//------------------------------// // It's an Ant! It's a Lion! It's Sup- no, Wait, it's Not Him Either. // Story: Maud Pie Becomes an Alicorn Princess // by Smoker //------------------------------// Neighpon, the head island of the Goatian island chain, was not a very well-known island. Despite measuring over 10,000 square miles in surface area, the island received very few tourists. However, there was one attraction which attracted scientists from across the globe. The island was host to the largest land volcano on all of planet Equus: Mount Filimanjaro. The volcano was so large, it was technically classified as a mountain. There was no mistake, though, that it was a volcano, and an active one at that. Erupting at least once a year, the mountain covered over 4000 square miles – almost half of the island. It was so tall, that despite the Caldera’s immense heat, the upper slopes of the mountain were coated in snow. Adding to the island’s unique traits was the fact that it was actually host to a small desert: the Neighponese Desert, one of the hottest deserts on the planet. It was a scientific impossibility, for there to be a desert on such a relatively small volcanic island, but nevertheless, there it was. To Twilight’s surprise, there certainly was something going on at the island. Despite her best efforts, she could not teleport directly to the volcano; indeed, she couldn’t even magically scan inside of it. The closest she could teleport was to the far edge of the island, and then go on hoof from there. Which is exactly what she decided to do. XXXXXXXX “Thank you! Goodbye!” Twilight called over her shoulder at the goats of Neighpon, who were waving goodbye to Twilight and her companion. “Yes. Thank you for your hospitality.” Maud stated, barely looking over her shoulder. Twilight tsked. “Maud, don’t be rude. They housed us for the past two days while we made preparations; the least you could do would be to look at them when you say goodbye.” Reluctantly, Maud looked over her shoulder. “Goodbye.” She stated blandly, before looking forward again. “Good enough.” Twilight sighed, as the two began the long trek to the massive volcano looming in the distance. For a few minutes, they walked in silence, the ashen-gray sand of the Neighponese desert crunching under their hooves. “Remind me again why the other princesses couldn’t come with us on this mission.” Maud asked. “Celestia said that they had some important princess business which required their attention.” Twilight answered. “Who knows? It may be more important than our quest!” XXXXXXXX “BWAHAHAHA!” The princesses laughed at the comedy which was playing on the nearby magivision screen. “Maud’s new comedy is a riot!” Cadence said to the other two princesses. “Yeah, she can make anything she says funny.” Luna continued, chuckling. “Rocks.” Came the bland voice of the Maud Pie reenactor on the screen. Celestia spewed out popcorn as she burst into hysterical laughter. “Say, shouldn’t we help those other two with that… thing they were doing?” Cadence asked idly to Luna. “Meh, maybe after season 4.” Luna replied, holding up a stack of TrotFlix DVDs. XXXXXXXX “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s important.” Maud stated, looking ahead. “So, did you remember to pack the supplies?” “Yeah, I have some-“ Twilight said as she levitated open the flap of her saddlebag. “SURPRISE!” “Cheese and bagels!” Twilight screamed in surprise, as Pinkie sprang out of her saddlebag, along with confetti and streamers. “Were you surprised by my surprise?” Pinkie asked happily. “Pinkie, how – who –“ Twilight stuttered, glancing into her disproportionately small saddlebag. “Why – what-“ “Well, because you guys were too bland and serious, Twily!” Pinkie squeaked happily. “This group needed some wacky comic relief!” “Don’t call me Twily.” Twilight grumbled. “Yeah, I’m just going to send you back now.” Her horn fizzled to life, and Pinkie began to glow with Twilight’s magic, but just as quickly the magic field disappeared. “Heehee! That tickled!” Pinkie giggled. “You can’t teleport here, remember. It’s why we’re walking in the first place.” Maud commented idly. Twilight sighed. “All right, Pinkie, I guess you can come. Just… try not to be TOO Pinkie, okay?” “But how can I not be Pinkie? I mean, I AM Pinkie! If I wasn’t Pinkie, then I couldn’t be Pinkie, and that would mean that I couldn’t not be Pinkie and-“ “Stop!” Twilight said, ears pressed back against her head. “just… just stop talking. Please.” XXXXXXXX As the clock passed high noon, Twilight, Maud and Pinkie