Chapter 34: The Incredible Decahedron of Destiny
Class started a bit worse than usual. The whole herding thing came back to bite me in the ass when Blueblood met me and Twilight at the door. The last time I managed to get him off my back by saying me and Twilight were a couple, but with the new rules in play… Well, he went on and on about how, as the most eligible bachelor in Canterlot, it would be our honor, not his, to be shown a good time by him. This was followed by a few comments that left Twilight fuming, and Blueblood twitching from a rather explosive teleport that sent him to the top row of the classroom after he fell down from the ceiling.
It took me a few minutes to put myself right after being offered to be shown a good time by a ‘real’ stallion like him. Since, you know, neither of us had been given such an honor in our life.
Or maybe it was the fact that he had also said it to Twilight that really got to me a put a bit of a knot in my stomach. Sure Twilight had zapped him away to the top of the room and let him drop to the desks on the far back, but hell, anyone in their right minds would have done the same. I had been Smelling ponies long enough to work out what Scent was what, and what I got off Blueblood wasn’t anything even approaching love, or even that much lust. As far as I could tell, he just wanted to get with an alicorn because Twilight was an alicorn, and I looked like one. We were a boost to his reputation, a notch in his belt, proof that he actually deserved be called the most desirable stallion in Equestria.
But, Blueblood and his ego and the stupid crap he said, that meant nothing to me at all. It wasn’t worth worrying over when I had bigger things to deal with. Shortly after I came in, Sunny Skies and Trixie showed up, right behind Shining and Cadence. The last of whom had royal permission (signed by one Princess Cadenza) to observe a class at CSGU. Sunset had been in the room from the start, her changeling escort waiting outside.
Then came the fifteen minute setup and explanations, followed by a lot of number crunching, dice rolling, and whispers between the royal siblings.
“All right, does every pony understand the basic rules?” I asked while sitting behind my large teacher’s desk with my short stack of core and expansion rule books next to me along with the adventuring scenario that the pony who ran the Golem’s Dungeon and Mini-Caricature Shop described as the Worst Adventure Ever had made. But, he had still made it according to my specifications, complete with house rules, so I was good.
I had my my cardboard shield placed across my desk for its mystical uses more than the mundane ones. The ponies had truly surpassed humanity in regards to cardboard GM shields. Whereas the pathetic humans could only fit fixed information on theirs, the advantage of magic had made the display in front of me equal to any computer display in regards to the data pertaining to the subjects it was connected to. On top of which, there was its special magic that would be activate later.
Positioned around the room, Twilight, Shining Armor, Blueblood, Trixie, and the unnaturally tall unicorn with a pink mane 'Sunny Skies' (AKA Celestia, the Alicorn of the Sun, sexiest pony alive, or just Tia to the ponies wanting to do her) sat filling out sheets of paper while Sunset Shimmer and Cadence just stared at the sight from their places beside me in confusion.
“You know,” the human spoke up as she crossed her arms and frowned at me. “When you said you needed my help with something, I didn’t think it was to run an Oubliettes and Ogres game!”
Next to the human, a pink alicorn looked over to her husband sitting on the first row. “Shining, this better not be what you’ve been doing every week you come to Canterlot,” Cadence said to him. “You make the crystal guard waste enough time doing this enough already.”
Shining Armor looked up from the book he was sharing with Twilight. “Those are mock battle simulations! Besides, it’s a proven fact that tabletop roleplaying games promote problem solving, cooperation with a group, resource management, and many other skills that help a pony be successful in life!”
“Ironically,” Trixie said as her attention was drawn away from the paper in front of her. “It appeals most to the type of pony never to be in a group, hasn’t much in the way of resources, or have much of a life to begin with.”
The roundabout insult caused the showmare to receive a glare from Twilight. “Hey!”
I cleared my throat. “Okay girls, settle down,” I told her before looking over to Cadence. “And I wanted to do something else, but Princess Celestia said it was far too dangerous and if I was actually serious about going through with it, then I needed to get professional help.”
Personally, I didn’t see what the big deal was. Twilight had handled the little space bear when she was just a unicorn. The mother and child couldn’t be that bad. And...I needed a new trophy for my throne room if Spike was coming back. Having a dragon head visible right when someone entered the castle, well...it might have helped to give him the wrong idea about me, I’ll admit.
From her place in the center of the seating, little Tia’s eyes narrowed. “Pardon teacher, but in my job as a royal secretary, I saw your proposal to have us all awaken the star bears in their cave and then have to deal with the repercussions,” the princes replied. “So, I believe Princess’s Celestia’s estimation of your idea was a prudent one.”
Ignoring the princess, I looked back to my guests. “Now, if you’re going to sit in on the class, you have to participate in the activity. Do you have your characters ready?”
“Yes,” both the girls said as they raised their sheets of paper. One using magic, the other her fingers.
A hoof in the back of the room went up, and I looked across the numerous desks to the stallion with the two black eyes. “Blueblood, I swear if you ask me and Twilight to join your royal herd again, that little trip Twilight gave you will be nothing compared to what I do to your male anatomy.”
The prince cleared his throat. “No, it’s in response to your question. I think I have the basic idea, though it still seems strange to me,” Blueblood mumbled as he dropped his pencil on the long row-desk he sat at, “a roleplaying game where you have to survive completely ordinary problems in an adult pony’s life? Doesn't that sound kind of boring?”
“I like the idea,” Tia spoke up. “Much better than how it’s usually done with how ponies pretend to be powerful warriors that fight skeletons, storm goblins and all kinds of monsters while they hunt for treasure. More realistic too.”
Twilight let out a snort. “You’ve obviously never been to Ponyville. Living there kind of ruined this game for me,” the alicorn said before scribbling on her character sheet, “we don't need to have pretend games for things you can easily do in real life.”
“Hence why I use them to simulate problems in the Crystal Empire,” Shining said.
“That's…” Cadence sighed as she gave up the point, “okay, yeah. I’ll give you a point there. It might have some uses if you can make it mirror real life.”
Sunset let out a groan. “Oh please. These things have nothing to do with real life!” she said before holding up her character sheet. “Normally, becoming a lawyer takes years of expensive schooling, not fifteen minutes with a source book like the one I just did. By the way, just what are everybody’s classes?”
“Trixie is a magician.”
I groaned and slumped. “No, Trixie, what is your character’s class?”
