"Oh my (insert a fictional name to say in vain) Goku Von Voltron... Something!" I screamed, pinned down by a pink menace with a sword in her mouth. Said sword was pointed at the neck of Rainbow Dash so for some reason that was a given.
"Who?"
"I'm playing 'Wheel of Fortune' with my name dictionary and it crossed over with 'Whose Line is it Anyway?'! When that happens, the outcome is crap upon crap in a Big Mac!"
"Don talk s*** about mah brudder!"
"Well excuse me princess![\i] I never met him nor even realized there was a pony named after a terrible sandwich! So please, unless your also offended by that: DO NOT EVEN START!"
Pinkamena somehow gained strength and a crack was heard. I summoned a stick with a shake of my hand and used that stick to tap a body pod. The energy removed my consciousness and placed it in my last spare body, with fresh legs ran. I barricaded the doors and turned to be tackled back inside by the pink one. We tumbled on the ground, sword fought (with me losing instantly), sparred (lost an arm), and she pinned me again. Next to me was my other body with the stick on the chamber floor.
"I think either death or lost pride dulled the pain." I said.
"A hero of legends got beat, easily. How much pride do you have?!"
"Hero of legends? Great, that's worse than being taken down by a pretty, pink horse girl. Now I'm an epic fail encarnate, thanks Dash."
The double doors would've swung open if they were on their hinges, but still. A brown stallion holding a metal tube with a blue light, just walked in. No fear. Just. Walked. Right. In.
"I'm here for the party? But, I think I either got the wrong address or date. Hm, this looks like no Gala 2.0..."
"Gala 2.0? Never heard of it."
"Heeee...EEEEeeeeeee......eeeelllllLLLPPPppppppp.....ppppaaaaah!!!"
"Sir, shut up. The grown ups are talking."
"Grown ups? Us? Really?"
About an hour of talking, the situation went from sudden death to tea time with Pinkie. The Doctor sipped his tea as I cleaned my room of my blood. Doc gave me a present that became very useful as two mini-me's helped with cleanup. When that was done, Jr and Pip beheaded me. Regaining my "self destruct" arm and sending my now armed minions to feed the dead bodies to the wildlife, I reenter my rented home to join the tea party, the nice chat brought back Pinkie and gave me time to grab her sword, hiding it from her future grasp.
"... I am so very, very glad they moved that cloud. Turns out there was a country of semi humans that are soaking up that chaos! Doing that is curing them of ailments and the recent rise of mutation." he said, sipping from an out of place blue cup.
"Mutations like what?"
"If a game called 'Fall Out: Equestria' is familiar, exactly that."
"Good thing. Dawn of the Derpy is a sad idea." I replied.
"What?" Rainbow replied, nearly choking on her tea. "Nothing."
The front doors burst open with night guard, Luna, and Twilight followed by Box rolling a half-made statue of Pinkie in her odd outfit from earlier. "I was told there was danger and cake. All I see is class and- IS THAT GREEN TEA?"
"To be honest, I prefer either sweet or lemon tea." I said, clinking not fancy cups with Apple Jack.
"Hey Bo, he got beat up by a... Pretty. Pink. Pony. Girl."
Back to square ONE. How does one pony fit so many guards in one cell? That was her... Wait she isn't evil. The room is bright and it is the good pink one pacing. Hello! I'm in your head. I can defeat armies if the plot tells me to. Oh my... screw it.
She spun in mid air changing the scene to me waking up in my bed... With pink PJs on me. All the stuff I lost earlier were tucked in my inventory with care, as well was a deck of cards. I moved them to my hand to find that the cards were both regular custom playing cards and UNO cards. They were custom made with pony imagery, Pinkie being four jokers.
I get dressed and open my red bandana chest to find a letter near the scarfs.
"I hope you don't mind moving the story along! Plus 'Screw Snail Mail'? Really? Anyway tomorrow is Nightmare Night. Box tells us it's our version of your Halloween, that's a weird word. Halloween Halloween Halloween. Anyway, if you plan on grabbing some candy bring a bucket and costume and remember: 'Nightmare Night, what a fright, give something good to bite! Oooooh! I wonder if Twilight can awaken Flutterbat? It would be so nice to have her with us for ONE night. :)"
I turned to my calendar and next to some pink X's and a pink smiley was a tiny pink box with a pumpkin, I touched the box only for confetti and Spider-Man costume to hop out with vial and note.
