The Charger roared down Howe Road toward the Park Plaza Mall, followed closely by Twilight's motorcycle. I held Zar 'Roc tightly. I wanted to bury the blade in Lord Maliss' back, but I would have to wait... and judging from the expressions on my comrades' faces, I would have to get in line. Even Fluttershy, normally timid and non-confrontational, from what I had observed, was thirsting for his blood.
"He threatened your family?" She said in shock. "THAT BIG... DUMB... MEANIE!!!!!"
We were halfway there when we saw the flashing lights of a police car. "Aw, come on!" I shouted.
Matt pulled over as the officer exited the car and walked up to the window.
"Borchers! What are you doing out so late, with these foxy bikers?" Crap. It was Jason Burdick.
"Oh, just doing a little midnight drive." Matt replied.
"Uh huh. Got yourself a harem going here, huh?"
The ladies glared at him. From what I could tell, they were hoping his head would explode if they thought about it hard enough.
"You know your taillight is out, right?" Jason asked.
"No, it's not." Matt replied. I knew he was tempting fate. I was proven right when I heard a crack and a tinkle of glass. "Yes, it is."
"Did you pull me over to harass me or did you actually have a good reason?"
"Yeah, you were going 65 in a 50 zone. I need you to step out of the car, please."
"Look, I really don't have time for-"
"Step out of the car, now."
Matt did as he was told. He was rewarded by Jason smacking him with his nightstick. "You'll listen to me next time, won't you?"
I stepped out of the car, Zar 'Roc in hand. "Leave him alone, Jason."
"Quinn! I should have known that with Borchers around, you would be involved. Drop the weapon and put your hands in the air."
"Jason-"
Jason raised his nightstick. "Don't make me ask twice."
As I was about to drop it, the ladies stepped out of the car, and Twilight and Rarity got off the bike.
"You all better get back in your vehicles, right now." Jason ordered, more than a little uneasy. "This is between me, Borchers and Quinn."
"When you threatened our friends, it became our business." Twilight said.
"Shut up, bitch." Jason said feebly as we advanced on him.
"Always with the names, this ruffian." Rarity said in mock disappointment.
"You're a disgrace to the uniform, Jason." I added.
Jason started swinging his nightstick wildly, only to suddenly halt mid-swing. A purple aura had surrounded his nightstick, rendering it immobile. A blue aura surrounded him and lifted him off the ground, twirling him like a chef would twirl a ball of dough into pizza crust.
"Put... me... down..." Jason shouted.
"Sure." Rarity said. "What do we do with him?"
"Oh, I have an idea." Matt said. "Hold him, guys..."
"You will swing for this, Borchers! I SHIT YOU NOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!!!"
We had handcuffed Jason, clad only in his underwear, around a utility pole. I retrieved his keys from his pants pocket and took his equipment belt just in case. Fluttershy, Pinkie and Dash stayed with Matt, Rarity and Applejack joined me in our newly acquired squad car, and Twilight followed alone.
The ordeal left us with only fifteen minutes to reach the mall.
"Please let us make it in time." I pleaded.
We arrived at the Park Plaza Mall with five minutes to spare. We all exited our vehicles and distributed weapons: Dash got the bat, Twilight the axe, Rarity Zar 'Roc, Applejack her lasso, and I grabbed the shotgun from the squad car. I then handed Matt Jason's pistol and the clips from the belt, then grabbed shells from the squad car's glove box. I then snapped the belt on.
"Everyone ready?" I asked.
Twilight took a couple practice swings with the axe. "Ready."
Rarity swung around Zar 'Roc, getting a feel for the sword. "Ready."
Dash took a few practice swings with the bat. She was a natural. "Ready."
Applejack tried out her lasso, reeling in a trash barrel. "Ready."
Matt checked the clip in his pistol, then slapped the magazine back in. "Ready."
I turned to Pinkie and Fluttershy. "Do you guys need a weapon, too?"
"I don't like fighting, usually." Fluttershy said. "However, I am a black belt in hoof-kwan-do." Everyone looked at her in shock. "I may not like violence, but a girl has to learn to defend herself. I also brought these." She held up the bag containing the Elements of Harmony, slipped it on, then smiled. She could turn the world on with it.
"OK..." I said. "Pinkie, are you good?"
Pinkie pulled a brightly colored bazooka from, seemingly, out of nowhere. "Oh, I never leave home without my party cannon! Party Cannon Mark II in this case. WOO-HOO!"
"In case we don't make it... thank you all for this." I said.
"Well, team." Twilight said. "Let's go!" A purple aura appeared around the lock on the automatic doors. The tumbler turned and the doors slid open, allowing us access to the food court.
The Park Plaza Mall had been around ever since I was born. The mayor of Carney had approved the project as a way of increasing revenue, especially from tourists who came to our "big little town." I knew the layout by heart: Matt and I both had our first jobs here: I worked as a cashier at the GameStop when I graduated from high school, and he cashiered at the Radio Shack next door, and often had lunch together. Good times were had.
