//------------------------------//
// O Captain! My Captain! 
// Story: Mortal Kombat: Equestria 
// by Green Akers 
//------------------------------//

	As Shing Tsung performed his victory dance, the far doors of the entryway unlocked and opened, and Fran walked into the room. "Oh dear," she said, "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Shing rushed over to Fran. "Check it out, Fran! I won!" He pointed to Rainbow's prone form. "She came at me like 'I'm gonna kill you,' and I was all like 'Don't make me laugh,' and then I went pow! And she was like 'Noooo!', and then I won!"

"Right, because that's exactly how it happened," Jax muttered.

"That's great, Shing!" Fran offered. "I guess that explains where that box came from."

"Box? Who got a box?"

"You did! It's downstairs right now." Fran walked past Shing and began to pick up Rainbow's body. "Help me take Miss Dash down to the body chamber, and I'll show you!"

"Er, maybe I should do that, ma'am," Shining Armor offered. "Rainbow's a bit heavier than she looks."

"Would you? Oh, that would be awesome!" Fran said.

"I dunno," Shing said. "I mean, Kahn doesn't like good guys wandering around his castle."

"Oh, he won't care," Fran insisted. "Nothing helps his mood more than conquering a realm like Earth!"

Fran led Shing, Shining Armor, and everyone else in the entryway down two flights of stairs to a large room filled with gurneys. Each gurney served as the final resting place for a fallen warrior, and while the specific identities of the bodies were obscured by the white sheets placed on top of them, it wasn't hard to pick out the five ponies and one small dragon in the crowd.

Shining Armor's stomach turned a little as he spied one of the sheet-covered ponies. "Where would you like me to put Rainbow?" he asked.

"Could you put her on that open gurney over in the corner? Thanks!" Fran lifted a large cardboard box off of a nearby table. "Here it is, Shing! It looks like it's from Equestria!"

"Equestria?" Shing scratched his head. "Who would send me a package from there? I don't have any friends in Equestria. I mean, I don't have any friends anywhere else, but—"

"Maybe it's from a secret admirer!" Fran sniffed the box. "Oh, it's perfumed! Open it, open it!"

Shing ripped the tape off of the top of the box and opened it. He eyes lit up as he peered inside. "Sweet mother of Sindel!" he exclaimed as he reached into the box and pulled out a pair of necklaces. "Check out this sweet bling!"

Shining Armor's eyes widened as he realized the necklaces were two of the Elements of Harmony, but he bit his tongue and remained silent.

"There's a note inside!" Fran pointed out. She reached into the box and drew out a piece of paper. "Dear Shing," she began reading.

"Hey!" Shing snatched the paper from Fran. "I mean, it's not polite to read a note from someone's secret admirer!" He stared at the note silently for a minute or so, as the rest of the room watched with bated breath. His face fell. "This isn't from a secret admirer," he said, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. "It's from that princess horse Chrysalis kept talking about."

You mean Princess Celestia?" Fran asked.

"Yeah," Shing replied. "She's just thanking me for talking care of her subjects' souls, and wanted to send me something as a token of her appreciation."

"That was awfully nice of her!" Fran offered. "Those are some awfully nice bracelets."

"True," Shing said. He clasped the two Elements in his hand onto his arm, then reached into the box, grabbed the three remaining necklaces, and put them on his opposite arm. "What do you think?" he asked the others. "I mean, they would go better with the clothes that rainbow pony ruined, but they don't look bad."

Shining Armor's team exchanged bemused glances amongst themselves. "I dunno, dude," Kung Lao said. "I'm not sure that's quite your look."

"Oh, that's probably because he's not wearing the whole set." Fran reached into the box, pulled out Twilight's crown, and held it out towards Shing. "Try this on and see what you think."

Shing eyed the crown suspiciously. "That looks like something Princess Peach would wear. Besides, I'd rather rock my plaid fedora."

"Aw, I think it would look good!" Fran insisted. "Besides, aren't you curious to see how you would look as a prince?"

Shing weighed the idea in his mind for a few moments. "Well...I guess I could try it. I mean, I was going to ask if I could rule the Bahamas after Kahn took over Earth."

"That's the spirit!" Fran pushed Shing over to where a mirror hung on the wall. "Ponies and gentlemen, I give you...Prince Shing of Paradise!" she said as she placed the crown on Shing's head.

As soon as the crown touched Shing's scalp, a bolt of energy shot through him, and he started quivering uncontrollably. "W-W-What's going on?" he asked. "What's h-h-happening to me?"

Fran stepped backward with a look of surprise on her face, and then scurried behind one of the nearby gurneys. "Take cover!" she shouted.

