//------------------------------// // The Wizard of What? Pt. 2 // Story: Discord's Diary // by 007Delta //------------------------------// Yellow Cornstalks sprouted alongside the equally yellow road, stretching for as far as Braeburn could see. “This thing is much longer than the book made it seem…” he thought. The sheriff had been walking for over two hours now, and yet he had seen no sign of the cornfields ending. The walk had so far been peaceful. It was almost as if a storybook version of princess Luna hadn’t declared herself his mortal enemy. As he pondered his situation, he came across the last thing he expected… a fork in the path. His eyes widened with surprise. “What? Cadence didn’t say anything about this!” he took a look down both paths, but couldn’t discern any difference between the two. “Say anything about what? I know you ain’t talking ‘bout me cause honey, I am magnificent,” came a voice from somewhere in the cornstalks. “What?” said Braeburn, looking around for the source of the voice. "Who said that?" “What nothin’ baby. Now what was that you was sayin’ about the road?” Braeburn simply couldn’t locate the owner of the voice… or why he was acting so sassy. “I’m sorry… but where are you?” There was a shuffling in some of the cornstalks to his right, before a pony made of straw sauntered seductively from amidst the maize. “I’m here and in your dreams, honey.” There from the cornstalks, was a scarecrow, dressed in a tattered leather vest and ripped bell bottoms. The straw atop his head was done in a fancy and elaborate weave, and he wore several baby corn cobs as earrings. Braeburn put his hoof to his face. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said with a sigh. The straw pony’s eyes widened with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and unabridged sass. “Oh no I ain’t, and you can walk your flat little booty to the left path and check yourself into the hospital, because jealousy is a disease hun, get well soon. No sir, I did not get my straw did all fancy to get lip from a stallion here lookin’ like he came straight off the set of Brokeback Mountain, but then again, ‘straight’ off the set might be stretchin’ it some, ya feel me?” The scarecrow pony was now straight in Braeburn’s face, his head cocked slightly to the right. The Scarecrow held his ground, before he suddenly reeled away, his eyes shocked and apologetic. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry about that, sometimes I just don’t know what comes over me… What was that you said about the split in the path?” Braeburn stood there, completely stopped in his tracks. He could practically feel his head struggling to grasp the violent… and sassy tirade that had been unleashed on him. It took him a second before he finally came to his senses. “Uh… I just need to get to the Wizard of Uz in the Emerald Stable… supposedly he can help me find my way home,” The scarecrow gave him an inquisitive look. “Where do ya live?” “I live in Apploosa,” “Where’s Apploosa?” “In Equestria,” The scarecrow continued to give Braeburn a questioning look. “Where’s Equestria?” “It’s…” Braeburn tried to find a way to phrase it that wouldn’t set off another explosion of sass from the scarecrow. “It’s far beyond anywhere in Uz… Ya see, that’s why I need to get to the wizard,” “Oh,” said the Scarecrow, still looking a little perplexed. “Excuse me, but if you don’t mind me asking… Why did you get so mad at me?” asked Braeburn, preparing himself for another string of angry words, but he was met with a sigh. “Ya see, I have a little bit of an issue controlling what I say. I uh… I have no chill,” Braeburn scrunched his nose. “No… chill?” “Yeah bruh, no chill, what the ears on your head don’t-” the scarecrow caught himself mid sentence… “Yeah, I have no chill. It can be a pretty big issue sometimes, but I can get by,” “What would you do if you had some chill?” said Braeburn, “Well,” Suddenly, the scarecrow jumped to his hooves and broke into song. Pro tip: sing to the tune of "If I only had a brain," (Prepare for a song corny enough to be ethanol,) (Ha!) I could hold a conversation, Laugh with some elation, Learn to shut my bill, Instead of ranting all bewild'rin’ threatening to kill his children if I only had some chill. I could ask someone a question, My temper not combustin' Light him like a grill, Braeburn hopped up next to him, joining in on the song. You could watch just what you're sayin' Stop your words from decimatin' If you only had some chill. The scarecrow trotted and pointed to himself dramatically. Oh I, could just say hi, Maybe talk with some normality, Speak my mind with rationality, Braeburn butted in Not insult my sexuality! Why I could speak with a demeanor, Not try to break your femur, And come in for the kill, But you know I ain't mad because You know that I'd be fabulous If I only had some chill! The scarecrow finished his song, before falling to the ground, looking up at the sky, he sat there for a second, before hopping to his feet, "Hey! I just had an idea! You think that Wizard could get me some chill?" "Well, I guess we could go see," "Well if I go off walkin' all that way he better get me some chill, I'm gonna need it to stop what ever it is I say to him," Braeburn pursed his lips. "Right... We