Death ensued.
...
...
...
...
...
...
Not literally, of course, but metaphorically. My face paled in the horrid realization of what exactly just happened.
“Um, bro? You alri-?”
“I swallowed my dip.” I croaked. His response was to promptly fall on his ass and laugh it off proper. “You know, actually, I think I’m gonna be-” Then it hit me.
I am so fucked.
As bile was unceremoniously ejected from my gullet, Ty’s laughter escalated to the point of near inaudible wheezes. Until he gagged for a minute, then paled himself. I would have laughed, but the amount of swirling fluid currently being forcibly expelled from my stomach was rather restricting. He soon joined me in my projectile vomiting, coating the grass in acidic bile. Applejack was in stark horror at our upchucking, but I wasn’t really paying any attention as my vomit paused.
“Oh… God!” It started again, forcing me to my knees, then stopped for a second. “This… is… *hurl*... the… WORST THING EVERRRR!” My R’s rolled into the next vomit as I began a slow crawl to AJ.
“Please… *hurl* help me!” In her panicked state, the orange mare kicked my fucking lights out.
~ ~ ~
“Come on, Celly. Let’s go to where Stone had detonated his beacon.” Luna said softly. The older sister slowly nodded and walked with her kin up to the throne room.
“Fly or Teleport?” Celestia asked upon the secret chambers closing.
“I fear we must go there immediately.” Luna said with a worried grimace
“I agree. Let’s depart.” Her sister said, undoubtedly sharing the Lunar Princesses thoughts. The two teleported to the glorious towers of the Crystal Empire, and with them, horror. Ponies screamed, galloped about, and bucked the occasional monster in the face before getting ripped to pieces. Amongst the bloodbath, was a Royal Guard company. Specifically, Princess Cadence’s. Captain Shining Armor was there, shouting orders, directing the evacuation, and setting up defenses against the unstable horde of evil. Celestia shot down to accompany the group, as Luna steeled her gaze and shot down with her sister. With a single flash, she produced a long, thin blade that shone silver like the moon, and carved three Zerglings in two with a single slash. The guard that she had saved stared in awe for a second but quickly saluted and went to fight more. Luna reverted back to the Royal Canterlot Voice for but a moment.
“Hear ye! Flee, my little ponies! Flee! Thou shant fight these creatures and come out alive!” At being told this, all of the remaining civilians began to follow Shining’s evacuation orders, while the soldiers began a retreat.
“Princess Luna!” Shining Armor called.
“Captain Shining Armor, retreat as quickly as thou can! The Crystal Empire is lost!” Luna said, then realized that the beasts were not attacking her nor her sister. She frowned for a minute, before cutting swathes through more Zerg units, who continued to ignore her efforts. Princess Luna, after splitting a Hyrdalisk down the middle, heard a familiar scream.
“Whisper! Glass! Get out of he-AGH!” The voice of Velvet Rose came to her ears. With a look to the side, she darted off into the fray in search of the screaming mare and crying foals. She could clearly make out the voices she knew so well, and she hoped to Faust they were okay. She sliced through a Zergling and came upon a horrid sight. An Ultralisk, bleeding and seething with rage was already bringing down his large bladed tusk down onto a dark red mare.
“NO!” Luna cried, but it was too late and the mare she’d know for years was cut in half before her very eyes. Luna charged her horn in a fit of rage, and blew the Ultralisk apart in one blast. She ran to her friend, with her crying foals hovering over her.
“Velvet…” Luna said, seeing the mare smile, then choke a little on blood.
“Don’t worry, Lulu… I’m half the mare I use to be… After all…” She chortled, a line of red running from her lips. Luna chuckled lightly.
“Not even a twenty meter alien can get you down, can it?” She asked with a fake smile.
“I’m afraid… This time it’s permanent…” She coughed more blood, "Lulu… Can I ask you a favor?” She asked.
“Anything.” Luna said passionately.
“With… With Stone Kiss dead… Our foals have nopony… Could you… Maybe look after them?” She struggled with every word, and Luna knew her time was soon.
