//------------------------------// // Happy Halloween: Have some randomness. IDIOCY AHEAD // Story: The six headed HYDRA // by Malcolm Merlyn //------------------------------// "Pass the whiskey." Floyd Lawton AKA Deadshot asked as the glass bottle of booze was passed right to him. Popping the cork, the sniper took a long drink. "Ah... this is the stuff. What's this place called again?" Character's Cornerclub. "In Asgard, there are often contests of strength, speed, skill... and of course... who can consume the most mead in one sitting or one gulp." Thor grinned as he placed a barrel of the strong drink right besides the counter. "Tell me assassin, will you challenge me?" "I got nothing better to do." Deadshot commented. "You're one. If you really are some viking god... you'll probably wipe the table with me." "Hey everyone! I baked pumpkin pie for everyone!" A cheery voice called out from a cute girl of Japanese origins. "Umm... what are you drinking?" "I was told this was an R-rated joint." Lawton slurred as he downed his fourth gulp. "I will have some of this... pie! But first... Thor must vanquish his foe in a drinking contest!" The Asgardian commented as he took a deep whiff of the pastries. "Another!" "Another..." Deadshot slurred. Five huh? Thor was already on his eighteenth. At this rate he was going to... The assassin collapsed right onto the ground. Thor stood triumphantly over him as he finished his twentieth beaker of mead before taking an entire pie from Yoshika. "Smells ripe!" "Thank you sir... um... what should we do about him?" "Ah, leave the drunk guy be kid. He's drunk." A texas-sounding man with a prosthetic arm walked in carrying a box full of liquor. "So... you really the god of thunder?" "Indeed mortal! And I am willing to prove it! On the battlefield or at the festivities!" Thor mumbled with a mouthful of pumpkin pie. "By Bor, this... is... ANOTHER!" The crash of the breaking plate caused Yoshika to jump, looking at the god of thunder strangely for a moment. "Does... isn't..." "You know... those plates are expensive!" A certain white unicorn commented. "Mr. Odinson... how inelegant you look! A prince acting in such a fashion?! Unspeakable!" "Humph. So it appears even horses have snobby types?" A bored looking man wearing a green cloak asked. "Can't seem to avoid those types anyone where I go." "You'd think horses couldn't talk wherever we went. Humph." A big guy commented as he walked in. "Alright boys and girls... in case anyone asked what I brought, I got this old book containing the most boring campfire stories ever, and... booze." "Do you all just drink you free time or what? Honestly! Do all the men in the future act like drunkards?!" Another snobbish voice called out. A short blond girl with glasses with a minor trace of a french accent. "I don't." A rather uptight frenchman commented. "You see mademoiselle not all men or women truly act with the proper grace as we should. My name is Spy by the way. And you are?" "Huh? Oh..." Perrine looked up awkwardly at the taller Frenchman. "Perrine. Perrine Clostermann. How do you do today monsieur?" "Very well. Such elegance you conduct yourself with." Spy nodded and smiled as he looked over at the people that were joining this... mess... People such as a crazed American patriot, a black scottish cyclops capable of consuming nigh-infinite amounts of liquor, a one-eyed man with a fairly moody disposition and a young woman who had quite the appetite. "Hey GUYS!" A certain man in a red spandex outfit began. "Hey YOU! YES YOU! A cookie to anyone who can name these people from descriptions alone!" "Okay. Who invited him?" A certain elderly assassin asked. "The Author did! Duh!" Pinkie Pie said as she burst out of nowhere. "See... the Author invited everyone!" "What's she talking about?" A man in a business suit asked as he walked in, grabbing a martini. "Okay. Surgical operation is done, I no longer have shrapnel about to go to my heart. Now then, what's all the menu? I am... oh... Pumpkin pie huh? Thanks for baking some kid." "Welcome!" The maker of said pastries smiled. "I am going to make some more if you don't mind me." "Yes. GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN." Deadpool snickered. "Jesus Christ, what an asshat." Slade groaned. "Okay. For real. Who the hell invited this joker?" "A better question would be... WHO DIDN'T INVITE ME?! I mean come on fellas! Who's the only one awesome enough not to have a movie made within the Avengers canon and still be included in all of this!?" "Does... does anyone know what he's talking about?" A sharp Bostonian asked as he sat down next to a red headed girl in a WWII styled uniform with a wild smile and a hefty chest. "Hey Baby... you ever seen me with my shirt off? It's quite the sight you know..." "You know... what he just said in that sentence is pretty terrifying. Terrifying enough to include in a Halloween story..." Pinkie Pie muttered slowly. "Yikes Scout, that's... that's pretty creepy." "What? How is that creepy?" "She's 16." Slade commented. "And you're 23." "Says the man who had a mistress that was the same age!" Deadpool commented over a few beers. "Come on Slade! You know how women are! You love them just as you love your wine! Sixteen years aged!" "Son of a bitch..." Slade grinded through his teeth as he grabbed a glass bottle and broke it underneath the table. "Things just got really weird..." A super-soldier with a prosthetic arm commented as he sat next to a young woman in a Luftwaffe uniform. "Slade... I never knew you were also a..." "Hey. Hey. She was my mistress. That meant she wanted to." "Okay. But still..." "Forget it. I am going to try to get myself drunk now." Slade grumbled as he grabbed some mead from Thor. "Forget this all happened and... wait... how did I get here again?" "Cause the Author silly!" Pinkie Pie jumped. "This is a Halloween special!" "What's Halloween?" Armin asked as he shook his head. "IT MEANS CANDY! LOTS AND LOTS OF CANDY! AND MORE CANDY! AND..." "Hey doc..." Engineer began at Pinkie's rambling. "You don't happen to have any horse-sedative on with you do you?" "Nein..." Medic said as he shook his head regrettably. "Vasn't zis suppressed to be Halloween party... so vhere are all ze scary things?" "Herr Doctor..." A girl who looked just like Erica rushed forward. The only difference was that she wore glasses. "Remember when you and Herr Conagher told me I could study the teleporter?" "Ja. And what?" "You know how you told me not to put any bread in it?" "Oh no..." "Well you see... um... Herr Doctor... Frau Lucchini and a... um... blue horse decided to teleport bread..." "Oh no..." "And I think... they teleported about 3 tons worth of wheat... oh wait... 30 tons..." "HOW DID THEY GET ALL THAT WHEAT?!" The rumbling noises indicated that it didn't really matter. "BREAD! I TELEPORTED BREAD!" Rainbow Dash laughed manically as Breadzilla appeared out of the ground. "Oh wait a minute..." "YA BLEEDING IDIOTS!" Demoman screamed over the roar of the bread monster. "Lads! Lassies! Help me kill this thing!" "Odin's beard! That monster!" "Jarvis! Suit! Now!" Bullets began to fly. While in the distance, a single man looks at you. And smiles through his mask. "Well guys happy Halloween!" "And you... can go @#$% yourself." A familiar voice called. A voice of a certain one-eyed assassin who currently had a hockey mask and a chainsaw. "Hey a hockey mask! It's not so different from your regular one.... OH MY GOD... HE CUT OFF MY ARM... YOU SICK BASTARD... OH MY GOD... MY ARM! MY ARRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" From the distance. Discord. Out of nowhere. "Hmm... I got to videotape this... oh wait... I have an idea..." Snap* "Tee-hee. You see boys and girls... I just love Zerg Rushing." "You know the thing about Chaos? It's fun..." "Glad you agree!" Discord said. "Now then... show me a magic trick! Make a pencil disappear!"