I love pronking through Quarry Junction.
Yes, pronking is a real word. Ask Gummy, he’ll tell you I’m right. I used to just walk everywhere, but that got boring. I mean, everypony walks the same way! I tried doing some fun and silly walks. If you ask me, that’s something the Empire really needs a ministry for. But nopony would give me any grant money for that no matter how many times I asked. Eventually I gave up on the silly walks; they made my hoofsies get all sore anyway.
Maybe I would’ve gotten used to it if I’d kept trying, but instead I decided to try skipping, and that turned into pronking. I used to just call the way I went around hopping or bouncing, but then some smarty pants told me the technical term for it was pronking. Which seemed really nitpicky, but pronking is such a fun word to say that I didn’t mind it all. Just try and say it without smiling. Go on, try it! I see a smiiile...
Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, pronking through Quarry Junction. It wasn’t the fanciest place, since it was a rock mining town. Everypony was too busy farming rocks to spend much time making it look nice. But really, you should’ve seen the place before I got to work on it. No laughing, no smiling, just lots and lots of rocks. That’s when Pinkie Pie came to the rescue, pronking around and brightening up everypony’s day. Wait, I mean everyone! I don’t wanna sound like one of those meanie-pants pony superiority types, ‘cause really, that’s just dumb. I mean, there was this really nice family of gryphons living on the next farm over; I’d even played with their kids back when we were growing up. Skipping stones over the pond, and games like Capture the Rock, Red Rock, Green Rock, Blind Stallion’s Rock, and Maud’s favorite: Igneous, Sedimentary, or Metamorphic? All the classics.
It wasn’t just gryphons, though. Lately we’d been getting some zebras, a couple minotaurs, and even one of those Free Minds. ‘This one has heard that there are many opportunities for employment to be found in Quarry Junction.’ One of the neat things about being in this huge empire is that you get to meet and make friends with all kinds of new creatures. I’d been so busy with welcome parties lately. Not that I was complaining, I love throwing parties. Even if reloading the Welcome Wagon two or three times a day was a little tiring, it was all worth it for the looks on everyone’s faces when I was the first one to welcome them to Quarry Junction.
Giving them all a good greeting became even more important when I found out why there were so many new rock farmers in town. Apparently somepony had come up with some kind of machine that let them do all the mining in Canterlot twice as fast while being a whole lot safer. The problem was, if the machines let them work twice as fast, they only needed half as many ponies to get the job done. So a whole lot of the new folks showing up in town were miners who had come to Quarry Junction looking for new jobs as rock farmers. Anypony who’s lost their job needs some cheering up, and that’s what my job is!
No, seriously, that’s my job. Pinkie Pie, Aedile of Quarry Junction, at your service. My parents were a little sad I was working for the government instead of pitching in on the family farm, but they were also really proud of me. I’d never expected to be a boring old bureaucrat, but the good news was that I didn’t have to do any of that boring paperwork stuff. My job was really just to go around making ponies happy, because happy rock farmers are better than sad ones. The mayor didn’t care how I did that as long as I stayed within my budget. Balloons and confetti were a lot cheaper than some of those silly propaganda posters they’d been using before they hired me, and they actually worked. Everyone loves a good party!
Especially Maud. Oh yeah, that’s right! Maud was coming to visit! She spent most of her time in Canterlot getting her rocktorate in rocktology, but she still came by every once in a while. We were her family, after all! I just hope nothing sad happened this time around. Not that Maud visiting was anything to get sad about, but y’know that mining machine I was talking about earlier? Well, since Maud is such a super-smart smarty pants about rocks, she was one of the ones who helped design it. I’m sure she didn’t mean to cost anypony their jobs, because she was only trying to help. I hope nopony got mad at her because they were unemployed.
I pronked on over to the train station to meet her. I got there early ‘cause meeting Maud at the station was super-important. Waiting around would’ve been boring, but there were a couple kids waiting at the station with their parents, so I kept busy by making funny faces and whipping up a couple balloon animals for them.
That all stopped once the train showed up. Nine fifteen, right on time. Ponies were always saying that at least Empress Sunbeam made the trains run on time. I dunno why they said that, though. She was probably way too busy empress-ing to worry about train schedules and stuff. Really, you’d think an empress would know how to delegate little stuff like that to conductors and railway managers. But ponies kept saying that, so I guess it must be true. I dunno how she finds the time to worry about that many trains, though; maybe she had some kinda spooky railroad-managing powers or something.
Anyway, Maud came off the train, and she was super-excited to see me! You could tell by the way her mouth almost twitched a little bit. I’d never seen her so wild and full of enthusiasm. “Hello, Pinkie. It’s nice to see you again.”
“Hi Maud!” I galloped over and glomped her. Speaking of fun words, glomp’s a great one. It just sounds so ... huggy.
Maud hugged me right back. “I missed you. How is everypony?”
“They're doing great! Happy happy happy, just like you!” I grinned and bounced around her for a bit to get a better look at her. She was wearing one of those amazing dresses of hers, this time a really nice shade of turquoise. It looked super-cool on her. “You're practically glowing today. Like a fluorescent mineral!”
Maud stared at me and blinked very slowly. Her face barely even twitched. Like I said, she was happier than I’d ever seen her before. “I’m not glowing, ponies do not glow. But if you meant that as some kind of metaphor, I would say I was glowing like scheelite or zippeite. I'm just really happy to be visiting. It’s been too long since we got to spend any time together. I’m looking forward to making our rock candy necklaces.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve already got twenty pounds of rock candy made! I hope that’ll be enough.” I’d wanted to make more, but aedile-ing is really busy stuff. Especially since I wanted to get everything taken care of so I could afford to have a few days off to spend with Maud. “I'm just glad you're here! I just hope you're studying hard, but also playing hard!” The second half of that was really important. Partying is serious business. If a pony doesn’t fulfill their party requirements, they can turn into a boring mean old frowny-face, and that’s just awful.
Maud aaalmost smiled just a tiny little bit. “I’ve been remembering to take a few breaks, Pinkie. Yesterday I went to visit a rock museum.”
Oooh, a rock museum? I bet Maud was like me in a candy shop! “Was there a gift shop? Tell me there was a gift shop!”
“There was a gift shop.” She reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a package, which she handed over to me. “I bought you some things.”
“Ooooo~” I love getting presents! Especially surprise presents like this. Oh no, I didn’t have a present for Maud! Well, I had a ‘welcome back home’ gift waiting at the house, and a ‘great to see you again’ present and a ‘so long and thanks for visiting’ one, but I didn’t have a ‘thanks for getting me something from the rock museum’ gift! This was terrible! Horrible! Disasterous!
Oh well. I could pick up something before she left town.
I opened up the package and took a look at what she’d gotten for me. It was a bunch of rocks. Not just any rocks though, it was all the best kinds of rocks. There was some schist and graywacke and wackestone and tonalite and taconite. “These rocks are amazing! They really speak to me, y'know? I’m definitely bringing the taconite to the next Taco Night!”
“Yes.” She reached into her dress and pulled out another rock. “I especially like this one. I think I'll name it Boulder.”
“That's a great name! Much better than what I had in mind.” I leaned over to get a better look at the rock. “Hi there, Boulder! I’m Pinkie Pie, and I’m Maud’s little sister and bestest best friend!”
Maud gave me a couple seconds to meet Boulder, then put him away again. “What name were you going to suggest?”
“Rocky.” Yeah, it was a little obvious, but ya gotta respect the classics.
“Oh.” Maud got quiet after that. She does that sometimes. She usually only talks to somepony if she’s got something worth saying. The two of us headed out from the train station and into town. Just two sisters out and about. We were passing by a couple nice food places when Maud spoke up again. “Do you want lunch?”
“Dunno! I'll ask.” I quickly consulted with my tummy, which got the rumblies. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“Okay then.” Maud looked around for a bit, then trotted over to the Rock Quarry Cafe. It was a nice little open-air place the two of us always ate at when she came to visit. Well, except for the times when we didn’t eat there. It was one of our things. The two of us headed for our usual table and took a seat. It was a nice day out, so eating outdoors was perfect. We could sit right next to the street, and I could wave at everyone passing by and let them know Maud was back. I’m sure they were all really happy about that, even if most of them just kept on walking. I mean, who wouldn’t be happy about my cool big sis being in town?
Maud just sat across from me and watched. Right after I came back to the table from tackle-hugging Greengrass the grocer to let him know about Maud, she asked me a question. “Are you enjoying being an aedile? It looks like you are.”
