//------------------------------//
// Chapter 07: Not a Juvenile Delinquent 
// Story: The Equestrian Survival Guide 
// by Gherkin 
//------------------------------//


CHAPTER SEVEN: NOT A JUVENILE DELINQUENT


Even after a thousand years, some things never change.

Glimmering Jewel sighed and increased her pace, trotting after the eccentric stallion leading her through the streets of the Crystal Empire. Not even an evil king's curse and a one thousand year banishment could keep this one down, that much was obvious. "Slow down, Quartz!" she called out to the crystal stallion, unable to match his excited pace. "You know I have missed our little adventures as much as you have, but there is no need to rush!"

He laughed heartily and slowed down slightly. "Come now, Glimmer! We have a thousand years to catch up on, after all! We must make up for lost time!" He cast a glance back at her and winked slyly, causing her to giggle and blush. He always was the flirtatious type, yet she knew he had eyes only for her. 

I am glad Mother and Father approve of him, at least, the young mare thought, catching up to him and walking side by side. I suppose they know he is the adventurous type, as I am. She smiled and hummed softly as he leaned down and nuzzled her gently.

"Well, are you not you curious?"

The sound of his voice caught her off guard slightly. "Hm? Curious? Of what, exactly?" she wondered, looking up at him.

He gave another, smaller laugh. "Why, of where we are going today, of course! It has been far too long since our last little escapade."

"Indeed. I am sure that you are going to tell me, anyway." She smiled innocently up at him.

"No... I want you to guess!"

A giggle escaped her lips. "Oh, pretty please? Will you not simply tell me?"

He seemed reluctant, wanting to continue his teasing of her. After she pouted up at him, complete with puppy dog eyes, he could not resist. "Oh, fine. Very well." His eager demeanour made it obvious that he did not want to hide it from her for too long anyway. "I thought that we could trek out into the frozen tundras! I have heard that there are hidden treasures out there, left over from the time of the dark King Sombra's reign! Or, at least, something of a like nature."

She raised an eyebrow. "Hmm. I will admit, this is not something that I expected. Still, it sounds somewhat mysterious." 

A soft sigh escaped her lips, catching his attention. "Is something wrong?" he asked. "Were you hoping for something else?"

"I..." She paused for a moment, biting her lip. "Well, I was rather hoping that you had found a way to gain an audience with those strange new creatures. The humans, I mean." Trying her best to remain grateful, she smiled reassuringly up at him. "I realise that is an unrealistic goal for you to achieve. They are royal guests, after all." A quick peck on the cheek ensured that he did not feel like he had disappointed her.

He chuckled and blushed slightly, smiling down at her. "Well, we shall see what I can do about that after we are done here. I promise."

"Thank you, Quartz," she replied, brushing up against him again. "You truly are wonderful, I hope you realise."

"I know," he joked, smirking again. "Then again, I am not half as wonderful as you."

She rolled her eyes and giggled again. "Oh, you are quite the flatterer, aren't you?"

"And you wouldn't have me any other way." Came his playful response, as they left the confines of the Crystal Empire proper. The biting cold winds of the blizzard were dampened somewhat by the fact that, as crystal ponies, they had a natural resistance to the cold, but it hit them nonetheless. Quartz shivered a little and pulled a scarf out of his saddlebag, wrapping it around his neck as his companion did the same.

I wonder what kind of riches and treasures that daft colt is all worked up about. She snickered and stuck close to him as they trekked across the tundra, headed towards the base of a frozen mountain. The biting cold winds sapped every step they took, but they were young and full of vigour, so it did little to deter them. Glimmering had to admit, she was no longer used to being out in these tundras again, but she could not say that she did not miss them. With a soft sigh, she leaned slightly against the stallion as they neared their destination.

Quartz's expression of unbridled curiosity only seemed to become even more apparent as they searched around the base of the mountain, eventually stumbling across a mysterious looking cave. It was certainly not natural, of that they were both sure, for the edges were lined with dark crystals that directly contrasted with the rock and stone of the mountain itself. It was certainly dark and foreboding, even intimidating, a fact that made the crystal mare shiver despite her resilience to the cold that surrounded them. 

"Are you certain of this, Quartz?" she asked him, stepping towards the cave with some trepidation. "What kind of treasures could possibly be hidden inside this sort of place?"

"I have no idea," he replied, with a giddy smile on his face. "But I do know one thing: I am not going to wait around out here when I could be in there finding out!"

It was obvious that she did not possess the same level of enthusiasm that he did, but there was no denying that it was infectious. A smile crept onto her face as she looked back at him. "Okay then... Well, let us not delay any further, hmm?"