The place was pitch black, so the two unicorns took the lead, creating a small circle of light with their magic. Twilight took up the lead, axe at the ready, followed by Rarity, myself, Applejack, Fluttershy, Matt, Dash, and Pinkie, covering the rear with her party cannon.
"It's quiet..." Pinkie started. The rest of us shushed her. In movies, after someone says that, that's usually when shit gets real, and it did right after we cleared the Mrs. Field Cookies place, marking where the food court ends and the North Court of the mall begins.
"Welcome to the Park Plaza Mall!" A familiar, booming, gravelly, British-accented voice stated over the PA system. "Tonight, we're not only slashing prices, but the customers as well!"
"Where are you, Maliss?!" I shouted. "Where's my family?"
"Oh... they're here. Since you arrived before the hour's up, they're still alive. I am a minotaur of my word, and going back on it won't do my reputation any favors."
"Where are they, Maliss?" Twilight asked.
"Why, they're all around you!" Maliss boomed as the lights snapped on. The automated systems that helped run the mall snapped on as well: the escalators, the fountains, everything. "I've split them up and put them in five of the stores. You can either search for them without my help, or you can save yourselves the trouble and hand over the talisman, that way they're released unharmed and you won't have to go to all that bother..."
"Eat horse apples, Maliss!" Applejack shouted.
"If that's the way you want it..." The PA stopped and the mall music selection started, kicking off with "The Gonk."
Twilight found one of the map displays showing where the customer was and started to lay out our strategy. "Ok, guys. There's eight of us, so we split in four teams of two and cover the mall that way. On the bottom level; Jimmy and Rarity will cover the North Court. Matt and Rainbow, cover the Center and South Courts. On the second level; Applejack and Fluttershy will cover the North Court. Pinkie and I will cover the Center and South Courts. We don't regroup until we find everyone. Got it?"
"Got it." We replied in unison.
"Okay, guys. Spread out." Matt and Dash headed down to the Center Court to begin their search, while Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack and Fluttershy headed up the escalator to the second level, and then split from there.
"Don't worry, darling." Rarity said. "We'll find them. What struck me was... didn't you say they were on vacation?"
"Maliss wields magic. He probably teleported them here or something after our last scuffle."
Rarity put a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure they're OK."
"I hope so." I said. I got an idea.
"Are you afraid?" I asked.
"Yes" Rarity replied.
"Lord Maliss is the lord of fear, right?"
"Yes."
"And he feeds off of our fear and grows stronger, right?"
"Jimmy, what is the point of this?"
"I saw this movie when I was younger, 'Dune,' and it had this... chant... that a race called the Bene Gesserit did to fight fear and keep their cool. I'll teach it to you if you want me to."
"How will something from a sci-fi movie hep me?"
"You'd be surprised."
She thought about it. "OK. Let it roll."
"Alright. Repeat after me. I must not fear."
"I must not fear."
"Fear is the mind-killer."
"Fear is the mind-killer."
"Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration."
"Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration."
"I will face my fear."
"I will face my fear."
"I will permit it to pass over me and through me."
"I will permit it to pass over me and through me."
"And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path."
"And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path."
"Where the fear has gone there will be nothing."
"Where the fear has gone there will be nothing."
"Only I will remain."
"Only I will remain."
"Put it all together."
Rarity managed it successfully, twice.
"Good. Very good." I said.
"I actually feel less afraid saying that." She replied.
"That's the point."
"So, where do we go first?"
"Let's start with The Finish Line."
Rarity held Zar 'Roc at the ready. "Ready when you are."
The Finish Line was a clothing store geared toward sports apparel. There were shelves of shoes on display, racks of sport clothes, and a few mannequins modelling the latest in sport fashion. I spied a display of shoelaces, took a pair of brown ones, and stuffed them in my pocket.
"What are you doing?" Rarity asked. "This is a horrible time to shop!"
"I have an idea, in case push comes to shove." I replied.
We heard something move. I turned around, leveling the shotgun as I did. Rarity had Zar 'Roc raised and ready to strike. It was just a mannequin modelling Nike clothes. However...
"Am I getting paranoid?" I asked. "I swear that mannequin was posed differently."
"I think you're getting paranoid." Rarity answered. We then heard more movement. We turned to see another mannequin posed differently.
"Paranoid, huh?" I asked. There was another sound of movement, and my fears were confirmed.
The mannequins in the shop had come to life. It didn't matter if they were full bodied or just torsos to model shirts, they were walking towards us, zombie-like, arms outstretched.
"Living mannequins?" I asked.
"Not hallucinating." Rarity replied.
"Creepy as hell?"
"Oh, yes."
"Retreat?"
