The tension was unbearable.
Painful, even.
This was the hardest thing that Pinkie had ever had to do, and she could hardly believe she was able to withstand it.
“Alright, my dear, you need to focus-”
“I am focusing!” came the sharp reply.
Discord looked at his filly, half amused, half annoyed. “Alright, what are you focusing on?”
“The cloud, of course, Daddy! I’m focusing on the cloud!” Pinkie Pie looked at the filly sympathetically. This had been going on for over about half an hour now, much longer than any sort of spell should take, and Pinkie almost didn’t care about the actual cloud anymore.
Okay, no. That was a lie. She cared about the cloud.
She cared about the cloud a lot.
For pony’s sake, it was a cotton candy cloud that rained chocolate milk.
But she cared about the filly even more.
“Screwy, it’s okay! I’ll bet making a cotton candy cloud is super difficult! You don’t have to-”
“She can do it,” Discord cut her off, looking at his daughter, leaning down to her height. “Screwball, stop for a second.”
The filly stopped, her eyes, which had been glowing brightly, dimmed, her brow furrowing. “I can do it, I can!”
“I’m sure you can, but you aren’t focusing right.”
Screwball looked at her father, confused. “But I am focusing! That’s all I’m doing, I’m focusing all my energy on the cloud! I’m just trying to get everything right!”
“And that’s your problem.”
Screwball blinked, “Really?”
“Really. Tell me, when you created that bounce house for Gummy, what were you thinking of?”
“I was thinkin’ I wanted to make you a really great bed!”
Discord nodded. “Now, did you think of every last detail? Did you imagine the slides, the ball pit, down to the last miniscule element of it?”
She shook her head. “Well, no. I was just thinking of making you somewhere really fun to sleep!”
“And when you created that ghost to chase, what were you thinking about? Did you think about the specifics- what species it should be, what gender, what age...?”
“No, I just thought about making some sorta ghost to chase, I didn’t really care what kind.”
He motioned his hand, as if to say, “Go on...”
The filly’s eyes lit up- literally. “And it worked! I was able to make both those things!” then she drew back, her eyes dimming again. “So why can’t I make a stupid cloud?”
Discord grumbled, a bit ticked. He didn’t want to just show his daughter, chaos magic worked best when one simply figured it out for themselves. That was why he hadn’t given her too much solid advice, and had just been telling her to focus.
But Screwball was trying too hard at this point, and was growing visibly upset, something Discord didn’t really like to see.
“Don’t focus on the cloud. Focus on something else- something like the cloud, something similar, but not the cloud itself.”
Screwy looked at her father, then nodded. “Okay... Alright.” She moved her hooves into something akin to a defensive stance, and grit her teeth. A non existent breeze caused her mane to billow out behind her, and her eyes glowed and twirled. She grunted softly, then watched in delight as a small pink cloud materialized.
When she looked at it more closely, though, her grin drooped. “Oh...”
Pinkie Pie looked at her, confused. “Screwy, what’s wrong? That was amazing! It looks really, really good!” the looked at the cloud, her mouth watering, pulling out a giant swizzle straw and plunging it in the treat.
“The color’s not right...” she muttered.
And that was true. Instead of the pale pink of her father’s clouds, this confection was hot pink, more bright and bold.
Discord shrugged. “There’s no particular color a cloud needs to be, and, quite frankly, I would have been disappointed if yours looked exactly like mine. There’s no fun in just making a carbon copy of mi-”
“Strawberry milk!” Pinkie interrupted, beaming. She took another long sip, then continued. “Screwy, you made one with strawberry milk!”
Screwball looked at the cloud with interest and perked up. “I did?”
“Mmm-hmmph!” Pinkie beamed, guzzling down the pink liquid. The little monster looked as the milk rushed down the straw and into Pinkie’s mouth. It was nearly the same shade as her coat.
Discord snickered, realizing what his daughter had decided to focus on. “You based it off of Pinkie’s mane, didn’t you?”
“Uh-huh!” she laughed. “It’s just like cotton candy, so I thought it might help! I wanted to use Mommy’s coat color for the actual cloud, but I guess it didn’t work.” she shrugged. “I kinda like that it didn’t work, actually!”
“Of course you do, it’s more fun that way,” Discord nodded approvingly.
Screwball looked at her dad in interest. “What d’you base your clouds on?”
