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// 1. The Mysterious Porridge 
// Story: Fallout Equestria: Audio Log's of an Equestrian Traitor 
// by NuclearCupcake 
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[BEGIN MESSAGE #1]
I wonder if anypony would read this? Where I am right now, I’m leaning towards the ‘in the far-flung future’ area.
Anyways. The names Lycium Luck and at the time I’m recording this, I can say I’m now one hundred percent officially Bucked.
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[BEGIN MESSAGE #2]
Just had another thought, if by some chance my recordings were found then I might as well tell a story. Who knows, maybe in a post-apocalyptic wasteland somepony would be interested in the buck-up of a lifetime!
Heck I’ll start right now.
About half a month ago I had failed my first contract in ten years, as such I was contacted by the pony that gave me it and was told to head to Hoofington’s MWT. Not too keen on the ministries but if they didn’t bother me, I wouldn’t bother them. Walking down the street when I suddenly hear the wail of a little filly with no parents nearby so I take it upon myself to go see what’s wrong with the poor foal. And it all went downhill from there…
WHACK! A hoof right into my face and a cloth put over my muzzle, gasping for air I realised that the cloth was drugged and pa-
OI! I DON’T WANNA BUCKIN HERE YOUR LIFE’S STORY! TURN YOUR VOICE DOWN! 
[END MESSAGE]


[BEGIN MESSAGE #3]
I'll try and be quieter this time I think. But if you haven’t guessed it by now, yes I am locked in a cell. If you think that’s where I woke up after being drugged then you’d be wrong, I woke up somewhere much worse than here, wherever here is exactly.
I woke up in what appeared to be one of them auto-carriages judging by the roar of an engine. I had a bag over my head so all I knew was that, judging by the voices I could hear, I was surrounded by ponies. After I coughed and spluttered for a little bit, they realised I was awake. This stallion started talking to me in what must’ve been the worst attempt at a Manehatten gangster accent I’ve ever heard haha! But yeah, so he just sounded that corny to me I tuned him out after he went off in a tirade about death threats, do you know what this means and accidents to be arranged…However, when I heard the words contract and failure come out I snapped to straight away, for you see my little pony I am what is known as a Hitstallion, and what th-

*KATHUNK*

OI YOU SHIT! WHO IN LUNA’S BUCKING NAME ARE YOU TALKING TOO IN HERE?! YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND?!
Nah buddy, just your pretty fac-
[END MESSAGE]


[BEGIN MESSAGE #4]
*coughs* Sorry about that, somepony couldn’t handle my sexy voice mumbling. A stallion the size of Big Macintosh isn’t one to take a hoof to the face from. I think he's actually knocked me into tomorrow, today? Whatever. I think it’s been a day since I last talked or even a couple of hours, I’m hungry now which I wasn’t before so I’m getting a bit confused. Thanks to whatever happened to my Pipbuck I can’t even tell the time let alone the date. 
*KATHUNK*
OI.
Food.
*Sliding metal, KATHUNK*
Well. Looks like we have a date together stranger, grey mush with all the trimmings and a side of pink jelly. Yay. So I think I was on about my occupation? I am a Hitstallion and if you don’t know what one of those are then to put it simply I’m like a murderer who isn’t crazy and gets paid for doing it. Oh and I take what is called a ‘contract’ which tells me who to kill and sometimes get a bonus if I kill them in a particular way, you’d be quite surprised at the amount of contracts floating around nowadays, even if there is a war on.
*slurping noises from food*
Anyway, continuing with this stallion talking to me about my contract. Basically it was one I was specifically sought out for and had a price tag of over twenty million bits and a prototype sniper-revolver named Soarin’s Sureshot, colt did it look beautiful…The catch was I had to kill the, well I’d say target but that’s such a Strong word.
*slurping noises from the food followed by a gulp*
Well it was a she so how about Mare? Yeah so the Mare had to be killed in a way that looked like an accident. Looking back on what happened because I failed makes it seem like it was a bit too important for me to fail on hehe. But hey, I did message them that accidents for a pony like Mare to be in are almost nigh impossible for her to come out of injured let alone dead.
Acting on this I tried to tell him that I could still take her out and I’d forfeit the money, I really wanted that pistol, if he let me go. Realising I was gagged at that point made me regret trying to speak at all since I reckon he didn’t like my tone of voice so either he or one of his cronies broke my damned hoof.
My clopping hoof as well.
[END MESSAGE]


[BEGIN MESSAGE #5]
Hey there, I’ve had a small sleep since the last time I recorded and I was going to wait a bit longer but I had another meal a few minutes before and I discovered something pretty neat.
A piece of the grey mush fell onto my orange uniform and, I actually hadn’t realised at the time, must’ve slipped into one of the pockets because my wrist-thing lit up briefly. So I twisted the dial but that only cycled through local map, which was blank, world map, also blank and then I just pressed one of the other buttons and it jumped to the apparel section. Looking under Armour I have clothing labelled as: Subject Two-Five-Nine Overalls and looking into Aid guess what I saw. The grey mush labelled: Mysterious Porridge.
Kind of freaked me out. Especially since its details were minus forty food, minus forty H2O and plus two HP. I’m going to assume that’s a good thing right?
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