//------------------------------//
// Chapter 10: Mr. and Mrs. Cake 
// Story: Agent Con Mane in Mission to the Griffon Kingdom (to be rewritten) 
// by Fairytail 
//------------------------------//

	The Friendship Express hummed and chugged as Joe, Rose and Daggers made their way through the luxury cars thanks to the golden tickets prepared by Daggers in advance. The train was wide and furnished with lovely polished Everfree Oak. The carpets were plush and each car had different colored carpeting and if one looked closely they would notice that the fabric was cut into different patterns as well. The other guests on the train were all posh looking ponies with their muzzles stuck high in the air. Most of them were the snobby Unicorns from Canterlot that Joe was all too familiar with. With their powdered wigs and designer saddles. Joe smiled to himself in a silent victory whenever they passed one of these passengers in the tight corridors of the train since they had yet found the opportunity to wash away the smell from the sewers. Still it was best that they got to their rooms on the train as soon as they could since smelling so bad that they could get tossed off the train at any moment hardly aided in keeping a low profile. 
“Here is your room.” Cloak Daggers said in front of a door in the car with the blue carpeting. “Mine is right next door.” The three ponies entered the room and Joe was taken in by the beauty of it all. The room was surprisingly spacious. A lovely dining table stood in front of a U shaped couched of quality design. A neighboring sliding door lead to the bedroom which contained another couch that could be easily converted into a bed by the press of a nearby button. Off to the side was a bathroom that everypony took turns to use to wash off their offensive odor. The closet within the main room was already filled with prepared clothing. From this closet, Daggers removed a brand new black cloak and put it on. Joe felt that Daggers certainly felt more like himself in his full ensemble. Cloak reached into his hat and pulled out two blue leather bound passports adorned with the royal seal of Equestria. “Your pictures do not do you justice. I have never in my life seen such a handsome couple! However I could not get the Cutie Marks doctored so throughout the trip you must wear clothing that hides your Marks And Joe you will have to wear a hat. I do apologize for the inconsistencies. It was short notice.”
Joe flipped open the passport. The picture was so blurry that the color of the pony’s coat could have been anywhere from a rough beige to a burnt orange. Beneath the picture was the owner’s Cutie Mark. In this case it showed three square slices of a cake with white frosting. The printed information read ‘Carrot Cake. Earth. Stallion. Confectioner. Eyes: Moderate Pistachio. Mane: Light Brilliant Orange. Coat: Light Brilliant Amber.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Cake? Well I guess that’s pretty fitting.” Joe commented.
“Cupcake. I like that name.” Roseluck beamed.
“You are a pair of bakers from Fillydelphia who went to the Griffon Kingdom to pick up the final ingredient you needed for your entry in the upcoming bake sale in Canterlot: the marzipan, mascarpone, meringue madness.”
“Hey what a coinky-dink!” Joe chuckled, “I’m actually going to enter that contest myself. I’m making an entire city out of donuts. I’m calling it ‘Donutopia’! All I need left are some Super Sprinkles.”
“Try to stick to your cover, Con Mane.” Daggers groaned.
“And do me and Mr. Cake have any foals?” Rose asked as she leaned her head against Joe.
“Nu-uh. No foals!” Joe said roughly as he moved to put on a clean suit and bow-tie, causing Rose to stumbled to the side slightly. He also put on a pair of white slacks to hide his Cutie Mark.
“Not even a pair of baby twins?” she whined
“No!” Joe found an over sized bowler among the close and wore it so that it covered his horn.
“I like big families.” Daggers commented, “My whole life has been a crusade for larger families.”
Joe tutted, “So I've noticed. Rose, Daggers and I are going to go discuss business. Keep the door locked. I’ll knock three times.” Rose simply affirmed with a ‘m-hm’ while she was admiring the beautiful wallpaper. Joe exited the room and waited to hear the latch lock. Daggers and Joe went to platform on the caboose. They stood near the rails and watched the dead grass landscape of the Griffon Nest pass them by. 
“I’ll go and see the conductor.” said Daggers said close to Joe’s ear even though nopony else was present and the roaring of the train would drown out any eavesdroppers.
“You sure he’ll cooperate?” Joe asked as he double checked to make sure his bowler didn't look inconspicuous.
“Oh, we've done business before.” Daggers paused to cough. “He’ll stop the train near Buffalo’s Roam where one of my sons will be waiting with carriages. We’ll be there at about six o’clock. You’ll be in Canterlot by tomorrow morning.”