"Go!"
Rarity and I ran for the exit, but the security gate dropped down in front of us. There was sadistic laughter coming over the PA.
"Did you think I'd make it easy? I'm the lord of fear, after all."
Rarity and I turned. The mannequins were slowly closing in. I racked a round into the shotgun while Rarity got Zar 'Roc ready.
"One... two... three!" We said in unison. I fired off a round at the nearest full-body, blowing it's head off. It continued to advance. Rarity had sliced a full-body in half with Zar 'Roc, but the halves came after us as separate entities. Thankfully, the torsos were easier to manage: kicking them away did the trick.
"'Employees Only.' Stock room?" Rarity asked.
"Most likely," I replied, blasting a full-body in half.
Rarity took my hand. "Save your bullets and come on!" We ran for our lives past deadly mannequins towards the stockroom. Rarity tried to open the door. "It's locked!"
"Let me try." I said. I quickly examined the door. "It's stuck, not locked." I looked through my wallet and pulled out an old, depleted Blockbuster gift card. I then set to work on jimmying the door latch. It was really stuck, and would require time to open. Time we didn't have. Then, I heard...
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer..."
Rarity was reciting the Bene Gesserit chant! Even better, it was working! The mannequins were just upon us when they started to fall over, immobile. Rarity and I quickly ran in and shut the door behind us, and, just in case, I held the door closed until Rarity could turn the lock shut. Our surroundings were blessedly silent.
As it turned out, the Finish Line and the neighboring Uniform Advantage shared a stockroom, presumably to save money. We managed to get out through the employee door into the Uniform Advantage, and left through there. Up yours, Maliss.
Rarity and I left Uniform Advantage and reentered the North Court. At least, I thought it was the North Court. It just changed into-
Oh God. Please. Not that.
I saw that ATM. The bad neighborhood. Jen.. Christ, no...
I was standing there as I saw myself walking up to the ATM with Jen.
"Get away!" I shouted. "Get her away!" Like Scrooge on his Christmas journey, they couldn't see me or hear me.
"Excuse me..."
Oh, Christ, no. It was him. The thief.
"Don't tell him the time!" I shouted "Run! Get out of there!"
"You have till the count of five..."
"No..."
"Darling!" I heard a heavenly voice say. "What's wrong?"
The gun fired.
"NOOOO!!!!!"
Christ, no. I saw her die again.
The environment faded away, back to the Park Plaza Mall.
"Darling!" Rarity was shouting. "Are you okay?"
I sobbed into her shoulder. "The bastard. He did it."
"What?"
"He did it. He showed me it. The whole thing. And I couldn't do anything."
"Oh, Celestia." She said, as she set Zar 'Roc down. I set down my gun, and I hugged her tightly.
"He's going to pay." I vowed. "He takes my family, then he forces me to see it again..."
I was broken out of my rage when I heard a child crying.
"Cristian?" I shouted.
"Help me!" I heard in reply. Worry replaced rage.
"Don't worry, little guy! Uncle Jimmy's on the way!"
"Sounds like he's over there."
"Kohl's? Let's go!"
Rarity and I ran for the department store. Much like Finish Line, the store had mannequins all around, but thankfully they remained still, at least for the time being.
"Cristian!" I shouted. "CJ! Say something."
"I'm over here!" Cristian shouted, from what appeared to be the ladies' fitting rooms.
"Uncle Jimmy's coming!" I ran over and saw Cristian standing in front of an open fitting room.
"I'm here, little guy!" I said.
A decayed arm grabbed Cristian and dragged him into the room.
"CJ!" I shouted. "LET GO OF MY NEPHEW, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
I ran over to the door. I found it locked, but my shoulder took care of it. It's very easy to break down the cheap doors made for fitting rooms.
Cristian was struggling to get free from what looked like a zombie in a woman's business suit.
I finally got to unleash my inner Bruce Campbell. "Yo, she-bitch!"
The zombie looked up. With her relaxed attention, Cristian was able to break free and ran into Rarity's waiting arms.
"I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!!!" The zombie shouted. "I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL!!! I'LL SWALLOW-"
I jammed the shotgun barrel in her face. "Swallow this."
BOOM. Now she's just a zombie without a head.
I ran over to Rarity and Cristian, who was shaking like a leaf.
"Are you OK?" I asked. Cristian glomped onto me.
"Who's the nice lady?" He asked me.
"That's Rarity." I answered.
"Is she your friend?"
"Yes. Yes she is."
"Is she your GIRLfriend?"
Rarity started giggling. "Out of the mouths of babes." I said. I set Cristian down.
"Okay, you take Miss Rarity's hand in one hand, and mine in your other, okay?"
"Okay." Cristian did so, and we led him out of the store. I took one last look at the mannequins. They hadn't moved an inch. While Rarity wasn't looking, I swiped a large earring of a swirl housed in a circle.