As Shining Armor and his team did as they were told, Shing began shaking more violently, and a bright ball of light appeared on his chest. "T-T-The souls!" he shouted, as his eyes began flashing every color of the rainbow. "T-They're...exploding or something! I mean, I can't hold them!"

Beams of bright light began emanating from the light ball, and the ball suddenly exploded with a loud bang, flinging Shing hard against the far wall of the room. Fragments of the light were hurled in all directions, bouncing off the walls and each other as if they were billiard balls on a three-dimensional table. After a few seconds, however, the fragments slowed down and began weaving haphazard trails around the room. "Are those...the souls?" Shining Armor asked.

Nightwolf nodded. "Once the shock of their release wears off, they will seek out their bodies and rejoin the ranks of the living."

As everyone looked on, the souls indeed began to congregate around the gurneys, and gradually the souls began to thin out as they found their bodies. Soon the air was filled with pained groans and salty language as the fallen fighters tossed aside their covers and sat up from their gurneys. "Twilight!" Shining called out as he rushed over to where his sister sat. "Are you alright?"

"Ugh..." Twilight blinked a few times and held up a hoof to shade her eyes. "S... Shining? Is that you? D-did you lose your—"

"Nope!" Shining Armor pointed at where a thoroughly-fried Shing lay on the ground. "Once you were all reunited, the Elements of Harmony reacted with Shing's magic and set everypony free! You're all alive!"

"Well, everyone except Scorpion, at least," Kung Lao clarified.

"Wheeeee!" On cue, Scorpion half-walked, half-danced his way into the middle of the room. "Check it out, girls!" he squealed as he did a pirouette. "I'm a human!"

Everyone else in the room exchanged confused glances. "UH, SCORPION?" Cyrax asked. "ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?"

"No, I am not!" Pinkie Pie bellowed as she stepped out from the crowd, her hair now straight and volume-less. She pointed a hoof at Scorpion. "This insolent pony has stolen my body, and I demand that she return it!"

"Aw, don't be such a grouchy grouchpants!" Scorpion said. "I'm just borrowing it for a while!" He walked up to a nearby table and picked up a rusty bone cutter that was sitting on it. He admired the bone cutter for a moment, then set it back down, waited a few seconds, and then snatched it back up again. She repeated this sequence a few times, giggling louder with each iteration. "Hands are really neato!" he declared. "In fact, I'm so happy, I could sing a song!"

"No! No more songs!" Johnny Cage rushed over and covered Scorpion's mouth with his hand. "You've been singing ever since you showed up! I would rather listen to Celine Dion on helium than hear any more songs out of you!"

"Enough blabber!" Pinkie rushed over and raised a hoof to strike Scorpion, but Scorpion laughed and pulled away at the last moment, and Pinkie ended up hitting Cage in the face instead. "Get your face out of my way!" Pinkie thundered.

"That's it!" Cage shouted. "I'm tired, I'm hungry, I haven't showered in ages, and I've been stuck in purgatory with a trio of hooved hairdressers!" He pointed at the pink bow glued into his hair. "Somebody's going to pay for all this, and it might as well be you!" Cage lunged at Pinkie, and the two began rolling around on the floor flinging punches, kicks, and curses. Others quickly joined in to settle their own scores, and the room devolved into a martial arts moshpit.

Rainbow Dash made a move to join the party, but Shining Armor used his magic to pull her away from the scrum. "Hey! What gives?" Rainbow demanded. "I wanna get my licks in too!"

"You have bigger fish to fry." Nightwolf pointed to the doorway and the stairs beyond it. "I do not seen your young friends here, so they are probably still in Kahn's clutches."

"We can take care of business down here," Shining Armor said. "Head up to Kahn's throne room, and kick his flank for the rest of us!"

Rainbow saluted. "Yes, sir!" With that, she raced out of the room and disappeared up the stairs in a rainbow blur.



Back in his throne room, Shao Kahn passed the time by watching old sitcom reruns on his tablet, occasionally stopping to take notes on what he would do upon conquering Earthrealm. "Decree #973," he said as he wrote, "require that Charlie Sheen return to Two and a Half Men. Decree #974: Ban the cultivation of spinach, under penalty of death." He stared at the ceiling for a moment. "Perhaps I should add brussels sprouts to that as well..."

He glanced over at a clock on the wall. "Hmm...it's been a good twenty-five minutes since I heard the band play. Perhaps that fool changeling was able to defeat Miss Dash after all." He looked down at the cage he was using as a footrest, which contained the bodies of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "So much for your so-called savior," he chuckled.

