A white unicorn sits behind her desk, moonlight gently streaming in through the windows, it’s gentle beams of light catch in her elegantly-coiffed violet mane. She takes another sip of her honey tea and adjusts her microphone one last time. In a room next to hers, a mint-green unicorn speaks, her voice crackling through the speakers.
“Are you ready, Rarity?” the voice asks, causing the white unicorn to jump up. Everyday, the mint-green unicorn asks her if her coworker’s ready, and everyday, she manages to startle Rarity.
“Of course, darling,” Rarity says, before draining the dregs of her tea and giving her colleague her best reassuring smile. “On your mark, Lyra.”
Lyra flips a few switches on a board made of switches before gesturing at Rarity. Rarity leans towards the microphone and speaks, her voice filling the air and being broadcast to every corner of her sleepy little town. “A friendly forest community, where the moon is beautiful, the sun is… absent, and a gentle fog from the Everfree caresses us while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Pony Vale.”
***
Our top story tod– tonight, excuse me, is the opening of the bakery Sugarcube Corner. Now, I know many of you have watched as the building grew from a tiny seedling planted by the mysterious hooded bipedal figures that occasionally frequent our town into the absolutely delightful bakery it is today, and some of you might be tempted to go in and buy something to eat. I know I’ve found the smells wafting from the building to be positively delightful, and I’m sure the smell of vanilla cupcakes that surrounds the building will be an absolute delight for our community in the following years.
However, I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everypony not to go in the bakery. Whatever you do, do not go into the bakery, the town council has decreed it to be strictly off-limits. If for some reason, the doors to the bakery open, do not walk in. Do not look at the bakery. Do not think about the bakery. Do not look at the hooded bipedal figures that occasionally emerge from the bakery, and definitely do not look at or think about Pink Herald. If at any time you should find yourself considering these forbidden thoughts, stop immediately and instead think about the pleasant aroma of vanilla cupcakes. Mhmm… cupcakes. How delightful.
On a lighter, or should I say, darker note, the sun failed to rise today. Applejack, you know, the farmer was the first pony to notice when she walked outside to tend to her orchard this morning, or not-morning. Reactions on the missed day have been decidedly mixed. “I like it,” one townsperson said from her own house after spending several minutes questioning just how our reporter managed to slip through her locked door. “I’ve been wanting to take some me time for so long, but just haven’t had the time. Today was just what I needed.”
Business owners have been decidedly less enthusiastic. “Today’s a perfect example of why we need to change our town’s curfew laws,” local business magnate, Filthy Rich said. “Sure, they might’ve had a place back when the night howlers first moved into town, but in the past few years, they’ve barely killed anypony. We have to accept that night howlers are just a part of life here in Pony Vale, and it’s time we stopped letting them control when we can and can’t go outside. If ponies can’t go outside, they can’t work, and our economy suffers for it.”
Well, I don’t know about you Pony Vale, but I think the occasional sunless day is a good thing. So long, we scurry from point to point in the bustle of modern life, and never take the time to think. Think about who we are, what we want, and where we want to be going, an evening spent thinking in our homes as the night howlers maraud through town, checking for any unlocked doors is the perfect opportunity for self-reflection.
Local scientists are attempting to discover just why the sun didn’t rise today. Leading theories are that Equus’s rotation has slowed down, leading to a prolonged period of darkness. Town sponsored scientists, continue their research, but I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everypony that this has nothing to do with our supposedly immortal ruler Princess Celestia. We live in an enlightened age, one where ponies are free to unlock the scientific mysteries that keep the universe from unravelling, but still the crown tries to convince us that magic is real, just to secure the tyrant Celestia’s power base.
Remember, Pony Vale, magic is not real, no matter how much the crown says otherwise. Alicorns are not real. All evidence to the contrary is nothing more than a fabrication created by the ancient dragon cabal that seeks to keep pony minds ignorant. Do not allow yourself to fall to their sweet promising lies.