As we led Cristian out of Kohl's, we saw the other groups returning, and to my joy, each of them a member of my family.
"Mom! Dad! Audrey!" I ran over, and the group hug that ensued melted my heart. I realized something.
"Where's Gus? My brother-in-law?"
"We're going back up to look for him now." Twilight replied.
"Who are these people?" Dad asked.
"Mom, Dad, Audrey... I want you to meet a few of my friends."
As the introductions ensued, I felt something in my pocket. "Oh, little guy, I meant to give this back to you."
It was a little figure of Astro Boy from the 2009 movie. Cristian gave it to me for good luck a while ago, and I just kept forgetting to give it back. It was one of his favorite movies, and I wanted to make sure he kept it.
"What's this?" He asked.
I looked a little worried. "That's your Astro Boy figure. I've been meaning to give him back to you."
"What's Astro Boy, Uncle Jimmy?"
This little sentence raised a couple of red flags: number one, Astro Boy was one of his favorite movies, so asking what it was was decidedly odd. Number two...
"Don't you mean, guh-guh?"
"No, I mean Uncle Jimmy."
He had always called me "guh-guh" since he started to talk. Even as his vocabulary grew, and he got much better with the pronouncing of his words, he still referred to me as his "guh-guh." It was his pet name for me.
I took a step back. "You're not my nephew." The full realization hit me. "You're not my family, are you?"
Mom... Dad... Audrey... even Cristian... they started to laugh. Not just any laugh, but Lord Maliss' laugh. They swirled together into a cloud. The cloud soon shaped itself into Lord Maliss.
"That's right!" Maliss shouted, a look of triumph on his horned face.
"Where are they?" I asked, angry beyond belief.
"Oh, they're still where they were on their vacations. I just needed some prime fear, so if it looked like I put your family in danger, the fear from that would give me so much power... power enough to do this..."
Maliss started to grow, and grow, and grow. He was near the ceiling when he shouted "LET THE INVASION BEGIN!"
Immediately, all hell started to break loose outside: nightmare birds swooped down and started to swipe at buildings, damaging them. Giant flytraps shot up all around the street, ready to eat anything in their path. Men... no, not men... black clouds that had taken the shape of men started to walk down the street, gleaming black swords in hand.
"Today, Carney! Tomorrow, the world! Once I get my hands on the time talisman, I'm going to pay Equestria a little visit, as well. It may be easier to conquer if I take a trip back to Hearth's Warming Eve... maybe make sure the windigos win..."
All of the Equestrians looked utterly horrified.
"And I have YOU to thank, Jimmy Quinn! Your fear and concern for your family made it possible... along with a... certain incident."
Maliss launched into another long laugh. I was angry and devastated.
"Sugarcube," Applejack started, "Don't listen to him. We all may have contributed to it."
"How?" I asked.
Twilight started. "I ran into an apparition of Princess Celestia in the Old Navy up there. She said she was disappointed in me. She was angry with me for coming here. She wanted to send me back to magic kindergarten. I knew it wasn't true, because as much as I fear disappointing her, I know she's just as kind and reasonable as ever."
Pinkie continued. "I thought I saw you guys up in the Toys R' Us. You said you didn't want anything to do with such a silly pony. I started crying until I realized that my friends would never say that to me, ever, because they really love me."
Fluttershy nervously added another. "I saw that nasty Gilda in the GameStop up there. The time she spent yelling at me, calling me names... I couldn't take it. But I new it wasn't real because Rainbow Dash would have put her in her place, just like last time." I saw Dash blush at that.
Dash said "Mine was disappointing the Wonderbolts. They saw me at the Fan Fair and... I really don't want to go into it. I realized it wasn't real because, if I wasn't that awesome, why would they have invited me to the academy? And why would Spitfire make me a leader after the tornado fiasco if I truly disappointed them?"
Applejack put a hand on my shoulder. "I saw my family in that brewery collectibles place up top, and they weren't themselves either. Could even tell they weren't real the same way you did."
Rarity said. "I think you know mine. The mannequins in the Finish Line? Mannequins always creeped me out when I started making clothes. Sure, I realized they weren't going to move on their own, but they still unnerve me from time to time..."
Matt added his. "The gremlins in 'Gremlins.' They always freaked me out as a kid and they still kinda do. I ran into them in the Best Buy Mobile store. Very appropriate..."
"If sharing hour is all over and done with..." Lord Maliss began. "I want the time talisman, and I want it now!"
"What'll you do to us if we don't give it to you?" Twilight asked. "We already know what you plan to do if you get it."
"If you give it to me now, you get out alive." Maliss said. "You have 30 seconds." An hourglass appeared next to him, and the bottom started to fill with sand. "I expect an answer by then."
The group huddled.
"Rarity." I whispered. "Reach into my coat pocket and tell me what you feel, and whisper it. We don't need Maliss hearing it."
