//------------------------------// // Book of Redemption // Story: Diary of the Fallen Star // by Piccolo Sky //------------------------------// Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 7 I don’t know how much longer I can live like this… When I was younger, it was bearable…but now I just wish I had never been born. I’ve got nothing now. Everyone knows who…what I am. And I’m scared to death that somewhere beneath this miserable girl covered with mortar and dirt from trying to patch up the hole she made in the school that I’m still that horrible demon… The only thing I ever say to anyone now is “I’m sorry”, usually while I’m crying… I never had any friends to begin with, but if I wasn’t the outcast before, I definitely am now. People trip me…throw things at me…spit on my shoes or in my face… They don’t even laugh or smile about it. They just look at me with this hateful stare… Even Snips and Snails won’t look me in the eye anymore or say a word to me. I know I deserve all of it, but…it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I wish this load of bricks would just fall on me and bury me. Or at least that I could stop crying for more than an hour. Or stop waking up with dreams where I’m that horrible demon again. Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 8 I can’t go back into the school until I finish fixing the front. It’ll be winter long before then, but I’m a fool if I think I’ll get sympathy. I don’t even really know what I’m doing…but the carpentry club won’t answer my questions. No one talks to me except to call me ‘she-devil’ or ‘witch’… Well…except one person. I jammed my finger under one of the bricks again today, and I couldn’t help it…I broke down crying again. I fell to my knees and just cried and cried. I felt something after a while. I thought it was someone who pelted me with something warm again, but I thought someone was near. So I turned and looked, and I saw Fluttershy. I actually recoiled from her and put my hands up. I thought she’d yell at me. I know what Twilight said to her back at the Fall Formal before she left, but…I didn’t believe it. Like I said…I know nothing about friendship. I thought she was going to get revenge for everything I did… She gave me a handkerchief with an embroidered rabbit on it to wipe my eyes. “I’m still a little upset about everything you did, but…it doesn’t make me feel any better seeing you crying all the time either.” I think I stared for five minutes before I took it, thinking she’d throw it in the dirt or slap me in the face with it at any moment. I managed a noise. I couldn’t say “thank you” clearly. My throat was too cracked. But Fluttershy gave me a smile anyway and then went in. For about an hour…I felt a little better. Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 10 The “wood shop” finally got back to me with some suggestions. I started to use them for about 45 minutes. Then Applejack walked up. I tried to make myself “shrink” and not be seen, but she said she wasn’t there to give me any trouble. She just pointed out she has family members who know a thing or two about masonry and she can tell the shop students gave me bad advice on purpose. She also said I need to ask the principal if we have anything I can use for a scaffold if I want the bricks done right. I told her “I’m too scared to ask”. Well…I mumbled it. It took me three times before she heard me. Once she did, she said she’d ask for me and also say that Sunset Shimmer really doesn’t know what she’s doing and someone with experience has to at least supervise her. I managed another weak thank you, and she smiled at me kind of like Fluttershy did. I managed to stop crying for the rest of the afternoon after that. Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 12 My favorite leather jacket was ruined. All of the work I’d been doing, not to mention being “blasted”, got it all stained and torn. I figured I’d have to throw it out after this. I was getting the upper tiers of the bricks done when Rarity walked up to me yesterday. She kind of held her nose up, but she also said for me to give her my jacket. At first I thought she was just “taking it” so I took it off and let her have it. This morning she brought it back to me…looking like new. I didn’t understand. I asked why she was doing something nice for me after everything I did. I guess I was really asking for the girls too. She lowered her head long enough to smile at me and said: “That’s what friends are supposed to do, dear.” Are…they really trying to be my friends? Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 20 All done. The doors came in a couple days ago, got put in, and everything’s set. I’m finally ok to go back to class…well, relatively speaking. Now instead of just having every student walk by and shove me or throw things at me or give me dirty looks, I have to be surrounded by them too. Teachers don’t answer my questions when I raise my hands. Granny Smith pretends not to see me in the lunch line. People not only clear out of the tables I sit at; they clear out of the surrounding tables too. And everyone’s always staring at me… Some of them just look uncomfortable to have me around. Some of them just glare hatefully. I can’t say I blame them, but…to be honest, it still hurts. And every time they do, I keep thinking back to what Twilight said… How everyone has seen what I really am…and not a unicorn… That’s what that mirror was really trying to show me now. I wasn’t seeing some monster…well, I was, actually…but it was myself. Maybe at some point I could have become what Twilight is, but I rejected it all because I