//------------------------------// // Scrape // Story: PonyFall: Onward Valiant Crusaders // by Fullmetal Pony //------------------------------// Yep, this was definitely not on my list of things to do this morning. I was currently walking through the middle of my campus with one girl on my back and two girls at my side. There were two things very wrong with this picture: one thing was that I was an eighteen year-old college student that didn’t even have a girlfriend, and the other thing was that all three girls thought they were the Cutie Mark Crusaders. The thing that terrified me was that, aside from being human, everything about them matched up: hair, colors (at least their clothes looked like their coats from the show), eye color, and even voices.                  “Um, mister?” The girl who looked like Sweetie Belle tugged at my t-shirt (thank god I didn’t wear a pony shirt today). “Are you okay?”                  “Er, yes.” I looked down at her as we walked. “I’m just thinking.”                  “We didn’t hit you too hard, did we?” The girl who looked like Scootaloo asked.                  “No, no. It’s not that.” My head was thumping as I spoke. I must have been quite a sight with a split lip and a bruised face. You’d think a beaten up guy and three girls would attract some attention. Sure, it’s the middle of class right now, but the campus shouldn’t be this quiet. I looked around and saw no one else outside. “I’m just wondering where everyone else is.” It was a half-truth, but I had to keep the girls calm.                  “What is this place anyway?” The red haired girl perched on my back asked.                  “It’s a really big school,” I replied.                  “Ugh,” Scootaloo sighed. “Great, we get turned into weird things and we’re still at a school.”         “Hey,” Apple Bloom asked from atop my back, “how do ya know all this anyway?”                  “I’ve, um, been here a while,” I lied.                  “So when you turn into, um,” Sweetie looked down at her dress, “whatever we are now, does your cutie mark show up on your coat thing?”                  “Coat thing?” I raised an eyebrow.                  “This thing.” Scootaloo pulled at her orange t-shirt. “Gotta admit, that’s a pretty neat cutie mark you have there.” I was currently wearing a grey Queen shirt with all the band’s astrological symbols on it and a crown in the middle.                  “It’s, um, not a cutie mark,” I awkwardly replied. “Your, um, ‘coats’ are now things called shirts.”                  “Shirts?” It was Sweetie’s turn to raise an eyebrow at me.                  “It’s a kind of clothing, like a suit or dr-” I stopped when I saw Sweetie tearing up. I bent down to her level. “What’s wrong?”                  “My…” she sobbed. “My sister! She… she makes dresses! What if she’s back home and looking for me?!” Sweetie’s speech broke down into wails. Then I felt something wet hit the back of my neck.                  “I…” Apple Bloom started crying as well, “I miss ma sister too!”                  “I…” Someone! Anyone help! I don’t know how to deal with kids! Scootaloo started crying now as well.                  “My parents are probably worried too!” she hiccuped.                  “Girls,” I said in the softest voice I could muster, “I promise, I’ll help you in any way I can.” What the hell did that sicko do to these girls? Sadly, the “girls that got forced to act and look like the Crusaders” argument was losing more and more ground in my head. The way they were all crying was genuine, not something that could be manufactured. My heart was starting to beat faster and faster as I felt reality slipping away from me.                  “Do you pinkie-promise?” Sweetie asked as she wiped the tears from her eyes.                  I looked down at my hands, which were currently wrapped around Apple Bloom’s legs. “I can’t really do that right now without dropping your friend.” I put on a fake smile; I was good at faking stuff like that to mask my real emotions.                  “He’s got a point there,” Scootaloo said as she sucked back her runny nose. Then I heard a grumbling noise. “Um, mister? Is there someplace where we can go to eat?”                  “Yeah,” I replied as I stood back up. “We’re right by one of the food... courts.” The last half of my sentence trailed because I realized I was right by said food court. There was always someone at the front desk. Now I knew something was wrong on campus. How could no one have just seen that little outburst?                  