//------------------------------// // Impressions // Story: How to Survive in Equestria with Insomnia // by NerfedFalcon //------------------------------// “So, who’s actually in charge here?” I asked Twilight as she led me through the corridors of the palace. At first I was unable to say anything, having been taken aback by the sheer beauty of the place. I’d seen historical castles before, but they couldn’t compare to one that was actively inhabited and pulled together by magic. “I mean, you said you were an... alicorn? Is that actually what it is in Common Equis?” I didn’t want to get into another linguistic argument if I could avoid it, but the word seemed totally foreign to me. Twilight simply nodded, though. “That is the word for it, yes.” “But there’s more of them, older ones than you?” “I’m the youngest known Alicorn, yes.” The way she emphasised it, I felt like there was meant to be a capital letter on it. “I still hold a higher rank than most ponies, but I’m technically subservient to the current diarchs, Celestia and Luna.” “I suppose that’s CE again.” “Yes. I don’t have anything close enough to them in English. There’s also Cadance, but she technically rules the Crystal Empire, and I don’t have to answer to her.” I nodded slowly. Politics were never my thing at the best of times, but at least I wouldn’t have to get actively involved in politics in Equestria. “We’re here,” Twilight suddenly announced, stopping at a set of double doors. “This is the main dining room. There shouldn’t be too many ponies about, but at the very least, I expect Celestia should be here.” I nodded slowly, knowing that I’d have to try and behave as well as I could, though I’d probably still find some way to offend her. Trying one last time to rub the permanent slight bags under my eyes away, I followed Twilight through the doors. There was only one other pony there, but had I not known better, I would have classed her as being a full-grown horse. Her coat was white as snow, her horn and wings both long and graceful, and her mane was a flowing rainbow. Without even seeing the crown perched just in front of her horn, I knew instinctively that this was Celestia, and dropped into a bow. I didn’t know if the gesture was used by ponies, but the meaning would have been clear enough in any culture. In any case, Celestia didn’t seem to disapprove, saying nothing at all. It was Twilight who broke the silence that followed. Only catching my own name in the stream of syllables coming from her mouth, I assumed it was an introduction, and I stood up again, waiting for the senior princess’ response. “I am pleased to meet thee, Soren.” It took me a minute to pull my jaw off the floor, and looking around, I could see Twilight having the exact same reaction. As I pulled myself back together, I looked up at Celestia, but I couldn’t read her expression. “Art thou surprised? No more so than I, for I had not expected to see a human. Then again, if what Twilight tells me is true, thou art not of this world. That, I suppose, is only to be expected.” She cleared her throat, and then looked down at me directly. “What is so funny?” “It’s... Your English sounds like something out of Shakespeare. Not that it’s wrong, just about five hundred years out of date.” I was laughing throughout that, but as soon as I saw her frown, I immediately stopped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...” “If thou art only here to criticise my grasp of a language that for the longest time I thought dead, then begone from my sight at once.” “I already said I was sorry! What more do you want from me?!” I felt like I was about to snap at Celestia as I had at Twilight before, but the young princess stepped in on my behalf before I could, saying something in CE that seemed to calm Celestia down. “Look, I don’t mean to insult you, but sometimes I can’t stop myself saying shit I shouldn’t. Like then, I just swore in front of royalty. I didn’t mean anything by it, and I’d rather we could just set that aside. Is that okay with you?” Once again, Celestia’s face was set unreadably, though eventually she closed her eyes and nodded. “I shall allow it this time. But take care how you speak in this place. Many ponies may not take kindly to you speaking in such a way to me.” “I don’t even speak their language,” I admitted, glad to no longer be under her piercing gaze. “I’m probably not going to be saying much to anyone else. But you’re right.” I looked over the table, seeing nothing laid on it but at Celestia’s place. “What are you having for breakfast?” Twilight stepped up to answer. “From what I’ve read about humans, there’s not a whole lot that you can eat that we do. But there’s always oatmeal and fruit. Do you like apples?” “Yeah, I can go with oatmeal and apples. Not what I’d order for myself, but considering the situation, I’ll take it.” Twilight relayed the order to a pony who had just stepped in through a back door, and I noticed something about what she’d said. “Hey, Twilight, is it me or is the word ‘apple’ the same in both languages?” “Apple, apple, apple... You’re right. That’s kind of weird.” “Probably just a coincidence. But at least I’ll be able to get apples, if nothing else.” I looked across the set chairs, then turned to Celestia, who nodded at a chair one down from her left side. Twilight took the chair between us, fitting into it far more gracefully than I could. “Anyway, if I’m going to be stuck here for the foreseeable future, I might as well know something about this place. The