//------------------------------//
// A Blessing or a Curse? 
// Story: (SiC) Part 9 - Sailing Through The Storm 
// by Brian Jacko 
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	Pinkie Pie woke up feeling great. The sun was shining brightly from outside her window and she was happier than usual. She went downstairs and began to feel a rush of excitement that seemed to ripple through her fur coat and the closer she got to the front door, the greater and more intense the feeling. Curious as to what this strange sensation meant, she stepped closer to the door and was about to go out when suddenly, she heard two voices call out in unison from behind her. Pinkie turned around to see Mister and Misses Cake with deeply concerned looks on their faces.

"Don't go out, please," Mister Cake said. 

Pinkie Pie looked confused, "But I feel so good and I feel like something great is about to happen to me if I go outside." 

"It's not what it seems," Misses Cake said. "We are here to help you and only want the best for you." 

Pinkie didn't understand. She looked at the door and felt a another sudden surge of excitement and pleasure, she then looked back to them for a moment and those feelings in her mind diminished. "But I don't want to stay here. I want to see what's outside."

"Please listen to us," Mister Cake said. "It's not what it seems to you in your mind, you just have to trust us so that we can get you good help. You are in such great danger and you do not realize it. I can't force you to stay, you have that choice to make, but know that we aren't saying this to be mean. We are only trying to help because we care about you."

Pinkie Pie put her two front hooves to her head and closed her eyes shut tightly. Even though she had no idea what Mister and Misses Cake were talking about, their warnings somehow made her feel like they were speaking the truth, but she still didn't want to listen because she felt so good every time she thought about leaving. It was torturous deciding what to do, but she made up her mind. "I just can't help it!" she cried out. "I need to go see what's outside that door!" Pinkie turned her back on the Cakes and stepped out of Sugar Cube corner. To her surprise, a royal red carpet was laid at the doorstep of her home that seemed to stretch for miles and miles. What was even stranger, was that it seemed that the entire town of Ponyville was standing in front of her house lined up on both sides of the carpet. A large rainbow arched over her house which seemed to follow the long stretch of carpet. 

A group of Pegasus ponies unleashed confetti from the air onto Pinkie Pie. 

"Happy Birthday!" the entire town shouted all at once to her. 

Pinkie could feel the fur on her back stand up from the overwhelming feelings of excitement and adrenaline which made her heart pound faster. She had no idea it was her birthday and often forgot about it because she was so focused on trying to memorize every single birthday date for each pony in Ponyville. "It's my birthday!? Yippee!" the pink pony exclaimed and then hopped down the carpet waving and saying hi to each pony as she passed. 

The ponies smiled and every single pony shouted words of encouragement and great cheer as she bounced by. They waved back at her with happy and enthusiastic faces which made Pinkie giggle furiously and made her feel even happier and more energetic. 

Pinkie Pie wondered why on earth the Cakes didn't want her to experience this. For this day already seemed like the greatest day of her life and she had never felt so ecstatic and high, but it seemed quite odd that ponies were starting to become less and less enthusiastic and happy as she went on down the carpet. The rainbow in the sky appeared to fade away with each bounce she took down the carpet and even the carpet she was skipping down was becoming raggedy and worn out with tears in it. Storm clouds from both sides began to slowly close in, blocking out part of the sun. It was literally as if her moving forward was making everything darker and scary.

Pinkie began to slow down and her bouncing and playful spirit was sapped out of her when she saw that the faces of the ponies had turned into looks of scorn and strong disapproval. Her smile faded from her face when she greeted the ponies, but talking to them made them look colder and angrier. They refused to smile or say hello back. Pinkie put her head low to the ground and continued walking, occasionally glancing at the faces of the angry ponies that all stared her down. She had no idea how long following this carpet would last, but she kept on going feeling very frightened and uncertain about what was happening.  She stopped when a rotten apple hit the side of her face.

"You're the worst party pony I have ever seen," a voice in the crowd shouted.

"I.....I am?" Pinkie Pie asked. 

"You're not even funny and all your friends just pretend to like you."

"Wow," Pinkie said. "That's a little harsh."

"Kill yourself!" another voice yelled out.