Rarity did so. "The talisman!"
"Slip it into your pocket. Make sure he can't see."
"What are you doing, Jim?" Matt asked.
"Trust me." I said. "I'm going to need cover for what I plan to do. Are you guys up to it?"
"Yeah." They all whispered.
"Fluttershy." Twilight whispered. "Do you still have the Elements?"
"Yes, Twilight." Fluttershy answered.
"Good. You'll know when to give them out."
"I hope so."
"TIME'S UP!" Lord Maliss boomed. "What is your decision?"
Twilight stepped forward. "We have reviewed your proposal. While it is tempting, we had to throw out our own counter-proposal. It says, and I quote, for you to 'put your ugly minotaur lips upon our posteriors and kiss them repeatedly.'"
Lord Maliss roared with rage. "SO BE IT!!!!"
"Guys, scatter!" Twilight said. We did so, as a bird materialized in the mall. I dove for cover inside Hot Topic, and started to put my plan in motion. I leaned my shotgun against the counter and opened the package of shoelaces I had swiped from Finish Line. I then pulled out the earring I swiped from Kohl's, and tied the shoelace to the earring. When I was done, from a distance, it would look like a reasonable dummy copy of the time talisman.
I remembered a scene from the Super Mario Bros. movie. In it, Mario had to buy time for Luigi and Daisy to retrieve a meteorite piece crucial to the plot, so he removed one of his shoelaces and tricked Koopa into thinking he had said meteorite piece in order to buy Luigi and Daisy some time. I stuffed the fake talisman into my pocket. Time for step two.
A nightmare bird flew into the shop, diving for me. The last two shells in my shotgun took care of that. I reloaded and stepped outside. I narrowly avoided another nightmare bird, but this one was slightly different... holy shit. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
Applejack had lassoed the bird and was riding it like a frigging bronco! It was quite possibly the most awesome non-movie related thing I had ever seen.
"RIDE 'EM AJ!" I shouted "GO!"
I took another look, and all of my friends were kicking serious ass.
Rarity was expertly dueling a nightmare man with Zar 'Roc. She sliced him in two when he raised his sword for a downward strike.
Fluttershy, normally timid and slow to anger, had flung a nightmare man into a fountain. She parkoured herself onto a nightmare bird and rode it, slapping Applejack a high five as they passed each other.
Dash blocked a sword blow from a nightmare man with her bat. She beat the crap out of him afterwards. With a sword in one hand and her bat in the other, she rejoined the fray.
Pinkie fired her party cannon. The combination of cake, tablecloth, balloons and confetti caused a nightmare bird to crash into a light fixture, electrocuting it.
Matt had emptied his pistol into a nightmare bird. Reloading, he saw a nightmare man heading for Dash, sword raised. He took him out with a headshot.
I ran to Twilight, who had just split a nightmare man in two with her axe.
"I'm going to distract Maliss." I said.
"You're what?" She asked, dumbfounded.
"When I get his attention off of you, get Matt somewhere safe-"
"Matt seems to be holding his own."
"He doesn't have endless bullets. When he runs dry, get him somewhere safe, and have Fluttershy get the elements ready.""
Twilight hesitated. She then said to me "Good luck."
"I'll need it." I replied. I ran down the North Court to the escalator. I took the steps two at a time until I was at the top.
"Oi! Assface!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
An angry Lord Maliss turned around. "Oi, me?"
"Yes!" I was close to crapping my pants in fear, but managed to keep cool. "I must not fear..." I thought.
I held up the dummy talisman. "Recognize this?"
He fell for it. "Give it to me!"
"You gotta catch me first!" I ran like hell for the South Court, Maliss in pursuit. As I passed a large window, I saw Carney's finest doing serious battle with the menaces outside. "Dumbass." I thought. "Concentrate. You're making this up as you go along. You can't afford to lose focus."
Maliss made a grab for me with his giant arm. I slid down the stair bannister just as his hand grabbed the empty air where I had been. I started to double back for the Center Court until Maliss set his hand down to block me. He picked me up with his other giant hand and carried me back to the North Court, his grip like a vice.
We returned to the North Court, and to my delight, the ladies had the Elements of Harmony out and ready, and Matt had taken cover behind the Sbarro counter in the food court. Maliss didn't show if he noticed this.
"BE STILL!!!!" Maliss shouted. The nightmare creatures vanished from the mall. Thankfully, Applejack and Fluttershy were near the ground when that happened.
"DARLING!" Rarity shouted when she saw me struggling in his giant fist.
"You're too late!" Maliss gloated. He pulled out another talisman, this one gold, with a planet done in the same style as the swirl on the time talisman. It looked like the necklace of a Barbie doll in his giant hand. He plucked the dummy talisman out of my hand, laughing in triumph.
"Now, I have both talismans!" He gloated.