“Yes, old friend, I will.” She said, stroking Velvet’s mane as she passed to the next life. Finally, Luna stood, picking the foals up in her magic and putting them on her back, which she covered with her wings. After five more minutes of fighting (more slaughtering on Luna and Celestia’s parts), the ponies were evacuated and the Crystal Empire lost. At the camp, Luna and Celestia set up massive protection spells, so not even the foul beasts could get through. Then they sent letters to their respective generals detailing their situation and location. Luna then put the shocked foals in her tent, even though they had already passed out she set up a magic alarm clock that could only be activated by her magic. That done, Luna approached Celestia, but the latter spoke first.
"Luna, what are we to do?" She sought guidance. "Could we possibly retake the Empire?" Luna shook her head softly.
"I’m more worried about their possible leader… Oh Faust, I hope I’m wrong…” After a moment of silence, Luna shook her head and continued. “Sister, I think it best I return to Ponyville to retrieve the two offworlders. They could be useful.” Celestia thought for a minute, then nodded.
“Do so and return soon, Lulu.” With that, Luna was gone.
~ ~ ~
I awoke to an absolutely splitting headache. Also, it was night out. Which I wouldn’t have minded so much, but we had shit to do. To top it off, Ty was spooning me. Fuck. My. Life. I groaned, trying to get out of bed, that is, until I felt something warm poke my back. Ohgodwhy!
“Mm, Courtney…” Ty moaned in his sleep.
NOPE! I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE!
I immediately let off a scream that my parents could probably hear in the afterlife. Ty snapped awake and used his feet to propel me out of the bed and onto the wooden floor.
“Fallen!” I shouted his old nickname as I was scrambling up. I turned back to find him in a combat stance, his kielbasa standing proud.
“What’d you scream for?!” He yelled, causing me to give him a flat look
and point down. He did so and trailed back up to me, giving an eye twitch. He blinked a few times before saying, “Why the fuck are we naked?!”
“Fuck if I know!” Suddenly, hoofsteps began to gallop at the door, which was then thrown open.
“Why are we naked?!” I instantly questioned.
“Cause…” She said, her eyes trailing down to our prime salami’s and a blush forming on her cheeks. “Why are y’alls… ahem… out?” She awkwardly asked.
“They’re always out. It’s a human thing.” Ty said heatedly.
“They weren’t out when Ah had ta knock y’all senseless.” She countered.
“Hey!” I defended, “It was cold outside.” Applejack opened her mouth to combat my words, but was cut off by my voice. “Another thing! Why the hell did you knock us out?!” I asked, my memory still befuddled.
“Ya mean y’all don’t remember? Ya swallowed yer dip thingy-ma-jiger.” She said, causing me to pale in remembrance.
“Never. Again.” My voice was small, getting an even tinnier nod from Ty.
“Applejack?” A small, tired voice asked “What’s goin’ on?”
“Applebloom! Avert yer eyes!” She rushed to one side of the hall.
“Why?” Charlie’s voice asked before barging in and stopping abruptly at our naked forms. Her eyes widened as she slowly backed out with a blush forming across her face.
“Nope! Nope, nope, nope, nope…” She trailed down the hall, continuing her nopes.
“Chocolate!” AJ called, moving to the other side of the door.
“HOLY SMOKES!” A small, yellow filly jumped on the tips of her hooves as her hair stood on end, then ran down the other hall.
We just mentally scarred a small child for the rest of her life. Before I could retaliate, a large, red stallion looked inside to see what the commotion was all about. He had a similar reaction to Charlie, except he looked us up and down, then responded with a hearty, “Eeyup!” then turned and walked out, causing Ty and I to raise our eyebrows at the display.
“Big Macintosh!” Applejack whined, moving back across the door and allowing an elderly green mare to look in. She gazed at us with level eyes and shrugged.
“Meh, Ah’ve had bigger.” And kept on walking. Ty and I both ground our teeth at that. Applejack rushed back into the room.
“PUT YER COCKS BACK INTO THEIR SHEATHS!” She roared.
“WE DON’T HAVE COCK SHEATHS!” Ty roared back.
“Well that can be amended.” Luna said from behind, a now pale, Applejack with a bemused smirk. Ty looked up and casually replied,
“I’m not into horses,” With a shrug.