“Bubblegum,” he grinned. “It gets the color I want, and the sweetness- and besides, it makes it more sticky, and more challenging to get out of fur and feathers!” he smirked, remembering how the weather team had attempted to clear his creations from the sky the last time he was free, only for their feathers to clump and stick together when they tried to bust them, making it so that they could barely fly.
Screwball smiled deviously. “Oh, that’s good... we should make one that rains down melted caramel! That’s just as hard to get out, right? But worse ‘cause it’s all melty and warm and goopy-”
The filly was cut off from a knock on the doorframe. Screwball looked over to the door, beaming when she saw who it was.
“What’re y’all doin’?” Applebloom asked, smiling. Behind her were Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle- the latter looked quite nervous. Although she now had permission to see Screwball, after Pinkie had had a long talk with Rarity, the fashionista still very obviously disapproved. This scorn from her sister seemed to be taking a bit of a toll on the filly, but she smiled softly anyway and waved as the farm pony continued. “Mrs. Cake just said that y’were up here doin’ some magic stuff an’ that we should be real careful lookin’ fer ya!”
“I’m practicing chaos magic with Daddy! See?” she smiled, pointing her hoof up to the cloud, only to find that it was half the size it had been. She looked at Pinkie, who looked back, shrugging.
“What? It was good!”
The filly giggled, and looked back at the Crusaders, who looked impressed.
“You made that?” Scootaloo asked, eyes wide.
“She most certainly did,” Discord smiled, ruffling his daughter’s curls. “A natural, if I say so myself.”
“Well of course I am! I’m made of the stuff! ...Took longer than I wanted it to, though...”
“Not to worry, my little hellspawn, mine were even worse the first time.”
“Really?” Sweetie squeaked, talking for the first time, curiosity overshadowing her apprehension. “But you’re the master of chaos!”
He took a little bow, “Well thank you, my dear. But my first clouds were horrendous! I got everything but candy. The worst was when I got glass wool. It looked so much like candy, it was even pink.”
“So lemme guess. Ya ate it, then realized there was glass in it?” Applebloom looked at him, unamused. “Y’know th’texture’s different, right? I mean, that stuff’s used t’insulate walls, it ain’t gonna feel th’same as candy. It’s gotta be thicker, t’trap the heat an’ th’cold in!” her big amber eyes blinked when she realized something. “And besides, that wasn’t even invented back then! Glass wool wasn’t even made ‘till less’n a hundred years ago! How in Equestria did y’eat some?”
The god looked at her with a mixture of amusement and confusion. “... How do you know so much about the history of glass wool?”
“Ah used it when I was patchin’ up our clubhouse! It was real fun t’do, an’ there were a lotta things I didn’t know about repairin’ stuff, so I went an’ looked it up. I learned about how diff’rent tools were invented an’ why, how t’work with mechanics, and lotsa other stuff! It was actually pretty interestin’!”
He raised an eyebrow. “You fixed a whole clubhouse by yourself? Without magic?”
“Well, sure,” she shrugged. “Wasn’t like it was hard. Just had t’ fix th’shutters, patch up th’roof, tighten some loose bolts, fix some broken floorboards, do a bit’ve redecoratin’, weatherproof it an’ seal it up. Oh, an’ a new paintjob, ‘f course!”
He frowned. “If you’re so good at that, and you even know you’re good at that, then wh-” he was cut off by Pinkie, who shook her head rapidly and cut him off. She motioned him down to her level, turned them both around so they couldn’t be heard by the girls and hissed, “You can’t say that to her! She has to figure it out for herself!”
“But it’s completely and utterly obvious! She should have gotten her mark when she fixed the treehouse! She even knows she’s good at it, isn’t that all you need?”
She nodded. “It is. And, yeah, we all know that’s what she’ll be. Everybody knows it for all three of them!”
“Don’t you mean everypony, my dear?”
She shrugged. “Both, actually!”
Discord nodded in understanding. “Ah, yes, of course.”
“So no more pointing out obvious inconsistencies and potentially changing the whole dynamic of life here in Ponyville?” she asked him, looking at him seriously.
Discord scowled. “I’m not promising anything.”
“Aw, please, Dissy? We can cause little time paradoxes Tuesday instead!” Pinkie looked at him hopefully.
“... Fine. But they’d better be entertaining paradoxes.”
Screwball climbed on her father’s back at that moment, looking down at the pair in curiousity. “What’re you two talking about?” the three other fillies were behind her, looking at the pair, just as curious.
