//------------------------------// // Centaurion Pig-Fight // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// Please make sure that the "Formatting" setting in the top right is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you. A/N: As usual, I shall give it my all. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Nintendo. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season 3 E 8 Let's do this, Leeroy... Jenkins! Colossal titans mark the end of a chapter in the hero's journey. So why not face off against the biggest, baddest, and reddest of them all? Lord Tirek, the siphoning centaur. And Ganondorf, the bearer of the goddesses' Power. I'm W and he's B and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ---Death Battle--- Tirek -Centaur from a distant land -Family: Scorpan -Banished to Tartarus for crimes against Equestria -Primary power: magic absorption, which then allows him to grow in size -Abilities gained after sufficient absorption: Immense strength, burning magical blasts, focused levitation, ground displacement -Was able to outwit a master manipulator -Loses some amount of wit after a certain level of power is gained -Has shown little to no interest in absorbing magic other than from unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, alicorns, and a draconequus "I can assure you that I am no friend." Lord Tirek was ripped from the clutches of G1 and traveled across the lands to current Equestria with his brother Scorpan. They planned to take it for themselves and steal all the magic within it. However, Scorpan quickly grew fond of the locals and even befriended Starswirl the Bearded. After failing to convince his brother to reconsider the takeover plan, Scorpan warned Princess Celestia and Luna of his plans before returning to his yet to be named homeland. As for Tirek, he was stripped of his power and banished to Tartarus for over one thousand years. What's up with Equestria and millennia? Is it just a rule that everything that happened one thousand years ago has to get in line to screw the princesses over and force Twilight and her friends to zap everything with rainbows to make it better? Questionable timetables and inconveniences aside, Tirek is not one to be taken lightly. While his default form resembles a caped and old man, he has the power to increase his size and power by literally eating the magic of unicorns. He does this so thoroughly that they lose their cutie mark and their unique talent. So... everyday magic for ponies acts like steroids for him? Well, I suppose it does in a way. After sufficient magic is taken, he can then move on to rob pegasi of their flight ability and earth ponies of their strength and agricultural talents. Wait, since when do the wingless, hornless horse toys have any magic to take? They're like a working class for Equestria's hierarchy, B. Think about it. If all the farmers in the world were suddenly hospitalized all at once and the stores ran out of the food that those particular farmers were growing, what would you eat? Burgers and brisket. Why? ... Oh... Oh s***. Carnivorous lifestyles would lead to ravaging, desperation, and eventually starvation after all the livestock is gone. Geez, Tirek really is evil... a slow and painful murderer. That's not the worst of it. Eventually, he was able to absorb magic from the alicorn princesses and even Discord, the chaotic draconequus. A magical vacuum cleaner with chaos magic?! We're all *eff*ed! Hold your paranoia, B. While Tirek can take talents of other magical creatures away, he does seem to have some limitations. He cannot actually use all of the individual talents that he's taken away. Rather, the raw energy fuels his pre-existing talents of magical blasts, immense strength and durability, and levitation. *sarcasm* Oh good, we're not going to get torn apart by the ribs and force-fed cheese. We'll just get crushed to death. *end sarcasm* Additionally, he showed zero interest in non-pony related magic users such as dragons, changelings, and various magical artifacts. Am I supposed to feel better about this? If nothing else, you can at least be relieved that rainbow power sent him back to Tartarus and forced him to release all of his captive power. Yeah, all right. I'll take any excuse I can to get high and enjoy the pretty colors. Exactly! ... Wait, what? "Princess Twilight! You have something that belongs to me!" ---Death Battle--- Ganondorf -A really mean dude (sometimes a boar called Ganon); banished from his own race, the Gerudo -Usurps ruling power from Zelda on many occasions -Wields the Triforce of Power -Well adept in use of spears and swords -Can utilize some dark magic, e.g. levitation and bodily transmogrification (giant boar form) -Has survived many fatal situations such as impalement, being stoned, falling from large heights, drowning, and even the weapons specifically designed for killing evil (Light Arrows and the Master Sword) -Stole Captain Falcon's punch "Join me, Link and I will make your face the greatest in Koridai... or else you will die!" As widespread across time and space as Link and Zelda, Ganondorf takes on a variety of positions and abilities. The one constant is his unquenchable greed for power and dominion. You'd think Zelda and her father would actually put up a fight against this ginger chuckle *eff*. But you'd be wrong. He's gained control of Hyrule more times than Zelda has been kidnapped. Ganondorf is strong and crafty. He often carries a sword and can take several weapon strikes before staying down for the count. This is thanks in part to him wielding the Triforce of Power, granting him even more physical prowess and fueling some of his darker magic. Ginger-dork can float around, overshadow unconscious bodies, increase his sword's power with shadow strikes, and even transform into a giant pig... demon... thing. It's a giant piece of pork. What else can I say? In his ultimate form, Ganon towers over even Goliath and has impossibly high strength that requires evil-slaying weapons to properly bring down. Variants to this giant boar can charge around, smash through rocks, and mow down anything else in his path. At some point, the force of space itself decided that the overpowered dark king wasn't powerful enough. It granted him slower copies of Captain Falcon's iconic moves and abilities. Seriously, did he really need all of this? Is it any more ludicrous than having a magical book be his weakness? ... B? I'm thinking! Give me a minute. "He was known as a demon thief, an evil magic wielder renowned for his ruthlessness." ---Death Battle--- All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. But first, a word from our non-existent sponsors. ---Death Battle--- Ever wanted to support your