“Sure am!” I had to pause for a bit ‘cause Simple Shale was walking by, and it was his birthday, but I got back to Maud real quick. “I think I'm lucky to have a job where all the paperwork I have to do involves stamping a smiley face on things.”
“That sounds like you would like it.” Maud opened up her menu and started looking through it. “I know I like my rock research.”
“Whoooa, calm down Maud.” Maud always gets super-excited when she starts talking about her rock stuff. The only other thing that makes her get that worked up is seeing me, so when we get back together and talk about her rocks, she practically bounces off the walls. “We haven't even had a drink yet, silly.” You should see Maud when she’s had a couple ciders. She’s a total riot.
“Sorry. Sometimes I get very excited about my work.” Her hoofsies were twitching just the teeny-tiniest little bit, which only happens when she’s super-duper excited.
“Must be the student lifestyle of drinking coffee every day,” I declared, nodding sagely. “All that caffeine is getting you worked up.”
“That must be it,” she confessed. “I've been working very hard on getting my dissertation ready. Though at least my prototype rock crusher and rock tumbler designs seem to be doing well. Soon a lot more ponies will be able to have nice rocks and rock accessories. I’ve heard they worked so well in the Canterlot mines that the head of the Imperial Mining Commission wants to buy the designs for mass production.”
Oh. Right. Those. The reason why a lot of miners didn’t have their old job of crushing or polishing a bunch of rocks, gems, and other stuff. And it sounded like a whole lot more miners might be losing their jobs soon too. But I guess it was nice that there’d be more stuff for everyone. I mean, progress is good, right? Unless you’re a miner.
Ugh, I didn’t wanna focus on that kinda stuff. Maud was here! This was supposed to be a happy time, so let’s ditch all the doom and gloom and focus on the good times! “Must be nice to catch a break with your sis, right?”
“Yes, it is.” The waitress came by, and the two of us placed our orders. She got the watercress salad, while I went for a slice of cherry pie à la mode. Why do they call putting a scoop of ice cream on top of your pie ‘à la mode’ anyway? You’d think they’d call it something way more obvious, like ‘Hey guys, there’s a big scoop of super-delicious ice cream on top, making this already yummy pie even yummier!’ Though I guess that was a bit longer than just saying à la mode. ‘With ice cream’ didn’t seem like that much more work, though.
Maud looked up at me and almost smiled again. “I've been looking forward to this for weeks.”
“Me too!” The waitress brought over my pie, which I swallowed up in a single bite. Mom always said I should chew slower and take time enjoy my food, but it was just so tasty!“I was counting the days until you finally made it here. I tried everything to make the time go by quicker. Even feng shui with calendars.”
“Oh.” Maud chewed her salad slowly and thoughtfully. “I just waited.”
“I need to get better at that.” Mom and Dad were always telling me I needed to be more patient, like Maud was. It’s not that I don’t try, it’s just that there’s so much stuff I wanna do and not enough time to do it all! So when there’s something I wanna do, or somepony I wanna see, I wanna do it now, not later. Later was, like, forever away from now.
I guess Maud must’ve been thinking about our parents too, ‘cause she asked about them next. “How is the rock farm doing?”
“It's going on like a train that just can't stop!” I assured her. “You know how Mom and Dad are; I think they'll turn into rocks before they stop working! And Marble and Limestone are helping them out, but they've always been their own little unit.”
“I'm glad they're doing well.” She nibbled at her salad a bit more. I thought about asking her how it was, but I’d probably just get an answer like ‘It tastes like lettuce.’ Maud’s really literal about how she looks at the world.
“Me too. I think that farm will be around forever and ever. Which is good 'cause it's home.” I know Mom and Dad would agree. Dad was saying he was starting to get a bit old and worn out, but he still managed to do way more work on the farm than I could when I visited. He always liked to joke that my government job had made me soft and took away all my farm muscles. Dad’s a real kidder sometimes. It was probably true, though. Throwing parties and making everyone happy is still hard work, but it’s a different kinda hard work than farming rocks.
“Yes, so long as there are rocks, there will be rock farms.” Have I mentioned that Maud can be really deep sometimes? “But it's not just the farm, it's the ponies who work it. That’s what really makes it home.”
“Yeah, sure is.” I grinned and thought back. “Why, just the other day I was—WHOOOooooOOO!” My whole body got really weird and shaky all of a sudden, and I had no idea why.
Maud, being a smarty pants, figured it out first. “Pinkie Sense?”
“Must be.” I jumped and trembled again, shaking so hard I ended up knocking the table over. “This is weird though, it’s a doozy of a doozy, the dooziest one I’ve ever had. Whatever’s gonna happen, it’s gonna be big.”
Maud frowned and started looking around, trying to spot whatever might be giving me the doozy. I don’t think it worked that way, though. If you could just look around and spot the doozy, then it wouldn’t be much of a doozy now would it?
I was about to tell her that, when all of a sudden something smacked into my chest so hard it knocked me off my hooves. It really hurt, and for a little bit I was just lying there, trying to figure out what the hay had just happened. Then I heard Maud yelling. Maud never yells. “Pinkie!”
She was staring down at me, her eyes wide and her jaw hanging open. I’d never seen her react like that. She’s Maud. She barely even reacts when she’s super-duper excited. What could be going on that would make her act like that?
I tried to get up, but the instant I moved my whole chest got really hurty. I craned my neck down to get a look at it and found a big metal shaft with a couple feathers on the end sticking right out of my chest! That’s when it all clicked. Somepony had just shot me! With an arrow!
“Oh.” I chuckled weakly as the world started fading away. “Oh wow. That is one heck of a doozy.”
“A Level Five Curfew is now in effect. Civil Privileges are suspended for the duration of the emergency. All citizens are to remain indoors and fully cooperate with the Imperial agents investigating the terrorist attack at the Rock Quarry Cafe. If you must exit your home for any reason, contact the nearest member of your local imperial law enforcement for authorization. This is for your protection. A Level Five Curfew is now in effect. Civil Privileges...”
Having that message repeating on a loop was getting really annoying. I get why they had to keep playing it for a couple minutes every half hour so nopony could claim they hadn’t heard it, but it was still annoying as hay to listen to. Though probably not as annoying as it would be to have everypony in town standing around gawking at me while I was trying to work.
It would’ve been easier if the killing had been done quietly. Since Aedile Pie had been shot in public, there’d been medics all over her. It had been too late to save her life, but they’d managed to destroy plenty of evidence in the process of trying. Maybe that was what our killer had in mind? Probably not. I always preferred my kills to be quiet and discreet. Fun as it was to play around with fancy bladework, blackmailing someone into suicide was usually a lot safer. Murders tended to get everypony upset and stirred up. The Empress didn’t like that. The best assassins are the ones who make their kills not look like kills at all.
Obviously, whoever had put a crossbow bolt into the aedile didn’t agree with that line of thought. The attack was bold. Brazen, even. Risky, doing something that openly. Too many chances to get spotted in the process. Which inclined me to think the publicity of the kill was one of his objectives. He didn’t just want the aedile dead, he wanted everyone to see him pull off the murder. Why? Maybe some kind of grudge?
My cousin Strumming was talking with the local coppers. Maybe that would turn up something, but I doubted it. The Empress wouldn’t have sent us in if she thought the locals could handle things. I was too far away to hear what they were saying, but she’d just give me a summary anyway. Eventually she must’ve gotten everything she wanted from them, because she came trotting over to me. “Got a couple nice tidbits. You got anything, Lyra?”
I used one of my magic hands to hold up a crossbow bolt. “Forensic magi are still going over the bolt, but they gave me enough information to find a similar bolt in the armory and a list of common crossbow models that would fit it.”
“I’ll get that to the locals, have them check it against the weapon registry.” Not that either of us expected that to yield any results. Only an idiot would commit a high-profile murder with a weapon registered in their own name. Still, you needed to cover all the bases. That kind of dull, tedious busywork was the perfect thing to keep the local law busy while Strumming and I handled things for the Ministry.
I rolled the replica bolt around in my hands, getting a feel for its weight and balance. I was tempted to pick up a couple crossbows as well; get a feel for how the bolt sat in its weapon. Maybe later. “Might be able to get some idea of where the shot came from. I’m sure the forensic magi will run it down eventually, but if I can get answers now, so much the better. We don't have much else unless the locals got lucky and dug up a witness for it.”