The Great and Powerful Trixie’s face scrunched up a bit and...it kind of made her look adorably hot. Adorable because, well...she was a pony after all. The hot probably came from all that time hauling her cart around. It had given her a much better figure than Twilight. Plus, the way her hair was fixed up was an obvious tactic to make her horn look a little longer, which was sexy on unicorns. If it wasn't for her past and kind of annoying voice, and some kind of rivalry she was still trying to start up with Twilight in the class despite how hopelessly outgunned she was, I might have had a problem resisting her charms.
And then she spoke, breaking me out of my mental examination of the sexy little magician. “Trixie told you, she made a magician.”
“I chose a teacher!” Tia said brightly before I could continue the argument. From the looks of things, the goddess was already enjoying herself greatly.
A glow of purple surrounded Twilight’s paper as she held it up. “I’m a librarian.”
“Civic legionare,” Shining said. “It was as close to a paladin that I could find.”
Blueblood let out a sniff. “Politician.”
“Councilor of Marriage,” Cadence told me.
As the last of the classes were called out, I looked around at the ponies that had basically chosen to create fantasy characters based on themselves, with the exception of Sunset Shimmer. “Seriously? Sunset was the only one who made a character that wasn’t a carbon copy of herself?”
“Hey!” Blueblood protested. “Elected officials are nothing like those of royal blood!”
Shining Armor let out a snort. “Yeah, they have to be competent to get their jobs, and stay that way to keep them,” he said before a little bit of hesitation entered his expression. “Well, in theory anyway.”
Twilight’s head tilted in the universal body language to show confusion. “I thought this simulation was to be connected to us in some way, and the sourcebook restrictions you gave us don’t include archmages, princesses, and the scientist class didn’t have very good starting equipment.”
“And I was planning on becoming a lawyer back when I lived with humans,” Sunset chimed in.
As I groaned and prepared to hit my head against my desk, a rather loud strike of hooves from farther back and up in the hall made us all look up to the rather angry pink-haired unicorn that was Celestia’s disguise. “YOU WHAT?” she shouted. “What kind of-that’s just… No daughter of Celestia’s should ever have such a disreputable profession!”
Trixie looked down at the human in confusion. “Say what?”
“Oh yeah,” Twilight told her with a bit of an edge to her voice. “Princess Celestia adopted Sunset Shimmer a few weeks ago.” Then, the princess turned her attention to Tia. “Although, I’m wondering how you knew about something like that.”
‘Sunny Skies’ rolled her eyes. “Pardon me Princess Twilight, but I am Princess Celestia’s personal secretary. Nothing goes out of her office without me knowing about it, especially paperwork.”
“And you're taking a class geared towards military applications?” the purple princess went on.
To which Tia replied, “Do you have any idea the amount of sensitive information I have in my head? Self-defense is practically a job requirement.”
Then, she turned back to look at Sunset with a frown. “And don’t think just talking to her makes me forget about you and that occupation!”
“Hey! Civil law is plenty respectable!" the former pony protested. “It’s essentially stealing from and humiliating people while explaining how you're completely justified in doing so! It’s hard work!”
Twilight gave Sunset a deadpan look. “What happened to that new leaf you were turning over?”
In response, Sunset rolled her eyes. “Just cause humans don’t get cutie marks doesn’t mean they don’t get railroaded on a certain path in life too you know,” she said before shrugging. “It’s what I know, so it’s what I’m picking.”
I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention. “Okay, guys. What’re your alignments?”
“That’s another thing that confuses me,” Shining spoke up as he met me eye to eye. “These aren't the usual O&O alignments.”
“This version has a much more realistic system,” I explained to him. “While the whole chaotic to lawful may work on paper, real life is way more complex, and the supplement provided in this expansion accounts for that.”
“Trixie shall be neutral,” the unicorn announced.
Twilight nodded. “Same here.”
“I’ll be neutral was well,” Celestia told me.
“Me too,” Sunset said.
“Ditto,” Cadencespoke.
Blueblood let out a groan. “Well, as my class must select an alignment, I shall go with...ultra-conservative,” the unicorn said after studying the book in front of him. “The ethics and beliefs seem to be quite agreeable.”
“Radical liberal,” Shining Armor announced.
I frowned at him. “Did you chose that because Blueblood did the other?”
Shining Armor gave me an offended look. “Hey! I take my RPGs very seriously!”
Cadene sighed and shook her head. “It’s true, he really does.”
“And my character has an intelligence score of four!” Shining went on right on top of Cadence. “That alignment is the only one that makes sense for him.”
Not wanting to get into it with Shining Armor over semantics, I let out a sigh and pulled out the ten-sided die to start the game. “Okay then, is every pony ready to start?” I asked.
Once all the ponies had given their responses, which was a chorus of yeses, I tossed the ten-sided object into the air using my hoof. The die rose into the air and began to glow with a faint magical light that spoke of its enchanted nature.
I saw Twilight’s eyes widen out of the corner of my eye, and looked down at her as the terrified purple pony princess began to speak. “You got us a RPG with a LARPing enchantment on it?” she shouted in a panicked voice.
“Twilight?” I asked while the rest of the ponies in the room looked down at her in concern. “What’s wrong?”
The princess’s attention turned to the paper in front of her. “I need to make a quick change to my character!” she said before grabbing her quill in her magic and lifting it up.
But, the die’s magic activated a second after she did, and all the ponies in the room except for me disappeared in a bright flash of light. As it did, I looked down at the GM shield as its magic activated, giving me an...awareness of what was going on in the pocket dimension that had been created in which the game to run in. Everything looked as if it had gone smoothly, and...I frowned at the oddity of Twilight’s character.
Oh, so that’s what she meant, I thought to myself before beginning the game with the introductory narration.
On the bright and cheery morning of Saturday, the day you all share as a day off from your respective professions, the lot of you emerge from the rooms you rent at about the same time from the house you’re all currently staying in. As the sleepiness fades away and brings you all into a more wakeful state you-My Voice of Narration was quickly cut off as the players adjusted to the scene change and...
“AAAAAAAAAAHHH!” Trixie screamed as she looked at herself to see the slender young woman dressed in blue pajamas that she had become. Fingers wiggled on the young woman’s hands as she held them up before looking herself over, and falling on her ass as she stumbled back in horror. “Trixie’s hooves! What have you done to Trixie’s wonderful hooves?”
The slightly older human woman clad only in a white t-shirt with pink hair and pale skin turned her head back to look at her butt for a few seconds, then turned her attention to her chest before placing her hands over her boobs. “Definitely smaller.”
“My horn!” Blueblood shrieked while the blonde pretty boy felt the top of his head. “What happened to my beautiful horn! Do you have any idea how many extension potions went into making it what it was?”
