Coming To Terms

by DerpyStarlet


Shocking Revelations

I walk into the school house and sulk into my seat, there's only a couple other ponies in here right now. My eyes wander around the room and latch onto a single pony, I don't recognize her. She's got a yellow and pink two-tone mane and tail, and she's got eyes in a similar pink color. I look at those eyes and I read nervousness and anxiety. I wonder why?

“Excuse me, Miss? Are you a new student here?” Cheerilee has noticed the filly too, and she’s looking at her in confusion. Miss Cheerilee always knows the new students.

“No, I’ve been a student for a while, Cheerilee. I’m just a little different.” Always been a student? Maybe I just don’t remember her? No, because Cheerilee didn’t recognize her either. “It’s me, Star Soar.” Star Soar? but isn’t he a… well, a he? I get tunnel vision as I focus in on Star Soar, he looks like a filly. He looks like a filly, and he’s not even wearing a dress or anything. He looks the same as always, but something is different. Something about him that makes him not seem like a colt.

Years of reading books has taught me how to see small things others might not notice, things that might seem insignificant. It’s how I can read lots of ponies, not all, just a lot. It takes me a while to figure out the answer a lot of the time, so I need the headstart in getting facts. The major fact here is that there’s something about Star that seems to scream filly. What’s different?

His eye’s? No, they’re just pink. I know lots of stallions with pink eyes. His mane? No, it’s just dye. It’s not like it’s styled more like a fillies, it’s the same as always. What is it? What could it be? What-

“Look at her cutie mark, what does it mean?” I snap out of my thoughts at the exclamation, I look at the pony who said it. I notice that I spaced out and class had started, only to abruptly stop as everyone tries to figure out who Star Soar is. I look at Star and my eyes lock onto the mark on his flank, ignoring the background noise and reading his mark. I know exactly what it is, and I’m fairly sure as to what it means. But, it just can’t be true, can it?

Modeling? And that’s the symbol for females, so modeling as a filly. But, Star’s a colt. That can’t be possible… I thought I was the only one. Are we the same? Isn’t he scared? Why is he not scared? He’s anxious, nervous, embarrassed, and ashamed. His eye’s say it all, but they show no fear. How can he be so… fearless?

I’d never dare tell anyone, and here he is. Doing exactly that. I’m not really listening to everypony, but I am looking around. Everyone else shows confusion, curiosity, and a few show disgust. But, surprisingly, there is no hate. I look at Cheerilee and she is anxious, confused, nervous, shocked, and uncomfortable. That makes me wilt a little, but I don’t dare speak up. I look at the rest of the Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon. The latter two are inspecting their hooves in boredom, a ruse. Silver Spoon looks like she wants to ask Star Soar a bunch of questions, and Diamond Tiara is put off by how much attention Star is getting. She’s also a little disappointed for some reason, but that disappointment is most definitely directed at Star.

I look at the rest of the Crusaders and it’s obvious they’ve known. Sweetie Belle is actually difficult to read, as in I’ve never been able to clearly read her. Ponies like her are an anomaly, though a rare one. The only other pony I haven’t been able to read is Pinkie Pie, which is understandable. Still, her look seems to portray happiness and maybe a hint of pride? Though, she could just as easily be thinking about anything else.

Applebloom has a little bit of worry, but there is definitely pride. I also see happiness and longing, more than likely longing for a cutie mark of her own. Scootaloo is also happy and proud, she’s also thoughtful about something. She’s looking at me. I blink and she turns back to Star, did I imagine that? It almost seemed like she was sizing me up, like she was trying to figure something out. She’s looking at Star’s cutie mark now with a thoughtfulness I remember seeing Twilight have. It’s that sort of scientific intrigue Twilight can get about something that’s abnormal. I have no Idea what it is specifically she’s thinking about.

I look back to Star and wonder how he can be so... cool with this? I would be freaking out, because it's wrong isn't it? Then, why isn't everyone else acting like that? Have I been wrong this whole time?

"...Now the first and most obvious way to divide this big group is gender. Now, fillies on the right side, colts on the left," I blink out of my thoughts as my brain starts to take hold of the situation. My body starts dragging me to the right side, but eventually I gather my bearings and halt. I turn around and start to walk to the left side before I see it, Star Soar is standing on the right side of the room.

My brain is screaming at me and my heart is tugging me to be beside him, stand up with him. Stand beside the brave colt who dares to be who he wants, the colt I can never be. I'm rooted to the spot as I look at Star in shock, but mostly fear. Gripping and unadulterated fear that claws at my very being. Miss Cheerilee makes her way towards him, every hoofstep sends my heart racing.

"Star, you're on the wrong side. You're a colt." I scramble to the right side as tears threaten to brim. Right as I started to let myself believe things weren't as I thought they were, I'm proven wrong. There's still prejudice and it's still wrong, and... they're helping him. The class they're standing up for him, even Diamond Tiara. Though, one look at her eyes and it's obvious she's not doing it for him, she's doing it just for the sake of doing it. If there was ever a time to be thankful for Diamond Tiara being Diamond Tiara, it was now.