I walked a little closer to the entrance (not close enough to open the automatic doors though) and checked to see if anyone was even at the front desk. To some of my relief, I saw that there was a guy at the front desk. But he wasn’t looking at us. Instead, his eyes were glued on his computer screen. I realized whatever had caught his attention was secretly a blessing for me. It probably wouldn’t look good if I was seen with a bunch of crying kids and a bloodied face. “Actually, it might be better if I just make you some breakfast.”                  “Ya can cook with these weird hoof things?” Apple Bloom asked.                  “I get by,” I replied.                  “Were you…” Sweetie’s eyes narrowed as she looked up at me, “a chef pony?”                  “Not really,” I lied. “People say I cook well, but I never really have time now a’ days.”                  “What’s a ‘people?’” Scootaloo asked as we walked past the food court and over to a set of stairs that led to me hall.                  “Um,” Crap, crap, crap! Watch what you say John! They think they’re ponies and that you were a pony. I can’t have them thinking I’m a monster again! “It’s a saying we use where I’m from. It’s like saying you heard it from the grape vine. But we just say we heard it from the ‘pea pole’ instead.”                  “Where are you from anyway?” Scootaloo asked as we slowly descended the stairs. I could see the girls were having difficulty with the steps.                  “Manehattan,” I said the first pony city that came to my head. We were almost on the last step.                  “Hey Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo took her attention off the last step to look up at her friend, “didn’t your sister stay i-” Scootaloo didn’t get to finish her question as she missed the last step and smacked the cement.                  “Crap!” I rushed over and squatted down to check on Scootaloo. “Scootaloo! You okay?”                  “Ow!” She cried as she hugged her left knee. I set Apple Bloom down and slowly pulled up Scootaloo’s left jean leg and looked over her knee. Thankfully, it was just scraped. “That hurts!”                  “It’s not that bad, just a scraped knee.” I tried my best to calmly explain to her. “We’ll get that cleaned up as soon as we’re inside. “Does it hurt to stand?” Scootaloo tried to get up, but I saw her face scrunch in pain as she tried to hold back tears. “Apple Bloom?” I turned and looked at the red haired girl. “I’m gonna carry Scootaloo now. You’re gonna have to walk, okay?” She nodded in response. Sweetie walked over and helped steady her friend.                  “Don’t worry Apple Bloom, I’ve got you you,” Sweetie said as she positioned herself in the best way to aid her friend in walking. “It’s not too bad once you get used to it.”                  “Thank you Sweetie,” I said as I searched through my pockets and pulled out my card key.                  “Is that gonna make this stop hurting?” Scootaloo looked at her knee, which was bleeding a little.                  “No,” I said as I scooped her up in my arms, “but it’ll get us to the place where I have some medicine.” I looked back at Sweetie and Apple Bloom. “You two okay?”                  “Yeah,” Apple Bloom replied as she partially limped with Sweetie’s aid. “I think I’ll get used to this in a little.”                  “Good to hear,” I said as we reached the door to my hall. I fidgeted with my card and got it to buzz the door open.                  “Woah!” Sweetie exclaimed. “You can still use magic without a horn?”                  “No,” I said as I held the door open with my foot. “I used that card thing I pulled out before to open the door. I’ll try to explain everything in a second, but I can’t hold this door open for long with just my foot.” The girls followed my queue and entered into the hall. I let the door close behind me and then led them down the hall to the kitchen right by my room. I maneuvered a chair out from under the table with my feet and sat Scootaloo down on it. I then looked at all three girls. “I’m gonna go get some medicine. I need you all to stay here and be really quiet, okay?” The girls nodded as I rushed back to my room and grabbed my medical bin. Just as quickly as I left, I returned to the three girls. I squatted down by Scootaloo’s knee and pulled  a cotton ball, a large bandage that could cover the scrape, and some brown liquid (I couldn’t remember the exact name) I used as an antiseptic out of the bin. Thank god this stuff doesn’t sting. I looked up at Scootaloo, whose eyes were brimming with tears as she looked at me. “It’s not gonna hurt, is it?” “It shouldn’t.” I covered a cotton ball in the brown liquid and brought it close the wound. Scootaloo closed her eyes as I swathed the ball over her wound. When she didn’t feel any pain, she slowly began to open her eyes. “It doesn’t hurt.” “I told you it wouldn’t hurt,” I said as I finished covering the wound in the brown liquid. I next grabbed the bandage and stuck it to her knee. “That feel