//------------------------------// // Pinkie Pie 4th Wall Break VarietyShow Special Part 6 // Story: Pinkie Pie's Fourth-Wall Breaking Variety Show // by Alex Warlorn //------------------------------// When the smoke finally cleared, the stage held a coughing unicorn Trixie, and Rainbow Dash... *still* a griffon. Rainbow pointed with a talon and giggled, rolling on the stage floor. "Ugh. Fine, be that way! Trixie does not care." The blue unicorn started to stalk off the stage, then paused. "Stay in that ordinary, common form if you prefer. Trixie was far cooler." "What?! What are you talking about? Nopony out-cools me. I'm the queen of cool!" Trixie giggled condescendingly into her hoof. "Please. An alicorn is at least twenty percent... no, one hundred percent cooler than any griffon could be." "Well, I could be an alicorn too, someday!" Rainbow Dash protested. "I'd be the most awesome alicorn ever. Yeah! I'll be the Princess of Awesome!" Without warning, there was a poof of multicolored smoke, and just like that she was back to being a pegasus. "Gotcha!" said Trixie, striking a smug pose. "You wanted to be an alicorn instead of a griffon, and an alicorn is a type of pony, thus fulfilling the cancelling clause of your wish." Rainbow Dash launched into the air, hovering like an angry wasp. "You... you tricked me! Grr... I'll show you!" She held up a shiny gold coin that she'd concealed in her mane. "I wish that... you're a griffon!" She pointed into the audience at random. "She's a griffon! Everybody's a griffon!" "Rainbow Dash, no!" cried Twilight, before the smoke clouds started popping rapid-fire all over the studio, turning everyone present into griffons. Except for Rainbow Dash herself, alone on the stage with a very embarrassed grin. "Ah, ha ha... oops." Snow Bound clacked his beak and lifted a wing. "You have got to be kidding me." Pandora-griffon did a little dance. "Bird kitty, yay!" "More like bird brain," said Anarchy-griffon. She pecked his head. "Ow!" Shining waved his talons in front of his face and flexed them. "Eh. This doesn't even make my personal top ten list." "Nice wingspan," said Spike the griffon cub... hatchling... he wasn't sure which. Rarity smirked and shaded her face with a wing, as if it was a fancy fan. "I bet you say that to all the griffonesses." "Oh dear!" said Fluttershy. "Twilight, is this going to last long? I'm afraid that my animal friends will be frightened of me!" Blink. "Oh no, how will we change back when none of us are unicorns now? ... Not now, dear. Yes, I know you like it..." Twilight stretched out, splaying her feline claws and spreading purple-feathered wings. "Everygriffon calm down, please. The amount of magic contained in a wishing coin, divided by all of the people in the studio means... it should last fifteen minutes, tops. Anyone want to go for a really quick flight?" - Coffee Swirl, now a gryphon himself, growled like an angry lion. "I hate you SO BUCKING MUCH RIGHT NOW!" He pointed an accusatory talon at Rainbow Dash. "What?!" Dash glared down at him. "I make you cool, and this is-" "Oh shut up! I don't give a flying feather about being cool! I'm a bucking pony, not a gryphon, not a mule, not a diamond dog. I! Am! A! PONY! And I don't appreciate you pushing your issues with your species off on me just because YOU couldn't get what YOU want, you selfish little brat!" - Dash flapped up into the air, ready to hurl herself at Coffee Swirl -- until she looked around. Nearly every pony, er, griffin in the room was glaring at her with severe annoyance. And more, many were licking their beaks. It sank into her mind that she was a single solitary pony, in the company of several dozen very large angry predators. Griffins who had never learned to control their 'eat ponies' instincts. Griffins that could fly. "Heh," she said, feeling in her mane for that one last coin. She'd intended to save it to 'poof' away the next villain she and her friends faced, but she suspected that if she didn't use it right now, there might not BE a 'later' for her. "Just hold on, everypony, it's gotta be in there somewhere..." "Let's shave that mane off of her and find the coin that way," Coffee Swirl said ominously. He flexed his talons, scratching little curls of wood from the floor. "Besides, I'm feeling kind of