//------------------------------// // You was right. Pony #3: Twilight Sparkle // Story: Deadpool in Equestria // by MrAquino //------------------------------// Deadpool ran into Fluttershy's closet, finding a broom and dust pan to collect all the broken glass. Whoah!!! Hold it there, What the hell are you doing? "Who's there!?!?!?" Deadpool asked "Are you a ghost!?" You really have forgotten us, have you? "Hold up. Are you both-" We Are!!! We Are!!! "Whoah! Where the f**k have you both been?" I tried to come and help you, but SOMEONE had to use the toilet. What!? You have to admit, those Tacos were AWESOME!!! "You had Tacos!?" "Yeah! "YOU B*****D!!!" "Is there something wrong?" Fluttershy asked "Uh... no. Just...finding the broom." "Oh. Well, it's in the closet right behind some other supplies. It shouldn't bee too hard." "Thanks." Ooh! Who was that? Tell me; Does she has huge knockers!?!?!? "NO!!! It's Fluttershy." Fluttershy? As in One of the Mane 6 From My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic? "That's her!" ...WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED!?!?!? ...WHAT THE F**K HAPPENED!?!?!? "Easy guys, remember Lyra Heartstrings from the show?" I think I remember. Her voice always changed, right? That's Bon Bon you idiot. Lyra is the unicorn that the Brony Fanbase made jokes of that she wanted to be a human really bad, or at least, have hands. Oh! Her!!! What about her? "I was summoned by her. Next thing I noticed, I took a selfie with her, ran away before I became her sex slave, hid here where I met Fluttershy, and took a selfie with her. Now, I'm helping clean her house." Yeah right, we may be voices you made in your dome to help you cooperate with the fact that you're losing sanity and need someone to talk to, but even I can tell that your tale, for the most part, is B.S.!!! "Damit." Deadpool heard a knocking at the door. The clopping sounds of FLuttershy's hooves hit the floor as she walked to answer it. He grabbed the broom and dust pan, but also a bucket, a sombrero, and a black maker. He quickly doodled an awful looking face of a pony with a huge bandit mustache on the bucket, put the bucket on his head, followed by the sombrero. He ran out of the closet, falling over from the lack of sight, causing him to land on a bit of the glass, but he got up & began to sweep the place. What are you doing? "I'm disguising myself as a house cleaner. I'm sure that they have Mexicans that'll work below minimum wage." ... now that... is just racist. Like Michael Bay!!! "Shush! Act natural." Fluttershy opened the door to her house; a very familiar purple alicorn stood on her door step. "Oh! Hello Twilight." Fluttershy greeted in a pleasant surprised tone "Hey Fluttershy," Twilight responded "listen, I was studying some old novels in my castle, when one of the locals, a unicorn named 'Lyra Heartstrings', came to me and begged me to help her find one of her fantasy creatures called 'humans'." "Oh! But, didn't you turned into a human to retrieve your crown and to help the alternate dimension of us?" "I did, but humans in Equestria!? Preposterous!!! Say, who's that in there?" Fluttershy looked behind her and saw Deadpool wearing a bucket that had an upside down drawing of a pony's face that had a bandito mustache and wearing a sombrero on the said bucket. "Oh, him? That's dead-" "No it's not," Deadpool interrupted, impersonating a Mexican "my name is Juan Gonzales." "...What a strange pony." Twilight commented, walking inside Fluttershy's home. "And look at the mess here!!!" "Si, I'm cleaning up the mess I accidentally made." "And how did you make this mess? It looks like something crashed through here." "Um... Twilight," Fluttershy meekly asked "what did this human look like?" "Lyra made a list of things to look out for," Twilight responded. "First off, it's a male, as Juan here, stands on two legs, like Juan, wears red, like Juan, has hands, like Juan, and has an ugly belt buckle with his ugly face-" "WHAT CHOO SAY!?!?!?" Deadpool yelled, removing the bucket & sombrero off his head and throwing it on the ground. "Ah HA!!! I found you!!!" Well you blew that one. "Deadpool," Fluttershy said "why did you try to hide? Are you shy like me?" "Hell no!!!" Deadpool replied back in his normal voice "I just didn't want to be found by that mint unicorn!!!" "You mean Lyra?" Twilight asked "♫B***H, you guessed it!!! Hwah, you was right.♫" "... He sure reminds me of Pinkie." "That's the first thing I said." Fluttershy added "Alright, Mr... Deadpool? Look, I'm not going to take you back to Lyra." "Really?" Deadpool asked "She told me she was going to keep you as a pet. Look, I see you're no different than anypony... okay, A LOT different than anypony, but you have a mind and are really special. Just come with me to my castle. I'll make sure your safe." We're gonna be in Twilight's house now? Castle. Castle? Remember the Season 4 Finale? Her house and Ponyville's library was destroyed by- "Tirek!!!" Deadpool yelled out of nowhere "TIREK!?!?!?" Twilight yelled, jumping in the air a bit "WHERE!?!?!?" Nothing happened after a few seconds. She turned around to Deadpool & marched towards him. She grabbed him by some loose clothing at his chest area. "Listen buster-" she began to monologue WE'RE DEAD!!! We can't die, remember? THEN WE'RE IN A WOLRD OF PAIN!!! We laugh at pain as a