“Playing with paradoxes!” Pinkie said cheerfully, as if it was the most normal conversation topic in the world.
“Oh, that sounds fun!” Screwball grinned.
“Have we tried doing that for our cutie marks yet?” Scootaloo asked, thinking deeply. “That might be fun...”
“But if our cutie marks are created by using a paradox, then we won’t really get our cutie marks, will we?” Sweetie asked. “I mean, what kind of rules are we using here? Alternate universes, or two of us in the same universe at the same time? Would there be one of us walking around with our cutie marks, and one of us without? What would happen if we touched each other, would we-”
“What in Equestria are ya yammerin’ on about?”
“Yeah, how do you know so much about paradoxes, Sweetie?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh... well... I kind of read a lot of science fiction...” she blushed as the others looked at her in surprise. “What? I like the robots!”
Scootaloo shrugged. “Yeah, I guess they’re pretty cool.”
“Soooo,” Pinkie smiled, “Why’d you girls come over? Any reason? Or did you just come over to come over? ‘Cause that can be super fun, too!”
“Well, we were gonna try our hoof at snake milkin’, and we were wond’rin’ if Screwball wanted to join us?”
Screwball shook her head. “Can’t! I gotta practice my magic today,” she motioned to the cloud. “I wanna get better at it, that took waaay too long.”
Sweetie Belle blinked, then beamed. “Oh, maybe we can help! I don’t think we’ve ever tried for chaos cutie marks before!”
Pinkie giggled. “I think you’d already have gotten your marks if that was your talent! You’re so good at spreading it, after all!”
The girls blushed and looked down at their hooves sheepishly, but the mare put a hoof around them, grinning. “Hey, that’s not bad! Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!”
Discord’s lips twitched into a small smile as Pinkie quoted him.
“It’s just gotta be in portions, and you know how to do that really well!” she beamed.
“But we could potentially get our cutie marks in chaos?” Applebloom prompted.
Pinkie shrugged. “Dunno!”
Applebloom grinned. “So, girls, what d’ya think about a change in plans?”
Sweetie Belle shrugged. “I don’t know how to milk a snake anyway. Would the milk even taste good?”
The draconequus rolled his eyes. “It’s not milk, it’s venom.”
“What!?” Applebloom and Sweetie Belle looked horrified, and glared at Scootaloo.
“What, you guys didn’t know?” Scootaloo laughed. “You really though snakes made milk?”
“Uh, yeah! Th’name kinda implies it!”
The orange filly scoffed. “Look, we’re not doing it anyway, so why’s it matter?”
Applebloom still looked annoyed. “Yer not allowed t’come up with ideas anymore, unless you make sure they don’t involve venom.”
“Says the pony who wanted to be potion testers...”
“That would worked just fine, I knew what I was puttin’ in that brew!”
“Guys, stoppit! I just had the most stupendous idea!”
Scootaloo cocked an eyebrow. “Stupendous, huh?”
“What?” Sweetie Belle looked indignant. “I have a good vocabulary!” then she walked over to Discord and looked up at him. “I have a question.”
“I thought you had an idea,” he said, batting the half eaten candy cloud lazily with his paw before taking a bite.
“I can have both!” she squeaked indignantly. “What I wanted to know was do draconecusususus or whatever get cutie marks?”
“Draconequui!” Pinkie corrected.
“So much for your good vocabulary,” Scootaloo snorted.
Sweetie glared at her orange friend, then looked back at Discord. “So?”
Discord stopped chewing his cloud for a second, thinking. “Hmmm... I’m not sure, actually. It’s possible, since I am part pony...” then he shook his head. “No, I would have already gotten it by now.”
“For what?” Sweetie asked.
“Chaos, of course!”
Scootaloo frowned. “Yeah, but what kind of chaos?”
Discord blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Well, most ponies get their marks for something pretty specific!” Sweetie chirped. “Rarity knew she wanted to be a fashion designer, but she didn’t get her mark until she made her dresses all sparkly! Her special talent isn’t just making dresses, it’s making a specific kinda dress, something really unique to her!”
“Oh, and I didn’t get my mark just by making a super duper awesometacular party, I got my mark when my family enjoyed it! The parties might be what I do, but it’s not actually my talent! My talent is making ponies smile with my parties!” Pinkie beamed, as if to prove her point.
“So you might not actually know your talent!” Scootaloo grinned.
“Oh mah gosh, Ah got the best idea,” Applebloom beamed, looking at Screwball. “Yer dad should look for his cutie mark with us!”