was too full of myself… I have no compassion…no understanding…nothing. Maybe that’s why she didn’t insist I come back to Equestria with her…because this is where I “belong”…a world where I have no magic and can’t hurt anyone… Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 23 I was in the hall today walking down when someone tripped me. I went on my face and my books flew everywhere. People stared, but I just picked them up and began to get up again…and someone came by and just knocked them out of my hands onto the floor again. No accident…they just did it and then looked at me as if to say “do something about it”. I bent over and started to pick them up again. While I did, another student’s foot came out and kicked my rear end, sending me back to the ground again. I still said nothing and tried not to cry… Then I heard someone. “Alright, everyone. You had your fun but this has gone on long enough. Leave her alone.” I didn’t look up, just kept picking up my books. Then a blue hand came down offering to help me stand up. I shrank back again because I recognized it: Rainbow Dash. She’s always talking about how she’d thrash anyone she didn’t like. Yet when I recoiled, she just sighed and rolled her eyes and told me she wasn’t going to hurt me. After about a minute I took her hand and let her help me up. She put my books back in my arms and said she wasn’t going to force anyone to be my friend, but if anyone harassed me again like they did just now, tell her. I was surprised. I asked if she was really willing to “look out for me”. She rolled her eyes again and said: “Well, duh.”, as if this was the most natural thing in the world. Is that what friends do? I guess it is… I mean…part of the reason I made people hate each other was because they’d stick up for each other if they didn’t… I…just never heard of anyone sticking up for me… Year of Celestia 1003, Late Fall, 30 Things have…really changed. I still get the stink eye from some people, but mostly it’s just down to uneasy stares and people wanting to avoid me. I don’t get picked on anymore. After I ran into Rainbow Dash, I started noticing things. When someone was getting ready to throw a paper airplane at me in math class, Rarity reached out and gave them a light “smack” on the head with her notebook. When someone in the hall was walking up to try and push me into the lockers, Fluttershy suddenly stepped in front of them and started showing them some picture of “adorable baby puppies”… When one of the football players “accidentally” threw a football at my head while I was walking outside, Rainbow Dash jumped out and snatched it out of the air before it could hit me. When I got cornered by some students and they started giving me a hard time, Applejack and her big brother walked up and asked if there was a problem and chased them off. And when some of the girls were gossiping about me where I could hear them, Pinkie Pie suddenly poked her head out of the garbage can and gave them a weird look that made them slowly walk away. (Don’t ask what she was doing in the garbage…it’s “Pinkie”. Everyone’s kind of used to it by now…) Finally, today Pinkie said her “unbirthday” party for her pet alligator was coming up and asked if I’d like to come. I thought it was a joke or a prank. But…I’m starting to realize it isn’t. After everything I did to these girls…after trying to kill them…they’re really doing this all for me. I don’t understand why or how…but… You know that “hollow” feeling I kept getting? It…actually felt a little less hollow… I felt kind of good… I still remember what happened to me when I was a filly…but I said yes. For some reason, I’m not as scared or nervous now as I was then. I don’t think these girls are lying… Year of Celestia 1003, Early Winter, 11 I guess I’m officially “learning about friendship” now. The girls do everything together now. I can tell they’re friends. But they always invite me along anyway. I guess…that kind of makes me their friend too. I say I don’t really “feel” like I’ve earned their friendship, but they tell me there’s only so much you can do to “earn” friendship. At some point it takes an “investment” from someone else to really start something. They’re showing me how I can start by trying to emulate them. Offer to help students. Smile and be nice. Ask people how their day was. Give someone a helping hand when they’re having a hard time. Make someone who’s sad smile. A lot of it is about being concerned with other people. I’m nervous about that, because I wonder who’s going to look out for me if I’m always worried about others. But…I think the girls already showed me the answer to that. If I’m looking out for them and they’re looking out for me, then we’ve got each other’s backs. Year of Celestia 1003, Early Winter, 26 I think I’m starting to get the hang of this. I already knew a lot about everyone else before this started…but now I’m actually trying to get to know them. It’s not exactly “easy”… The girls are the only ones willing to talk about themselves around me… But I think I’m getting better. I try to do what I can around them now. I offered to help Fluttershy build some animal nest boxes now that it’s getting late in the year, and to help Rarity carry materials for her fabric shopping near the holidays. I also gave Applejack a hand with her cider sales. I’m talking to the girls more and trying to help encourage them instead of the other way around. Rainbow Dash was mad because she twisted her ankle the other day playing hockey, and if she tried to play on it she might make it too bad to try out for soccer next year, meaning she’ll have to sit the season