To whoever sent this letter,
While I’ve always enjoyed a good prank, there is a line that should not be crossed, and impersonating one of my students and making me question their health is on the far side of that line, and also, quite frankly, baffling, as the real Twilight Sparkle has been safe in Ponyville for the past two weeks, and has been sending me regular reports.
If this isn’t a prank, and I have a hard time believing that, then you should know I can’t dispatch a rescue team to Pony Vale because I have no record of it existing on any map. If you wish to continue this correspondence, then please respond with some verification that your claims are true.
Princess Celestia
Rarity rereads the letter for the fifth time this hour. Since finding it, she’s kept it locked safely in her room, in the place she reserved solely for hiding incriminating letters and other forbidden things. Every citizen of Pony Vale has a spot they use to hide forbidden items, like straws, paper weights, and oranges.
She tilts her head. Her gut tells her to burn the letter and pretend it never existed, but every time she tries, she can’t find the strength in her to ignite the paper. Of course she can’t, it’s not hers to burn. Rarity sighs as she comes up with a reasonable compromise and trots into the guest bedroom where Spike is sleeping at the foot of the bed.
“Spike,” she calls, causing the dragon to give a startled snort of flame that singes her guest comforter. Rarity makes a note to order a new comforter from… whoever it is that makes quilts. “You care for Twilight, don’t you?”
He nods, his eyes are still puffy from his sobbing the night before. “She… you promised me she’s safe.”
“And she is,” Rarity said, taking a seat next to him. “I’m sure she’ll be back any moment now and everything will be fine, but… on the off chance that doesn’t come to pass, you should probably send a response to… the pony who sent this letter.”
“You mean Princess Celestia?” Spike asks, moving to sit up.
“Absolutely not!” Rarity says, following it up with a nervous laugh. “Princess Celestia… doesn’t exist, she’s just a figurehead created by the secret dragon cabal that actually controls the world. I’m sure there’s a pony who claims to be Princess Celestia, but there’s no immortal goddess who raises the sun every day.”
Spike rubs his head in frustration. “Okay, you know I’m a dragon, right?”
Rarity laughs and pats him on his scaly head. “Spike, don’t be so ridiculous. Dragons are terrifying monsters cloaked in flame and shadow that live under Equestria, and are strictly forbidden in Pony Vale. Why… if you were a dragon, the town would attempt to ritually dismember you. So, are you a dragon?”
There’s a long pause as Spike processes her statement. “...No?”
She smiles at him. “Of course you aren’t, you’re just a… big lizard, right?”
“Uhmm… sure, I guess? Yeah, of course, I’m just a big lizard… that talks… and breathes fire,” he says, trying and failing to contain his sarcasm.
Rarity’s smile grows. “Wonderful to hear that. I’m sure whatever type of giant lizard you are is a wonderful magnificent species that isn’t at all similar to dragons… And speaking of dangerous things to say around town, you shouldn’t talk about the–”
A knock from downstairs interrupts her. “I should go see who that is,” Rarity says, getting up on her hooves. “You should probably stay up here and write your letter to… Well, you should let her know what’s happened and give her some proof that this Twilight is her Twilight… assuming this Twilight isn’t the double, of course.”
“Got it,” Spike says as Rarity floats a quill and parchment to him and trots downstairs to answer the door.
“Hello,” Rarity says as she opens the door to find Rainbow Dash and Twilight standing on the other side. Twilight’s eyes are unfocused as she stares vacantly at the spot where the door used to be, marks now engraved along the length of her horn, a leash runs from her neck to Rainbow Dash’s mouth. Dash spits it out and stomps on it with her hoof.
“Hey, so… I guess the weather team owes you a solid for capturing her, and the town council figures that as long as you’re willing to keep an eye on her, we can release her into your custody. It might take a few hours for her to get her brain back on; we had to give her just a bit of rehab. Should be fine, though,” Rainbow Dash says as Rarity grabs the leash with her horn’s energy and pulls it towards her.