“They got plenty of witnesses.” Strumming rolled her eyes and scoffed. “They haven’t gotten anything clear and consistent out of any of them. They’re holding onto more than a dozen ponies who swear they saw the killer, but the witnesses can’t even agree what species it was, let alone any kind of useful description.” My cousin shot a look over at the local coppers, who were still milling around the crime scene. “They did say that the angle of the bolt indicates that the shot probably came from one of the rooftops, assuming it wasn’t a flier. Our victim didn’t have any known enemies, though. From the way the locals talk about her, you’d think she was a saint. They’re currently running with the theory that the shooter was aiming for the victim's sister and missed.”
“Her sister?”
“Maud Pie,” Strumming filled in for me. “Lotta ponies in Quarry Junction are here looking for work because they were replaced by Maud’s inventions. If one of them saw her, they might decide to get a little payback. Not sure I buy that, though.”
I frowned, rolling the crossbow bolt from hand to hand. “It doesn’t fit the facts. This isn't the kind of target practice or hunting arrow one of the locals would happen to have lying around. It’s a military-grade bolt designed for military-grade crossbows. Not to mention the Empress wouldn’t be sending us here if it was something that simple.” I was one of her most valuable and trusted agents, after all. Sending me to investigate a simple, straightforward murder of a minor government official would be a waste. Something bigger had to be going on here. “If the killer was a professional, there would be no way he or she would miss such an obvious target. The two of them were sitting down at a table, and the attack took them completely by surprise. He would’ve had plenty of time to line up his shot.”
Strumming nodded and grunted. “Not to mention the shot was too perfectly on target for the aedile. I’d buy it being a lucky miss if it just nicked an artery or something, but a perfect chest shot? Either our shooter has insane luck, or he hit exactly what he was aiming for.” Strumming paused and dug out a couple files she’d gotten from the local law enforcement. “According to her sister’s statement, the visit was something they’d planned in advance, but the stop at the cafe was completely spontaneous. It would be hard to find a good sniping position with only a couple minutes to set up. An amateur almost certainly would’ve been spotted.”
“So it was either an incredibly lucky moron or a pro,” I concluded. I suppose that did clear one thing up. If we were after an assassin, it explained why I was here. I did have rather unique insight in the field, even if I preferred different methods. “The sniper must have been following them, or using somepony else as a spotter.”
“Seems likely.” Strumming spread her wings. “Good news is the locals haven’t checked any roofs yet. They’re big on their private property rights, so the coppers are going through the system to get warrants first.”
“Which gives us more than enough time to investigate ourselves.” I would hate having to work in a job that required me to respect civil privileges. Really, why do ponies even need some kind of right to privacy? If they’re up to something they don’t want the Ministry knowing about, then it’s probably something they shouldn’t be doing anyway.
“Being in the Ministry of Heart does come with some handy perks,” Strumming agreed with a grin. “So, you take the rooftops, and I’ll check the local clouds for any evidence. Quarry Junction’s way too short on flying detectives. You know how these small earth pony towns can be.” Strumming flicked a hoof and spread her wings. “You know what to look for on the roofs. Misplaced tiles, disturbed debris, anything that would suggest somepony sat there and did some sniping.”
“Right, right.” I might not be an investigator, but I knew basic stuff like that. This was why I usually liked working alone. With how many of my family members were in the Ministry, having a partner meant being stuck with somepony like my big cousin. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but I think Strumming still kinda saw me as her cute little cousin Lyra, not as an experienced field agent and imperial assassin. She wouldn’t be going over basic stuff with any other agent.
Strumming looked at me for a bit, then sighed and opened up her saddlebags, then pulled out a couple candy bars. Dark chocolate and almonds. “Want one?”
“Please.” I knew she was probably just bribing me to make up for riding my flank a bit, but dark chocolate and almond was my favorite. Her seemingly limitless supply of junk food had always been my favorite thing about having my older cousin come over to visit back when I was a filly. I had to wonder how she stayed so fit and trim despite scarfing down all those candy bars and bags of chips. If I had all that junk food, I’d probably start getting pudgy.
Strumming grinned and tossed me the candy bar, which I promptly opened up and tore into. I hadn’t really had anything to eat for a while, so some sugary chocolatey goodness sounded just about perfect. Strumming seemed to agree, since she was chowing down just as fast I was. Snacks are important for field agents. Gotta keep your energy up.
Climbing up onto a roof wouldn’t be too hard, especially with my magic hands—translucent golden constructs attached to forehooves, which were really useful for grasping things when hooves just couldn’t do the job. The hands were really just an advanced form of telekinesis, but attaching the spell to my hooves let me mix musclepower and magic. I’m not very strong magically, so I needed that extra help.
Once I’d polished off the chocolate, I got straight to work. I did appreciate the energy boost I got from the candy. The Empress hadn’t given me much advance notice on this mission—none, really. So she’d caught me at a bad time. One of the downsides to being involved in a casual thing with the Tribune of the Free Minds - feeding time always left me a bit wiped out. Not to the point where I couldn’t do my job, but enough that I wasn’t quite at a hundred percent.
Still, climbing up onto the roof of one of the nearby stores was foal’s play. The first thing I discovered about roofs in Quarry Junction—they’re very dusty. Probably from all the rock farming going on around here. Crushed up rock dust gets everywhere. On the one hoof, this was good news, since it would make it even easier to spot whatever hiding spot our sniper had used. On the other hoof...
“Ah-choo!”
Darn rock dust. Well, at least my investigation of the roof had turned up a tissue sample.
Once I was done scrunching up my muzzle and cleaning up the mess, I got to work. At least all the dust worked to my favor exactly like I’d hoped it would. I found an area where all the dust had been disturbed on top of a haberdashery that had a perfect view of the cafe. To the shooter’s credit, he’d tried to compensate for that by clearing out a lot of the dust on the roof. It wouldn’t stop me or any later investigators, but it would slow us down.
I trotted over to the roof’s peak and started checking the tiles there. The shooter had almost certainly set up shop on the back side of the peak, giving him a good position to brace his crossbow, and letting him duck down out of sight after firing at the aedile. Sure enough, I found a slight indentation in one of the crown tiles. A quick look back at the cafe confirmed that it all lined up perfectly. I smirked, and tapped the telltale tile. “Gotcha.”
I was getting started on a preliminary scan of the area when Strumming came down, hovering a meter or so over the roof. “Well, the clouds are a bust. You get anything?”
“Sure did.” I proudly pointed out the sniper nest I’d uncovered. “So there we have it: proof that Lyra will always beat Skyra.”
Strumming rolled her eyes, like she always did when I called her that. “No idea why you ever came up with that name. I was here fifteen years before you. If anything, you’re the one copying me ... Strumhorn.”
“Maybe, but you're missing an important fact.” I smirked up at her. “Strumhorn just sounds terrible as a nickname. Skyra flows right off the tongue. Ergo, I win.”
Strumming countered my argument by flapping dust into my face. Much sneezing followed.
While I was suffering terribly, Strumming landed and took a look at the sniper nest. “Yeah, looks like you found it alright. Now to see if he left anything behind for us.” She poked around for a bit, sniffing the air like she was some kinda dog or something.
I tried to get back into professional mode. One of those things you have to learn in the business—the difference between being on the clock and relaxing in your off hours. Retirement was hard on a lot of Ministry employees, as going back to being a normal civilian after spending your whole life as a spy made for a rough transition. Needing to keep up that barrier between home and work was also another reason I didn’t like working with family. Made it harder to decide if I should be ‘goofy off-hours Lyra’ or ‘stoic and serious on-duty Lyra.’
It was almost enough to make me wonder if I’d made the right choice when I joined the Ministry. Almost. Family and duty were just too important. I mean, being a Heartstrings meant going into the Ministry of Heart. Dad always joked that the whole reason it was called the Ministry of Heart was because of us. I’m pretty sure that was just him telling another one of his lame jokes, though. You’d think the guy who runs the most feared branch of the Imperial government would be a bit more serious, but he was a total clown in his off-hours.
“Well, this confirms that it was a quick shot.” Strumming’s voice snapped me out of that little bit of introspection. “If he'd been lying in wait for hours, he would've left behind more evidence.”
Well, that explained the sniffing. One of the less glamorous parts being an assassin is that when you spend hours lying in wait for your one chance at making a perfect shot, you don’t have the luxury of stepping out for a bathroom break. Funnily enough, none of the Con Mane movies ever featured him pissing himself five hours into a stakeout—it would kinda ruin his whole cool and sophisticated image. So would a lot of the stuff I’d done on the job. For the record, there are not nearly enough dangerously sexy mares throwing themselves at me.
“So we're dealing with somepony good enough to find a sniping position, get into it, and take a shot with only a couple minutes to pull it all off. Definitely backs up that we’re dealing with somepony who knows his stuff.” I thought about that and grinned. “Good. I’m always up for a challenge.” It would certainly be more satisfying than persuading that corrupt idiot of a governor in Northmarch to remove himself so we could put somepony competent in charge.
