//------------------------------// // Chapter 33: Escort Mission // Story: At the Inn of the Prancing Pony // by McPoodle //------------------------------// At the Inn of the Prancing Pony Chapter 33: Escort Mission The unicorn strike force—it wasn’t quite big enough to justify the name of “army”—set out from the capital of Unicornia a couple of hours before dawn. Little was told to the common soldier as to the goals of this particular maneuver. Considering that both of the royal brothers were involved, the consensus was that yet another meaningless promotion was in the offing—perhaps Prince Trove would end up as Grand Captain Marshall Supremo this time. The Crown Prince was fed a steady diet of pastries and fine coffees as rode in a palanquin beside Blueblood. “So what are we doing this time?” he asked. “I slept through Mommy’s little speech.” “Just stick your head outside every few hours and wave,” Blueblood said darkly. “That’ll probably be enough.” “How fortunate!” Trove exclaimed. “I’m extremely good at that.” So he stuck his head outside, looked around, and came back in. “We’re slowing down.” “Wave some more,” his brother instructed him. Great, he thought, Horn’s Reach. Here comes the fun part. “And now we’ve stopped!” Trove complained over his shoulder. “Would you be a sweet little brother and go take care of it?” “Oh very well,” Blueblood said with a playful roll of his eyes. He hopped down to the ground, used his magic to properly disarray his dress uniform, and strolled leisurely to the front of the line. “Ah,” he said, on seeing who was leading the group of ponies keeping them from proceeding, “the famed Captain Sparkle herself! Thank you ever so much for your punctuality. If you would join our little group, we can be on our way. We actually don’t need your troop though, excellent as they are. You see, this operation would greatly benefit from speed. No offense.” The mare stepped up to Blueblood, a bit closer than was really necessary, to stare directly into the Prince’s eyes. “I know,” she said simply and firmly, before turning and waving to a few troops. Two of them joined her, and the rest moved to fall into line with the rest of the group. “Our troops are quite fast,” the colt on her back said eagerly, bowing his head a few degrees toward Blueblood. “We’ve only got the best with us right now, and will not slow you at all, Your Highness.” “Excellent, excellent!” Blueblood exclaimed. “Shall we be on our way, then?” The colt held out a hoof in a plea for patience. “Well, we’ve figured out that you are on your way, that is to say...we know where you are going but I’m afraid that we haven’t been told why. This information would be most helpful in figuring out whether we are here in a combative or aid role, it would also—” “Ah, yes, yes of course!” Blueblood said glibly, putting a leg around the Captain’s withers. “Just between you and me, of course, but we’re here to escort a diplomatic envoy across Equestria. Guard duty on the hoof, more or less. Of course, if anypony happens to object to our presence, then things might get a little bit ugly, but I’m sure you’re up for that! You’re Captain Sparkle, for crying out loud! There’s no mess that you couldn’t handle!” Captain Moonlight Sparkle turned her head slowly, before grabbing Blueblood’s hoof with her magic, and lifting it off of her. “Except for a dagger in the back,” she said, examining the Prince closely and then straightening the curl of his mane with a hoof. “You’ve given us enough hollow reassurances to keep us from asking you any more delicate questions. But let me reassure you, I will hold you responsible for the result of this maneuver, not the figurehead in the carriage.” She then waved him away. “You may go.” “Why, thank you, Captain,” Blueblood said with an exaggerated bow, then turning to his forces. “Now let’s move out!” # # # The expedition crossed the border into the no-pony’s land theoretically claimed by the non-existent Earth Pony Presidency, and wheeled southwards. Trove was performing his waving exercise like usual when he happened to glance up. “Brother,” he asked. “Why are there so many birds in the sky?” Blueblood smiled to himself. “It must be the time of their annual migration.” “Oh,” said Trove. A few minutes later he asked, “Aren’t birds supposed to go south this time of year? These birds are flying west.” “Well,” said Blueblood, “they probably have a pegasus leading them.” Trove bust out into raucous laughter. “Probably!” he cried. There was a brisk knock on the carriage side. “I’d stick my head out,” said Trove, “but I might get it knocked on!” “Yes, I suppose I should take the lumps instead,” said Blueblood. “Bravo!” cried Trove. “Yes?” Blueblood asked, peeking outside. The captain’s brother, bouncing in time