better?” “Yeah,” Scootaloo flashed me a small smile as she kicked her knee up and down. “Thanks mister. What’ your name anyway?” “Just call me John.” “That’s kind of an odd pony name,” Sweetie said as she looked back and forth between Scootaloo’s bandage and myself. “It’s what my friends call me,” I lied. Now the Scootaloo was okay, my focus was starting to slip. I needed to fix up my own body now. “I’ll be right back, I just need to go get some ice for my face and some food for you.” I started to get up. “Do you promise to stay here?” The girls nodded. “Okay, I’m gonna shut the door this time so you can talk without waking up anyone.” I walked over and closed the door. As soon as it was closed, I turned around and let the brave act I’d been putting on fall to pieces. Holy crap! Holy crap! I just brought a bunch of kids into my hall! What do I do? What do I do?! Before I could think anything else, a twinge of pain shot through my face. “Getting something cold in my face is the first order of business.” I slumped into my room. I looked at my still sleeping roommate and thanked everything holy that he could probably sleep through the apocalypse (which was seeming much closer at hand than I thought before today). I grabbed a hand towel and some ice from the fridge and stumbled into my bathroom. Before I stuck the cloth under some cold water, I finally managed to get a good look at my face. A caked stream of blood ran below my lips and stopped at my chin. Little blue splotches dotted my face. To fully assess the damage, I also pulled up my shirt and saw small swollen areas covering my chest. “For little kids, they really pack a punch.” I gathered some cold water in my hands and splashed my face with it. It stung a little, but it wasn’t too bad. I soaked the cloth in the cold water and then wrapped it around the ice. I cushioned it on one of the bigger bruises on my face. With the pain subsiding, my mind was a little more clear. I brought my focus back to the kids. They are not the Crusaders. I don’t care what I saw! They. Are. Not! I just need to call up the police and get this sorted out. My stomach let out a grumble. But for now, they’re hungry and I’m hungry. I just need some help to watch over them while I cook stuff.   I walked out of my bathroom and into the hall again. I peaked into the kitchen and saw the girls were talking with each other. They didn’t notice me as I passed by the door. Just past the kitchen was the help I needed. I hoped my friend wouldn’t be ticked about being woken up early. I lightly knocked on her door. “Ugh,” came a voice from behind the door. “Damn it, who is it?” The door swung open to reveal a short girl with blond (currently disheveled) hair. “John? Jesus, what the hell happened to you?” “Sorry Jane, it’s kind of a long story. I could really use your help right now.” “Why? What’s going on?” “The Cutie Mark Crusaders are in the kitchen.” “What?” Jane’s face completely deadpanned. ~~~                  “It really doesn’t hurt anymore?” Sweetie asked Scootaloo as the former unicorn inspected the bandage.                  “No,” Scootaloo replied. “He must be some kind of doctor or maybe a potion brewer like Zecora.”                  “I don’t know,” Apple Bloom was also analyzing the strange box ‘John’ had left in the room. “Zecora always talked in rhymes. Plus, this definitely looks like the emergency kit Ms. Cherilee keeps at school.”                  “That’s the other thing.” Sweetie frowned. “I don’t think he’s a pony.”                  “Um,” Scootaloo tilted her head at her friend.“None of us are ponies right now.”                  “I mean, I don’t think he was ever a pony. Did you see the face he made whenever we used the word pony or when we told him who we were? I don’t think a pony would act like that.”                  “Then what is he?” Apple Bloom shivered a little as her eyes darted to the oven and the stove. “He… he said he’d make us breakfast. Ya don’t think he meant he’d eat us, do ya?”                  “No,” Scootaloo bluntly replied. “Whatever he is, he still helped us. Apple Bloom, would a monster have ever carried you on his back like that?”                  “But…” Sweetie started to speak up.                  “Or still help us after we hit him with these weird hoof things?” Scootaloo retorted as she clenched her fist in front of Sweetie.                  “I guess,” Apple Bloom eyed the ground. “But, if he was never a pony, then how’d he know about Manehattan, or hooves, or pinkie promises?”                  “We’ll ask him when he comes back,” Scootaloo replied.                  “I think we should ask now then.” Sweetie pointed a hand at the door as two figures entered the room. ~~~ “I swear John,” Jane’s eyes were slanted as she walked beside me down the hall, “if this is some sort of joke, you’d better have a good reason behind it.” “Trust me Jane,” I shifted my ice bag around my face as I spoke, “I really wish I was joking. But you look at them and then tell me I’m not serious.”                 “Maybe you went crazy as karma for skipping class,” Jane joked as I opened the door to the kitchen.                 “By all means then,” I said in a snide tone, “join me in my delusion.” I then looked at the three girls. “Girls, this is my friend Jane. She’s gonna watch over you while I get everything ready for breakfast.”                 Jane stood there with her mouth gaping open as she looked at the three girls. “John… what the fu-”                 “Language,” I interrupted her as I made my way for the door.                 “Wait, John! You need to run this by me again. Please?”                 “Be right back!” I gave her a smile before I shut the door.                 “Mister, wait a minute. We just want ask you,” Apple Bloom called out a second too late, “something.”                 Jane rubbed her temples as she looked over at the three girls. “Um, hi?”                 “I, uh,” Sweetie looked back and forth between her friends and the strange new creature in the room, “like your mane?” ~~~                 I lost my smile as soon as the door was shut. I just sent Jane to deal with traumatized girls! I pressed the ice pack close to my head. What is wrong with me? My stomach grumbled. “Ugh, screw it, I can at least give everyone something to eat before I let the police deal with this.” I opened the door to my room and quickly went to grab the breakfast supplies.                 I’m not fit to deal with traumatized girls. I grabbed PAM, a frying pan, a bowl, and cooking utensils. They need professional help. I opened my fridge and grabbed the egg carton and a bottle of milk. I just need to keep them calm until someone who knows what they’re doing can deal with them. I began to reach for the final and most important part of the breakfast ingredients: the bread. I mean to think they’re the Crusaders that… I stopped reaching for the bread. That’s just crazy. Okay, sure they sounded like the Crusaders, and looked like the Crusaders, and they genuinely cried over their families, but… “No,” I said aloud. “They are not the Crusaders.” I firmly grabbed the plastic wrapping on the bread. “Keep it together John. You are in reality, with a beaten up face, and three scared little girls. They are not ponies!” Even though my brain wanted to believe the impossible hadn’t happened, my heart was telling me to screw reality and embrace that the Crusaders were real and they were in my hall’s kitchen. “I need to eat something,” I sighed. I opened my room’s door with all my ingredients in tow and slouched back into the kitchen. The three girls were staring in amazement at Jane’s hands. Jane was currently performing the “severed thumb” trick. You know, that really silly trick where you use your left thumb and make it look like you’re removing your right thumb. To anyone (even a little kid) it should have seemed stupid to the extreme. Yet all the girls had been so focused on Jane’s trick, they had actually jumped a little when I entered the room. “You all ready for some breakfast?” “Um, yeah,” Sweetie ran her hand through her hair as she talked. “Thanks Mr. John.” “You… you can just call me John.” I walked over to the stove and set everything up. I cracked the eggs in a bowl and used a fork to mix in the milk. As soon as the milk and eggs were fully mixed together, I sprayed my frying pan and put it on the stove to heat up. “What are ya making?” Apple Bloom asked as she slowly walked over to look at what I was cooking. “French toast.” Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow. “‘French?’” “It’s, a, um…” “It’s okay Mr. John,” Scootaloo spoke up. “You’re not really a pony are you?” I stopped getting the bread ready. There was a long moment where all was silent in the room. “No,” I slowly answered. I expected the girls to start screaming and running through my hall at any second. I shouldn’t have left the kitchen door open. “What… what are ya then?” Apple Bloom asked as she looked up at me.   