Now, a note from Rainbow Dash:
Hey guys, I’m Rainbow Dash, head of the Pony Vale weather team. I just wanted to take the time to deal with a few rumors that have been cropping up around town lately. First of all, the weather team still has an important role to play in Pony Vale even if the weather this close to the Everfree is impossible to control. Second, the thermometers we gave to everypony in town are not listening in on your conversations, so feel free to put those in your living room or anywhere you spend a lot of time talking. Finally, can Autumn Berry, Snow Almond, Apple Jubilee, and Honey Cupcake report to the weather station soon? If you can’t make it today, that’s totally fine, I’ll send a few pegasi to pick you up tomorrow. I’ll talk to you later, and remember, the weather team is dedicated to keeping Pony Vale safe from all weather-related threats. All weather-related threats.
Ahahaha, just a reminder, any suggestions given by the weather team are to be considered direct orders, and absolute compliance is mandatory. The weather team just wants to make sure all our citizens are safe and informed about the weather. Anypony mentioned in the announcement should head to the grey windowless concrete bunker that the weather team calls their headquarters. If you need help getting past the several layers of barbed wire that surround the perimeter, a weather pegasus will be happy to ferry you into the building.
Ooh! Listeners, you will not believe what Lyra just put on my desk. Apparently, in Ponyville – Ugh, dreadful hideous Ponyville – Princess Celestia has gone missing. The rumor in town is that her disappearance is somehow tied to the sun’s, and… six mares have gone into the heart of the Everfree to rescue her. Listeners, I’d like to talk to you again about the dangers of believing in magic.
In Ponyville, six mares have just thrown their lives away because they believed in magic. Because they believed Princess Celestia – who probably isn’t even real – is the immortal ruler of the sun. I know we tend to think of magic as harmless. We think that there’s no way such a silly little belief could actually hurt ponies, but now we can see first hoof what happens when ponies believe what the crown is constantly trying to force down our throats. We must believe in things that are real. We must believe in science. We must believe in the scientific method. We must – We must – believe in the equations carved around the base of all our houses to ward us from evil. I can not stress how important it is we keep believing in those equations.
On a more positive note, I can only assume Celestia’s disappearance is the spark of the proletariat revolution our town founders propheci– predicted. They predicted. Prophecy is in the domain of magic, and thus not real. I will keep you updated on the burgeoning revolution, and I’d urge all listeners to find their firearms and stay close to the radio while the situation develops. If the crown is falling, then Pony Vale will be there to sweep away the corrupt old order and usher in an age of reason and understanding. Fear of the unknown shall be replaced by fear of the known. The terrible knowns that keep us up every night as surely as the screams of the night howlers.
Now, a message from our sponsors. Grass, it’s a simple thing, isn’t it? We relish it’s feeling under our hooves, and use it in all the finest dishes. But do we ever really ask ourselves what grass is? Food? Scenery? Something greater than we could ever imagine? We eat the grass blindly, obliviously shoveling it down our ever-hungering throats. We fill ourselves with the grass until there is nothing left. We fill ourselves with the grass until we are no more, our bodies collapsing into the ground, always eager to devour us.
Our bodies are consumed inch by inch by the worms and maggots as roots wrap around our empty husk, draining us of what little value we have left. Above us, the grass grows tall and our daughters eat the grass. We eat the grass. We eat our mothers. Brought to you by Hayburger. Hay, what’s for dinner?
Listeners, the door to Sugarcube Corner has opened, and the hooded bipedal figures are emerging into town, gaping mouths open as chanting from a long-forgotten language fills the town. Oh no… Listeners, the pink herald has emerged from Sugarcube Corner. The Pink Herald is in Pony Vale, her terrible violently pink form available for all to behold and despair. Remember, for your own safety, do not look at the Pink Herald. Just ignore her, and she’ll go away eventually.
The mysterious bipedal figures are walk– no, hovering through the town’s streets, forcing the night howlers back as they move. Listeners, through my equation-etched window, I can see – making a point not to look directly at the mysterious hooded bipedal figures – the mysterious bipedal figures are pushing the night howlers back into the Everfree forest. For the first time in years, we can go outside at night. I’d say we should all thank the mysterious hooded figures who saved our town from the terrible night howlers, but under no circumstances should we speak to the hooded figures. That, listeners, is strictly forbidden by the town council, and their will is unassailable.