should probably get going.” Braeburn started to walk, before realizing he still had no idea which path he was supposed to take. The Scarecrow noticing his confusion jumped to the rescue. “It don’t matter which path you take, they meet up again down the road.” “Right,” said Braeburn. “We’re off then.” The two set off on the right path, the Scarecrow's hooves tapping slightly against the bricks of the road. Braeburn couldn’t help but glance over. Discord was sure flexing some artistic license with his interpretation of the story. And well, he would be lying if he said he was even slightly surprised. Though another thing was eating at the back of his mind… He had yet to meet the Tin Horse and the Cowardly Lion, and he was sure that Discord will have warped their personalities quite liberally as well. There was also the Wizard himself… which was most certainly Discord. That was a given. There is simply no way that he would pass up that opportunity. The two walked on in relative peace, letting the yellow road wind through the cornfields, which progressively evolved into a plain. A large forest began approaching as the two trotted onwards. "Wow," said the Scarecrow. "I heard the forest was big, but sheesh," Braeburn appreciated the sheer size of the forest. It looked to span 100 miles to the north... and twice that distance south. "Wait, you heard the forest was big? have you ever been down this way?" The Scarecrow half looked over at Braeburn. "Maybe," he said, his tone slightly defensive. "Maybe I haven't, does it matter?" "No, no, I guess it don't," The Scarecrow bit his lip and looked around oddly. "If it does, just say something," he looked off to the right, "Let me know if it does, cause I'd wanna know. If it's a issue just say it," "It ain't an issue," "Okay," he said, throwing his hooves up slightly. There was a small silence as they approached the treeline. "So how did you get here in Uz?" "It's a long story," The Scarecrow looked around. "We ain't exactly pressed for time," Braeburn let out a small sigh. "Well, I said I wanted some adventure in my life, so someone decided it would be funny to send me here," "Well did you get want you wanted?" "Not exactly, I thought he was just going to liven up the town a little, not throw me into a storybook," "Hey, at least he tried," "I don't think you get it, there is a difference between spicing up your life and... this," "Hey, I can accept that maybe Uz ain't like your souped up Equestica-" "Equestria," "Whatever, but at least he did something!" "So I suppose you're saying that sending me an entire universe away from my home is a nice gesture?" "Oh quit your whining! Whoever he is, he sure put a lot of effort into it to send you here," the Scarecrow said. "At least you got someone who tries to make you happy, ain't nobody ever did nothing for me out in the fields," Braeburn went silent for a few moments. "Hey I'm sorry, but still, he isn't exactly someone I trust," "I don't have chill, but I know I have some appreciation. Maybe that's just what you need," Braeburn didn't respond. "Oh I get it, you're all upset now so you think you can give me the silent treatment. Well that's just- oomph!" The scarecrow fell backwards rubbing his head in pain. He had walked straight into the woody embrace of the treeline. "Well thanks for the warning there, Brae," he said in irritation, only to find the stallion in question staring in horror. The Scarecrow followed his gaze, before he too found his eyes fixated on the forest. In the trunk of every tree, was a horrifying face that stared listlessly out in front of it. The gnarled mouths seemed to whisper and mutter, but neither of them could make anything of it. "We have to walk through this?" Braeburn said incredulously. "I don't remember these in the book," "Now that I think about it, I don't recall a lot of people coming back from this way," said the Scarecrow, a meek grimace on his face. Braeburn pursed his lips, staring at the trees. He was pretty sure that Discord wouldn't hurt him while he was here... But then again, this is Discord. Could he really trust him? Suddenly, one of the faces turned to Braeburn and spoke. "I got you a dollar," one of the branches began dangling a leaf in front of him. Braeburn looked ahead at the Scarecrow, uncertain of what he should do. "Did that other path go through the forest too? Because I'm kinda thinking about backtracking..." "This thing is pretty big... I would assume so. I mean hey, if ponies were able to pave a yellow decorative road through here, it can't be that dangerous, can it?" Braeburn cast his eyes to the road, which wound into the demonic looking trees. "You have a point there... I guess," They looked at each other, silently trying to figure out whether or not it was worth the risk... "Well," said The Scarecrow, taking a step into the treeline. "Nothing from nothing leaves nothing. We ain't gettin' no closer to the wizard just sitting here," Braeburn paused, before taking a step after him. He felt a small shiver snake up his spine, before paranoia began to rot at the back of his conscious. All he had to do is make it out of the forest alive... and then he could go home. The gnarled tree watched Braeburn as he trotted. "Oh! You gotta be quicker than that!"