Trottingham prison is a cheerless place, its grey walls and iron bars seeming to sap the joy out of a pony. Which seems somehow appropriate given the prisoner I am about to meet with.
The changeling prisoner.
Everypony has some degree of familiarity with the celebrated Holly Bud. He has come to embody the rock & roll movement that had captivated Equestria for over ten years now. His voice and skill with the guitar are matched only by his songwriting, all of which has contributed to his reputation. Nopony ever suspected that he was more than just a modest unicorn musician.
However, last week during a routine security check for the train between the Crystal Empire and Canterlot, Holly Bud set off one of the aging changeling detection alarms and was taken in for a standard interview and briefing to be certain of his identity. Not an hour later, Holly Bud was exposed for what he was and the music world hasn't stopped rocking since. Ponies everywhere are clamouring to know the truth about Holly. I've come here to Trottingham Prison to hear it for myself so that I may relate it to all of you, my little ponies.
Holly Bud stands just above average in height to a normal earth pony, his signature heavy glasses replaced by a simple set issued by the prison staff. The manacles around his chitinous hooves chime softly as he rises to greet me.
"Miss Stars," he says, and I like to think he smiled at me. It is difficult to tell while he is in his changeling form. "A pleasure to meet you at last. I was delighted to receive your letter."
"Not nearly as much as I was to receive a response, Mr Bud! I can only imagine the amount of mail you must be receiving."
He laughs, but he does not look amused.
"If the guards let me have half of it, I'm not certain I would have. But I'm afraid that most of my fans are rather... opinionated about my imprisonment, and the warden does not approve of allowing inmates such communication. I've answered what I can, and if it wouldn't be too much of a bother I would ask that you add my apologies to any potential readers I might not have responded to."
"Of course! I'm sure most ponies will be delighted to hear that your silence is not intentional."
"I greatly appreciate that, miss. It means a lot to me, to know I still have friends among ponies."
"I'm sure everypony wishes you the best."
"'If wishes were fishes,' as the song goes."
"I'm sorry?"
Holly seems confused for a moment, then realization dawns.
"That's right, he never did get a chance to release that one. Sorry, my head's been in the past lately."
"That's perfectly fine, Mr Bud. However, since you bring up the past..."
He laughs, and this time I can see him smile.
"Yes, yes. The story of Holly Bud, changeling. I'm sorry to say that I'm not sure either if us can truly do it justice."
"Mr Bud, I assure you that I will be unbiased in my article!"
"Oh, of that I have little doubt, miss Stars. The problem, I'm afraid, is that the story is a bit longer than we might have time for."
"I- how much longer?"
"Well, let me put it to you this way: have you ever heard of a band called the Love Spears?"
"The Love Spears? They were an early punk tock band that formed shortly after the- No, you can't mean-!"
"Oh, but I do!" Holly Bud chuckles at my disbelief. "And I'll do you one better, too: we were all changelings."
"But that was over thirty years ago! Everypony was terrified about changelings back then! How could four changelings possibly have stayed hidden while in the limelight like that?"
"With great satisfaction, that's how. Heh. Those were pretty great times. While they lasted, at least."
"What do you mean? What- oh no. You mean- everypony was a changeling? Even...?"
"Yeah. But I'll tell the story from the beginning, yeah? Don't want ponies who don't know their history to get left behind."
"I'm sorry, it's just- no, you're right. From the beginning, then."
Holly Bud clears his throat, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Right. The beginning..."
I suppose I should start with my real name. It's Dark Matters, of the warrior caste. As you might have already guessed, I was involved in that whole Canterlot business. Part of the reason I'm in trouble now. Misspent youth, eh? Gotta love it.
Anyways, that whole thing didn't go through and we got our flanks handed to us by your dear Prince Shining Armor. Nice guy, by the way. Good taste in music. Has three of my autographs. Heh. I wonder if they'll go up or down in value once everypony knows?
Sorry, got distracted.
You ponies beat us but good. I was lucky enough to be on the outskirts of the whole thing, so I got through it pretty much unscathed except for being blown across half of Equestria.