were still walking through the desert quietly. Of course, quietly did not necessarily mean peacefully. Pinkie had taken Twilight’s command to stop talking quite literally; she hadn’t said a word since. Of course, this meant that she had to express her boundless enthusiasm in… other ways. There was a zipping noise and a swirl of dust as Pinkie zoomed up to a cactus. Then she cartwheeled over to a rock. Then she zig-zagged to a small lizard, bending down to watch it slowly crawling across the sand. The lizard was not amused. Twilight exhaled heavily, wiping the sweat off of her brow as she looked up at the mountain. Despite them walking for hours, it didn’t seem any closer. “I really wish we could teleport.” She mumbled. She glanced over at Maud. The alicorn was walking so steadily and emotionlessly, she may as well have been a machine, mechanically tromping along through the sandy dunes. Abruptly, Maud thrust her hoof out in front of Twilight. “Stop.” She stated quietly, somewhat redundantly. “Why, what’s wrong?” Twilight asked, looking at Maud. The grey hoof raised to cover her mouth. Maud looked at her. “Be quiet. Follow me.” She stated. Slowly, Maud made a right turn, and began to trot slowly across the sand. Confused, Twilight followed her. “What’s going on, Maud?” Twilight asked. “We need to walk around the Antlion’s lair.” Maud said, her tone not changing in the slightest. Twilight took pause. “Antlion? Lair?” she asked. “Distoleon tetragrammicus engorgeous: The Greater Antlion.” Maud stated, as though quoting from a book, continuing to walk. “It’s an insect, measuring up to forty feet long, which feeds on large mammals – goats, ponies, deer… even manticores if it can get its jaws on one.” “B-but where is it? I don’t see it!” Twilight asked, worriedly but quietly, looking around. All she could see was the flat, sandy landscape, along with Pinkie, who was making a sand castle. Maud continued her whispered biology lesson. “The antlion’s preferred method of hunting: digging a cavern a couple feet below the ground, and when something passes over, it lunges up, snatching the prey in its massive jaws. Prefers to perform this in regions with soft malleable soil… such as sand.” Twilight gulped. “So… it’s underground? But how did you even know it was there? How do you even know what it is?” “I felt the vibrations of the grinding sand underneath my hooves change; it began to shift slightly in one direction – the direction of the Antlion’s secret pit. As for how I knew it… well, it’s been the bane of quite a few geologists who do their work in the desert.” Maud stopped abruptly, and Twilight bumped into her purple tail. Straightening, Twilight looked around. “We’re here. We’re across the pit.” Maud stated. Twilight turned to see that their hooves had actually been going in a gradual semicircle across the land. “So… that’s it? We just walked around the pit?” Twilight asked. “But… isn’t it going to chase us or something?” “That’s not the way the antlion works.” Maud told her. “It tends to stay in its den for weeks, even months at a time, patiently waiting for prey to eventually stumble along.” “Wait, where’s Pinkie?” Twilight asked, looking around nervously. “Oh no! did we leave her-“ “I’m here!” Pinkie squeaked, her pink face appearing upside-down in Twilight’s field of vision. Twilight yelped and reared back, Pinkie tumbling off of her back and onto the ground. “Hee hee!” Pinkie giggled, having apparently finally broken her vow of silence. “What were you guys doing?” “Avoiding an antlion, apparently.” Twilight said, looking at Maud. As the three began to continue their trek towards the mountain, she continued: “I don’t mean to jinx it girls, but that was almost… anticlimactic. I expected… something, at least.” “Like I said, the Greater Antlion tends to stay in one place for months.” Maud told Twilight. “It can survive on a single decent meal for nearly half a year. It never leaves its trap unless it’s truly starving.” “Well, I’m just glad-“ Twilight stated, but was cut off. One moment, Pinkie was standing in her field of vision, on the other side of Maud; the next, she was gone. At the same time, there was a loud THOOM from behind Twilight. The two whipped around to see the immediate landscape completely changed. Now there was an enormous pit before them, which they rushed back to the edge of. At the bottom of the sandy pit, a truly fearsome sight awaited. “Twilight! Maud! HELP ME!” Pinkie shrieked, her limbs flailing. Her midsection was clamped by a pair of enormous mandibles. These mandibles were connected