It was evening, sunset to be exact. Fluttershy and Big Mac were enjoying the view, like they had a few times before. There wasn’t much else to do in Ponyville at this time of day. Most shops and other outdoor activities had closed down for the night. So, there they sat, staring at the sun without a care in the world.
Three months. For three months this has been going on now. Why can’t I just tell him how I feel? Why doesn’t he try to make a move? Is he as shy as I am? No... he’s Big Mac. He’s not shy, he’s just quiet... right?
Fluttershy had been meaning to tell the red stallion how she really felt about him for quite some time now. Her entire life had been dominated by silence, having always been too shy to speak up about anything. She couldn’t stand up for herself. In fact, she couldn’t even stand to disappoint anypony, always doing her very best to avoid having to do just that. It was the main source of all her problems, that damned shyness.
If only I could just tell him! Life would be so much easier if I weren't... me...
“Mac?” she asked, her voice as soft as ever.
“Eeyup?”
“...I... nothing. Never mind,” she said, looking away from the stallion beside her.
It had happened again. Once again, she had tried to tell Big Mac how she felt, and once again, she had locked up completely. Truth be told, she wasn’t even sure what she was so afraid of.
I’ve spent so many evenings with him already, always doing the same thing... staring at the sunset. But... he’s here, with me. That has to mean something, right?
Maybe Big Mac has the same problem after all? He has always been the silent type...
Fluttershy sighed to herself. Big Mac looked up at the sudden noise, a questioning expression on his face as he turned to look at Fluttershy.
“It’s nothing, Big Mac. Let’s not ruin the moment,” she said with a giggle. Holding back another sigh, Fluttershy continued to stare at the sunset. Big Mac seemed to shrug off his worries, returning to the sunset with a smile on his face.
Why? Why not? What is so difficult about those words, that just thinking of speaking them aloud makes me feel sick?
A chill crept up her spine. It was cold outside, and even though she was huddled up against the stallion she had come to love so much over the past few months, the cold was getting to her. She crept a little closer to Big Mac, who didn’t seem to notice.
Go on, tell him! she thought, trying to convince herself that absolutely nothing could go wrong, and that Big Mac had been waiting for her to get the conversation going this whole time.
Nothing happened. More silence, as always.
Another deep sigh later, she still hadn’t made any progress. All she needed was to take her mind off of it, and she knew this, but it was just so difficult to stop thinking about the pony you love if you’re sitting right next to him. Watching the sun set, no less.
Not much time had passed before she found herself hoping that Big Mac would make a move on her. Just a small one, like a hoof on her shoulder, or just holding hooves. She edged a little closer to him once again. This time, Big Mac noticed, looking her in the eye for a moment before returning to the sunset. The rest of the evening passed slowly, Big Mac sitting next to Fluttershy, making no attempt to talk to her, silent as always.
“I... I think I’m going to go home now,” Fluttershy said after some time, deciding that she had spent enough time with the stallion, at least for now. She wanted nothing more than to stay there and sit with him, perhaps wait for the sunrise, but they both had things to do; Fluttershy had her animals to feed, and Big Mac had the farm...
“Eeyup.”
Her heart skipped a beat as Big Mac stood and looked her in the eye, but her hopes quickly faded as he turned to head home.
“Goodnight Big Mac, it’s been fun. Let’s do this again sometime soon.” Fluttershy was trying desperately to hide any disappointed feelings she might have had, but that became a little more difficult to do every single time she tried. Three months already, and Big Mac still hadn't caught on.
Maybe he just doesn't want to catch on...
“Eeyup,” he called back to her, already on his way back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Always the same with him. She smiled.
Fifteen minutes later, Fluttershy strolled up the path to her cottage. An air of sadness surrounded the pegasus, but she made an effort to hide her mood when she noticed her favorite pet bunny sitting in the doorway to her house.
Angel had been waiting for her with empty food bowl next to him and a look of anticipation in his eyes. He quickly perked up as Fluttershy came closer, apparently hoping that whatever she had been doing had put her in a good enough mood to give him some extra treats.
“Oh, Angel. You’ve had your supper, and it’s much too late for sweets now. You won’t be able to sleep!”
The bunny shoved the bowl aside, now apparently more interested in Fluttershy herself. He tugged at her hoof, pointing towards the forest in the distance.
“You... want to play with me?” Fluttershy asked, guessing by the gestures the little bunny was making that he wanted to play Hide and Seek.
“Uhm... I’m not really in the mood for playing right now, Angel. I’m sorry.” Angel didn’t seem too surprised by her answer, but he definitely did seem disappointed by the idea of yet another evening going to waste. Ears falling to the side of his head, he picked up his food bowl and slowly left the open doorway, reluctantly allowing Fluttershy to pass.
Normally, he wouldn’t have given up so easily, but this had been going on for a few weeks now, and he had learned that whatever kept happening to his owner whenever she went outside always left her feeling a little down at best.