Screwball grinned and nodded in agreement, but Discord just looked at the filly in shock. “What?”
“Yeah!” Sweetie nodded. “It’s perfect!”
“Applejack said we should have some adult supervision anyway!” Applebloom smiled.
“I am absolutely certain I’m not who she had in mind-”
“Nah, we know that,” Scootaloo waved a hoof. “But you’re still an adult, so she can’t get mad.”
“Yeah! Technically we’re doing what she asked!” Applebloom grinned, and Discord was surprised to see a devious glint in the filly’s eyes.
“Hmmmm...” he stroked his beard, considering. Joining the Crusaders would give him a front row seat to some chaos, not only to watch, but to even participate in a way that likely wouldn’t anger the Ponyvillians too much. After all, if they had gotten used to the Cutie Mark Crusaders by now, even with Screwball’s inclusion, they surely wouldn’t mind the group getting an addition?
“Alright, I accept!” he smiled, clapping his hands together and rubbing them. “When do we start with the Crusades?” he poofed up a white tunic with a large red cross, and a helmet. He had wanted a sword and chainmail along with it, but he didn’t want to waste too much energy, and that was better than nothing.
“Well, you need to be initiated first, Daddy!” she grabbed a cape from a drawer that seemed to be made out of some sort of suspended liquid, wrung the cloth and buzzed up onto her father’s head.
“Yeah, follow us!” Sweetie said excitedly, and the draconequus followed the three fillies as they scampered out the door. Giggling at the sheer adorableness of the entire scenario, Pinkie followed close behind.
They made their way to Sweet Apple Acres, jabbering on excitedly about what sort of new marks they could try for with chaos magic to spare. They got to the edge of the orchard when Applebloom suddenly stopped, whipped around and faced Pinkie. “Ah’m awful sorry, Pinkie, but yer not allowed any further. Only Crusaders are allowed t’know about our headquarters.”
“You mean the clubhouse in the secluded part of the orchards?” Pinkie asked innocently.
Applebloom’s eyes widened. “How in tarnation d’you know about that?”
Screwball smiled. “I told her!”
“But Screwy, our secret headquarters is supposed t’be secret!”
“But... but Sweetie Belle’s parents know where it is, why couldn’t I tell Mommy and Daddy?”
“What?” the Earth pony turned to face her friend. “Why do yer folks know where th’clubhouse is?!”
“Well... Rarity mighta told them so they can find me if there’s an emergency...”
“And why’d ya tell Rarity?”
“Well, Applejack knows where it is! Why shouldn’t my sister know, too?”
“Applejack knows ‘cause it’s on our property! I don’t want just anypony comin’ in here!” she stomped a hoof.
Scootaloo blushed. “So I’m guessing I wasn’t supposed to have my Rainbow Dash fanclub in the treehouse?”
“Yer what now? No! No, Ah- what? Why did ya start a...” she sighed. “Just no!”
“...’Cause I kinda did, and half the town’s foals kinda showed up...”
“Oh, just tell th’whole town, then!”
“I think everypony already knows, anyway.”
“Yeah, I thought you just wanted to sound cool, by calling it secret! I didn’t know it was really a secret!”
In the meantime, father and daughter had sat back, watching in amusement as the three fillies bickered.
“You know, Screwball?” Discord looked at his daughter, handing her some popcorn. “I approve of your friends, you made a good choice.”
“Yeah, they’re fun, aren’t they?” she laughed back.
“And besides, you let Spike come in here,” Scootaloo continued, pointing a hoof at Applebloom.
The filly turned red. “Spike’s a diff’rent case, he’s...” she scrunched up her face. “Ah can- Ah can let whoever Ah want in here, it’s my treehouse!”
“Uh, girls?” Sweetie piped out. “We still need to do initiation!”
Scootaloo nodded. “Oh, yeah! C’mon!”
The yellow filly huffed, but nodded. “Pinkie, since y’already know, I guess you can come with.”
“Sounds great!” the mare beamed, following the group to the treehouse.
It was a bit of a tight fit, with four fillies, a full grown mare and a draconequus all crammed in the little fortress, but they all made it in, and the initiation began.
Discord sat in the middle of the clubhouse, looking at the fillies interestedly as they dimmed the lights and took out a long scroll. Scootaloo started to beat on the drums, and Screwball grabbed a cape in her mouth from a supply- after both Babs and Screwy had joined the group, the fillies had decided to have extra capes made, just in case.