"I know you were probably going to be Spider-Man so I made your costume. If I let you handle it, the costume would've sucked. If your offended, the vial has temporary spider powers! Oh, and you can swing on a web. It's highly impossible according to Twilight, but if you manage to do so that would be incredible. Or Amazing. Whichever works though, I didn't know which S.M. to do so I made a cross between Toby and Garfield's versions. If you don't know who they are: YOU'RE NOT A REAL FAN OF THE MOVIES.
Something was placed over my eyes and in response I grabbed what it was.
"Wrong way, you silly billy who got beat by a filly!"
"What kind of costume is that? ... I mean that costume looks awesome!
I fix my mask to see my slightly blocked surroundings. The library in the CPS, dim lights, Chicken Pinkie, a shadow bolt or evil Wonderbolt was my guess on what Rainbow was dressed as, Double dragon Spike the dragon dressed as a red Chinease dragon, Rarity as s'mores and Sweetie as a campfire I guess. Scootaloo enters in a Wonderbolt uniform with the apple sisters as scarecrows, Twilight as... Is she really going as Sombra or is it the mask?
She folds her wings and places a mustache and sombrero on her head, the sight alone would've made me fall laughing if the laughing ACTUAL CHICKEN[\b] didn't catch my attention. Box was morphed and purched on the head of a crazy bat-Fluttershy thing.
"Before you say anything Sparkle, I was never informed. And plus being an actual chicken allows me to out run you. Now, who else entered the contest?" Box asked with nearly all hooves raised. We leave the castle, passing some hog-tied animals on the way. I checked myself to find that the spider splice was absorbed into me already.
"Will someone explain how night turned morning became tomorrow night?" I asked.
All looks we're turned to Pinkie, who was humming a happy tune that sounded like 'Simba's Can't Wait to be King' song. I found a book and opened it to find my writing in it.
-Entry One-
That pony isn't normal. I need to stay away from her, but there's nowhere to run! Give her sugar and she might spare you. Due to her powers I need to remind myself ONE IMPORTANT FACT. She had a clue on her hoof, we missed it in the fight. Don't ask me how I know, it was written in the letter to Celestia, the one Twilight sent.
Oh and we have roaming freedom. Recap: keep away from Pinkie and stay close to Box or Discord.
-End Entry One-
Am I sure I wrote this? Stay close to Discord? I wonder if I died long ago and Discord is creating my endless punishment. Then again, that would make sense seeing as I have a weird sudden close trust with the guy. We exit the forest in time for Nightmare Moon to attack some children. What.
"Cowabunga!!!" I screamed, swords drawn. "Jake, NO STOP!!!"
I was lifted into the air in a two tone blue with purple and red in the mix of magic aura. I was held in place by Moon, Twilight, Rarity, and a vampire chicken Box. "Oh my- can't finish the statement. How are you this resistant to magic?! Either that or your so fat three ponies and a GODLIKE BEING has to hold you in place!"
I fall to the ground with my weapons unselected. I shoot a web at Pinkie and pulled her close, "I didn't know, pink. Can you inform me better please? With a waffle cone, sprinkles, and peanut butter with cherries on top! Please, inform me better! I don't want an injured pony nor a dead me on my favorite holiday... Pony version of it at least."
She nods as I walk a bit away. An hour later, the costume contest started. Twilight earned second place on both villain and pun categories, Rainbow and Scoots was pranking the apples, Rarity and Sweetie won first the sister category, and now couple costumes is up.
Spike was holding his red tail as he neared me. "How are you doing, Lego?" he asked.
"Good. I can climb walls easier and shoot webs. Even though it's awesome, I keep scaring ponies or webbing them. Meh. Anyway, now I'm just watching the contest... Now I wish I was in it.
"But you are in the contest." Spike said.
"I am?"