HUNGRY." Dash gulped. "Now just be patient," she pleaded. Dash kept searching. The assembled griffins watched coldly. Time passed. Slowly. After several minutes. the girffins began walking closer to her, their claws scraping against the ground. Coffee Swirl lead the pack, looking like he was seriously considering a dinner of fresh pegasus. "Wait! Hah!" Dash held the last coin up. "I found it." "Good!" Several of the griffins squawked. "Now use it!" "I don't know," Dash said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "What's it worth to you? HAY!" She yelled as Coffee Swirl pounced on her, holding his bared talons before her eyes. "What's your neck worth to you?" "Yeesh, okay!" Dash pouted. She pulled away from him and looked at the coin. 'There goes that easy win over Discord. Or me landing lead spot on the Wonderbolts. Or getting written into the next Daring Do novel...' "DASH!" Swirl shrieked, "Use it already!" "Willl ya shut up already?" Dash yelled at him. "I wish I was in Tartarus so I wouldn't have to put up with this manure!" Her eyes widened with horror as she realized what she just said. "OH, NO!" And with a puff of brimstone, Rainbow Dash was gone. A second later the first wish wore off and everygriffin became everypony again. "Awww!" Pinkie frowned. She looked at her back and its now-missing wings. "I didn't even get to fly!" Several ponies gathered around the spot Rainbow Dash vanished from. They stared at the ground with expressions that mingled disbelief and horror. "Dear," Rarity said to Twilight. "Did she, I mean, is Rainbow Dash really, you know..." She pointed at the ground. "Down there?" "I'm afraid so," Twilight said. She gulped. Behind her, Scootaloo began to cry and Fluttershy hugged her. "I guess we'll have to get ready and mount an expedition into Tartarus to get her out. It'll take months, we'll see the most soul-scarring and horrifying things possible, our lives and sanity will be tested to the very limit..." "Forget it!" Pinkie Pie pushed past her. "We just got THROUGH something like that, and I am NOT springing for more batteries for the cameras!" Before anypony could ask what she meant, Pinkie tore a hole open in the ground. Hideous wails and shrieks came from inside it. Pinkie dove in, and a moment later came out with a traumatized-looking Dash stuck in the most frou-frou dress imaginable. "Ta-da!" Pinkie set her down. "Now can we get on with the wrap-up for this story?" "The hay?" Twilight said, looking after her as everypony headed back for the stage. She looked down at Rainbow Dash. "Dash? Are you... okay?" "Bears," she moaned. "So many cute tubby little bears... Cutie marks on their bellies... And their SINGING..." Pinkie Pie kicked her. "One of those cute tubby bears is a FRIEND of mine!" - "Ahhhh." Cadence sighed. "Midnight I think was looking forward to fixing at least ONE of your problems." "Being a griffin wasn't a problem." Scootaloo said. "Now don't you start imitation Rainbow Dash about that." Twilight said. "And Cadence, do we really want a foal's magic surges trying to fix things?" "Well, she helped fix things when those weird ponies started appearing all at once." "She did?" "I think she helped power the vortex that sent them all home." "Can somepony do something for Rainbow Dash?" Scootaloo asked. "I'm still unhappy I didn't get to try out that griffin body." Fluttercruel said. Rarity whispered, "Now now Rainbow Dash, I know deep down you like wearing the pretty dresses." "No." Rainbow Dash squeaked in denial. Twilight sighed and teleported the dress off of Rainbow Dash that instantly burst into flames and left behind the smell of brimstone. "That is that." Twilight said. The CMC meanwhile, in a moment of competence, began setting up a short film of Wonderbolts to get RD back in the mood. "You know what's odd? I was officially the only CMC not to get changed in some way during all of this." Silver Spoon said, "I was almost looking forward to seeing what that griffin body was all about." "And I had a griffin party planned, but this broadcast had gone on a lot longer than I thought it would." Pinkie PIe admitted. "EEEK! Draconequi!" Somepony shouted. Anarchy and Pandora realized that the end of the griffin spell had reverted them to their true forms. "Looks like the party's over for us sis', be