defense mechanism from all the s**t life throws at us. Well I'm Totally afraid of her!!! I'm not. WHAT!?!?!? If you weren't paying attention to your music, then you'd know that Twilight is actually my favorite character. So adorable, shares my passion of knowledge & self control, and is- NERDS!!! We prefer the term 'Egg heads'. And I think she's down talking to us. "Do I make myself clear?" Twilight finished her monologue. Deadpool raised his right hand and pushed Twilight's muzzle back. "Boop!" Deadpool simply replied. "I'll take that as a yes." "RAG DOLL PHYSICS ACTIVATE!!!" Deadpool went limp, not moving at all. "Are you... alright?" "Yes." "AUGH!!!" "Don't worry, just drag me to your castle. I'm not heavy." "...okay... this is weird. Care to help, Fluttershy?" Fluttershy walked next to the limp deadpool and, with her mouth, carried one of his hands while Twilight, also using her mouth, carried one of his feet. They were both surprised at how light he was. "Oh my," Fluttershy's muffled voice said "We're not hurting you, are we?" "Don't worry about it," Deadpool said "Rapid healing, remember?" "He has Rapid healing!?!?!?" Twilight's muffled voice asked "I'll explain later." Twilight and Fluttershy dragged the limp human, walking through town. Some of the locals stared at the two, but Deadpool surprisingly stayed silent, giving the illusion that he was merely a prop for something. It took them a while, but they made it to Twilight's castle. "NORMAL MODE ACTIVATE!!!" Deadpool yelled. In a poof, he was standing upright, but his hand & foot being ripped in the process. Some blood started to come out of the ripped areas "Oh... should've asked you to let go of me." You think? The mares screamed a bit, spitting out the popped off hand & foot out of their mouths. "Just give me a sec." Deadpool said. He lazily put on his cut off foot as if it were a shoe and he put on his hand. The flesh connected together, a fully healed. "Ah! Just like Megablocks." It's Legos!!! LEGOS!!! "How did you-" Twilight stuttered "Rapid healing AND connecting all chopped pieces together as if I'm an action Figure. I'm pretty sure your slave Spike may know. Where is he?" "He's not my slave!!! And he's helping me get new books for this Castle's library." "Ah!!! Need to fulfill your book fetish like Rainbow Dash." "Alright, tell me, how do you know us!?!?!?" "Easy: I'm gonna need two tacos for that information" Deadpool pulled out a chair & sat on it "Tacos!?!?!?" "They're delicious!!!" Twilight grunted to herself & left. Fluttershy sat on her haunches, humming a tune to herself Hell Ya!!! Now we're talking!!! She'll want us to talk anyways. Listen, be honest: tell them they're just a cartoon in our world and- LOOK OUT!!! CUTENESS!!! Fluttershy stood up and Walked to Deadpool's legs, rubbing her head on it like a cat. Deadpool stiffened. His eyes watched her, as she kept rubbing herself and seemed to be purring like a cat. The unthinkable happened: Fluttershy climbed on his lap and curled up in a ball. His hand reached out to one of her ears sticking up. Don't do it man!!! Don't!!! For your pride!!! Yeah right. Don't lie, you LOVE Fluttershy!!! No... I... Don't!!! Sure... Deadpool's hand touched the Pegasus' ear. He then proceeded to scratch it. Fluttershy's pupils went large, then shrunk back into place. Her eyes began to shut, as she began to purr. Twilight came in and saw what he was doing, brining a tray with two tacos on it. "Uh... Deadpool?" Twilight asked, chuckling to herself. Deadpool Screamed like a woman. Fluttershy yelled and Screamed with him!!! He jumped in the air, causing Fluttershy to hit the floor on her back! "What do you mean!?!?!?" Deadpool muttered out "I wasn't scratching behind my favorite pony's ear!!! Especially knowing that this land is a cartoon world in my world!!!" The two stared at him blankly. "...okay. I guess that's an answer on where you came from." She took it rather pretty well. Perhaps all those Cross over Fan-Fics really did happen!!! Highly unlikeable. "So what you're saying is that you are from a different world where my friends & ALL of Equestria are part of a cartoon program?" Twilight asked "♫...B***h, you guessed it!!! You was motherf*****g right!!!♫" Deadpool replied "Can you stop with that weird language!?!?!? It's really uncomfortable." I agree: you need to cut all the swearing. You swear too!!! Not as much as mother f***ers. "...Alright then," Deadpool said "I'll try to cut down all the swearing. Pinkie Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye" Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. "Well," Twilight began "I see you already know the Pinkie Promise." "I believe he may know more about us than we think." Fluttershy added. "ALMOST FORGOT!!!" Deadpool yelled. He ran and slid across the floor, landing next to Twilight's left side. He put his right arm across from her & pulled out his cellphone with the other. "What are you doing!?!?!?" Twilight demanded, trying to Push Deadpool away. "Don't worry Twilight," Fluttershy said "It something his species call 'Selfies'." "It is!!!" Deadpool yelled "Say Cheese!!!" "uh... cheese?" Twilight awkwardly asked, making a nervous smile. A simple flash came from the phone. Deadpool got up and walked around the castle, sending his new picture to his friends on Facebook. "Now, who will I take a selfie with next?"