//------------------------------// // The Big Apologies // Story: The Last Temptation of Hondo Flanks // by angelbunny //------------------------------// Sweetie Belle trudged slowly along the edge of the lake with her head hung low. She had sulked over her recent goof-up with Button Mash long enough and it was getting late. There was never a nighttime activity that was worth receiving another parental lecture about breaking curfew. Ponyville was a small country town and had no nightlife to speak of so its streetlamps were few and far between. Had it not been for the gentle sloshing of the lake to her right and the light coming from the windows of the neighboring houses, she would have had to cast an illumination spell in order to see where she was – and sustained illumination was more exhausting than sustained levitation at her current level of magical mastery. As she approached her house, she caught sight of an unusual structure on the front lawn that had been erected during her absence. It appeared to be a very large wooden doghouse. When she was close enough, she was able to make out its occupant: her father. “Well, somepony sure took her sweet time getting back home,” said Hondo. “I was about to go looking for you.” “Sorry,” said Sweetie Belle. “Something came up.” Sweetie Belle examined her father’s new shelter. “Mom made an actual doghouse for you?” “Yep.” Sweetie Belle ran her right forehoof along the surface of the doghouse’s roof. “Wow,” she said. “She even sanded it.” “Yeah, I guess she figures that I’ll be here for a while,” posed Hondo. “Your grandpa on your mother’s side was a carpenter so I guess she picked up a few tricks from him.” “Don’t you need to go inside for work clothes on Monday?” “Honestly, I’d rather buy a new wardrobe at Barnyard Bargains tomorrow morning than risk going back inside.” Hondo gave the side of his new abode a knock with his left forehoof. “I’m just lucky she didn’t give this thing a coat of paint. That alone tells me she’s not completely steamed at me.” The gentle pitter patter of raindrops striking the roof of the doghouse heralded the arrival of the overdue downpour that was scheduled tonight. “Skooch over,” said Sweetie Belle as she entered her father’s temporary abode to stay dry. “Your mother’s not mad at you, hun,” said Hondo as he moved to his left to give Sweetie Belle some room. “You can go inside whenever you want.” Sweetie Belle turned around carefully and curled up beside her father. “I know,” she said, resting her jaw atop her crossed forelegs. “But Button put me in the doghouse, too... so it’s only fitting that I should join you in here.” “What happened?” asked Hondo. “I played a practical joke on him that he didn’t think was very funny.” “Oh, pshaw, he’ll get over it. Hydra fans only hold grudges against Ursas.” “I don’t know. He looked pretty mad. What about Mom? How mad is she at you?” “On a scale from one to ten, I’d say this is about a seven and a half... but she’ll get over it. You’d think that during all these years of being married to her that I’d have learned by now not to tell a lie – even a harmless one. A wife is supposed to trust her husband.” Sweetie Belle sighed and looked at the ground. “And a coltfriend’s supposed to trust his fillyfriend,” she said. She looked up at her father and gave him a halfhearted grin. “Looks like we’re two peas in a pod, you and me.” Hondo grinned back at his daughter. “Sweetie Belle,” he said. “There isn’t another filly in the whole world I’d rather share this pea pod with than you. And Button’s a smart kid. He’ll come around and forgive you.” “You think so?” “I know so.” Both Hondo and Sweetie Belle lay together quietly as they listened to the soothing rainfall sing a primitive song to their souls. “Dad?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Yeah?” replied Hondo. “You know I love you, right?” “Sure I do, hun. You know I love you, too, right?” “Yeah, I do. Love is pretty awesome – but it sure isn’t easy.” “You got that right.” Hondo playfully rubbed his daughter’s head with his right forehoof. “I was worried that you’d be just as mad at me as your mother was for the way I messed up dinner. Your old stallion’s getting soft between the ears in his old age.” “That’s okay. I forgive you.” “Thanks. Speaking of which...” Hondo gently booped his daughter’s nose with his left forehoof. “You took Button out of the house before we had dessert and he didn’t run off because of me. If you remember our agreement, that means you get zilch. Better luck next time, sugar wafer.” “I don’t care about the money,” sighed Sweetie Belle. “Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m actually kicking myself on the inside right now... but I don’t want to talk about that.” “Then what would you like to talk about?” Sweetie Belle grinned. “The Pumpkin Bowl,” she said. “The one you played in when