He nuzzled her gently, still grinning. "Now that is what I like to hear, Glimmer." 

She nuzzled back, before smiling wider and setting off into the cave with him. Soon enough, they had disappeared into its darkness together, lost to the outside world.


***


"Do all your dates end up with you getting arrested?"

The Courier groaned loudly and leaned his head against the bars of their cell once again. "Oh, were we on a date, huh?" He cast a glance back at her for a moment, before sighing. "Sure, alright. Whatever you want to call it."

A small blush appeared across her face, unnoticed by him, as she clumsily back-pedalled over her words. "I... That's not what I meant. I mean, do you always end up in trouble with the law after a night on the town?" She shuffled back on the dusty cot attached to the wall, leaning back and looking over at him. Her - or rather, Veronica's -  dress was dirty and messy, though that came as no surprise seeing as they were forced to spend the night in this foul cell. 

"Heh, sometimes. 'Specially with Cass. Man, did me and her fuck up Gomorrah when we went there." He cast his thoughts back to those events, in which he managed to turn the two managers of the place against each other with a single sentence. Heh, Big Sal really was a stupid motherfucker. Had to leave that slimy ballbag Cachino in charge though... Hope he doesn't obsess over another girl like he did Joana. "Anyway, what the hell are we gonna do now? We're stuck in here now. You'd think my reputation would mean something to these pricks."

She sighed and yawned. "We did kinda shoot up the whole casino, if you remember."

"It was self defence, for Christ's sake!"

"You really think that's the way Benny spun the tale?" She pointed out perceptively, raising her eyebrow. 

He chuckled slightly and groaned. "Yeah, good point... Fucking cocksucker." He slammed his hand on the bars out of frustration before wincing and grabbing his hand. "Damn..."

With a giggle, she patted the edge of the bed. "Come and sit down. No use getting all worked up when there's nothing we can do about it." She scooted backwards and moved her legs out of his way. "Still, God knows what we're going to do now."

As if by chance, it was at that moment that they both heard the door at the far end of the cell block swing open loudly, letting some light into the poorly lit area. "They're both in here," they heard one of the guards grunt to an unknown visitor. The two of them sat up, curious as to who could be interested in them. They were, as far as they knew, the only people being held in the cell block at the moment. After a few seconds, the cell guard appeared, shoving his key into the rusty lock of their cell and opening it. Once he was done, he stepped aside to reveal what both The Courier and Christina could only describe as a sight for sore eyes.

"You know, I thought you were accustomed to fancy, high-life living up in the Lucky 38," Arcade Gannon pointed out, stepping into the cell. Veronica followed close behind, gazing around the place.

"Ew," she muttered, taking a look at the cot that they were both sat on. "This place doesn't look very fun. I'm guessing no room service either, right?"

The Courier gave them both a genuine smile as he stood up to greet them, accepting a hug with gratitude from the ex-Brotherhood scribe. "Goddamn, am I glad to see you."

"We heard about the... 'disturbance' on the Strip," she told him. "Knew it couldn't be anyone else but you."

Arcade stepped forward and put down the bag that was slung over his shoulder. "Uh huh. So we asked around. Had to grease a few palms, naturally, even with your reputation, but we've secured your release. Both of you, that is." He gave Christina a friendly smile.

He pumped his fist into the air. "Oh, thank Christ. Thought I was going to go mad stuck in here." He looked back at his companion. "Not that I didn't have great company or nothing, but y'know. A caged bird wants to be free, and all that shit." Still smiling, he looked back at Arcade. "What about the Transportalponder?"

He knelt down and pulled the device out of his bag. "We both took a look at it. From what we've seen, I think we've fixed it. It should work now."

"Even better." He took it from his hands and inspected it personally. Everything seemed to be in order, apart from a few scratches thanks to everything that it had been through. "Seems pretty good. Let's just hope it works as well as it looks, huh?" He looked over to Christina, who nodded in agreement.

Veronica smiled proudly and sat on the end of the bed next to the Lone Wanderer. "Don't worry about anything. You know how me and Arcade like to tinker with stuff like that. It'll work great, trust me!"

"When can we get going?" Christina asked them eagerly. The tone in her voice made it obvious that she was itching to find her friend. 

"As soon as possible, if you like." Veronica pointed to the bag that the doctor had hauled in with him. "We took the liberty of bringing the armour and guns that you had with you before you left for the Strip. Figured that you'd want to find your friends as quickly as you could." 

Christina immediately hopped to her feet and began to rummage through the bag, soon pulling out her armoured vault suit. With a gleeful smile, she hurried over to the tiny, but thankfully walled off, bathroom cubicle in the corner of the room. After a few moments, she emerged again, with Veronica's now worn and tattered dress in hand. "Sorry about this, by the way," she apologised, folding the garment up and giving it to her.