"Pinkie Pie stopped walking for a moment and asked out loud, "You want me to end my life?" 

"You cause more harm than good, in fact, you don't do any good in this world at all. Think of all the mistakes you have made and compare yourself to all the other ponies you know! You are worthless!"

"Jesus doesn't love you and neither do we," another voice chimed in.

That did it. Pinkie couldn't stand it anymore and tried to run back to where the ponies were being nice and saying wonderful things about her, but as she retreated, there was a fog in the air that seemed to make her struggle for air more and more as she traveled through it. She stopped when she heard a loud bang of thunder and a howl that seemed to be within close range. There in the distance, she could see two bright glowing eyes through the fog. It was a timberwolf. A creature from the Everfree forest that even the most bravest of ponies feared. Pinkie tried to push her way through the crowds, but they acted like a wall and shoved her back. She had no choice but to run away down the path where she no longer wanted to go down. She ran as fast as she could and didn't look back, but she could see the ponies on the side in her peripheral vision. Their faces and bodies were starting to decay and they continued to say horrible things to her and kept throwing things at her. She often had to dodge and duck under the objects that were being thrown at her. "Please make it stop!" Pinkie shouted as she closed her eyes while running. She could hear the loud thudding sound of the timberwolf's paws pounding against the ground, getting closer and closer to her. Her hoof struck something hard and she took a tumble across the carpet. She looked up to see that five ponies were standing in a straight line further away, but it was hard to see who they were because the fog was getting thicker and it was now dark out. Pinkie Pie got up when she heard the howling again and became terrified that the ponies standing on both sides of the completely torn carpet were now skeletons. They tried to reach out and grab her while moaning in agony and regret. Tears streamed down her face as she desperately wished that this terror would end. "Help!" she cried out and ran as fast as her legs would carry her. As the skeletons touched her as she ran by, they slowly turned to ashes. Pinkie Pie made it to the end of the trail where there was no more carpet left and all around her were mounds of ashes and sounds of remorseful moaning. She turned around when she smelled that familiar stench of the timberwolf's breath and couldn't move because she was stunned with fear that the timberwolf had caught up with her and was ready to devour her.

The beast opened its jaws and snapped at the terrified, sobbing pony.

Pinkie Pie closed her eyes and screamed, but after a few moments, she opened up her eyes and realized that the timberwolf was not there any longer. It was as if the creature faded away in the fog somehow. 

Pinkie sat there gasping for air, her mind still panicking. Many voices called out her name in unison from behind her.

"Pinkie Pie."

Before Pinkie Pie could turn around, her mind had already registered what ponies those voices belonged to. "Twilight? Rarity? Applejack? Fluttershy? Dashie? Where are all of you? Help me!"

The darkness faded away under the light of the moon and revealed her friends in a circle around her with Rainbow Dash dressed in a Shadowbolt's uniform.

"My best friends! Please make the terrors end! I don't want to be alone and die. Am I going to be safe here?"

"You'll be safe," Applejack assured. 

"Thank goodness! You wouldn't believe what happened to me and I can't even explain it. Ponies kept telling me that I am worthless and that I should kill myself because no one really likes me. I know those are all lies and that my sisters in Christ would never say anything like that to me," Pinkie said. 

"Well, that's not a lie," Twilight said. "We are tired of putting up with you and God doesn't love you."

"Wait, what?" Pinkie asked. "I thought you said that Jesus loved me and died for me."

"Jesus loved and died for the elect only and you are not among the elect in my opinion," Twilight said.

"I thought you told me that you didn't believe in limited atonement and said that it was a heresy just like modalism!" Pinkie exclaimed. 

"I changed my theological stance and I have come to realize that it's true. Christ has died for us and not you. You have proven yourself to not be a true Christian by the way you behave and you have no good works to show for you salvation. You are as filthy and useless as the dirty rags mentioned in the Bible."

"No," Pinkie said as she put her head down. "No one likes me anymore. What do I do now?" 

"You have to accept your fate," Rainbow Dash said. She flapped her wings causing the fog to disappear, revealing that they were all standing deep inside the Everfree forest. There were trees with scary faces and black vines with large thorns surrounding them all.

