The Cosby Show: Pudding is Magic
Chapter 1
“…And that’s how Equestria was made!” Pinkie Pie stated, sitting down on the plaid blanket laid out beneath them.
She reached her hoof into a nearby basket and fished out a sandwich, shoving the entire thing into her mouth with a single bite. Twilight Sparkle sighed contentedly and smiled at her friends. It had been a long time since they had enough free time to see each other, let alone enjoy a picnic on such a lovely summer day.
Rainbow Dash zipped by in a flash, practicing some of her newest moves for the Wonderbolts. She flipped in the air and tucked her wings in. Rainbow Dash began plummeting toward the ground, reaching intensely high speeds. Her prismatic mane blew wildly behind her and her lips blew back from the sudden turbulence. Her friends could see her eyes narrow to blink away the forming tears.
“She’s going to hit the ground!” Rarity called out, horrified. “She’s falling too fast!”
Twilight estimated her speed and quickly calculated her friend’s trajectory. The other ponies stood and stared, horrified of what they thought was about to happen. Fluttershy squeaked and hid her face in her hooves.
Rainbow Dash only continued falling. She watched as the trees and her friends grew larger and larger. Mere feet before hitting the ground, she unfurled her wings and pulled out of the dive with feet to spare, flying parallel to the ground. However, Twilight had already conjured a bubble of magical energy to encase Rainbow if she had not turned.
Rainbow Dash shot through the magical ball with ease, a rainbow trailing behind her. She barreled toward her friends and stopped smoothly in front of them wearing a massive grin upon her face.
“Think the Wonderbolts will like it?” she asked enthusiastically. Her friends stood and marveled at her, mouths agape.
“Just what in the hay were you doing!?” Applejack cried, breaking the silence. “You coulda’ hurt yourself!”
“That was really irresponsible, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity said, slightly calmer than the rest.
“Umm… guys?” Fluttershy interjected quietly. The ponies ignored her interruption.
“What do you mean? I knew what I was doing.” Rainbow Dash smugly replied. She reached a hoof into her saddlebags that sat on the picnic blanket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. Retaining her grin, she put them on her face, instantly becoming twenty percent cooler.
“Guys…?” Fluttershy insisted, once again being ignored.
“Take those darn things off.” Applejack growled.
“They’re so… cliché…” Rarity cringed.
“Yeah! Besides, I wanna try them on!” Pinkie Pie hopped over to Rainbow Dash and tried pulling them off.
“Hey, get your own!”
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash wrestled over the glasses. Pinkie Pie giggled lightly as her cyan friend tugged back at her sunglasses, growling. It wasn’t long before Twilight, Applejack and Rarity found themselves in the pile grabbing at the plastic shades as well, all of them shouting indiscernibly.
“GUYS!” Fluttershy screamed at her friends. They stopped their tussle and flopped onto the grass, staring at Fluttershy. She cowered at the sudden attention she had obtained and pointed a hoof at something in the distance.
Part of the rainbow that had trailed behind Rainbow Dash had been encased in the magic bubble produced by Twilight, swirling mystically in its depths. It spun rapidly, growing larger in size. The swirling mixture of rainbows and magic began to shine, casting a bright white light upon the ponies. Fluttershy squeaked and darted to her friends.
“This is incredible!” Twilight Sparkle remarked, examining the light that appeared to miraculously float. In an instant, it seemed to open to reveal a portal. Air poured from the opening at turbulent speeds.
“Twilight, what the hay is goin on!” Applejack had to shout to be heard. The ponies clung on to each other in fright, all except Twilight Sparkle. She remained in front of the group and studied the portal intently. She could feel the wind from the portal begin to blow her back but quickly dug her hooves into the ground, regaining her composure.
“I’m not sure! It seems that Rainbow Dash’s velocity-fueled rainbow bonded with my magical conjuration, tearing a hole in the space-time continuum!” She looked back at her friends, pure terror on her face. Her mane blew wildly in the force of the wind.
“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“If my calculations are correct…” Twilight began, thinking over the situation once again. “Either an out of touch comedian from the 1980s will be teleported to Equestria… Or the entire universe will implode on this point in a single cataclysmic fireball!”
Fluttershy stared at her, wide-eyed and passed out. The others looked at each other, tears glistening in their eyes. Who could’ve guessed that such a lovely day out was going to be their last day together, or their last day alive for that matter.