Sweetie Belle took the podium, cleared her throat, and began. “We, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, elect Discord to join us as a sister, friend, confidante, ally, bossom buddy, gal pal, compadre, chum of chums, home-gi-” the filly scrunched her brow and stopped for a second. “Wait... We should probably change the words a bit...”
Scootaloo groaned. “Aw, another rewrite?”
Discord shrugged and waved a paw. “Oh, pish posh, I could care less.”
“Really?”
“I am ten thousand years old and the literal manifestation of chaos, I really don’t care about gendered pronouns all that much.”
Scootaloo blinked, then shrugged. “Well, okay. Less work for me!” she grinned and kept beating the drums as the unicorn kept reading.
“Amiga, cohort, accomplice, ami- Scootaloo, there are at least thirty more words here! I thought you said you revised this!”
“I did! It’s half the size it used to be!”
Sweetie rolled her eyes. “Okay, skipping to the end- ...and fellow Cutie Mark Crusader! You are solemnly sworn in, here this day, in witness of your fellow sisters, friends-”
“Oh, for pony’s sake!” Scootaloo groaned. “Screwy, just give your dad the cape.”
The filly gave him the cape excitedly, and he tied it around his neck- it was absurdly short, but his neck was thin enough that it didn’t choke him, or even look all that strange.
In fact, if he did say so himself, he looked quite dashing.
“Congrats, yer in!” Applebloom beamed, turning the lights back on. “How d’ya feel, bein’ a Crusader?
Discord thought for a moment. “... I feel like I joined a cult, and I have quite a bit of experience with those. I even run a few myself!”
“A cult?” Sweetie squeaked. “Rarity says those are really bad.”
“We’re not a cult... and how does your sister even know about cults, anyway?” Scootaloo asked.
“All she said is that college is a really hard time for everypony and that anypony ever tells you to join a super fun club that wears capes and has weird sacred vows, you shouldn’t do it.”
Screwball blinked, looking around, then grinned. “Woo-hoo! I’m in a cult!”
Pinkie sighed. “Now I wanna be in a cult...”
“We ain’t a cult!”
“Well, I can take you to one of the ones I attend, my dear, but they really aren’t that interesting. I only go for the buffets.”
“Hey, dad?” Screwball tugged on her father’s tail.
“Yes, my little aberration?”
She giggled. “I think we should get to crusading now, before the day ends.”
“Yes, of course!” he clapped his hands together, then looked at Pinkie. “Pinkie, my dear, this is official Crusader business, if you don’t mind?”
The mare nodded, bubbly as ever. “Okie dokie loki! Tell me all about it, okay?”
The draconequus nodded, only half paying attention. “Yes, yes, of course.”
Pinkie laughed and started to walk out the door, trotting back home as the newly expanded Crusaders planned their next adventure.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
As promised, she heard all about it that night, as she was snuggled up in the draconequus’s coils. (After three or four days, Discord stopped attempting to move her and sort of went with it. It wasn’t as if he liked it, of course, it simply wasn’t worth the argument.)
“... and so long story short, Sweetie Belle was able to stop the fire, although it took quite a bit of time. Apparently unicorn magic plus chaos magic makes a rather large , technicolor fire.”
“And you didn’t help because...?”
“Well, she obviously needed the magical practice!”
Pinkie giggled. “I guess you’re right about that!” then she smiled. “So you liked hanging out with the girls, then?”
“Hmm? Well, I suppose it was a nice way to pass the time,” he shifted his arm, bringing his daughter a bit closer, as she seemed cold. Pinkie looked at the pair affectionately as he continued. “They spread chaos in their wake, and they barely even know it, it’s incredible!”
“Mmm-hmmm, just a fun time to pass the time, huh?”
“Yes, why?”
“You’re still wearing the cape, Dissy.”
He looked at his back, and then at Pinkie, a bit miffed. “It happens to be a very stylish cape.”
She laughed. “Well, I can’t argue with that!” she put on a mock- serious expression. “You look extremely handsome with your cape and plushie,” she grinned then, looking at Bananas.
Discord smiled as well, giving a yawn. “Don’t patronize me, Pinkie Pie,” he said, his tone completely jesting.
The mare smiled and snuggled in closer. “Wouldn’t dream of it. Just- just ask Luna!” she yawned as well. “G’night Dissy.”
“Good night, Pinkie.”