The chanting of the mysterious bipedal figures is fading, and for the first time in years, ponies are walking the streets of Pony Vale at night. Mayor Mare is stepping out from the town flanked by two of the… figures that Lyra is now informing me I should stop speaking about. The mayor is setting up her emergency press conference podium, and ponies are being drawn towards her as if in a hypnotic trance. To hear her announcement, I turn now to my reliable scrying orb, a perfectly valid scientific instrument..
Let’s see, yes, the mayor is opening her mouth and a terrible screech that reverberates and claws at my soul springs from it. Everypony around her is taking up the scream and it is now filling the town, with a thousand ponies taking up her call. Silence falls upon the crowd as our town’s happy little anthem concludes, and ponies are glancing expectantly at the mayor, whose mouth is still wide open.
Yes, she’s speaking now, her mouth still completely unmoving as she says, “Celebrate and rejoice, for this night shall last forever. All hail this new age of darkness.” The mayor is now closing her mouth and glancing nervously at the… figures who are giving her a nod of approval, and she is now shuffling back into the town hall.
Did you hear that Pony Vale? It looks like this night’s going to go on even longer than we expected. I, for one, am quite excited about this development. With no more sun, our town’s skin cancer rates are absolutely going to plummet. Gone are the days of boring picnics and sweltering summer heat. Instead we can look forward to nights of stargazing and… invigorating winters. Think of all the hours we can spend huddled up next to our fireplaces desperately trying to keep warm. For those of you without a fireplace, I’d recommend buying one as soon as you can. They’re absolutely delightful on those cold winter nights which, I can only imagine, are going to be a lot more common now.
Since it’s been years since our citizens were able to go out at night, I think it’s time we talk about what is and isn’t an appropriate nighttime activity. Stargazing is an absolutely wonderful activity that I cannot encourage enough. There are few pleasures finer than laying on your back and appreciating the night sky. Romantic moonlight dinners are also simply divine, and can be enjoyed on your own. Remember, with the night howlers gone, you can leave your windows open, and get some fresh air in your house.
However, unless it’s town mandated or you’ve made a reservation, ritual sacrifice at Jubilee Park is not an appropriate activity. Remember, we have to share the park with other ponies, and monopolizing the one ritual altar in the park simply isn’t appropriate behavior. If you need to make a sacrifice, just use the bloodstone altar in your own home. If you don’t have a bloodstone altar in your home, what are you doing in violation of a town edict? You know what happens if you break a town edict, and nopony wants to clean up that… mess.
Listeners, I have a special treat for you tonight. Applejack, you know, the farmer, is standing inside my studio and it sounds like she has something very important to discuss. What’s on your mind?
Uh, hey, Rarity, Ah actually wanna talk about this whole eternal night thing. Now, Ah’m as happy as anypony else to be able to go out at night, but mah apples need sunlight to grow. That’s just a scientific fact.
And up until this morning, the sun rising every morning was a scientific fact. Scientific facts change all the time, that’s what makes science so endlessly fascinating. One day, you’re in a heliocentric solar system, and the next, you’re in a world of perpetual night. Things change. Maybe tomorrow, we’ll find out plants grow just fine in moonlight. Maybe we’ll find out it makes them grow better. The world is filled with bright shining new possibilities, and we can’t let ourselves get caught up in the dogma of the past. That’s the kind of thinking that leads to believing in magic. You don’t believe in magic, do you?
What? No, Ah ain’t given to all that fancy thinkin’. Ah just try to focus on practical things, like how they hay are we gonna eat if we can’t grow crops? Ah’d never… You know me, Ah love Pony Vale just as much as anypony. Mah parents even volunteered to be Crusade leaders. Not many ponies can claim that.