If Applejack gets any paler, we’re gonna need a casket. Luna offered a shrug of her own and continued over Applejack.
“They have a habit of growing on you.” She said, shutting the door behind her. Her horn lit up again and coated the room in some teal light that slowly dissipated.
“Let’s get down to business.” She said.
“Whoa, whoa. Last time somebody told me that and I was naked, the cops had a freaking field day.” Ty said, “Let us get some clothes on and then we’ll talk about those plans.”
God knows we need to… Ty and I shifted around the room, thankfully finding our old clothes in a corner. When we were comfortable, we turned around and crossed our arms.
“What all do you know about the Protoss.” It was more of a demand, really. One that caused Luna to sigh deeply.
“Everything.” She paused, “Or so I think…” Ty and I each arched an eyebrow.
“I created them in a video game.” Luna said, dragging me back to the situation at hand.
“So Toy Story gone wrong?” I broke in.
“I do not understand that reference.” Was her reply that caused my arms to fall.
Fuckin’ ponies, man.
“Wait, you guys have the tech for video games but not weapons more advanced than a crossbow or sword?” I asked.
“After a thousand year reign of peace, my sister felt as if she did not need to focus on weapon development. Though we would be able to import steam powered weaponry from the Griffons, Goblins, and Minotaurs.” She said.
“Well, you should probably do that. Advanced weapons are very helpful.”
“I will look into that.” She said, then picked up where she left off. “Regardlessly, the Protoss are pure in the aspect of form. The Great Ones created the Protoss as such and the Zerg as the purity of essence-”
“Zerg? This really is Toy Story gone wrong.” I said, getting a chuckle from Ty. There was an annoyed pause from Luna, before I waved her to continue.
“The ponies are supposedly thousands of years in the future and caught between the two struggling races." She explained.
“That’s disturbing, it's exactly like what happened in the Koprulu.” Ty said, furrowing his brow in, probably, the same thought process as me.
“Not nearly as what I have witnessed today.” She said, a shadow falling over her face. “The Zerg are here. Now. If that means what I think it does, it is a blessing disguised as a curse.”
“What are the Zerg?” I asked.
“Pinnacles of evolution. Constantly growing, evolving, bettering themselves. Death and destruction follow easily in their wake. They only have three things residing within their minds: Kill anything not Zerg, obey their master, and conquer the universe. If anything is supremely powerful, they attempt to assimilate into their own forms.” Luna frowned.
“How is that a blessing?” I asked.
“Because it’s the offspring of the Great Ones, not them themselves. If the Great Ones had appeared, I doubt we would be having this conversation.” She said darkly.
“What I want to know is how your video game actually happened, and where we fit in now.” Ty said, drawing a pause from Luna.
“I… Do not know. All I do know is that you two were in the UED before your… Transition to this world, and I’d like your expertise on the matter.”
“Don’t you have more qualified peo-... ponies for that? Like, uh, generals?” I asked, crossing my arms again.
“We do, but I’d just like to access the combat styles of another species. Any help would benefit us against this foe.” An evil smile formed on my face.
“So you’d like to hear a story, eh? Let me tell you about the Death Star, Pandora…” And thus, I spewed as much random bullshit from my cake hole as I could from every sci-fi flick and video game I’ve ever watched/played. My tale drug on for almost an hour, Ty watching with amusement etched in his features and the Lunar Princess being ensnared by every detail. “... And after the One Ring was destroyed, Asgard fell to the Batman, causing worldwide panic and Installation 304’s, Earth’s, creation.” Silence fell for a few minutes, then Luna applauded, a twinkle in her eye.
“Oh yes! We’ll make use of this as the Locusts did the Necromongers! With any luck, it will have the same result as when Ka D’Argo led them against the Reavers!” She laughed with elation.
Holy fuck, she bought it.
“In the meantime, I must return to our Forward Operating Base. I suggest you accompany me-” Translation, come with me or I’ll drag you, “so you may tell my sister of your history. She would be most intrigued.” Her horn flared and the magic around the room lifted. “We will have to return by train, for long distance teleports are taxing by themselves, let alone with two others.” She said and opened the door, walking past a shock still Applejack. We followed. How long has she been out there? Eh, fuck it.