world, the kingdom, the city, the palace, the ponies... I don’t know where to start asking. Though, a few proper names would help out a lot. The names of the country and the city, at least.” Twilight cleared her throat and started, “This is Canterlot, the capital city of Equestria. Neither of those were translations.” I nodded slowly, thinking about how ‘Canterlot’ sounded so similar to Camelot, but if it wasn’t a translation at all, it was probably just a coincidence. “For the past thousand years, the Royal Palace has been situated here, near the peak of a mountain. The city itself is built on a large series of supports, sitting on the face and occasionally cutting inside the mountain. Even before it was the capital, much of the nobility had seats of power here; after the War of the Sisters destroyed the old capital, it was only natural that it be moved here. “The city is divided into four segments. The Royal Palace is part of its own segment, known officially as the Royal Quarter. The others are the Aristocrats’ Quarter, the Merchants’ Quarter, and the Workers’ Quarter. Their usual inhabitants even now are easy enough to work out, though there’s been some overlap in recent times.” “Understandable,” I commented. “Maybe a little too much information, but that’s fine. Tell me more about the ponies. You said that your kind, the Alicorns, are the rarest, so then what are the common types?” Celestia stepped in to answer that. “Since the beginning, ponies have been divided into three races: the Earth Ponies, Unicorns, and Pegasi. Again, that’s what they call themselves; any overlap with thy language is either coincidental, or simply that thou borrowed the terms from us.” “Probably the former, considering I’m from another universe entirely.” “Quite. Anyway, in ancient times they were divided into three entirely separate tribes, and they dealt with one another as little as possible. When they were finally forced to unite, they came together under the leadership of a pair of ponies who possessed the traits of all three: myself and my sister.” “How long ago was this?” I asked. “Because where I come from, anyone living for longer than a hundred years or so is either rare or fantasy fiction.” “The Alicorns not only bear the power of all three races, but they contain an unnatural degree of said power. This has led to our continuing longevity. I do not know exactly how long I have lived for, but I have seen empires rise and fall, and worked tirelessly to maintain my own.” “Alright, I can accept that. So, Earth Ponies, Unicorns and Pegasi. What are they all like?” “First, and foremost, are the Earth Ponies. They bear no obvious magic, but their connection to the land gives them greater physical strength and endurance. Culturally, they are usually hard workers, most often farmers or miners. However, because of their seeming ‘normalcy’, they are often looked down upon by the others. “Then, there are the Pegasi, whose wings give them primarily the power of flight.” Celestia flared her own wings out at this point. “They also have other control over the sky, such as the weather. They are instrumental in helping to control the passing of the seasons.” “Wait, what? Manual weather and seasons? That sounds like something out of either a fantasy novel or a kids’ show.” “I do not know thy meaning, but I assure thee that this is the case. And finally, we have Unicorns, whose direct control over magic give them abilities beyond the mundane, though most specialise in one field of magic or another. My faithful student, whom thou call Twilight, was once a Unicorn with a talent for all magic. Her prodigiousness was such that she was able to ascend and become an Alicorn, which is an extremely rare occurrence, but not as much so as ponies born Alicorns.” Twilight bowed her head at the statement, either out of acceptance of a compliment or remembrance. “There is one last thing that thou should know about the pony races. Regardless of their affinity, all ponies bear a symbol of their identity, displayed on our flanks.” She turned her own flank so that I could see a stylised sunburst, and Twilight did the same with her six-pointed star. “I believe that the humans who once lived here called them Cutie Marks.” “So, Earth Ponies, Pegasi and Unicorns, the Alicorns are like all three at once, and every pony has a Cutie Mark that tells other ponies who they are. That about it?” “For now, that much will suffice. I believe thy breakfast is ready, anyway.” A pony set down a bowl of oatmeal with some apple slices floating in it in front of me. As a form of revision, I looked over them once, and determined they were an Earth Pony from their lack of wings or a horn. I thanked them, but I don’t know if they understood before they scurried off. The two princesses were watching me carefully, and all I could do was try to eat as carefully as I could. Elbows off the table, only a small spoonful, don’t clasp the spoon in a fist, don’t spill any of it, and be sure to say something nice even if you can hardly swallow it, since you’ve never really had oatmeal before and certainly not from a royal kitchen... “Is something the matter?” Twilight suddenly asked, and I realised that I’d been so worried checking over my classical etiquette that I hadn’t yet eaten anything. Shaking my head, I just took a spoonful of the oatmeal as normally as I could. “This is...” I quickly swallowed the mouthful, avoiding speaking with my mouth full. “This is actually really good stuff! Though, it might be even better