//------------------------------// // What is This Feeling? // Story: A Silver Lining for Derpy // by Teyeson Bee //------------------------------// A bit of tension filled the area as Silver Lining stood in between Derpy and Rain Storm. Everybody stopped to see what was going on, and gasped when they saw someone standing up to the most popular girl in school; something no one had ever thought about before. Even Rain was a little bit taken aback by the act, but no one was as confused as Derpy. She went through her whole life of middle school and high school with not one person ever standing up for her, but now, her last year of all times, there was someone new, standing between her and Rain, defending her. "I'm sorry," Rain said as if Silver had just insulted her. "What did you say?" "You heard me," Silver replied sternly. "Leave her alone. She doesn't deserve for you to talk to her that way." Rain started to chuckle. "Look, you're new here, so I'm going to let that one slide, but apparently, you don't know how things work around here. You see, I'm the most popular girl in school, and it's my job to make sure that freaks like Derpy don't get their hopes too high about life. In a way, I'm actually helping her. Wouldn't want her to get too cocky after all. See what I mean?" "The only thing I see is a sad excuse for a role model for the students at Cloudsdale High," Silver responded, not even stopping to think about what Rain just said. "From what I've seen today, this girl needs some motivation. In fact, I think you should take some tips from her about humility and be brought DOWN a few pegs, your majesty!" Rain blushed furiously as she heard a few distant giggles from the staring crowd. She snapped her head at them and they shut up right away and dispersed. The entire time this was going down, a million thoughts were running through Derpy's mind. Like, "Why is he standing up for me?" and, "He thinks I'm humble?" She just couldn't figure out why someone would be talking for her so...passionately. After a few tense seconds passed, Rain tried to think of something to come back with, but words failed her. All she could do was huff and say, "Whatever weirdo!" As she turned to walk away, she quickly looked back at Derpy. "You know, your little boyfriend isn't going to be around forever. We'll continue our session another time." She then snapped her fingers, summoning her groupies to her side, and left hastily. Silver turned back to Derpy and smiled softly. "You ok?" he asked. "I'm fine!" mumbled Derpy coldly as she pushed her way passed Silver and headed for home. Silver just stared at her confused. "You're welcome," he said to himself as he grabbed his bag on the ground and took to the air. As Derpy continued toward home, she couldn't help but think if she should've said thanks, but she figured it would've been pointless. She didn't want to sound ungrateful, but after what happened to her in the past, she didn't want to get involved with him. You see, Derpy's ridicule didn't just come from Rain in the past years. It came from others who were helping Rain. Mostly boys. On more than one occasion in her life, Derpy had been asked out on a date by a boy, claiming that he thought she was really cute. Naturally, after hearing this the first time, Derpy was ecstatic to learn that a boy was interested in her, despite how she looked. Unfortunately, it would all just turn out to be a ruse set up by Rain. This happened to Derpy on three different occasions. Once she was just stood up in front of a fancy restaurant in a fancy dress on a rainy night, then she was ridiculed when the guy taped some personal stuff she said to him and Rain put it over the intercom at school, and the third time was when the guy invited her to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. Derpy went into the closet excited, and came out crying after being tricked to kissing a dog. Since then, Derpy had cut off all connections with guys and her trust in them was just shattered. Derpy didn't want to get involved with Silver because she believed that it was just a trick to get her to trust him. She may have even thought that the whole argument was arranged. Why would anyone want to SERIOUSLY stand up and protect Derpy like that? After Derpy had gotten home, she threw all those thoughts out, because she had something to do. She threw her bags down on the couch as she walked across the hall and into the bathroom. She had gone through the day and her optimism was gone. She was going to end it. "No more ridicule," she thought as she opened the medicine cabinet. "No more solitude." She grabbed the bottle of expired pills. "No more anything!" She unscrewed the cap and poured a bunch of the contents into her hand. She was right there. All she had to do was stuff it in her mouth, and it would all be over. All she had to do was pull her hand up to her mouth and gulp down the pile of pills in her hand. It was too easy. So why couldn't she do it? She just stared at the contents in her hand. Her mind was telling her to do it, but her brain wouldn't move the muscles. What was holding her back? She didn't have anything else to live for. She had nothing to gain or lose. Her optimism was completely gone! Wasn't it? "Today went as badly as the other days," Derpy thought. "Why am I resisting?" "Because it wasn't the same as