With their plan in motion, Joe returned to his car while Daggers went on ahead to the conductor. Joe knocked three times and Rose took her cue to unlock the door and let him in. The natural light of Rose’s eyes was even brighter than usual. She sat on her haunches on the couch and stared out the window at the passing landscape. Even though the Griffon Nests were ugly and dead and the Great storm Cloud still lingered over their heads, Roseluck stared at it like it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
“So we really are going to Equestria.” she beamed as if she was trying to still convince herself, “Where the sky is really truly blue and the grass is green and the sun is brighter than anything in the world and the moon and the stars. Oh I've dreamed about the stars.” Joe could see droplets of tears form in the corner of Rose’s eyes. “And then there’s Canterlot. Oh I’ve read about Canterlot in the archives. You know when the Griffons weren't looking. Oh is it as beautiful as all that, Joe?”
Joe couldn't help but smile. The foalish wonder in her eyes was infectious. Joe sat on the couch next to her and put a hoof around her. “Eeyup. Daggers has even prepared a honeymoon for us.”
Rose’s eyes exploded with light. Her smile touched ear to ear. “Honeymoon? But I have nothing to wear.”
Joe chuckled and moved over to the closest. He rummaged through the clothes until he found what he was looking for. The one thing he specifically told Daggers to get. What Joe pulled out was a green dress-- a Hoity Toity premium. The dress was green as spring. It was bare-chested and the brown saddle sat high. The folds of the dress were layered and nearly touched the floor. The foreleg straps were decorated with flower shaped pins and pink butterflies were stitched into the fabric. The tears on Rose’s face welled up into an ocean. Her hoof covered her tiny mouth in fear that she would lose her pounding heart through it. She shook her head in disbelief until she rushed straight into Joe. She locked her slender hooves around him and kissed him passionately. Joe’s ears were sweating but he didn't care. He was having too much fun watching Rose flaunt her femininity for perhaps the first time in her life. She pressed the dress against her skin and her eyes were half-closed in fantasy.
“I shall wear this everyday!” she sang.
“You’d better not.” Joe chuckled as he reached into the closet once more and pulled out a suitcase. “Otherwise you won’t get to try these on.”
Joe opened the case and inside neatly folded was an entire collection of simpler dresses in every color imaginable. Upon seeing the expensive silk before her, Rose seemed to completely forget about the green dress. She let it fall to the floor and rummaged through the silk dresses and rubbed her face in them. “Oh Joe thank you so much!” She cried through tears of joy. She wrapped herself around Joe and kissed again and she kept kissing. He eventually had to push her away playfully in order to breath.
“Don’t mention it. It’s the least I could do to thank you for everything you've done.” Joe picked up the green Hoity-Toity and motioned her to try it on. She was absolutely ravishing! Her dull beige coat came to life against the spring green fabric. Her slender hind legs and firm haunches conformed perfectly to the rounded shape of the dress’ flow so that even though it rode high on the flank, she still looked perfectly proportioned. Her beet red tail poked through the back of the dress and it truly looked like a garden of roses sprouting out of a grassy field. Her eyes became greener in the dress. Joe was lost in the utter beauty of it. He admired every inch of her perfect frame. “Not bad.” He said with a whistle, “In fact I’d say that that dress makes you look damn beautiful!” Rose made an adorable curtsy. “Fit for the Gala! Oh, and before I forget…” Joe reached into his breast pocket and pulled something out. “here!”
Joe held out his hoof towards Rose to show her. Her joyful tears were flowing once again. In Joe’s roof was a small gold ring, lined with sparkling diamonds and one heart shaped sapphire. It’s ethereal glimmer reflected in Rose’s eyes.
“A tail ring?” she blubbered, “Is this…?
“Eeyup!” Joe chuckled, “It’s kinda hard to pass as a married couple if we don’t wear tail rings.”
As per tradition and ritual, Rose closed her eyes, turned away from Joe and bent down so that her flank and tail were raised high in the air. Joe did the honors and slid the ring through her tail to the very base. Joe then produced another, much simpler, ring and did the same thing for Rose. It was significantly more easy for her given Joe’s short tail. With the rings in place, the couple embraced and enjoyed their moment of intimacy. 
“Oh thank you, Joe!” Roseluck nuzzled herself deep into Joe’s chest. “Oh we shall be so happy together!”
Joe, sweating behind the ears, smiled awkwardly. “Uh, you do realize it’s just a cover, right? When this is all over, I’ll need that ring back.”
“Aw,” Roseluck pouted playfully. She twirled around and showed off the sparkle of the ring. “I can’t just keep it to remember you by?”
“NO!” Joe barked loudly. Roseluck stepped back in shock. Joe did not mean to be so terse and he was disarmed by the hurt in Rose’s eyes. Rose looked to the ground like a dog that had been scolded for chewing on the furniture. Joe imagined that she had been scolded similarly everyday of her life and was used to taking the blame. Joe felt like Griffon. “No, wait I’m sorry!” Joe whispered immediately, “I didn't it, it’s just…” Joe sighed heavily. He looked to the side in shame. “That ring is important to me. That’s all.”