Now, I'll admit here and now that I wasn't exactly much of a thinker back in those days. That was for infiltrators and the queen. My job was to hit ponies and tie them up to take back to the hive. Mostly in that order, thankfully.
That said, when my head finally stopped spinning and I found myself alone, I didn't know what to do. Made a mess of things. Got myself locked up in this very prison, if you believe it.
And it was here that I met my friends. There was Insidious Call, (one of the sneakiest infiltrators you'd never meet, because he was too good to be found.) Blank (he was a drone. They don't get good names.) and Yellow Streak (a very inappropriate name for him. Never met a braver pony or changeling in all my days). But you might know them better as Kid Vicious, John (don't ask. Blank couldn't think his way out of paper bag back in those days.) and Rook Pall. Oh, and Rotten Song. That was me.
So, there the four of us were, locked up tighter than Luna's puck- purse-strings and feeling pretty let down about things. We got to talking, because what else was there to do? We hit it off, and then Insidious gets an idea for how to break out. You'll have to forgive me if I don't share the important details of that whole thing, but I don't want to give certain ponies any ideas. I know at least one pegasus who'd get herself locked up here just to try it.
I will say that it involved a horseshoe, three sticks of gum, a magnifying glass and a guitar.
Insidious always had the best plans.
Anyways, once we were free we decided that since it was Insidious Call's plan that got us out he should be the one to decide what we should do next. He didn't disappoint us.
He didn't want to go back to the hive. He figured that we were too far away to make it, and we could do better on our own anyways. We saw nothing wrong with that, and it meant that whatever love we got only needed to go four ways. And his idea for getting love was inspired, if I may say so.
We were going to form a band.
See, Insidious noticed something about you ponies: you love to sing. You'll do it at the drop of the hat. Literally! I wrote the Haberdasher's Song after seeing it happen myself! So Insidious, he says we should get in on the action. Get ponies to listen to us. Get them to love our music. Get them to love us.
We thought it was brilliant. There was just one problem with it, though.
None of us knew a thing about music.
It seems kinda funny in hindsight, really. But everypony has to start somewhere, right?
First thing we did, we broke into a music shop just on the outskirts of Trottingham and grabbed the first things we could find before the guards could show up and escort us back to prison. To this day I swear that Luna must have been looking after us for some reason, because there was no way we could have been lucky enough to have gotten the stuff we did. (If everypony would take a trip to Silver Note's Music Emporium, I would appreciate it. I've tried to make up for our break-in in later years, but we just owe so much to that little shop.)
I grabbed a few books and a guitar, one of those magical ones that sounded different and played real loud. The books turned out to be bea primer for training your voice, and since it it was mine Insidious decided I was going to be our lead singer. I was terrified, miss. I'd never been a lead anything in all my life!
Blank managed to get an entire set of drums. Don't ask me how he managed that. Blank was... Blank was special like that. He made things work. We let him be the drummer, because we didn't have the heart to tell him to leave things to us. He loved the drums, miss. He loved music, more than any of us.
Insidious got a few books himself, and a bass guitar. The books turned out to be pretty worthless, since they were orchestral pieces. I still have them, though. For the memories. He played bass and backup singer.
Yellow Streak was on lookout for us, so he couldn't get anything for himself. I let him have my guitar, though. I cannot tell you how much I came to regret that decision, miss Stars. He was completely rubbish with it.
Anyways, once we had our stuff we practiced for a week. And then we got ourselves booked at a nearby tavern.
We were terrible, miss. You've never heard such a din as us that night. I swear, they would have accused us of torturing cats if Insidious hadn't enchanted the audience to like us. Somehow.
I couldn't sing worth a damn, and it didn't help that I didn't know any real songs. But that was alright, because neither did the rest of the boys. We could all be terrible together.
We all kind of found our places. Insidious was the head of our little operation. He helped us practice, kept us all motivated. He found clubs for us to play at. Wrote songs for me to sing and tunes for Yellow to play. He would hang out a lot with Blank, teaching him how to behave around ponies. Taught him to be a little infiltrator, if you will. He made everything come together. Maybe not perfectly, but he did the best he could.