Shining Armor moved his body around slowly as he examined the differences in what he had become. Like his pony form, the transformed unicorn was powerfully built, but not quite muscular. “So this is why you didn’t let us choose a race,” he said before looking to the woman in the pink shirt next to him. “Cadence?”
The former alicorn that had now sported a perfect hourglass figure of generous proportions picked her head up from her own examinations and looked over to the man with the blue hair in similar dress. “Well, this is interesting,” she mumbled before her expression scrunched up a little while she apparently studied Shining Armor as a human.
“Okay, now I understand why you wanted me to come over,” Sunset mumbled as she looked at the rest of the humans with a bit of apprehension in her stance, and on her face. Sunset sighed and slowly turned her gaze to the area across the hall. “Me and Twilight are probably the only ones that know anything about...T-TWILIGHT?”
Twilight grunted, and glowered back at the redhead with the golden highlights. “Not. One. Word. Sunset,” the former unicorn replied in a voice that was so much deeper than normal.
As all the newly humanized ponies looked over to Twilight Sparkle, the once again human looked away from the others.
“Princess Twilight? Where are your human teats?” Celestia asked.
“Uh...well...some humans just don’t have them,” Twilight replied in a very uncomfortable tone.
After taking a look at the others, Trixie let out a snort as she looked down at her own rack. “You mean these strange mounds on Trixie’s chest?” she grumbled before looking up at Cadence’s impressive rack, then to her own, and over to Twilight’s. “Why could Trixie not have Twilight’s...subspecies of unencumbered….whatever we are.”
Sunset snickered. “Because Twilight’s subspecies is male,” she got out before bursting into laughter.
Aforementioned male glared at Sunset. “Well the point of RPGs is to explore other options!” he shouted. “So...I...just...balanced out the idea of a simulation with that as well!”
Celestia crossed her arms and smirked. “Yes, and the fact you live with a creature that can alter his gender at will and is choosing to be pure female at the moment hasn’t made you a little curious?”
Judging by the blush on Twilight’s cheeks and he was he was tapping two of his fingers together, I was guessing that was indeed the case. “Okay well...maybe a little,” he admitted before looking over to Cadence with a frown. “But Fae has enough problems with her gender as it is! I’m not going to go asking her questions that make her feel too uncomfortable.”
Thank you for that. I mean it, seriously. I knew how much curiosity could make Twilight do some crazy things, and the fact that she hadn’t done anything emotionally scarring to me in order to sate that curiosity...it was one of those rare moments where I got a little flutter in my heart.
Twilight blushed and...well, if he hadn’t been a guy right then and there, it might have been cute. As it was, I was just slightly disturbed.
Okay so, moving on.
Trixie frowned. “Where does that voice keep coming from?”
Me. I’m the GM, and that means I’m the narrator.
“And why are we humans?” Twilight demanded.
Because this class is about dealing with challenges you might or might not face one day, one of which is being without access to magic, and the other is having to deal with the compete unknown. This simulation fulfills both those requirements. And don’t you dare say that you’ve never had to deal with anything like this before!
Cadence giggled as she wiggled her fingers in front of her face. “Oh lighten up Twilight! I think this is pretty interesting,” she said before turning her attention back to her falangies. "This things...Sunset, how do you do that snapping sound you showed me back at the Empire?"
Can we get started now?
“Actually, I do have one question,” Celestia spoke up. “Knowing you…”
What’s that supposed to mean?
“There’s probably some inherent danger,” she went on. “So, what happens if one of us...becomes deathly injured?”
Ugh. Players that have fatal wounds are knocked unconscious and removed from play until the event is over from either the task being completed, failed, or everyone dying. Can we get started now?
With a few sighs and a chorus of yeses, I began the game.
It's Saturday morning. Those of you that have professions with ordinary working hours have the day off. By coincidence, you all emerge from your rooms more-or-less simultaneously from the house you all rent rooms in.
"Wait, we all live together? Why does my lawyer have to be housemates with these people? Don't I make way more than the rest of them?" Sunset asked.
You're only level one, Sunset. That puts you in the same income bracket. The same goes for you too Blueblood, you have yet to establish the connections needed for off the books donations to increase your income level.
“But that's totally unrealistic!” the slightly more real human than the rest of the humans complained as she glared up at the ceiling where I supposedly was when in fact I was more like all around them, and still sitting outside on my desk. If not for the fact that I underwent the same thing with Tia every night, I might have found the experience to be very confusing.
Oh, get over it! Now hush, I've barely started. All of a sudden, the pangs of hunger assault you all.
All the not-ponies looked down at their stomachs. Cadence was the one who spoke. “Well, I do feel a bit of a tickle.”
For crying out loud, the game isn’t going to make you all feel actual pain! But you’ve got to feel something that’s a little debilitating.
“Fine, let’s go to the kitchen,” Shining said before, for some reason I couldn’t discern, got down on his hands and knees.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Wow, did I really look like that when I first went biped?”
More or less.
After looking up from the ground, Shing turned his attention to his sister-turned-brother. “Am I doing it wrong?” he asked. Then he looked at himself for a moment, and adjusted himself to stand on his feet and hands, if rather uncomfortably.
“Did his intelligence score actually affect his brain?” Sunset asked as she looked at Shining Armor. “Because he’s seen me walk around before. I know he has.”
Cadence giggled. “Plus, it kind of looks like you’re presenting,” she she said before moving forward...and quickly fell flat on her face with a cry of surprise.
“Now who looks stupid?” Shining asked with a smirk.
“...oh shut up,” the girl with the ice cream hair grumbled.
Twilight sighed and facepalmed. “Okay everypony, how about this…”
Sunset steadied Cadence as the slightly shorter girl held onto the princess with an escort grip on her arm. Despite the fact I could see a slightly uneasy look on Sunset’s face, Cadence was giving her a warm and thankful smile. The exchange told me there had to of been something going on between the two of them, and I really wished I had been doing more snooping on the matter the last time we had been in the Empire.
Sure Sunset had said she hadn’t involved herself with Cadence back in the day, but...they had to have had some kind of interaction when they both lived at the castle.
Twilight took care of his brother, and I was a little surprised to find that Twilight was the taller of the two, if just by a little.
Trixie ended up in the hands of ‘Sunny Skies’, which of course raised a few red flags.
“So how do you know how to walk as a human?” Twilight asked while he and Shiny shuffled down the hallway.
For an instant, Celestia force up and looked around nervously.
