The Adventures of Spectrum Slash

by CCC

Prologue: Spectrum Slash

Spectrum Slash was the most awesome pegasus ever. Her mane and coat were every colour of the rainbow, and every time she flew anywhere, she left a rainbow trail in the air, even if she wasn't going all that fast, because she was just that awesome. She was faster, and stronger, than any other pegasus ever, and she never ever crashed and always flew exactly how she wanted to. And if some stupid pegasus were to consider bullying her, Spectrum would just look at the bully, and let her inner awesomeness shine through, and the bully would fall quivering to the ground in terror. But Spectrum Slash was not one to hold grudges, and so she wouldn't do anything nasty to anypony ever; she would just stroll away, leaving the bully with the sheer and certain knowledge of their complete lameness.

Twilight lowered the thick manuscript and glared at Rainbow Dash over the top of it. "Are you serious?" she asked.

"Is there something wrong with it?" asked Rainbow, nervously.

"This 'Spectrum Slash' is shaping up to be a real Mare-Sue character." said Twilight. "Multicoloured rainbow mane, yes, but multicoloured rainbow coat?"

"Rainbows are awesome." said Rainbow Dash, flatly.

"And that's precisely the problem." replied Twilight. "Your character is everything that you consider 'awesome' and nothing that you don't. Let me see if I can guess how this goes; Spectrum never runs into any sort of danger that is the slightest threat to her, right?"

"Of course there's lots of threats to her!" insisted Rainbow.

"Really?" asked Twilight, handing the manuscript back. "Then can you show me one?"

"Sure!" Rainbow took the pages in her wings, and flipped through them to a certain passage. "Here."

"Let me see..."

Spectrum Slash flew through the forest, looking up at the clouds and birds.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" cried a voice. It was Daring Do! Spectrum had almost run right in to her!

"Oh, hello, Daring Do." said Spectrum Slash. "I am sorry, I almost did not see you there. It is a good thing that you called out, or else I might have hurt you by accident."

Daring Do looked at Spectrum Slash, and even though she wasn't normally attracted to mares, she felt a strong attraction to this rainbow pegasus.

"I think I am in love with you." cried Daring Do.

"Well, I am awesome." said Spectrum Slash, modestly. She was used to hearing this from other ponies. "But I'm really not interested in mares in that way."

"Oh, I see." said Daring Do. "I will of course respect your choice completely. But now you must be quiet. I am sneaking up on Ahuizotl and he must not know that I am here."

"Then you probably shouldn't have cried out that you were in love with Spectrum Slash so loudly!" said Ahuizotl, jumping out of the trees.

"Aaaah!" cried Daring Do, frightened. "It is Ahuizotl!"

Daring was so scared that her wings slammed shut and she fell over onto her back. "I am scared!" she cried out.

"Ah, at last, my revenge is at hand!" cried out Ahuizotl, moving threateningly towards Daring. But Ahuizotl had forgotten about Spectrum Slash!

Spectrum Slash stepped forward, and stamped her hoof so fast that is made a sonic rainboom with just one hoof. "Ahuizotl!" she said. "Listen to me!"

Ahuizotl jumped at the sound of the rainboom. "What is it?" he asked.

"Why do you have to be so mean?" asked Spectrum Slash. "Wouldn't it be better if you were good, then you could work with Daring instead of fighting against her all the time?"

Ahuizotl thought about that for a bit. "I see." he said. "You are right. That would be better. Then I would have a friend. Then I will be good from now on."

"That is good." said Spectrum Slash, with a nod.

Twilight raised both hooves to her forehead and groaned. "It's even worse than I thought." she said.

"What's worse than you thought?" asked Rainbow.

"Both Daring Do - who, I'd like to remind you, is a real pony that you have personally met - and Ahuizotl, who you have also met, are severely out of character in this scene. I mean, love at first sight? Can you get any more cliche than that?"

"But it wasn't love at first sight." pointed out Rainbow. "Spectrum didn't fall in love with Daring."

"Well, thank goodness for that." said Twilight. "But even one-way; I mean, can you imagine A.K. Yearling falling that hard that fast for some mare she'd never seen before?"

Rainbow Dash looked up at the ceiling for a long moment, dutifully imagining it. "Yes." she replied, after a moment.

Twilight groaned. "Do you think that there's any chance that something like that might ever happen?" she asked.

"Well, no." admitted Rainbow Dash.

Twilight smiled slightly.

"But that's only because there isn't a mare quite as awesome as Spectrum Slash." pointed out Rainbow. "If there was, half the ponies ever would be falling in love with her all the time. Oh, and all the stallions. So I have to reflect that in my story."

Twilight's smile vanished. "Look, Rainbow - Spectrum is just too unbelievable. There's no way that somepony like that could exist."

"Well, yeah." said Rainbow. "The sheer awesome would be a danger to the silk of space-time. That's why, at the end, she has to leave the universe and all her friends to keep them safe."

"The... silk of space-time?" asked Twilight.

"Is that wrong?" asked Rainbow. "I know I've heard you talking about the fabric of space-time, so I went and asked Rarity about types of fabric, 'cos she knows about that sort of stuff, and -"

Twilight sighed. "All right, all right, I get the picture." she said. "For future reference, the fabric of space-time isn't a specific type of fabric, it's just... fabric. Stuff. But that's unimportant at the moment. Just look at what you've done to Ahuizotl."

