Wave Function lie in the bungalow’s side bedroom, covered splayed all over the floor and sides of the bed. He slept a dreamless, deep sleep, having been in dire need of respite.
And then there was a pressure on his muzzle, pushing it back into his face. A second after it started, it was gone.
And then, it came again. Wave Function’s muzzle crimped up involuntarily.
And again. This time accompanied by a noise, “boop”.
Wave Function began to stir, for the first time noting that the environment in which he had been blissfully unconscious in had begun to change.
The pressure again, this time harder. “Boop!”
Wave Function’s blue eyes suddenly became visible on his scrunched up face. He saw a red hoof come in to his muzzle again. “BOOP!” It retracted, then resumed its cycle with increased pace. “BOOP! BOOP! BOOP! BOOP!”
“Aergh!” answered Wave Function, flailing around in search of the comforter, which was promptly found and placed over his face. “More sleep. Stop poke! Please!”
“No!” answered the assailant, leaping on the bed and ripping the covers from Wave Function’s face. Her identity was revealed to be none other than his friend Dolce Tempo. She stuck her face right in his so their muzzles were touching. “You,” she accused, smacking his horn lightly with her hoof, “were a downer last night. And that means you made me sad. ON VACATION. You’re in trouble with me.”
“I’m sorry Dolce Tempo…It was a rough night, I don’t know what got into me. Will you forgive me?” Wave Function asked, with a small smile.
Dolce Tempo returned the smile. “No. Sorry isn’t going to cut it, Mr. Function. You must be punished for your inconsideration. I declare you will be punished with snuggles!”
“Well, I like that, that sounds pretty good.”
“Then I’ll withhold snuggles.”
“…I mean…nooooooo…not snuggles, my only weakness… it would be terrible if you were ever to snuggle me…”
“Too bad! I’m in charge now!” said Dolce Tempo, wriggling under the covers and hugging him from behind, nuzzling into the back of his neck.
Wave Function let out a small, “mmmm”, which was answered by a much louder growl from his friend.
“I mean, uh, noooooooo….stoopppp…” He applied minimal effort to the task of removing himself from Dolce Tempo’s vice-like grip, causing her to tighten her hug further.
He then relaxed and the two enjoyed their feelings of warmth and affection. That is, until a knock on the door sounded. “Mr. Function, its Private Suite! We have a full day today!”
The two shot up. “Crap!” Wave Function Whispered. “Hide under the covers, go!” He stood up from the bed. “One sec!”
He opened the door just a crack, revealing Private Suite’s face. “Uh, Hi.”
“Hello!” she replied, barging in to the room and looking around. “Wow, you really destroyed this bed. I hope you didn’t share it with anypony, because I thought what we had was special,” she jested, winking at Wave Function.
A deep growl emanated from under the covers. “What was that?”
“NOTHING. What’s the plan for today?”
“Well, your butler is setting out your breakfast now. Meet me out on the hotel’s private pier in town in about 30 minutes. Don’t even ask; it’s a surprise!” She trotted out of the room and headed for the bungalow exit. “Goodbye Mr. Function!”
Dolce Tempo lowered the covers. “I don’t like her.”
“Why not, she seems enthusiastic enough.”
“She’s a gold digger!”
“Well, she does work with rich people all day, every day. Come on, get up. Breakfast time.”
The two ate fresh fruit, sweet island root, and a variety of other delicacies for breakfast along with their butler, who joined to eat with them after much insistence from Wave Function.
“Excuse me, I’m gonna hit up the bathroom before we head out,” declared Wave Function, standing up with a groan and exiting the dining area.
The butler, who had been quiet thus far except for his insistence of leaving the ponies to their breakfast alone, wiped his mouth with a napkin and began to speak in his heavy islander accent, “I hear you no like Ms. Suite.”
Dolce Tempo nodded. “THAT would be an understatement,” she replied bitterly.
“No worries for you. She only charm for money; your special somepony good stallion, I see the way he looks at you. He will not leave for her because you are enough for him.”
“Oh, he’s not really my special somepony. We’re just best friends.”
“Oh. I see…” The butler stared off over the open balcony toward the ocean. “Then maybe you do have problem.” He silently stood and began clearing the table, leaving Dolce Tempo alone with her thoughts.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
The small boat approached a misty island with only a few markers of pony civilization. Stepping off the boat, the trio walked on to the beach, examining their surroundings.
