Bad Apples

by Rox

Unstoppable

Apple Leaves has been married for one month and she's already pregnant. I gotta admit, I didn't expect to be an uncle so soon. We just got the announcement in the mail today and it didn't take a detective to tell that she's really excited. I'm happy for her. Meanwhile my own family is doing great. We purchased the land without a hassle from the owners, the real hassle being explaining how we could afford it so late in the year to Ma. Making up stories is a lot harder than retelling them, I'll tell you that.
Lily Bloom and I have also been secretly planning our next adventure. We have our eye on a bank in Las Pegasus, though if it wasn't even crazier than Cloudsdale one of those casinos would be really tempting. I mean, it's a dirty habit anyway (Ma says she would kick me from here to Canterlot if I ever picked up gambling), so why not make them pay for it? Either way, we decided it's best to wait a couple of months. We're thinking right after the last applebuck season.
I know this is a topic change but outside Ma Smith's banging pots and pans. That must mean that Zap Apples are on the way! I'm sure Lily will be excited. She's never even tasted Zap Apple jam before, and now she's gonna get to learn how to make it! Guess that means we're gonna be busy for the next few days. More good news is that I think we'll be dealing with Filthy Rich this time instead of his father for the first 100 jars. He's a good pony, even if his father ain't.

Mackie might be a little bit too young to know exactly what is going on, but he makes an adorable buffalo tribe-member. I spent about half an hour putting on the makeup and Cloud was willing to even lend a feather for his little headband. Oh, if I could put a picture in here I would but we got so caught up in the festival that Red and I forgot to stop by the photo booth.
Magnum and Pearl spent the evening with us as well, and I couldn't help but notice that Pearl looked a little longingly at Big Mac more than once. I get the feeling that they are probably working on a foal of their own, so I expect to probably hear yet another baby announcement within the foreseeable future. Anyways there was plenty of festival to enjoy. That energetic young filly Cloud Kicker managed to startle both Red and Magnum with a thunder cloud prank. Both stallions tried to just pass it off like nothing happened. Their cheeks went redder than our apples when Pearl and I joined the little prankster in laughing at them. Stallions can be so funny when they want to act macho.
I don't know why Red worries about that. They may not know his real name, but I know for a fact that the Sundance Colt is currently the celebrity crush of just about every high school filly. His wanted posters have gone from foreboding to practically a model, and he says that mine are getting that way too (I don't agree, they can't get my nose right). But too bad for them that he's already all mine!

Red mentioned that we planned another "adventure" in Los Pegasus earlier, and well, we did. I would describe it in detail but a combination of adrenalin and it going far smoother than even our first attempt leaves me with little actual memory of it. Suffice it to say that we managed to leave Los Pegasus without too much incident, though I think some hotshot photographer managed to get a blurry picture of us running out of the bank, but Red's not too worried so I'm not either. We got away with a bag of gems this time, and we decided to put it away as an emergency fund. Dad always did try to get me and Orange to pay attention to how money worked, and while I may not remember everything I did remember how he said that Gems never lose their value, even if the bit were to "take a flying leap of the Hooflyn Bridge." He has a way with words that makes very vivid imagery, though I wonder if that was the best analogy for foals.
Red also figures if Mackie grows up to find a special talent in something other than apples, then we can use the gems to help him go through college or some such thing. We buried it in the east orchard near that apple tree with the big, diamond-shaped knot. We figured it was an appropriate place for a buried treasure.

Applejack made a mental note to check under the tree with the diamond knot, thinking giddily about finally replacing that saggy old plow. Or maybe reinforcing the barn so it wouldn't get destroyed so darn often. Between the shenanigans of Apple Bloom, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, it was getting ridiculous.

Orange left Ponyville today. He's still pretty much just a colt but the dang foal went and ran off without even telling his ma first. Sure gave them quite a stir. My Mother-in-Law had burst into our house this morning in quite a state, trying to find him. We had half the town looking around for him before we found that he left a note saying that he just couldn't take the small town life anymore and was going to try and make it in the big city all on his own. I'm not too worried about him to be honest. He could be a bit of a snotty brat sometimes but he does have a brain between those ears of his, and Celestia has a lot of decrees on the books that are supposed to help colts like him that strike out on their own, so he won't starve.
But Lily Bloom isn't quite taking it as well, which I suppose I could understand. Even though she was completely grown I had felt mighty protective of Apple Leaves when she left, so I guess must be a heap worse when they're not even out of middle school yet. We'll have no way of knowing exactly where he is until he writes a letter, which I suspect he will, but in the meantime we still have Hearth's Warming Eve to get ready for. It's Big Mac's first, so I'm guessing his granny on his ma's side is going to really make a lot of fuss over him. I know that Ma Smith is already working overtime on something for the little guy.
I'm almost afraid to ask.