"Huh?" Suddenly, Sweetie Belle's ears perked up, and she slowly lifted her head and stared groggily at Kahn. "What did you say?"

Kahn's eyes widened, and he grabbed the cage and held it close to his face. "What sorcery is this?" he demanded, as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo began to stir as well. "What are you three doing here alive?"

"Ugh!" Sweetie Belle gagged and covered her nose. "Haven't you ever heard of breath mints?"

"Yeah, you must brush your teeth even less often than Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo added.

"Enough!" Kahn ripped the door off of the cage, then reached inside and hauled Apple Bloom out by the neck. "How did you escape the soul prison?" he asked the filly.

"You ain't got to yell when I'm right here!" Apple Bloom said. "Besides, I don't know how we got here! We were workin' on gettin' our beautician cutie marks, and tryin' to figure out what mascara went with that Cage feller's eyes, and—"

Kahn tossed Apple Bloom to the ground, then turned the cage upside down and shook Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo out of it. Once completed, he stomped angrily towards the nearest window and flung the cage out into a pool of lava below. "This is impossible!" he fumed. "Even when the sorcerer died, the souls were not released until after the tournament! Don't tell me that fool Shing's magic was not strong enough to—" He stopped as he realized what must have happened. "So the pony triumphed after all, did she?" he grumbled.

In response, the door to the throne room burst open, and Rainbow dashed inside. "Rainbow!" Scootaloo squealed. "I knew you'd save us!"

"That's right!" Rainbow struck a confident pose and began staring down Shao Kahn. "Chrysalis and that soul-stealing doofus of yours didn't slow me down at all," she proclaimed. "There's nopony left between you and me, dorkface. You've got nowhere to run and nowhere to hide."

"So I see. Well, I suppose there is nothing left to do but make lemons out of lemonade." Kahn turned and walked over to the far corner of the room, where a golf bag full of metal hammers was hanging on the wall. He stared at the bag for a moment, then pulled one of the shinier hammers out of it. "I wasn't looking for an excuse to break in my new nine iron," he said as he brandished the hammer, "but I seems I have one anyway."

"Then let's get this over with," Rainbow said with a scowl.

"Now now, Miss Dash," Kahn said, "I simply cannot allow your emotions to get in the way of our sacred protocol! After all, I'm trying to run a respectable tournament here." He pointed at the fillies. "Would you three care to announce the combatants?"

"Sure!" Apple Bloom agreed. "Why, I'll bet we could get our announcin' cutie marks if we do this right! ...But how do we do it?"

"You gotta do it with style!" Scootaloo said. She pointed a hoof at Rainbow. "Introducing the fastest, coolest, most awesomest pony in Equestria—no, the world—no, wait the whole entire universe, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that just about covers it."

"Ooh, let me try!" Sweetie Belle said. "And over here, the meanest, nastiest, most-not-nice bad guy in the whole entire universe..." She paused, her eyes widening as she realized she had forgotten something. "Um...what was your name again, sir?" she asked apologetically.

Kahn shook his head. "Never send a filly to do a man's job." He held his hammer high in the air and struck a defiant pose. "I am Shao Kahn! Konqueror of worlds!" he shouted. He pointed his hammer at Rainbow Dash. "You will taste no victory!"

"That's the best line you've got? Seriously?" Now it was Rainbow's turn to shake her head. "That's just sad, bro."

"All right! We've introduced the fighters!" Apple Bloom looked at her flank, but there was still no mark. "Darn," she muttered. "I thought that sounded pretty good."

Kahn sighed. "You're supposed to ask us if we're ready, and then start the battle," he instructed the fillies. "Do you think you three pea brains can handle that?"

"Of course!" Apple Bloom said. "So, uh...are you ready?"

Kahn rolled his eyes. "Yes."

"Me too!" Rainbow added.

"Okay, girls!" Apple Bloom nodded to the other Crusaders. "On the count of three! One! Two! Three!"

"GO!" "BEGIN!" "START FIGHTING!" The three fillies each shouted a different word, then looked back at their still-blank flanks and sighed.

"I never thought I'd find a creature stupider than Shing, let along three of them," Kahn muttered.

"It's time to edumacate you about how a real pony fights!" Rainbow Dash starting darting around Shao Kahn like a hummingbird. "Lesson one: Speed kills!"

Kahn, however, had no trouble keeping up with Rainbow Dash's erratic movements, and easily parried her hooves away whenever she tried to attack. "Unfortunately for you," he taunted, "when it comes to all things Kombat, I not only wrote the book, it's already in its fifteenth edition!" He used his hammer to poke-check Rainbow Dash in the gut, sending her sailing backwards. "It's time to show you how the real MC Hammer dances!"