“You–” she grinds her teeth and stops herself before she informs Rainbow Dash just how barbaric her treatment of the unicorn is. Insulting a member of the weather team is on the short list of things you should never do in Pony Vale. “Thank you for returning her. She will get better, right?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Probably. If I had my way, we would have completely re-educated her, but the council said they wanted her original personality as intact as possible. They also said that if she messes up again, the both of you are going to our re-ed camp.”
Rarity nods and gives the pegasus a curt nod. “Duly noted. Now, I need to make sure she’s alright after your… necessary treatment of her. Come on, Twilight, let’s see if some coffee can’t get you to feeling like your old self.” Twilight continues to stare ahead, unresponsive until Rarity gives a tug on her leash. As Twilight steps through the house’s threshold, the recently repaired bloodstone door swishes shut.
***
Three cups of coffee later, and a spark flickers to life in Twilight’s eyes. “Ugh… my head feels like… I don’t know, somepony built a giant dam in it.” She looks around the room, a frown creasing her face. “How did I get here?”
“Your headache is courtesy of the Pony Vale weather team, and they were also responsible for bringing you back here.” Rarity flips through her news for the day and smiles at Twilight. “I do hope their treatment of you wasn’t too barbaric, I feel… just terrible for having to turn you over to those brutes.”
“Don’t be,” Twilight says, shaking her head. “It’s strange, I know I should be mad at you for shooting me with that… what was that, anyways?”
Rarity smiles at Twilight, trying to mask her discomfort as she recalls Rainbow Dash’s comments about re-education. “I call it the sonic rifle. It functions on the same core principle as the radio transmitter at the top of my house, but instead of broadcasting a weaker signal over a very large area, the sonic rifle delivers a very strong pulse in a localized area.”
“Really?” Twilight asks, curiosity supplanting the nausea in her stomach. “Radio transmitters are just science-fiction in the rest of Equestria, to think, your town has a genius capable of designing a working model and somehow managed to keep it a secret from the rest of the world. Do you think I could speak with the designer?”
Rarity laughs. “You’re speaking with her now, and I wouldn’t call myself a genius; I just had a dream and pursued it, and if unicorn horns didn’t make such an excellent conductor, I’d probably still be tinkering in my basement. Instead, my voice is broadcast all throughout Pony Vale.”
“That’s incredible, you’re so much like the real Rarity,” Twilight is interrupted as Rarity clears her throat. “Sorry, you’re so much like the other Rarity in terms of appearance and mannerisms, but there’s an absolutely remarkable variance in your chosen profession and skills. I wonder how all this works? Pony Vale is so like Ponyville, but also so completely different. To think there isn’t some force prompting these similarities is unfathomable.”
“Well, dear, I can’t help you with that, and I’m afraid I simply must be getting to my broadcast booth. The news waits for nopony, after all,” Rarity says, and as if on cue, the front door opens and Lyra trots in. “And my assistant is on time as usual. I promise we’ll talk more after the broadcast.”
“Actually, do you… do you think I could listen in? Maybe sit in the same booth as you, and see how the whole thing works?” Twilight says as Rarity gets to her hooves.
“Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” Rarity says, after tilting her head in thought. “Just… try not to be disruptive. If you’re going to be in the broadcast room, it’s absolutely vital you stay quiet unless you have something you wish to contribute, and even then, you should wait for lulls while I’m talking. Two ponies talking simultaneously does not make for a very pleasant listening experience for our audience.”
“Got it,” Twilight says as she follows Rarity upstairs. “Anything else I should know?”
“Yes,” Rarity says as they reach the top of the stairs and open the door to the broadcast room. “As long as you’re here, you’ll be staying in the room opposite mine. Spike has already made himself at home.”
“Ooh! I should really let him know I’m alright,” Twilight says as Rarity enters the broadcast room. “Do I have time to let him know I’m here?”