with her trot, nodded to Blueblood. “Sir, there appears to be a large flight of armored but non-combative dragons overhead. Are we supposed to engage them or escort them?” he asked simply. “Oh, the dragons are the group we’re supposed to be escorting,” Blueblood said nonchalantly. “It appears they have devised an ingenious method for not wanting to kill every pony they lay eyes on. Did I neglect to inform you of this earlier?” The colt nodded, smiling as though this was all a joke. “Indeed you did. It looks like Moonlight has won yet another bet. In the future, do be so kind as to inform us regarding such unusual and exceptional details, it would almost seem like you’re trying to test her patience.” The captain, mid stride, turned her head to glare at Blueblood, before facing front again. “I am so sorry!” Blueblood said, putting a hoof to his chest. “It must have been all of those mimosas I had for breakfast.” “Mimosas!” cried Trove from inside the carriage. “Are you holding out on me?” “So let’s see, what should I have told you? We’re crossing the border—well, we wouldn’t have come by your neck of the woods if we weren’t planning on crossing the border, so that’s not much of a secret. We’re escorting dragons.” He put his hoof to his chin. “And there’s something else, I’m sure of it…” The two Sparkles waited patiently as the group marched onward past the walls of Redfern, and the colt took on an ever increasingly incredulous expression. “Were you dropped on your head as a foal!?” He finally asked the prince, tossing up his hooves and clipboard in exasperation. “Oh repeatedly,” Blueblood answered. “What was the name of that game you played with me, Brother?” “Bluebloodball!” cried the voice from inside. “Your head was ever so springy!” “There you have it,” Blueblood said before leaning in close. “Although confidentially, the young heir had an odd habit of mistaking his own head for my mine from time to time.” “The royal family, everypony,” Moonlight muttered. “Oh, here we are!” Blueblood cried out, pointing at the road that led down from the Canterhorn, occupied by dozens of dragons walking in formation. “And I finally remembered! We’re going to be paying a visit to the Inn in Hoofington. But no time for that! We have formations to plan, and ranks to coordinate!” He hopped down from the palanquin before the stunned Sparkles, and raced off to greet the lead of the dragon expedition. As he rushed away, two wide-eyed Sparkles wrote out and quickly sent a magically impregnated scroll, knowing that their father would likely be too late to join them. Moonlight kept her gaze on the Prince’s back, no doubt left in her mind that Blueblood was something more than an inept fool. Something much more. At the front of the dragon column was a thin iridescent blue drake, not even three times the size of an average pony. He was dressed in a sharp navy blue uniform that complemented the dull blue helmet that allowed him to think clearly while in Equestria. “Prince Commander Generalissimo Blueblood,” he said with a sharp salute. “I am Praporshchik Hanrielt of the Green Tribe, requesting an escort to the Inn of the Prancing Pony, in your fair country.” “It is an honor to finally meet you,” Blueblood said after matching the salute. “I have heard but the merest rumors of your expedition against New Mooscovy, but what battles they must have been!” “I am gratified that word of my deeds has traveled so far. As to battles, well, with any luck, there shall be no battle today,” Hanrielt replied. “Oh, that is my most heartfelt wish,” said the prince. “Equestria shall be put once again upon the path of Harmony, and the less blood shed, the better.” “A curious thing to say, considering how very well armed your force is,” commented Kameneva from a few ranks behind the dragon commander. “This is to get us to the Inn,” said the Prince, sweeping a hoof over the terrain to the west. “All of the land between here and there is infested with adventurers. Engaging with them is contrary to our goals, but the best way to prevent such a confrontation would be a show of force!” “That’s funny—I thought a pair of these did the job just as well,” said one of the other dragons, casually displaying his massive wingspan. “Yes,” the Prince said with a smirk, “I suppose those would fill the need to intimidate. Well, are we ready to begin?” Hanrielt looked back at his forces, and their looks of encouragement. “Yes,” he declared. “Let this historic mission begin!” The “historic mission” began with walking. “Ugh, this is taking forever!” Prince Trove complained. “And how come you never let me talk to the dragons?” “Oh, I am doing you a great favor, Brother,” Blueblood answered, trotting alongside the palanquin. “You see, they all smell of red