"Party time is over," Rarity said. "And life will gladly go on without a single memory of you in this world." She turned to Fluttershy and said, "Do it now."

Fluttershy let out an animal call and out from the mouths of the trees, swarms of upside down cupcakes with spider legs came out and began to scuttle quickly over to Pinkie Pie. 

"Hey! I thought Applejack said I was safe here!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. 

"I don't care 'bout tellin' the truth when it comes to somepony like yerself. Ya had yer fair share of gigglin' at the ghostly, now it's time fer the ghostly to giggle at you!"

Thick black vines with large thorns sprung from the earth and ensnared Pinkie Pie, attempting to pull her down to the earth. She tried to fight it, but the vines were overpowering and she was soon on her back, completely helpless. 

The spider-like cupcakes focused their beady red glowing eyes on their pink target and leaped onto her. The icing on them turned out to be drills and they began drilling themselves deep into her body and into her bones. Pinkie Pie screamed in terror and took one last look at her friends. They were laughing and were enjoying watching her torment without a care in the world. Pinkie Pie looked at her body that was covered with these odd creatures that covered her like swarms of ticks on a dog. She tried to move, but she could not because the vines were so strong and the thorns kept tearing deeper into her flesh. Two of the spider-like creatures climbed onto her face and drilled into her eyes, causing her to lose her vision. She couldn't see, but somehow she was not dead and was still suffering greatly. She thought that perhaps she may have died and she was now suffering in eternal torment. She didn't know, but she kept struggling. 

Pinkie Pie bucked her back legs hard as she paddled her front legs in her sleep. She was having intense nightmares again. She shot up out of bed and began clutching at her chest hoping that her heartbeat would slow down. Pinkie closed her eyes for a moment and let out a soft moan from the mental anguish. Her nightmares were continuing to get more vivid and intense. She opened up her eyes, looked at the clock and realized that it was still way too early for her to get up. It was the weekend anyway and she had off from work so she tried to go back to sleep, but her mind began racing with all kinds of thoughts that were utterly random and often horrific. 

Pinkie tossed and turned in her bed desperately trying to fall back asleep, but it was of no use. For the first time ever in her life she felt wide awake after only getting a few hours of sleep. It was like a miracle to her and she did not understand why she suddenly did not have the need for normal sleep hours. Pinkie Pie figured that she just must not need that much sleep any longer. That thought was soon forgotten when all of the sudden she felt as if she couldn't breathe. She began to inhale and exhale as deeply as she could, but no matter how hard she tried, she felt as if somepony in the room had turned the oxygen off somehow or she felt that maybe she was becoming retarded and forgot how to breathe. Either way, she became afraid and ran over to the window and opened it. She stuck her head out and gasped for air, but that did little to no good. Pinkie Pie pulled her head back inside and laid down on the floor, curled up in a ball gasping for air. 

"This is it, I'm going to die, aren't I? I'm either going to suffocate to death or I'm going to have a heart attack." She put her hoof back over her chest and felt the pounding of her heart beat faster and harder.

Eventually, she was able to recover and feel in her mind that she was breathing easier again. Her heart was still beating rapidly, but the intensity of the pounding in her chest had slowed down a bit now that she felt a little better. Pinkie Pie took a few more deep breaths just to make sure that she was Okay. "Wow! That was the craziest Pinkie sense I've ever experienced! I wonder what it meant." Pinkie Pie put her hoof to her chin and was deep in thought about that bizarre incident. She had no idea what was going on, but her mind began racing with thoughts again. These thoughts that flooded through her mind mainly consisted of all kinds of ludicrous predictions and outcomes about her future that would end in some kind of tragic and horrible manner. She tried to think about ways to stop it and remembered that Dashie told her that she often liked to exercise when she was stressed out. Pinkie Pie still had that gym membership that she wasn't exactly taking advantage of. She looked back at her bed for a moment and then looked back out the window. Was the gym open this early in the morning? She wasn't even sure if Applejack was awake yet. Still, she felt the need to get out and get moving or else something horrible would happen to her. 