Kahn rushed towards Rainbow, spinning his hammer around like a baton as he charged. Rainbow managed to dodge most of the blows, but Kahn's final swing caught her underneath the chin, sending her bouncing off the ceiling and crashing to the floor. "Victory shall be mine!" Kahn shouted as he raised his hammer over his head.

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow glared up at Kahn. "Well, I hope you can enjoy the victory with only five freaking toes!" She raised a front hoof and slammed it down on Kahn's right foot.

"YEOW!" Kahn's eyes bugged out of his head, and he nearly dropped his hammer.

Rainbow took the opportunity to get back into the air and swoop around behind Kahn. "I don't know about you," she laughed, "but my mom always told me you couldn't stop what you couldn't see!" She plucked Kahn's helmet off of his head, spun it around, and slammed it back down on Kahn.

"Argh!" Kahn reached up to right his helmet. "Curse you, Rainbow Dash!" he thundered.

"All right, Rainbow!" Scootaloo cheered. "Show that baddie what for!"

Rainbow decided to give Kahn a taste of his own medicine, and dashed over to his golf bag of hammers. She pinched the handle of one hammer between her hooves and gave it a mighty pull, but the hammer didn't budge. "What the—are these stupid things bolted down or something?" she sputtered.

A large green fireball flew across the room and smashed into the wall just above Rainbow, sending her scrambling for cover behind the golf bag. "Those hammers are only for children ages 3 and above," Kahn revealed as he finished straightening his helmet. "I'm afraid they're above your intellectual capacity."

Rainbow Dash blew a raspberry at Kahn as he approached. "You can't hit me here!" she taunted from behind the hammers. "You'll hurt your precious toys!"

Kahn shook his head, lowered his shoulder, and suddenly shot forward like a rocket, leaving a shadowy trail of silhouettes behind him as he moved. He slammed his shoulder hard into the bag, crushing the hammers—and Rainbow—flat against the wall. "Actually, I signed a lifetime endorsement deal with Big Nasty War Hammers Incorporated a good century ago," he laughed as a paper-thin Rainbow slid slowly down the wall. "They provide all my hammers for free!"

As Rainbow dripped onto the floor, Kahn reached down and grabbed her. "Good grief, madam, have you ever heard of soap and water?" he chided Rainbow as he carried her over to a window. "I think a good, long lava bath would do wonders for your complexion!"

Kahn raised Rainbow high over his head and flung her out the window towards the lava pool below, then brought a hand to his ear and listened to Rainbow as her screams faded away. "Rainbow! No!" Scootaloo screamed.

"Perhaps that will teach that rotten pegasus just who is the best—" Kahn stopped as the 'p' word registered in his brain, and he slammed his palm against his face. "Did I really just try to throw a winged creature to her doom?" he grumbled as he rushed back to the window.

Just as Kahn leaned out the window to look for Rainbow, the blue pegasus swooped back into the room through an adjacent window. Before Kahn could react, Rainbow promptly flew over to Kahn, reared back with a hind hoof, and booted him square in the rump, sending him tumbling through the window. "See you next fall!" she said with a smile.

"You did it!" Scootaloo shouted, as she and the other Crusaders hurried over to Rainbow. "You saved the world!"

Rainbow brushed her hooves to knock off some imaginary dust, and gave the fillies a smug smile. "All in a day's work for the greatest flyer in Equestria!" she proclaimed confidently. "Now then, before we go, I want to sit on Kahn's throne and see how soft it—whoa!" She flinched as a spear made of green light shot past her, missing her head by inches and sticking into the ceiling. "Uh...girls? You might wanna step back..."

Within seconds, Shao Kahn had used the spear to pull himself back up the wall and into his throne room. "Congratulations, Miss Dash," he growled. "It seems you have succeeded in exacerbating my hypertension!"

Rainbow stared blankly back at Kahn. "Uh, egg-sas-per-ay-ting what, now?"

"Never mind!" Kahn reared back and hurled his hammer at Rainbow's head.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and ducked her head, avoiding the attack. "You're going to have to try harder than that to—" She was cut off by the hammer as it smacked her in the back of the head as it returned to Kahn.

Kahn's smile returned again as Rainbow fell to the floor. "It seems all those training sessions in Australia paid off after all." He walked over to Rainbow as the pegasus slowly got back to her hooves. "Tell me, Rainbow, is it stuffy in here, or is it just me? I think it's time for a little change of scenery."

Kahn crouched down, then unleashed a massive uppercut that struck Rainbow Dash under the chin and sent her crashing into the ceiling so hard that she broke right through it. "RAINBOW!" the Crusaders shouted.

