//------------------------------//
// Dirty Dreams 
// Story: More Dreams 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

As you might expect from a chapter with a name like this, the contents are rated R.  If you have a problem with that, take it up with ExtraExtrapie.  It was his idea.

“So…what is this stuff, Pinkie?”
She giggled.  “It’s Horse Lemonade, silly.”
I looked at the bottle in my hoof.  The label read “Horse Beverage Company, Canterlot.”
“So it is,” I said.  I took a swig.  “Huh.  It tastes like raisins.”
“That’s what they flavor it with,” she said.  She grabbed a bottle for herself from the mound of crates sitting in the basement.  I had no idea why she had a stockpile of the stuff.
“Why does this lemonade need extra flavor?” I asked.  “Is there something wrong with it?”
“Let’s just say that if you saw where the manufacturing takes place, you’d be horrified,” said Pinkie.
I put my bottle down.  “Where is it?”
“No, I better not show you where the lemonade is made.”  She took a sip.  “Ooh, sweet lemonade!”
“I’m leaving.”  I left my bottle behind as I exited the basement and trotted out of Sugarcube Corner.
Hearts and Hooves day was almost over.  We’d saved Big Macintosh and Cheerilee from making a huge mistake, and everything was looking up.  The setting sun cast its rays across Ponyville as I made my way back to the library.
I opened the door, and Twilight jerked her head up from a book she was reading.  Her horn was glowing, and in her surprise, she blasted me straight back out the door with magic.
I blinked, clearing the stars out of my eyes.  It felt like I had blacked out there for a second.
“Oh my gosh Valiant, are you okay?”  She ran outside to where I was picking myself up.
“What the hell…”
“I was, um, working on something and you interrupted me.”
“What could you possibly have been doing to cause that?”  I stormed back into the library and flipped over the book she’d been reading.  It was a steamy romance novel.
I glared at Twilight, whose cheeks glowed pink.  “Seriously?”
She glanced up.  “Don’t tell me you don’t feel…urges sometimes.”
“No.  No, I don’t.  You are all ponies.  Completely wrong species.  Ever since I came to Equestria, I’ve been cockblocked.”
“What does that mean?” asked Twilight.
“You’d have to be a lot older and I’d have to be a lot drunker before I’d tell you,” I said.  I turned around and began to storm out of the library, but stopped.
“Wait a minute, why did you even need magic if you were just reading a book?”
Twilight blushed again, even deeper this time.
I held up a hoof.  “Never mind.  I don’t want to know.”  I left.
Outside, I let out a deep breath.  What I wouldn’t give for one good porn mag.  Continual lack of fulfillment wasn’t the worst thing about being a pony, but it was on the list.
The worst thing about being a pony was the ears.  Jesus Christ, did those miserable bastards itch.  They practically had minds of their own, always twitching and shit.  Fuck ears.
Or rather not.  That would probably hurt.
I made my way down the street, not heading for anywhere in particular.  I noticed Berry Punch staring at me, but I paid her no mind.
Applejack was just finishing up at her booth in the market.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“Not so bad.”  She held eye contact with me a little longer than I felt was necessary.
I walked on.  A couple of mares across the street turned to look at me, although I don’t know how they knew I was there.
Passing by the town hall, the Mayor stepped out.  “Oh, hello Valiant.”
“Miss Mayor.”
“Say, could you come inside for a moment?”
I stopped.  “What for?”
“I…just wanted to talk to you.”
“Unless you’re willing to accept my offer of converting the town to safe, reliable Valiantco™ oil heating, shove off.”
“Well, maybe we can discuss it.”  There was a strange tone in her voice.  She leaned against the doorway of the town hall as if posing seductively.
I stared at her for several seconds.  “Nope.  Get away from me you creepy old lady.”  I turned and walked away.
Something was clearly wrong here.  My eyes shifted back and forth as I walked down the street.  Mares everywhere were turning to look in my direction with lust in their eyes.  The hair on the back of my neck started to go up.  A little voice in the back of my head said, You gonna get raped, boy.
By the time I got to the next block, I was moving at a full gallop.  I wasn’t being chased per se, but there was definitely a female crowd following behind.  I made it to the library and slammed the door behind me.
“Twilight!  Your spell did something to me, and now I’m irresistible!”
“Oh, I know,” she called from upstairs.  She appeared on the balcony.  “I’ve been thinking about you ever since you left."
“Oh no, this is not happening,” I said.  “Twilight, you’ve got to snap out of it.  I’m a terrible pony.  I’m the worst, snarkiest, most self-centered guy there is.”
“I’m not thinking about that right now,” said Twilight dreamily as she descended the stairs and came towards me.
“Um, what are you thinking about?” I asked.
She sidled up to me, smiling.  “I want to help you get un-cockblocked.”
I hoofed her in the face and ran outside.  Mares were gathering around, and I just barely managed to get inside the robot and take off.  By the time I reached the city limits, I was well out of range.
Figuring that Applejack was probably not home yet, I made my way to Sweet Apple acres.  Big Macintosh was the stallioniest stallion in the area.  Maybe I could get him to sacrifice himself to the teeming mass of females.
“Eenope,” he told me.