"We signed up together! Comic book heroes category. I'm Mushu from the Mulan series and your... um... Spidey." he said this with pride that was lost at the end, "According to the pamphlet, we're up next so try to keep up... You might have rain on your- nevermind, that sounded better in my head... Rain on your parade! Yeah..."
In the distance a brown stallion with glasses dressed as a barn stood by watching the crowd with his blonde mane swaying as he turned his head. His gaze meets mine (hidden in the mask) and he trots up to me.
"Hey, your Spike and Lego the human! It's an honor to meet you both... I seem to be lost. I'm looking for Appleoosa, can you direct me to the location?" he asked.
Spike looked to me then at him, "Sorry, but the trip is a two day train ride westward," he pointed towards the Everfree, " if you have business there today... um... You might be waaay too late."
He hangs his head in disappointment until I speak up, "I know a quick way to get there. Takes about a minute."
"What? But that's impossible! Nobody has the ability to do that, unless you can fly as fast as Princess Luna then I doubt it's possible."
I shake my hand, spawning a purple cube and place it on the ground. After marking an X on the map, I place it in a picture frame on the box. With a red stone torch, the box lights up and vibrates. Next to it, I open a card board box with a chambered me inside and a free chamber. I switch my bodies and fell in the new one, gasping for air.
"Let me test it out first. The mark is near town, but not close enough to spook the locals." I responded, before anyone could make a sound I hopped up and teleported. The brown stallion followed, despite my... Wait, I didn't give a warning. But STILL.
"This is amazing! Wonderful! And still an hour early... Thank you, sir. If you happen to be in Canterlot..." I hoof him my card, "Tell the tailors or hair dressers Trenderhoof said hi. I'm too busy to chat, gotta go!"
He ran off, his barn roof bouncing on each step.
"Aren't you an hour early?!" I called out.
Long explanation turned short, teleport card and burned myself to a crisp. I returned to my costumed body and 'picked up my toys' in time for the competition to start. Due to Box's morphing powers, Pinkie and Box won first prize in couple costume contest.
In the line, I'm seeing too many familiar characters. Iron Man, Bat Man, Classic Mega Man, etc. but of course nobody has ever heard of Spider-Man. Behind us, a familiar brown colt walks in wearing a Minish cap Link costume. The cap was wearing a tiny propeller hat... oh, Button is here.
"Nice costume Button!" I said. He looks up at me (as did the other ponies except for the Thors and Proto Men) and waves.
"Nice Spider Mane costume! Though, you do know he's not in season. Right?"
"Wait, there's a comic book hero season? And no. My world's version is actually very popular."
"Go back to your home world, freak!" a Deadpool colt yelled at me from up front, the colt behind him(dressed as me or Minecraft Steve rather) smacked the colt in the head and pointed at himself.
I decided to take off my mask because of the heat and ALL THE PONIES had their eyes on me. Even the colt. After rapidly waving my mask, I replace it on my face with the cool sensation hitting me. I toss a red bandana towards the front as the Steve colt caught it.
"Oh no! Looks like I dropped my bandana! I guess it's his now..." I said in a monotone voice which was followed by a normal, "Iwearthatnowifyourdressingupasme. If not then I'm dumb."
He nods and places it around his neck. After sometime, Spike walks onto the stage jumping around with a cricket tied to his tail, following the shadow of a mare. I let Button go ahead of me as he plays an Ocarina in tune, cueing a filly that knocks him off stage on her back. It was my turn.
I walk on stage leaning towards the ground. If you're familiar with a fighting style called 'Way of the Spider', I think I can pull it off well. Sand bags fell around me from a hot air balloon piloted by Pinkie, as the fell I used my webs to swing a bag at another followed by punching said bags and kicking others.
Next thing I know confetti is around me and ponies are in a panic. Sounds of buzzing and a metallic laugh could be heard, I look up to see a unicorn in green goblin armor hovering on a glider sending lasers and bombs at the crowd. I was on the ground, bleeding with my costume torn and feeling a little light. From my right Box and Luna is fighting the goblin as the elements are guiding ponies to a safe place.
"What happened?!" I asked, the closest pony being the Deadpool colt from earlier.