"And we have the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight gloated back.
"And if you try anything..." Maliss began, and then began to squeeze me like a stress ball. I couldn't take it. I screamed in pain. He stopped suddenly, looking closely at... oh, crap.
"This is not the real talisman!" He bellowed, angry at being fooled. He started to squeeze again.
"Hand over the real talisman," He started, "Or you'll see the color of this boy's insides!"
I wheezed out "Don't give it to him! Blast him!"
"I know you ponies too well. You won't leave a friend to die."
"Screw him! Do it!"
"STOP!" Rarity shouted, as the pain became too unbearable. "I have it."
"Rarity! No!" I shouted. "Don't give it to him!"
"Hand it over, and I will let this pathetic human live."
"NO! DON'T!"
I fought through the pain to see Rarity. She had turned to the others. I could tell she was crying. Her friends gave her a hug and said something to her, but I couldn't make it out.
Rarity, with an incredible amount of trepidation, threw the talisman at Lord Maliss. He caught it with his free hand.
"Now, remove the Elements of Harmony and kick them over here."
The ladies reluctantly did so.
"Now, let him go." Twilight shouted.
"No... I think I'll hold onto him for just a little while longer, at least until the portal is open. We wouldn't want you trying anything."
He started to chant. "Open wide the gates of time..."
I acted, for Rarity. For my friends. For my family. I bit down on Maliss' fat finger as hard as I could. Maliss roared in pain and released his grip. I hung on for dear life from his finger and pulled myself up, balancing precariously on his hand.
"You little shit!" He shouted. He tried to swat me off, but he made a fatal mistake: the normal-sized talismans were still in his giant hand, hung on his large fingernail. I managed to swat them off, sending them flying to the ground.
"MY TALISMANS!" Now, he was really pissed. "NOW, YOU DIE!"
I ran up his arm as he tried to swat me like a bug. I looked down and saw Twilight levitate the elements back to their rightful owners. They started to take aim and charge.
I remembered what Twilight had told me about the Alicorn Amulet back at Phil's: due to a failsafe spell, only the wearer could remove it. I just hoped my plan would work. I reached Maliss' shoulder and slid down his neck to where the amulet was located, and hung on for dear life.
"GET OFF OF ME, BOY!" He shouted as he swatted at me, but I held on. Then, he did it. He hit the catch that released the amulet, and the amulet and I started to fall to the ground.
"MY POWER!!!!" Maliss' shouted as the Alicorn Amulet, shrinking to normal size, fell into Twilight's waiting hand. As for me, the tree planted in a pot underneath broke my fall... and a couple of ribs.
"Hit him, girls!" Twilight shouted, and the ladies blasted the minotaur with the Elements of Harmony. Maliss writhed in pain as his power was drained away by the power of pure, concentrated love: the power of friendship.
In a matter of seconds, Maliss was normal size. However, he still had one last trick up his sleeve.
"You may think you've won, but I still have one last source of fear. A very potent one..."
Maliss started to change shape: his hands became smaller, more human. He sprouted a suit and overcoat... oh, Christ...
"Recognize this, boy?" Maliss said.
He'd taken the form of... him...
"Oops. Almost forgot..." He snapped his fingers, and a .45 pistol appeared in his hand. He had it pointed at Rarity.
"Now, unless you want to see her die like this boy's precious Jennifer, you will return the amulet and the talismans to me. I know you can't possibly charge up the Elements in the time it would take to fire a round straight into that pretty woman's stomach. A slow, painful death... and the Elements will be rendered useless. Now, HAND OVER MY POWER!"
The ladies hesitated.
"You have until the count of... what was it, boy? Oh, yes... you have until the count of five to give me what I want... One..."
It's stuck!
No...
"Two..."
PLEASE!!!!
Not again... Never again...
"Three..."
Please don't go. Don't leave me... JEEEENNNNN!!!!
I felt fear become pure, unbridled rage. Rage at his abuse of her memory. Rage for making me live through it again. Rage for trying to repeat it with Rarity.
"GET AWAY FROM HER, MOTHERFUCKER!"
I bum rushed the bastard, knocking him off balance and knocking the gun out of his reach. I had him pinned. I was sorely pissed.
"NO! NEVER AGAIN!"
"Darling! Get out of the way!" Rarity yelled.
Punch after punch connected with Maliss' face. I wanted to punch until there was nothing left but a bloody pulp. In my rage, I didn't see the dagger materialize in Maliss' hand. He spat blood and looked at me with a smirk.
"Fine. You may have won. You may send me back to Tartarus. But your victory will not be without it's cost!"
I felt something pierce my chest. I looked down. The dagger was shoved under my ribs, the handle protruding at an odd angle. I staggered back and fell.
"DARLING!" Rarity yelled.
