I sat in the kitchen as I waited for Twilight to finish getting ready. I was nervous. Very nervous. It's not a real date. A real date would be someplace romantic. Someplace fancy. Probably in Canterlot. It was just us going to a restaurant to talk and make Twilight feel better. I felt my hands become clammy as my legs jumped up and down. Calm down, idiot. It's not a big deal. You've gone to restaurants with her in the past. What makes this so much different? I thought.
I sighed to myself. It's different in the fact I want this to be a date. A time with just us both. A time where, as Rarity put it, I could put myself out there. I could compete. I shook my head. She wasn't a prize to be won by me. She was someone who could make decisions for herself. That doesn't mean I can't show her what I have to offer... I thought.
"Calm down, man. It'll be cool. You've finally gotten that date you've always wanted." Spike said.
"More like a date that just happened to come by. If it was the way I really wanted, and if I could afford it, I'd go to Canterlot. Spend an evening in Canterlot Gardens, have a nice, romantic meal, maybe even get Luna to make it a clear night. But I guess I should be happy with this. And I am. Just...I'm not sure how it'll go." I said.
"Well don't be blatantly obvious about it. You have to woo her. It's the best way to do it." he said.
"Yes because it's worked so well for you hasn't it." I said, getting annoyed that a baby dragon was trying to give me advice on girls.
"How many kisses have you gotten from Twilight for all that you've done?" he asked me.
"What does that have to do with you?"
"Well, I've earned a few from Rarity for my assistance." he said, proudly.
I sighed again. "Look, Spike, I appreciate what you've done. You actually helped me gain some form of courage to ask her to the smallest inkling of a date. But, let me handle this how I see best." I said.
He shrugged. "Have it your way. Just when you tell her you love her, make sure you do it right." he said, going back to his comic book.
"I...Hey! I never..." I said fumbling. I felt my face turn a deep red. Damn it Spike.
"You ready?" I heard Twilight say behind me.
I turned to look at her, and she looked stunning. Her coat seemed brighter, her mane brushed and glowing, she looked completely different from earlier. Almost like she did when I first met her. "Uh...yeah! Yeah, let's go." I said smiling.
"Something wrong?" she asked, probably due to my face being red as a tomato.
"Oh, nothing's wrong. Just...you look great...really great." I said smiling. She smiled back and lowered her head. We headed out the door and to the restaurant. I felt Twilight walk closer to me than normal, but I wasn't going to say anything about it. I liked her being close. We talked a little bit, mainly about her studies and what we would do should an alien race decide to invade. Apparently she had been reading up on some of Stephen Hawking's beliefs about life outside our world as she tried to understand human culture a little more.
When we arrived at the restaurant, there wasn't a long wait, and we were seated within minutes. It was only about 4 o'clock, so we must have been early for the dinner rush. We ordered our food and continued our conversation from before. I couldn't really concentrate on what she was saying. I kept being distracted by her looks. I became lost in her eyes, which may sound cliche, but it's true.
"Are you even listening to me?" she asked, probably catching on.
"Huh? Oh right, yeah. Totally." I said.
"You're a bad liar." she replied.
I gave a light smile. "Sorry. I just can't get over how you look tonight." I said. Yes Brendan, smart. Just keep complimenting her on her looks. Don't even mention anything about her personality and her ability for deep thought talking. I thought to myself.
She chuckled. "Are you always this corny when you flirt?" she asked.
"That obvious huh?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head.
"Just a little. But...I have to admit that I've been fascinated with how you changed your look. It's completely different. Like, you actually put an effort into looking nice." she said. "You're very handsome." she said with a smile.
'Well thanks. I'm sorry I let the royal bum stay in your house for these past number of months. He's been keeping me hostage." I said, jokingly.
"With your feelings?" she asked me.
"Huh?"
She chuckled. "Brendan, I'm not blind. Or, not anymore." she said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well...I overheard you and Spike. And...well...I never thought you liked me that way." she said.
"What...what are you talking about?" I said, trying to back track. I wasn't ready to talk about all of this just yet. I thought it would be maybe at the end of the date or a few more down the road.
She took a deep breath. "When you first came here, I had just started dating Phil. At first it was pure curiosity that brought me to him. While I was attracted to him, I didn't think anything would come of it. But...as you found out...I fell in love with him." she said.
I felt my heart sink. And this is where she says she only wants to be friends. Maybe even say I should find a place of my own. I thought.
"I thought about forcing you to move out so he could move in with me and make things easier. I never did because I felt it was unfair to you." she said.
Yep. Here it comes.
"But...there was something else...something I didn't want to admit to myself until the Starswirl Museum. I had started to really like you. Like...really really like you..." she said turning a dark red. "I never said anything because, again, I thought you were just being a friend for me whenever I needed someone. I didn't think that you might have wanted to be with me. And it didn't help that I still loved Phil. I don't know how to explain it. I just...I love it when you talk to me. Just saying hi or how are you make me feel tingly inside...When I asked you about how I knew if I was in love with Phil...I was really seeing if it was how I felt with you...I told Phil I loved him awhile ago, and I do, I really, really do...but I don't know why, or how, I'm able to love both of you..." she said.
Is...is she serious? I thought. I didn't know what to say.
"When you first told me your obsession with Astronomy, I wanted to see how your culture and mine related on the subject. Surprisingly, we both share our basic understanding, minus a few contradictions. I found it fascinating. I found you fascinating. I could talk to you about things that I had always had questions about but never could ask Phil. You accepted both our cultures almost instantly, understanding how different they were. You didn't try to force what you thought was right with what I thought was right. You just...understood. I could talk to you about my studies. I could talk to you about my ups and downs with Phil. With him... I couldn't talk to him about most of that. But the thing with him is...well...He has his life together. He knows his field. He knew how to care for me long before you did. And...he's just an amazing guy." she said.