“We gotta get back before the day after tomorrow. We promised we’d help with the harvest. Besides, it’s the least we can do for traumatizing poor AJ here.” I said, patting her stetson as I walked past. Since it was night outside, it was also colder than a witches tit in a brass bra. I crossed my arms over my chest to ensure my nipples wouldn’t kill a deer, (fucking things probably talked here too) and proceeded with Luna and Ty to the train station. Oddly enough, trains run at fuck it’s early in the morning, so we were spared being stuck in the nipply weather for too long. On the Friendship fucking Express, Luna was constantly discussing and relating battle strategies to our ‘heritage’. It was quite amusing, and kept our improv on its toes. Finally, we got a little reprise from her, because she kinda zoned out.
“So,” Ty whispered next to me, “The Sontarans peace loving nation was obliterated by the fearsome Teletubies?” I responded with laughter. When I didn’t stop, he added, “What are we going to tell Sunbutt?” When I eventually recuperated, I said,
“The actual truth.” A pause.
“Are you sure fucking with our new rulers is a good idea?”
“... No?” Ty shrugged at my response.
“I’m down.”
We're going to get beheaded. The rest of the ride was dark and quiet, Luna’s glowing horn being the only source of light in the train car. Creepily, her eyes were glazed. Then again, I was in a world of creepy right now, so I wasn’t too focused on her. When we pulled into the Canterlot train station, I got an idea. A glorious idea.
We exited the train, Luna forgoing her freaky vegetative state, and proceeded down the nearly empty city streets. When we rounded a corner, I looked over at Luna.
“Hey, wouldn’t we get there faster if we flew?” I asked, getting a strange look from Ty and her both.
“Do you not require wings for that?” Luna asked.
“We have wings.” I replied.
“We do?” Ty questioned, prompting me to simply point at Luna’s, who simply blushed. Though, without missing a beat, she covered her tracks with a small smirk.
“So you are the one into ponies.” She said, shifting her previous blush to me.
“W-What?! No, no! I was suggesting we ride you into the night and-” My newfound friend and Ty both increased their smirks. “I’m going to shut up now.” Ty chuckled.
“To answer your question, yes. But I have a better idea. Also, it would be a good idea to refrain from asking to ride on the backs of our subjects. That has become a rather… Lewd activity among them.” I nodded, then suddenly my stomach lurched forward and my world closed around me. When it reopened, I was in a tent with some Unicorn stallion and Sunbutt.
“Fuuuuck.” I heard the groan sound beside me.
“Yes, teleportation has those… disorienting effects the first time. It should be more smooth the next time.” Luna’s voice found my spinning head.
No fucking kidding. Brain, you in check?
*Vomits*
Jimmies?
…
Heart?
OH DEAR GOD WHY THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE WE WHAT’S GOING ON-
Everything seems to be in order. With all things checked, I groaned and stood, as the endeavor had somehow forced me to my knees without me realizing.
“I thought you said long distance teleports were taxing?” I looked to Luna, who’s bedraggled mane was now actual hair. It was a light, relaxing blue that was sported by a small, tired looking, lighter blue Alicorn. "And that we were immune to magic?"
“Yes…” She breathed, “It is. I shall recover with a hot meal, sleep, and some time. As for the magic, I farther examined the charges within your bodies and found that only harmful magic is negated. Harmful magic consists of psions, while positive magic uses mana. Though, with both of your permissions, I'd like to study your immunity further."
“Alright. That’s fine and dandy, but how are we suppose to help AJ with her harvest?” I asked.
“I am sorry,” Sunbutt stepped in. “But you will not be able to.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she added, “A few ponies will be sent in your places. We understand you have military background, and we could use another pair of heads.” Luna’s tired form adopted a look of excitement from practically nowhere.
“Yes! Tell her about the exploits of your ancestors!” She exclaimed, clopping her hooves together. I raised an eyebrow and turned to the Solar Princess.
“Our major wars have been going on for just about forever, but let me just tell you the story of the UED..." And so I gave her every accurate detail I could remember about the foundation. All the while, Celestia listened intensely, as her sister looked on incredulously.
“B-But… H-How?” Luna sputtered, when I had finished, making a small smirk break my stony face.
