//------------------------------// // Crazy Conspiracies // Story: Suicidal Ideation Is Magic // by Shukawarioserfi //------------------------------// I'm awake. I look out from the small window in my room, it's pitch black. I can't stop sweating after that dream. There is little to no chance of me getting back to sleep at this point. I try and pick myself out of bed, when I manage to get out of my bed my hooves are shaking, which they always do when I'm anxious. I trot to the small bathroom in my room, I look in the mirror. I see that I'm still myself. Tired green eyes, long cut purple mane and a brown coat. I see that I have no extra appendages, I'm still the Earth Pony that I was yesterday. I need to take a shower due to the fact that now I smell worst then I look. I turn on the shower, there's no temperature adjustment knob. It's cold, freezing cold. I'm shaking even more now as I try to get the soap. Try. And slip. On my ass. In the shower. I wail for a second. It wouldn't have been that bad except that a nurse responded and came to my room. And opened the bathroom. "Are you alright?" Said an Orange mare. A new nurse I suppose. I nod. "Yes, just a little slip. I assure you I'm fine." I say, sighing. The nurse steps back and gets ready to close the bathroom door. "I'm sorry, I'm required to check on you every so often." The nurse says, and quickly exits. I can't even go to the bathroom alone. As if not being alone in my own mind wasn't enough. I make sure I'm extremely careful with my hooves as I get out of the shower. I get dry and walk back to my bed, shaking my head and laying down on top of the covers. Even if I could get back to sleep, I wouldn't want to. It's not worth it. At least for now I feel normal, I feel like my pessimistic self. Maybe being aware, as what Luna said, will help me to resist Dr. Discord's attempts at changing who I am. I will fix my own problems by myself... I wake up again. I'm awfully surprised I found a way to get back to sleep. I start to doubt whether or not I was actually asleep. At least I've got breakfast to look forward to. I yawn and trot out of my room to greet the others. My mane is a long, curly, scruffy, mess. But I think it looks kind of good this way. Illumina is sitting in a chair and Bird Droppings is coloring on the floor. "Yo Jerry Curl." Illumina says. "Sleepy hair." Bird Droppings points at my hair giggling. Illumina rolls her eyes. "Why do you have to act like such a foal?" Illumina says, looking at Bird Droppings expectantly. "Why are you so uptight?" Bird Droppings pouts. "Guys, enough with the chaotic arguments. It's just what Discord wants." I interrupt. Illumina laughs "What are you talking about?" Illumina shakes her head at me. "Dr. Discord is awesome. He gave me this sweater." Illumina puts her hoof against the sweater she's wearing. "And Chamomile tea when I couldn't sleep." Bird Dropping's laughs. "Illumina tea." "Don't accept anything from Dr. Discord!" I yell. Illumina steps closer to me and stares at my eyes, moving to my hair, my neck, and my hooves. "You really should see him again. I think this place is getting to you." "This place is NOT getting to me!" I growl. "Well." Bird Droppings chimes in, a crayon still in her mouth. "You say this place is not getting to you but are you getting sandwiches?" "Bird Droppings, you have lost your talking priveleges." Illumina says. I mess with my mane a little bit to try and look somewhat decent and Sunny Dew Melon comes out ready to take us to breakfast. "Where's the rest of them?" She says, staring at us intimidatingly. "They're all still asleep I suppose." I say. "But it's good that we're here right?" Good? Nothing's good here. Being chaotically forced to look on the bright side is getting on my nerves. Although I'm not sure what's so chaotic about that. I almost don't follow Illumina and Bird out to breakfast, but then I remember what Otani said about breakfast yesterday. I am starving so I'll take his word for it. We get there and I smell it, Hay Bacon, eggs, whole wheat bagels, flapjacks, and fresh oatmeal. My mouth starts to water, but I try and focus on what I'm doing and keep my composure. I will not lose myself in this breakfast. I smile at the lunch pony and ask for one of everything. She gives me a disgusted look. What was that? I'm not overweight and I'm starving, give me a break. Maybe she thinks I won't eat it all. "I'll eat it all, I promise." "How reassuring." The lunch pony says sarcastically. I sit down, sticking my tongue out at the lunch pony. I wait for Illumina to take the first bite of her breakfast, just in case it's poisoned or something. She notices me staring at her. "Do you mind." Illumina says. "It's bad enough the nurses are watching." "And the government." Bird Droppings laughs. "Watch it." She says. "I don't talk about your problems." I go ahead and take a bite of my eggs, uncaring. Whether it was by compulsion or of my own freewill I have no idea. Either way, it tasted amazing. I vacuum up the rest of the eggs and loudly chomp on my toast. "You're disgusting." Illumina exclaims "Well aren't you awfully judgemental today." I say, mouth still full of food. "The whole system is based on not judging. So I judge everypony." Illumina says. I swallow. "So you're a conservative?" "Conservative anarchist." Illumina mumbles. Just then I see the rest of the ponies walk in and get their breakfast, all except for Holley Shipper. "Hey, where's Holley." I ask Illumina concerned. "She had an early behavioral modification appointment with Dr. Discord." Illumina says. The color drains out of my face and I immediately go numb. "You mean a brainwashing appointment?" I perk up and say, smirking. "No, Jerry. She already took a shower silly." Bird Droppings says, muffin in hoof. Illumina rolls her eyes and shushes Bird Droppings, then speaks. "They're trying to make us better. They're not brainwashing us." "Just listen to me. Dr. Discord is using magic to hypnotize us and convert us to chaos." I yell. Illumina laughs. "If chaos is a religion, I am already converted." "How could you say that?" I bark. Otani sits down next to me, unaware of the ongoing conversation. "Guys, I had the sickest nightmare." "Ahem." Illumina corrects. "One guy. Two mares." Otani scoffs. "Okay. Guy, and mares. I had a nightmare that Dr. Discord made me kill my mother and I didn't want to anymore. But I had no control." "See." I loudly agree. "I had a nightmare like that. He's trying to control us all." "Looks like Monotone's the craziest one of all. Don't listen to him." Illumina says. "It's just a nightmare." She walks off, and all the other ponies get ready to leave. I sit there in shock until one of the nurses drags me out of the cafeteria.