“Right… sorry…”
The two sat in silence for several moments. The gentle rumblings of the speeding train seem to grow louder in the absence of anything else. They each avoided the gaze of the other. Joe was the first to approach Rose and put a comforting hoof on her shoulder.
“No, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Forgive me, Rose.” Joe leaned in and rested his head against the back of her neck.
“It’s ok.” she said with a weak smile. The two sat on the couch and huddled together in silence for several minutes. Neither of them brought up the ring or the Grimoire or anything of that nature. They just stayed as they were and enjoyed the other’s presence. Time stopped for Joe. He couldn't even hear the train anymore. He simply sat with a gorgeous mare in a gorgeous dress blissfully cuddled in his willing forelegs. He could feel her steady breathing against his. He could smell the shampoo that she used to clean her hair and he could taste the smell of her breath. It was heaven.
The door knocked three time and the happy couple were forced to separate their embrace. “You’re nearest.” Joe said in that husbandy voice and Rose gave him that wifish look. When Rose opened the door for Cloak Daggers, he was struck by the beauty of the angel in a green dress that stood before him.
“Charming, my dear Rose, charming!” he beamed theatrically. Rose, now once again aware of her own beauty, curtsied before Daggers and held out a hoof which Daggers removed his hat and bent down to kiss. “Let’s go to the restaurant car, Joe, for that drink.”
“You got it. Rose, we’ll finish the fashion show later.” Joe stood up and pecked Rose neatly on the forehead. 
“Ok, darling.” She giggled and walked back to the couch but as she passed by Joe, she lifted her soft tail and stroked the underside of Joe’s chin. Joe’s face turned redder than Rose’s mane. She turned to Joe and gave him a stern, but playful glance. “But there are some aspects of this relationship that will have to change.”
Joe tipped his bowler to make sure his horn was covered and followed Cloak Daggers to the restaurant. The maitre d’hotel directed them to one of the pure white table clothed tables that lined the long car. Each table was separated from the other by partition and had a lovely large window. The sprawling landscape outside the train was slowly transitioning from dead grass to grass-less desert. The car was mostly empty although the clattering of silverware from other tables could be heard so Daggers and Joe kept their voices down.
“I've arranged for the train to stop.” said Daggers over a plate of marinated carrots and broccoli with a side of roasted nuts. “We’ll get off here at the restaurant car.”
“No problem.” Joe held a crepe in his hoof. “We’ll meet you there at six o’clock then.”
Daggers looked uneasy. “Make it a little later.” He was whispering more harshly now, “There are some slight complications. One of the Griffon Kingdom’s security officers, Guile. He must have boarded the train.”
Joe recalled back to the Griffon Rose saw in the train window. He knew he should have taken it more seriously at the time and he was kicking himself for forgetting about it. “But ain't no way he had time to contact the Griffon Kingdom before he boarded. They don’t know we’re here.”
“Just in case, I’ll keep him company for the next two hours until it’s time to get off. Perhaps you’d like me to introduce you?”
Joe and Daggers finished their lunch and Daggers led Joe back to the car that came just before their own. This one had green carpeting. Daggers indicated the room Guile was staying in. Daggers and Joe looked at each other and when they both acknowledged that they were ready, Daggers lightly tapped on the door.
“Tickets please!” Daggers said while plugging with muzzle with his other hoof to disguise his voice. The door slid open and the Griffon on the other side barely had time to take in what was going on before he was tightly pinned to the floor by two large stallions. Joe used his magic to tear down the luxury curtains on the window and tied them into ropes. “I’ll tie up his wings,” he ordered, “you get his legs! Just watch out for those talons!”
The Griffon didn't stand a chance to struggle against Joe and Daggers. Before long, he was sprawled on the floor with his wings and legs tied to his body and his beak gagged.
“Do not be alarmed, my friend!” Daggers announced cheerfully, “We will make you as comfortable as possible.” The Griffon answered with an angry muffle. “Now I’m sure Commissar Guile will have a much safer journey. You know, Con Mane, life in the Griffon Nest will not be the same without you.”
“I’ll see you in the restaurant car.” Joe laughed and left the room. Daggers sat on the couch and noticed that Guile had a dish full of chocolate candies resting on the table. Daggers popped some of the candies and watched the bound Griffon squirm in anger. Daggers helped himself to some more chocolate and started to cough violently.
“I have had a particularly fascinating life.” He said when his lungs settled down, “Would you like to hear about it?” Guile gave a muffled sigh. “You would!?”