“Ah love you guys.” Applejack hugged her hooves tightly around Rarity and Pinkie Pie, both sitting next to her.
“Yes, you all are my best friends. I wouldn’t have traded my time with you for anything.” Rarity hugged Applejack back and pulled Rainbow Dash in.
Pinkie Pie began crying loudly, spouts of tears shooting out of her eyes in a somewhat comical fashion. She stretched her foreleg and pulled Twilight over to the group.
“Dang it! Now you guys are getting me all sappy!” Rainbow Dash said, tears rolling down her cheek. In her hooves she held the still-unconscious Fluttershy.
The white portal continued its simulated hurricane. Trees in its path were torn from their roots, tumbling wildly in the park. In the distance, the ponies could hear screams of the terrified townsponies.
“Alright girls, I guess this is it!” Twilight Sparkle hugged on to her friends tightly. She didn’t want to let them go.
In an instant, their world was enveloped in pure whiteness.
“Razzle frazzle ropple stopple...”
Twilight Sparkle and her friends opened their eyes to find the park in the same condition it had been in before the portal appeared. They gazed around, noticing that nothing had changed. Except for the fact that there was a bi-pedal creature they had never seen before standing in front of them. It wore a putrid sweater with a horrendous mix of blue, brown, and maroon all laid out in funky patterns.
“Sweet Celestia!” Twilight exclaimed softly. “It… he’s a human!”
“Are you saying those things are real?” Rarity asked, astonished.
“Just what in the zippidy doo is going on here?” he asked, inspecting his surroundings. The ponies stared at him slack-jawed, completely unsure whether to approach him or not.
“Oh look at the ponies, with the horns and the wings and the hair!” he called out, spotting Twilight and her friends. They cowered at his booming voice and stared back. He continued speaking, apparently oblivious to the new world around him. “Y’see, when I was a kid, I used to have a horse named Chuckles…”
“Twilight, `ah think this guy’s brain is broke.” Applejack whispered to the purple unicorn.
“Indeed. Maybe if we back away quietly, he won’t notice us…” Rarity began to slowly pack up the picnic.
“Yeah, this guy’s nuts!” Rainbow Dash stood up. She spotted her sunglasses on the ground and put them on her face, smiling.
“…and we went down tha slope! Zip zop, zoobity-bop!” The strange man stood as if skiing and made a face that sent shivers down Twilight’s spine.
“This guy is great!” Pinkie Pie hopped into the air and practically flew over to the human in their midst. She wrapped her hooves around his neck and pulled him into a hug. “Tell another story, Mister funny guy!”
The man ignored the pink party pony and continued his spiel, changing the topic radically to the way mail was delivered. With each new sentence, his face contorted more and more, as if he was made of rubber.
The rest of the Mane-6 trotted over to him and Pinkie Pie, leaving Fluttershy alone by the picnic basket, still unconscious. Rainbow Dash flew around him cautiously.
“He doesn’t look too dangerous, I guess…”
“Well, be careful anyway.” Twilight Sparkle shot back. She reached a hoof into the man’s pockets in search of identification only to be met with a powerful backhand to the face. She fell to the ground and watched the man rage.
“DON’T TOUCH MA JELL-O PUDDING!” he bellowed at the pony. His eyes were wide open, veins jutting out of his neck. The other ponies jumped back several feet, fearing the worst. His fists flailed wildly in the air as he continued screaming in ire.
Rainbow Dash flew toward him, only to meet the same fate as Twilight Sparkle. She dropped to the ground with a bright red hand print on her muzzle. At the attack, the man dropped to all fours and snarled savagely.
Applejack and Rarity shared a wrathful expression and prepared themselves to pounce. They were stopped suddenly by Pinkie Pie, who jumped in front of them out of nowhere.
“Don’t hurt him!” she cried, placing her hooves on Applejack and Rarity. “He’s my friend!”
Pinkie Pie turned toward the raging man who continued screaming about his pudding. His sweater shook wildly in the air as he hopped around angrily. She wrapped her hooves around him in a loving embrace and stroked a hoof through his small afro. He began to calm down and stood back up, but not before a small, leather-bound wallet dropped out of his pants. Pinkie Pie picked it up and read through it.
“Bill Cosby…” She said, staring at his driver’s license. The other ponies turned their attention to the man, who nodded goofily in approval. Bill Cosby then put a foolish smile on his face and began to dance.