“Luna? You alright? Dalek got your tongue?”
“And Naboo!” She exclaimed.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked, cocking my eyebrow and wiping the shit eating grin from my face.
“But… But what about Queen Elsa’s two thousand year winter used to freeze out the hundred-century reign of the Hippies brutal dictatorship?!” I increased the look of mock confusion on my face.
“I think you should take that meal and sleep right about now.” I said with concern, getting her to flash a pleading look at Celestia, who simply nodded with a motherly smile. Luna hung her head and exited the tent, allowing Ty and I a much deserved snicker. Our years and years of ancient American studies in the arts had paid off.
“That wasn’t very nice.” Celestia mock scolded with a chuckle. I shrugged with a smirk.
“I’m not always a nice person.” Finished it off with another snicker. I just now noticed the interior of the tent we were in. Including Sunbutt and Luna, there was seven of us. One of the others was ultimately the awesomest pony I’ve ever seen, with nearly black fur and mane, slate blue eyes with slitted pupils, fangs, and actual bat wings. The other two were both Unicorns: a white one with Twilight’s ass tattoo on his armor and a multi-hued blue mane, and another white one with golden armor and a fiery looking mane.
“Alright, enough with the pleasantries,” The white stallion with Twilight Sparkle’s ass tattoo on his armor said, “From what you say, you two were in the military back on your world. Do you have any experience with… Taking lives?” He asked, trying to size us up.
“Yes.” I nodded grimly.
“Before and after enlistment.” Ty added with a haunted look in his eyes. I put my hand on his shoulder.
“The past is the past, man. We got a new world, who could ask for a cleaner slate.” I said. Ty was deeply disturbed by his own actions before his enlistment into the military, of course it was an accident… But he’s never forgiven himself for it.
“Yeah…” He wanted to combat it, but at the same time, he wouldn’t talk about it in front of others. Or maybe he just didn’t see a point to have the same conversation with me for the hundredth time. Probably both.
“Sounds like a story.” Celestia’s little smile never faltered, but her voice changed to one of empathy.
“For another time,” I calmly said, turning my attention back to them, “But now, there are more pressing matters.”
“Indeed. Shining Armor, present the map.” Celestia said, getting the blue maned stallion to levitate a large scroll to the larger table seated in the center of the tent. He spread it out, placing a paperweight on each corner, and lit up his horn. The action caused the map to rise and form a 3-D image of the terrain. He pointed just north of a rather green country, which was subsequently just south of a white one. White means ice. Or snow.
“We are currently here, just below the Crystal Empire, but just above Equestria. The… Enemy, has three forward operating bases, with one massive stronghold, according to our scouts.” He marked off the places on the map, “Unfortunately, any scouts we send out come back wounded, if at all, so we can no longer scout out anything.”
“Whoa, hold up.” I interrupted, getting an indignant silence for my troubles, “If you don’t have scouts, we’ll be in the dark.” The white stallion opened his mouth to combat me, but I guessed what he was going to say and beat him to the punch. “I’m not saying send them to their deaths, I’m saying scout better.”
“Then how do you propose we... scout better?” The Unicorn asked, not without venom.
“I’ll be making sure they stay alive.” Nailed it. “Show me your scouting routes.” He mumbled some unpleasantries, but complied, pointing to the bases.
“We get our pegasi as close to the enemy base as possible-”
“How?” I asked, getting a glare in response.
“... We fly them in until they come under fire.”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
Is this guy fucking serious?!
“Are you fucking serious?!” Ty, forever the bro. “That's the definition of sending people to their deaths!” I placed my hand on his shoulder, trying to soothe the savage beast.
“What he means is, you need to rethink your methods.” Of course, I was raging inside, but I couldn’t afford to lose my head right now.
“You have my attention, human, how do we scout?” I grinned, back in my good ole’ RTS frame of mind. They drilled this into us at the UED Academy, and for good reason. I circled the scouts with my finger and slowly examined the battlefield.
Those trees could work... Hm, no, there's no cover between the hill and them. They'd be torn to shreds. How about... There! My all seeing eyes dominated the 3-D map, scanning, searching, looking for a place where scouts could quietly observe the enemy’s movements without chance of detection. Finally, they came to rest on a small outcropping just outside of the enemies range, letting a smile creep onto my face.