Yellow Streak and I, we were the strong hooves and angry face of the band. Every night we played, there'd be somepony who'd complain or heckle us. And every time they did, I'd be right there in the face, screaming and cursing up a storm. And when things got rowdy, there Yellow Streak would be, big and quiet and completely terrifying. Celestia save the poor fools who gave us trouble.
And Blank was the heart. He had a way of trusting you, miss, a complete faith in that you were looking out for him that only a monster would break. Everypony was always so surprised that a pony as sweet as him could hang around me'n Yellow. He really took to being a pony, miss. Our loss at Canterlot was the best thing to ever happen to him, he'd say. He found the best friends in the world, and was never hungry.
We kept on like that for a few more weeks and a bit, until something amazing happened: somepony cheered for us. Without us making them. All of a sudden, we weren’t sucking. (Well, compared to when we started. I don't want to imagine what we sounded like. I think I would hate my younger self a little.) Yellow was still pretty bad, but he kept keep a beat at least. Blank was a monster on the drums! Nopony could stop him, I swear! I was full of sound and fury, and loving every second of it! And Insidious! Oh miss Stars, Insidious kept us all going, and he could kill with that bass of his, miss. The night we got that cheer was the night we played 'Anarchy in Canterlot' for the first time.
Things really took off from there. The young ponies really loved us, especially since the fancy hoi paloi and all those stodgy nobles couldn't stand us. Insidious's songs really got everypony going, and I don't want to sound like I'm bragging but I could rile a crowd up like nopony's business with all the piss and fire that came out of my mouth.
Ponies said we were rebels, miss. They thought that we were poking at the social stratum with our angry music and foul language and nasty attitudes. But we were just having fun, miss. 'Anarchy' was about the invasion, but ponies got it all wrong. They thought we were singing about a sedentary and useless nobility that did nothing to stop... us! They thought we were trying to start a movement! But I was singing about all the hell we raised, and how they should try it too! It was brilliant!
Oh, don't scowl so, miss Stars. I was a very different pony back then, miss. Truth be told, I was drunk off the love we took from the crowd. We all were. Heck, we named ourselves after a euphemism for a penis! Who else but somepony drunk off their plot does that?
And some of us got a little drunker than others, if you understand me.
Insidious got himself involved with a fan. She'd follow us from town to town and come to all our shows, and he took it into his head that it would be a good idea to take her with us. As a guaranteed source of love, he said. But he wasn't fooling anypony. We could all sense the affection he had for her. We thought it a bit weird, but we were still fresh out of the hive. We took love, we didn’t share it. At least, not like ponies.
But we didn’t care. We got our love from the crowds, he got his from her. So long as it worked for him, why should we care?
And for a time, it really was love. The two of them... well, I'd never thought something like that possible. The rest of us, we kind of envied him. Just a little.
I won't waste time by telling you what else we did, miss. I'll just say that we were doing well for ourselves. Very well. We didn’t think anything could hurt us. We were invincible!
Insidious, though, he wanted more. More than love. He wanted to be honest. He didn't tell us what he had planned that night after our show. We would have stopped him.
When we got back to our hotel hd told her what he was, miss. He told her that he didn't want to lie to her anymore. He said he loved her, and wanted to stay with her forever.
She didn't care, miss Stars. All she saw was a changeling. So she left him. Just packed her things and walked out the door, without even a good bye to him. You should have seen him that night, miss Stars. It was like somepony had told him he'd never feel good again. We tried to help him through it, but... well. It didn't take. I wish I knew why.
The newspapers said he that was drunk, afterwards. They said it was a senseless accident brought on by our reckless lifestyle. They never liked us, and probably saw it as as chance to make other ponies not like us too. And I guess we should be grateful that she never told anypony what he was, but...
But it wasn't an accident. Yeah, he had a drink or two. But nowhere near enough to make him that stupid. He did it on purpose. He could have changed back into a changeling if he didn't want to do it. But he didn't.