“Of course,” Rarity says as she takes her seat while Lyra adjusts several controls in the opposite room. “We’ll start broadcasting in a minute, and if you’re not back in the room by then, you’ll have to wait until the weather to come inside.”
“Got it,” Twilight says as she trots to Spike’s room. “I’ll be back in a few seconds.”
“You’re sure about this?” Lyra asks from her booth. “I thought you hated the idea of having a co-host.”
“And I do,” Rarity says after taking a sip of her tea. “Banter is the bane of good broadcast journalism. Why, if I wanted to listen to two ponies joke with each other, I’d go to Berry’s Bar.”
“Uhmm… didn’t you pretty much write the book on broadcast journalism?” Lyra asks, smiling at Rarity while Rarity flips through the day’s news bulletins.
“Oh, shush,” Rarity says, returning her friend’s smile. “Don’t worry, Lyra, if I ever wanted a co-host for my show, I’d pick you in a heartbeat. Allowing Twilight to sit in today is simply my way of apologizing for being forced to shoot her with the sonic rifle.”
“Hey, it’s her fault for coming to town without runing her horn first. That’s just asking for trouble,” Lyra says over the control room’s broadcast system.
“Well, it’s not like she knew, the poor dear just wandered into town from the Everfree Forest and–” Rarity stops talking as Twilight trots into the broadcast room and takes a seat next to Rarity.
“Alright, I’m ready,” Twilight says, turning her head to look at Rarity. “So, what do we do now?”
“Well, you stay quiet, and I read the news to our little town,” Rarity says before giving Lyra a nod to start the broadcast. “It is the nature of life to consume and be consumed, and miles below our little town, the Devourer is awakening. Welcome to Pony Vale.”
***
Uhmm… Excuse me.
[A sigh is briefly audible]
Well, listeners, we have a special guest today. Remember the intruder from yesterday? The one who ruined our picnic? The one with the perfect mane and flank? Well she’s going to be staying with me for the foreseeable future and–
I’m sorry, but I really don’t think my mane could be considered perfect. It’s actually really utilitarian, so I guess if that’s what you consider perfect then, maybe the term would work, but it’s not traditionally styled and…
For those of you who can’t see what’s happening, I’ve just used my scrying pool to show Twilight – that’s the unicorn from yesterday – an image of herself and–
What the hay happened to my mane! It’s all wrong and… how did I not notice this earlier… It… How? Why?
Deep breaths, Twilight, your mane looks absolutely wonderful, and I really don’t see why you’re so upset. However, if you’re going to keep complaining about your mane and delaying the news, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave, dear.
Right, I’m sorry, it’s just… why did my mane change? When did it change?
[Rarity clears her throat]
Sorry, sorry… I was actually curious about something though. Is it okay if I–
Interrupt the program? I believe we can manage. What’s your question, dear?
Well, it’s just… what were you talking about earlier? You know, the stuff about the Devourer awakening?
That? It was just today’s little intro. You know, like “good morning” or “we hope you slept well” or any great number of friendly introductions. You know, just something I thought up while writing out today’s broadcast.
But it’s not friendly. It’s ominous and just asking for some sort of explanation, and… Is there actually a devourer that’s waking up?
Well, I suppose there could be, but I’m afraid I don’t have any hard evidence to support the claim either way. What makes you ask?
[Twilight lets out a growl mixed with a sigh and the sound of a head thunking against wood is heard shortly after]
Nevermind.
Well then, if that’s settled, on to today’s top story: The tiny black hole floating above our town. A precursory investigation by the weather team reveals the hole to appear the same from above as below. However, when viewed from the side, the hole completely disappears. When a member of the weather team attempted to touch the rift, their body burned to ash that rained down on our town. Our condolences go out to the family of the deceased and those ponies that were coated in his or her remains.