Pinkie raced down the stairs. She grabbed an apple from a bowl in the kitchen, her gym membership ID which was attached to a light blue coiled plastic cord that she would wear around her neck, and a water bottle from the fridge. Pinkie Pie made it outside and began to head to the gym. She wasn't hungry right now, but she took bites of her apple anyway. She felt very lost and confused in her mind, yet she hadn't been able to think about so many things at once. Those thoughts were interrupted when her hoof got caught on a tree root sticking above the ground. She didn't fall, but she lost her balance and the half eaten apple fell into a mud puddle. Pinkie Pie suddenly felt an overwhelming rage take over her mind and her coat for a very brief moment turned crimson red. She suddenly had an intense urge to kill herself and she looked around her environment for any kind of object to put an end to her life. She did not see any, but several seconds later, she calmed down a little bit. She wasn't so angry about almost tripping, she was more angry that she didn't get to finish her apple. Normally, this would not be a big deal to her, but it drove her mind into some kind of frenzied rage for a short period of time. Pinkie Pie looked around  to see if anypony had seen her. Obviously, it was way too early in the morning for most ponies to be out since the sun had not risen yet. She was a little bit spooked and unsure why she suddenly got that angry. She used to be more prone to depression rather than rage and this was starting to become more frequent and more intense each time these anger breakouts happened over what seemed to be the littlest and most insignificant things. She began to wonder and worry if she'd truly hurt or kill herself the next time that happened. It was a very agonizing experience that she didn't want to ever feel again. She was also worried that her anger might lead her to hurting somepony else since she seemed to lose sense of reality in her mind whenever that happened.

Pinkie Pie snapped out of her trance of thoughts and continued on her way. She could now begin to see the sun rising in the distance as she approached the gym. 

There was another very large pony waiting at the doors. He had his face pressed against the glass window door like a filly or colt desperately waiting for the toy or candy shop to open. He was shaking a large bottle and carried a ten pound jug of whey protein powder on his back.

Pinkie Pie trotted up to the stallion. "Hey, is the gym going to open any time soon?"

The stallion turned around and said, "She should be here any moment!" 

"Oh, glad to hear that Snowflake," Pinkie Pie said.

The white stallion became a little ticked off. "My name is no longer Snowflake!"

"It's not? How come?" Pinkie asked. 

"Because I realized that my special lifting strength is in my biceps. From this day on, you shall refer to me none other than Bulk Biceps."

Pinkie Pie scratched her head. "Uh, Okay." Pinkie looked rather confused until she thought of something. She perked up and said, "Hey! In Biblical times, it was common for pony's names to change after a dramatic event in their lives. Did you know that?"

"Yeah, that's great," Bulk Biceps said as he continued to wait to get inside the gym.

Around the corner, a familiar white unicorn with dark shades appeared with keys around her neck and was using her magic to levitate a cup of coffee. "You guys are early today, huh?" Vinyl Scratch asked.

Bulk Bicep's eyes lit up as she inserted the key into the slot. He became a little panicked when he realized that Pinkie would be in the gym with him as well. He looked at her and said, "Don't you dare try to steal my machines or break my normal routine. I come here extra early now because I want to make sure that nopony interrupts my rhythm and flow during my workouts. Do you understand me?"

Pink felt extreme anxiety, awkwardness, and depression as she listened to him rant about not letting her interrupt his routine. She didn't say a word back to him, but when he was finished scolding her, she watched him turn and walk into the gym. It was then that the anxiety turned into a combination of fear and rage. Fear because she didn't know what to think or how to respond to a pony like that and also rage because she no longer could stand being talked to like that, especially by a stranger who she didn't know too well. Her heart was racing very fast again, yet she was very determined to attempt to work out since Twilight had also recommended exercise in the past to stay healthy. The last thing she needed was to become diabetic again and in her mind, all sorts of fears including that was a possibility. She shook her head quickly in an attempt to escape the bewildering thoughts and entered the gym. The sound of the glass door closing behind her startled her as all of her senses including her hearing became so much more sensitive. 