Trixie stepped forward and let out a little blow of air through her nose. “It is obvious that Trixie’s assistant a skilled a capable mare!” she exclaimed.
“Assistant?” Celestia mumbled to herself a second before Trixie continued.
“After all, is she not the personal secretary to Princess Celestia? She must be able to adapt to a multitude of things!”
After giving the tall woman with the pink hair a discerning look, Twilight shrugged. “Eh, suppose it’s not that hard to figure out,” she admitted.
“Well in that case leave your common-born of a brother and assist me!” Blueblood cried out back in the hall where all the others had left him.
A dark look crossed Twilight’s face for a moment, and then he looked up at the ceiling. “Hey Fae, can I ask you something?”
What?
“Is this exercise also some kind of contest in which only one of us can pass with a perfect score?” he asked with a little frown.
I didn’t know whether to be proud of my little pony, or disturbed she already thought so little of me that such a thing could be considered so quickly.
...what makes you ask that?
“Previous knowledge of you and your teaching methods that have already run off one student,” Twilight deadpanned. “Not counting all the others you got rid of on the first day.”
...then the answer is maybe.
Twilight nodded in obvious thought. “In that case, can we work in teams?”
I was a little surprised and thankful my sigh didn’t carry over to the game world and...well… Okay, as a human male, Twilight really didn’t have the power of cuteness to win me over with anything, and I would either need to block out the next two hours of my life out from my memory, or figure out a way to turn it into one hell of a funny story for our next group dinner as to laugh at the horror of a human Twilight Sparkle that was male. But what me and Twilight had went beyond the power of cute ponies and...she could still make me do whatever the hell she wanted, even as a guy.
Fine, teams are allowed. Hell, the end result of your scores will be based of your XP anyway. So it's not like it matters.
“Team Trixie and Assistant!” the magician called out. “You can only be on this time if you are Trixie, or her assistant!”
Twilight raised his hand, holding Shining’s wrist up as well. “Team Brother’s in Arms!” he called out. “You can only be on this team if your brothers, and have arms.”
“Team Royal...DAMNIT!” Sunset cursed before she punched the nearby wall.
And so after Sunset managed to teach Blueblood to walk on two legs...
As I was saying...as is normal first thing in the morning, you make your way to the shared kitchen for breakfast, where you find the first obstacle of the day: the fridge is completely barren!
I watched as everyone blinked at the scene change as the world around them shifted from the hallway to kitchen, and they turned to look at the empty fridge.
Sunset looked up at the ceiling, and I really started to wonder if I should tell them my view was more omnipresent than above them. “Breakfast? That’s our challenge? Really?”
From his place beside her, Blueblood let out a snort. “What a waste of time. You servant girls, go get me the food. I shall remain behind and await your return in my bed.”
Apparently, Blueblood was completely ignored as the man with the purple hair looked over to Sunset. “Hey!” Twilight exclaimed. “Finding food in the human world when they didn’t provide it at the cafeteria was hard!”
A quick mental image of Twilight giving dumpster diving for her dinner passed through my head, and I shuddered. Really don’t wanna know.
“If it wasn’t for Spike, I would have starved!” the former alicorn went on, giving me an even more disturbing image of the dog roasting on a spit.
Sunset smacked a fist into her palm. “Good idea Twilight, let’s eat Blueblood!”
The unicorn prince that had been born into royalty blanched. “W-What?”
“I knew you can eat meat but… Humans are cannibals?” Twilight asked with a frown.
Sunset shrugged. “Normally, no. But there have been instances in humanity’s past where they have devoured each other to survive in an emergency situation. They call it a Donner Party. Just um...don't tell Pinkie. She'll probably try and turn us into cupcakes or something if she learns about it.”
“This isn't an emergency, it's breakfast!” Celestia pointed out.
“Well, these things are all relative, and here, I’m a lawyer. I’m sure I can swing it in a human court,” Sunset replied with a shrug. “Plus, I’m kind of rooting on Sunny Skies, and getting him out of the way means less competition for her.”
The woman with the pink hair blinked. “Oh...that’s um...rather nice, I guess.”
“But you’re on my team!” the prince whined before looking over to the other human that was a biped thanks to the game. “Cadence help!”
After a moment of consideration, the princess stepped up and stood side by side with Sunset. “Well, me and my cousin aren’t really doing this for a grade so...I’m going to have to back Sunset up on this one. If for different reasons. I’m doing it for Twilight and Shiny.”
Sunset looked over to Cadence with surprise on her face. “Cousin?”
“You’re Celestia’s daughter and I’m her niece,” she replied with a little smile. “What else would you call us?”
Blueblood stomped his foot, nearly falling over in the process. “Oh please! You’re just some flash in the pan alicorn Celestia raised up because you had a moment of luck before she shoved you off to an arctic exile and some piece of trash unicorn that should have fell into the gutter when her parents died!” he shouted while pointing a finger at the two of them. “You’re not her real daughter, or her niece! The two of you are just a charity case and Celestia's new freakish pet! I’m the only pony here with a drop of royal blood in them! The only reason you have anything is because that nag gave it to you!”
While Sunset and Cadence looked at the blonde man with wide eyes, Celestia’s narrowed at her nephew. Then she spoke so low only I could hear. “Oh, you and I are going to have words tonight little boy.”
The entire room was silent for a moment, and then Shining Armor cleared his throat. “Well, being a civic guardsman, I think I need to protest this whole regicide plot,” he said before grumbling. "Even if he does deserve it."
Sunset looked over to the police character for a moment, and I watched as her look became thoughtful. “Oh right, you’re a cop,” she said before looking back to Blueblood for a second, and then to Shiny. Then, her face brightened. “I was just rehearsing for a play.”
“No you weren’t!” Blueblood accused her. “You were planning to murder me! I should have you arrested the second we leave this place!”
“It’s a game you idiot,” Sunset deadpanned before she smirked. “And I was just rehearsing for a play. Right Sunny?”
Blueblood glared at them. “Plays are not that violent!”
From the sidelines, Celestia piped in. “From what I understand, humans find violence quite entertaining. So such lines could have easily been in one of their plays or movies,” she said before coughing nervously. “You know, because um...Princess Celestia had to inform the guards what happens when she sleeps.”
Twilight groaned. “Can we just get on with this?”
“Yes!” Blueblood agreed. “Now do your duty and arrest them!”