"HIT HIM!" Twilight yelled. After another blast, Maliss writhed in pain once more, and vanished in a bright blast of light. When he disappeared, I knew my sacrifice was not in vain.
"Jimmy? JIMMY!" It was Matt. He was the first to rush over. There were tears streaming down his face.
"Bro?" Matt said. "Why'd you do it?"
"I wasn't..." I gasped. "...going to let him do it again."
Matt started to sob. "I love you, man."
"Love you too, bro."
"Darling?" Rarity asked as she knelt beside me.
"Hi, gorgeous." I said, slightly above a whisper. "Mind pulling this out? This really hurts." I laughed at my own joke.
"Why?"
"Love is give and not take. I'm giving you my life, Rarity. I wasn't going to let the bastard do it again."
Rarity started sobbing. I looked up, and the rest were there. Twilight was trying not to break down. Pinkie's normally poofy hair had deflated as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Applejack had removed her Stetson, holding it over her heart with a solemn look on her face. Fluttershy was crying into Applejack's shoulder. I couldn't see Dash. I looked around as best as I could, and saw her hugging Matt while he cried into her shoulder. I felt my life ebbing away.
"Goodbye, my friends..."
I woke up in a barren desert of whiteness. Utah? Was I in Utah? No, I couldn't possibly be there. Why would I-
It hit me. I'm dead. Holy shit. I'm dead.
I looked around for something, anything.
"Hello?" I shouted. "Is there anyone here?"
"Hi, handsome."
I froze. The voice... it couldn't be.
"Jen?"
"Hello, Jimmy."
It was her! Her adorable face. Her soothing voice. Her attractive body, enough to make you wonder why a schlub like me wound up with her...
I took another look. She was dressed all in white.
"Haven't seen you in a while."
I embraced her, for the first time in what seemed to be an eternity.
"Is this heaven?" I asked.
"Yep."
"You shouldn't be here."
"Excuse me?"
"Not like that. You should still be alive... and you would be if I did something."
"Jimmy, listen to me. You couldn't have done anything."
"That's what Rarity told-" I put a hand over my mouth.
"Rarity? Who's she?"
I broke down and told her. "I love her, Jennifer. And it feels so wrong."
"Why?"
"Because, I still love you."
"Jimmy, just in case you didn't notice, I'm dead."
"And now, so am I. Now I feel worse than I did before."
"You don't need to. You see, I was sent by a certain... higher up..."
"God?"
"You could say that. We had a look at the books. You're not due to arrive today."
"That bastard stabbed me! I'm dead! And don't you go saying I'm just 'mostly dead.'"
"You're not listed for today. Therefore, you're not here permanently."
"But Jen... I really want to stay with you."
"I know, handsome. I know how it ended hurts, but I want to tell you something. Are you listening?"
"Yes."
"You gave me some of the best times of my life, and I'll always be thankful for them. I'll always love you, and I know, in your heart, you will always love me. I took that bullet for you because I saw no other way. Rarity is right. If the roles were reversed, nothing would change. You'd be giving this talk to me."
She paused. "By the way, I saw you two dance. She's quite graceful. Maybe she could teach you a thing or two. That reminds me: just because we used to dance like that, it doesn't mean that if you do it with someone else, it would disrespect my memory. I want to see you happy. I want to see you move on and enjoy your life. You can't if you're still holding on to the past. From what I've seen, Rarity has done a good job pushing you towards moving on. Hell, for the longest time after I died, you refused to consider dating. I don't want to see that. Like I said, I want to see you happy. If there's one thing you take away from all of this, take this: please move on."
I started to weep. "I know you're right, Jen. You always were."
"Not always. Do you remember whose bright idea it was to shift into reverse while in drive and accelerating?"
I chuckled. "Oh, God, how could I forget? Thank god for the Taco Bell napkins in the glove box."
Jen laughed. "See? I wasn't always perfect."
"I know, Jen, but it still hurts."
"It always will. You never forget your first love."
"I don't know if I'm ever going to get another chance to say this, so... I love you, Jen. I always will."
Jen and I kissed... for the first time in two years... and the last time.
I heard a piano tinkling. It sounded familiar...
And then the voice of Debbie Gibson started up, singing about getting lost in one's eyes.
"Do you remember that song?" Jen asked.
"Yes." I said. "I always will. We danced to it at the winter formal our senior year."
"When I finally told you I loved you."
"Yes."
She paused.
"One last dance?"
I took her hand. "One last dance."
The white faded from my eyes. I was on the floor of the Park Plaza Mall. There were police, firemen, EMTs... the works.. and a portal...
"It worked!" I heard Twilight shout. "It worked!"
"Anyone get the license plate of the truck that hit me?" I asked, half-serious.
My friends piled on me in a group hug.
"What happened?" I asked. "I was dead."
"Perhaps I can answer that."
I looked up. A very regal looking pony, with a long, flowing rainbow mane was the source of the last statement.