The eyes, oh my god, the eyes. Apple Bloom was flashing me the puppy dog eyes. Just. Like. The. Show. A knife was stabbing at my heart as it beat faster and faster. Oh god, what if… what if what I wrote caused this? I-I couldn’t have done this! I couldn’t have broken reality! “I… I’m a thing called a human.” “Is that what we are now?” Scootaloo asked. “Yes.” Wrong! This is wrong, wrong, wrong! The room started to spin on me. I pressed my hand against my head to steady myself. Stay strong John! Stay strong! “Are you okay?” Sweetie asked. “Let’s just get some food for all you first.” I was acting on pure instinct, the instinct to eat something. I methodically dunked the bread in the egg and milk mixture and slapped the soaked bread on the frying pan. The bread quickly began to cook and it’s scent filled the air. I breathed in the air and relaxed a little. “It, uh, smells really good,” Sweetie stuttered. “It’s just a recipe my mom used,” I said as I flipped the toast slices. I then looked down at the little red haired girl. “Is walking easier for you now?” They are scared girls! Forget about them being ponies! You have to keep them calm! “A little.” Apple Bloom kicked her feet around. “Do ya’ll trot like this all the time?” “Um, yes. Aside from really little kids, everyone walks on two legs.” I placed three finished toast slices on a plate and handed it to Apple Bloom. “Do you think you can hold a plate?” “I…” Apple Bloom eyed the plate. “I’m not sure.” “Jane?” I craned my head back to look at my friend. She was lightly shaking her head back and forth. “Jane!” She stopped moving her head and looked at me. “W-w-what?” she asked. “Jane,” I spoke in the calmest voice I could muster. “I need you to put all the plates and utensils on the table for them, okay? My hands are kinda full right now.” As I spoke, I used my free hand to add three new bread slices to the frying pan. “R-right,” Jane replied. She got up from her seat and took the plate from out of my hand and also grabbed the utensils. Then she looked down at Apple Bloom. “Come on… Apple Bloom.” Jane’s voice cracked as she spoke. “Okay ma’am,” Apple Bloom replied as she followed Jane back to the table and sat down. I turned my attention back to the frying pan and flipped the second round of French toast. I first heard someone sniffing something and then a little cry. I stopped cooking and turned around to see Apple Bloom crying again. “What’s wrong?” Jane asked as she patted Apple Bloom on the shoulder. “Everything!” Apple Bloom cried. “This stuff, it… it reminds me of when Applejack would make me pancakes!” Fresh tears rolled down her face. “But I don’t even know what all these things are!” She ran her hands over the cheap utensils. “I… I just wanna go home and see ma sister again!” “It’s okay Apple Bloom.” Sweetie got out of her seat and walked over to her friend. “We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders. We’ll figure out a way back home.” Sweetie gave Apple Bloom a deep hug. “T-thanks Sweetie. But…” Apple Bloom looked back at the toast and the utensils. “How are we gonna eat that stuff?” “Um,” Scootaloo raised an eyebrow, “with our mouths?” I turned back and around and quickly removed the toast. It had definitely been in the pan for long enough, and I still had three more rounds of toast to make. Thank god I forgot the syrup. That would have been a disaster. Visions of the human Crusaders trying to eat the syrup covered toast with only their mouths filled my head. I shuddered a little as I put the next trio of bread slices into the pan. Then I turned back around and looked at Jane. “Jane, could you show them how to use forks and knives?”   “Yeah,” Jane’s head bobbed up and down. “Sure, sure.” ~~~ Fifteen minutes later and everyone had full plates in front of them. A few of the girl’s toast slices had been mutilated. That was the price of learning how to use forks and knives. Despite  now having a basic grasp of how to use the utensils, all three girls still had death grips on their forks and knives. “It’s just breakfast,” I said to try and get them to loosen their grips. I didn’t want them to accidentally cut or poke themselves. “It’s not gonna bite you.” “But these things are hard to hold,” said Scootaloo as she fiddled with utensils in her hands. “Just be careful with them, okay?” I said as I sat down at the table. “You three eat your food okay? It’s been a rough morning for all of us.” Before I touched my own food, I made sure the girls and Jane were eating something first. The Crusaders all simultaneously punctured a piece of the toast with a fork, eyed it for a second, and then stuck the pieces in their mouth. “This is actually pretty good,” Scootaloo said as she chewed on the toast. Sweetie swallowed her piece but then dropped her fork on the table and frowned as she looked at Apple Bloom. “You were right, this is a lot like a homemade breakfast. It’s like something Rarity would make.” She then looked at me. “Do you know how far we are from Ponyville, Mr. John?” “Where are we anyway?” Apple Bloom asked. Just take it slowly with them. “You’re on a world called Earth.” “‘Earth?’” Scootaloo asked. “You mean like the stuff the ground is made of?” “Somewhat, it’s very far from Ponyville and Equestria.” “That’s the other thing.” Apple Bloom put her fork and knife down. “How do ya know about Equestria, and pinkie promises, and why were you afraid of us when