Lily is still a little down today with her brother gone just like that. I guess it'll be the first holiday in all of his life that she didn't get to spend around him. I tried my best to keep everyone cheery. Didn't know that was such hard work. Ponyville really should get a professional clown or something for times like this. But our second Hearths Warming Eve together, and our first with Big Macintosh was still one worth remembering. Turns out the gift Ma had for Mac was a bunch of hoofmade, foal sized farm tools. And boy does he love them. He pulled around this toy plow outside all day, and even tried his best to dig up corn rows with the little shovel. He didn't quite succeed, but he did tear up the yard pretty good.
I bought Lily a brand new bow to replace the raggedy one she always wore, which she proudly wore around all day, while she gave me a swell scarf that I did the same with. Also, we bought Ma some new knitting supplies. She started working the hobby a lot more lately, saying that if she's gonna be a granny she should act like it. On the plus side we now have an entire winter outfit for Big Mac.

Today Lily and I tried something new. We decided to try to steal a bank shipment instead of holding up a bank again. We noticed that the local bank in Ponyville has added a lot of security, with at least two officers walking around it day and night. So we set out on yet another trip with a bushel of apples, this time heading towards Oatlahoma City. We scouted the bank in town and actually did spend our first day doing what we said we were there for. I guess I felt a little guilty lying to Ma all the time. At the end of the day, we had sold the entire bushel and Lily had found out when the bank shipment was expected the next day.
It was really cold out there on the road waiting for that darn carriage to show up, but when it did it was steaming full ahead with four big stallions pulling it. As per our plan, I jumped out in the road, spinning my lasso just like my daddy taught me, and roped the first guy's legs like a runaway lamb. He went down in a heap and his three buddies came a tumbling with him. I had to jump out of the way to let them skid past me, but Lily Bloom didn't miss a beat. She leaped like a pegasus onto the back of the carriage and swung right into the window. Apparently a mare and stallion were also inside as guards, but both must have been so surprised because the only reason I knew they were in there at all is both went flying out the other side of the carriage and landed in a pile in the ditch. Then Lily reappeared carrying two bags in her teeth and tossed one to me, and we made our getaway.
I'll give these guys credit, they chased us with the carriage still hooked up and everything until we were almost back into town, when we lost them at a sharp curve by jumping down the river bank and under the bridge there. We then changed out of our disguises and stuff the bits into our saddlebags, and made it back in time to catch the train back to Ponyville. That was all today, and we just got back, so I'm mighty tired.

Little Mackie's first birthday! Yay! Oh it was just so precious! We had Carrot Cake cater it for us. I realize the size of the party was probably a little bit overboard for a toddler, but Ponyville didn't seem to mind an excuse to celebrate, and I just couldn't help myself. We like to go big in Manehatten. Pearl and Magnum showed up and doted on Mackie like he was their own. He's probably going to grow up looking at them like they're family I would imagine. They've been such good friends I certainly don't see why not. No baby announcement yet, though.
Red had a holler of a good time. He's been sort of restless since our lost "job" back in January and has been working himself silly to get ready for Winter Wrap Up, so he took the opportunity to play just about every game that we could come up with and to laugh himself til he just couldn't anymore. The Wrap Up's tomorrow by the way, which means a long day of work ahead for everypony. Perhaps that contributed to why so many ponies came to enjoy friends and cake. Even the strapping, young Filthy Rich attended. That stallion is pretty good with the numbers but a little hopeless with the mares. I hope he does find somepony special to him someday, and he's young so he's got plenty of time to do that.
Well, the fire's dying down and Red fell asleep on the couch with Big Mac on his belly. Those two are quite the pair, and their matching coats really blend in with each other. Now I just need to figure out how to get both of them to bed without waking the baby.