Pinkie had never been here when it was so quiet. The music wasn't on yet and she had no idea where to start. She walked passed several machines, looking at each one until she saw her most favorite of all. The pectoral and deltoid machine, or as she liked to call it, the hugging machine. The moment she sat down on it, the lights in the gym flickered on. She looked up at them for a moment and couldn't help but feel better. She turned around and placed the pin into a weight set that was more reasonable for her and then put her two front hooves against the handles and began to work out. 

She wasn't quite sure how she had all of this energy or how she was this wide awake at this early hour in the morning without any sugar or caffeine. Pinkie Pie could sometimes be a late sleeper and her mind could not figure out what was going on. She couldn't tell if she was being blessed or cursed during this time or if she was just having really crazy new Pinkie senses that she could not understand yet. 

"Bang! Bang! Bang!"

The sound of the metal bars clamoring against each other echoed throughout the nearly empty gym as Pinkie did each repetition with a trillion thoughts racing through her mind at once, most of them making her more anxious and fearful. The muscle burn in her pectorals made her slow down and the struggle to continue made her forget about her thoughts until she had to eventually stop. It had been a while since she had been here and she remembered when she used to come here with her friends. She didn't expect herself to be able to do what she used to do strength and stamina wise, but then again, she felt that working out as hard as she could right now was as if her life literally depended on it today.

Pinkie got off the machine and a sudden loud blast of dub-step music overtook the entire gym. It only sounded so loud because the gym was so empty and no other ponies were making noises except for Bulk Biceps. Pinkie Pie looked over at the desk and saw Vinyl Scratch watching and smiling at her. Pinkie Pie's troubles seemed to be instantly forgotten and she returned and even bigger grin back to Vinyl. "Love the beats, Vinyl!"

Vinyl Scratch was so pleased when anypony gave a compliment about the music that was played during her shift since she was the creator of it. "Thanks, Pinkie! You're looking pretty fly on that Pectoral fly machine yourself."

"Thanks!" Pinkie Pie said as she giggled madly before she happily bounced on over  to the next machine. Her attitude completely spun around and now she was so happy and bubbly because Vinyl Scratch was nice to her. It made her forget about her rage and fear experiences. Her mind was now super charged and she felt even more energetic and motivated to try harder. 

Pinkie Pie continued down the line of the machines. She had done a lot by now and had been there for about an hour. Currently, she was waiting for Bulk Biceps to finish his work out on the shoulder press machine. When he got off, he got down on the floor and began doing push ups.

Pinkie Pie figured that he was finished using the machine since he was doing another workout. She plopped her flank down on the seat, adjusted the weight, and then began doing a few reps. 

The machine made a slight squeaking noise when she did one of her reps. 

Bulk Biceps heard this and instantly turned around. He was horrified that Pinkie was on the machine. "Excuse me, but I'm still using this machine!"

"But you got off and were doing another exercise," Pinkie said feeling confused.

"I do a few reps on here and then do some push ups and get back on. I was clearly not done with it and you need to get off now! You don't even know how to do the reps correctly!"

"Hold on, please.  I just want to get five really short reps in, it won't take long," Pinkie pleaded. She had waited a long time for this machine and hoped that he might let her have a few more seconds on it before hogging it to himself again. 

"GET OFF NOW!" 

Pinkie Pie jumped out of the seat and was shocked that he wouldn't let her finish. She watched him get back on the machine and listened to him grumble as he had to reach for the pin and reset the amount of weight that he had originally put in. He then went back down on the floor and continued to do his push ups. By the time he would be done, Pinkie would have been finished and off the machine long ago. 

Bulk wasn't exactly a nasty pony outside of the gym, but he was so very driven and routine oriented that he couldn't stand when others would get in his way when it came to lifting. He was also one of those types of ponies who would try to lift a very heavy weight while only doing about half or less of the actual repetition. His pride was shattered from the time that Applejack showed him up and made him look like a fool in front of his friend and he hoped that one day he could find Applejack and out lift her. Being beaten by a pony, especially a mare at something he does best was not something he took very easily. 