before," said a familiar voice in Derpy's head. "For the first time in forever, someone actually stood up for you. You don't know if he's trying to trick you. You don't know if his intentions were impure. Don't you think that he deserves a chance?" Derpy stared at the pills as her optimism spoke. She didn't want to see what tomorrow would bring, but then again, she also wanted to see if it was going to be like today. Her depression was trying to move her limbs, but her optimism held it back. She thought that her optimism was gone, but that one action from Silver must've triggered something that saved the last bit that was inside her. Now it was fighting to grow again. Derpy's mind turned into a battlefield again as her sides duked it out. "It's not worth it! It's never going to be different!" "You're wrong! It was different today! Why else would that boy defend her?" "To trick her like all the other boys?" "You have no evidence to support that! That boy just might be the something that Derpy needs to keep living!" "There is nothing for her! She has nothing to live for!" As the two sides continued to fight, Derpy was losing control. Her mind was turning to ruins and she couldn't take it anymore. Finally, Derpy let out a scream that silenced the voices and shook the room. The battle in her head was too much for her to handle. The confusion mixed with frustration had done its part. In a fit of rage, Derpy chucked the pills against the bathroom wall, stormed out of the bathroom, and jumped face first onto her bed. She didn't know what to make of all this. This was the first time she felt this angry and confused at one time. Derpy lifted her head and felt something slide down her cheek. A single tear. Derpy hadn't cried since her sophomore year, since she cut the world out of her life. After realizing what it was, Derpy quickly wiped her eyes. "What's going on with me?" Derpy thought as she rolled onto her back. Her depression was still inside her, but something new had merged. A feeling that Derpy had not felt since her mother was alive. A feeling that spread a small bit of warmth in the frozen, lonely heart of hers. A feeling that was thanks to that one single guy who decided to defend Derpy. A feeling of hope. The next day at school, Derpy walked into her classroom and plopped down at her usual desk in the back. Having recovered from her previous tantrum, Derpy was back to her usual emotionless self. Derpy took out her notebook and pencil just as Rain came walking in and went back to her. "Hello there, Derp-face," she said. "If I remember correctly, we didn't finish our lecture yesterday." "And you're not going to," said a stern voice. Rain turned around to see Silver standing with a smile on his face. Rain opened her mouth but Silver caught in first. "If you got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Also, you're kinda in the path of my seat." Rain rolled her eyes and moved a little to the side as Silver moved his way back and sat at his seat beside Derpy. He exchanged her a smile and she forced one back. As she walked back to her seat, she slid her hand along Derpy's desk and pushed her notebook off. "Oh no," she said teasingly. "How derpy of me! Could you pick that up? Thanks hon." When she had returned to her desk, Derpy leaned down to pick up her notebook, but Silver was already holding it in front of her. Derpy looked at him as he smiled kindly at her and took the notebook. Feeling that saying nothing would be rude, she mumbled a soft, "Thank you," as she turned back to her desk. "No problem," Silver responded. "I'm Silver Lining by the way, but I guess you already knew that. What's your name?" "Derpy," she replied quietly. "That's a nice name," Silver kindly said. "It's nice to meet you Derpy. I hope we get to be good-" "Could you stop talking please?" Derpy interrupted. "I'd like to listen to the lesson." "Sorry," Silver replied. Derpy wondered if she sounded too harsh to him, but remembered her resolution not to fully trust him and returned to her work. The rest of the day was just like before, except at the end of the day, as Derpy walked outside to expect Rain waiting for her, she was greeted by Silver. As he began talking to her, Derpy noticed over his shoulder that Rain was watching her with angry eyes and then walked away in a huff. That was the first time Rain skipped out on a chance to insult her. Was it because Silver had interrupted her twice and she didn't want to hear him do it again? In any case, Derpy was kinda relieved to not have to deal with her. And to her further surprise, she didn't have to deal with Rain face to face the rest of the week. The next few days showed a lot of difference to the previous ones. Whatever reason he had, Silver started to talk to Derpy any chance he got. Derpy would mostly stay quiet, but interjected a few times in one or two-word sentences. Also, every time she and Silver were seen together, Rain wouldn't harass her. Derpy had to admit, it was nice to not deal with the prissy pegasus-girl for a while, but she figured that she would get comfortable sooner or later and continue her assault, Silver or no. And on the topic of Silver, Derpy found him to be very...friendly. Sometimes a bit TOO friendly though. Everyday he greeted Derpy with a smile, helped her even if she didn't ask for it, and walked her outside at the