After looking back and forth between Sunset and Blueblood, Shining settled his gaze on the male human. “Well, my character is pretty dumb, and lawyers are excellent negotiators while everypony knows not to trust a politician,” he said. “So, I’m going to have to believe Sunset’s side of things. But that means you can’t actually murder him in front of me.”
From the corner of the kitchen where she and Celestia were standing, Trixie looked around. “Besides, it does not look like we have the proper equipment to do away with the competition,” she said while looking at the pajamas she was in.
Shining frowned, and looked up at the ceiling. “Hey, just what is our starting equipment anyway?”
I let out a sigh.
With no food in sight, a trip to the local supermarket is needed, so after cleaning up and getting dressed, you all make it outside in full gear. Trixie, as a magician your equipment has several special properties which you are more than familiar with, but keep a small manual in your pocket with instructions. Sunny Skies is dressed in a cheap business suit with a purse containing a few pens, a ruler, rubber bands, and a calculator. Shining, you have full tactical gear including armor and a...uh...boom stick. Twilight, you’ve also got a cheap suit on, as well as a...um...well, the best way to describe it would be a...window to infinite information.
“Seriously?” Sunset demanded in her more expensive business suit. “She gets an iPad? What the hell do I get?”
Shining Armor looked at the weapon in his hands. “And can I get some different gear?” Shining asked. as he looked down at his SWAT vest. “I mean look at this. I’m wearing padded armor, and I’m carrying around a stupid stick as a weapon instead of a sword.”
The lawyer facepalmed at the policeman as he held up his shotgun by the barrel as if it was a grip. “Just what the hay kind of club is this anyway?”
Sunset, you get a car, quit complaining.
“But I don’t know how to drive!” she protested.
You’re a teenager. How could you not know how to drive?
Sunset crossed her arms and glared at the sky, which I guess meant me. “All that talk about horsepower they’re supposed to have inside of them, those things freak me out! I always took the bus when I needed to go somewhere.”
Well...great, but the car’s still yours. Now, as for the rest of you...
After I got done, naming off everyone else’s equipment, which only gave Cadence a nice sundress a purse and a notepad while Blueblood got a nice suit and a letter opener, Sunset led the group to the nearest bus stop, which just happened to be a block away from the house they were staying in. Before they got there, Shining decided to discard his ‘padded armor’ and much too tiny ‘police shield’ as it was much too small to block arrows, and the armor was too constraining.
As the bus turned the corner, conveniently right after Twilight and Sunset got done explaining to everyone what was expected of them, Sunset let out a startled gasp. “Oh my Celestia, what’s that?” she shouted while pointing at something on their left, the opposite direction the bus was coming from while I rolled some dice.
Twilight rolled his eyes. “Oh please Sunset, like we’re going to fall for-”
Actually I just rolled a skill check, and Sunset’s Bluff skill is high enough that you all turn to look at what’s going on.
“Buck,” Twilight grumbled before looking to his right.
As the group did like they were told, Sunset got an attack of opportunity, and silently pushed Blueblood down onto the street a few seconds before the bus came to a stop...on top of him. There was a brief spout of laughter from Blueblood, and then the player character vanished in a flash of bright light.
“Sunset!” Twilight exclaimed.
The redhead looked over to Shining Armor. “I was the only one that saw what happened. He tripped. It was a total tragedy.”
“My character is stupid enough to buy that,” Shining Armor replied while the door for the bus opened.
Then, as soon as Shining Armor got on the bus behind the others, one of the humans in the back seat let out a cry of terror. “Look out, he’s got a gun!”
You arrive at the street the supermarket is on FINALLY. As the bus shakes and sputters to the stop, one of its axles snaps in two and a tire promptly falls out of the wheel well and rolls off into the street.
Twilight waded over the unconscious and bloodless bodies of humans since the games rating was PG-13, and looked at the driver. “I am so so so so sorry for the inconvenience.”
And for my diplomacy roll, you get... Huh. Twenty. Okay so...he won't report you to the authorities or make you pay for the bus that was blasted full of holes from Shining Armor’s boomstick.
“I didn’t know that’s what this stupid thing did!” Shining protested as he waved around his now empty shotgun that had managed to knock out several windows and put a few holes in the thing before he had to resort to using it as a club, his spare shots still on his SWAT vest back at the house.
Further back on the bus, I saw Sunset let out a snort. “Us pay for it? I could have the entire company buried for having inadequate riot control mechanisms installed! These vehicles are CLEARLY a psychological threat to their occupants!”
Shining Armor looked down at the nearly ruined end of his shotgun that he had used to club everyone on the bus unconscious tanks to all his shot being wasted on windows and floors, and then put it in the holster across his back.
“Trixie wishes to search the bodies,” the magician spoke up. “Might Trixie search the bodies?”
Next to her partner, Celestia raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal,” she said before turning her attention to their group’s lawyer. “Right?”
“Depends on how much of a cut I get,” the girl admitted, “It’s a game so, I can probably make a lot of things legal for the right price and with a few lucky dice rolls.”
Twilight looked over to Sunset with a frown. “You know Sunset, I'm really starting to wonder about that reformed thing.”
The question got a hurt look from Sunset for a second, and then the girl rolled her eyes and groaned. “Oh come on! Twilight, it’s a game! Go crazy, have fun! Relieve some stress! Do stuff you’ve always wanted to!” she exclaimed before looking down at the mass of unconscious humans and snagging a wallet full of cash.
“Seems like he’s doing that cousin. Considering Twilight wanted to be a guy-”
“IT WAS JUST A LITTLE SCRIBBLE ON A PIECE OF PAPER CADENCE!” the male exclaimed. “I didn’t actually think I’d turn into a male! And another thing, this is NOTHING like what happened when I actually went to the human world. I slept in a library, had to use a weird bathroom, and stole food from some automated dispensers for dinner after Spike talked me into it! I didn’t do anything like this!”
Shining sighed, put his hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “Okay Twilight, okay. Just use that thing of yours to bring up a map and we can get going.”
As I watched the scene unfold, I felt kind of bad for Twilight’s reaction and started to just Deus Ex Machina his gender problem away, but...then the random encounter warning went off.
Oh hey, you guys have traveled so far, a group of enemies have waylaid your path.
Sunset frowned in the wrong direction my screen was showing me the action as I shook the numbered shaped in my magic. “Seriously? A random encounter in a human city. What is it? A hobo? Protestors? Gay pride parade?”
Umm, according to the dice roll… Wolves. Apparently, not everything was made to my specifications.
As the monsters appeared from out of nowhere with snarling teeth and thick fur, Sunset blanched. “This is so wrong.”