favorite Youtube channels but never knew how to do so? Well, wonder no more. For just a few cents per video, you can use a Patreon account to send your hard earned cash to support their shows. Sometimes there's even cool art and goodies you can get for providing a certain amount of funds. Go to patreon.com to support the creators you love. Back to you, B. Death Battle! ---Death Battle--- The screen opens up and appears to be interrupting a crucial story scene. Magic makes some squeaky and horny sounds as it gets pulled out of Discord's mouth and into Tirek's. The giant centaur lord drops the now empty abomination and stomps off. "Surely you saw this coming," suggests a caged Applejack. "I didn't," Discord clings onto Scorpan's medallion. "I truly didn't." A light of swirling energy comes in out of nowhere. When the light show ends, Tirek is nowhere to be found. The ponies and draconequus stare at the empty spot in even further confusion. --- Through the rubble of his fallen fortress, Ganondorf rises. His mere presence creates a huge ring of fire, cutting off Link and Navi from Zelda. As he floats in place, he lifts his fist. The golden triangle shines brightly upon the back of his hand. But before he can really tap into his anger and magic, he gets whisked away by some unknown swirling energy. The remaining warrior, fairy, and princess stare at the empty air, completely stupefied. --- Meanwhile, thousands of miles away... I'm not sure why, but the arena is covered in desert sand and giant red pillars. Occasional clouds mark the otherwise clear blue sky. A large distortion pops up and Tirek steps through. He slowly looks around his new surroundings. A few yards away, a smaller distortion in space opens up and reveals a levitating Ganondorf. His blue glow diminishes a bit as he observes his sudden change in location. "And just what are you supposed to be?" asks the unamused centaur. A text box appears at the bottom of the screen as the camera focuses on Ganondorf. It reads, "... Wow. What a rip-off." "Is that a challenge?" Tirek clenches his fists. Ganondorf chuckles deeply as his text box reads, "No, it's your death sentence." "FIGHT!" An orange ball of energy forms between Tirek's horns. He then directs it in a blast aimed at his enemy's position. Ganondorf calmly glides to the side and floats forward. Tirek fires another hot blast, but the opponent levitates above it. He then ducks under a third blast before floating right next to the centaur's face. The man holds his fist back before deliberately throwing a punch. The sound effects guy completes the stolen image with an eagle screech. Tirek flinches and actually takes a step back. He turns his head forward before lifting his own fist. But instead of throwing a punch, an orange outline marks his hand. Ganondorf finds himself covered in the same colored highlight before getting launched at one of the nearby red pillars at breakneck speed. Now, the pillar has a Ganondorf shaped crater in it. He audibly groans a bit before seeing Tirek charging at the pillar without touching the ground. From the faraway camera, the audience sees a cloud of smoke separating the bottom of the pillar from the crumbling top. Zooming back in reveals Ganondorf caught between the centaur's horns. Ganondorf pulls out a large sword and drives it down into the giant head. Tirek lets out a roar and lifts a hand to grab the irritation. The Gerudo finds himself flung off into the air once more. His dark magic enables him to slow to a gentle floating. He glides in for some more action. Tirek grabs another red pillar, lifts it out of the sand, and tosses it. At the last possible second before it hits the sandy ground, Ganondorf glides past the bottom of the pillar and continues his forward path. He takes a few more heavy swings at Tirek's head. After wincing and roaring, the centaur reaches up and clasps the Gerudo between his palms. It seems that he means to squish his enemy right here and now. The text box reads, "..." Anger reinvigorates the blue light that surrounds Ganondorf's body. His shape deforms. There are signs of struggle on Tirek's face as his hands are suddenly forced to open up. Darkness is cast on the arena that was once in broad daylight. Two jagged weapons lift up in the large grips of this new creature. Its face resembles the horned visage of a boar. Ganon Oh, thank you, subtitles. Anyway, Tirek attempts to topple this new foe with a ground pound. Several dusty rocks rise up and Ganon shakes on his feet a bit. However, the Gerudo-turned-pig swings his giant blades down. His hands are caught by Tirek who now stands in front of him. A large push-of-war shakes the atmosphere. Lightning crashes around them even though it has no reason to do so. Wait... I sense a disturbance in the force... Computer, quit talking in moon speak- Wait! What is that white ring of portal doing there in the sky? That isn't supposed to happen is it? Some faded-color outlines fly through the opening in space-time. They reveal... the Mane Six! They're all in their rainbow power forms! "We'll handle tall, red, and ugly!" hollers Rainbow Dash. "You take the pork chop, little green man!" A young man in a bright, green tunic jumps off of her back. Magic shines forth in six colors from the super ponies as the Master Sword gleams. "Sayaa!" Tirek finds himself washed over in so many colors of light. At the same time, Ganon gets a new skull piercing... in his forehead. The entire screen gets washed away in white as the two beasts roar. When the lights finally clear, the split-screen camera appears. On the left, a statue of Ganondorf stands with the Master Sword stuck in him. On the right, a much smaller and weaker Tirek grabs helplessly at the cage in Tartarus. "Time Out!" ---Death Battle--- What is this? I don't even! The lords of darkness are both powerful in their own right. Given time and effort, they could eventually conquer the worlds they sought to control. However, both of them have specifically light-based weaknesses. Yeah, I guess so. Ganon-dork can only be nullified and/or killed by light-based magic and Tirek is specifically weak to friendship rainbows. Both of their powers rely mainly on dark and/or destruction magic. Additionally, Tirek could not directly absorb Ganondorf's magic because it is granted through the Triforce of Power, not Equestrian magic. Because of these factors, it would take a boatload of stamina on either parties' accounts to fully overpower the other. In the end, they got their just desserts in the desert. This Death Battle is a draw. ---Death Battle--- Next time on Death Battle... She never asked for this. "Lyra!" She never had a choice. ... "Son, that was not a request. That was an order. Go out and make some friends!" ---