end of each day. If he really WAS just putting on an act, he was very committed to the part. Derpy WAS still on the notion that he was acting, but every day that she spent with him, a little trust began to build inside. It was something Derpy hadn't thought in a long while. She still tried to keep as much distance from him as possible, but still didn't want to go a whole day without seeing him once. It was a confusing time for Derpy. She knew this though; if his goal was to earn her trust, he was starting to succeed. The only thing was that Derpy didn't want to get too close to him, or her hopes might get the better of her, so she kept trying to push him away. Though for one reason or another, Silver was a tough guy to get rid of. One particular Friday afternoon, Derpy was sitting, having lunch by herself, when who should sit down across from her but Silver Lining. Derpy looked up to see him smiling at her and then continued with her meal as he talked. "What's up Derpy? Listen, I've been thinking about what to do about that project that was assigned to us in English, and I got the idea last night to make it about-" "Ok! That's it!" Derpy snapped as she threw down her fork. Silver stopped and stared. "What's your game?" "Game?" Silver asked. "Yeah," Derpy sternly replied. "Why are you being so nice to me? I'm the least popular girl in school, and not to mention I'm physically deformed! You've seen how others just keep to themselves when they're around me. Why would you want to talk to me?" "I-I didn't know I was confusing you," Silver responded. "I just saw you sitting by yourself all the time and I thought you needed someone to talk to." "Well, I DON'T!" Derpy scolded. "I don't know what game you're playing, but I want you to knock it off! I don't need anyone to talk to, and I don't need any pity either!" Derpy picked up her tray and stormed towards the trash cans to dump out her food. Suddenly, her foot tripped on her other one and she fell. She fell hard. When she landed on the ground with a THUD, her face fell into her mashed potatoes. The sound of laughter filled the cafeteria as dozens of students looked on at the lazy-eyed girl with potatoes on her face. Derpy lifted her head and looked around at the laughing students and her depression started to come back. She hadn't made a fool of herself in front of that many peers since middle school. "WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" Silver's voice cried out. The echo of his voice was so loud, it quieted all of the students in an instant. Everyone, including Derpy, looked toward him. "Do you guys have no shame?" Silver scolded as he looked around the room. "Don't you have an ounce of mercy for this poor girl? She falls because of a deformity, and you all laugh? Like you guys haven't embarrassed yourself like that before! This girl should be helped, not laughed at. She should be happy and with friends, not sad and alone. Have a little heart guys!" The students murmured quietly as Silver went over to Derpy, still on the floor. He held out a hand to help her up, but instead, Derpy pushed his hand away and got up herself. No one could see it, but underneath the potatoes, Derpy was blushing furiously. With the combination of her embarrassment, her frustration, and confusion, Derpy turned all of that into anger towards one in particular. "I don't need your help," Derpy snapped at Silver. "I don't WANT your help! I'm doing fine on my own! I don't need any mercy, kindness, or even FRIENDS! Just leave me alone!" Derpy wiped off most of the potatoes from her face and stormed out of the cafeteria with everyone looking with widened eyes. It was a good thing Rain didn't eat that lunch period. She might have had a few things to say, and it's guaranteed that it wouldn't have helped. That night, Derpy laid in bed, tossing and turning. She just couldn't sleep. All she could think about was what happened in the cafeteria. Silver not only stood up for her in front of Rain, but berated the students about laughing at her. No one had ever given a thought about doing that for her. Even after she accused him of only acting kindness and scolding him, he still stood up for her. She didn't know what to do. She had an aching feeling in her heart, one that didn't come from depression or sadness, but guilt. She did feel bad about yelling at him, saying that she didn't want his help or his kindness. She had done what she could to keep Silver as far away from her as possible, but she didn't want to stay away from him. If Derpy was sincerely honest with herself, she DID want his help. She DID want his kindness. She needed someone to talk to. In fact, she had wanted someone to talk to for a long time. The only thing was that...she was afraid. Derpy was absolutely terrified because she didn't want to be let down again. She didn't want to get hurt again like she did in the past. She WANTED to trust him, but doubt and fear were holding her back. She didn't know what to do. She could either keep herself far from him out of fear that he would someday betray her, or she could let him into her life. A kind, thoughtful guy who defended her when all else would laugh at her. A guy who saw past her eyes into her heart and saw the suffering girl from within. As Derpy slowly drifted off to sleep, her last conscious thought was, "I want him as a friend."