out. I told her it’ll be alright. Everyone knows she’s the best and now she has extra time to practice for the next soccer season. And I meant it too. She actually seemed to feel a little better after that… I also told Pinkie Pie that I really liked her pink lemonade cupcakes, but…I really can’t tell if I made her any happier for that because she’s always happy… It’s weird… I was trying to make the girls happy…but…I’m the one who felt like smiling afterward… Year of Celestia 1003, Midwinter, 9 Rainbow Dash says she’s “climbing up the walls” since she was forced to get benched for hockey season, and the last few home games got snowed out anyway, so she said she’d like it if we formed a band to pass the rest of winter away. She already gave it the name the “Rainbooms”. Actually, while I was still spending most of my nights at home alone, I used to practice a bunch on guitar… But I didn’t say that. Rainbow is so proud of her own guitar playing that I don’t want to look like I’m trying to supplant her… So when they asked, I just said I couldn’t really play or sing anything. Pinkie Pie said that was ok; I could be the band’s “roadie”. I asked what I was supposed to do. She said: “Mostly you just step out before the band starts to play and say: ‘Check one, two, three…’ into the microphone, and if it falls during a performance you have to run out and pick it up and give it back to who’s singing as fast as you can.” Seems easy enough… Year of Celestia 1003, Midwinter, 20 The band is still practicing, but there was a school bake sale for the holidays. I made some cupcakes for it and I offered them at half price before it was done. I sold a grand total of seven…three to the same person. You can guess who she and the other four were. I’m getting better at “not crying”. Just because I always feel terrible doesn’t mean I should show it. I’m not alone anymore, after all. Still…it was really hard when I offered one to one of the younger freshmen…Diamond Tiara, I think…and she made a big scene saying I probably put poison in it loud enough for a dozen people to hear. I had to excuse myself for a bit there… The girls said not to let it get to me. I’m trying. I really am. Year of Celestia 1003, Late Winter, 11 New Year’s Craft Fair came up. I showed up because Rarity is revealing her new line of spring wear even though winter still has a ways to go. Plus, Pinkie Pie was running a hot chocolate stand and she said I should come along to help her sell some and to make sure she doesn’t drink it all herself. Rarity's dresses were a hit… That is…they were a hit as soon as I found somewhere else to stand. At first she called me over, saying I’d create an “aura of popular opinion” or something by having people look interested in them. So I did. About an hour later…she “suggested” I go help Pinkie Pie when it turned out people were staying away from the area around me like it was plague infected. I don’t blame Rarity. I’m not mad at her at all. I know I deserve it and it's true… Still…I’m trying my hardest to get along with my friends. It’d be nice if I wasn’t “bringing them down”. As soon as I stood with Pinkie Pie, no one even came near my side of the stand, and they didn’t buy a single cup. She was selling them like hotcakes before. Just like last week when I went to the last hockey game of the season to cheer Rainbow Dash since she was well enough to play in that one, not only did no one want to be around me or join in when I cheered, they soon blamed me for lack of “oomph” because the other team, naturally, cheered louder… Didn’t help when one of the students from the other school bumped into me when I was leaving and said: “Hey, aren’t you that freak girl who turned into a demon a couple months ago? How come they haven’t buried you in an unmarked tomb already?” Year of Celestia 1003, Late Winter, 14 On break…and one last big snow is hitting us this year. This stinks. I’m stuck in my house…alone. I know I shouldn’t be sad. Moreover…I know I don’t have the right to be sad. But…it really hasn’t been that long. A lot has changed, but I still remember. Like I said…it feels like a bad dream…a nightmare…but it’s a really, really vivid nightmare. No matter what the girls say to me or what I do, I can still remember everything I was feeling and thinking back at the Fall Formal. How little all of the students I now want to accept me meant to me… How I could only grin as I thought of Canterlot burning… How I planned to look at Celestia’s broken body and demand that she kneel before me after all this time… Most of all…I know I planned on destroying the people I call my friends now. Nothing can change that. It keeps ringing through my head like the sentence of a judge. Everyone knows who I really am. And deep down that hurts more than any insult. If I knew it was just people “getting even” or not trusting me I could stand it, but… Was that horrible monster what I really am deep down inside? Is the only reason I didn’t become an alicorn human like Twilight did…because I’m really just a greedy little demon? What if that is what I really am? What if I’m lying to myself trying to be something different? What if that’s the reason I can’t fit in? Stay calm, Sunset… It’s only been a couple months. You can’t expect results overnight… Or overweek… Or overmonth… Or…overyear. Year of Celestia 1004, Early Spring, 2 The girls and I got back together to try out our first song after they’ve had weeks to practice. I didn’t really “play” of course…just watched. But I saw something amazing. For a moment, the girls started to turn into their Equestrian forms! (Oh, that’s what they became the