"What's wrong with Ahuizotl?" asked Rainbow Dash, defensively. "I made sure to make him totally scary!"

"You made Daring Do, who's fought Ahuizotl countless times before, keel over in fear at his mere appearance."

"Well, yeah, somepony's got to keel over in fear, so that the reader can see just how scary Ahuizotl is, right? And it couldn't be Spectrum Slash, 'cos she's too awesome to be scared, so it had to be Daring Do."

Twilight groaned. "Rainbow," she said, "you've seen Ahuizotl and Daring fight. Ahuizotl is not going to make Daring keel over in fear like that. And then you made him decide to be a good guy after, what, one sentence of persuasion?"

"Well... yeah." said Rainbow. "'Cos friendship is magic, right? I mean, if it worked on Discord, then of course it'd work on some two-bit villain like Ahuizotl."

"Rainbow... there is so much wrong with that sentence that I don't even know where to start." said Twilight. "And your dialogue! Your dialogue is terrible!"

"There's nothing wrong with my dialogue!" insisted Rainbow.

"People don't talk like that!" insisted Twilight. "I mean, look at this bit..."

"Oh, I see." said Daring Do. "I will of course respect your choice completely."

"People should talk like that." said Rainbow, folding her forelegs.

"...you have a point." admitted Twilight. "A small point. In that the sentiment expressed is noble. But the phrasing is clunky and unrealistic. And Spectrum was never threatened in that entire scene!"

"Of course she was." replied Rainbow. "Ahuizotl was threatening her."

"Ahuizotl wasn't a credible threat!" snapped Twilight. "It's like trying to say that a, a mouse was threatening a pegasus. It's just not realistic!"

"Some of Fluttershy's mice are mean." said Rainbow, quietly.

"Is there anywhere in this story where Spectrum actually runs into a villain who's powerful enough to be a credible threat?" asked Twilight.

"Um...." Rainbow considered the question. "There's Nightmare Moon... no, too easy, just punched the Nightmare out of her... she wasn't stopped by the zillion changelings... punched Sombra out of the Crystal Empire... kicked Tirek so hard all his magic went back to where he'd taken it from... ah! She runs into Discord near the end. He's powerful enough to be a 'credible' threat, right?"

Twilight glared at Rainbow. "We shall see." she said.

"Stop being evil right now, Discord!" said Spectrum Slash, firmly.

"Oh, dear me." said Discord, raising an eagle claw to his head in mock distress. "What a terribly persuasive argument! What ever shall I do?"

"You can stop being evil!" said Spectrum Slash.

"Hmmm." said Discord. "Nah."

"Well, that's a slight improvement, at least." said Twilight. "Discord's not being persuaded by the first sentence out of Spectrum's mouth, and you seem to be doing a better job with the dialogue."

"What?" asked Rainbow Dash. She peered over Twilight's shoulder.

Spectrum stared at Discord in disbelief. "But... but you have to stop being evil!" Spectrum said. "I asked you to!"

"And I said 'no'." said Discord, firmly.

"But... but you can't do that! That's not how things work!"

"Yes," said Discord, "I've noticed. This really is a fascinating universe, isn't it?"

"That's not what I wrote." said Dash.

"Of course not." said Discord. "But I heard you needed some help getting the characters quite right, and so I thought I'd make sure that my delightful self, at least, was properly represented. You don't mind, do you?"

"Who are you talking to?" asked Spectrum Slash.

"Be quiet." said Discord. "Not you."

"This is ridiculous." said Twilight. "There can't be a universe inside a book."

The page in front of Twilight rippled slightly, and a dragonequus' head poked out of it. "Are you sure of that?" asked Discord.

"Of course I am!" said Twilight. "Writing words on a page does not create a universe, and can not create a universe!"

"And could this universe not have already existed beforehand?" asked Discord, smiling.

"No!" said Twilight. "I refuse to believe that such a ridiculous universe could ever possibly exist!

"Get out of my story, Discord!" insisted Rainbow.

"Oh, but you heard your friend here." said Discord, with a grin. "I can't be in it, because the inside of it doesn't exist. Besides, I'm just trying to be helpful."

"You're ruining my story!" insisted Rainbow.

"No," said Twilight, "trust me on this, he's not ruining it. In fact, he's improving it, a lot. At least now you've got one character in character."

"There, you see?" said Discord. "Besides, this world is kind of fun; nopony ever says no to any attempt at persuasion. I'd love to see what happens if I go and explain the benefits of chocolate rain to this version of Celestia."

"Discord," said Rainbow Dash, "if you mess up my sto-"

"Oh, how could I have forgotten?" continued Discord. "This is for you." He reached out of the page with his lion paw, holding a pegasus by the scruff of the neck. The pegasus had a rainbow-striped mane, and a rainbow-striped coat, and no visible cutie mark. Discord dropped the pegasus on the floor, and with a final cry of "Toodles!" he vanished back into the page.

Spectrum Slash looked around the room. "What bizarre world has Discord brought me to?" she asked.