“Seems like it,” Strumming agreed. She glanced to me, a faint frown on her face. “Did the Empress tell you anything? I don’t mean to pry, but you are one of her favorites.”
“Well, I don’t mean to brag, but...” She did seem to use me for a lot of her special missions. She’d trusted me with information nopony else knew, because she knew I was loyal. I mean, everypony in the Ministry was loyal, but I was loyal. Empress Sunbeam was such a wise and glorious leader, so how could I not be utterly loyal to her? I know Dad was a little taken aback when I’d joined the Phoenix Cult, but worshipping the Empress just made sense, really. The Empress was our goddess for all intents and purposes. I would gladly die if she asked it of me, because I knew she would only do that if the greater good required it. That was why she trusted me.
Sadly, that trust didn’t translate to any special insight this time around. “No, she didn’t tell me anything other than the standard info, and that she really wants whoever killed the aedile found.”
“Which doesn’t tell us anything beyond the fact that it's probably not just some random killing.” Strumming sighed and rubbed her temple. “Not exactly helpful. I don’t suppose you can tell me if it’s tied into whatever she's been up to lately?”
It’s definitely possible it was tied into one of The Six, but that bit of information was something only myself and the Empress knew, and even I didn’t have the full story yet. Like who all The Six were. The victim did fall into the same general age range as the other known members of the group, though, and that opened up some very scary possibilities. If one of them had been killed before we could secure them ... well, I didn’t know the whole story on what The Six were supposed to do, but everything the Empress had told me indicated that it was fate-of-the-Empire important. If we didn’t have the full set, Bad Things would happen.
Still, that was all need-to-know information, and the Empress said Strumming didn’t need to know. “Whatever other projects the Empress may or may not be pursuing are not any of our concern right now. We need to focus on capturing the killer.”
Strumming groaned at that. “My own little cousin’s stonewalling me. Super. Just for that, I’m not sharing a bag of chips with you next time I get snacky.” She spent a bit pouting and refusing to meet my eyes, which was just annoyingly unprofessional. She got over it after a couple seconds, but that was still time wasted. “Anyway, back on task. Let’s catch this killer with what we’ve got, even if it would be easier if I knew the whole story.”
“Nopony likes a whiner, Strumming,” I chided. That made her start pouting again, so I decided to throw her a bone. “The Empress wouldn’t have given us this job unless she thought we could pull it off. Anything she didn’t tell us is information we don’t need to accomplish our current goal. It’s not like she knows who the killer is, and is just sending us to investigate because she wants to give us busywork. If she knew everything, she wouldn't need the Ministry in the first place.”
“Yeah, yeah. I just don’t like operating on incomplete information. Especially when it’s my own side holding out on me, and double-especially when it’s my cousin.” She scowled at nothing in particular for a bit, grumbling under her breath, then shook her head. “Ugh, back on target. So, got any theories on the crime? I don't see an obvious political motive.”
I decided to push the limits and give her as much information as I could, in the hopes that it would make her a bit less annoyed with me. “I’m just speculating here, but perhaps the Empress had a greater plan for her. By all accounts, she was a very popular and effective aedile, and Canterlot needs somepony to replace Aedile Cadenza. It is a possible angle, although it’s disturbing that the killer might have such inside information on Canterlot politics. It means we could be getting mixed up in something a lot more dangerous than an ordinary murder.”
Strumming turned that around in her head a couple times. “It would fit with one theory that’s been percolating in my head. I've been tracking down a Nightmare Cult that has an assassination list. Pity the list itself got burned badly enough that we couldn’t get more than one name off of it, and that was one our witness already confirmed.” She scratched at her chin and frowned thoughtfully. “However, now we’ve got a highly professional murder of a seemingly random pony, which the Empress is taking an unusual interest in. Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I suspect these two facts might be connected. Especially since I know you’ve been doing a lot of surveillance work lately ever since you got back from Northmarch. And on rather unusual targets.”
That got my attention. “You’ve been monitoring my movements?”
“Of course not!” Strumming gasped in mock-horror at the very suggestion. “I just pulled your expense and equipment reports. Way more reliable and easier to manage than having somepony spy on you. I don’t suppose you can tell me why you spent a month staking out the Everfree Forest, or about your trips to Cloudsdale and Appleloosa?”
Okay, now she was getting way too close to some stuff she definitely wasn’t allowed to know about. I dropped any pretense of being friendly family with her and hit her with my best death glare. “Strumming, you don’t want to continue this conversation. Whatever I may or may not have been doing in those locations, assuming I was ever there to begin with, is a matter of Imperial security that is beyond your current clearance level. If it got out you were trying to find out what I’m doing for the Empress, you wouldn’t like what happened next.”
Strumming bristled at that. “For the record, I was doing it on orders. MH’s, in fact.” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and relaxed a bit. “Your father’s worried about you, Lyra. I am too. Ever since you hooked up with the Phoenix Cult, you’ve been getting ... really intense. We’re both worried you’re gonna get too deep into something you shouldn’t.”
I didn’t like the sound of that at all. “Whatever I’m doing, if the Minister of Heart doesn’t know it, then the orders must come from the Empress herself. Which means both of you are overstepping, and prying into something top secret.”
“Secrets. Yeah, sure.” Strumming let out a breath and shook her head. “You wanna know what I’m afraid of? Seeing your name pop up on the memorial wall back at HQ. If you’re running some kind of black ops for the Empress ... well, you know the old stories about how the ancient magi kept their greatest spells secret.”
“By killing everypony else who knew the spell,” I supplied. It was a struggle not to roll my eyes while I answered. “Relax, Strumming. The Empress wouldn’t do that.” I left the second half of that thought go unspoken. Unless there was no other way. Not that I thought anything I’d done was that secret, but if the Empress felt that such extreme measures were necessary, then so be it. I’d been raised from birth to serve the Empire in the Ministry, and I was prepared to give my life for my Empress if it came down to that. I’d die to preserve her secrets if an enemy of the state was trying to torture the information out of me. Dying to prevent that risk from ever coming up in the first place wasn’t all that different. I believed in something greater than myself: an empire, and its empress.
My cousin frowned at me for a bit, then turned her attention back to the sniper nest. She didn’t say anything to me for a long time, so eventually I broke the silence myself. “If we're dealing with Nightmare cultists, then it would explain why you're tagging along with me. You’ve got more experience with cult-busting than I do.”
Strumming grunted and gave a barely perceptible nod. “That, and this is a mission where you need a good facilitator.” I took offense at that, but she was quick to elaborate on her point. “You’ve got all the stealth, infiltration, and investigation stuff down, but you’re not very good at dealing with other ponies. Frankly, your networking skills are pretty much nonexistent.”
Yeah, I didn’t like where this was going. “I'm not bad at it. I’ve got my contact with the Free Minds, and they can get into places most ponies can't. Not to mention all their other skills. How many cases have we cracked thanks to a quick grab and swap? Not to mention it lets us keep everything running even more smoothly than when we just disappeared the bad guys.”
“I’m not saying your contacts with the Free Minds aren’t an asset, but the Ministry has plenty of them working for us already.” Strumming let out a long-suffering sigh. “But I think you missed my main point. When it comes to handling ponies, or any of the Empire’s races other than the changelings, you’re ... well, you kinda suck at it. I mean, you don’t even have a social life outside of work, unless you count—”
I cut her off. “Oh, so now you're worried about me? That’s rich. Dad was training me up to be a good little Ministry agent when I was still a little filly. He pushed me to be the best I could possibly be, and I worked my plot off every damned day to make him proud. I'm sorry if I haven't turned out as perfect as you all expected me to. Maybe if you didn't want me ending up as 'messed up,' you shouldn't have robbed my childhood.”
Strumming had her mouth open to respond, but I didn’t even let her get started. “If you're going to give me a speech, it can wait until we're done with the task at hoof.” The last thing I needed was another lecture from one of my family members about how I needed to ‘get out more.’ If I was focused on my work, it was because my work was far more important than anything else. Every moment I spent goofing around with friends or family, or trying to find somepony to love me, was time I could be spending serving the Empire. The Ministry of Heart and its agents couldn’t afford to take vacations or spend the weekend getting drunk with friends. We had to be constantly vigilant and ready to serve the Empress.
Strumming waved the matter away. “Right, right, focus on the job. Can you run a magical sweep, or should I get one of our analysts to do it?”