seein' ya ponies." Anarchy took his sister by the hand, and they vanished through a portal of chaos. "Happy to know Pony me is still the real me." AJ said, looking at the blank wolf who had reverted his own true form when he griffin spell had ended. "I'm happy to know that all this trouble Tartarus is done!" Twilight said, "And we got every villain back in Tartarus where they belonged." Several miles away from Ponyville, a hooded demonic-centaur laughed. "We still need to help Rainbow Dash before we can call it a day." AJ said back in the studio. "Whose a good baby? Whose a goud baibei?" Shining Armor said nuzzling Midnight. Kifuko began to cry. "No need to be jealous, here ya go." Shining put Midnight into the same portal playpen as Kifuko, and the baby unicorn and zebra Alicorn stared at each other innocent for a few seconds before they began to play patty cake with each other. "It's so . . . cute . . . I can't take my eyes off it . . ." Rainbow Dash said, pain of Tartarus slowly forgotten. "So cute." Rarity also said, unable to look away. "And I'm suddenly not cute?" Sweetie Belle asked. Cadence, Sweetie Belle, and Twilight Sparkle noticed they were the only ones not totally entranced by the absolute cuteness and adorableness of the two foals playing with each other. "So cute. Much watch filly," Pinkie Pie said in a zombie like tone. "They are newborns, and are such cuties." "Trixie thinks they are totally mesmerizing." "I could watch this fooooreeveer . . . " Fluttershy said almost drooling. "The truth is . . . it's totally cutesy wootsy." AJ said, not able to take her eyes off the purely innocent sight. "I feel . . . happy . .. and that's a big deal . . . for me." The wolf said though none heard it. Twilight looked at her foal sitter, and the little sister of one of her dear friends, who like her were somehow not entralled by the cute sight of the two newborn foals interacting with each other. "Well this is strange .. . Sweetie Belle, can you use black magic to break the enchantment?" "You want me to use black magic?" Sweetie Belle asked surprised. "You've already shown you can use the mind magic Chrysalis taught you to undo mind effects." "Twilight . . . you said you raised Midnight in the past for a year?" Cadence asked. "Yes, but I was never able to get her a playmate, all the Paradise Estate Pony's foals had grown up by then." "This isn't a spell Twilight, and it isn't mind control, they're just so cute they're turning everypony's brains to mush." "So why aren't you, me, and Sweetie being effected?" "I'm not sure, for me I think because Kifuko's soul she said came from me, so maybe that's why?" - "Being a cynic works too." Swirl was taking advantage of everypony else's distracted state to raid the snack table without consequences. "I say use it." The two unicorns and one Alicorn decided not to mention the cutesy-happy-lubby-jummy-cherry-cheery smile on his face. "That's an interesting theory Cadence," said Twilight, "but it doesn't explain why I'm not affected." "I wonder..." mused Cadence. Sweetie Belle jumped, pointing a hoof. "Twilight... Twilight, what is that thing?" Rainbow Dash, still mesmerized by the cute fillies, suddenly had a shadow melt off of her and crawl away, something with too many claws and fangs. Twilight backed up, feeling sick to her stomach just looking at it. "I think Rainbow Dash brought a stowaway back from Tartarus!" Cadence nodded grimly. "It's a shadow of despair. Muster up all of your hope and courage, Twilight. Sweetie Belle, we'll need your songs. It's our only chance!" In the playpen, Midnight and Kifuko giggled and hugged, all tired out from their playtime. They yawned adorably in unison and snuggled up to sleep. The shadow-thing promptly caught fire and burned, leaving nothing but a black smudge on the floor. Sweetie Belle blinked. "Did... we just get really lucky, or did they do that on purpose?" Rainbow Dash gasped sharply, wings flaring. "Whoa!" She darted back and forth, checking on the others who were still recovering from cuteness overload. "Is everypony alright? I'm really, really sorry about that wish! That was a totally lame stunt I pulled... please, don't be too mad?" - "Thank Celestia that thing was destroyed." Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. "Can you imagine if that shadow had been here long enough to become self aware? Who knows what kind of horrible thing it might have grown into?" Meanwhile in another universe... An elderly Namekian stared in confusion as his genie compatriot stared down at the tile floor of the look out. "Mr. Popo, what are you doing?" "All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle..." "And what was in that milk jug?" "SHUT UP, TALKING ASPARAGUS! PECKING ORDER!" The genie screamed before returning his attention to the ground.. "All these squares make a circle. All these squares make a circle..." Back at the studio. "Some things Ponykind was not meant to know." Twilight solemnly sighed. - Trixie got back up on stage. "And NOW," she said, sounding rather tired, "the show will finally..." The watch Pinkie wore began to chime. She lifted it and took a look. The face bore several inscriptions ranging from PARTY TIME to PLAY WITH CAKE TWINS TIME to the one it was on now, END OF FOURTH WALL BREAKING PARTY TIME. "Awww... It's time to end the party." "What, now?!? Not now! Trixie has been waiting and waiting to show everypony her magic!" The blue showmare stomped down to stare Pinkie in the face. Looking slightly crazed, she said, "The Great and Powerful Trixie is NOT going without putting her act on!" She looked ready to say more, but Pinkie set one hoof over her mouth. "Sorry, but the camera's out of batteries and we've run on pretty long, thanks to SOME Shadow having the witches try and bring Morning Star back to life," she glared outwards, her mane going straight, and a Shadow gulped, "and I think we all kinda need some rest." "I know I and my once-again-a-stallion husband do," Cadence said. "And so do our two daughters." Kifuko and Midnight snuggled closer and slept. Shining and Cadence picked them up in their magic, nuzzling them softly, before they turned and trotted off. "Goodbye, little sis," Shiny said. "I hope next time we meet that it's not in the middle of a monster invasion." "Same here," Twilight said. "Wait, wasn't it that same Shadow who came up with Morning Star's escape who came up with THAT idea too?" She frowned. "I'd like to have some words with him about that, terrorizing Ponyville that way! And almost killing Celestia! Anypony know how to find him?" Applejack just looked at the Wolf. 'Snow Bound' growled. "Not possible here, but in some other universe, who knows?" ~~~ And in another Pony-verse, the Shadows Who Make and Shadows Who Watch were busy repairing every damaged home in Ponyville under the furious gaze of Nightmare Eclipse. Their groans and wails filled the air. Chains extending from Nightmare Manacle bound them to their labors. "That's right!" Eclipse snorted. "Fix every single thing those monsters wrecked, you voyeurs! Next you'll repair the Tartarus Gates! And after that you're fixing the road to Canterlot!" "Umm, sorry to interrupt," Nightmare Whisper said, "but the Tartarus meanies didn't ruin that." "I know, but might as well get it done while we have the workers." Eclipse said with a shrug. ~~~ Pinkie, Twilight, Applejack, and the Flutters all shuddered while the others looked on in confusion. "Yeah, well, I gotta get some rest," Rainbow Dash said. "I got a full day of hauling some cumulonimbus clouds tomorrow with the Weather Patrol." She set Scootaloo on her back and flew off. "Me too," Applejack said. "Th' orchard needs work an' so does th' barn. Come on, little sis." She picked up a sleepy Apple Bloom and trotted back for Sweet Apple Acres. Little 'Bloom protested sleepily that she wasn't tired before she dropped off. Rarity and Fluttershy both left, tired from their multiple transformations. Little Sweetie went with her big sis, wondering how her Changelings would do. Trixie looked around at the vanishing herd and snorted. "Trixie hopes she can spend the night in Golden Oaks, Twilight," she said. "I doubt I can make it to Hoofington right now." "Sure, Trixie," Twilight said. Her horn glowed and she set a sleepy little dragon on her back. "Come on, Spike." They exited, stage right. "Coming, Pinkie Pie?" "In a second," she said. Pinkie waited until everypony was gone. Then she tugged a hole into the ground, wincing at the rotten eggs smell of sulfur and brimstone coming out. "Bye, little pudgy bear gals and guys!" She called into it. "It