"You're alive! He came out of nowhere and blew you up as you did that cool backflip kick move... Anyway, are you hurt? My moms a nurse, she can help!"
"Kid, thanks. But to be honest, death never stopped me. I can prove it now, but now isn't the time."
"Cool, but before you go! My brother is stuck in the debre!" he said, pointing at a destroyed backstage.
"I don't know why, but this just gave an image of Celestia on a motorcycle, stunt jumping over a giant pig. Anyway, random thought aside-" I flipped though my journal as I spoke, realizing this: I stopped on a page that said, 'Incase we need to be stronger than a building.'
"What?! What are you saying?!"
Incase we need to be stronger than a building.
You know that sword Pinkamena had? It's a mod sword called 'the Adminium Arc'. When held by Minecraftians, this sword is an instant kill weapon that can send giants flying with a good cut. We are only to use it in case of emergencies, not to win battles. I am you and I am serious when I say, we don't take abusing that power lightly. I have it set up with a chamber, one with a surprise I'm really excited about.
End Page
Finishing the page I told the colt to hide and that I would return. Killing myself, my conscious flew into a body menu.
I woke up in a closet. Opening the door a mirror waited on the outside with a note: 'Do you like it?' in my neat hand writing. I was wearing an assassin hood from Assassin's Creed, but not from any AC game. No. I wore Ezio's black hood from AC 2. In my inventory was a map, diamond shield and the Adminium Arc from the journal. In my hands were a diamond axe and a bow with arrows in a nearby chest.
I walked down a small hallway to find a command cube. With my map I plotted a course for the stage. A little bit later I returned to my old body and grabbed my things, surprising the colt from earlier, "See? Death never stopped me."
Green Goblin was long gone so I had to act fast. "Kid, I need you to stand next to me... and is your bro still alive? That was a... Bad move on my part, but I needed something."
"DO I SOUND FINE?! I don't like this, not one bit, and the other here will agree." replied a voice in the rubble with the sound of screams and replies of 'What've you been doing you idiot?!' following.
Breaking a strength V, me and the colt pulled some debre away to allow more ponies to escape and help. Getting annoyed, I used the Whatever Arc sword to cut some broken walls away. The whole thing took some time and time wasted is another bad thing. Chugging down a speed II, I followed the destruction to find an epic battle between Goblin and Box. Box deflected the fired grenades with a shield he held in his magic. Goblin kept avoiding hits, having Box teleport to protect civilians in the area- WHY ARE THERE CIVILIANS HERE?
When things go boom, run. These ponies will run from Zebras and rabbits, but if their lives depended on it, 'Oh let's get blown up! Doy! Natural selection means nothing! #deathbypillows!' I mean come on!
"Are you going to ramble or do something?!"
Goblin's mask locks in my direction before sending waves of lasers at my wake, "I was looking for a spider, but Prench boy will have to do."
"Italian assassin, get it right!" I shouted. I rolled under him, attaching TNT under his glider with a red stone torch. BOOM. Next thing I know, he is sent flying into a tree and his glider is swerving all over the place. Goblin was recovering from the fall when he glider impaled him through the torso, like in that one Spider-Man movie that was good before Emo Peter was a thing.
Did that just happen? Did our actor ACTUALLY DIE?!
"Trixie... is fine..." Goblin said as the illusion spell wore off and actual ponies rushed to help her.
"Wait. What just happened?" Jake asked, stunned by his foe being the show mare.
"OK! How did you do that?"
"With skill and TNT apparently... Luck was also in it."
"May be you're not hopeless... If you can keep this up, I might share a... group... secret." I said, trying to get some of the words out.
"Group secret? If it involves me then you bet I want to know!"
"I thought you said nopony would be injured!"
"Sorry, but I didn't think he would be packing explosives on him! It was supposed to be swing, kick, glider action, and- What are you doing with THAT?" I stopped mid sentence to ask him why he has an Adminium Arc on him.
At home I sat in my thoughts and on a liger styled couch with nice pickle juice with a strawberry dipped in cheese-ranch. Even my favorite snack couldn't put my mind at ease.