Insidious Call threw himself off the roof of our hotel on purpose, miss Stars. Because the mare he loved couldn't stand to be with him.
I don't know if she'll ever read this, but I think she knew and that was why she never told anypony. He loved her. We could feel it. It was one of the most beautiful things we ever saw.
I don't think I can forgive a pony who would throw that away, miss Stars. No matter the reason. Maybe that's just a changeling thing, though. I'll let you be the judge of that.
We couldn't be the Love Spears after that, miss Stars. We- we weren't angry enough. We weren't having fun. The songs hurt too much, and we missed our friend. He was our leader, and he was gone.
So we just kind of... disappeared. The Love Spears died with Insidious that night.
"I- I'm so sorry Mr Bud. I never realised. I don't think anypony ever did."
"Don't be sorry, miss Stars. You had nothing to do with it, and Insidious has been gone for thirty years now. I'm not- well, I guess I am pretty sad. But it doesn't hurt. I just wish he'd been around to see our next band. He would have loved it."
"Oh? And they were better, in your opinion?"
"Sweet Celestia, yes. Have you heard some of those songs we sang? They were rubbish! Complete tosh! Insidious was my friend, but he was shit at songs. I'm amazed ponies still like us enough to imitate us."
"I guess there's no accounting for taste, is there? But your next band, I gather they were a success?"
"You might say that. We got pretty famous. You might have heard of us."
Holly Bud is clearly trying not to smile, but he's failing.
"Well, don't keep me in suspense! Who were you next?"
"We were The Bugs."
Dear readers, I must admit that when he said those words a much younger mare took my place.
"Ohmygosh The Bugs?! Really?! I have every one of their- of your albums! Sergeant Pepper and the Lonely Hart is my favorite! I went your concert in Canterlot!"
"Oh, uh, you'll have to forgive me If I don't exactly remember you. It was kind of crowded."
"Gosh, yes! My friends and I were lucky to get our own booth! It looked like ponies were standing on each other's backs in the public areas!"
Holly Bud gives me a funny look.
"You look quite young to have attended our Canterlot concert, actually. It was over twenty years ago."
"Oh, uhm. I was a filly. My... aunt gave us gave us the tickets."
"Huh. Nice aunt."
"The nicest."
"Yeah. Anyways. The Bugs. Kind of of a big deal."
"I'll say! Your songs topped the music charts for almost a decade! I cried for days when- oh no. No, you have to be kidding. Tell me this just a really bad joke."
"Afraid not, miss Stars. We really were The Bugs. We conquered the music world. Everypony knew us and loved us. Everypony. Everything was going to be alright for us."
Holly Bud's sigh breaks my heart, and I don't want to hear what says next. But I do. And it makes me want to cry all over again.
"But then John Lemon was murdered."
Neither of us can say anything for a moment. There is pain in his eyes, dear reader. I don't think changelings can cry in their true form.
"I- you know, for a second I held out hope that he wasn’t really gone. That it was just a- a trick. A really mean trick, and he was still alive but with a different face. Like you."
Holly Bud looks at me as if I had suggested he ate foals for breakfast.
"Miss Stars, I assure that if he was still alive, we would not be having this conversation. The life I have led... He wouldn't have approved."
"I'm sorry! It's just- anything would be better, you know? Better than- well. Never mind. I'll let you tell the stories."
Holly Bud smiles weakly at me.
"They're good stories, miss. Maybe, when this is all over, I can tell you about them. The time I spent with The Bugs were the best years of my life."
After Insidious... left us, the three of us didn't really know what to do. We trusted him with the plans, and without him guiding us along we were kind of aimless. I couldn't write songs worth a damn back then, so it's not like we could just change our show and get going. That really tore me up, miss. I wanted to make things right so badly, but I just didn't know how to do what he did. Yellow Streak took Insidious's bass, and played at it like be was determined to play just as well as Insidious could. I took back my guitar, and I learned what I could with it. I wasn't all that great, but that was a long time ago. (I was a damn sight better than Yellow Streak was with it, I'll tell you that!)