On a brighter note, sitting under the hole is proving to be quite popular with ponies looking to take shelter from the tyranny of the sun, so if you’re looking to beat the summer in style, feel free to grab a delicious iced beverage, pull out a folding chair, and take a seat under Pony Vale’s very own rift in reality. Remember, space is limited and it’s strictly first come, first served.
That’s horrifying! How can you be so cavalier about somepony dying? Your town clearly has a dangerous… object, and you’re just… sitting underneath it.
Well, what are we supposed to do? Not enjoy the shade our little rift in reality provides? Our town has been given a gift, and it would be absolutely wasteful if we didn’t use it to it’s full potential, and I resent the implication that my reaction to a weather pony’s death is “cavalier.” Obviously, his or her death is a tragedy of the highest order, and my sympathies go out to those who knew and loved him or her. However, if we just drop everything we’re doing because somepony died in a tragic and gruesome manner, then this town will never get anything done.
Gah! That’s the problem. Yesterday, you made a game of looking for the dismembered remains of ponies in Jubilee Park, and now you’re sitting under a rift in reality that killed somepony. Also, your town has a rift in reality above it, and are you even investigating it?
Of course we are! Why, just today, we sent a member of the weather team to investigate the rift and discovered it’s highly lethal, and I’m sure our town’s scientists won’t rest until they discover every property the rift in the world possesses. Our town has always been very scientifically minded; we were the first town to disprove the existence of magic.
But… magic does–
[Twilight emits a gargled cry]
Twilight, listen to me very carefully. There is no such thing as magic. Claiming otherwise is a clear sign of mental illness and leads to a lovely visit to one of our towns many… rehabilitation clinics, do you understand?
[There are several seconds of dead air]
And does magic actually exist?
No...
Wonderful to hear. While our rehabilitation clinics are top of the line, I’d hate for you to be sent there just because you made a joke that was in particularly bad taste.
[Twilight just growls in irritation]
Ooh! Listeners, this is exciting. Applejack, you know, the farmer found a golden ticket on the edge of the Everfree. She described the ticket as an engraved invitation to the annual Apple Expo, a convention for Equestria’s premier apple growers, a highly exclusive event, and one she didn’t even know existed until she saw the ticket. Of course, like any good citizen of Pony Vale, she’s not picking up the ticket until our team of experts can make sure that this isn’t just another ploy by the horrors that lurk in the Everfree to drive our town to ruin. We’d like to commend Applejack for being such a good citizen and working to keep our town safe.
Now, a message from our sponsors: You are alone. Utterly and completely alone, trapped in a prison of skin. You were born alone. You live alone, futilely seeking some companionship, some confirmation that this nagging sense of isolation and ennui that has hounded you for as long as you can remember isn’t just isolated to you, that your suffering is a shared experience. You seek community, but in your heart of hearts, you know you’re alone, you will live alone, and you will die alone, finally finding the solace in oblivion that was denied you in life. This message was brought to you by Apple Family Cider. Drink up.
What the hay was that?!
An advertisement, they’re things where sponsors pay money for you to advertise their product or–
I know what an advertisement is, I’m not a foal. What I can’t understand is why anypony would pay you money to read that on air. That doesn’t make me want to buy their product, it just makes me feel sad and depressed.
Twilight, dear, do you perhaps feel as if you need a drink?
Actually, yeah, that kind of sounds like… Oh no.
See, it’s a wonderfully effective advertisement, maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.
I still think there are better things to associate your product with than isolation and ennui.
Tis not my place to judge, Twilight, merely to read.
A low persistent wailing has been heard coming from the scrublands over the last few days, with some residents describing it as “hauntingly beautiful,” and others saying “Oh please make it stop, take it away, the howling, it’s always there, always whispering in my ears. Whispering secrets it should not know. Whispering secrets I should not know. Whispering, burrowing, slowly devouring me. Please. Please make it stop. Please. I can’t go on much longer.”