Well, Lily's prediction came true. Magnum came strutting through the door like he had just won first prize at a rodeo, then like a regular royal announcer he told us that Pearl was gonna have a foal. All I can say is it's about time. I took Magnum out for a pint of cider and a batch of cookies at Sugar Cube Corner. Carrot gave us a few on the house to add in his own congratulations. I have never once said no to a free cookies, and I have yet to regret it.
I think it should also be mentioned that Lily Bloom and I are hatching another plan. Would it be fair to call it an obsession? Honestly I crave the adventure of it all and really could care less about the bits. I just really can't see myself doing anything else with Lily Bloom, and I know for a fact that she feels the same way. Now I'm really hoping Ma never reads this because she'll whoop me if she ever see that I just wrote that. Well, I guess she'll whoop me anyway for everything else we've written in here. Sorry Ma! It's not your fault I promise!
But anyways, we're thinking of heading back out east towards Baltimare. See there's this big old bank out there that's been there since pretty much the beginning of Equestria, and wouldn't you know it the library here in Ponyville has a book on old buildings and such. Turns out there are some pretty interesting ways to get in, or out, of that building.

Our adventure in Baltimare turned out to be a little too close for comfort. Even with our crazy escapade in Cloudsdale, this one was even closer. See, as usual we bust into the bank, both of us hollering for everypony to freeze and ordering the teller to get us some bags of bits. They complied, and loot in tow we bolted out and into an alley way. But before we could even begin to take off our disguises some Baltimore Police rounded the corner, forcing Red and I to have to run once again. They chased us through the confusing streets of Baltimare. It's a really old town and I don't think the original planners meant for it to get as big as it did.
We nearly made a big mistake. We kept getting headed off, or at least we changed direction every time we saw an officer or guard. Several pegasus were patrolling the sky, and we almost noticed too late that they were leading us towards the port and the ocean. We would have nowhere to run or hide. We stopped a few blocks short, but had to keep running as more police closed in.
"How do they keep finding us?" I remember Red asked. That's when it hit me. We stopped and opened our sacks. It was mostly bits, but sure enough I found a large gem inside each one.
"They're using one of those fancy gem finding spells!" I said. Without hesitation, Red picked them both out, tossed them and bucked them both for all he was worth. I watched as both gems bounced down the road and for all the greatest luck in the world landed on the floor of a passing taxi. Red Apple and I both hid in a dumpster and watched as the police, led by at least one or two unicorns, swept by and after the poor cabbie.
After they did so, we finally changed out of our disguises and hid the bits. But our adventure didn't end there. We were relaxing side by side on the train as we pulled into a train station stop on the way. I wasn't really paying attention at first but Red nudged me. In the station were several guards waiting to board. While we were still confident nopony knew exactly what we really looked like, it was still concerning. And we decided not to leave it up to chance.
We casually got up and got off the train on the opposite side that was facing away from the station. Luckily there was some fairly thick forest and plenty of boulders and we hid quickly enough. We watched as the guards boarded the train and no doubt searched it all. I could just imagine them questioning each of the passengers and holding up wanted posters, but when they disembarked nopony got off with them and they slipped back into the town. The train sped off without us, leaving us stranded in some little town called Nickerlite.
Red Apple said he knew the town, saying it wasn't far outside of Ponyville. But it wasn't quite walking distance, especially not at night, and Celestia was setting the sun. Town probably wasn't safe with all the guards, and in hindsight getting off the train probably made us more suspicious then we would have been had we just stayed on, so we decided to hoof it away from the town and down a winding, graveled road to find some place to tough it through the night. Pretty soon we were traveling by moonlight in the increasingly creepy forest. It wasn't the everfree, but it still didn't look very inviting.
We were just talking about trying to find a camp spot somewhere off the path when I noticed a farm house. Red and I looked at each other for a moment, and then decided that we should go ahead and see. We were answered at the door by a very solemn looking stallion. We explained that we had missed our train and had foolishly thought we could just walk the rest of the way home, playing the part of dumb tourists. The stallion nodded, and beckoned us in, introducing himself as Igneous Rock. Turns out it was a rock farm. He and his wife, along with two, adorable but yet similarly solemn daughters, ran the farm themselves much like the Apple family did with their orchards.
They graciously let us use their extra room on a bed that was surprisingly comfy, and Red and I actually slept quite well. When the morning came, we offered to pay them for their hospitality, but Igneous refused, sending us on our way. They were such a nice family, though it was kind of hard to tell. All of them seemed to be permanently bored. Deciding the risk was over, we headed back to Nickerlite to catch the next train into Ponyville. We got back around noon today, and Ma Smith sure threw a fit. We had worried her sick when we didn't show on the train that we had told her we would. We we told her was mostly the truth, though I said the reason we had gotten off at Nickerlite was because Red had gotten hungry and really wanted a snack.
Ma Smith just shook her head at that and scolded her poor son for thinking with his belly and not his brain.