Blank, though, he took it the hardest. He'd never really had much of a thought for himself before he met us. I think it broke him a little more than the rest of us when he died. He was always just a bit quieter after that.
We were in no shape to be performer's, miss. We needed help. Somepony to take Insidious's place.
That was when we met Lyra. It was like a match made by Celestia herself, miss. She saw us one night, trying to play a new song that I'd messed up, and without even asking permission she joined us on stage and made everything better. Just pushed me out of the way and started singing away like she'd always been with us.
We found out later that she kind of had, actually. She'd been listening to us practice, and she liked the way we played. Except me.
She got along fine with the others, but she hated me at first. She said that a pony with a voice like mine had no right to be so bad at songs, and that I should be ashamed. (She apologized later, though, once we got to know one another.) She took over as songwriter, learned to play guitar faster and better than me just to prove she could. She took all that angry energy we put into our songs while we were the Spears, and then pony-fied it. Gave it a better tune, made it fun, put a smile on it and made it possible to dance to. Without her, we'd never have been The Bugs.
We learned learned how to play as the Love Spears, miss Stars, but Lyra taught us how to make music. Together, we made our first hit: Love Me True. We were contracted by Filthy Rich shortly after, and he decided to take a chance by putting us on tour to the Crystal Empire. (That's where I met Prince consort Shining Armor for for the first time, by the way. And Princess Cadence's favorite Bugs song is 'All You Need Is Love'. A real shocker, right? Nice ponies, though a bit too saccharine for me.)
Miss Stars, do you have any idea how fantastic we felt after we performed for Princess Cadence and the crystal ponies? That places runs off love, and for a few hours it was all ours. Lyra thought we were taking drugs, what with how high we were afterwards. High, and powerful. Everything was easier for us after that. It was Insidious's plan in full effect! Enough love to feed a hive, split between three ponies. We recorded our first album not a week later, and you would not have believed that the same ponies that had played that night were the same that sang in that album.
We all changed, too.
Yellow and I, we got stronger, and smarter. Playing our instruments, learning to sing, it all became foal's play to us. We were up for days, getting better. By the time the finally wore off, we were a lot closer to the ponies we are today.
But Blank changed to most. It was like he'd been in a dark room all his life, and suddenly somepony had turned on the lights. He never stopped being himself, but now he was his own pony. He started making his own songs. 'Come Together', 'Twist and Shout' and 'I Want To Hold Your Hoof' were all his. Most of the really good ones were, but the best were from him and Lyra. It was then that he started getting more vocal about things. More... opinionated. That was when he became the pony everypony knew. John Lemon. (He liked the name. We just couldn't make him choose anything without 'John' in it, if you can believe me. It's a mercy he let Lyra name his songs.) He really got into being a pony, what with the "live in harmony", anti-whatever protests (don't give me that look, miss. He may have been hard-core harmony promoter, but I was the pony who had to listen to his plans every day. It got tiresome.) and all that stuff. The hive could have kidnapped him and never realized their mistake, I swear.
You probably don't need to hear the rest, miss Stars. We kept playing in the Empire for a few years before we started our Equestria Tour that was supposed to last a month but actually ended up being closer to three years. We went everywhere: every city, every town, every city again and then back up to the Crystal Empire and then back down to Canterlot for our famous concert. (I apologize again for not recognising you, miss Stars.) It was like nopony could get enough of us.
When it all finally came to a stop, we - that is to say, Yellow, Blank and I - all felt that we could trust Lyra. She'd stuck with us for so long, even when we were almost out of our minds with love. She was our friend. All of us, not just one of us like with Insidious. So we told her.
And you know what? She'd already known! The whole time! She recognized our instruments from our days as the Love Spears! She knew my voice, recognized Blank's style on the drums! (She kinda shrugged when it came to Yellow, though. It took him a while to come into his own.) Miss, you cannot imagine how stupid and happy we felt. We were so afraid about losing her!
I guess we should have known better.