That’s horrible! I–
I know, for years, we’ve all endured the banshee wails of the night howlers with nary a complaint, but now we’re having citizens complain about a low persistent wailing after just a few days? For shame, citizens, for shame. Our town is stronger than this. Certainly, if we can endure the smoke demon that visits us at night and shows us the reality between reality, we can handle a low persistent wailing. We are made of sterner stuff, aren’t we Pony Vale? If you can’t handle a wailing voice whispering in your ear for every waking moment, just invest in a pair of ear plugs. Or, for our more affluent citizens, see if Doctor Flatline won’t just take your ears from you and…
[Rarity sighs]
Yes. Twilight? Oh, and thank you for raising your hoof.
I’m really sorry, but uhmm… what was that about a smoke demon visiting us at night? Is that… a regular thing or...
Oh, listeners, you should really see her right now, There’s this cute little look of trepidation on her face, and her beautiful symmetrical lips have the faintest quiver to them. Our town’s newest resident is absolutely adorable.
You know I’m right here, right? Also, how can you go from giving me a glare one second and talking about how adorable I am the next?
I’m sorry, Twilight, I suppose I’m just a touch protective of the show and get rather… snippy if I think anything is jeopardizing its quality.
It’s true, I brought a soda into the control booth once and she chased me around with a bit of wood for an hour.
Thank you, Lyra. Anyways, I have an exciting development on the golden ticket story. The team dispatched to investigate the ticket are reporting wildly different findings. One pony reports seeing it as–
What about the smoke demon?
Oh, it’s harmless, and hardly ever drives a pony insane. Anyways, one pony describes the ticket as an invitation to attend his wedding, another sees it as an invitation to tour a chocolate factory, and yet another sees a one way ticket out of town on a train line that doesn’t exist. I am trying to use my scrying orb to get a better view of the ticket, but am unable to as the three ponies have started fighting for possession of the golden ticket. Applejack, you know, the farmer, is also entering the melee, and… yes, she has grabbed the ticket with her mouth and is now carrying it into the heart of town.
Sounds like a want-it need-it sp– Hey, Rarity, since spells and magic don’t exist, what do you call something that simpler less-advanced ponies might mistake for a spell.
Well, I suppose an equation could be confused with a spell given the proper circumstances.
Great. Listen, it sounds like the paper has a want-it need-it… equation inscribed on it. Based on the time it took for ponies to become completely enthralled by it, I doubt there’s an active caster currently fueling the… equation, so the only way a pony can be enthralled is by looking directly at it. Unfortunately, it sounds like the… equation gains power the more ponies want the ticket, creating an autocatalytic response. If you see the golden ticket, please don’t look directly at it. I’m going to try and work on a counter-equation.
Thank you for the insight, Twilight, you never told me you were a scientist.
Uh-huh. Do you have a quill and paper?
[Faint sound of papers ruffling in the background]
Thank you… Ugh, this would be so much easier if my horn wasn’t runed. Now I have to calculate my maximum… energy output and factor that into how quickly I can make the equation work.
Well, listeners, you heard Twilight, isn’t she just adorable?
Also, still right here.
Yes, you’re right. I shouldn’t talk about you when you’re around.
Or on the radio. Which I can hear. All the time. Because my horn apparently doubles as a radio transmitter.
Well, we can work on that later. The important thing right now is that–
Work on what? Helping me tune out your radio broadcasts or not talking about how cute I am on air?
Yes. The one… Both, of course. Obviously, I shouldn’t just go around talking about how cute and wonderful you are on the radio, nor should I talk about your perfect flowing mane and the way it accentuates your–
Rarity!
You’re right, I’m very sorry dear. How’s the counter equation going?
Would be going better if you didn’t keep distracting me. How’s the town?