to a huge, ugly insect head, which emerged from the sand of the bottom of the pit. The head thrashed about, Pinkie flopping around like a rag doll. Pinkie screamed helplessly. “Pinkie! Hang on-“ Twilight said, but then Maud was gone too. “Maud, no!” Twilight cried as the second alicorn tore down the side of the huge pit, almost faster than Twilight’s eyes could register. Maud leaped into the air, and hurtled forward. Wordlessly, she raised her fist and then slammed it forward, right into the Antlion’s chin. Time slowed for Twilight, it was almost like a picture. The chitin on the Antlion cracked and broke like cardboard under a sledgehammer as Maud’s hoof pounded into it. There was a chittering screech, and the mandibles loosened. Pinkie squirmed out of them as quickly as possible, and scampered off. Twilight expected Maud to back off, but if anything, the mare punched even harder, whaling away on the monster. The chitin cracked more and more, until it eventually gave way, revealing the raw, pulsing skin underneath. Maud didn’t stop there, though. Twilight winced as Maud smashed her hoof into the creature’s exposed underbelly. Looking away, she quickly leapt and glided through the air over to Pinkie. “Are you okay?” Twilight questioned her friend. “I’m fine… just a couple bruisies…” Pinkie mumbled, rubbing her sides. Then she gasped. “Is Maud okay?” she asked worriedly. “She’s fine, she was just-“ Twilight paused. She heard the rhythmic “crunch, crunch, crunch” of Maud pounding on the Antlion turn into more of a “splunch, splunch, splunch.” She turned back to the pit, and beheld a more fearful sight than any monster. Maud was completely demolishing the monster. Her frock was coated in the green ichor spewing from what was left of the antlion, as was her fur. Still she continued to pound, even though the antlion had long since stopped moving. That was nothing, though, Twilight could handle that. What truly scared her and made her shiver was the lack of expression on Maud’s face. Twilight would have expected murderous rage, a mad smile, even a grim grin of satisfaction. But Maud looked the same as she always did: emotionless. Even as she punched the Antlion with the force of meteors, slime splattering onto her, her face remained impassive. Something about it scared Twilight to the core. “Maud! MAUD!” Pinkie cried, rushing down and trying to pry her sister off of the pulverized corpse. Only at the sound of Pinkie’s voice did Maud’s vicious assault slow, and eventually stop. Gently, Pinkie led her sister up and out of the pit, back to Twilight. “Here Maud, let me… let me get you cleaned up.” Twilight said quietly, looking at the green gobs of goo still dripping from Maud. Her horn lit up, and the blood of the beast quickly began to vanish into purple sparkles, which rode away with the desert winds. “Maud… why didn’t you stop?” Twilight questioned quietly. Maud was silent for a moment, as the last bits of insect gore were cleaned from her frock. “It hurt Pinkie.” She eventually said simply. With that, Maud began to walk around the side of the pit once more, following the tracks leading around it. With a frightened glance at Pinkie, Twilight followed. XXXXXXXX “Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are…” Pinkie repeated for the thousandth time as she laid on her back, staring up at the stars high above them. Night had fallen on the desert. The three mares sat around a small campfire. Twilight stared into the flames, ruminating on the earlier attack. She looked over to Maud, who was petting Boulder idly. For the first time, she didn’t just see Pinkie’s sister; she saw an alicorn capable of beating anything in her path, quite possibly including Twilight herself. “What’s wrong, Twilight.” Maud asked abruptly, causing Twilight to jump. Twilight looked away. “Nothing.” She said quietly. There was a pause, before Maud’s monotone voice came again: “What would you do if Spike was kidnapped, Twilight?” “Come again?” Twilight questioned, looking at Maud. “What would you do if Spike was kidnapped?” Maud repeated herself. “I’d…” Twilight paused, imagining the scenario. “I’d tear the planet apart looking for him – and I’d make sure that whoever took him…” she trailed off again. “Oh.” “Pinkie’s as much my family as Spike is to you, Twilight.” Maud went on, still petting Boulder. “I would fight just as hard as you to keep her, and I’d crush anything that stood in my way.” Twilight sighed. “I guess I get what you’re saying.” She said quietly. The fire crackled and flickered as the mares stared into its depths.