Dolce Tempo was first to speak. “So what are we doin-“
“ZIPLINING!” cried Private Suite, leading them into a shed where they were fitted into harnesses along with some other ponies, so that the group numbered about 10 in all.
Following the guide, who appeared to be an apathetic college drop-out of some sort, they embarked up a hill in the steamy forest to their first line. Private Suite was the first to go, screaming all the way down in a tone that just about broke Dolce Tempo’s eardrums. Refusing to be left alone with her on the other side, or let Wave Function hear more of her flattery, Dolce Tempo pushed them to the back of the line.
When it was finally their turn to go, Dolce Tempo allowed herself to be hooked onto the line by the guide. “You scared?” asked Wave Function tauntingly.
Never one to be outdone or mocked, Dolce Tempo sprinted to the end of the platform and jumped, sending her friend a not-so-nice hoof gesture in the process. With only minor discomfort from the harness, she flew past trees and brightly colored birds, through clouds of steam and hot breezes. Emerging from the foliage, she saw herself suspended above a pristine lake, with walls of rock and a single waterfall. She could see fish below in the lake, moving in tandem as she approached the landing platform. Oh, I think I’m going to like this excursion, thought Dolce Tempo. This is way better than boring old regular flying.
Ziplining was a fantastic but tiring experience for the two ponies. Dolce Tempo got a good laugh on the last line, where Wave Function’s weight caused him to get stuck and the zipline guide had to shimmy out to get him. They left on their boat completely exhausted. Private Suite, on the other hoof, seemed as jazzed up as ever. Why did she even come with us instead of waiting? Thought Dolce Tempo.
“Next, before I let you go for dinner and whatever you would like to do this evening, we have shopping! There’s a fantastic district on the main island.”
The duo groaned, completely wiped out from their day already.
Private Suite began to talk to Wave Function as they left the boat headed into the town. “…So you’re a scientist-physician? Fascinating!”
“Well, I’m not a physician yet, but soon I will be.”
“Oh, well I’m sure you have plenty of experience making sick ponies better.” Private Suite brought herself closer to Wave Function so that their sides and flanks touched as they walked.
This was not unnoticed by Dolce Tempo, who was staring daggers at Private Suite as she did this. Trotting up from her position behind, she began plotting Private Suite’s downfall, and decided to punch Wave Function right in the muzzle if she found him smiling. Instead, as she walked even, she found his muzzle scrunched up in…joy, or disgust, or was it intense concentration.
Wave Function’s mind was at Defcon 1. Missiles were in the air.
Okay, so, she’s like, walking next to me and our sides are touching and all this. Why would she do this? She’s being friendly to get a good report, maybe? No, that wouldn’t make sense, she should be providing us with the best experience if she wanted that. Maybe it’s because this area of the island is dangerous? Certainly doesn’t seem like it…But that’s what the gangs of street urchins and packs of wild, stray dogs want you to think. Yes, I think this is the working hypothesis. But, then again, Dolce isn’t doing the same…
While Wave Function was laser-focused, Dolce Tempo saw Private Suite’s tail begin to swish more vigorously. She slowly brought it over to her right, toward Wave Function. That little- there’s no way she’s gonna try that with him. It will be the last thing I ever let her do.
Private Suite’s tail slowly began to intertwine with Wave Function’s and…
“AHAHHAHHAHHAHHHYTOIHPOIHOPGAIOSGFIPH!!!” Wave Function screamed and jumped a good four feet in the air, darting forward a dozen yards after he landed. “A BUG JUST LANDED ON MY FLANK! PRIVATE SUITE; IS THE MADAGASCAR PONY-STINGER ENDEMIC TO THIS ISLAND!?”
The situation was too perfect, and her fears too relieved, for Dolce Tempo not to burst out laughing.
“Oh, real funny Dolce! I could have died!”
Private Suite seemed irritated, and very flustered.
“Okay Dolce, here are some bits,” Wave Function told his friend after Private Suite was out of earshot. He gave her a massive bag.
“But friend, this is so much!”
“Psh, go buy stuff! I’ll meet you back at the dock in an hour!”