“There.” I pointed, “Fly your whitest, due to the snow, scouts in under the cover of the blizzards to this outcropping. Keep a steady flow of information this way.” I drew a line back to the base. The stallion looked over my methods with a furrowed brow, then slowly smiled.
“Now I see what you meant, Princess.” He said, then extended his hoof to us. “Captain Shining Armor, Knight and Husband of the Crystal Empire’s very own Princess Cadence.”
Well, good sir, I do believe we’ve been had. I slowly moved to shake it, feeling the ponies in the room silently looking at me with a newfound respect.
“Thomas Mustaine.” I felt Ty’s stifled laugh. Luckily, no one else caught it. “Sergeant in the United Earth Directorate Space Force.” With a solid pump, it was Ty’s turn for introductions.
“Ty Hetfield, Sergeant in the same boat, ship rather, as Tom here.” He said
"Aren't a boat and a ship the same thing?” Shining asked.
“Right.” Ty groaned, “Charlie mentioned a ‘lack of technology’.”
“Do you know what an airship is?” I asked, thankfully getting a nod from him.
“Okay, think of a flatter, sleeker, more compact one of those that goes about a hundred times faster than your fastest airship.” I could tell that just the thought astounds the poor guy, the wide eyed step back made it all too obvious. "It can also transform into a walking machine of bullets and death in just under one second"
“You’re bluffing.” The mare with the bat wings stepped in.
“Oh really?” Ty laughed, “Why would we?”
“To seem more powerful than you really are.” She didn’t miss a beat. Remembering my physical proof, I started to pat myself down for my wallet, which contained a photo of my very first flight. I found it where it always is, my back pocket. Before I could retrieve it, however, there was a razor sharp hook at my throat. Firmly attached to the bat chicks wing. I met her steely gaze and held it with as much defiance as possible, just to spite her.
Okay, not the awesomest pony I'd ever seen.
“Dark Stride!” Celestia barked, softly but with enough authority to carry. Effective. I met her gaze once more, a hint of amusement in my eyes and hesitation in hers. It took her a moment, but she complied, her wary gaze still on me.
“I apologize, Princess.”
“It’s quite alright. You are dismissed, take care of my sister.” The Thestral nodded once, attempting to maintain an ounce of dignity.
“Oh, and before you go…” Ty said casually, “Try that again, to either of us, and I’ll rip that wing hook off and sodomize you with it.” A tense silence deafened the room, even the good Princess being too shocked to reply. Nightstride’s wings flared out, her tail swishing aggressively. I could practically feel her teeth grinding.
“Was that a threat?” She quietly seethed.
“Nah, just a promise.” Ty’s casual smile and tone never faltered, but I knew he was angry. His gaze leaked venom and I could practically smell the ozone. Before she could get anything else in, a sharp glance from Celestia ushered her out.
“I know you’re not from around here Sargent Ty," She started carefully, “But I would appreciate if you would not harass my subjects.” She finished condescendingly.
Uh oh.
“And I would appreciate it if these ponies wouldn’t threaten us.” Some venom began to seep into Ty’s voice, causing Celestia’s leftmost guard to jump in.
“You are a part of her Majesty’s kingdom and-!”
“I am a part of my own god damn kingdom.” Ty barked abruptly.
You should probably stop this...
“Auntiiiieeee.” A particularly snobby voice violated my brain from outside the tent. In walked a stark white stallion with a blonde mane, his head held high and nose pointed to the sky. The closed eyed Unicorn strode like he was important, his gleaming golden armor clinking with every step. A gorgeous, glistening gem in a ghastly gorge of grey and…
Was that alliteration? Uh, what the fuck? Anyway… I’ve never wanted to punch someone so hard in my life.
“I was told to- UGH! Auntie, I knew you had a thing for pets, but did a Manticore puke these… THINGS up?!” He stamped his golden plated hoof.
...I take it back, NOW I’ve never wanted to punch someone so hard in my life.
“What was that?” Ty more of stated, than anything else. The ice in his anger was as solid as it was cold.