you were in college.” Hondo’s eyes widened. “You want to talk about the Pumpkin Bowl?” he asked. “Well, sort of,” she replied. “I want to listen to you talk about the Pumpkin Bowl.” Hondo grinned. “All, right, who are you?” asked Hondo. “And what have you done with my daughter?” Sweetie Belle smirked for a moment before changing her expression to one of sincerity. “No, really,” she said, placing her right forehoof on her father’s right forehoof. “I never thought about it before tonight but... I’ve hardly ever made time for you. I’ve shared lots of things with you that I was proud of and you were always right there waiting to humor me or listen to me. And that’s what a good dad is supposed to do. When you and Button started talking about hoofball, I was mad that you weren’t talking with me or about me. Then I saw how happy you looked and I felt jealous that you were sharing something with him and leaving me out of it. But then I realized that I’ve had lots of opportunities to sit and listen to you about the stuff you’re proud of and yet I never have; not really... and that’s what a good daughter ought to do. I’ve been so busy with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo trying to earn my cutie mark or going out with Button that I neglected you.” Hondo stroked his daughter’s mane. “Aw, that’s okay, Sweetie Belle,” said Hondo. Sweetie Belle shook her head. “No, it’s not okay,” she said. “You must have been hurting all those times I told you that I didn’t want to hear about your hoofball stories. And I’m really sorry about that. Your accomplishments might have been a long time ago but that doesn’t make them any less important. I know that talking about those games makes you happy. And I like when you’re happy because you’re my dad and I love you.” Sweetie Belle grinned. “So, pretty please, with oats on top – tell me about the time you played in the Pumpkin Bowl. I want to spend some time with my amazing dad and hear about how he ruled the hoofball field in his prime.” Hondo smiled. He nuzzled his daughter. As he did so, he realized how lucky he was that his child was a filly who he could continue to nuzzle past infancy. A colt had to be tough and strong – and could never be seen receiving a gesture of love from his father without getting teased over it. “It was game day,” began Hondo. “The weather ponies on duty in the clouds above Hoofington must not have been hoofball fans because the skies were gray and dingy. The rain came down twenty minutes before we hit the field; not in sheets and not a gentle drizzle like this one – it was that irritating kind of rain that was just strong enough to remind you that it was there. The bleachers were packed with fans who were noisy as all get out. The event sold out weeks in advance and word on the street was that scalpers were charging as much as a hundred bits a ticket. For college game tickets, that price was unheard of at the time. The Las Pegasus University Mavericks were the odds-on favorites. Those guys weren’t just good, they were disciplined. A season long undefeated streak carries a pretty heavy intimidation factor with it. Our kicker Gus fainted twice before the game even started. The Maverick head coach was sure that this would be an easy cup to add to his school’s trophy case but little did he know that beating in the chest of a young starting quarterback for the Hoofington U. Timberwolves named Hondo Flanks – was the heart of a warrior who ate pressure for breakfast.” Sweetie Belle grinned as she became engrossed in the exciting tale of how the Timberwolves defeated the Mavericks. Though it continued to rain outside, Hondo Flanks and Sweetie Belle hardly noticed, for they were too busy making their own sunshine. Elaina tapped her hoof on the floor repeatedly as she watched another minute of Sunday morning sunlight go to waste. She had been waiting on her couch for her younger son Button Mash to finish his bath so that he could join her for a trip to the market. The earliest shoppers usually got the choicest morsels and the market had opened for business over an hour ago. Her patience had officially run out. “Button, would you get a move on?” she shouted. “I’d like to buy the groceries some time this year!” “All right, already,” grumbled Button as he came downstairs. “You don’t have to yell.” “Yes, I do – because I’m a big, mean, dungeon dwelling cave troll and that’s how we trolls communicate.” “Aw, c’mon, Mom! I called you that when I was just a little kid.” “When you were just a...? You said it seven weeks ago!” “You’re keeping count? Gosh, Mom, you need to learn to stop living in the past.” Button’s observation reminded Elaina of her late night encounter with Hondo Flanks and the shameful request she made of him. “You may be right about that,” she conceded, casting her half open eyes at the floor. “I am?” asked Button, surprised