Shining Armor sighed and lifted his empty shotgun like a club. “Okay, everypony behind me,” he announced in a tired voice.
Either not hearing him, or just deciding to be suicidal, the magician of the group stepped in front of Shining Armor. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will handle this!”
“Trixie,” Twilight groaned. “We already explained on the bus when you tried to turn me into a frog, your magic is just a bunch of cheap parlor tricks here and-what’re you doing?”
At the front of the formation, Trixie reached into her hat and pulled out a rabbit. She held the creature aloft by its ears for a moment, waving it around in front of the wolves. “Look at the bunny! Look at the bunny! Now go get it!” she said before flinging the rabbit into the nearby street.
One dice roll, two minutes, three car wrecks, and four road kill wolves later, Trixie stood with a superior smirk on her face. “Trixie has had to cross through the woods many a time, and knows how to deal with such creatures.”
The disbelieving expression on Twilight’s face became a little ill. “Please tell me you don’t feed wild animals like that all the time.”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “Of course not! A simple come to life spell on a rabbit toy stuffed with sleeping powder works just as well, but after Sunset’s demonstration of the dangers of this black road, Trixie knew exactly how to take care of such a situation.”
“I can’t believe that worked,” Celestia mumbled.
Sunset snorted. “Why not? Makes about as much sense as everything else around here,” she said before looking over to her mother-in-disguise, her expression hesitant. “Um, look...about Blueblood.”
“I understand your anger over what he said, and I’ll have a talk with him later.”
The teenage girl sighed. “Somehow, that doesn’t fill me with confidence,” she said before grabbing Celestia’s arm. “Now come on, I’ve got an idea that’ll let you and Trixie come out on top in all of this.”
Celestia gave her daughter a confused look, and the followed the others down the street and towards the convenience store. “Well, I don’t really want to win this thing...if it is even a contest. I mean, we can all help to cook a meal.”
In the other group, the married couple looked on as Twilight scrolled through his display. “This thing really is amazing, it has everything we need to know including...oh, recipes!”
“Twilight, I’ve been cooking since before...well...before we met,” Cadence told the currently male alicorn-turned-human. “I already know what we should buy.”
Sunset turned to look at her mom for a moment, and then back to Shining Armor. “Okay fine. Hey Shining Armor, hold up a second!”
After discarding his shotgun into the trashcan outside, Shining Armor’s presence inside the convenience store does not cause a panic, allowing you all to find most of the ingredients Cadence and Twilight wrote down for you all to look for, using the knowledge he gained from his tablet and her cooking expertise.
“Most of?” Cadence asked.
“Human grocery stores don’t have hay Cadence,” Sunset told her before she looked to the cashier and her eyes drifted to something behind the bland human that served as the checkout cashier in the tobacco isle. “Oh, and I’d like a box of cigarettes too.”
Celestia looked over to Sunset with a frown. “Ciga-what?”
“It’s just something my foster parents told me not to do or they’d...kick me out of the house back in human land,” Sunset admitted with a wince as Celestia cleared her throat and looked away in embarrassment. “So, I might a well try them now.”
After getting the box of items, and then remembering to also purchase a lighter, Sunset led the others out of the store before she lit up and took a breath. After a few seconds, she breathed out some smoke and frowned. “Huh. Well that was disappointing.”
“What is that?” Celestia asked.
Sunset looked back to her currently pink-haired human mom. “Well, its supposed to be some sort of human drug to help calm the nerves and make you feel better...I think. But...I don’t feel any different.”
“Let me try,” she said before holding out her hand and taking the item in question when Sunset offered it to her. Then, Celestia took a puff and shrugged. “Nope, still slightly annoyed at my…uh, Blueblood.”
Okay um...Sunset, you saved against the poison. Sunny...you just contracted cancer.
There was a moment of stunned silence as Sunset’s eyes widened. WHAT?”
Celestia frowned and turned her attention to Sunset. “What’s cancer?”
Looking up from his tablet, Twilight gave Celestia a sympathetic look. “Um...you probably don’t want to know,” he mumbled.
“Cigarettes cause cancer?” Sunset shouted. “Since when do cigarettes cause cancer?”
What do you mean since when? Since forever! Didn’t you think there was a reason your sub parents warned you not to use them? There’s a Surgeon General’s warning on the bottom of every box.
On the sidelines, Trixie looked over to Twilight’s ipad. “Does your classes special item say what the cure is?”
“Cancer doesn’t have a cure!” Sunset shouted at the humans gathered around Twilight before she looked up into the sky. “And what the hell are you talking about? Surgeon General is just a made up character for marketing!”
No he’s not! The Surgeon General is a real position! He or she is the head of public health services, and...well...I know there’s a military part to it too but I don’t really remember it off the top of my head. Not having instant access to Wikipedia through a smart phone really sucked.
Then Twilight joined in the sky watching. “Uh Fae. Surgeon General is a cartoon caricature in health comics for foals, telling them to brush their teeth and go to bed on time.”
For a second, a smirk of amusement crossed Celestia’s face, and then she turned it into one of panic. “Would you stop arguing about that and help me already? I’m apparently dying over here!”
“Well actually, according to what this says, cancer takes-” Twilight got out before I Narrated.
Sunny Skies has lost five HP due to cancer.
Celestia collapsed in a fit of giggles while Sunset’s face turned to one of panic. “Somebody save her!”
“But-but,” Twilight said as h scanned his ipad. “I don’t know how, this stupid thing doesn’t tell me how to fight the infection!”
After a few moments of reading Twilight’s ipad, the magician stepped forward. “All right then, since it's come to this,” Trixie said grimly, “The Great and Powerful Trixie draws her saw for the cutting ponies in two trick.”
As Trixie’s body followed her decree, Sunset looked over to her in alarm. “How is that supposed to help?”
“Sunny Skies is Trixie’s assistant, and thus under her protection. If this foul thing would do her harm, then Trixie shall fight it!”
The stunned silence didn't last long.
You want to fight cancer? As in... physically?
“With a SAW?” Sunset asked, her mouth slightly agape.
“Trixie has a saw, a loop, a wand, and her hat. She is using the best weapon she has on hoof!”
Trixie you don't fight cancer like that. It’s impossible.
“Well, how DO you fight it?” Trixie asked, puzzled.
Twilight’s eyebrows raised as he continued to read the document in front of him.
“Well...uh...I've heard that sometimes humans fight it by having a bunch of healthy people walk long distances,” Sunset said, tapping her chin. “And selling T-shirts. Do we have enough money for T-shirts?”