We were inseparable after that. We bought our Abbey House, moved in and promptly recorded the entirety of 'Please Please Me' in a week. And then 'A Hard Day's Night'. And then one day me'n Yellow noticed that Lyra and Blank were getting pretty friendly. Really, really friendly. Like, "your bed or mine"-friendly. That kinda made things awkward for a bit, but Blank said it wasn't anything like with Insidious. And Lyra was our friend. So... we just kinda went with it.
(And really, we should have seen it coming. They wrote an embarrassing amount of love songs together.)
Fast forward a bunch of years. We've toured across across the world: the Gryphon kingdom, (didn't get quite the best of receptions until I stepped up with a few songs that I'd put together. That was when Lyra finally forgave me for being a rubbish songwriter. Oh, and Yellow beat up a gryphon on stage then made her an honorary member of the band. She got to play tambourine.) Zebrica (where we all received the inspiration for 'Lyra In The Sky With Diamonds'. Don't trust shady ponies offering a way to make things more fun, readers.) and the Minotaur republics. (We weren’t all that popular there, Lyra just wanted to go for some reason. Something about hands. Don't ask, I didn't want to know what she and Blank got up to when I wasn't around.) We tried to play for the dragons, but... well, Yellow and me had a little disagreement with a few young dragons, and without going into detail let's say we all had a very quiet trip back home. And burns. Quite a few burns as well.
We'd recorded a laundry list of albums, and were richer than Celestia. Everything is golden. But not literally, because that would make things really cold. (I admit, I got a little curious what a house made of gold would look like. Worst idea ever.)
We're all getting ready for our second big Equestria Tour. Lyra and Blank are thinking about adopting. Or at least puppies. Me'n Yellow are looking forward to being uncles. (We shipped them so hard, miss Stars. It was hilarious to see them blush.) We're all going to show up at the embargo protests. (You might not remember, as this was a long time ago, but protests were popular back then. And it was a good way to meet mares. A win for everypony!)
Then one morning we get a knock at the door. Blank goes to answer it.
And then Bon Bon caved his skull in with her bare hooves. He was dead before the ambulance arrived.
See, story goes that she and Lyra used to be involved with one another. Happy as can be, and Lyra promised she'd be back from the Empire in a month. But then the Equestria Tour happens, and she's gone for years. But Bon Bon puts up with it, because she's in love. But Lyra moves in with us when the tour finally ends. She doesn't come back at all. And then the gossip magazines are full of pictures of Lyra and Blank being all special someponies with each other.
And Bon Bon. Goes. Crazy.
I don't know how she thought killing Blank was going to get Lyra back. Maybe she thought it was because of the band, and with it gone Lyra would come back. Maybe She just wanted to get even. I don't know.
I hope it was for love, though. I don't like to think that somepony could do that out of hate. It's just... wrong. Love, at least, I can understand. It's worth dieing for.
The rest you probably already know, miss Stars. Bon Bon got locked up. There was a private funeral at the house. Yellow beat up a fan that tried to console Lyra. And I- well.
Did you know he was going to go public with his identity, miss? It's true. He was going to write to Celestia, tell her all about us and how much we loved living in Equestria. He wrote a song for it, too. I can't really do it justice, since I don't know it all. You'd have to ask Lyra for it, but here's what I know:
"- But if wishes were fishes
We all would drown in scales,
And if hope could be a rope
Then we all would surely choke
Because good intentions
Just aren't enough
And you know that
When times are tough
Not a hope
And not a prayer
Can ever compare
to what you and I can do"
- and that's all he shared with me. Like I said, you'd have to ask Lyra. Maybe Yellow, if you can track him down. I couldn't really say. The day after Blank's murder I got on the first train out of town and didn't come back. I've been on the road ever since.
It was so stupid, miss. I wish I never left my friends like that. But two of my friends were dead, and I wasn't going to stick around to see a third. Better to live with the memories, I thought.
I was an idiot.
Memories are never enough.