Kahn held the uppercut pose for a few seconds, then gave the Crusaders a disappointed look. "You're supposed to say 'Toasty!'" he said.

"Why?" Apple Bloom asked. "I think it's kinda cold in here."

"I could go for some toast right now," Sweetie Belle said.

"Me too, as long as Sweetie isn't making it," Scootaloo added.

Kahn shook his head. "I'm going up to finish the battle. Feel free to throw yourselves into the lava while I'm gone."

Kahn headed for the door, but much to his chagrin, the Crusaders were right behind him. "Come on, girls!" Scootaloo said. "Rainbow might need our help!"



Rainbow Dash, for her part, found herself laying face-down on the roof of Kahn's castle. "What...just...happened?" she wondered.

A sharp pain in her flank quickly brought her to her senses. "Ow!" she shouted as she bounced up from the ground. Turning around, she found that she was being poked in the cutie mark with a halberd held by one of Kahn's generic ninjas. "What's your problem?" she demanded.

The ninja ignored her and turned around to face a group of other ninjas behind him. "Yep, she's still with us," he announced.

"I could've told you that, genius," one of the other ninjas said. "That move never knocks anyone out."

Rainbow flew up another twenty feet and scanned the rooftop. "Where's Kahn?"

"He'll be up in a second," a third ninja replied, pointing to a set of doors on the other side of the roof. "Sometimes the elevator takes a while to get up here."

Right on cue, the elevator doors opened, and Kahn rushed out onto the roof, gasping for breath. "Good grief!" he gagged as he fell to his knees.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders casually strolled out of the elevator behind Kahn. "Gosh, Mr. Kahn, are you okay?" Sweetie Belle asked.

Kahn scowled, and wheeled around to face the fillies. "All right, which one of you farted in there?"

"What are you talking about?" Scootaloo replied. "Apple Bloom always smells like that."

"Hey!" Apple Bloom objected.

"Grrr..." Kahn turned back to Rainbow Dash and pointed his hammer at her. "I grow tired of dealing with you infernal ponies!" he growled. "Let us finish this!"

"Agreed!" Rainbow called down. "Personally, though, I approve of the venue change." She began circling the castle, building up speed for a high-powered attack. "I can always use more space!"

"Then allow me to challenge that statement." Kahn raised his fist and shot a green energy spear straight up into the sky. The spear didn't even come close to hitting Rainbow, but instead ripped open a large dark cloud that hovered over the entire castle, unleashing a huge downpour.

Rainbow looked up at the cloud and shrugged. "Who do you think I am, Rarity? I'm not afraid of a little rain!"

"I'm not finished yet." Kahn fired several more spears into the cloud, causing it to start dropping bolts of lightning across the countryside.

This development got Rainbow's attention, as she was forced to take evasive action to avoid getting shocked. "Hey! Whoa! Watch it!" she screamed, shaking a hoof at the cloud. "Ponies are trying to fly around here!"

Kahn laughed at Rainbow's antics, and fired up a few more spears to energize the cloud further. "I'm afraid you'll have to join us here on the ground, Miss Dash," he said, pointing to several large lightning rods mounted on the castle walls. "Otherwise, you'll soon be fit to be fried."

Rainbow muttered something under her breath, and swooped down to the castle roof.

"I knew you'd see things my way eventually," Kahn said with a grin. "Now then, Rainbow...en garde!" He charged at Rainbow, swinging his hammer to and fro like a master swordsman.

Lacking a weapon herself, Rainbow ran over and snatched the halberd from Kahn's ninja. "Bring it on!" she shouted, gripping the weapon in her teeth.

The two fighters engaged in an intricate dance of advancing, swinging, and parrying, surrounded by cheering spectators and crashes of lightning. The duel stretched for five minutes, then ten, and then fifteen, and while neither side showed any signs of fatigue, neither one seemed to be able to break through the other's defenses.

"This is impossible!" Scootaloo lamented as the battle raged on. "Rainbow can't even get close to that jerk! How can somepony so big move so fast?"

"This can't be happening!" one of Kahn's ninjas said. "Kahn's been beating on that pony forever, and her jaw isn't even tired! How can someone that small be that strong?"

Finally, at the twenty-two minute mark of the epic clash, something gave out: With one final mighty swing, Kahn snapped the halberd in half on contact, sending the tip sailing off the roof and down into a lava pit below. The swing still missed Rainbow, however, and the unresisted follow-through left Kahn badly out of position. Before he could recover, Rainbow Dash reached up and smashed Kahn across the face with what was left of the halberd's handle, sending the Outworld emperor sailing backwards. He flew about twenty feet through the air, then skidded across the roof shingles for another fifteen feet before coming to rest at the hooves of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Rainbow spit out the halberd handle, shook the rain out of her mane, and stared down Kahn as he rose back onto one knee. "Had enough?" she asked pointedly.