She bit her lip as she looked over her prized possession, but managed to smile. "No, it's okay. I can probably find somebody to repair it anyhow." She handed the wanderer her Blackhawk, which was still slotted into a leg holster. She accepted it with thanks, and grabbed her rifle too.

"You ready to go right now, Christina?" The Courier asked, having already thrown on his armour and duster. "We can stick around for a bit if you really want."

"No," she insisted, putting her rifle into the scabbard slung across her back. "I think we're all ready to go, Courier, don't you?" With a sigh and a deep breath, she turned her attention to Veronica and Arcade. "Thank you both, so, so much. I really don't know how I can repay you for this."

The both of them shook their heads modestly. "You don't have to repay us," Arcade informed her, holding out a hand for her to shake. "Just find your friends, and be safe, okay?"

She nodded as her friend charged up his device. "Don't worry, we will." She took The Courier's hand as he held it out to her, and gave him a quick look. He smiled back at her, before activating it. There was a huge flash of light, one that engulfed the entire room. Then, as quickly as it had begun, it ended. Barring Arcade and Veronica, the cell was now empty.


***


Goddamn, I can't wait to get out of this cold. Boone shivered and pulled his cloak tighter against him, before casting a glance back at the soldiers behind him. They were still hauling the corpse of the dead Legion grunt, helped in no small part by one of their unicorns, who was using a levitation spell to ease some of the weight. Still shivering, he turned his attention to Shining Armor, who was walking alongside him. "So, what's gonna happen to this guy, exactly?"

The prince took a look back at the soldiers as well for a moment, before returning his gaze to the man beside him. "We'll get some of the coroners and scientists back at the palace to take a look at him. I guess Princess Celestia would like to know exactly what makes you humans tick, or something." He shrugged. "I don't know for sure. It's not really my area of expertise, to be honest. A prince I may be, but I'll always be a soldier at heart."

"Yeah, I hear you there." He sighed as his mind drifted back to thinking about his days in First Recon, back before he met The Courier. Everything seemed okay back then, as if he understood the purpose that he had in life. Of course, all of that changed after Bitter Springs, and then the loss of his wife.

With a small grunt, he shook his head. His friend had helped him to move past the mistakes that he had made in his past, or, at least, helped him to come to terms with them. Shining Armor noticed, and looked over at him with some concern. 

"You okay?" he asked. "The cold getting to you? It's bad enough even with a full coat of fur, let me tell you."

"No, I'm fine," he assured. "Just... thinking about the past, I guess."

He nodded in understanding. "Missing home? You've got someone to go back to, is that it?" He gave a friendly smile. "Wife, kids?"

At that he tensed up slightly, but forced himself to relax. "Uh, no. A had a wife, before, but she died." Not wanting to lose himself in the past, he unsheathed his rifle and checked that it was properly loaded, and the sights properly aligned, in an effort to distract himself.

The smile on the unicorn's face quickly faded. "Oh, I'm sorry. If I'd known I wouldn't have brought it up."

"It's fine, don't worry about it." He raised the rifle and looked through the scope. Sure enough, everything was in order. "I've come to terms with what happened, I think."

Shining nodded and decided to change the subject. Peering up at the rifle in Boone's hand, he said, "So that's your weapon, right? How does it work?"

He looked down at the prince for a second, before adopting a firing position. "How about I show you?" He aimed towards a rock not too far away, smirking slightly as he looked on with interest. Making sure to keep his aim steady, he squeezed the trigger. Shining flinched as the a loud bang left the barrel of the gun. After trotting towards the rock and noticing the visible mark that the bullet had left, he looked back to Boone.

"Well, that's certainly... interesting," he commented. "It's kind of like a crossbow, except with a lot more kick behind it."

"I guess you could look at it like that," he replied, as the party passed by a mountain that towered above them. To the relief of everyone there, the Crystal Empire itself was now in sight. Thank God, the home stretch. They all kept on trudging in the snow for a few minutes, until Shining stopped suddenly and ordered the rest of his soldiers to halt.

"Sir?" Flash Sentry called out over the roaring winds, having assisted the others with carrying the body. 

"There's somepony over there!" he called back, pointing towards the base of the mountain. At first glance Boone could not see anything, however as he squinted he could make out what looked like a stallion, desperately galloping as best as he could through the thick snow. From what he could tell, he looked panicked, even hysterical. He cast a look over to the prince, who gave him a concerned look back, before trotting towards the rambling crystal pony.