I can barely hold back my tears towards towards the end of the story. It had been sad enough at the time, but knowing the story behind it all makes everything worse. The murder of John Lemon was a dark day in Equestrian history, as nopony could imagine wanting to hurt somepony so nice. And the way Cart Key (the identity I now know Holly Bud to have assumed as a member of The Bugs) had simply vanished had confused everypony.
Holly Bud sighs, and rubs at his eyes with a hoof. He doesn't speak for a few moments.
"I went from band to band for a long time after that. I didn't really stick with anypony for very long. Well. Except Princess. I was with them right up until Red Mercury died. Poor guy. Didn't deserve to go out like that."
"You were in Princess too?!"
Dear readers, it strains credulity to hear such things spoken of flippantly. But there is something about Holly Bud that says he isn't lying.
"Sure. And Iron Mare, Rainbow, Fall and Oats, Corn, Blue Ice Peppers, Velvet Underground and Motley Crew. I had a busy time of things before I got tired of being in a band and became Holly Bud."
For a moment I can only gawp at Holly Bud, shocked to hear just how far spread his influence has reached over the years. I doubt anypony could have imagined such a thing possible.
"I- are you- I don't- HOW?"
Holly Bud gets a chuckle out of my disbelief.
"it happens more often than you'd think, miss Stars. Musicians migrate from band to band all thee time. Or they'll just drop out, get a job or meet a special somepony and just not want to stay. It's not an easy life, miss. Fun, but not easy."
"And you, Mr Bud? Did you ever find a special somepony?"
I don't know if changelings can blush, but if they can Holly Bud was at that moment.
"Well, not quite. There was a pony I was very fond of. A very... enthusiastic mare. I wrote a song about her."
"Really? Would you mind telling me?"
"Uhm, no. It's just- well. I guess everypony's heard it. It's Cherry Pie. To be fair to the mare in question, though, I used to think cherries were pink."
"Wait, isn't that a song about-"
"Yes. I never claimed to be very mature, miss Stars."
"Oh. Uhm. Even in the kitchen?"
"Especially in the kitchen."
"Oh. Ick. Uhm. I assume it didn't work out?"
Holly Bud sighs sadly, and shrugs.
"It might have. But she worked out what I was one day, and I panicked. I still don't know how she did it either. I was sure I didn't slip up. It's a shame. I liked being with her. Always made me smile, like she was Blank and Insidious rolled into one pony."
"I'm sure she'll be glad to know you still think of her."
"Thank you, miss Stars. I would take it as a kindness if you could actually post a letter to her for me on your way out."
"I'd be happy to, Mr Bud!"
There is a loud chime from as the guards warn us that the time allotted us is drawing to a close. Holly Bud looks annoyed.
"Pony feathers. I was hoping for a bit more time."
"Well, we'll just have to schedule a new interview after your trial! I'm sure it will go well! I understand that two of those you were touring with intend to make the trip with you?"
Holly Bud smiles widely at this.
"Yeah, Big Bopper and Strong Riches. They’re good ponies. Lyra's gonna meet me in Canterlot too, to testify on my behalf. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again."
There is another chime, and the guards begin filing in. Holly Bud and I rise slowly, the interview after what seems like hours.
"Thank you for your time, miss Stars. And hey, stick around for while if you'd like to catch a show. I got some of the other inmates together earlier, and we're going to play some music later on. We're gonna be doing some the Love Spears songs. It'll be great!"
"Love Spears? I would think that the warden wouldn't allow music like that to be played."
"Hah! If there's one thing I've learned, miss Stars, it's this: you can take away the singer, but you can't take away the song. And honey, you can't stop a song like 'Anarchy in Canterlot'!"
And with a flash of green, there sits Rotten Song, grinning mischievously.
"I'll sing in my cell I have to!"
I ended up staying for the "concert" it was every bit as amazing as you might imagine, my little ponies. Even the guards enjoyed themselves, to the extent that when lights out came they allowed it to continue well into the early hours. Unfortunately, I could not stay. I had a deadline to meet, after all.
Until next time, my little ponies.
Evening Stars