Kahn paused for a moment, then stood up and wiped his mouth with his hand, which left a streak of blood on his gauntlet. He stared at the blood for a few seconds, and a smile began growing on his face. He giggled, then laughed, and finally unleashed a happy roar as he was backlit by a bolt of lightning. "Miss Rainbow Dash!" he shouted. "It is truly a pity that things must end this way. Your fighting spirit is truly beyond reproach, and perhaps in another place and time, we could have fought side by side as allies. Unfortunately, it seems that fate—"

"Are you done yet?" Rainbow interrupted. "My hooves are getting pruny!"

"Very well." Kahn turned his back to Rainbow and walked past the Crusaders to the edge of the roof. "Did I ever tell you about the first time Shang Tsung and Quan Chi decided to assassinate me and take over the world themselves?" he asked. "It's a fascinating tale, really..."

"Not interested!" Rainbow Dash started walking towards Kahn. "Now either surrender, or prepare to eat a hoof sandwich!"

"Fine. I'll give you the Cliff Notes version." Kahn turned back to face Rainbow. "You see, their stupid little plan actually succeeded, and they left me fully, completely, 100% dead on the floor of my throne room."

"How is that possible?" Scootaloo asked. "You're still here!"

Sweetie Belle's eyes popped open, and she dived behind Apple Bloom. "Y-y-you're not a g-g-ghost, are you?"

"Of course not, my dear!" Kahn laughed. "My life was spared, thanks to the miracle of science!"

"So you were brought back to life?" Apple Bloom said.

Kahn smiled. "No, actually, I—"

"Enough talk!" Rainbow declared. "It's time to take you down once and for all."

Kahn's smile grew even bigger. "Go ahead. You see, the best thing about being me...is that there's so many of me."

Rainbow suddenly realized that Kahn seemed to be looking past her, and she turned to find fifty identical clones of Kahn standing behind her. "This...could be a problem," she admitted with a grimace.

Kahn laughed again. "Get 'er, boys!" he commanded.

"Yikes!" Rainbow leaped into the air just before three clones leaped on top of her. "This cannot be legal!" she shouted at Kahn.

"Why not?" Kahn chuckled as Rainbow dodged thirty spears thrown in her direction. "The rules only say the fight has to be between you and me. They don't mention any limits on how many of me you have to fight!"

Rainbow was now trapped between a rock and a hard place, evading spears and hammers from below while also dodging lightning bolts from above. It was a delicate balance that even the greatest flyer in Equestria could not maintain, and eventually a stray hammer clipped her on the wing and sent her spiraling toward the ground. As soon as she hit the roof, she was promptly dog-piled on by thirty of Kahn's clones, and grew faint as she felt the life getting squeezed out of her. "Resistance is futile," the Kahn nearest to her ear whispered. "The rainbow ends here, and I shall finally have my pot of gold."

"NOOOO!" In a fit of rage, Scootaloo charged at the real Kahn. "Why, I'll...I'll...I'll fix your wagon, you...you cheater!"

Kahn yawned and casually swatted Scootaloo away with his hammer. "It's not wise to step to the soon-to-be supreme ruler of the universe," he cautioned. "In fact, now that the tournament is over, I have no further use for fool fillies like you...not alive, at least." He walked over to where Scootaloo lay on the ground with her eyes spinning in their sockets. "Prepare to join your 'hero' in the afterlife."

Kahn raised his hammer to squash Scootaloo into a pony pancake, but the weapon was yanked from his hand by a magical force before he could strike. "Hold it right there, Kahn!" Twilight called from across the roof.

Kahn sighed. "It figures. If Shing's soul purgatory couldn't hold these dimwits, it certainly wouldn't hold Miss Einstein Pony." He turned and faced Twilight, finding that she was flanked by five other perturbed ponies, a displeased dragon, an enraged Elder God, and a modicum of mad mercenaries. "Why, Twilight!" Kahn greeted the unicorn. "How nice of you and your friends to attend my coronation."

"Where's Rainbow?" Twilight demanded.

"S-She's over there!" Sweetie Belle pointed a hoof at the pile of Kahns. "They're crushing her!"

"You fiend, Kahn!" Raiden raged. "Having your clones do your dirty work for you!"