"Help!" The stallion was calling out. "Please, guards, you must help me!"

Shining picked up the stallion as he stumbled at his hooves, and looked him in the eye. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself, though it did not help much. "My prince - your majesty - please, I need your assistance. My friend, she was taken by the darkness!"

"Taken by the darkness? What do you mean?"

"In that cave!" He pointed towards a dark cave in the side of the mountain. "We came out here to explore... but there is evil in that place! Dark, magical evil!" He looked up at the unicorn with a pleading look in his eye. "Please, your majesty! The evil inside claimed my friend and now she is not herself! She is in dire need of aid!"

Shining looked down at the stallion, then over to the cave that he had mentioned. More pockets of dark magic? They've never corrupted a pony before. He frowned, then looked over at Boone and the rest of his soldiers. "On me!" he barked, before assuring the stallion that everything was going to be alright. With a tired sigh, he set off towards the cave. Well, this just got interesting.


***


"What the hell do you mean, you didn't see them come through here?"

Christina crossed her arms and looked at The Courier, then to the... things he was speaking with. The five of them that he was addressing looked like floating brains in jars, with strange looking computer monitors attached to each one. Somehow, he was holding a proper, civil conversation with them. Well, if you could call it civil, anyway. When they had walked into this place, which he had called the 'Think Tank', she had the urge to pull out her gun and shoot one of them, having mistook them for some sort of robobrain hell-bent on her demise. At the same time, however, something in the back of her mind prevented her from drawing her gun. She still didn't know why that had happened, either.

"I THINK IT'S QUITE A SIMPLE CONCEPT TO GRASP," the leader, who had introduced itself - or himself, Christina still wasn't too sure - as 'Klein' boomed in response. "NO OTHER HUMANS HAVE ENTERED BIG MOUNTAIN SINCE YOU LEFT, APPROXIMATELY FIFTY-SIX DAYS AGO."

Her patience wearing thin, Christina stepped forward. "How in the hell is that possible?" she questioned the floating scientists before her. "I saw, with my own eyes, our friends disappear thanks to that device!" She pointed towards the Transportalponder in The Courier's hand. "And you're saying that they haven't been here?"

"YES, THAT IS WHAT I HAVE INFORMED YOU OF A TOTAL OF THREE TIMES NOW," Klein replied in his usual tone. "TELL ME, DID THE BIG MOUNTAIN TRANSPORTALPONDER INCUR ANY SIGNIFICANT KINETIC FORCE, OR DAMAGE? THAT MAY BE THE SOURCE OF YOUR PROBLEM." He paused for a second. "EITHER THAT, OR YOU ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED THE BUTTON ON THE UNDERSIDE OF THE DEVICE."

"Button? There is no-" He paused as he noticed something on the underside of the device. He pulled a small plastic cover away to reveal a small button. "Well, I'll be fucked. Maybe this got accidentally pressed when those bastards shot this thing out of my hand." With a pause, he looked up at Christina and then back down again. "How in the hell did I never notice this before?"

"Because you're an idiot."

"Whatever. What's this button do anyway?" He looked up at the Think Tank again.

"I... DON'T KNOW." The Courier rolled his eyes as Klein turned to converse with his fellow scientists. Naturally, they all starting talking nonsense amongst themselves. Soon enough, however, he turned to face the two once again. "ACCORDING TO MY FELLOW THINK TANKS, IT ACTIVATES A SECRET, EXPERIMENTAL PROTOTYPE FEATURE THAT CANNOT BE DISCLOSED."

"The fuck? You mean you're not going to tell me what this thing does?" he protested.

"IT IS TOO DANGEROUS. THE PROTOTYPE FEATURE MAKES USE OF EXTREMELY TOP-SECRET DIMENSION HOPPING TECHNOLOGY, THAT MUST NOT BE DISCLOSED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES."

Christina failed to suppress a snigger as he said that. She started to walk away, motioning for The Courier to follow her. After they had left the main chamber, she stopped and turned to face him. "So, what, this thing took Moira and Boone to some sort of alternate world?" she asked in somewhat of a hushed tone, so as to not let the Think Tank hear them. "How is that even remotely possible?"

"You think I have any idea?" He raised an eyebrow, before looking down at the device in his hands. "Well, in the end, I guess there's only way for us to find out."

She looked at it as well, and nodded. "Yeah, you're right." After a deep breath, she held out her hand to him. "Well, I guess now is as good a time as any, right?"

He smirked and took it firmly. "Damn straight. Let's do this." Gripping the Transportalponder tight, he pressed the button on the underside, then pulled the trigger. After a flash of light, the two were gone once again.