Pinkie Pie felt the rage boil up in her again. She was just seconds away from saying something nasty or off color to the over-sized white Pegasus. She didn't know what to do and she certainly wasn't going to spend any more time waiting. The thought of reporting him to Vinyl Scratch didn't cross her mind because she was so mad. Pinkie Pie felt that she should leave and she stomped her way loudly to the door. On her way over, she almost pushed over a small orange filly with a pink tail and mane that was wearing boxing gloves around her neck. The little pony was Scootaloo coming for her boxing lessons that Rainbow Dash signed her up for and Pinkie Pie didn't seem to notice her, nor did Scootaloo recognize Pinkie for one very obvious reason. 

Vinyl Scratch also became very confused when she saw Pinkie walking by. She took off her sunglasses and studied this strange new mare. To her, it looked like Pinkie Pie, but with a totally different colored coat. She figured that perhaps not having enough coffee was making her see things differently. 

Outside, Pinkie Pie fumed with anger. She couldn't stand what had happened and being criticized put her over the edge. She may not have been able to do every machine that she liked, but her body was tired enough from what she did. She couldn't figure out why she was all of the sudden so sensitive to every little thing and why her mind could not rest no matter what she did. Was she demon possessed? She didn't know, but now that the anger was slowing fading away, she remembered how ecstatic she was when Vinyl Scratch complimented her. She felt like she was high, full of energy and had overwhelmingly positive motivation at that time. It was unreal how fast her mood could change within a matter of seconds and right now, she was still a little bit on the high side thanks to those ridiculously bright gym lights and the loud dub-step music, but there was also that nagging extreme agitation and lingering anger that she had from that incident with Bulk Biceps. 

By the time she got home, her coat was restored back to its normal pink color, and when she walked inside, she was met by Mister and Misses Cake having some breakfast together. 

"Pinkie?" Mister Cake asked. "How on earth are you up this early? Was your favorite comedy show moved to an earlier hour or something?

"Nope! I'm just having a super good day and got up early and went to the gym!"

"Well, I'm very glad to hear that! It looks like you're still out of breath from your workout!"

"Pinkie Pie looked down at her chest and noticed that it was rising and falling quite rapidly. She wasn't tired from the workout and tried to understand why she was breathing like that. It suddenly hit her that she believed that she was suffocating again. "Actually, I think we might need to turn up the oxygen in this room," she replied. "I'm going to head upstairs now."

Mister and Misses Cake watched Pinkie Pie bounce up the stairs and then stared at each other with confusion. 

"Turn the oxygen up in this room?" Mister Cake asked out loud.

"You know she sometimes doesn't know what she's talking about when she gets hyper. I bet she had one too many cookies this morning," Misses Cake replied. 

In her room, Pinkie Pie watched nervously as her chest rose and fell. She felt that maybe it would be a good idea to take a bath to help her relax, with Gummy of course. 

Pinkie Pie stuck her leg under the bed and waited. Sure enough, she felt something clasp down onto her front leg. She pulled her leg out and Gummy was attached to it. This made her cheer up a bit more and she forgot about the feeling of a lack of oxygen in the house. A smile crept onto Pinkie's face as she stared at her pet. She loved Gummy. Heck, she threw pre and after birthday parties for him because he was so special to her. Pinkie Pie rushed into the bathroom and turned the tub faucet on. She unlatched Gummy from her leg and placed him on the ledge of the tub. He waddled over to a bar of soap and chomped down on it. His taste buds quickly made him spit it out leaving a trail of bubbles floating in the air. 

Pinkie Pie stuck her front leg in the water and swished it around. She felt that it was perhaps just a little too warm for her and Gummy, so she turned the knob slightly to the right for a moment. Pinkie Pie became agitated when she felt that the water was now too cool. She saw that the tub was starting to overflow with water and she couldn't fill it anymore without ruining the floor.

Pinkie Pie let out a groan in agony and plunged her head into the water and pulled out the plug with her teeth, letting all the water quickly drain. "It just doesn't feel right," she muttered under her breath. She put the plug back in the tub and started over again. She still couldn't get it to be the temperature she wanted since every time she tried to add a little more colder water, it ended up being too cold in her opinion.