Trixie raised an eyebrow at the redhead. “You can’t be serious.”
Sunny Skies has lost five more HP to cancer.
“We don’t have time for a marathon!” the goddess shrieked between giggles that made me wonder if she was just messing around, or under the 'pain is funny' laughing enchantment. “Somepony help me!”
All of a sudden, Twilight looked up from his research. “Well, Trixie’s idea...it's not STRICTLY impossible,” he said. “I’ve done some reading and...from what I can tell... Assuming that the tumor is isolated enough, that it resides in an organ that can survive a degree of trauma, and of course there are the more finicky matters of a magician being able to identify and remove the cancerous tissue with a non-surgical tool and keep the patient alive without any anesthetic or disinfectant.” Twilight shook his head. “Rather than impossible, it's just so outlandishly unlikely and pointlessly dangerous that somepony would have to be a complete idiot to even try.”
“Do not insult Trixie!” she said before looking over to Celestia. “Now where does it tickle?”
Silence reigned in the classroom as everyone waited for me to finish totaling the XP to see who came out on top. “Okay so um...for dying, Blueblood receives nothing and is flunked out of the class,” I said while the unicorn in question glared back at me.
“You can’t do that! I’ll have your teaching license for this!”
I silently prayed that he would actually manage to pull that off, and went down the list. “Next in comes Cadence, who...cooked the food.”
The alicorn shrugged. “Well it wasn’t as if there was anything else I could do.”
“Then we’ve got Sunny Skies, and...Shining Armor for defeating the mob of people and destroying a bus, you’re next in the rankings,” I told him before looking to the three remaining girls in the class. “For getting away with murder right in front of a civic guard and preventing another riot inside the store, Sunset got third.
“And...Trixie got the most XP for...defeating cancer...with a saw,” I reluctantly told them all.
My purple alicorn gave me a horrified look. “Wait, but...that means I came in second! I came in second? How could I come in second?” Twilight asked before glaring at me. “My research made Trixie’s plan possible!”
“Well, um...Trixie was the one who performed the action so...um...” I said, addressing Twilight with a nervous smile. “Um...better luck next time honey?”
Twilight glared at me. “But that doesn’t make any sense!”
Beside her, the only human in the room, Sunset Shimmer, let out a huff. “Tell me about it.”
“I was the one that came up with the conformation it could work! All she did was get seventeen natural twenties in a row!” Twilight went on.
The magician sat up straighter and smiled. “Now now Princess Twilight, one day you might just be as good at LARPing as Trixie, but it would seem you still have a ways to go.”
For once, I was actually a little grateful to feel Celestia’s human arms on me as we sat next to each other in our little dream house. “Ugh...glad that’s over.”
Celestia giggled, and I was drawn in closer by the amazon with the glistening hair. “So, you left before I could see. Did Twilight forgive you for the ninety-five you gave her?” she asked with a little smile.
I let out a little sigh and rolled my eyes. “Eventually yes,” I told Tia as I felt a tiny bit of apprehension enter her mind and her grip on my shoulder relaxed. Thanks to that, I looked over to her with a little frown. “Something wrong?”
The larger woman cleared her throat and shuffled around on the couch a bit. “I was thinking, since...we’re um....considering the possibility of the two of us and the other girls...it might be best to put a little distance between the two of us when we’re like this.”
A frown crossed my face, and I looked over at the goddess. “You’ve been teasing me with all this for weeks, and now that there’s a chance things could get serious, you want to stop? How in the hell does that make sense in that messed-up brain of yours?”
“I have been teasing you and playing with you because that was all it was,” Celestia told me evenly before she shuffled away to the edge of the couch and crossed her arms. “If you have a problem with it, then perhaps you shouldn’t have awoken my libido.”
The accusation caused my face to slowly shift into a look of hesitation. “Say what?” I asked while trying to figure out how the hell that happened. “Uh, my pony body may be hot, but-”
Celestia snorted at my words. “Oh please, I’ve seen plenty of mares just as physically desirable as you. Besides, I prefer what’s underneath. Although, I’ll admit the supreme athlete look...helps,” she said before pausing for a moment. The tiny bit of annoyance on her face faded, and she let out a sigh that released the tension in her body and slumped down on the couch a little. “And, I suppose it isn’t exactly all your fault. I did let you feed on me after all.”
I stared at the goddess for a few seconds. “What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“Surely you’ve realized that Twilight’s...appetite is greater than Rainbow’s?” Tia asked me.
The memories of my usual lunches with Twilight ran through my mind, and I winced. “Okay sure, she eats more than-”
“Her sexual appetite,” Celestia cut in evenly, making me gulp.
“Wait, you’re saying she’s...Twilight turning into an alicorn really did make her horny as hell?” It kind of made sense...maybe. I really didn’t know much about alicorn sexual habits other than Twilight was kind of a nympho, and Cadence was apparently pretty loose, and Celestia...didn’t have any shame. Hell, Luna was the only prude among them, and she had been stuck on the moon for a millennium.
Oh good God, alicorns really are sex fiends, I thought to myself, my mind a little conflicted at that realization.
On one hand, I was a bit relieved that Twilight wasn’t so into me because I was feeding off of her. There had been a little worry in the back of my head that Twilight might have gotten addicted to sex with me and was only putting up with all the relationship drama to keep getting her fix, but if it was just alicorn anatomy doing it, I was off the hook.
Although, a quick comparison to how much I slept with Twilight beside Rainbow made me mentally tense up again. Ever since the cyan pegasus had joined in the threesomes, Rainbow had been getting as much as the alicorn despite her inexperience. Was she just that much more needy than the average pony, or did Rainbow just do it with us so much to get as much of the action as she could? Despite the short time we had been together, Rainbow did sleep over at the castle a lot. I think the few times she didn’t were the ones that...I wasn’t there.
Another theory began to take shape in my mind. There was always the possibility that Celestia was wrong and ponies only really wanted to be with me because I was feeding off them. What made that even worse was that if that was the case, I had fed off all the Mane Six at one time or another and...well…
Okay, the rest of them weren’t breaking down my door to jump my bones like Twilight kind of was, so...the princess probably had a point about why Twilight was so horny, what with Tia also being an...alicorn.
A very big alicorn.
Who probably had an appetite to match...
Celestia nodded before she let out a disgruntled sigh and shifted her body around so she was leaning her back up against the armrest and the goddess’s long legs pinned me on the couch. “Yes, alicorns are very sexually active. Several hundred years alone allowed me to repress such urges, and Luna didn’t have much of a choice with her imprisonment. But then, someone decided to arouse my desires by making me dinner.”