Poor Angel. All he wants is to play, and I turn him down because I can’t talk to Big Mac.
“I’m sorry, Angel. We’ll play first thing tomorrow morning, alright?” She smiled as she asked this, trying to con the little white rabbit into thinking that everything was fine.
A quick nod from her favourite bunny confirmed the plans, and she made for her bedroom. Angel wasn’t quite finished, however. A tiny prod in Fluttershy’s hind leg made this clear.
“What’s wrong, Angel? It’s late and I’d really like to go to bed right now,” Fluttershy said, even though she had no idea what time it was.
All Angel did was hug her hoof, as it was the only part of her that he could easily reach. The idea behind this sudden display of affection was very clear, though: ’Don’t worry, things will be fine.’
Fluttershy couldn’t help it; she could feel the familiar sting of a tear welling up in her eye. Angel had no clue what was wrong; she hadn’t told him or anypony else. Despite this, he was still trying to cheer her up, undeterred by all his failed efforts over the past few weeks.
You really don’t deserve this, Angel. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.
“Go on, Angel, you should get some sleep. I’ll be sure to leave my bad mood behind when I get out of bed tomorrow."
Angel didn't seem convinced. He wouldn't let go of her hoof, as if he thought Fluttershy had misunderstood the message. He squeezed a little tighter, as if trying to tell her that he'd never let her go.
“I’ll be fine, Angel, really. You go to sleep now; it’ll be a busy day tomorrow if you really want to make up for today’s missed time.” She tried to fake a playful smile as she said this, and judging by Angel’s reaction, it worked. The little bunny let her go, although reluctantly, and turned away from Fluttershy, hopping away to nowhere in particular.
The smile she had been faking faded as she entered her bedroom. She felt sad, maybe even lonely, and nothing anypony could say or do would change that. Well, Big Mac could change it in a second, but there didn’t seem to be any chance of that. She’d spent so many nights dreaming about it that the very idea of being in a steady relationship with him seemed more like some surreal work of fantasy than something that could actually happen.
But somewhere deep inside, she knew she had a chance. It was what kept her going; that last tiny sliver of hope that one day, she and Big Mac could be more than just friends. She shoved the thoughts aside.
Now isn’t the time for this, she thought as she tried to take her mind off of Big Mac, focusing on tomorrow. I need rest, and I’m not going to get any if i keep worrying about this.
“Goodnight, Angel,” she whispered, even though she knew he couldn’t hear her. She closed the door, letting go of a final sigh as she made for her bed.
She crawled onto her bed, ready for another sleepless night. Most of her nights nowadays were spent planning that one elusive conversation between her and Big Mac, even though she knew it would never happen.
“...And goodnight, Big Mac.”
Fluttershy had always liked being alone. It was why she surrounded herself with animals rather than other ponies. Animals couldn't talk, and they couldn't judge either. They were just so much easier to be around. Time spent around animals was time for thought, a time in which nopony else could bother you, a time in which... you could be yourself.
She thought of the evening as she closed her eyes, too consumed in her thoughts to even care about setting her alarm. She didn’t have any plans for tomorrow anyway, aside from playing with Angel, and he was a late sleeper if you gave him the chance. He always had been.
Nothing like Big Mac, she thought, quickly followed by regret for thinking of him again.
Every night, it was the same story. She’d dream about herself, having the courage to just walk up to him, and just... kiss him... or hug him... or even just tell him. But it was always a dream, never reality. Every morning, she’d wake up to find herself in bed, instantly overcome with sadness as she realised that it had all been just another dream. It was all she had really felt the past few weeks, aside from when she was around him.
Enough of this. I’ve spent too much time worrying about it already. It’s even come to the point where it’s affecting those around me, she thought to herself, images of her disappointed pet bunny flashing through her mind.
Trying her very best to keep her mind empty, she waited. Waited for sleep to come.
Maybe music will help make me feel better? she thought after some time, giving up on sleep for the moment.
Music always makes me feel better, and it’s been a while since we’ve last practiced. The last time was for the Grand Galloping Gala, wasn’t it?
After considering the plan for a few more moments, she decided that she’d give music a chance if nothing else happened.
It’s not like I have any better ideas, anyway. Playing with Angel won’t take all day. He always grows tired of playing the same games.
This was true. The little bunny liked playing, Hide and Seek in particular, but he could never stick to one game for very long. He always got distracted, running off to find food or just getting bored with whatever game they were playing and hiding somewhere for Fluttershy to find him.
Those plans usually backfired on him nowadays. Fluttershy had learned that if she just waited long enough, hunger would get the best of the little bunny, and he’d come home. She didn’t like letting Angel go hungry like that, but hours upon hours of searching had left her no alternative.
Yes, some music will help, I’m sure. I wonder how the birds are doing? The gala was weeks ago, and I haven’t practiced with them since...
With that final thought of composing some music with her birds, something she actually felt like doing that didn’t involve him, she drifted off to sleep, reluctant to find out what she would be doing in her dreams this time.