Oh… Oh dear. Apparently, while we were talking, the riot made its way to the heart of the town, and there is now quite the commotion outside my house as ponies fight for possession of the golden ticket. If you aren’t affect by the ticket, please head inside immediately, and wait for a member of the weather team to give you the all clear. Listeners, I am getting a clear view of the ticket now and…
No! I can’t look at it. I can’t, but… Listeners, it’s absolutely wonderful, and I want it… No, I need it. It’s simply… the most beautiful thing in the world.
Wait! Rarity! You can’t leave now, who’s going to do the–
[The sound of a door opening and closing is audible as Twilight sighs]
Just great, what am I supposed to do now… What was that thing she did yesterday when she had to leave? Oh right! And now, the weather, I guess.
***
“Great!” Twilight yells as Rarity leaves the building to join the melee. “I didn’t need your help anyways. Why am I even trying to help this town, it’s clear everypony here is crazy!”
“You know, I can still hear you,” Lyra says from the control booth.
Twilight grinds her teeth. “And I don’t really care. You’re a part of this town, you’re a part of the madness, and I just… how can you live like this?”
As Twilight speaks, a wave of calm runs the length of her body, and her irritation at the town fades. Pony Vale is a wonderful town. You love it here, a voice in the back of her head reminds her. “Sorry,” Twilight says, shaking her head. “I guess I kind of spaced out there for a minute. Anyways, I think I have the counter equation ready, I just need time to cast it.” Which would be a lot easier if I didn’t have these stupid runes on my horn. Definitely going to be researching how these runes work once I’m done here. Hopefully their library is well stocked, Twilight mentally adds.
“Got it, how long do you need?” Lyra asks as Twilight gets up and heads to the door.
“No idea, if I knew more about how the… equation worked, it wouldn’t be a problem, but for that to happen, I’d need to look at the ticket, and that’s a bit of a problem,” Twilight says as the two unicorns head downstairs. “Hopefully nopony gets seriously hurt. Want-it need-it equations are incredibly dangerous if the caster doesn’t know how to undo the spell… err, equation. Hopefully I have the ma… resonance right.”
They open Rarity’s bloodstone door with a small offering, and stare out into the riot that Rarity is now forcing her way into the middle of. “It’s mine!” she yells at the top of her lungs. “Nopony else can have her… it. It’s mine!”
“I wonder what she sees,” Lyra says as Twilight’s horn begins to glow. “I bet it’s something really good.”
“Based on the feedback, I think it shows the viewer what they want most in the world. Actually, Rarity saying it was a golden ticket might have been a good thing because it shape locked the object in the mind of anypony hearing the broadcast.” Twilight frowns as the mob moves away from the building, a cream-colored mare grabbing the ticket and sprinting away.
Twilight and Lyra chase after the mob, careful to look at the ground as they pursue the crowd. Eventually, the chase reaches the entrance to Sugarcube Corner and the fighting mob stills as the pink herald emerges, her coat a shade of pink so violent it hurts the mind to comprehend. At least, it does for everypony but Twilight.
“What’s the big deal?” she asks Lyra. “It’s just this town’s version of Pinkie Pie.”
Lyra gasps. “You… look at her. She’s a monster. Nothing should be that pink. She’s a monster and my marefriend is trotting right for her.” Lyra throws herself at the crowd, struggling to break through the wall of ponies.
Twilight’s horn glows brighter as she continues to siphon the magic she needs for her spellwork. “Nope, Pinkie is always that pink. Not really that big an issue. I mean… it’s a bit more colorful than the rest of the town but… Actually, it’s a lot more colorful than this town. Why are the ponies here so gray? Why do I feel so gra–”
“Bon-Bon!” the Pink Herald yells. “You are the winner of our contest, do you know what that means?”
“I get to tour the confectionary?” Bon-Bon asks, her eyes wide and unfocused as she takes a step towards the Pink Herald as the other ponies in the crowd look at each other as their minds return to them.
“Yupperooni! Just step on inside, and we can start the tour,” the Pink Herald says, a giant smile plastered on her face. Bon-Bon trots towards opened door.