By that point I was feeling prickly enough that the question offended me. “Yes, I can do a basic magical sweep of a crime scene. I’m the Empress’ personal agent, not a first year academy student.” To prove my point, I scanned the area thoroughly. There wasn’t much—whoever had done the shooting had obviously tried to cover his tracks—but he’d made one mistake. Wedged in between two of the roofing tiles was a single long, golden hair.
Strumming grinned as I pulled it out. “Nice. He must've gotten sloppy.” She carefully took the hair from me and looked it over, a frown slowly growing on her face as she did so. “Hrm. Well that’s a messy development.”
Intriguing. “Whatcha got?”
“Nothing important.” Strumming looked the hair over for a bit longer, then carefully tucked it away. “It’s probably just a coincidence.”
I swear, she was holding out on me just to get payback for all the stuff I couldn’t tell her. “Oh come on, Strumming! Don’t tease me when we’re dealing with serious business.”
Strumming gave an annoyed little huff, then pulled the hair back out. “It matches the tail color for the leader of that Nightmare Cult I told you about earlier. Nothing remotely conclusive, but...”
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s a coincidence either.” Call it a gut feeling, or maybe my mare’s intuition, but I was pretty sure we had our pony. One of the few things the Empress had divulged about The Six was that they had some kind of connection to Nightmare Moon.
“Yeah, have to agree.” Strumming stared at the hair for a bit, then passed it back to me again. “Can you run a trace on it?”
“Sure, just gimme a minute...” Tracking spells weren’t exactly my forte, but I was decent with them. Tracking was much more about precision and control than raw power. I’m a low delta on the unicorn scale, so I couldn’t really fling heavy magic around. Not that I’d ever needed to. Way too many unicorns with good magic end up letting their bodies go soft. I might not be a magical powerhouse, but I was in good enough shape to keep up with most earth ponies.
I ran through the tracking spell and waited to see what it would turn up. To my annoyance, I got exactly nothing. I tried a couple more times, but the spell still fizzled. I got a couple little twitches, but it was like something was blocking the connection. After the fourth casting, I started developing a nasty headache, and gave up on it for the moment. “Odd... either I'm still tired from feeding, or my trace is being interfered with.”
“Probably the second one,” Strumming opined, taking the hair back and securing it in an envelope. “If I'd just pulled a high-profile assassination, I'd take countermeasures against tracking spells too. I'll run the hair over to our analysts once we’re done here. Maybe one of the specialists will have more luck with it.” She paused, then frowned at me. “You’re letting that changeling gnaw on you enough to affect your performance?”
My eyes narrowed, and there was a bit of a snarl in my voice. “'Gnaw' is such an ugly word. The tribune just needs to drain a bit of my energy. The biting’s just one way to do it.” Not that I was especially eager to try out the alternative of going into a cocoon for a couple hours. Sure, it would spare me the hickeys, but I preferred just having it be a little extra-nippy when we were fooling around to going inside a cocoon. That just felt too ... impersonal. It made me feel like food, not its marefriend. “It doesn’t really even hurt or anything. It actually feels kinda nice once you get used to it. And no, it doesn't affect my performance. I only need a nap and a good meal after a session, and I’m ready to go.”
Strumming let out a skeptical snort. “But you just said it was leaving you weak enough that you were having trouble with your spells. So which is it?”
Ugh, I was beyond done with this conversation. Bad enough to have Strumming prying into my work as a Ministry Agent and my personal life, but if she was gonna get started on my love life too... “I was joking. I’m okay. Now let’s drop it and get back to work. And please, for the love of the Empress, no more personal talk. I get enough of that from my parents. I get that you’re all worried about me, but I’m fine. Got it?”
Strumming stared at me for a bit, then sighed and shook her head. “Yeah, sure, whatever you say. It’s hard to tell when you’re joking, once you’ve got your game face on. Especially since I almost never get to see you without it these days. Reminds me, you'd like the aedile's sister. Almost as hard to read as you are. Though if we take the killer alive, I’d suggest not letting her anywhere near him.”
“Sounds prudent.” Ponies could get all kinds of irrational when family was involved. Just look at all the trouble I’d been getting from Strumming. She and my parents were poking around in stuff they knew was none of their business just because they were worried I might be in trouble. Ugh, now I was letting myself get distracted by personal problems. “Right, so what’s the plan?”
Strumming held up the envelope containing the tail hair we’d recovered. “I’ll get somepony to run this back to the magi, see if they can get anything off of it. It’s a priority case, so we should get to the front of the line instead of going onto the waiting list. I guess until then, we'll do things the old-fashioned way: hit the usual sorts of hideouts you’d find in a town like this. With a level five curfew going on, he's gotta be hiding somewhere.”
“Unless he got out before we locked the town down.” Though if he’d managed that, we would be reduced to just looking around at random and hoping we got incredibly lucky. I suppose it was best to proceed on the assumption that lockdown had worked, since it at least gave us something productive to do while we waited. “Any suggestions on where to go first? Since I keep hearing I have bad pony skills, you would know better than me.”
My cousin let the barb pass without comment, which made me feel a bit bad about getting snippy with her in the first place. “Like I said, we start with the usual places a fugitive would go to hide out. Dingy bars, empty warehouses, that kinda thing. Check the town’s criminal records too, and see if there’s anyone who’d be inclined to help a fugitive Nightmare cultist.”
“Sounds like a lovely night out.” I do like my dry sarcasm.
“At least we'll have the city mostly to ourselves.” Strumming waved a hoof at the deserted streets. “One thing I do love about having a job outside of the capital. Out here in the country and small towns, ponies don’t get nearly so upset when we need to step up security a bit—they’re all just being nice and cooperative. If this were going on in Canterlot, I’d be up to my wingtips is bureaucrats, tribunes, legates, merchants, and anyone else with money and connections who felt inconvenienced by our investigation.
“I guess.” I shrugged. “Never really made much difference to me, honestly.”
“Probably because you and I have very different jobs,” Strumming countered. “My job’s to uphold the peace, protect the innocent, and keep the whole machine running smoothly. I resolve threats to the Empire before they reach the point where ponies die. You’re...”
“An assassin,” I finished for her. “But don’t think that means I don’t serve the Empire just as much as you do. Sometimes the problems the Empire needs solved happen to be ponies, or some other sentients. I guarantee you, if you compare the number I’ve killed to the number who would’ve died if I did nothing, it’ll come out in my favor.” I shrugged. “I’ve never had any trouble sleeping at night.”
“That’s what worries me.” Strumming groaned and flicked her wings, preparing to take off. “Whatever. I’ll go find somepony to run this in, and then we’ll get started.”
The searches turned up a whole lot of nothing, not that I was especially surprised. I never made a kill until I had my exit strategy worked out and a dozen backup plans in place. Often, the hardest part of an assassination wasn’t making the kill or dealing with the mind-numbing boredom that often came with waiting for the most opportune moment to strike. No, the hardest part was getting out after the job was done. It’s why a lot of the most infamous assassinations were done by fanatics; it’s a lot easier to kill somepony if you don’t care about getting away with it, or even surviving the attempt.
That’s what made our killer, who Strumming had ID’ed as Just Cause, so dangerous. He had the drive of a fanatic, but he still kept a cool head and thought things through. He wouldn’t stop, not until he’d accomplished whatever insane goal he believed Nightmare Moon wanted from him. And yet, as insane as his motives were, his methods were cold, calculated, and logical. It was a bit chilling to realize that he had a lot in common with me. We just worked for different sides. If he’d been working for the Empire instead of some lunatic cult, we might’ve been friends.
How bucked up is that?
Since Quarry Junction had been a bust, there wasn’t much else to do except wait for the analysts to finish going over all the evidence we’d retrieved. That was another thing most of your spy fiction gets wrong. Sure, I go on all kinds of crazy missions, but I’m kind of the exception that proves the rule. For every pony like me that went out on crazy missions, there were dozens who investigated, analyzed evidence, and interviewed suspects.
Unfortunately, that left me with nothing to do except wait around for the eggheads to come up with answers. Well, that and avoid my family. I was pretty sure that after how things had gone in Quarry Junction, Strumming and Dad would wanna pull me aside for a talk. A talk I really didn’t want to have. Everything was so much simpler and easier to deal with when I just didn’t worry about all that stuff. Maybe I should go see Tribune Codex tonight. The sessions with it always helped.
It didn’t help that my apartment was pretty bare bones. I’d just never really seen a need for most of the stuff most ponies accumulate. I mean, I’ve got some books and a battered old lyre, but that was about it. I just didn’t need anything beyond that. Most of my bits went back into my job, picking up extra non-standard gear. Not that the Ministry didn’t keep me well-supplied, but there are some things you can’t get from the quartermaster. Like enhancement potions that could be dangerous if you weren’t careful about using them.