"Hello, Mr. Quinn." She said. "My name is Princess Celestia."
Two more ponies, one completely blue, the other dressed in colors the Queen of Hearts would appreciate, stepped forward.
"This is my sister, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadence."
"How do you do?" I asked. I looked around and saw the Equestrians bowing. I decided to follow suit.
"You are here because of me, my sister, and Cadence. My star pupil and her friends implored me to bring you back. The only way I could do it was with help from Luna, Cadence, Twilight, and Rarity. It takes a lot of magic to pull something like this off."
I looked at Rarity. Despite looking like death warmed over, she ran up and hugged me, spinning me around in the process.
"It seems that Rarity here is quite fond of you, Mr. Quinn." Celestia said. "You must be quite special to inspire that in such a short time."
"No, madam." I said. "I'm just an average guy. And, it's just Jimmy."
"OK." Celestia continued. "But I find it hard to believe that an 'average guy' such as yourself could pull off such an act of love, one that weakened Lord Maliss enough for the Elements to send him back..."
I replied. "I would like to think that anyone could be capable of that, madam. I'm not special. I'm not extraordinary. I'm average."
That reminded me. "What will happen to Lord Maliss?"
"Well..." Luna said. "He will be getting a bit of poetic justice once we get back to Equestria. He will be getting a dose of his own power. I think that the hallucination of everyone he's ever wronged getting their revenge will deter him from trying again."
"But what about the talismans... the amulet?"
"All have been returned to Equestria. We're thinking of starting an archive for dangerous magical items. The Alicorn Amulet will be the first to go in. As for the talismans, we may still have use for them."
Celestia smiled at Luna. "Twilight Sparkle, I would like to see you. We need to talk about this world."
Twilight, also looking like death warmed over, followed Celestia. "Welcome back, Jimmy." She said, as she hugged me.
Matt and Dash came up to me. "We thought we lost you."
"We?" I asked. I noticed Matt holding Dash's hand. "Ahh..."
"You're my bro, man." Matt said. "I don't think either of us wants to think about what would happen if we lost each other."
I gave Matt a hug. "Well, Dash, what do you think of the human world?"
Dash smiled. "Well, I think Matt and I would like to explore it together, if you get my drift. He makes this world... say, 20% cooler?"
My friends walked off. Pinkie and Applejack came running up.
"I'm SOOO glad you're okay, Jimmy!" Pinkie gave one of her trademark vice-like hugs. Not a good idea for someone who recently died. Man, never thought I'd be saying that...
"I'm... touched..." I could feel life slipping away again...
"Sugarcube, loosen up!" Applejack said. "You're choking him!"
Pinkie got a sheepish grin on her face. "Sorry."
"It's OK, Pinkie." I replied. "I'm glad you're glad."
"Maybe tomorrow, we could throw a "Welcome Back" party!"
"We'll see, Pinkie." As she bounded off, Applejack started to talk.
"You showed a lot of heart. No matter what you say, you're special to all of us."
"Thanks, AJ." She hugged me.
Fluttershy walked up. "I'm glad-
"-I'm OK." I finished. "I've gotten that too many times for one day. I'm tired, I'm hungry as hell..."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"No, Fluttershy, there's nothing to be sorry about."
"It's nice to see everyone getting along with the princesses."
I looked over at the Equestrian royalty. The policemen and firefighters were on a break, talking to Celestia, Luna and Cadence as if they were... friends?
I did a double take. Yep. No dissection. No isolation. Nothing whatsoever to suggest that they would be subjected to the inhuman experiments seen in every E.T. knockoff. The police and firefighters just saw three walking, talking, magical ponies as sapient beings, and were treating them accordingly.
"I always thought that my species would... well..." How do I put something like this to someone like Fluttershy?
"Oh! You thought they'd have all sorts of icky experiments done on them?"
"Yeah." I confessed.
"I don't see them doing that." She replied. "A wise pony once told me that when there's life, there's hope. I see both over there."
She walked over to join the conversation.
I took my friends, the Equestrian royalty included, to Phil's for a late night dinner. Phil gave the princesses their meal on the house, as befitting royalty. Celestia only allowed it when I told her that it would offend Phil to refuse. She would allow my friends to stay with me one last night, and then it was back to Equestria in the morning. We went back home feeling a little devastated, but it was unavoidable. They couldn't stay here forever. Rarity and I just wanted to sleep, but I saw... wait...
The van! My brother-in-law's SUV. They were home.
"How would you like to meet the parents?" I asked.
"No time like the present." Rarity replied.
"How about all of you? Twilight? AJ? Dash? Fluttershy? Pinkie? Matt, you don't count 'cause you already know my parents..."
After a laugh, they all agreed. I opened the door and allowed the ladies to enter first.
"Mom! Dad! I'm home. I've got some folks I'd like you to meet..."