with a little cinnamon...” I couldn’t get any further before the door literally slammed open, and a Unicorn walked in while saying something. Twilight must have known him already, because she seemed to tense up at the sight of him. Celestia seemed more reserved, though it was impossible to tell; if she’d kept a kingdom running for literally eons, then she probably had at least a passable poker face. He suddenly stopped speaking as his eyes fell on me, and his tone immediately changed to angry. The short statement was probably along the lines of “Who’s that?” I repeated the question myself in English, which only seemed to make him angrier. He stomped right up into my face and began ranting in CE, which I could only stare bemused at until Twilight, growling, shouted at him, probably to call him off. Whatever the case, he immediately rounded on her, spending another sentence or so badmouthing her before storming off. “What was that all about?” I asked, scratching my head and taking another spoonful of oats. “Oh, him. He’s a nuisance to everyone here, but he’s usually off somewhere else. I think he was just meaning to pester Celestia, though now that he knows about you...” She trailed off, and although I wanted to know what she was thinking, I suspected I would find out soon enough anyway. “Don’t let it ruin your breakfast, though. With any luck, you won’t be seeing him again.” “Why would he be trying to reach Celestia while she was having breakfast? And how would he even get the right, or the guts, to try?” “He is my nephew, give or take a few generations,” Celestia replied. “But he acts as though that puts him above every other pony alive, and I have no official way to disown him. He is a nuisance, but he is incapable of any real harm. Do not let his threats bother you.” “If I don’t even know what those threats are, I’m going to be watching my back anyway,” I replied. “But I doubt he poisoned my oatmeal, so,” I picked up another spoonful and swallowed, “let’s at least get breakfast done with before I think about anything else.” “Anyway, I told him you were under my protection,” Twilight added, “so if he’s got any brains at all, he won’t try anything. Even though I’m not directly related to Celestia, I’m still an Alicorn, and official royalty rather than just having a title and a lot of money.” “I wouldn’t test that, knowing some of the bluebloods in my own world.” More oatmeal fell through my throat, the taste still better than I’d thought oatmeal could be. “But I guess worrying won’t do me any good.” One last scrape around the bowl finished it off. “If I’m going to be here for a while, I’d better get to know the lay of the land.” “In that, I cannot assist thou greatly. I must take to court for the morning, and I doubt that your presence there, or my lack of it, would not be frowned upon. But if my student hath taken responsibility for thou, then I shall leave it to her to keep you out of trouble as well.” She said something to Twilight, who nodded a few times. If she’d switched back, there were probably a few things that she didn’t want me knowing about, but I could deal with that. I was the guest, after all, and there’s a few things that guests just don’t do. I’d already broken most of those rules by that point, but hopefully Twilight could keep me from falling into any other pitfalls. As the only pony I could talk to, I’d have to trust her, or else I’d go insane from the isolation, especially combined with my continuing insomnia. “So, Twilight,” I started as I stood up from the table. “Where do you suggest we start the tour?” “There’s a hedge maze outside in the grounds. Want to take a shot at it?” “Sounds good to me.” Twilight suddenly yawned loudly, and then laughed and blushed as she had before. “I forgot how tired I was from staying up all last night. I can at least show you where the entrance is, but then I’d better get some sleep. I can help get you a room later.” “Alright. I’d like a room, even if I don’t actually sleep there. Lead the way, Twilight.” ~~~ The month had started out so well for Prince Blueblood, but he should have known that it couldn’t last. First there was the business of a new princess, and it was that upstart commoner that Celestia had plucked off the streets years ago. He’d never thought she’d amount to anything, but that she’d become an Alicorn by ‘means unknown’ rankled, and that she had more authority than him despite being fourteen years his junior annoyed him to no end. Then there was that hairless ape sitting at the royal dining table, which couldn’t even speak properly, but the new ‘princess’ had defended him nonetheless. He almost didn’t want to eat breakfast that day anymore, until he suddenly realised something. He’d never seen an animal like the one that she’d been with, and if he could prove it was dangerous, then he’d be able to call her on a lack of judgement, and possibly even get her deposed. The plan started to take form in his head, and he smirked at his own intelligence. If all went well, by the end of the week, ‘Princess’ Twilight Sparkle would be gone, out of sight and out of mind, and he’d be back to his normal life once again. But first, he’d need to eat breakfast. The royal dining room was out, of course, but he had his own rooms in the castle, and he’d be perfectly able and willing to eat there. Something simple to start, like a cinnamon roll and a cup of tea, both perfectly heated and arranged, as he’d expect the royal cooks to be able to do, especially for nobility such as himself.