I gulped, and a rather disturbing thought entered my head. Well, two disturbing thoughts. The first was that I had inadvertently got Tia in the mood again. The second one, despite how it should have calmed me down and made everything right in the world, it hurt. And maybe made me a little afraid or the possibility that Tia was only doing what she was doing because of my feeding on her a few times. “Are you saying the only reason you want me is because I ate some of your magic?”
A wave of anger washed across my senses as Tia frowned at me. “Oh please. I already told you why I want to be with you.”
“Because I tell you no and call you an idiot when you’re being stupid?” I asked with a deadpan expression that I had to force instead of the mixture of anger and pain that was going through my mind at that moment. She may not have come out and said it, but after today’s whole dating thing with Twilight, it was my safest bet. “No offense Tia, but...that’s not exactly something that you build a healthy relationship on.”
The goddess blushed, and looked away. “Well...there’s more to it than that!” she exclaimed. “I just...you don’t...do you really need to hear it?”
I frowned back at her. “Yeah well...maybe I do need to hear just why the hell you’re trying to get with me.” Sure we joked around and had some fun, but a few nights in front of the television wasn’t enough to get someone like Celestia to start hungering for nookie from me.
Her attentions towards Twilight, I kind of got. They were both alicorns, both magical geniuses, both kind of freakout-able. The same went for Rainbow, she was fun loving, able to stand up to the goddess, and apparently the hottest thing Celestia had seen in centuries. Hell, if the two of them were combined into one pony, they would practically be Celestia!
If anything, I was the one that didn’t make sense for Tia to be attracted to. I had hated her guts for weeks even after meeting the goddess in person...pony...whatever. Didn’t really fit in with her whole kingdom, and I wasn’t even that good of a pony! Ponies were all sugar and spice, I was...something else.
The shock I picked up from Tia hit just before her mouth hung open just a little. “Are you honestly asking me that after what you have done for my daughter tonight?” she asked, which left me confused as hell.
That got a confused frown of me as I tried to figure out what the hell she was going on about. “What about Sunset?”
“You gave other ponies a few minutes from her perspective of how things are,” Tia said with a low voice. “When Trixie took us to dinner-”
I held up a hand. “Wait, what? What’s Trixie have to do with anything?”
Tia giggled. “Oh that. Well after you left with Twilight, Trixie wanted to celebrate her victory over the princess and decided to treat her ‘assistant’ and the human who helped get rid of the competition to a late dinner,” she said with a smile. “I figured if Celestia was going to be getting to know Twilight on a personal level, then Sunny Skies can make some friends on the side. I don’t know why Twilight seems so put off by her, that mare really is enjoyable company once you learn not to laugh at her speech. Sunset and her got along marvelously too.”
As much as I hated to admit it, Tia was right. Trixie was kind of nice to be around now that she wasn’t summoning lightning clouds to zap ponies in the butt. She had gone through the same thing as Sunset, if to a lesser degree. Some jealousy pushing her towards black magic, said magic that then turned her high-school level bitchness to evil overlord levels, topped off by the ‘what have I done’ moment afterwards that had her reexamine her life when she looked at the overboard actions said magic caused. Trixie just got a lesser dose that made her mean instead of psycho killer, and wasn’t as traumatized as heavily as Sunset because of it.
“Well as happy as I am to hear Sunny’s made a new friend,” I deadpanned, letting Celestia take that as she would. “I thought you were going to give an earful to Blueblood.”
Tia’s face darkened for a moment. “I’ll be calling him to the Sun Court tomorrow after lunch,” she said before letting out a sigh and shaking her head. “Now, as I was saying….”
She shifted around again, pulling in her legs that I was trapped under and making me scoot back over until I was looking up into her face that slowly took on a soft but smiling expression. “You gave everyone a look into what it was like to be Sunset, to understand her better...and I know you were hoping to see a red-maned unicorn come out of that pocket dimension when the spell ended instead of a biped,” she went on in a gentle voice. “Since the day Sunset was brought home, you have done nothing but try to help my daughter, and protect me. I place my life in your hands every night I go to sleep in more ways than one. I know what you could really do to me in here. But instead of just shuffling me off to some dank pit or indulging in some dark desire, you keep things the way they are to make me feel comfortable. I make you feel uncomfortable and you don’t force the clothing issues, I tease you and you put up with it, and you share your world with me in a way no other pony has seen. And perhaps the most alluring this about you is that you didn’t have to.
“The changelings could have taken Equestria, but they didn’t. Because of you,” Tia said before she reached up to run a finger through my hair as she turned her body to face forward and removed her legs from the couch. “Yes, you’re beautiful and funny and...everything else, but so are a multitude of ponies. But they don’t do anything with their talents beyond fulfill their desires to express them. Twilight and Rainbow and the others go above and beyond, and you...you don’t even have a talent, or a calling to join the royal guard or anything like that. If anything, everything I see about you should make you an enemy of Equestria.
“I know there is darkness in you, that you have thoughts no other pony would ever consider, and dark magic fills you, edging you towards violent tendencies. But you do not fall prey to any of it. You choose to be with us, even with everything else saying you shouldn’t. You choose friendship over domination, love over hatred, and pony over...well, everything else.
“And for that.” Celestia moved in to kiss me, and I didn’t stop her. It wasn’t anything more than some lips but...well dammit, it had been awhile since I got to enjoy non-pony lip contact, and I held onto it for as long as I could.
When we broke contact, she didn’t finish the comment, but I didn’t follow up on it and just leaned into her to resume our usual places with me right next to her and Celestia’s arm across my back in a hug. Sure she had gone on about distance just a few moments ago but...hell, after was we just did...
And who was she kidding? We had been dating for weeks behind Twilight’s back. We just hadn’t done anything except hang out and get me horny with all the hugs, caresses, and everything else.
“So um...”
“You’re a much better kisser as a human than a changeling,” she said.
“Oh...yeah...sorry about that,” I apologized.
Celestia snickered. “Well, I should have guessed Twilight was up to something when she wanted you to kiss me like that instead of her. So, what’re we watching tonight?”
The reminder got my braining working again. “Right! Movie Here, let me just…” I grabbed the remote and started it. “Okay uh, after Rainbow’s question, I thought it would be nice to see...um...just please don’t make any lewd comments about the title character and his flanks because...that’s just going to be weird.”
“They called it the car for everyman. Henry Ford himself called it a car for the great multitude…”