"What are you complaining about?" Kahn asked. "The only difference between you and me is that I send in clones while you send in clowns!" He looked down at his wrist, even though he wasn't wearing a watch. "I say, you chaps have impeccable timing! I'd give Speedy McFasterThanYou over there, oh, only about thirty more seconds before she gives up the ghost and makes me the emperor of Earthrealm."

"Land sakes!" Applejack gasped. "We gotta do something!"

"But what?" Twilight asked. "The rules say we can't interfere!" She looked up at Raiden for guidance, but Raiden could only shake his head.

"Then...this is it?" Rarity gulped. "No more Equestria? No more world?"

"No!" Liu Kang declared forcefully.

"No, this is not it, or no, there is no more world?" Pinkie asked.

Liu Kang ignored Pinkie's question, and kneeled down next to Twilight. "Listen to me," he whispered. "Long, long ago, when I was a young man training to—"

"We don't have time!" Twilight whispered back. "Skip the story and get to the punch line!"

Liu Kang nodded. "The Shaolin monks have a saying for times for this."

"Which is?"

"When overmatched in battle..." Liu Kang winked. "Cheat."

"Cheat!?" Twilight's eyes popped wide open. "We can't cheat! ...Can we?"

"It's either that, or watch your friend get flattened," Liu Kang replied. "I heard that Rainbow did quite well against Taven once she found an extra source of power. Perhaps she could 'find' such a thing again."

"But what could she—" The answer struck Twilight like a Shao Kahn hammer to the temple. "B.B.B.F.F., get me the Element of Loyalty right now!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Shining Armor reached into his saddlebag and tossed the necklace over to Twilight.

Twilight focused all of her magic on the elemental necklace, nearly dropping Kahn's hammer on his foot in the process. "All right, girls," she ordered, "assume the formation!"

The remaining four elements stepped up beside Twilight as a rainbow-colored ribbon of light emerged from her crown and quickly wound its way around the Elements and their bearers. "Let our powers combine!" Twilight demanded. She summoned all the power she could muster, then stepped forward and held her head up as high as she could. "Magic!" she shouted.

Applejack repeated Twilight's actions. "Honesty!"

"Generosity!"

"Kindness!"

"Heart! ...I mean, uh, Laughter!"

A bright yellow glow traveled up the ribbon from each Element bearer to Rainbow's necklace, causing it to glow so bright that it was almost blinding. "Here goes nothing!" Twilight shouted as she used to magic to fling the glowing necklace towards the pile of Kahns.

"Huh?" Kahn was caught flatfooted as the Element neatly slid its way through the clones and into the pile. "Hey, you can't do that!" he objected. "You're not supposed to break the rules! You're the good guys!"

After a few seconds of awkward silence, the Kahn pile suddenly exploded in a ball of light, flinging clones in every direction and sending non-clones diving for cover. As the smoke cleared, only a single figure remained where the pile had stood: A glowing gold pegasus with bright, iris-less eyes and a mane cut very similar to Rainbow Dash, and who wore the Element of Loyalty around her neck. "Whoa..." Scootaloo whispered. "Is that Rainbow?"

The golden pegasus leaped into the air and looked down upon the battlefield. "By your powers combined," she proclaimed, "I am Captain Harmony!"

"What?" Shao Kahn stood slack-jawed with disbelief. "What!?"

Captain Harmony dropped back to the rooftop and pointed a hoof at Kahn. "Time to put the trash in its proper place!" she declared.

"Insolent equine!" Kahn pointed back at the captain. "Clones, attack!"

The clones that had managed to stay on the roof following the explosion rose up and rushed Captain Harmony, but the good captain only smiled. "I know kung fu," she said with a smile.

As the rest of the crowd looked on, Captain Harmony unleashed an epic display of martial arts that would have even impressed Chuck Norris, thrashing the clones that dared approach without receiving so much as a scratch in return. "Whoo! Gooooo Harmony!" Pinkie cheered.

"This is impossible!" Kahn seethed as he watched Captain Harmony mow down his forces. "More! We need more!"

Hundreds of clones began pouring onto the roof from every conceivable place: The elevator, the stairs, even from over the castle walls. Nothing could turn the tide of battle this time, however, and before long a pile of fainted Kahns stood next to Captain Harmony that was three times larger than the one Rainbow had been compressed by. "I appreciate your commitment to reuse and recycling," the captain said, "but it's time to send you to the landfill of history."

"No!" Kahn turned around to pull his generic ninjas into the fray, but they had already seen the writing on the wall and had left to update their resumes. Fresh out of cannon fodder, Kahn reached for his last remaining ally (his hammer), raised it over his head, and charged at Captain Harmony. He swung his hammer with all his might and smashed the captain square in the chest, but the hammer head shattered into pieces without even displacing the captain's fur.