cabbages.” “Oh, I despise red cabbages!” Trove replied. “Say, what is that dark and nasty wood over there?” “That is the dark and nasty wood, brother. The Everfree.” “The Everfree! Oh, tell me we aren’t going in there!” “Brother, that would be suicide, even for one as incredibly brave as you are. No, we shall be getting a lift from our new allies.” # # # A few minutes later: “Oh, I say!” Trove exclaimed from his dragon mount, pointing downwards. “That one is positively blood-curdling!” “Yes,” Blueblood replied laconically from beside him. “I believe it is known as a sloth.” “The horror!” Most of the dragons were big enough to carry two or even three ponies upon their backs, secured with rope harnesses. The dragons on the edge of the formation were riderless, to maximize their ability to respond quickly to threats. Hanreilt had no rider, and in fact was too small for one; Kameneva carried Muddy Pie, who had somehow remained unnoticed by any pony or dragon the entire trip. As they flew, the dragons saw many awestruck or downright terrified ponies below. A few attempted to throw spears or fire magical bolts at them, but none caused any noticeable damage. In less than an hour, they were able to swoop down to utterly surround the Inn of the Prancing Pony. Mr. Silver was the first pony to dare to emerge from the structure and oddly, he seemed ecstatic. “At last! At last!” he exclaimed. “I knew that we would be admitting dragon applicants one day, but that fool Nestoria refused to believe me! I can’t wait to see the look on her face!” Muddy hopped down from Kameneva’s back and approached the doorpony. “Excuse me, are you in charge here?” he asked sweetly. “Well, not as such...I take care of the place while the gods are away. How may I help you?” “We’re looking for an earth pony named Hope Springs. We’re all here looking for Hope Springs.” Mr. Silver cast his eyes about him, at the dragon and armed unicorns that surrounded him on all sides. He began to suspect that these weren’t all applicants. “Ah...never heard of her?” “No, I think you do know her,” said Prince Blueblood, trotting over to join his servant. “Or perhaps you recall the pony she accompanied here, one Midnight Sparkle?” “Ah, the Lady Midnight Sparkle! I never forget an applicant. Yes, she was here.” “And did anything untoward happen when she became an adventurer?” Blueblood asked intently. “No...no, not that I can recall.” Blueblood frowned. A pity, he thought. It appears that I threw her life away for nothing. I’m blaming her for being far too convincing when she told me she had a way to defeat them. “Did Hope Springs speak out of turn, for an average retainer?” the Captain asked, not bothering to declare herself as she approached the three. “That’s right, she did have a retainer. To be honest, I never really pay much attention to retainers. Adventurers pretty much treat them as cannon-fodder, so it’s kind of a waste of time, you see. This particular one showed a bit of impertinence at first, but that was soon corrected. And she accompanied Lady Sparkle after her change, but at that point it had become adventurer’s prerogative. Are you perhaps relatives”—and rather intimidating acquaintances—“of this ‘Springs’ pony?” “You could say that,” Blueblood said, tapping the top of an ornate wooden box he had brought out from the palanquin with him. “You could say that we’ve got something for her.” “Oh, well you’re a bit late,” Mr. Silver replied. “Lady Sparkle and her party—and half of the Inn—left for the Unicorn Range about three days ago. I wouldn’t worry—about Lady Sparkle anyway. Her party included Burnished Lore, one of Equestria’s greatest experts on monsters and tomb delving.” Captain Sparkle sighed, and shook her head. “Hope will not have remained there for long. From what I understand, the Inn and its effects would be her focus.” She turned to look directly as Blueblood. “Is this the part where we invade the Inn? It is your plan, after all.” Mr. Silver looked around him nervously. “Is it?” Blueblood rubbed his chin, and looked up at Praporshchik Hanrielt. “It’s not like the gods live in the Inn,” he said. “At least, that was the conclusion reached by my intelligence.” “So what are we here for?” asked the dragon commander. “Well, to provoke a confrontation, to force the powers that be to recognize the inevitability of victory and surrender. I mean, we could burn down the Inn…” Mr. Silver whimpered. “...But that seems rather a waste. Also, I was rather desirous of meeting Miss Springs first, just in case she had the kind of incredibly genius plans she’s known for. Oh, I suppose a bit of pageantry is called for. Prince! Prince Trove!” “Yes?” asked the crown prince, emerging from the back of the crowd. “We are going to tear down the gods, you and me.” “Tear