I was rudely dragged out of those idle thoughts when Strumming flapped into my apartment. “You need better locks on your windows,” she offered by way of greeting. “Not why I’m here, though. Analysts came through, we’ve got a location on Just Cause. He’s hiding out in Undertown. No surprise, when our reports say he’s been recruiting a lot of unemployed miners to fill out his cult.”
Undertown. So he’d been right under our noses the entire time. Not really a surprise, though. With all the gem mining in Canterlot, Mount Avalon was honeycombed with a huge network of tunnels and caverns that would take a pony days to walk through if it was all laid out end-to-end.
Undertown sat at the base of Mount Avalon, or rather within the base of Mount Avalon. For a long time, it had just been a minor mining outpost until the Empire started laying the railroad down. Naturally, Canterlot was one of the Empire’s main railroad hubs, but making all the trains that were just stopping over or switching tracks climb all the way up the mountain would’ve been a huge waste of time and resources. So Undertown became a railroad hub, and got a new lease on life.
The problem was, before it had been a railroad hub, it had been something of a gathering point for all of Canterlot’s ne’er-do-wells. Places like Gemtown and the warehouse district can be a bit rough, but the Imperial Guard never let things get too bad. Undertown was where the hopeless cases wound up. Naturally that had to change once Undertown became a railroad hub, but that just shoved the criminals back into the abandoned tunnels. The Guard and Canterlot authorities kept an eye on them and cleared the area out when they could, but there was no way you could ever stop crime completely. It was just part of how ponies lived.
“So we’re going tunnel diving?” I got up and stretched until one of my back legs popped. “Great, I’ll gear up. We scouted the place out yet, or do you want me to do that?”
“Upstairs is sending in a magus to handle that. Imaging specialist. They’re worried any scout we might send in could tip them off, and they’d run for it. They’ve already gotten away from us twice.” Strumming scratched her chin and frowned. “Thus, sending in Magus ... whatever her name was. Heard she’s got an ego the size of Canterlot, but skills to back it up.”
“Do you mean she has the same inflated ego as most of the magi, or that her ego’s big even for a magus?” I shivered at the possibilities presented by the second option. “What is it about magi that makes them all so weird? Has there ever been a normal magus in the history of Equestria?”
“I'm sure there was one,” Strumming answered dryly. “Once. Somewhere.”
Heh. Still, we were getting magus support. The Empress was taking this one seriously. In that case, I might as well pull out all the stops. “I’ll stop by the Phoenix Temple for some of their knights, then. If we’re going into a Nightmare Cult’s base, we’ll want them.”
“I’d rather use Sol Invictus Knights.” Strumming sighed and shook her head. “Yeah, I know you don’t like that Old Queen Celestia still has followers, but their knights are a bit less ... zealous. Phoenix Knights always want to break out the holy fire.”
Oh goodie, another chance for Strumming to bug me about the Phoenix Cult. Really, the Order of Sol Invictus was borderline treasonous. After all, a lot of their leadership was tied to the Circle. Granted, the Circle hadn’t crossed the line with the Empress yet, but if they ever did, the Order’s knight’s would probably take the Circle’s side over the Empress’. Really, following the Old Queen wasn’t that far separated from being a Nightmare cultist. They were sisters, after all.
“If I’m getting knights, it’ll be ones I trust.” I took a breath, and softened my tone just a bit. “I don’t think the Order would be all that eager to loan me some of their knights anyway. You wanna talk to them, then go ahead. But I’m still getting some Phoenix Knights.”
Strumming sighed and waved the matter off. “Do what you’re gonna do. I’ll meet you in Undertown in three hours.” My cousin headed for the front door, but paused on the threshold. “The aedile’s funeral is in two days, and the Empress will be attending. I’m sure Her Imperial Majesty would like to be able to tell Pinkie Pie’s family that we brought her killer to justice.”
“Using her superior magical abilities, the Great and Powerful Trixie has done what nopony else could and succeeded in constructing the following facsimile of the cultist base. The Great and Powerful Trixie would further suggest that...”
Strumming wasn’t kidding about the ego. Is it bad that I was secretly hoping our magus would turn out to be a traitor just so I’d have an excuse to kill her?
Right on schedule, we all met up in Undertown’s outer tunnels. We were far enough away from the settlement that everything was practically lightless. We probably could’ve fixed that by throwing out a couple light spells, but that might give us away to any lookouts the cultists would have. Light can carry a long way in the dense and cramped underground tunnels. Besides, spells and charms to let a pony see in the dark were pretty easy to come by; judging by the fact that nopony was stumbling around blindly, we’d all managed to lay our hooves on some kind of solution before coming down here. We just needed to be careful to avoid any sudden bright lights; most spells for seeing in the dark made ponies’ vision more sensitive to light.
Praetorian Red Shield, the leader of the Phoenix Knights I’d acquired to help with this operation, looked over the map. “We’ll need to put blocking forces at their escape tunnels here and here.” He pointed to two small side-tunnels. “After that, it should be pretty simple. Send a shield wall down the central corridor, and clear out the side tunnels and chambers as we go. Take it slow and methodical, and we should mop them all up. I’d like to see them try to break our shield wall.”
The magus decided to throw in her two bits. “Trixie will, of course, easily counter any magic they might attempt to bring to bear against us.”
Which just left myself and Strumming to justify our roles. My cousin filled that in pretty quickly. “Since this is a Ministry operation, I’ll be in overall command, though of course I’ll offer due weight to the praetorian and magus’ advice on whatever comes up. Lyra can help with clearing out the side passages. Some of them look a bit too rough for a shield wall.”
“Our incendarii can support her,” the Praetorian offered.
Strumming winced at that. “My Old Unicornian is a bit rusty, but I’m pretty sure I can piece together what incendarii do. I’d like to recover some prisoners and intelligence from this operation, and burning everything to cinders might complicate that just a bit.”
“They are capable of showing restraint, Agent Heartstrings.” It was hard to get a read on the praetorian when he was covered from horn to hoof in the red and gold armor of the Phoenix Knights, but I’m pretty sure he was a bit miffed by the implication that his soldiers were out-of-control pyromaniacs. “Though I expect our best chance of taking prisoners will be once we have them trapped between two shield walls, not from the side passages with the incendarii.”
“Fine, fine.” Strumming grumbled and flicked a wing. “Just tell them to exercise discretion with the incend-ing. I don’t want them burning anything that’s more useful to us un-burnt. Not to mention how nasty things could get if they start a big fire. Underground tunnels do not have good ventilation, and I can’t breathe smoke.”
The magus decided to chime in. “Trixie agrees. While she can protect herself from a little fire, she would prefer not to be covered in soot and have her robes ruined.”
“Noted, then,” the Praetorian answered tersely. “If there is nothing else?”
Nopony else had anything to say, so Strumming nodded. “Let’s not waste any more time, then. Let me know when the blocking forces are in place, and we’ll get down to business.”
After that, I didn’t have much to do for a while but wait. I did all the usual stuff, like checking my swords, armor, and other gear, but that was just a way to kill time—I’d already checked all of it before I came down here. I mean, I guess I could try talking to the others, but that would mean my cousin who’d probably wanna nag me about my personal life, the insufferably stuck-up magus, or the praetorian who was busy getting his troops ready for battle and probably didn’t want me making small talk to pass the time.
I conjured up my magical hands, then drew my blades. It had taken me a long time to get used to fighting on my back hooves, but it did give a lot of advantages, like having more reach. Granted, there were also all the disadvantages of being preciously balanced on half the limbs nature intended me to use, but so far I’d managed. All those potions I took to help improve my dexterity and coordination probably helped.
The sabre went in my right hand, and the parrying dagger in my left. I’d tried fighting with two full-length sabres for a while, but even with magically enhanced reflexes that was a bit too much to manage. The dagger was a bit easier to use, and it gave me more versatility with my combat style anyway. Plus I could hold onto a couple extra daggers a lot more easily than swords. Nopony carries a cold iron sword unless they know they’ll be fighting a magus in the next five minutes and not facing any mundane opponents with decent armor. A cold iron dagger, on the other hoof, wasn’t so hard to always keep handy.