Pinkie Pie had no idea why she was so agitated again or why on earth this was such a big deal that she get the water temperature just right for her and Gummy. It was almost as if Gummy were Rarity's pet cat and needed everything to be exactly right no matter what. Pinkie Pie attempted to adjust the temperature of the water again, but it was just slightly too warm in her opinion. She zipped downstairs and took out a tray of ice cubes. She placed a few ice cubes in the tub and watched them melt. Pinkie Pie stuck her front leg in the tub. "That feels better for now, I guess." She climbed into the tub and laid back with a mighty sigh. She noticed Gummy waddling over to her on the ledge of the tub and grabbed him with her two front hooves. She brought the tiny alligator closer to her face and stared at him. "Why am I so different, Gummy? she asked. "Why did it matter so much? You don't care how hot or cold the water is, do you? Why am I so sensitive to every single little thing?" 

Gummy's eyes blinked out of sync. 

Pinkie Pie sighed once more and dropped in another ice cube. No matter how hard she tried to make things feel right, it didn't matter. Something always felt a little off and it bugged her to no end. The only pony who she knew that could be like this was Rarity, and not even she would behaved in a manner like this unless it involved a stallion she was interested in or her dress work. Even Twilight could be a bit OCD at times and she had one very bad instance of OCD, but Pinkie was like this every day now. She was afraid how it would effect her work if she was making such a big fuss over this and couldn't figure out why. She continued to stare at her pet alligator and asked, "Why do things feel so ridiculously good and then in a blink of an eye, everything feels horribly wrong and then I get so angry and sad? Why does my mind never stop thinking so many thoughts? I don't even know how I'm going to sleep tonight. Do I even need sleep anymore, Gummy?" 

Gummy's eyes blinked out of sync again. He then started getting antsy in her hooves, trying to indicate what he wanted. 

Pinkie Pie was no animal communication expert like Fluttershy, but she knew what he wanted. She brought him close to her head and the alligator opened his mouth wide and then gladly latched onto her ear with his mouth. This is where he enjoyed staying and he loved the feeling of biting her ear the most. Pinkie reached over for her bubble bath bottle and a yellow rubber ducky. She emptied the bottle into the water and tossed it aside. She hoped that maybe something would make her smile once more.

Pinkie Pie sat there in the tub twirling her front hoof around in the water as her mind once again started to race with all kinds of thoughts, ideas and occasionally tragic and horrific ends to her life in the worst imaginable ways to her. It seemed that her mind was always racing and over-analyzing things no matter what kind of mood she was in. If taking a bubble bath with her pet and a rubber ducky wasn't going to calm her down, then she had no idea what else would. Pinkie Pie felt what she thought was sweat dripping down her face, but she was crying and was oblivious to it. She wiped the tears from her chin and decided that maybe it was time to get out of the bath. She pulled the plug out and stepped onto the hoof towel on the floor. She walked over to the mirror and wiped the fog off of it with her hoof. She looked and studied herself. "Who are you?" she asked out loud. She stood there and continued to stare as if almost expecting her reflection in the mirror to respond to her question. After staring for a while, she felt a deep hurt about herself and she could no longer bear to see her image any longer. Pinkie Pie put her head down low and walked back into her room. She unlatched Gummy from her ear and placed him on her pillow. 

Pinkie began thinking about what she might be able to do to calm herself down and thought that maybe reading would help. There she saw her Bible on her desk, the Amplified version. She had no idea why this was her favorite version. She just thought amplified sounded so much more cool. Pinkie Pie grabbed the book and plopped herself belly down on her bed. She opened it up to a random page and began reading through the Psalms. Pinkie raced through the words as she found herself turning page after page. She couldn't believe how fast she was reading. After turning three pages, she tried to remember what she read but her mind was completely blank, so she went back and re-read everything again. Once more she had no idea what she was reading. Pinkie Pie closed the book and threw it against the wall in frustration. She noticed that on the side of the bed, there was a magazine she was subscribed to for her baking ideas. Obviously, the Bible was too much for Pinkie's mind to handle right now. As much as she didn't want to admit this, she needed a teacher like Twilight to walk her through it. The thought angered her because her heart was becoming bitter and she did not want to be with her sisters in Christ anymore. She wanted to do this life with Jesus alone and she had no idea how damaging and poor that idea was. Pinkie Pie flipped through the pages and began reading an article on how to make cupcakes even tastier. The article was only a few paragraphs long and she hoped that she could do better reading this instead. It was easy reading but for her, she strained in concentration to stay focused and attempted to slowly read each word, but her eyes kept reading so fast and she couldn't slow down or focus. She soon realized that she was skipping over entire sentences. Pinkie Pie shoved the magazine off her bed and began to ponder about why she felt so different. She knew that she had bad A.D.D., but this was taking it to a whole new level. Pinkie Pie's mind continued to run into overdrive and her heart began to beat a little faster. She almost forgot that she represented the element of laughter and that she was Ponyville's party pony. That's when the idea hit her, it was time to have some fun for once.

