//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: AAAAAAAAAAAAArientation // by BillyColt //------------------------------// Chapter 3 Rarity stared in horror at the sight before her. The artist's studio was covered in new paintings of the yellow stallion, all in... various poses. "What... what..." Rarity stammered. The painter stepped out, covered in splotches of paint. He had a delirious glint in his eye and a huge grin on his face. "I can't believe how long I've been blind to the beauty of the male body!" He waved around at the portraits. "All my life, I've been completely oblivious to this amazing world!" He took a deep breath. "Anyway, how are you, Rarity?" If Rarity weren't white as a sheet to begin with, she would've been now. She let out a scream and high-tailed it right out of the studio. The artist was highly unconcerned, and simply turned to his newest portrait. "Oh, my beautiful, beautiful muse..." *** Similar chaos had not reached the cafe just yet. Rare Find was, at that moment, enjoying a mug of hot chocolate. He was a brown earth pony stallion with a light grey mane. His cutie mark, as might have been expected from his name, was a set of emeralds. He cheerfully waved to one of his friends, a pegasus who was off to do cloud work. His ears pricked up. He heard a high, shrill voice calling... "Fiiiiiiiiiind!" Rare Find turned around to see a familiar and welcome face charging towards his table. "Oh, Rarity!" he said as she sat down, huffing, at the table. "How are you?" "Find, Find, Find..." said Rarity, drawing herself up and smiling, almost desperately at him, "my favorite unavailable stallion. I'm so glad I found you!" "Wanted to run a fashion design by me?" he asked. "No," said Rarity. "Something awful has happened." "What?" "It's the worst possible thing!" she exclaimed. "The stallions in Ponyville, they're all... they're all..." Rare Find blinked. "They're what?" "They're all turning GAY!" Rare Find and Rarity stared at each other for a few seconds, Rarity heaving with every breath she took. "Uhh..." said Rare Find, "excuse me?" "It's just awful!" she said. "So I'm going to my appointment with Painterly to get my portrait done..." "This is the guy that paints pictures of mares and basically uses that as an excuse to ogle them, right?" "That's the one." Rarity nodded. "Anyway, I go to see him today, and you know what? He's got all these paintings of a stallion up on the walls and he's raving about the beauty of the male body and..." Rare Find got up from his seat. "Where are you going?" "To get a portrait." Rarity threw herself at his hooves. "Plee-hee-hease..." she moaned. "You have to help me! You're the only pony in Ponyville I can turn to!" "Because I'm gay?" "Well, yes..." Rare Find sighed. He looked around at the tables. They were all eyeing the scene with looks of confusion and amusement. He felt as though he had unwittingly blundered into a disastrous farce. He quite suspected he had. "Well, I dunno what you want me to do. So Painterly's come out of the closet, so what?" "It's not just him!" said Rarity, getting back on her hooves. "Lucky and Caramel... I think they are, too. And I think it has something to do with a new stallion in town. Braeburn." "Oh? Is he cute?" "Rare Find, this is about my prospects, not yours. I think Braeburn is doing something to the stallions here, and..." Rare Find rolled his eyes. "And what? You want me to talk to him or something?" "Hmm..." said Rarity. "That could be an idea. Now, you be a darling and I'll be in your debt forever! Meanwhile..." She turned around, a look of determination in her eyes, "I need to do some work of my own... I'll find Applejack and ask her what this is all about." *** "So..." said Rainbow Dash, "bear with me while I try to figure this out..." The girls minus Rarity, Mrs. Cake, and Big Macintosh, were all gathered at Twilight's library. Twilight had taken up a position near the front, levitating a pointer next to a chart that had a list of all the stallions in Ponyville, with checkmarks next to the ones they knew were affected. "Applejack's hyperactive cousin has come to visit," said Rainbow Dash, "and now all the guys are prancing around with each other?" "Well, after him, at least," said Twilight with a shrug. Rainbow Dash stood there for a minute, soaking that in. Then, a grin crept across her face... "BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man this is great!" she said. "This is perfect! Now every time some pony does something silly I can be all 'that is so gay of you!' There's no limit to the number of gay jokes that will work!" "But that ruins a gay joke," said Pinkie Pie. The girls all looked at her. "I mean, there's nothing funny about a gay colt being gay. The best gay jokes are about colts who aren't gay or who might be gay, but you can't tell!" "Uhh..." said Twilight Sparkle, "aaaanyway, what we know is that Braeburn, somehow, has a magical property that makes other stallions homosexual. Mainly, it makes them attracted to him. Now, this is the list of colts we know that have been affected. Now, the first course of action is to find Braeburn and keep him from..." "Umm, I'm sorry," said Fluttershy. "But... I don't really understand what's the matter here. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with it, is there? I mean, being gay is just another part of life." "It ain't natural!" said Applejack. "Oh, actually, I've worked with animals a lot, and it happens all the time..." "Iiiii think Applejack was more referring to the 'magically altering one's sexual orientation' thing as being unnatural," Twilight clarified. "What's going on?" The ponies in the room looked up at the staircase, where Spike was looking down at the scene. "What's with the chart?" he asked. "Are you... doing dating or something?" "Say..." said Rainbow Dash. "Spike was with us when we went to Appleloosa. How come he wasn't affected?" "Hmm..." said Twilight. "Affected?" asked Spike. "Affected by what?" "Spike," said Twilight, "when we were in Appleloosa, did you talk to Braeburn?" "Huh?" said Spike. He thought for a minute. "Well, I dunno. I didn't really have a reason. He was kinda... annoying? Well, not that... hyper?" "So Spike isn't affected," said Rainbow Dash. "Why is that?" "What are we talking about?" asked Spike. "Oh, nothing!" said Pinkie Pie, appearing suddenly at the top of the stairs. "Just wanted to see if our little Spikey-Wikey had a little secret thing in his closet that he wanted to come out about." Spike stared at her, then at the rest of them, and then at Pinkie Pie again. "Can I please go back to my room?" "So," said Twilight, returning to her chart. "We know that Spike isn't affected, so it only seems to affect ponies. We'll have to see how Cranky Doodle-" "Hey there!" Slowly, the ponies in the room slowly turned towards the door, and saw Braeburn there, flanked by Lucky, Caramel, and Sir Colton Vines III.