“But it’s a crowd of willing, horny mares!” I shouted at him.  “What are you, retarded?”
“What’s that racket?” said a voice.  Granny Smith stepped into the barn.
I backed up against the wall.  “Oh my God, save me Mac!”
“What are you talkin’ about?” asked Granny.  She didn’t come any closer.
“Aren’t you feeling the least bit attracted to me?” I asked.
“No!  Why in tarnation would I?  I stopped bein’ attracted to anypony when my menstrual—”
“TMI,” I said, “but what a relief.”
“Hey Valiant, what are you doin’ here?” asked Apple Bloom, coming into the barn.  Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were with her.
“I’m hiding from all the fertile mares in Ponyville,” I said.
“Gross,” said Scootaloo.
“I know, right?  Anyway, can you girls help me sneak back into Ponyville and subdue Twilight so she can reverse this crazy spell?”
“Why sneak when we have robots?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Good point.  I knew there was a reason I like you.”
We went out to our respective robots and rumbled off towards Ponyville.  The crowds of mares may have been temporary love zombies, but at least they weren’t stupid enough to get in our way and be crushed.
The Crusaders maneuvered close and Sweetie Belle shouted over the clamor of the crowd.  “They’re saying things that no filly should hear!”
“Puberty is going to hit you like a ton of bricks, kid,” I called back.  “Just concentrate on finding Twilight.”
“Here she is!” exclaimed Scootaloo.  The robotic hand plunged into the crowd and plucked out the purple unicorn.
“Oh, so you like it rough, huh?” Twilight said.
I rolled my eyes.  “Sweetie Belle, do you have something in your ninja kit to knock her out?”
“You aren’t supposed to talk about that in public!” she shouted at me.
I waved a hoof at the crowd.  “I think they’ve got other things on their mind.”
“Fine.”  Sweetie Belle threw a smoke bomb out of the robot’s cockpit.  When the cloud had cleared, the ponies in the blast radius were all unconscious.  Twilight hung limply from the robot’s metal hand, a small smile on her lips.
Sugarcube Corner was nearby.  Mr. Cake was fighting the crowd, trying to get his wife under control, so I figured the bakery was probably empty.  I got the Crusaders to help me get inside with the comatose Twilight.  They ran crowd control around the exterior of the building to keep any ponies from getting in.
It was still really noisy, though, so I dragged Twilight down the stairs to the basement.  Her head thumped against each step.
“Whew,” I sighed.  The light coming down the staircase from above helped me see the coil of rope that Pinkie kept in the basement.  I started to tie Twilight up.
The light flicked on.  “Hello Valiant.”
I froze.  That voice could only belong to one pony.  I turned slowly.
Pinkie walked towards me, wearing a more insane grin than usual.  She’d apparently been in the basement the whole time.  “Would you like to do it up or down?” she asked.
“What’s that mean?  And aren’t you a lesbian?”
She came closer.  “Standing up or lying down,” she said.  “And to answer your other question: not today.”  She smiled wider.
My back legs bumped against the crates of lemonade.  I thought about grabbing a bottle and smashing it over her head.
“Too late,” said Pinkie.  “I get to decide.  I choose…lying down!”
“Fuck that.”
“Shut up pony, get on my Horse!”  She shoved me over onto the lemonade crates and leaped on top.
There was a bright flash of light as Princess Celestia teleported into the room.
“Stop right there!  This kind of behavior has gone on long enough!”
Pinkie reluctantly got off of me.  I sighed.  “Oh my God, I thought I was done for.”
Celestia stepped over to me.  “Are you all right, Valiant?”
“Fine.  It’s been a weird day.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”  She smiled.  “Let me make it better.”
I blinked.  “What are you…”
In the instant after I realized what she meant, I took stock of my situation.  I was still lying on my back on top the crates, my legs spread wide, right in front of Celestia.  She was grinning and walking towards me.
So I kicked at her face.
You don’t get to be a thousand-year-old magical ruler without learning a few tricks.  Celestia blocked the attack with magic before it connected.  Her horn glowed, forcing my legs apart and restraining my entire body.  
You really gonna get raped, boy.
I heard a gasp from Twilight.  Apparently she had just woken up to a scene that nopony should ever see.  There was a blinding flash of magic, and I blacked out.
I slammed awake on Twilight’s couch, breathing hard.  It was morning, and I detected a distinct lack of love-crazy mares in the vicinity.
“Twilight!” I screamed.
“What?” She appeared from the balcony, looking sleepy.
“Did Celestia violate me?  Did you?”
“What are you talking about, Valiant?”
“You can’t tell me that that didn’t just happen!”
“What, you getting knocked out by magic?  I’m really sorry about that.”
“But what was that in the basement of Sugarcube Corner?”
“Nothing that I know of.  You’ve been there on the couch since I accidentally hit you with that spell yesterday.”
“So…there was no lust-crazed crowd of mares trying to get intimate with my nethers?”
Twilight rolled her eyes.
I collapsed back on the couch.  “Oh my God.  I was in real fear for my virginity there for a while.”
“You’re weird, Valiant.”
“At least I don’t get all my romance from novels.”
She smirked at me.  “If only you knew.”
“Wait, what?”