That weapon is too dangerous for him to wield! Its bad enough I have to save Equestria alone from prisoners of Tartarus, but now I have a loser with TNT and a death wish holding one of the most dangerous mod weapons ever made. Its bad enough Twilight and Luna had to erase his memories at least ten times a week and Pinkie had to give him his journal back with some new notes they made together.
In the past he was actually hero material, but now... he lost it. The best description involves a video example. If you saw the video think of my as that kid, but awesome. Luna has faith that he will once again be that hero in our books while Celestia believes that he still IS that hero. Royalty today is ordering a lot of cake and bananas or midnight gaming, I think they need a reality check: RULE THE COUNTRY AND FOCUS ON FACTS. Jake... I mean "Lego" is just a kid that can't die. A waste of immortality if there ever is one.
Besides saving Equestria ONCE, he screwed it two fold. He created the Sirens (or " The Dazzlers" as he called them) and started a domino effect that turned Sombra evil, and we all know what he did. A whole empire disappeared from his incompetence! Luna and the Elements minus Pinkie, Spike, and Fluttershy made a small circle with me as co-ring leader. Protect Equestria and keep Lego in the dark. Simple.
The plan was simple until he got suspicious. Discord started hanging with him made things worse. There's a rumor of Pinkie, Discord, and Lego are teamed up to oppose us with their own random goals with 'protecting Equestria' in the trail mix.
"EXPOSITION SUCKS!!! Here's a cute flashback instead!"
"Sonata got her head stuck WHERE exactly?"
"A weird hole in the ground! We found a hole and she claims there's a pond in there."
"Our sister is stuck, alone in the freezing Everfree forest and your focused on a pond?"
"She said it was warm down there."
"In a world with bon fires instead of heaters, it sounds like a good idea."
"I don't know what a 'heater' is, but it sounds like he agrees with me!" Adagio sticks her tongue at Aria as we push sleds to slide towards the forest.
"Careful, if you trip your tongue will stick to a sled."
"C'mon PJ! Its just a silly filly myth!"
"I bet my one coin that PJ is right and your wrong."
"IS ANYONE THERE?!" cried Sonata. She wore Adagio's hat on her flank and Aria's jacket over her own, next to her is a sled lodged in the ground on it's side. Her tail waved like a flag as we drew near her voice, "Oh my gosh, this is totes terrible!"
I spawned a stone shovel for everyone and we began digging. We ended up making a tunnel to a small pool of water in a cavern with perfect temperature, allowing me to pull up my long sleeves.
"Wheeeeeeee!" squeed Sonata as she cannon balled into the pool, just as fast as she entered she got out screaming, "F-for r-r-realsies, that's cold!"
"Woah, what just happened?!" Aria said, pointing at the second Sonata with a taco in her hooves, "Oh nos! It got soaked for realsies!"
"What is going on?!" "For realsies, there's two of me!"
The two Sonatas circled each other, stared into each other's eyes. In perfect sync the two Sonatas spoke, "I. Am. The cutest of them all! If you ain't talking pony, I don mess with y'all!"
"OK. I imagine Aria doing that, but wow."
"Seriously? This is awesome! Our clones can go to school for us!"
"Hold your horses, girl. I represent the last sentient being forged from the mirror pool. I will not be replacing anyone nor will you create mindless clones. Either you leave or-"
"Ew! Ponies. I'm too good of a person to be in the likes of YOU." said Jake #2.
"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"
Other me pulls out his iron axe and attempts to strike Sonata 2 and Adagio with it. I stopped him with the help of speed II, but suddenly more me's emerged. "You fool! Now your clones will clone themselves!"
S2 slammed her hooves on the ground, turning all but one of the near by clones into mist that returns to the pool. She then grabs a nearby axe and assassinates the last clone, "THIS IS HOW SERIOUS I AM! NO CLONING!"
"You're sounding and acting less like Sonata-"
"For realsies, get out. Just. Get. Out. And if you see a pink pony in the future, she is destined to be here. Don't stop her, just keep others away from here. I wish I can live forever, but I can't."
"Um... come along, my little ponies? Its not safe here."
We left the mirror pool wondering what just happened. Especially Sonata. Just kept a blank expression the whole way out.