An hour of shopping had gone by when the two met again with Private Suite and returned to the secondary island in the archipelago. Walking them back to their door, Private Suite said an extended goodbye to Wave Function, promising to see him the next day.
“Private Suite, before you go, I grabbed you this.” He gave her a blue flower made out of plant resin and small gemstones. “The shopkeep said this was the type of flower always worn by the smartest and most powerful mares in the tribes here. Take it as thanks for being our tour guide.”
“Oh, it’s so pretty Wave Function! Thank you.” She threw her hooves around his neck as Dolce Tempo stormed into the bungalow with her bags. He struggled to escape her vice-grip. Finally she let him go and turned to leave, calling back, “see you tomorrow, Wavius!”
Wave Function frowned deeply. “Don’t call me that,” he called out in a deep, booming voice.
Private Suite was taken aback. “Oh, I-I’m sorry, I had heard Miss Tempo call-“
“Don’t call me that. You are not Dolce. Goodnight! See you tomorrow!” Wave Function turned happily and entered his bungalow, leaving Private Suite stunned.
“Dolce?” Wave Function called as he trotted to her room.
The door flew open. “What is it!?”
Wave Function suddenly became worried. “Are you okay Dolce? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong! I’m perfectly fine!” she spat back, throwing a hoof in the air for emphasis.
Hm. I may be wrong, but she doesn’t appear to be doing fine at all. “Come on, Dolce. What’s wrong?”
Dolce Tempo turned from frustrated to a little sad. “Why did you let her walk touching you today?”
“Well, I guess I don’t know why she was doing it. I thought she was afraid of crime or something. Why does it bother you?”
“That’s not why doofus! She was getting all snuggly with you because if she sexes you up, you’ll tip her better when we leave!”
“Let me ruminate on this possibility…Yeah, seems plausible, I guess.” Dolce let out a huff of exasperation. “Well, you don’t have to worry about her at all, my sweetest Dolce. Don’t you worry, I have my eyes on somepony already,” he teased, pulling her into a hug.
Dolce Tempo felt a little better, but was exasperated by his teasing. She felt her face heat up as she turned her face to the side, “well, I didn’t, I mean…”
Wave Function released her. “Hey, I didn’t give you your gift yet.” He showed her another semi-permanent flower, this one composed of the finest swirls of tropical oranges, pinks, and reds. The petals looked like little hearts. “The tribal artist said this was only for the most beautiful bachelorette in the village, so I asked myself, ‘self, who does that sound like’”? He gently placed the flower in her mane, right behind hear ear. “There. A pretty accessory for a beautiful mare.”
This time, it was Dolce Tempo who pulled Wave Function in for a hug. “C’mon Dolce, there’s lots more for you where that came from!”
“More? But I feel bad, I didn’t buy you anything…”
“Tell you what, how about I give you the rest tomorrow, and you pay me back by being my date for dancing tonight? You did always want to go clubbing together, right?”
“Buck yeah!”
Twenty minutes found the duo back on the main island, the young night being illuminated by the signs of bars and clubs. Dolce Tempo walked next to Wave Function in silence, coming closer and closer until they were walking together with their sides and flanks touching. Feeling playful and wanting to hear her friend scream again, Dolce Tempo slowly moved her golden and black tail to the side, brushing against his flank. Instead of jumping, he merely shivered lightly and moved his tail over, mirroring her motion. Soon the two walked down the street illuminated with blue neon, tails intertwined and sides touching.
Soon enough they settled on a seaside club with a view and danced the night away together.
It was almost 3am when Dolce Tempo and Wave Function returned to bungalow #7, sweaty, smiling, and exhausted. They laughed, tired smiles pasted on their faces, as they entered the living room. “Wanna snuggle and watch TV?” asked Wave Function.
Dolce Tempo nodded slowly but happily, yawning. “But first, I need to shower, I probably smell all weird.”
Wave Function’s muzzle scrunched up as he tentatively asked a question. “Hey Dolce, I have a favor to ask.”
“Ok.”
“So, um, you don’t have to, uh… Please don’t shower?”
“Huh?”
“It’s just, I noticed at the club…you smell like you, but a lot stronger. I really, really like it.”
“Well okay! The shower was for your benefit anyway, I don’t want to do anything. But I am cold, can I put on some clothes?”