"Well...."
"And it's not that you aren't an amazing guy too. It's just...well, you're living with me. I haven't made you pay rent, you eat our food, and I pay you for working at the library."
So basically you just called me a moocher. I thought.
"But...I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I just couldn't. Much like I couldn't tell you how I felt. I never saw the signs, and I think my friends didn't tell me simply because I was with Phil. And after hearing you and Spike talk...I thought about it. About us. Everything we've done for each other. You always being there and dropping everything you were doing to make sure I was alright, making me feel so much better about everything, or at least trying." she said. "And then the amount of time I spent building that projection in the library for you was more than I spent doing anything for Phil. But he's not into that extravagant stuff. He likes people being independent of their actions, but dependent on him."
"When you asked me this morning what was wrong with me, I lied. Phil and I didn't talk about whether we loved each other or not. We talked about me moving in with him. I told him I couldn't because someone had to watch over the library. He told me you could take over for me. That it could help you get your own life started. I would move in with him and you would have your own place. But I couldn't bring myself to leave you like that. At least, not at first... Phil became annoyed, saying that I couldn't baby sit you anymore and that you had to, 'become a man.' A part of me wanted to tell him that you had your life together, you just had to save up money, but when he brought up how long you've been here and how long you've been staying with me...I guess I just agreed with him. I told him that he was right and that you had to live on your own."
"I felt awful. I had been trying to figure out a way to tell you, without hurting your feelings. I hated seeing you sad or hurt. It broke my heart to see you like that. But I hated seeing Phil upset, especially when it came to his views. He left some behind, obviously, when he started dating me, but it's hard for him to leave everything he learned growing up behind him when it comes to people. Unlike you. You seemed accepting of our place. While I could tell there were some things that you were still awkward about, or clearly disagreed with, you didn't try to push me with them. You looked at my views, and then shared your own."
"Going back to when I asked you how I knew if I was in love with Phil, you asked me if I could see myself having a family with him...and the truth is...I can't see it with him. I feel he would try to push his ideals on our kids, human or pony, without giving them the proper materials to learn and decide for themselves. But with you, I feel like you could do that. But I don't know if you could support us like Phil could. Phil is the one who could help support all of us, while you are the one who could get help teach them the morals of life and let them make their own decisions." she said.
I stared at her, silently. "Well...say something! I just spilled my guts on the table, the least you could do is act like you heard me...or care about any of it." she said, frantically.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. So...I did what I felt I had to do right then and there. Something I had been wanting to do for awhile, but, just like Twilight, had kept hidden and tried to hide. I kissed her. I dropped the ball and kissed her. When I pulled away, I knew i surprised her. I knew that she was shocked that I did that. But she wasn't upset that I did. I could tell it in her eyes. She was glad that I did.
"Twilight...I love you. But I don't want to 'win' you. I don't want to have to compete with Phil to be with you. I want you to choose based on your own beliefs. I want you to choose based on your own thoughts and what you think is best." I said.
"But I don't know what's best." she said.
"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you what you should do. I can tell you what I would like you to do, but that would be unfair. I can't force you. And neither can Phil. Remember that it's your choice. And while either Phil or I will be upset with your choice, we will still care about you. And if either of us stops caring, then we weren't the one for you."
She lowered her head. "Can we leave? I don't want to talk about this anymore in public." she said quietly.
"Sure." I said. We stood up to go right as our food was finished. I gave them a few extra bits for their troubles, and they put the food in a bag for us to take home.
We didn't say much on the way home. The sun was still up, but it was going to be dark before we returned to the library. The way the magic worked here, it would be darker earlier than back home, even if the sun and moon rose at the same times as they did back home. I still couldn't believe that she liked me. I know everyone else was saying it was blatantly obvious, but how could I have been so distant from my emotions that I couldn't tell that she liked me. Maybe it is better I waited. Gave her time to think it over and to open up to me about it, even if it was because she over heard Spike and I. I thought.
We walked up to the library and opened the door as the moon rose above the horizon. She opened the door and I could tell Spike was too engrossed in his comics to even notice we were back so early. "I want to continue talking, but not with Spike right there." she whispered to me. I followed her up to her room and we carefully closed the door. She sat on her bed and I sat at the foot.
We didn't say anything, we just stared at each other for a little bit. I smiled at her, hoping she would smile back, which she quickly returned. "So...you love me." I said. She nodded. "But you also love Phil."
"Yeah. And I don't know what to do." she said. "I've never been in this position before. I can't love you both...but I do."
I sighed and looked away from her and at my feet. "Just follow your heart." I said.
"And if it tells me to hurt one of you in a way I could never fix?" she said.
"Than that's what you have to do." I told her. I noticed the bed shake a little and found she had put her head on my shoulder and started to nuzzle my neck. I placed my hand on the side of her neck.
"Brendan..." she started to say but stopped. She was probably out of things to say that she hadn't already said before, or rehashed a different way.
"I know." I said.
She gave me a light thump. "Stop quoting Star Wars." she said.
I chuckled. "You didn't even say the line right."
She lifted her head off my shoulder and I looked at her. She leaned in and kissed me. It was a long kiss, one that I wished wouldn't end. "Do I have to say it?" she said after she pulled away.
I smiled at her. "No." I said, and kissed her again. I knew this was wrong, on many levels, but I just didn't care. I was happy. She was happy. And that's all that mattered. We stopped kissing and we laid on the bed together. We cuddled before we finally fell asleep.