Knowing that the Griffon, Guile, was in safe hooves with Cloak Daggers, Joe returned to his own room which was just one door away in the next car. He knocked three times and was let in by Rose. She had changed dresses. This time she was clothed in a slimming white silk dress and flaunted her feminine form before Joe. A hoof mirror sat on the table most likely for Rose to admire herself from all angles. Joe didn't blame her since her was doing the same.
“You like?”
“It suits you.” Joe said warmly.
“I shall save everything else for Equestria!” Rose buckled up the suitcase and put it back in the closet.
“It is four o’clock you know?”
Rose sprawled herself out on the couch and made herself look as inviting as she could. “Is this dress against afternoon regulation uniform?”
“Uh, I think we’re having two different conversations here.”
Joe ignored Rose’s cultural remark and happily joined her on the couch. He sat straight on his haunches and Rose rested her head on his lap like a pillow. Joe made an effort to breathe more heavily so he could watch her angelic face bob up and down.
Joe then occasionally heard the sound of very faint coughing. He knew it must have been Daggers. He was both impressed and concerned that his fits of coughing could be heard in a whole different train car. Still Joe knew better than to worry about Daggers. He was happy right where he was. As day turned to evening-- The Storm Cloud was beginning to thin out but it still blocked the majority of the sun’s light--, Rose fell asleep on Joe’s lap and he happily sat there brushing her pretty mane. All the while he continued to hear Daggers coughing from Guile’s room. It sounded as if the coughing may have been getting louder and more frequent but Joe passed it off as just being his imagination with very little else to focus on. Joe looked at his Magic Watch and sighed. Her stirred Rose gently until she woke up with an adorable yawn.
“Rose…” He shook her awake. “We’d better get moving.”
“Why…” she groaned in her drowsy haze.
“It’s almost six.”
“so?”
Joe realized he never got around to explaining Daggers’ plan. “Well, it’s uh… donut time.”
“We’ll have them in here.” She smiled and cuddled up her body tightly against Joe. “We’ll have all of our meals in here.”
Joe held her close. He was ready to agree with her. To say ‘screw Daggers and his blasted dinners. We’re on a honeymoon.’ Joe had to remind himself that there were no donuts.
“Yes, that’d be nice and all but I agreed to meet Cloak in the restaurant car.”
Rose curled into a ball and closed her eyes, ready to fall asleep again. “You can go alone. I will stay here.”
Joe stood up off of the couch and prodded Rose playfully with his hoof. “Now, my dear Mrs. Cake! We’re supposed to be a respectable Equestrian couple!” Joe mimicked the posh accent from back home before dropping it, “Now listen, just do as I say, will you?’
“Yes, Joe” Rose giggled and finally got off the couch. She looked in the mirror to straighten out her man and dress. “Do I look presentable, Mr. Cake?”
“Yes, Mrs. Cake.” They both shared a healthy laugh and just as Joe was about to open the door it slid open on its own. Joe jumped back in surprise only to find the train’s conductor standing there worried with sweat.
“Mr. Cake! Mr. Cake!” he cried in a panic, “You are a friend of Cloak Daggers?”
Joe’s training kicked in. His senses were on high alert. He realized that he had stopped hearing Daggers’ coughing several minutes ago. He cursed himself for letting his guard down for so long. “There was a terrible accident! Please come with me!”
“No donuts?” Rose asked meekly. Joe looked at her in unintended anger and almost lashed out at her for not being attuned to the situation. Joe caught himself and took a breath. He put on a brave face and squeezed Rose’s shoulders tightly.
“Later! Keep the door locked!”
The concerned Rose obediently closed the door behind Joe. Joe didn't even wait to hear the lock. He didn't even bother to let the conductor lead the way. He quickly made his way to Guile’s room and forcefully opened the door.
The inside of the room was a grisly sight. The table was broken, the couch was torn to shreds and there was damage on the walls. still on the floor was Guile the Griffon, but his neck had been snapped and twisted in an unnatural angle and his talons were soaked in blood. Next to him was Cloak Daggers. His cloak and hat were reduced to ribbon. His wings appeared broken and several deep gashes bled out onto the green carpeting. His bright pink eyes gazed out into nothingness.
“They killed each other!” The conductor said sorrowfully. Joe led the conductor out of the room and closed the door. He looked around and made sure that nopony else was in the vicinity. thankfully the car was otherwise empty.
“This must be kept quiet until we get to Buffalo’s Roam!” Joe whispered to the conductor harshly.
The conductor was shaking, “That will be difficult.”
“Cloak Daggers was a powerful pony with many influential friends.”  Joe reached into his pocket and pulled out a hooffull of bits that he slid into the conductor’s pocket. “I’m sure they will also reward you.”
“I’ll try.” the conductor just barely managed to say. 
The conductor left, most likely to lay down, and Joe went back into the room with the two bodies. Joe bent down over Daggers and closed his sightless eyes.
“Daggers… I’m sorry.”