down the...have you lost leave of your senses?!” “No, no, it’s finally time for us to do our duty as princes. Now you begin.” “What...what shall I do?” “You remember what you said you’d do if you ever met Foaltus?” “You mean, the one who arranged for the kidnapping of Father?” “Yes.” “Now? In front of all these po...people? But it was rude!” “Sometimes rudeness is called for,” Blueblood said, stepping back and holding a hoof aloft in his brother’s direction. “Sometimes it is necessary to say the unspeakable, and draw down the very lightning of the gods! You’re the elder, so I’ll let you go first.” Trove frowned at his brother. “I won’t forget this, Brother.” “Oh I do hope you will, Brother, because that would mean that you survived to remember.” “Quite. Now then: Hey Foaltus! You with the robe!” What followed was one of the most bizarre diatribes ever heard by dragon ears, involving far too many references to the ingredients of dog food. All of which accomplished...nothing. Well, practically nothing. “That’s funny,” observed Edgar. “My ears are burning for some reason.” “Huh,” Muddy said quietly to Blueblood. “Normally, that would have done something. The gods must be really busy today.” “Well that’s no good!” Blueblood exclaimed. “I’ve got a schedule to keep! Look, Silver?” “Yes?” Mr. Silver looked a good deal more relaxed than before. He began to think that he might not have to hire contractors to fix the Inn again. “Is Hope Springs in the Inn? We really need to talk to her.” “No,” said Mr. Silver flatly. Blueblood looked around him. “What about that building?” “The stable? Possibly.” Captain Sparkle nodded and waved over three of her soldiers, before marching toward the stable. Blueblood could practically feel control of the situation slipping away from him. “This party of adventurers, did it by any chance include a pegasus named Firebelle?” “No,” said Mr. Silver. “And before you ask, no Firebelle ever arrived at the Inn. We were expecting her, but...well, not everypony makes it through the Everfree. My, uh...condolences. If, once again, she was somepony dear to you.” Blueblood winced. “Oh, Rigged is not going to like that.” Silver blanched. “Rigged. As in Rigged Bee.” “Oh yes, they were quite close.” Blueblood was gratified to see that he had put the doorkeeper back in panic mode, but otherwise, he had accomplished nothing, and was pretty much at the end of his rope by this point. “Look, this group...they’re just going out to raid another dracolisk lair, right?” He then looked nervously over his shoulder at the dragons. “Ah...no offence.” He was answered only with a dozen glares. “No, no, this is one of the deluxe packages,” Mr. Silver said glibly. “They’re off to save the world.” # # # In the distance, Captain Sparkle was marching into the stable, and her little brother was asking the ponies in a large common room about Hope Springs. “Hope Springs?” said Copper Plate, looking up from her magnum opus. “She saved me from becoming an adventurer! I’m documenting the whole incredible story, for all the world to know. There will be wizards, and warriors, and a dozen dragons…” She happened to look out the window. “Wow!” she exclaimed, racing over with a new sheet of paper. “So many models!” Sorrel, standing at the back of the room, merely rolled his eyes. Moonlight looked over to Sorrel. “What about you? Do you know where Hope Springs has gone?” “She left with Midnight,” the earth pony reported. “To keep her out of trouble long enough to return to herself. After all, the Lady did succeed one out of four tries.” The Captain tilted her head slightly. “I’m so sorry, I’m poor of hearing, what was that? One out of four?” “Lady Sparkle, my sister, Copper’s sister, and Copper herself. All four were slated to become adventurers, all four wore Lady Sparkle’s possession-proof inventions overnight, and the next morning, Copper’s still Copper, and the others are...well, you know.” “Interesting... What did Hope Springs have to do with this process?” “She seemed to me to be the Lady’s assistant in the matter. So with the Lady herself removed from the scene, that would leave Miss Springs as the only one with any understanding of how the process worked. Maybe not well enough to make another cloak, but enough to eventually reconstruct the Lady’s work, given time. The best course of action would be for the Lady to reach ‘retirement’, so that was Hope’s goal in the interim. Besides, Copper’s sister was in the same party as the Lady, so it was a two-for-one deal, if you get my drift.” “I see.” Captain Sparkle turned to leave, but seemed to think better of it. “One last question. Do any of Midnight’s friends have a chosen deity that is...less than conventional?” “Well, most of us don’t know or care, but one or two