We're on a roll, and we decided we might as well go with it. This time we found a little bank in Seaddle, and we made our way by train once again. But the strangest thing happened there. Lily and I burst through the doors with our usual dramatic entrance and I cornered the guards while Lily went up to the counter to get the prize. But just as that was happening, these mares in the corner suddenly screamed. It scared the ponyfeathers out of me and I spun around expecting to see a dragon or something. But next thing I know there's these three young mares inches away and looking like Hearth's Warming Eve came around early.
I couldn't tell what the hay they wanted, seeing as they weren't so much talking but just squealing like schoolfillies, so I did what I did in school when fillies came up to me and I didn't know what they wanted. I froze and looked around for a way to get out of this without getting any closer to them. A big "Eh-HEM!" from Lily behind them finally got them to stop for a second and look at my wife, and she was giving each of them a stare that could probably kill a cockatrice. That's why I was surprised when the three returned the glare, though they did shuffle aside.
I still wasn't sure what was going on until I followed Lily outside and looked back to see at least two of them give me a wink. Once I realized that those three had been mooning over me, I couldn't stop laughing even until we were on the train. I do believe that's the first time I've ever seen Lily truly mad at me. Don't worry honey, you're my one and only.

Lily's P.S: I know

Add Hoofston to the list of places the Sundance Colt and his lover Calamity Mane have visited and taken it's treasure. How strange is that? That happened four days ago and it's become almost so routine that we nearly forgot to write about it. In fact, I was just planning to write in here about Big Mac. He's just such a good boy and so sweet. His personality is really starting to show through. He's so friendly but he's also so shy it's adorable. Most of the time he hides behind my leg when somepony comes to visit, and rarely says anything more than "Yep" or "Nope."
He also seems transfixed by apples and apple farming. He certainly is his father's son. He already waddles around after Red Apple and I when we go out to do chores and I often see him just watching us work. I'm still gonna expect him to go to school though, just like his parents. It's kind of surreal to see that I just wrote that down. Growing up I was less than compliant to my poor Mom and Dad, and I often tried to skip out of school. I thought it was a total waste of time, and that it didn't matter. But now that I have Mackie, I can see even more clearly just how foalish I was.
I think I'm gonna start showing him his ABC's. Never too early to start I say.

I think we're gonna have to be more careful. I was in town at my usual spot selling apples for our early Applebuck season, everything really going like normal. Then I noticed this petite mare walking like she had somewhere to go with a police officer on each side. Well, seeing as I hadn't seen her in town before and I figured I might be able to sell her some apples I got her attention. Besides, the two officers were some of my best customers. She at first looked all annoyed, but she still stood by quietly as I said hello and got to talking to Star Watcher and Shield.
That's when I found out what she was here for. She's apparently a detective hired by Princess Celestia herself to work our case. Well, they didn't know it was our case, but still it was strange to talk in third pony while I found out more.
"Yeah, Red, she said that she's been to all their crime scenes and she's been trying to track them down since last year. She says she thinks there's a possibility that Ponyville is where they're hiding." Shield said.
I hope I didn't look too worried on the outside, because I did just nod along and laugh with them about how ridiculous it was, but I was panicked to be truthful.
"And you'll get a kick out of this, Red, but she showed us a list of local suspects and you and Lily are..."
He didn't finish because this Mare, who's name was Beady Gleam if I'm remembering right, barking something about how that was supposed to be secret. Star Watcher defended me and finished.
"Oh, c'mon miss. You don't have to worry about Red and Lily. The Apple Family is one the most hard working, honest families around. You can trust them."
Turns out kind words can hurt sometimes too.
Well, the lady snorted impatiently, and taking the hint the two officers said farewell and followed her to help her with her investigating. When I got home today I told Lily all about it. I'm grateful for her ability to stay cool under pressure. She calmed me down and said that we just need to go along like nothing has happened. She suggested I go and buck some trees to work off some worry, and I did just that. I feel better now, and I'm sure we're gonna be fine. But I can't help but feel a sense of foreboding about that Ms. Gleam. She seemed like she had a really good brain behind those sharp eyes, and that she's not going to be an easy pony to keep fooling for long.