we told ya our names?” “Um, John?” Jane was giving me wide-eyed look. I was probably doing the same to her. For a few seconds there was silence in the room. “Humans…” I spoke up. “Humans like to watch other worlds and see other races’ stories. Your world has become quite popular recently.” Can I even say I’m lying anymore? I am telling the truth from a certain point of view. “Humans,” Sweetie shrunk back a little, “watch us?” “Hmm, maybe it’d be better if I showed you.” I got up. “I’ll be right back. When I come back, do you promise not to be scared?” “We…” Scootaloo started, but then looked at her friends. “We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders, we’re not afraid of anything!” They all said in unison. Somehow, hearing them united put a smile on my face. “Good to hear,” I said as I rushed to my room and quickly returned with my laptop. “What’s that?” Sweetie asked as I sat down and opened up my laptop. “It’s a thing called a computer. Humans use it to send letters, read books, watch stuff, and a whole bunch of other things.” “So you don’t have a horn, but you can use magic to make this thing work?” Scootaloo asked as her eyes filled with the glow of my login screen. “No, magic doesn’t really work on Earth. We have a thing called electricity though. It makes my computer run and the stove get hot without a fire. It has a lot of uses.” “‘Electricity?’” Apple Bloom tilted her head. “Ya mean like lightning?” “Kind of,” I replied as I typed my password and pulled up ITunes. “Lightning was how humans first discovered electricity. But now we use lots of other things to make it.” I was about to click on the “TV shows” button, but I stopped. “Are you sure you want to see this?” All three girls nodded and I clicked on the button. “Twilight?!” Apple Bloom nearly pressed her face to the screen. “Why is she on your compu-thingy?” “She’s not,” I replied. “That’s just a picture of her that the show uses.” “‘Show?’” Sweetie asked. “Remember how I said humans like to watch other worlds?” “Yeah,” Sweetie quivered. “Well, we don’t constantly watch them. We just watch little moments of each world. I clicked on the picture and then clicked on an episode. “Sorry is this seems a little familiar.” The screen shifted to show a forest. “Are you sure about this Scootaloo?” Sweetie’s voice rang through the room, even though all Sweetie’s mouth was currently doing was gapping open in shock. “That… that’s my voice!” she cried out. The screen moved up to show three familiar ponies attached to a rope. “Hey! This is that time we tried earning our cutie marks with the zip line!” Scootaloo looked back and forth between the screen and me. “This is weird,” Apple Bloom said as she watched herself and her friends get covered in tree sap. “We’re there, but we’re also here!” “Can…” Scootaloo was staring at the table now. “Can you please make it stop?” I instantly shut the lid on my laptop. An awkward silence drifted over the kitchen. Apple Bloom was the one to break it. “So, if humans watch us, then do things from other worlds come visit here too?” she asked. “That’s what concerns me.” I replied. “Worlds are usually separate except for watching.” I think “impossible to actually exist” is a more suitable term. “Did anything strange happen in Equestria before you were here?” “Well…” Scootaloo frowned as she stared hard at the table. “We were in the Everfree when the sky turned pink,” Sweetie explained. “Then we saw this strange light,” Apple Bloom took over. “We tried to outrun it, but first it got Sweetie Belle, then Scootaloo, and then me.” “So the sky was pink on your side too. But that still doesn’t explain the fudge sm-” I stopped as my eyes went wide. “John?” Jane asked. “What’s wrong?” “Jane.” I slowly turned to her. “There’s only one other time I remember seeing pink skies and chocolate anything together.” “What are you talking about?” “Given those two events and the overall chaos of today it makes perfect sense. Only one thing could have caused all this.” “W-what?” Apple Bloom asked. “Discord.” My answer brought silence to the room. “That statue?” Scootaloo asked. “But our sisters and their friends…” Apple Bloom said as her lip quivered. “They defeated him.” “I know,” I replied. Discord was a statue in the show. What am I thinking?! The show can’t be completely accurate! “But he’s the only explanation I can think of.” I looked over at my friend. “Jane, you might want to cancel your class. I’m gonna need your help with this.” “I think I might cancel school after this.” Jane ran her hands through her hair as she spoke.  I brought my attention back to the Crusaders. “I need you to tell me everything strange that happened before you got sent here, okay?” “Well,” Sweetie started, “it started for me when Rarity woke me up last night…”