//------------------------------//
// Amends 
// Story: Conscious 
// by TwizzleDragon 
//------------------------------//

I awoke that night to the cold. It was later than normal, technically it was early, since to these creatures the day begins in the middle of the night. I didn't feel much, before, or at all in my memory for that matter, before this night. The cold was a conscious remark, never a sensation. Here I am thinking words that I can never know the meaning to, acting like a wise being when all I've done is observe. To speak, yet never understand, as a big of a tragedy as to cry and never be sad. Perhaps though it is that I think too much for my thoughts to be heard or my words to be pronounced un-slurred. My memories... they begin to fade, but I do not remember, so how can I have really forgotten? I did not choose my life to begin now, with this filly, to get off my mound and do what I have never, and I did not choose to be born without knowledge of how my kind come to be. Here I am, the idiot of my kind. The Omega. The Outcast.

I sighed, blowing air onto the filly. I watched as the tiny hair strands moved to the flow of my breath. What was this like to her? I envied the child, she could experience so much more than me, all I could do is watch and listen, perhaps this was all she needed me to do. Sometimes thoughts and words are as helpful as salt to an open wound.

I continued to watch the sky and all its beauty, still wondering about home for the filly. What was home for her though? Home for me was a place with family, yet I was just a stranger. How is that a home at all? I could care for her out here, in my world. Ah, there I go again, acting as if I am wise amongst this world. The stars will do that to you, they glisten so bright, make the darkness seem so faint, and seem so small, but size is always underestimated. I stayed there, watching the stars begin to fade out into their own light, and as day arrived, the filly began to warm and wake. 

The filly had been talking in her slumber. She had been in a very deep sleep. Her illness was consuming her mind. She told an unusual tale. She spoke of creatures known as friends, not ponies, and even gave them specific titles. She knew them as Sweetie Belle and Applebloom. I never had much time to study ponies, as they were fretting whenever my kind came about. I could only conceive the idea that a friend was a rank in their society, much like Alpha and Beta in mine. She made it out that she must’ve possessed this rank too, as she spoke of them as equals. They were different though, so I still could not understand. She never gave herself a title in her entire night tale. I hoped for something other than filly, but there simply wasn’t any evidence other than her gender placement. Her speech went into her adventures with the friends. It was like the trio was exploring the world, and themselves, quite a bit. I envied the filly. She, of young age, had so much time spent discovering herself, and I had centuries spent discovering nothing but knowledge, most of it used in spite of my own kind. I was a failure. I wasn’t a timberwolf in spirit. Oh how life plays tricks on the few, and order favors the many. She was a fire, and I, the ashen timber. She would be the death of me, but my death would keep her alive. A fine trade, in my perspective. It wasn’t some depressive reasoning behind it, but logical favor. I hoped that when this was over she could think of me as a friend that she spoke of earlier. I think I’d like to be that. It sounds nice, unlike what my kind called each other. I did not miss them at all, yet I felt I should have. Is that a form of longing? Missing the feeling of missing something, what a confusing thing it is.

I picked up the filly, as enough light was out to see my way around. There was nothing at the summit, only dust and rocks around the slanted top. I had no heading now, what would I do? It wouldn’t be smart to just take off in a random direction again. No, she needed help, things that I could not give. I made my way down the way I came up, despite everything I argued against myself every which way I tried. There were more turns down the cavern than what I remembered. I soon found myself in a tunnel leading out the side of the mountain. I was stuck out of a ledge, it wasn’t very wide, but enough to get by. I feared the fall, as the ledge did not seem very sturdy. It wasn’t long till I found my way onto the forest floor.

It was damp, but I did not recall any rain from the night before. The grass seemed to be soaked recently, perhaps something washed through here, but what could have caused this? I felt silly for being so interested in it. Maybe I needed more sleep. Did I even need sleep? Maybe not sleep, but I knew I needed something.

I kept my way through the forest, there seemed to be waves, or rather a route that the dampness followed. It wasn’t downhill or anything that it should have followed, it was the most random pattern, if it was one at all, just wandering through the forest, as if someone was going around with a very large, leaky bucket. It was then that I heard it moving, maybe even speaking in its own strange tongue. It was like a tree, but moving. It was I, or rather, one of my kind, if we stood upright and not on all our legs at once. Chase took way in my mind, but in reality, I stood and watched it, everything seemed distant but the creature. It hymed in tunes and cleansed the ground as it wandered the forest. It had an odd face, a flat one, but only used two legs, while the other two swang freely as it moved about. If it was intelligent to hym a song, perhaps a conversation, perhaps help? I had to know.

I moved closer, not too fast, in case it would become scared or threatened, but it turned its head when I got close, and just turned back, not a care towards me at all. But then, after a pause, and my continuum to follow, it played along.

I could not understand it at all, but it seemed to speak the same language as every other creature in this land, but with a lisp or a slur that was severe. I could’ve been wrong though, so as always, I played the part of the mute. I laid the filly down, and nudged her towards the creature. He knelt down and looked at her for a time being. His words came with no translation, and this was clear to him that I did not know what he was saying. When he got up he pointed in a direction and I assumed he meant for me to head that way, in the shadow of the mountain still. He went on his way, cleansing his forest. I had nothing to call him but a memory now. I assume thats all most people will ever be in someone else's life, just a memory. I wonder how they cope with that outside of here, because in the end we lose everything but our memories, after that its an eternity in the abyss.

I followed in that direction for some ways before I stopped at a stream. I think the filly was starting to recover, unless she was just so used to the pain by now it didn’t matter. Is that a sad thing, or just evolution being a genius at itself? She got up enough after I sat her down so she could get a drink without my help. The stream was clear and the water seemed healthy, it was clear and running through a dirt bank. Everything seemed safe and calm, but that’s the frightening part. There were small lizards running about, they appeared friendly. The most they could have been were pests as they crawled into my crevices and made me their home. I did not mind for some reason, as they did not care for the filly at all. When she was done, I picked her back up and crossed the stream. It seemed like we’d make it out of the forest soon, as the trees began to diminish, like my fears of her death.

I could see it near, a fence line not a mile away. The only question in my mind was if this was her real home. We had traveled so far, and in circles I had no idea about. I could see other ponies just like her frollocking about near a pond. They seemed to be enjoying the water on this hot day. I wish I could do the same. It seemed so warm, so very, very warm. The filly, sitting knitty on my head, became excited as she saw the same things as I. Her joy made me feel even warmer. I think I felt good, but how could I be sure what I felt?

I knew not to get too near, so at the edge of the forest I sat her down. She was healthy enough now to limp off towards her kind. I knew this was the end of our journey. I hoped the best for her now, and forever after. There was never a name to give her, but I think I can refer to her as my friend. 

I felt a sensation I had never felt before. Maybe this was what it felt to be alive. I was warm, but this was too much. There was a pain in my hind leg, so I turned to look. Those harmless little lizards, how stupid and arrogant I had been. I was singed and burning. Fire Salamanders. I watched my body fall apart, into pieces, into ash, and the embers glowed brightly. I stared and watched with awe, not sadness. Destruction was a form of beauty, and beauty must be seen from all sides to be known. Here was the wasting of my life, and now I was stuck with just my memories. I always wondered what death would be like, and as the flames scorched my head, I had found my opportunity. An endless dream, could that be the abyss, or is it a labyrinth I can never escape?