Ms. Gleam visited Sweet Apple Acres today. Red Apple was out working the new Orchard while I took care of feeding Big Mac his lunch. She was a lot smaller than I pictured her to be, but her eyes were every bit as sharp as Red described them. She reminded me of my Mom in that respect. She was actually pretty nice though.
"Lily Bloom I presume?" she asked when I opened the door, and I answered yes and then she introduced herself.
"I'm following an investigation and I was wondering if you could answer some questions for me?"
I obliged and welcomed her into our home. I decided that it was time to show her good old Apple hospitality. I'd been getting pie lessons from Ma Smith, and as luck would have it I had made a pie not too long before. I had made it as a treat for Red but when he learned what I used it for he completely understood. Turns out Curiosity and I hit it off. I think we really could have been good friends under different circumstances. We chatted amiably as she asked basic questions like if I had seen suspicious activity or somepony suddenly gaining a lot of income.
The only question that I felt a little nervous about was when she asked about that incident with Really Rich.
"I was looking through records and it says that there was a robbery here of a Really Rich, and he named you two as his assailants," she said. I took in a deep breath, hastily constructing the best response I could think of as I picked Big Mac up and out of his high chair, but was saved from doing so by Beady Gleam herself.
"But I understand that Really Rich has been fueling something of a feud with your family for a while now, so I can't say I would take his accusation seriously," Beady Gleam said with a laugh. "Thank you for the pie and your time. Tell your husband his apple orchards are fantastic."
And with that we said goodbye and I heard from Pearl, who's starting to look bigger now, that the detective had left on the night train to Canterlot already. Hopefully this means that, at least for now, our worries of being discovered are laid aside.

We decided that we needed to throw a new equation into Ms. Gleam's investigation. It's been stuck in my mind ever since she showed up that she suspected that it lead back to Ponyville, which means that we've been leaving some sort of pattern. So, we did something crazy and stupid risky. We robbed the Ponyville bank. We decided to do it right at opening. I know this town well, and there aren't many ponies out and about at opening time. Not even the guards really show up until about an hour after the bank opens.
Just to make sure, we added little things to our disguises. Lily used some fancy makeup skills and painted this scar down her pretty nose, while I got rid of my freckles too. She also tied up the back of her mane into a tail and made the tips of her hair curly. It wasn't a big difference, but it was enough to make her look like a completely different mare. My mane is usually curled at the end, so she spent some time straightening it so it was all spiky like a pricker bush.
We snuck out just as Celestia was raising the sun and waited for Spare Change to open the bank. I always liked her. She was always fair, and we wouldn't have even thought about doing this to her if we didn't know that the bank was holding a bag of gems that was supposedly on hold for some big wig in Winnyapolis who was afraid that their bank would get broken into. They thought that Ponyville would be too small to be noticed.
We burst through the door right after she walked inside. Lily disguised her sweet voice that usually had a tinged Manehatten accent into just about as Western as she could make it, saying that she should go get the biggest deposit she had. Poor Spare Change looked so surprised and scared as we followed her back and got the bag which was clearly marked for that rich pony. Then we burst out the door and ducked into one of the back alleys, looking for anypony watching. We didn't see anypony else so we quickly changed out of disguise, wiping off all the makeup and fixing our manes as best we could behind a bush. We put on our normal appearance as Lily, walking as plain as day with the bits in her saddlebag, made for home while I quickly made to setting up our Apple stand.
I started a friendly conversation with Poinsetta and her daughter Rose as I always did at the beginning of the day, just waiting for it all to go crazy. I didn't have to wait long. Pretty soon, Spare Change came bolting down the street, hollering that the bank had been robbed by the Sundance Colt and Calamity Mane! Poinsetta screamed and started running like the sky was falling and, after a few seconds of watching her ma, Rose started running in circles and screaming too. I decided it was time to put my best acting to the test and ran out to intercept Spare Change from her yelling and calm her down.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Those two outlaws that everypony's been talking about! They're here! They came in behind me and made me give them a huge sack of bits!"
She didn't recognize me at all. Ponies gathered around in a shocked circle as Spare spun this dramatic tale about how it happened. For something that only happened a minute or two before it sure was a lot different then how I remembered it. By the time she was finished it seemed like half the town was watching. I found Magnum in the crowd and motioned him forward.
"Magnum! They might still be here! Everypony spread out and look for them! Oh, and stay in teams so everypony stays safe. They might be dangerous!" I said. They all nodded, and honestly they made me proud. They could be easily startled but when it really came down to it some of the bravest ponies live here. The next two hours were taken up as Magnum, Carrot, and I went on a "search" for the outlaws. Lily showed up about 30 minutes into the search, and she took it upon herself to comfort Spare Change along with Pearl, who didn't want to risk the foal by getting into some crazy fight with dangerous outlaws. I think Lily felt as guilty as I did about scaring our friend so bad. She offered her pies, fritters, and whatever else we had to try to cheer her up while the search kept going around them.
Soon, everypony agreed that the robbers must have fled town and everypony went back to normal business. Mayor Scroll went off to write a letter to Canterlot, no doubt to report what had happened. Probably means we're going to see our friend Beady Gleam again really soon.