“Well, at least you taught it Equin.” He waved his hoof.
“Call me ‘it’ again, and I’ll gut you where you stand, you pretentious fuckbag.” I would have stepped between the two as the guards tensed farther, but I didn’t feel like getting murdered in the crossfire. The stallion didn’t even seem fazed by Ty’s threats, just leveling his gaze and turning to Celestia.
“Please, Auntie, call off-”
“PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!” Celestia exclaimed.
Appropriate name... For a pretentious fuckbag.
“If you would apologize to our guests,” She continued, “Sargent Ty Hetfield here will undoubtedly do the same.” She said, knowing exactly the right words to emphasis for her point to get across. To say that I admired her wordplay would be an understatement. Slowly, the pair of testosterone fueled males stared each other down. Eventually, Blueblood cut the thick silence with a very regal (and totally not sincere) apology.
“I, Prince Blueblood, hereby apologize to the offended creature, Ty Hetfield.” He sneered, prompting Ty to clench his fists and grind his teeth.
“And I, Sargent Ty Hetfield of the UED Space Force, hereby apologize to the offended animal, Blueblood.” He said through clenched teeth.
“That’s Prince Blueblood to you, beast!” The white stain snarled, his nose held high in the air.
“Fine by me, royal blood spills all the same.” Ty started down his nose at the snobby royal.
“Alright you two, calm down. I don’t feel like scraping either of you up.”I said, getting rather tense myself.
“I agree.” Celestia stated sternly, getting both of the males to shut up. “Now then, Ty, I’m afraid to say that you may have just made your job a bit more difficult.”
“And how is that?” He said, still trying to calm down.
“Prince Blueblood is your co-worker.”
~ ~ ~
The voices had been silenced, but Stone kiss could still hear them. Feel them. With a cold grip on his infected heart, he bolted through the frigid night air faster than her ever thought possible. His hooves beat the ground twice as fast as an Earth Ponies, making the Unicorn run swifter than any Pegasus could fly. It would have been an exhilarating experience, if not for the organic dreads reminding him of how he ran so fast. But not even his new transformation was at the top of his priorities. No, he was worried.
“Have to see them…” He panted, “Need to make sure they are safe...The Crystal Empire… Has surely fallen… To those… Beasts.” He said, trying to assure himself between breaths. He wasn’t as assured as he would have hoped.
“By the Goddesses… How far did those creatures take me?” He said, already having put at least three miles behind him.
His legs didn’t even burn.
Despite his disturbing new physiology, the general managed to repress a shudder. He worried what else had changed, both inside and out. Besides his hard carapace and new built in weapons, of course. And that he basically overloaded his magic, which should have killed him, but he didn’t even feel a hint of exhaustion from it. It was different somehow, like he could no longer access his mana pool. Only the psions that weaved through his body were accessible. This worried him immensely. If the very thing that powered life no longer coursed through his veins, was he dead? At least his regenerative abilities made up for him no longer being able to heal with magic. The exhaustion was even different, though his muscles weren’t tearing, pulling, or even being worked. He felt as if he were a machine. Bio-engineered death. He felt powerful. But with that power came worry. Worry of hurting those closest to him, hurting his allies, or even wishing the fate of hopeless death upon his enemies. He terrified himself. He was of Kerrigan as well, if not more intensely. He remembered the horrifying quadruped-turned-biped from that accursed game and his time in the Chrysalis. How Princess Luna would have known was beyond his comprehension, but what really confused him was her lack of warning. Maybe it was a subtle warning? A message from the stars? Stone Kiss did not know, but what he did know is that he had questions for the Lunar Princess, and hopefully she had the answers. Finally, he came one of the snowdrifts that overlooked the Crystal Empire, and an even colder vice gripped his beating heart.
The Crystal Empire had indeed fallen. It was still a bloodbath down there, but the Zerglings were making short work of that. With their tongues. If the images showed to him in the Chrysalis weren’t twice as horrible, he would retch. As it stood, though, he could only watch in stark horror as his home was infected. The thing he had spent his entire life trying to protect was now being violated by tendrils of organic cruelty. Eventually shaking himself from his revere, he gritted his teeth and made a vow to decimate the entire Swarm. He took a step forward, only to lock eyes with a distant figure, sitting on a fleshy throne with an obvious smirk etched into her face.