I took my blades through a few quick warmup exercises, just to get loosened up and ready for the fight. That at least gave me something useful to do. Pretty soon I was lost in the easy flow of combat maneuvering, effortlessly shifting between stances and blade positions. I’d had to get most of my lessons in swordsmanship from a gryphon, since ponies almost never fought this way. Talos hadn’t been the nicest instructor I’ve ever had—I’d left most of my practice sessions sporting several new bruises—but by the time I was done with him I’d learned everything I needed to know to hold my own in a fight.
Naturally, the troops got into position right as I was really getting into my exercise routine. Ugh. Oh well, soon I’d be applying my skills for real. Practice is all well and good, but nothing’s quite the same as a proper battle.
The Phoenix Knights lined up four abreast and three deep, which would be enough to pretty much fill the tunnel once we entered. They carried shields held in front of them by special harnesses along with spears attached in standard lance mounts. Each shield was designed to lock together, and had a small hole in the side that was just big enough to fit the spear’s shaft through. Once the shield wall was set up, it was just about impossible to crack, unless you hit it really hard or had some powerful magic. Or outflanked it, but managing that feat was just about impossible in narrow tunnels.
Once the Knights started marching down the tunnel, we’d pretty much lost any hope of making a surprise attack. Their wall of shields and spears might be just about unbreakable, but one thing it definitely wasn’t was quiet. A dozen ponies in heavy full plate with locked shields and spears make a lot of noise, especially in a narrow tunnel. If the cultists had missed all of us getting into position, they definitely knew they were under attack now.
It wasn’t long before cultists started tumbling out of the side passages, curious about what the hay was making so much noise. Most of them took one look at the line of heavily armed and armored ponies marching towards them and beat a hasty retreat. Not all of them were that smart, though. A couple came charging at the shield wall, brandishing mining tools they’d converted into weapons and screaming Nightmare Moon’s name. They learned how big of a mistake they’d made pretty quickly.
“Good thing we busted their weapon smuggling operation,” Strumming grimaced as one of the cultists met a quick and messy end by charging the shield wall with nothing but a pickaxe. “This’d be a bit rougher if they had proper weapons. As it is, I’d complain about this not even being a fair fight, but they’re Nightmare cultists, so screw ‘em.”
As we approached the first of the side rooms Strumming waved me forward. “I’ll stick with the shield wall, you take some of those incendarii and work on clearing the side passages.”
I certainly had no objection to that; my swords were just about useless when I was stuck behind three ranks of shields and spears.
More of the Phoenix Knights came up, staying close on the shield wall’s back. Instead of heavy shields and spears, these ones were carrying lighter, more maneuverable weapons. I was pretty sure those were the incendarii troops the praetorian had mentioned earlier. It wasn’t hard to guess why they were getting so cautious as we neared one of the side rooms. I’m no expert at military tactics, and even I could tell that the wall of shields and spears wasn’t a flexible formation. Pretty much all they could do was face forward and march. If somepony came after them from one of the side passages, they would need the extra support.
The apparent leader of the incendarii squad was also a bit of a surprise to me. Mostly because when he opened up his helmet’s visor, I saw stripes. I knew the Phoenix Knights accepted all species, but I guess I’d always assumed that every single equine-shaped figure in their armor was a pony. Obviously I’d been mistaken. The zebra turned to face me. “Are we ready to begin our stage of the attack, Agent Heartstrings? I promise victory will follow us on swift wings.”
“Yeah, ‘course it will.” To be honest, I wasn’t really much of a leader of ponies (or zebras). Probably part of that whole lack of social skills thing Strumming kept bringing up. So, rather than try and say something inspiring, I played it safe. “You and your soldiers know what to do. I’ll follow your lead, and offer support.”
“One moment.” I cringed at the magus’ imperious voice. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has seen little need for her presence supporting the shield wall. She will accompany the others into this side passage, so that she can better apply her talents.”
After a brief mental struggle, I resisted the urge to plunge my cold iron knife into her back. It was a close thing, though. Instead I let the not-so-great-or-powerful Trixie take the lead. Maybe her antics were good when it came to impressing the easily impressed, but to anypony who knew the score, she was nothing but a loudmouth. Personally, I’d rather focus on actually being effective than bragging about how amazing I was. My results spoke for themselves.
Just to make things better, Trixie seemed to have picked up on my lack of leadership skills, and was more than happy to fill the gap herself. “Trixie will send illusionary doubles further up the tunnel, in case there are any ambushes waiting for us. She will also cover the group in spells that will hide us from our enemies until we have the perfect opportunity to strike.”
I couldn’t come up with a good reason to shoot the plan down, on account of it being annoyingly sensible. Why couldn’t she have come up with an obviously stupid plan full of holes I could spot and point out to make her look bad? It was so much easier to look smart and cool when your opponent was obliging enough to make themselves look like an idiot without any effort on your part.
The magus concentrated for a bit, and a bunch of illusionary doubles of our formation popped up a bit further down the tunnel. She spent a bit touching them up to make everything as close to a perfect match as she could, and then we marched onward with the illusions about ten meters in front of us. I would’ve preferred having them further ahead, but the magus needed to keep the illusions within her line of sight to properly manage them.
A couple seconds later, I felt two layers of magic settle over me. For a moment, everypony around me disappeared completely, but a second later they all popped back into existence, though a bit fuzzy. Presumably she’d tossed on a spell to conceal us, and then a spell to let us see each other. It would be rather embarrassing if we ended up tripping all over ourselves.
Because the universe hates me and enjoys my suffering, Trixie’s precautions wound up paying off. As the illusionary force moved out of the narrow tunnel and into a wider open cavern, a hail of missiles met them. Most of it was just ponies chucking rocks or other nearby debris, most of which would just bounce off armor. However, a crossbow bolt shot right through the head of one of the soldiers and bounced off the floor to come skittering to a stop near my hooves.
Okay, that could be a problem. The bolt that had hit the aedile was a military one. It stood a decent chance of punching through the knights’ full plate if it hit in the right place at the right angle. If he had any cold iron bolts, the magus could be in danger too. I got a lot more worried when the second shot came in, and went right through my illusionary double. At that moment, I became acutely aware of the fact that I wasn’t wearing as much armor as any of the knights.
“Hold fire! They are illusions!” One of the cultists called out. The voice sounded a bit too upper-class and educated to be one of the miners. We might have Just Cause himself cornered. Our information did suggest he was a dispossessed ex-noble, so the classy accent fit.
I was about to take charge and order an advance when Trixie stole my thunder again. “Hold just a moment, the Great and Powerful Trixie has a nasty surprise in store for them.”
The Stealthy and Dextrous Lyra was getting really tired of putting up with Trixie’s ego. With a little bit of work, I could totally make it look like she’d been taken out by the miners and nobody would investigate too thoroughly. Especially if she had as many enemies as I suspected she might.
She spent a while working whatever new spell she had in store, then nodded to herself. “Very well then, everything is ready. Trixie will send her group in, and then we should follow close behind to take advantage of the terror and confusion they will sow. It should allow us to roll up the cultists quite quickly and easily.”
More like allow us to do the actual fighting, while Trixie sat in the back and took all the credit. Though come to think of it, there was a rather obvious flaw in her plan. “They already know they’re dealing with illusions. Why would making the fakes charge have any impact?”
Trixie let out a frustrated little grumble. “Has nopony read the Great and Powerful Trixie’s brilliant and groundbreaking papers about quasi-real illusions?”
Even if I had, I wouldn’t have given her the satisfaction of admitting it. “Nope.”
She stomped on the floor and let out a frustrated little growl. “Trixie has made no secret of the incredible advances she has made in the art of illusion magic. She has been published in every single major magical journal! How can you be unfamiliar with her accomplishments?”
It was no doubt because I had long since mastered the ancient and venerable art of not giving a flying feather about what stuck-up magi were up to. “Tabloid articles aren't really my thing. I prefer something a bit more classy.” I let the remark hang in the air long enough to make my point, then got back to business. “So how about you stop telling us what a genius you are, and start explaining what the hay it is you’re talking about?”
The magus huffed. “Well, since Trixie must work alongside ignorant fools who do not understand the depth of her brilliance...” She took a deep breath, and finally got to work, “I will attempt to explain it in simple terms for simple minds. Suffice to say, Trixie has uncovered a way to make her illusions at least partially real. For a few critical seconds, some aspects of her illusion work can gain a limited degree of solidity. In this particular case, the edges and tips of the weapons used by your illusionary doubles.”
Okay, much as I hated to say it, that was a bit impressive. Not that I would ever give Trixie the satisfaction of admitting as much to her. Her ego was inflated enough without any praise. “Yeah, sure, whatever. So are you gonna keep patting yourself on the back for your brilliance, or are you actually gonna get to work and do this thing?”