Pinkie Pie grabbed Gummy and headed downstairs. She set him down on a stool and tied balloons to it but, there was something wrong. She needed to have friends over for the party and even though deep down inside she desperately wanted to see her friends again, she was angry with them because she felt that Rainbow Dash had rejected her. It was time for plan B. Pinkie Pie got the strangest sense of deja vu as she pulled out Madame Le Flour, Rocky, Mister Turnip, and Sir Lintsalot. Pinkie Pie brought out cake and tea for her imaginary friends. She felt accomplished when she looked around at the set up. She turned to Gummy and said, "Happy Two hundred and Twenty six point four days until your birthday!" Pinkie Pie giggled madly for a moment and then stopped. The smile on her face gradually turned into a frown. She felt empty inside. No, this wasn't going to work. Pinkie Pie let out a grunt in disapproval and knocked everything off the table. She had enough of this and her agitation sky rocketed. "Jesus bucking Christ," she thought to herself. Pinkie held her breath for a moment and thought about those three things that went through her mind. She suddenly felt guilty and afraid. Guilty for thinking such a terrible phrase and afraid because something like that would has never crossed her mind in the past and she wasn't sure if God would punish her for thinking such an awful thing. 

She did something that she should have done a while ago. She got down prone on the floor and prayed. "Dear Jesus, I first need to say that I'm sorry for what I thought. I didn't plan to think that, it just happened. Please don't punish me for that. I know it was really wrong of me to think that, but it's just so hard to control my thoughts right now. I don't know what's happening to me, but I think there might be a demon inside of me, yet at times I feel so sharp and good that I don't even know if I want to change at all. Maybe if you could please let me feel more high and super duper happy more often, that would be great. Sometimes, I just can't take these sad and angry moments and I feel like I'm going to hurt myself. I don't know why I hate You sometimes and it feels like I'm going to become the next anti-Christ. It's so scary and no matter how sad I get, my mind and heart are always racing. I just want the suffering to end, but I really don't mind the boost of energy that I sometimes have. I hope you understand. Just You and I will get through this together because my friends don't care about me anymore. In Jesus' name I pray, amen." Pinkie Pie felt convicted about that last thing she said. She truly wasn't sure if her friends loved her or not and decided to tell that lie over and over in her head until she believed it was true because she was so hurt and felt alienated. 

Pinkie Pie laid there on the floor with her eyes still closed, her mind gushing with fears of death and sadistic torture that she imagined she may face. She had never felt so agitated and was sweating from the suffering she was going through. The thought crossed her mind for a moment about asking the Cakes to take her to the hospital, but she was very afraid of what they might do to her. She decided that she'd simply lay there on the wooden floor until the suffering would go away. She wanted to die right now, but at the same time she was absolutely terrified of death, especially since she was now unsure if she was going to be going to Hell or not. Pinkie Pie had assumed that these horrible feelings would pass, but little did she know that she was putting her own life and perhaps even the lives of others in danger by not seeking help. She remembered a song that she used to sing as a filly that had always brought a smile to her face. She sung it often when she was sad and needed comfort. Her voice cracked a bit as she began to softly sing to herself as the tears streamed down her cheeks. "With Jesus in the boat you can smile through the storm, smile through the storm, smile through the storm. With Jesus in the boat you can smile through the storm. When you're sailing hoooome." Singing that song made no difference to her now even though it was one of her most favorite songs as a filly. She felt cold, alone, and as if God was no longer with her.