to hear such a thing. “Maybe. Never mind. We’ve got some shopping to do. Let’s go.” Elaina opened the door and froze upon finding a startling – if not terrifying – sight on her front steps. Standing in front of her were Hondo’s wife and youngest daughter. “Elainaaaa, hiiiiii,” said Cookie warmly. “I’m Cookie Crumbles, Sweetie Belle’s mom. It’s so nice to meet youuuuu.” “H-Hello,” stammered Elaina as she trembled and forced a smile to appear on her face. “It’s n-nice to meet you, too.” She turned her attention to her son’s fillyfriend. “Hi, Sweetie Belle, I’m pleased to meet you at last.” “Same here, ma’am,” said Sweetie Belle politely. “Good morning, Button.” Button turned his head and frowned, refusing to look at her or return the greeting. Sweetie Belle’s ears drooped at his indifference toward her. “And it’s nice to see you again, Button,” said Cookie. “Likewise, Mrs. Crumbles,” said Button in the kind of chipper tone that he deliberately chose not to use to greet Sweetie Belle. “Is Mr. Flanks with you?” Button craned his neck out to peer behind Cookie. “I’m sorry, Button,” replied Cookie, “but he’s very busy at the moment and couldn’t make the time to come down. He did ask me to say hi to you for him, though.” Knowing that a hoofball great knew that he existed was exciting to him and he flashed a sincere smile. Cookie returned her attention to Elaina. “Sweetie Belle and I were just talking about how much we enjoyed having your little stallion over for dinner last night,” said Cookie. “In fact, he was such a polite house guest that she felt she’d come on over and tell him so herself. And since it’s such a nice day out, I thought I’d tag along and introduce myself... and maybe touch base on a few other subjects? Minus our little ones, of course. Unless you don’t mind having them around for our conversation.” Elaina gulped as a drop of sweat rolled down her forehead. All doubt was removed. Cookie knew what had taken place and had her right where she wanted her. It was a choice between being alone with her or exposing the children to her indecent proposal. “No, that’s all right,” she said, widening her fake smile further. Elaina addressed her son without taking her eyes off of Cookie. “Button? Why don’t you and Sweetie Belle run off to the arcade together and play some games for a while? I can get the groceries myself today.” “With Sweetie Belle, huh?” replied Button, hesitant to go anywhere with Sweetie Belle. “I dunno...” “You can take my change purse,” said Elaina. Button’s eyes widened. “The whole thing?” he asked. “The whole thing,” replied Elaina. “But share some with Sweetie Belle, okay?” Button smiled. He would have gone to the arcade with King Sombra as long as his mother was hoofing the bill for his gaming. He zipped inside, grabbed the swollen purse and zipped back to the doorway. “Bye, Mom!” shouted Button, galloping in the direction of the arcade. “Bye, Mrs.Crumbles!” “Button, wait up!” cried Sweetie Belle as she galloped after him. Cookie turned her head and waved at the foals as they ran off. Once they were out of sight, she faced forward and looked at Elaina. “They make such an adorable couple, don’t you think?” asked Cookie, still smiling as if she wasn’t the least bit angry. “Uh-huh,” agreed Elaina. “Sorry I caught you on your way out to do some shopping. I didn’t mean to hold you up.” “It’s okay.” The awkward tension lingered in the air like a stealthy dragon waiting to pounce upon her. Having the conversation that she knew was coming while standing in the doorway was not her first choice. Her neighbors might overhear and Ponyvillians certainly loved to spread gossip and rumors. “Would you... like to come in for a while? I can make some tea.” “Oh, that would be lovely,” said Cookie, “but I can’t stay for very long.” Elaina breathed a sigh of relief and silently thanked Celestia that she wouldn’t have to endure this discomfort for much longer. If the lecture wasn’t going to be private, it would at least be brief. “So,” said Cookie. “I hear that you’re interested in having another baby.” “Uh... yes.” “Well, I want to wish you luck with that. I sure wish there was some way I could help you out. Oh, I know.” Cookie quickly placed her right foreleg behind Elaina’s neck and drew her close. Elaina closed her eyes and prepared for the worst. “Hondo still produces healthy sperm,” whispered Cookie into Elaina’s ear. “Why don’t you sleep with him so you can have his bastard and pretend it’s your husband’s?” Elaina winced as her brow wrinkled with guilt and fear. The pretense had been over for a while but it was now officially over. “Oh, I... couldn’t do that,” said Elaina. “I’m a married mare.” Cookie let Elaina go and held her right forehoof to her chin in mock confusion. “Huh,” said Cookie. “Funny how you remember that when it’s my idea and not yours. Does my knowing