I... I failed.
Through the double doors in front of me, I can hear the applause for her. The stallion, panting with the exertion of holding me back, turns to me.
"Hey, I can let you in now."
I look up at him, shaking my head. Instead, I get up and start walking back home.
All along the way back, I hear her voice, the pain, the sorrow... and the final resolution, "This friendship is over."
That's what did it. Those four words. Since then, I've been entirely off balance. I rushed out of my session with Neon, trying to be there for her.
And failing. Failing to be there. Failing to prove my worth. Failing to prove I deserve her friendship.
Like she said, this wasn't the first time it had happened. My inspiration struck at odd times. More often than not, I'd missed her performances, instead focusing on recording mixes that had come to my head in the late hours of the afternoon.
Sometimes I only noticed I'd missed another performance because I heard her come in the door with a sigh. Sometimes... I didn't even notice then.
It starts sprinkling.
Why not? It's not like I deserve better. I'll probably just go home, lock the door to my bedroom and drink my problems away, again.
Wait... I can't.
Why not? Because she won't be there tomorrow morning. She won't be there to help with my hangover like she always is. She won't be there at 'my' next performance, like she always has been in the past. She won't be making breakfast... won't be getting the mail... won't be there for me.
Why should she? Have I been there for her? No. I've been selfish, thinking only of myself. Never asking her what her plans are. No, I just apologize, then take her to dinner. Make promises I can't keep.
Buck that. I'm going to do something new. Even if it's too late, I have to try.
I pull out my phone, speed-dialing her number as I sit next to a streetlamp, rain darkening my coat.
It rings once, then is sent straight to voice mail. I sit, listening to her voice.
"Hello, you've reached Octavia Von Clef. I am terribly sorry to have missed your call. Please leave your name and number and I'll reply as soon as I can. Thank you."
Beep.
"Uh, hi Octy... It's me, Vinyl... I know you're probably disappointed in me... You have every right to be. I'm not calling to offer to make it up to you, to take you to that restaurant like I always do."
"I'm calling to say I'm sorry. Sorry for all the gigs of yours that I've missed. For all the times I've brushed you off, or gotten distracted."
...
"I heard the applause. I ditched Neon about... 2 hours ago, I think. I was too late. Guard wouldn't let me in. Should've known it wouldn't be that easy. I bucked up. Now I gotta deal with the results. I'll... I'll just stay in a hotel for tonight. Let you think about this. Just let me know if you want me to leave... I'll..."
Celestia dammit, I won't cry.
"I'll start looking for a new place, K? Talk to you later. Bye."
Hanging up, I go back to our place, grab some bits, my favorite pillow, and an umbrella. I set off towards the nearest hotel.
Column's Comforts. It's a small place. Owned by this one mare that likes my music. She's always happy to listen to me talk about music or whatever. Seems like I'm one of the few regulars she has.
I push open the door, closing the umbrella as I do.
"Well, if it isn't my favorite customer. How... Hey, V, something wrong?"
The mare comes up to me, apparently picking up on my emotions. I shake my head, coughing a bit.
"Nah, just need a bed for the night. Single."
She looks at me, face filled with concern as her horn lights up, grabbing a small key from behind the counter. She drops it in my hoof, shaking her head as I start counting out bits.
"Don't. Look, something's wrong, I can tell. But it's none of my business if you don't wanna talk. But I'll help as best I can. So the room's on the house tonight. I'll be down here all night if you want to talk, Vinyl."
She smiles sadly at me. I give her a quick hug before heading up the stairs to my home for the night.
A few hours later finds me heading back down those stairs. Unable to sleep, I decide to take up that mare's offer. I just hope she's still awake.
And so she is. She sits on a couch in front of a roaring fireplace, a cup held in her magic next to her as she does something with some yarn and a needle. She looks up as she hears me coming down the stairs, a kind smile on her face as she sets aside her work, patting the couch cushion next to her.
"Bed not quite comfy yet, eh? That's fine. Come take a load off."
I smile wearily, taking a seat next to her as she takes a sip of her drink... Hey... That smells like...
"Is that... coffee?"
She grins at the incredulous look on my face, giggling lightly as she sets it on a small table.
"Yeah. Odd I know, but my... chemistry makes it help me sleep. But that's not important right now. What's important right now is you."
She points a hoof at me, that kind smile returning to her face. She wears the look well, like a mother that's heard everything and knows that she can help her child with any problem. It feels nice, knowing she cares.
It's different from her normal look when I normally visit for a night with somepony I picked up at a club. Normally she just loves talking about my music, almost like she's chatting me up for my night's company.
Now, though, she's a different mare. Motherly and kind.
I sigh, knowing she's going to drag the story out of me, no matter what.
"I certainly don't feel important. I feel like a failure."
Grimacing, she turns back to the fireplace. More than likely ready to say something about how I'm wrong, how I'm special and important in my own way, like everypony does.
"Ms. Scratch."
I look at her. I haven't been called that for years.
"Uh... yeah?"
She takes a sip of her coffee, staring into the flames as if all of life's answers are among the burning logs.
"Of course you're a failure."
She grins as she says this, holding up a hoof as I start to get angry at her.
"Hear me out. Everypony has, or will, fail. Eventually. You, me, and everypony else. However, I don't look like a failure, right?"
Mollified, I nod slightly as she frowns at a passing thought.
"Some failures... Some failures are big. Big enough to cost friendships, trust, and even family bonds. Others are small. Forgetting an important date, or a specific allergy."
She turns back to me, that same sad smile on her face.
"What matters, is how we deal with our failures when we realize them. What is your failure, Vinyl?"
I sigh, leaning back on the couch as I think about where to start.
"I missed another one of Tavi's performances... It was really important to her... She'd saved me a seat and everything. I was working with Neon on a new mix when she called me from backstage to remind me. I was already in the zone. Neon and I were making serious progress and I knew I'd lose the flow if I left."
She nods, waiting for me to continue. I sigh, knowing this is going to be difficult, but that if I don't, I won't get any sleep.
"So... I told her I had to blow this one off. That I was already too deep in my own work to stop. She seemed cool with it at first, but then she changed her mind."
I pause, remembering her words. My single pony audience sips her coffee before speaking.
"What did she say?"
I look at her, eyes starting to water again.
"That I'd done this kind of thing too often in the past, that I'd really let her down. Then she said those four words I never imagined I'd hear from her."
I catch my breath, stopping myself from crying. The mare places her hoof on my shoulder reassuringly.
"It's alright, Vinyl. You don't have to go on if you don't want to."
I shake my head.
"No, I need to talk about it. She said... Well, to quote her, 'Consider this friendship over'."
After that, I do break down. The tears start as I tell her about the rest of the evening. Leaving Neon, running to the performance hall, fighting with the guard, missing the performance, and, finally, the call. The entire time, she stays with me, hoof on my shoulder. Once I finish my story, she nods, gives me a quick hug, then sends me to my room. As I head up the stairs, she says one final thing.
"Every mare, stallion, and foal has a flaw, Vinyl. The ones who become great, like the Elements of Harmony, or the Princesses? Those are the ones who figure out how to overcome, or negate their flaw. You are capable of being a great pony, Vinyl. And you've already taken your first steps."
Apparently done, she picks up her yarn and needle again, returning to her work as if she never left it.
I head upstairs to my room, lay down with my favorite pillow, and think about what she said, until I fall asleep.
End