“Sure. Bring a blanket too. And…thanks Dolce. I know you probably don’t understand my obsession with volatile organic compounds.”
Dolce Tempo rolled her eyes. “Stop being so timid and questioning. I mean things when I say them. And I do understand the obsession; you’re not showering either, mister.” She trotted into her room.
Wave Function only had time to relax on the spacious and incredibly comfortable plant-derived couch and flip on the TV before Dolce Tempo’s door opened again.
She emerged, her mane falling in wild curls down her neck and over her shoulders. She was wearing a hoodie and tight leggings to protect against the cold, and she moved with purpose toward her heat source, Wave Function. Her clothes and movement highlighted her perfect figure. She looked good.
Real good, thought Wave Function, all his senses enamored with the sleek form approaching him.
When Dolce Tempo reached him, she flopped down on top of him unceremoniously, letting out a “MREEHHH”. She pushed him on his back, wrapped his hooves around his neck, and took a deep smell of his coat, making her shiver with feelings of delight and protection. Wave Function smelled her right back, himself overcome with feelings of affection, emotional bliss, and physical stimulation. The two ponies just lie there for a while, smelling each other and rubbing hooves around comfortingly in what any bystander would find an unorthodox method of snuggling.
Wave Function noticed at one point that Dolce Tempo had removed the flower from behind her ear and placed it on the nearby table. Picking it up, he slowly slid it behind her ear again, and began smoothing her mane. She looked up expectantly at him.
NOW! DO IT! KISS HER! Cried Wave Function’s risk-taker sense, in an unexpected outburst.
Wave Function mentally shrugged. ‘Aight. He moved forward about an inch.
No! It’s too risky! Wait until you know she wants to! You’ll ruin your relationship otherwise! Retorted his sense of risk-management. Wave Function halted his advance.
DO IT YOU WIMP!
NO! Not if you don’t want your travel companion to be a MARE WHO HATES YOUR GUTS!
In his mind, Wave Function pinched the bridge of his muzzle. Everyone shut up, okay? Formulate your arguments please. Maybe make a Pro-Con sheet.
PRO! You kiss the mare of your dreams and you spend the rest of this vacation romantically.
CON! If she doesn’t want you kissing her, she’ll probably slap you, not talk to you for a few days and an awkward air will be over the rest of the trip. She might even stop being friends with you. Pro of not kissing her: You wait until you’re sure she’s receptive, eliminating all risk, ensuring maximum kiss efficacy and leading to a healthy, affectionate change to the relationship paradigm.
CON OF WAITING! SHE WILL FIND A BETTER STALLION AND MARRY HIM. We all know she’s way out of your league bro, you don’t have a chance unless you seize the opportunity. If you don’t, YOU WILL LOSE HER FOREVER TO A SKINNIER, HANDSOMER STALLION, THEN YOU WILL GET PREGNANT AND DIE…ALONE.
Get pregnant? Whaaaa?
See? He’s delusional. Remember what happened the last time you listened to him instead of me?
You mean me instead of me?
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Wave Function thought back to Equestria Day two years ago, when his firework-modifying antics almost led to the death of a small foal. I almost killed a foal with a combination of pyrotechnics and gross-negligence.
That’s right. You gotta trust me here man, we’re all in this together.
Okay, but first I want to go over all the evidence again. I also need to take into account stare decisis. Where is my secretary?
Right here, Mr. Function.
Ah, good, there you are, Mr. Function. I need you to go take a look at the court history. Look for the case Function v. Function, decided in a 1-0 vote.
Off he goes into the archives. A scary place, that. Anyway, we should fire him and hire a hot secretary instead.
Are you mad? You know how hard we’re gonna get sued if anyone hears us thinking that?
Wave Function’s internal conflict manifested as a blank stare, as if he was looking at something behind Dolce Tempo. “Wavius?” she waved a hoof in front of his face. “Oh boy, I lost you, didn’t I?” She sighed and placed her head on his chest.
Wave Function made his decision, but coming back to reality found that Dolce Tempo had already fallen asleep on his chest. Smiling at the warmth, he began to watch TV. The weather channel showed a band of rain approaching the islands, with a mild tropical depression much further south.
Looks like we’ll get some rain tomorrow. Pegasus-free rain, at that! The world is marvelous.
With that thought, he himself drifted off to sleep.