You’re welcome to try, little pony, Her dark voice chuckled in his head, causing him to jump, But you will fail. She leaned forward, the deaths of trillions of innocents visible in her eyes even from a mile away. Run. Run, little pony, run to your Princesses and make your plans, but they will fail… And you will all die. She ended with a cold laugh, leaning back into her throne. Stone Kiss ran without hesitation, as fast as he could to follow the map she had implanted into his mind. He wanted to warn them, but that was useless. He’d seen Kerrigan’s powers through the Chrysalis. He’d seen the oncoming storm, and he was certain they could not weather it alone. Not Griffons, nor Diamond Dogs, not even Dragons could help them fight this threat. They needed something bigger. Something better.
Something Terran.
He knew it was nearly impossible, but the Princesses have performed miracles before. He would need to go to them as quickly as he could, but it was imperative that he check on his family. He had to believe that they had gotten out, it was the only thing that kept him going. He would find his wife and apologize for everything he’s ever done wrong and everything he hadn’t, find his foals and assure them that they would be okay, and to find his friends so he could beat the Tartarus out of them for making him join. If the general was not terrified, he would have chuckled at the thought.
He came up to a massive yellow dome with hints of blue enchantments, promising death if touched. Inside, nervous and traumatized guards patrolled, looking for the slightest sign of trouble. Could he even approach without having enough arrows impaled in him to make him look like a porcupine? He was not sure, but he had to try.
“Soldiers!” He shouted, slowly approaching with feigned exhaustion. They all instantly pointed their crossbows in his direction.
...Or not. Alright, time for the old me.
“Don’t you point those pigstickers at me unless you feel like pulling the trigger, Maggots!” He shouted, straightening up. One of them slowly lowered his bow, cocking his head and trying to peer through the yellow shield.
“General?” Upon that realization, the pony on the other side of the barrier began to shout quick and decisive orders, getting the obvious greenies to lower their crossbows, albeit hesitantly. Then a Pegasus darted deeper into the camp.
“Stone Kiss… I thought you had fallen when the Forward Operating Base was lost. How did you get out?” The other pony, whom he’d identified as his old friend, Spear Shaft, asked with a step forward.
“Shaft, do you know if my family is alright?” Stone questioned, that cold vice coming back in full force.
“I-I don’t know. I’ve been guarding the perimeter since we lost the Crystal Empire.” He said, getting Stone Kiss to sigh and hang his head.
“Thanks anyway, old friend. As for what happened…” He said and stepped into the light of the barrier. The greenies brought their crossbows to bear, shaking in fear, but Spear just gasped.
“Stone Kiss…”
“They got me, Shaft. They transfigured my genetics, changed me in every way… Except mentally. They didn’t break my will.”
“Did you lead them here?” Shaft asked warily, getting a scoff from the general.
“No. I am no fool, and neither is the Queen of Blades. She, their leader, already knows the location.” He said.
“Stone Kiss!” Cried a familiar voice from the sky. He looked up to see Celestia descending, worry tugging at the corners of her face, unnoticeable to anyone but her oldest friend. With a soft smile he called back,
“Do not be alarmed, your highness. I am safe, but misshapen.” He watched her relief be chased away by confusion.
“What do you mean?” She asked as he stepped back into the shadows.
“Before you see me, prepare yourself. The Zerg have physically altered me.” He warned, making the Princess adopt a wary expression. He stepped back into the light, getting even Celestia’s pokerface to crack as she covered her mouth with her hoof.
“Oh my…” She said quietly, trying to grasp words.
“I know what you’re thinking, and no. They couldn’t break my mind.” He said, “Though my body…” He turned over a hoof, examining a small pocket from which he could extend a chitinous blade. The yellow light opened in front of him, and he looked up in time to get a face-full of white fur. Stone Kiss hesitated, but when Celestia didn’t let go, he returned the hug.
“Come home, old friend.” She whispered and stepped aside, letting him slowly walk through the bubble. She followed in his wake, closing the bubble back up. He turned and faced his Princess with a worried look.
“Where is my family?”