about it bother you?” Elaina’s teeth chattered. “Yes,” she whispered. “Good,” said Cookie. “It should.” Cookie finally dropped her phony smile and let a ferocious sneer take over. “I can’t knock you up, hun... but I can definitely knock you out. And if you so much as think of making that request of yours again, that is exactly what I’m gonna do. I’ve got about twenty pounds on you, marefriend, and I am not afraid to use ‘em.” Cookie peeked behind Elaina and lit up her horn. Elaina saw a photo frame which Cookie had levitated and brought close to her face in order to examine it. The frame contained a photo of her with both of her boys and her husband. “And you won’t even have to explain to your husband how you came to lose your front teeth because I’ll find him and tell him myself.” Elaina reasoned that Cookie had taken the frame to commit her husband’s face and cutie mark to memory for future reference. Cookie shoved the picture frame into Elaina’s mouth. “Do you understand, slut?” “Yef,” mumbled Elaina through the frame. She didn’t dare remove it. “Good. Your son’s a good kid. He reminds me of my husband in that he’s easily distracted... but Sweetie Belle swears to me that Button’s heart’s in the right place and I trust her. Button’s welcome back at our house any time. Your presence on my property is much more limited. You can pick Button up to bring back home with you, period. My hospitality ends at my doorstep where you’re concerned. And if you enter my house under any circumstance – with or without my husband present – you’ll leave it by being carried out on a gurney. Do you understand, tramp?” “Yef.” “Good.” Cookie removed the frame from Elaina’s mouth and set it back inside the house. “Because I’ve gone through waaaay too much manure in my life to keep having to look over my shoulder at some skinny would-be homewrecker ex-girlfriend of Hondo’s. Both of my daughters are old enough to take care of themselves. If I were to go to jail for blackening your eyes – and I love your eye color, by the way.” “Thank you.” “Color contacts?” “No, they’re mine.” “You’re so lucky. My Rarity has a pegasus friend with the same color eyes. So pretty. As I was saying, if I went to jail, my daughters would be okay. Tartarus, they might even condone my actions... but I don’t want my Sweetie Belle to know why I felt it necessary to smack the taste out of your mouth... because if she knew, then Button would know... and neither of us would want that dear, sweet boy of yours to find out what his idiotic mother was going to do just so that she could give him a half-sister... would we?” Elaina shook her head quickly. By asking Hondo to give her a baby, she had jeopardized the stability of her home. “No,” she said. Elaina cleared her dry throat. “Look, Cookie, I-” “MRS. CRUMBLES,” growled Cookie, furrowing her brow. Elaina cowered at the frightening sound of Cookie’s angry voice. “Sorry,” whimpered Elaina. “Mrs. Crumbles... I want you to know that despite what I did, I really do respect both you and... Mr. Flanks. I just saw a possible solution to my problem and I didn’t think about the harm that it would do to everypony involved. I was only thinking of myself. It was wrong, I apologize, and I promise you that it will never happen again.” Cookie raised her left foreleg and landed a jab squarely on Elaina’s snout. Elaina emitted a short yelp and sat on the floor. She closed her eyes and held her throbbing nose. The blow was nowhere near as fierce as it could have been – it was about half as strong as getting hit in the face by an opening door – but it still hurt and it was jarring enough to cause a tiny trickle of blood to run down her left nostril. She sniffled back the blood and looked up at Cookie. “I just had to try that once,” said Cookie. “A promise doesn’t mean much coming from somepony I barely know. And you can show me how sorry you are by staying away from my husband and following the rules I’ve laid out for you.” The papercolt threw a copy of the Sunday edition of The Ponyville Express at Elaina’s walkway as he raced by on his scooter. Cookie levitated the newspaper, opened it, removed the coupon insert, set the rest of the newspaper down, and tucked the coupons away inside her blouse. “I’ll take these, thank-you-very-much,” said Cookie. Elaina’s jaw dropped. “M-My coupons!” she protested. “They’re mine now,” said Cookie smugly. “Consider them a peace offering. If or when we become in-laws, we’ll look back on this day and laugh. Until then, well, I guess I’ll be the only one laughing about it.” Cookie walked away chuckling. Elaina pouted as her eyes began to water. If she was to have any kind of fulfilling weekend, she would have to do the unthinkable and spend two bits to buy a whole new Sunday paper. “AHHHHHHHHH-HA-HAAAHHHHHH!!” wept Elaina, tears fountaining outward from both eyes. “DAAAAAAADDYYYYY!”