It was a busy few days for us. Our biggest Applebuck season ever has left us worn out and tired, but also with more bushels of apples than I have ever seen in one place. Ma Smith and I are going to have our hooves full making all the jams, fritters, and pies. We decided to make use of our travels and apple sales to advertise that we would now deliver and ship apples to anywhere. Surprisingly we actually got a lot of replies. Mostly from nearby towns so Red has been busy running back and forth from the farm to these backwoods places hauling that cart.
He even ended up going back to Nickerlite and gave a bushel of apples to the Pie family while he was there to show our thanks for them letting us stay there. It's been so busy this summer that ever since the uproar we caused in Ponyville that we haven't gone back out again. Actually, that's only partially true. Spare Change is not doing well. We hadn't realized how badly we really had scared her. She will only walk to the bank now as long as somebody takes her, which a young stallion named Lucky has taken to doing. She's practically scared of her shadow. I think seeing that has made Red and I see a different side of what we were doing. We were so focused on having fun that we hadn't stopped to think about what pain we might be causing.
I don't know. Perhaps our days as famous outlaws are coming to a close.
Maybe it should be that way.

This is going to seem really weird considering our last entry, but we decided to do it again. But this time, it was to right a wrong. We made for Winnyapolis and took the exact amount that we stole from the Ponyville Bank. It wasn't as easy as some of our earlier jobs, with all the extra guards they had. I had to actually kick one of them pretty good and Lily did too, pulling off an impressive tackle of a stallion twice her size. The other guards were scared off and we demanded the bits before running like heck. Instead of making for the train station like we always did before after changing out, we hung around for a few hours, and I took Lily out to a nice restaurant. They had delicious Daisy Alfredo by the way.
Then we finally took a train back to Ponyville, and we got there well after it was dark. Then we tied a note to the bag with the words, "This belongs to you" and we ditched it on the doorstep of the Ponyville Bank. It was another move that was probably stupid but we needed to do it. I hope that maybe Spare Change can feel a little better after this.

If you can barely read this it's because I'm super excited! I can barely think straight, and our house has been in an uproar all day. Even Big Mac has been excited, though I'm not sure he understands why. I'M PREGNANT AGAIN! We hadn't planned to have another foal so soon, but well, these things happen and I'm all over the place with how excited I am. Red's beside himself as well. When he found out he ran around the farm and then around the town telling anypony who would listen. Then he came back home just as I told Ma Smith, and the two started dancing. You'd think they'd never done this before. Our foal will only be a few months younger than Magnum and Pearl's, so I think he's imagining that our kids will be in the same class and be best friends for life. Actually, now that I think about it that would be really fun!

Red's P.S. This is going to be awesome! I couldn't be happier!
Big Mac's P.S. *unintelligible scribbling, plus something that looks like he drooled on the page a little bit*