The magus gave a melodramatic sigh. “Like all true geniuses, Trixie is unappreciated in her own time. So be it.” She sent the illusions charging in, with the rest of us following close behind them, still invisible. Just as she’d predicted, the cultists took a couple potshots to confirm they were illusions, and then completely dismissed them as a threat. I guess they hadn’t read any of Trixie’s articles either. I have to admit, as much as I didn’t care for Trixie herself, it was rather satisfying watching the cultists freak out and panic when the illusions hit and actually started cutting them down.
The attack only lasted a couple seconds before the illusions vanished completely, and when that happened the spells hiding us went down too. A quick look back at the magus revealed Trixie was breathing hard and sweating. I guess that trick of hers took a lot of juice to pull off.
I closed in on the cultists, who were already having discipline problems. Fanatics just aren’t very good substitutes for real soldiers. They were either too quick to panic when things went wrong, or so eager to get into the fight that they’d go charging in swinging wildly. I ran into one of the latter as I approached, a large musclebound stallion who came at me with a pickaxe, clearly intent on planting it in my head. I brought my saber up high to catch his improvised weapon before he could start the downstroke, then quickly closed to inside his weapon’s effective range and put my dagger to work. Another cultist came at my back while I was engaged with the stallion, so I quickly whirled and threw a backhoof slash at him. The attack wasn’t all that accurate, but I caught him on the side of the head hard enough to put him down.
I wasn’t here for the rank and file cultists, though. The incendarii could handle them just fine. I found out why they had that name pretty quickly, as once the battle was joined most of their weapons burst into magical fire. Watching their comrades being stabbed and burned at the same time was not very good the cultists’ morale.
Some instinct told me that our crossbow wielder was none other than Just Cause himself, and there was no way I would let him get away again. I didn’t like it when ponies got away from me. It offended my professional sensibilities.
The problem was finding Cause. He wasn’t mixed up in the general melee between the Knights and the cultists. He’d probably set himself up somewhere he wouldn’t be noticed, and was planning on putting that crossbow of his to use. That at least made finding him easy. I just kept a close eye on all the good hiding spots and waited for him to take a shot.
Just as I’d hoped, I spotted him when he popped out of cover in one of the cavern’s hidden corners. To make things even better, he took a shot at Trixie. The magus was the most obvious threat, after all. The arrogant nag took the bolt right in her chest and went down hard.
It’s always nice when everything in your life lines up perfectly.
I went after Cause, sticking to the shadows and using a bit of magic to make myself even harder to see. I might not have Trixie’s talent for illusions or the raw skill of a magus, but I was a lot better at mundane stealth. I didn’t need a perfect invisibility spell when I was already pretty good at sneaking without any magic at all.
I closed in on Cause without too much trouble. He was hiding behind a fairly large cluster of stalagmites, using them as cover from the main battle. He’d already reloaded his crossbow and had it trained on the zebra leading the incendarii. Thankfully, he hadn’t gotten a clear shot yet.
I suppose if I’d been an action hero of some sort, I would’ve called him out and we would’ve had an epic climactic duel. But I’m not a hero, I’m an assassin. My dagger slammed into the back of his skull and straight through his brain. He died without even realizing I was there.
As I was wiping the blood off my blade, the empty air to my side let out an annoyed huff. A second later Trixie, looking entirely too unperforated for my liking, popped into existence. “Trixie nearly had him!”
I guess she must’ve used one of her illusions to fake her death and draw him out then. Pity. “I guess you should’ve been faster.”
The not-so-great-or-powerful Trixie growled, then picked up Cause’s body and chucked it out into the open, where everypony could see it. Then she hopped up onto the stalagmites so everypony could see her, and struck a dramatic pose. “Enemies of the Empire! Your leader is dead, and you are facing enemies with superior weapons, armor, and training. Refuse surrender, and you will surely join your wretched leader in death!” Trixie called up half a dozen huge fireballs that were almost certainly pure illusions. “Make your choice, and make it quickly, for the Great and Powerful Trixie is not a patient mare!”
A second later, one of the cultists threw down his pickaxe and dropped to his knees. “Oh please spare us, mighty Trixie!” With some amusement, I noted that I hadn’t seen that particular cultist at any point during the battle. I rather suspect that he was another one of Trixie’s ... tricks.
Illusion or not, it had the desired effect. Soon real cultists were tossing down their weapons and surrendering too. A couple of them insisted on dying for Nightmare Moon—a desire the incendarii had no problems at all accommodating.
We were just about done mopping up and securing the rest of the prisoners when Strumming came in, along with more of the Phoenix Knights. Her eyes flicked down to Just’s body, and she gave a small satisfied nod. “Nice work. Looks like you guys got most of the action. The rest of the cultists went down pretty easy once we caught them between the shield walls. Especially since they didn’t have their leader.”
“It was easy for a mare of Trixie’s abilities.” The magus paused, and a shot a slight glower my way. “Though Agent Heartstrings was the one to remove their leader, and Trixie does not mean to neglect the contribution of the incendarii. All played a vital role in the victory under Trixie’s brilliant leadership.”
Amazing. Even when she was trying to be a bit modest and share credit, it still turned back into another way to praise herself at the end. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised, really. At least she was consistent.
I took a look around the cavern and shrugged. “Looks like you guys have things wrapped up here.” There would be a lot of evidence to sort through and prisoners to interrogate, but that wasn’t really something I usually involved myself in. I didn’t have Strumming’s knack for spending an hour chatting with a prisoner and sharing some crisps with them, and somehow getting them to spill everything they knew.
Strumming nodded. “Yeah, we can handle things from here, and somepony needs to tell the Empress that we’ve cleaned the nest out. So go ahead and...”
Strumming trailed off, her eyes widening and her mouth hanging open as she stared at something behind me. I quickly whirled around and brought my weapons to the ready. Just Cause was moving again, which ought to be impossible after I’d stuck a dagger into his brain. He slowly climbed to his hooves, his movements slow, jerky, and unnatural.
“Possession,” Praetorian Red Shield hissed. “We should destroy it at once.”
Strumming held up a forestalling hoof. “Wait. Burn it if it does anything hostile, but we might get some kind of useful intel out of it first.” She cleared her throat, and turned to face the corpse. “I am Special Agent Strumming Heartstrings of the Imperial Ministry of Heart. Identify yourself, and state your purpose.”
Just’s head twisted around to an angle that should’ve broken his neck. When he answered, the voice was cold, regal, and feminine. “Iustam regina Equestriae non redierit canibus latronibus.”
Red Shield hissed and readied his weapon. “It is the Nightmare herself! Agent Heartstrings, we should—”
“Shut up and let me see if I can get anything useful out of it,” Strumming hissed back to the knight. Then she turned back to the possessed cult leader. “I don’t suppose you should switch over to something a bit more modern than Old Unicornian? All I got out of that was something about Equestria, and I’m pretty sure you called me a dog.”
“Irreverens stulte, ut subjiciam ante faciem tuam vera regina!” The Nightmare snarled at her, and its voice picked up a lot of volume as it continued. “Cum liberabo de mea claustro, venatiam te et bibam de tua calvario! Exorciam tua viscus de tua taleris et texam eam in nova palle! Precati eritis dulci liberatione mortis!”
Strumming weathered the ranting, then casually looked over at the rest of us. “Any of you get all of that? I got something about how I should be bowing before her, and some stuff about turning my skull into a drinking cup and my flesh into her new cloak, but the crazy ranting is all coming a bit too fast for me.”
“Trixie would say you gathered everything of importance, then.”
“Right.” My cousin turned back to face the Nightmare, singularly unimpressed by her threats. “Any last words before we burn your vessel?”
The Nightmare struck as proud and haughty a pose as it could manage while jerkily possessing a dead body. “Cogitatis viceratis? Tua victoria est sine excellentia! Interfeci una electae fabluae! Non utilitatemini Elementa Harmoniarum a mihi! Deficitis! Omnes qui resisterint mortes clamare in dolore cum tuae falsa imperatrice!”
Strumming nodded to Red Shield, and he plunged his spear into the corpse. An instant later it burst into flames, consuming Nightmare’s Moon’s vessel.
A part of me wished we’d kept the Nightmare around for just a bit longer, though. I didn’t know for sure what she’d meant about the whole ‘destined ones’ and ‘Elements of Harmony’ thing, but I had a bad feeling that they were connected to The Six that the Empress had taken such an interest in. And Nightmare Moon seemed pretty sure that she’d just made a winning move. All I could do was hope that Nightmare Moon was wrong, or the Empress had a backup plan.