are simply...Forsaken.” The Captain did an about face and stepped closer to him. “Say the name.” “Can I?” Sorrel asked. “There are consequences, this close to their bastion.” “Fine, then I will ask for confirmation in another way.” From her armor, a medallion of the sun was pulled and dropped to the floor to roll in a tight circle, glinting gold in the candle light. “Is that their goddess?” “That’s the one,” Sorrel said. “Her, and her uncorrupted sister. Assuming such a being ever existed—I have my doubts.” Moonlight grabbed the medallion and left without another word. # # # “You’ve been calling the wrong deity, you pompous bastard,” Captain Moonlight said gleefully as she trotted up to the gathering. Blueblood rolled his eyes. “We were collecting important information!” he replied, slapping the practically useless “map” to the Lost Caverns that he had been given. She just laughed, oddly jovial, considering her normally dour mood. “We must call upon the goddess of the sun, and all ponies,” she instructed the crowd. “She is the key to all this, Blueblood. I’m frankly stunned that you didn’t already know that.” Blueblood burst into a belly laugh, slapping the top of the ornate box beside him so hard that the metallic objects within could be heard to jangle. “Oh, you really need to work on your timing, good Sir Captain. But if it will make you feel any better: Celestia, Mistress of the Sun and Rightful Princess of Equestria, hear our glorious prayer, swoop down from the heavens, and save all of us naughty ponies!” He finished his speech with hoof outstretched towards the sun, and waited in that position, then he made to put that hoof to one ear. “What’s that? You can’t do it alone? You’d like us to help you save Equestria? Well, if you insist…” Moonlight’s hoof struck him in the jaw with considerable force, knocking him straight to the ground. “Don’t. You. Dare to speak Her name as a joke,” she hissed. “We’re done here. You’re only going to waste our time, tricking and leading us along with half information, I don’t give a damn if you are the prince, you’ve shown that you don’t care one bit for any pony but yourself. You’re no prince in my eyes, and if I must lose my position to say it aloud, I shall. Go plough yourself, Blueblood.” Then she turned, and commanded her contingent to head on to the next town. “I’m no prince in anypony’s eyes,” Blueblood muttered darkly to himself. “Farewell, Captain!” He called to the retreating ponies. “Have fun finding a way back through the Everfree!” He turned to the dragons. “Now I, on the other hoof, am mounting a rescue operation for Hope Springs, Lady Sparkle, and the rest of her party.” “For what reason?” asked Hanreilt. “We need only wait, and ‘Hope’ will return to us.” “Probably,” said Blueblood, rising to his hooves and rubbing his jaw. “Quite probably. Except for the fact that the gods are hiding in these ‘lost caverns’.” “You guess,” said the commander contemptuously. “It sounds to me like these ponies in the caverns might be what we are looking for, if only because they are trying to save the world,” a yellow-brown dragon said from within the ranks of the dragon accompaniment. Blueblood gestured encouragingly at the speaker. “See?” # # # The tiny Sparkle regiment was walking past the stable, when Sparkling Helm spotted a small red dragon in the room with Sorrel and Copper Plate. Copper was pronking around the dragon, crying out, “Best plot twist ever!”, while Sorrel looked like he could have been knocked over with a feather. “This...this changes everything!” he finally cried. “We have to help the Princess!” The captain almost continued on without bothering to look into the discussion, but the word “Princess” stopped her, and she nodded toward her brother, who hopped down and guided the soldiers toward a nearby park to set up a temporary post, while Moonlight moved closer to the dragon. “I have had enough of the lies spread by the Prince and his chameleon servant,” the dragon said, leading the others outside. “We need to join Princess Cel—oh, good day, dame captain,” she said, catching sight of Moonlight Sparkle. “You say Her name with reverence,” the Captain said earnestly. “That is a rare thing, it seems. How are you hoping to help the Princess?” Dame Kameneva stood up straight. “I speak her name in the Spirit of Friendship, as she taught me...before she lost her way. But, if these ponies speak true, she has found herself once again, and once again I pray it will be my honor to stand and fight at her side against the forces of evil!” A rare smile took to the Captain’s face, and she removed her helmet, offering a hoof. “I am Captain Moonlight Sparkle, and I hope for the same honor. My soldiers and I cannot return home, but...perhaps you have some use for us?”