//------------------------------// // Chapter 19: Dammit Pinkie Pie! // Story: The Hacker Pwny // by Chetzi //------------------------------// August 8, 11:34 P.M. "Ow!" I yelled as I tripped on sidewalk. "Who the fuck put that oxygen there?" I got up and dusted off my pants. I somehow just tripped over air and now my left wrist is in pain. Doesn't appear to be broken, sprained at worst. Colby said, "Nobleman, are thou injured?" I replied with, "No, and stop talking like that. It's annoying enough when Luna does it." The three of us continued down the path until we quickly reached my house. I clutched my left wrist, and had Colby open the door. The cool air blasted my face. I searched around for Lyra, who wasn't anywhere where I left her. I don't feel like searching for her right now, it would just be easier to forget about. I had left Chuck on the counter in the kitchen. I placed my V.R. glasses on the table. As I walked in, he said, "Break your arm from fapping too hard?" I growled and said, "Stow it." I glanced out a window, and saw Luna and the other guy laying on the grass, I think Colby was pointing out constellations. I don't know what was stranger, how easy it was to get Luna a mate, or that the guy wore a cape at a rock concert. Doesn't matter, Luna seems happy enough. I told Chuck, "Find Lyra. Run a bioscan." "On it. She appears to be in the house." "Where?" "Hold on, still narrowing down search. Okay, got her. She's in the game room." I nodded, grabbed Chuck, slipped him into my pocket, and calmly walked away. I shuffled up the stairs, turning left and walking into the dark room. Lyra was there, sitting like a human on a couch. She said, "I can finally sit normally! I had no idea why the benches in Equestria had backs when nopony ever used them. So I attempted to use them, but it just wasn't comfortable. Plus, hands!" She waved her hands around, tensing the fingers. "The only thing I don't like is that I now need to wear clothes now. Hey, could I borrow some?" "Sure, I guess." "Oh yeah, and boobies!" She heaved her normal sized chest up and down. I just left the room. Did not want to see that. Even human, these ponies are oddly colorful because they seem to retain their hairstyle. They all also adapt to their new bodies quickly, much quicker than I did. I really need to study one of them. Let's see, Lyra's just sitting, Luna's with the super nerd, and it's unlikely that either will want to go back. I guess I could make a quick trip to Vinyl. I doubt anything will happen. I asked Chuck, "Against my better judgement, I’ll need you to come with me.” “For the last time, I can’t fap for you.” “I mean to Equestria.” “Did you mean Equestrian?” “No. It’s a real place.” “Only in fan fictions, it appears this place is false.” “Well, better have dynamic updating on, because we’re going there.” “Yay, nothing like a fake world filled with colorful ponies that were made for eight year olds.” “This isn’t the same world as the one on the show. It’s close, but a bit different. A little more ‘adult’ of you will.” That reminds me! I had come across a pyrotechnic device that releases a special carbon-based combustible substance that reacts when a combination of nitrogen and oxygen is touching it. If I don’t burn down Ponyville, it will be one hell of a show. I left the hallway and made my toward the living room. I looked out the window one more time, and Luna was huddled close with Colby, even though it wasn’t particularly cold. I turned away from them and walked through the MTSC. Yeah, yeah, flying through space, all that shit. I winded up in Everfree forest. WHAT!? I set it to Canterlot! Grr, I need to recalibrate the space-time chronometer on- ROAR I turned toward the sound, it was a manticore. Of course. It couldn’t have been a bunny or something THAT WON’T KILL ME COULD IT? Play this in the background. I started to panic as Chuck said, “Hey, idiot, before we both get mauled to shreds, why don’t you run?” I stumbled away as fast as I could, but the manticore kept coming. It was a full on chase as the leaves whipped past me. The snaps of twigs were consistent as I galloped away. The beast got closer and closer, until I tripped over a vine on the floor. I didn’t fall, rather I was slung upwards because my foot got trapped in the vine. I grabbed onto a tree and untangled myself. I asked Chuck, “What do we do?!” “Dude, the fire thing.” I slammed my hoof into my pocket feeling around for it. My hoof found it, and pulled out the pyrotechnic. I aimed it at the manticore and pressed the button. A small fireball came shooting out, and slammed into the manticore. The beast just shrugged it off. I yelled sarcastically, “NICE IDEA!” A neon glow started to form around me, it appeared to be my magic. Must be some kind of protective barrier if the user is under distress. Wait, idea! I jumped down from the tree. The beast stood three feet away from me as it roared. The manticore licked its lips as its large feet smashed toward me. This better work, I pointed the pyrotechnic at me, and pressed the button. The small fire engulfed my body. My magic barrier kept me from even feeling the heat as it spread all over me. The flames didn’t go far enough to spread to the ground or anything else. I pushed magic force into my hand, forcing the flames to collect and turn a bright orange. The manticore seemed unaffected. I reeled back my hoof, now standing on two legs. I yelled, “FALCON...” My arm shot forward, and as it hit the beast, I screamed, “PUNCH!” The hit connected, the creature shot away from me. It went very high into the sky, to the point of my not even being able to see it. The fire diminished, and I returned to normal. I breathed heavily, the magic I used was very energy consuming. The fire didn’t even spread to any plants or trees. Physics works so strange here. I trudged out of the forest, finding Fluttershy’s cottage somewhat soon. I follow down the path, looking for Rainbow’s cloud home. I found Sugar Cube corner first, and it looked like Pinkie was throwing a party. I slammed open the doors and stormed into the place. Ponies stopped dancing and stared at me like I was an alien. I growled and said, “Rainbow Dash. Get over here.” She stumbled over to me, slightly nervous. “Tell me, why did you tell everyone?” She nervously chuckled and said, “Well, see, it was cool and-” “When I explicitly told you I didn’t want you there.” “I thought other ponies would want to know that-” “That what? That there’s some dangerous world? You only saw a small part, anymore and you would be scarred for life. The last thing I wanted was you going all around town yelling that Earth exists.” “I’m sorry, but this was just too cool to not tell anypony!” “You didn’t tell anypony, YOU TOLD EVERYPONY!” Before I could yell at her anymore, Twilight came up to me. She said, “Hello, Neon. If you would stop yelling at Rainbow Dash for a minute, I would like to ask about your world. It seems fascinating.” I sighed yelled slightly louder into the crowd, “I’m not taking anypony with me.” Pinkie Pie came bouncing forward, and said, “I know what you’re talking about! I see that planet all the time! We’re always stuck in some small box that only I can see! Come on, being stuck in a fan fiction is bad enough, no wait, I’ll just look farther down the story.” Her head went up and down, like she was reading a piece of paper. “Found it! Yep, you take me and my friends all to Earth after being extremely annoyed at me!” I said, “No, I will not take anyone to Earth. I don’t care who it is, the place is off-limits for now. Now that you all know, I’m leaving.” I walked out, being followed by Pinkie Pie. She bounced beside me as she shirked, “But you have to! It says right here in the story!” “I don’t care. Leave.” She just kept bouncing around me. “Please please please please please please please please please?” I walk faster and faster as she kept repeating that. It wasn’t long until I was running as fast as I could, but she was still bouncing alongside me. I stopped, and yelled, “OKAY! I’LL FUCKING TAKE YOU! JUST STOP!” She clapped and said, “Okie dokie lokie! My friends too, right?” “Fine! Just stop!”