I watch in awe as the teacher backs down and continues giving out instructions. He won, he stood against stereotypes and won... I know what I need to do, I need his help.

~~~~~~~

I fidget slightly as I sneak my way through Sweet Apple Acres. I spent all the rest of yesterday just trying to figure out how I'd ask Star. I finally decided to intercept them at their clubhouse. So, here I am, sneaking my way there as quickly as possible. I can't focus on anything aside from my stealth, but the anxiety keeps clawing at the back of my mind. My heart is racing at the thought of what I'm about to do, fear lingers in the forefront of my mind.

I finally approach the clubhouse after what seems like forever. I take a deep breath and steel my resolve, clambering up to the front door. I close my eyes and move my hoof up and swiftly knock three soft times on the door. I hope silently that they didn't notice, but I can already hear tiny hoofsteps of a filly scuttling towards the door. The door opens and I find Star Soar, he, or should I say she, is in a casual dress. She looks at me in confusion, and my mouth goes dry.

"Uh, hey, Snails." She says, I can hear the other three crusaders dropping everything and turning to the door. I look past Star and see the other Crusaders looking at me with interest. Applebloom seems to be just as confused as Star Soar about my appearance. Sweetie Belle seems to be shaking with excitement, even if her eyes seem to betray surprise at my arrival she still seems to think something big is going to happen. She's still impossible to read, so that's just an assumption.

Scootaloo, however, is inspecting me back. I can see a hint of recognition as she notices my scanning. I even notice a glint of knowing in her eyes, but what she knows has yet to be seen. She drops whatever book she was reading and turns her full attention to the doorway, Applebloom also drops some sort of magazine eagerly. Whatever she was reading, it must not have been very good. Sweetie Belle also drops what I assume to be a book of recipes, I blanch as I recall her previous attempts at cooking. One day she brought in cookies for the class, they were almost entirely burnt dough. There was a little slightly charred dough near the center, but barely anypony got that far.

"Snails? Y'all don't ever come by here," Applebloom says.

"Ooh! Ooh! I sense an event!" Sweetie Belle exclaims, I ignore the odd turn of phrase.

"Uh, yeah. I... I um... Star? I kinda..." oh Celestia, this is hard. "I want to ask for your help, Star." I tell her.

"Oh, okay. What with?" Star Soar asks happily.

"I... I don't know how to put this..." I search for the right words. It takes several minutes, but I finally piece together my thoughts. "Would you consider yourself not normal?" I ask.

"Uh, yeah... I guess, why?" Star answers in confusion.

"Well, I'm the same. Not normal. Different." I try to explain, enunciating my words carefully. Speaking slowly, giving my thoughts time to catch up to my mouth.

"Oh, how so?" Star asks politely.

"Um..." I rack my brains, trying to summon the memory up. "Gender Dysphoric! I'm Gender Dysphoric..." I finally answer.

"Ahh, I thought so. Come on in, and shut the door too." I see Scootaloo beckoning me in and I obey.

"What's that?" Sweetie Belle asks.

"Well, it's a term used to describe a pony who is confused about their gender." Scootaloo answers, tapping the book she was reading. "It's in this book Twilight recommended," she beams. I blink in surprise.

"I didn't know you were a reader," I tell her, she slumps.

"Yeah, nopony ever does..." she scoffs lightly before straightening back up.

"Is Star gender dysphoric?" Sweetie Belle asks.

"Nah, she knows she wants to be a filly. Twilight said she's transgender." Applebloom answers.

"Precisely. Now, Snails. I'm going to ask you something very important," I nod hesitantly for her to continue. "Are you gender dysphoric, or transgender?" I suck in my breath. It's the moment of truth. Am I sure I want to do this?

"I... I want to be transgender if you all can help me..." I say quietly.

"Okay! Here you go! We'll have a proper initiation later!" Sweetie Belle says, nearly strangling me with some sort of fabric. She bounces away and I look at my neck in shock, did what I think just happen really just happen?

"Does this mean...?" I ask, not daring to finish my question.

"That we'll help you? That you're a Crusader?" Scootaloo asks with a smile, "yes to all of the above. Welcome to the club."

"But... why? I've already got my cutie mark." I point out.

"Yeah, well... We've been thinking. And the crusaders are more than Cutie Marks now. We realized we don't want to just stop crusading once we get our marks, this clubs become more than that." Scootaloo explains.

"We looked at this club and realized it was almost never really about some mark, it was about much more. It's about our future, our destiny. It's about searching for who we are, who we are meant to be. It's about support and helping eachother. It's about friendship." Star Soar declares.

"Your a nice colt... er, sorry. You're a nice pony, Snails, we got nothing against you. You did bring in the ursa minor, but we forgive you for that. Plus, it sounds like you're a lot like Star, and that's great. So, what do you say? Wanna be a Crusader?" Applebloom asks. I look at these four fillies in awe. I give them an inch and they returned a mile.

"Yes, yes I do." Tears are brimming in my eyes as I'm surrounded for a group hug. The world is telling me that everything is gonna be alright.