“Twilight, you have to do something,” Lyra pleads, looking back at her friend from the crowd she’s half wedged in. “I know… I know you don’t like it here, and you have no reason to do anything for this town after what it did to you, but she’s my marefriend, and she doesn’t deserve… She doesn’t deserve whatever the Pink Herald has planned.”
Without a second of hesitation, a beam of energy erupts from Twilight’s horn, arcing out towards the ticket and consuming it in a blast of violet energy, and causing Bon-Bon to stop in her tracks, suddenly aware of just where she is. The Pink Herald’s head swivels around towards the equation’s source, and she bounds over the entire crowd in an instant, landing just inches from Twilight Sparkle’s face. The Herald twists her head upside down and giggles.
“Ooh! The outsider Sparkle wants to play the game, not understanding the stakes. Not even understanding her own role in the game. Pawn of Harmony, sent to do what the rainbow couldn’t, but harmony will never find purchase in the land of madness and chaos. You will fail Twilight. This town will bind you to it, and make you just as broken as the rest of these ponies.” Pinkie lets out another bout of giggles. “Oh! It will be so fun to watch you be consumed by madness, and I’m sure when the Founder returns, you’ll worship at his feet just like everypony else in this town.”
Before Twilight can respond, the Pink Herald leaps back through the air and lands at the entrance to Sugarcube Corner, untwisting her head and giving the crowd a flourish. “Until next time, ponies, I hope to see you all at Sugarcube Corner one day soon.” She winks at Twilight. “And me and my friends will be sure to keep an eye on you, Sparkie. Can’t wait to see what you’ll get up to next.” With that, she bounces back into the bakery and the pink doors slam shut. The crowd quickly disperses leaving Twilight, Lyra, and Rarity to walk back to Rarity’s house, while Rarity makes a point of not looking at anypony.
“Alright,” Twilight says as they finally enter Rarity’s house. “Your Pinkie is definitely creepier than mine.”
***
Well, listeners, it looks like our town has a new protector: The outsider Twilight Sparkle. On her first day in town, she managed to save one of our citizens and a dear friend of mine. If this isn’t proof that our town shouldn’t be so closed minded, then I don’t know what is. That’s right, our town has something it hasn’t had in a long time: A hero, and not only is she smart and beautiful, but she is also my roommate. Ooh! I’m so excited I can barely contain myself.
[The muffled sound of a pony pounding on a door can be heard in the background]
Oh yes, I simply must learn not to talk about Twilight and her perfect mane on the air. For being a hero, she is certainly humble.
I’m not a hero.
Spoken with all the humility I’m coming to expect from her. Anyways, I think it’s important we all meditate on what the word 'hero' means. Maybe it isn’t that hard. Maybe being a hero just requires stepping up and doing the right thing when nopony else will. Maybe it just means doing something to help somepony else. Pony Vale is a great town, a wonderful, terrific city, epitomizing the ideas of equality and scientific rigor, but I believe that all of us can combine to make this town even better.
Perhaps our town’s problems aren’t so insurmountable. Perhaps we can deal with the night howler that still roams our town, although… maybe we should start with something smaller. Maybe we can start by helping those citizens troubled by the wailing of the scrublands get a good night’s sleep. Stay tuned for the sounds of a gentle lullaby. Good night, Pony Vale. Good night.
***
Late that night, a small dragon talking lizard sleeps at the foot of a bed, dreaming of a mountain of gems as the clopping of hooves on the floor slowly pulls him from his sleep. “Twilight?” he asks, looking at his guardian who’s pacing in a nervous circle. “What’s going on?”
“I’m thinking, Spike,” she says, turning to look at the dragon lizard. Twilight gestures at the scrolls from Princess Celestia. “This whole town is sick, Spike, and Celestia… she can’t even find us on a map. But… I think I have a plan. I think I know how we can bring Celestia here and save Pony Vale, and it all hinges on Rarity’s radio.”