And I’d never want to question your family’s sacrifice. I just want to point out that we should never doubt the town council’s decisions. Our town has prospered for centuries under their enlightened guidance, and I don’t think we should turn away from that now. Besides, if we somehow can’t grow crops in the eternal night that’s going to define our town from now on, I’m sure the secret lab miles under the town can help us. I’m sure…
Listeners! I can see a series of bright flashes coming from the heart of the Everfree Forest. They are… it’s coming right for us. I don’t know what it is, but it’s almost certainly a herald of approaching doom. Yes, I can see it now, there are stripes of… pink in the strange wave of lights approaching us. Listeners, I don’t know what this wave means, but I think we should all find those we hold dear and draw closer to them. Draw close and wait for this to pass. Draw close and listen… Yes, listen, listen to the weather.
***
Rarity and Applejack, you know, the farmer, sprint out of the booth, each heading to drastically different destinations, leaving Lyra behind to stare at the strange prismatic light that’s surrounding the town. She frowns. Tomorrow is her birthday, the world ending now would absolutely ruin her birthday plans. Lyra shakes her head slowly before nodding it in time with the weather. At least that’s nice today.
Outside now, Rarity runs through Pony Vale’s streets, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on the ground beneath her, and most certainly not at the sky above her. Not at the strange flashing lights that resemble nothing she’s ever seen before. They burn and crackle and are far far too bright. How could anything possibly be so bright? No, the only thing that bright is the pink herald, and all things she touch end in… Rarity must not think about that. Thinking about the pink herald only invites despair and madness.
Around her, the hooded figures retreat back to the bakery, perhaps a little faster than they came from it. Rarity doesn’t notice though, there’s only one thing on her mind. “Sweetie Belle,” she says as she bursts through the door to her parents house, the equations inscribed on the door only putting up the faintest resistance as she passes through their barrier. She wraps her forehooves around her younger sister. “I’m here, everything’s going to be fine, I promise.”
“What- What’s going on?” Sweetie Belle asks, looking up at her older sister as Rarity strokes her mane.
“I don’t know,” Rarity says, drawing her little sister close against her. “But it’s going to be fin–” She stops as a crack echoes in the air. Above her, the sky flashes blood red every time the prism of light clashes with the equations. Red cracks are forming in the sky, slowly snaking to fill the sky as the unnatural light begins to bleed through.
“Sweetie, I know… I say a lot of things for my work, and some of them… you might think they’re rather silly, but I only say them so–” The cracking dims as beings appear in the sky. To Rarity, they look like winged unicorns – Alicorns, she might say, if such things existed – They are all alike, all a pale white with empty black eyes, and they are all channeling energy to power the equations protecting the town. The sky gives one last tortured groan before the many-hued lights fade away, leaving behind a sunny day.
The not-alicorns turn to look down at the town, their eyes lingering for a moment before the head off to an undetermined point on the periphery of town. As Rarity looks at them, a smile forms on her lips. “Well, Sweetie, I’m afraid I need to get back to work. I’ll see you for dinner?”
Sweetie Belle nods. “Of course, but… what did you want to tell me about?”
Rarity gives a perfectly rehearsed laugh. “It can wait, Sweetie. Now, I need to get back home before the weather finishes.”
***
Well, listeners, it seems we have survived whatever calamity the strange light wished to bring down on us, and it looks like our sleepy little town has some new visitors. Those of you watching the sky, no doubt saw the al– winged unicorns that helped power our city’s protective equations when they were about to fail. I don’t know where they came from, but it’s always nice to see a friendly face around town. If you see them, be sure to tell them how grateful you are that they saved our town.
You know, today has really given me a chance to think about the ephemeral and transitory nature of life. We woke up today to a sunless sky, were told we would live in an age of eternal night, were able to walk out under the night sky for the first time in my memory, were attacked by an angry light, saved by… winged unicorns, and then the sun came back.
It’s amazing to think how quickly things can change, how quickly our lives can rearrange themselves on the whims of a capricious cold uncaring universe, and we should never limit ourselves to our humdrum of our expectations. There’s a beautiful terrifying world out there, housing truths we cannot even begin to comprehend, so why should we limit ourselves to what we can–
Excuse me, Lyra is passing me a notice from the town council, written with their elegantly flowing blood runes, and… Let’s see, any discussion of today or today’s events is being made a class-4 felony, punishable by immediate re-education, so I suppose… Hmm… I suppose that’s our news for today. Good night, Pony Vale. Good night.