Captain Harmony smiled smugly at Shao Kahn. "Are you done yet?"

"Never!" Kahn thundered. "I will—"

POW! Captain Harmony silenced Kahn with one hard right hoof to the kisser, laying out the Outworld emperor colder than a block of ice. "Now you are," the captain observed.

"That's it!" Raiden waved his hands in the air. "This battle is over! The winner, and new champion of Mortal Kombat, is Captain Harmony!"

A cheer rose up from the crowd, and everypony rushed towards the new Kombat champion. "You did it, Rain—I mean, Captain Harmony!" Scootaloo gushed. "You won!"

"We did it," Captain Harmony corrected the filly. "Without all of you, none of this would have been possible. Thank you."

"I echo that sentiment as well." Everyone turned to see Princess Celestia emerging from the elevator. "You all have once again demonstrated that nothing can defeat the magic of friendship," the princess said, "especially when it is combined with a sick set of martial artist skills. You have saved the world, and most importantly of all..." Celestia grinned and held out a hoof towards Raiden.

"Really? You're going to hold me to that, even after all this?" Raiden sighed. "Fine. Have it your way." He pulled a large wad of C-notes from his pocket and placed them on top of Celestia's hoof. "I don't care. I can expense it anyway."

"And?" Celestia asked.

Raiden smacked his face with his palm, then removed his hat and placed it on Celestia's head. "There. Are you happy?"

"And?"

"Oh, come on!" Raiden dug deeper into his pockets and flipped a set of keys to Celestia.

"This is to the Jaguar, right?" Celestia asked.

"No, this is for the Bentley, and that's all you're going to get!" Raiden declared. "You don't even have hands, for crying out loud! What do you want with a car?"

"I have no idea," Celestia said with a wink, "but I'll have an enjoyable time figuring that out." She turned back to Captain Harmony. "And now, dear captain, it's time for you to go."

"Of course, Princess." Captain Harmony closed her eyes and bowed her head. Another yellow ribbon appeared as the captain's golden coat began to melt away, and her powers slowly returned to the other Elements. In fifteen seconds, all that was left of Captain Harmony was a slightly-trembling Rainbow Dash wearing a huge grin. "That. Was. Awesome!" she declared. "When we get home, we are so doing that again."

"Um, no, I think once is enough," Twilight replied.

"Our next order of business," Celestia said, "is to deal with a certain broken-down bonehead." She raised her head and fired up her magic, and a stray bolt of lightning came straight down and zapped Shao Kahn on the helmet.

"Yah!" Kahn awoke with a start, and he slowly climbed back to his feet. "Curse you, Celestia!" he screamed. "All my dreams were right there in front of me...and I would have achieved them, if it hadn't been for your meddling ponies and that dragon!"

Suddenly, Kahn felt his arms been pulled behind his back and snapped into a pair of handcuffs. "What in the name of—Fran!?" He stared in disbelief at the secretary that was restraining him. "What are you doing?"

"That's Lieutenant Fran to you, buster!" Fran folded her arms and stared down her captive. "I've been undercover in your organization since the fourth round of the tourney, and I've found a lot of interesting memos that the Elder Gods would love to talk to you about."

"Wait—you're the one responsible for that network breach yesterday?"

"Maybe." Fran smiled.

"She might also be the one who delivered that package of mine to your friend Shing," Celestia added. "I knew he wouldn't be able to resist shiny objects like the Elements of Harmony."

"Great work, Fran!" Raiden said. "When I get reinstated by the Elder Gods, I'll see to it that you get a promotion and raise for your efforts."

"Sorry, sir." Fran tapped the Elder God Investigative Bureau badge pinned on her shirt. "I'm afraid I've got a better offer." She turned back to Shao Kahn. "You'd better call that high-priced lawyer of yours, Kahn, 'cause you, me, and Queen Chrysalis are going uptown for a little chat!"

"Make me!" Kahn had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when Fran yanked him off of his feet and started dragging him by the arm over to the elevator. "You haven't heard the last of me yet!" Kahn insisted as he disappeared behind the elevator doors. "Mark my words, the tournament shall live on, and one day I will destroy you all! Do you hear me? I'll be back!"

"Hasta la vista, baby," Celestia chuckled. "Now then, I believe that's enough excitement for one day, don't you? Who votes we all go back to my place to watch rom-coms and eat our weight in ice cream?"

"AYE!" The vote was unanimous, and the entire crew headed for the stairs content that Earthrealm was safe.

...For another few months, at least.


THE END