was nice seeing you! Er, don't be too mean, I mean nice, to Hydia!" She looked out at the Shadows. "And you too. Thanks!" She frowned. "Even that one Shadow. You know who you are!" Then she smiled. "It's always fun to see old friends again, so come back!" "Twilight, darling, before we go, just how did your brother get turned back into a stallion?" Rarity looked at Shining Armor where he played with his adopted daughters. "Huh? Oh!" Twilight shrugged. "Actually, that's one of Cadence's Changelings who came here to see how their queen was doing. I sent my brother off with some soap I brewed up a month ago with Zecora that's supposed to break transformation magic. The Changeling offered to keep an eye on things until he came back. Still has a few side effects though..." She looked around at a sound of familiar hoofbeats and smiled. "Hi, BBBFF!" Shining Armor approached, once again a stallion, his coat a deep purple. The Changeling took one look at the restored stallion, reverted to normal in a flash of green fire, snickered and flew off. He scowled at his little sis. "Twily, how long will this last?" "Only a month or so! Besides, I think it's a great shade of violet!" The wolf pup growled. AJ looked at the wolf as she carried the sleeping Applebloom back to the barn. "Change in reality again?" "Retcons, I HATE retcons." "Preaching to the chorus pal." - The Blank Wolf Pup walked quietly alongside Applejack for a while before he spoke again. "It has been an interesting experience, but I must go." AJ nodded. "Always another heavy load to haul. Say, is the 'pony you' going to be around again? Ah could hire him as one of our seasonal harvesters, if ya need some cover." She chuckled. "Of course, Ah'd actually have ta give you the job, and you'd actually have to do it, so Ah wouldn't have to lie about it." The Wolf growled thoughtfully. "I should not entangle myself further. It would be for the best if you simply told your friends that Snow Bound left town." "If that's the way you want it, sugarcube." The Wolf blinked. "It is... my choice. How odd. So few things are. I shall think it over." Knowing that Applebloom would wake soon, he slipped into a shadow and vanished without a trace. - Coffee Swirl downed a long gulp of punch before setting the cup back on the table. "I'm keeping the sword, makes me feel like I'm important." He didn't wait for somepony to tell him otherwise and just left. Back to the cafe for him. - With the studio empty at last, Pinkie gave a big smile to the camera. "Thanks, everypony, for making the latest variety show such a big blast! Of course, when I say everypony, I mean that in the generic sense! I wouldn't want to leave out everygriffon and everydragon and everyhuman and equus and wolf..." Gasp! "And anybody else I forgot!" Pinkie strolled over to the studio door. "And now, we have just enough time to read some letters from the viewers before the janitors get to work!" She grabbed the door and heaved it open, a split second before Derpy dove through it, doing a loop and a corkscrew before landing neatly on all four hooves, with only a few loose letters fluttering around. The mailmare waved at the camera. "Hi, muffin! Hi!!" She hoofed over a packet of letters, then zoomed out the door again. "Let's see now," said Pinkie. "Are You Quite Finished Breaking the Space Time Continuum? I Just Had That Resurfaced... Oops, heehee..." She pulled out another envelope. "Why wasn't I in this episode? Signed, Gilda." Pinkie blinked. "But, we haven't even broadcast..." She shrugged and plunged on ahead. "One more... what's this? Bill for special camera services?" She took the letter and shook out several feet of accordion-folded pages. "Use of long range camera drones? Giant monster hazard insurance? Fee and permit for draconequus multi-camera operations?! Gosh, that's a lot of bits..." Her eyes got bigger. "Filming ponies' dreams, including permits from Princess Luna? Recording other dimensions? CGI rendering of creatures not visible to mortal eyes?" Even more pages unfolded. "Filming in Tartarus..." Her jaw literally hit the floor. "Well, that's all the time we have today! Keep sending in that fan mail and Pinkie Pie's Variety Show may return... I'll just need to have a little talk with Finance first. Bye bye!" The camera cut to black.