night I…nevermind.) I don’t know how it happened. The best I can figure is that when Princess Twilight Sparkle united with them, she either transferred some of her alicorn magic into them or she somehow “transmuted” the friendship they had in this world into the same kind of Equestrian magic. Don’t ask me why it only comes out when they sing in the band, though… It’s really amazing any way you look at it. And…I couldn’t help but feel bad on seeing it. I don’t think its jealousy… It can’t be. Ever since the Fall Formal, yet another thing hanging over my head is what Twilight told me before we started… About how I had ruined this world so much without being able to do a basic cantrip, and how bad I’d be if I had my power to do magic as well… No…it’s not that. At least not directly… None of these girls were ever Equestrians, let alone unicorns. But they can do magic because of the power of their friendship. It’s what unites them together and makes what they have special. And…here I am. I go to their events, I help them with assignments, I hang out at slumber parties and their get togethers…but while they’re using Equestria magic I’m sitting quietly at the side… It shows the truth as plain as the nose on my face: I’m not “one of them”. I’m an outsider looking in. Deep down at the heart of it all…I don’t belong with them any more than I belong anywhere else. I’m as much of a fake at being a friend as I am at being someone who “rules the school”… Year of Celestia 1004, Early Spring, 27 Winter break helped “mellow things out”. Principal Celestia is back to talking to me like I’m a normal student again, at least. And no one teases me anymore…just looks at me like I’m going to bite them and turn them into a zombie if they let me get within five feet of them… I guess school is “manageable” now. There was actually a bit of an argument with the girls today. I confessed to them that I was worried about who I “am”…if what I used to do already defined me. They tried to reassure me by pointing out flaws in each other…like Rainbow Dash and Applejack are a bit too obsessed with winning and being “number one” from time to time and Rarity won’t stop thinking about fashion… Well, it kind of escalated from there… It broke up eventually, but I had to cover up my mouth in a hurry and duck out while they were still doing it. Otherwise they would have seen me smiling at the whole thing. Get this straight…it’s not because I thought it was funny or enjoyed watching them fight. It isn’t. It’s because I liked finding out that sometimes even the best of friends are “flawed” and don’t always get along. I don’t think I’ll ever be anything like them…but it gave me a bit of hope I just might fit in at school one day… Year of Celestia 1004, Midspring, 16 The girls agree that I’ve “improved” enough with them to try and go to others now…to try and make friends with more people. So the past week that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been offering to help out with studying or hard problems, giving a hand with projects, helping carry things when a student is loaded down and has a cafeteria tray…I’ve even tried to help the little kids use the water fountain. It’s no use. Some of them say a curt “no thank you”. Some of them look like I’m pointing a weapon at them. Some of them give me the cold shoulder. Some of the little kids…including the new students at school who found out about me…scream and run like I’m a witch from a fairy tale. I can’t blame them. Who am I kidding? I’m never going to live the Fall Formal down. Not if I stay imprisoned in this world for another 50 years. I can’t erase the fact that I broke down the front of the school and enslaved them all. I can’t erase how I used them…how I could have twisted them into demon servants…. I can’t stop seeing that horrible face every time I try to sleep… Year of Celestia 1004, Midspring, 30 I had to beg Principal Celestia for two weeks…and my friends had to back me up more than once…but she finally agreed to let me again handle the welcoming committee for school. I’m getting more than one dirty look already and I can hear them whispering behind my back, saying how I’m “going back to her old ways”. But nothing could be further from the truth. I guess I know “what it’s like now”, after all. Any time a new student came in I used to poison them against everyone else… Now it’s come around on me. Any time a new student comes in, the whole school does the same thing to me. The only chance I’ve got at ever making any new friends besides the girls and being treated like I’m not a black sheep is by welcoming new students into the school. Boy, is this ironic… I used to do everything I could to new students to terrorize them and get them under my shoes… P.S. Actually, I feel like noting something else today. I noticed this a month ago. I guess it’s the sort of thing only I would notice… Whenever I’m not hanging with the girls the only thing I can really do is sit around and watch people walk by or the grass grow… These three girls in hoodies keep walking by the school. They’re not students though. They always just look around a bit like they’re searching for someone… Weird. Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 4 Busy day tomorrow. Who would believe it? First time I’ve had one in a long while. A lot of tomorrow will be devoted to finishing up the banners for the upcoming school Musical Review this Friday. But after that’s done, and after I go to practice for the Rainbooms, I’ve got to hurry and get to the front of school. Vice Principal Luna is having me escort a trio of new students around. I got to make sure I make that on time. Not only do I need to give the vice principal a good impression, I need to make sure I get to them before any other student does and they “warn them” about me… I could skip practice, I guess. I mean…I don’t exactly need much practice being a roadie. I’m still waiting for Rainbow Dash to drop her mic for the first time… And it’s not like they need six people working on the banner… Not like anyone else is going to need my help. Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 5 Oh no…are we in deep trouble… This is the worst thing that’s happened since…well…me, I guess… Those three students can’t be human. To tell the truth, I kind of got a bad vibe from the first time I ran into them. They looked “different” to begin with…and they kind of reminded me about how I used to act… But I didn’t say or do anything then because I wanted to give them a chance just like the girls gave me a chance. All along though I knew something was wrong. That condescending attitude…the way they kept trying to tell the “loud” one in the group to shut up and how she kept saying odd things…and how they looked at all of us with that same look I used to give “fresh meat”… Only, in their case…they actually did look “hungry”… I didn’t want to start off talking bad about new students so I kept it to myself most of the morning. It wasn’t until lunch I admitted I didn’t feel too good about them to my friends. But what happened next was much worse than I thought. They walked in and just “broke out into song”. To be honest, the last time something like that happened was back when Twilight was running against me at the Fall Formal, but this wasn’t nearly as good. I could see it in the eyes of everyone around. They looked like they didn’t care about anything else in the world but those girls singing… It wasn’t anything to me or my friends, but…they were singing about things I used to care about…being “on top”…“number one”… And to my shock, everyone suddenly started arguing…almost fighting again…again, almost like back in the day when I ran things… But worst of all, this green mist seemed to leak out all over the place, but only the girls and I could see it. And it went right to their necklaces… I still remember how I gestured toward one before and their “ringleader”…Adiago…something. She looked like she practically wanted to bite my hand off when I was going to touch it… They got everyone demanding that we don’t do a musical review but some “Battle of the Bands” instead. A competition; although from the way everyone’s talking they make it sound more like a war… We went to Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna and I told them all about it, and…and… Well, the long and short of it is those things got to them first and sang to them, so they’re wanting a Battle of the Bands too. Ok…that wasn’t all. When I tried to tell them about what was going on... They accused me of trying to cause trouble. Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie assured me that whatever spell those things put on everyone, those two were under it too… But I wonder. What if this was just some “hidden feeling” that came out? What if that’s how they really thought the whole time and they’ve just been humoring me…? Anyway, forget that. The fact is this is bad. I vaguely remember one of my lessons back in the day about dark magical creatures. Things called “sirens”. These three act a lot like what Princess Celestia taught me… Of course, these aren’t “merponies”, but that doesn’t mean a thing. They’re using Equestrian magic, even if it’s dark, which means they came from Equestria. If they’re real sirens, they’re near immortal, which means it could have happened anywhere from a couple decades to a thousand years ago. I haven’t told the others…because I’m not sure they’re interested in hearing it from me… They’re talking mostly about while Twilight Sparkle would say…so I’ll just keep it to myself for now. But the fact is they want to have a Battle of the Bands which means somehow they’re going to feed more from something like that… Although it seems kind of weird. If all they wanted was a bunch of people to fight to give them something to feed, and they’ve been here for years, they could have done this long ago. Why now? Seems I might be a help after all this time, though. The girls need Equestrian magic to stop them and break the spell, which means Princess Twilight Sparkle needs to come back. But that mirror isn’t going to open for almost another two years and we can’t wait that long. But I still have my diary from when I was Princess Celestia’s student. You know…it’s kind of funny. I don’t know how many times I’d dig through my old things and find that and tell myself to throw it away or burn it. And yet I never did. Something kept telling me I’d feel more “alone” and unhappy if I did…that I’d lose a chance I’d never get back… I wonder…did a part of me really just want to stop being who I was and go home all along? I don’t know, but right now I just hope Princess Celestia still has her copy and that she’s willing to hear a “letter from a student”… I told her all the details. Everything that would help her conclude they’re sirens if they really are. Now I just have to wait and pray along with everyone else… P.S. One more thing confuses me, though… The girls are the ones who have the Equestrian magic in them, and by now we’ve reached the conclusion that this is keeping them from falling under the spell of those girls. Must be due to their friendship. So…how come I’m not affected either? Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 6 Well…Princess Twilight Sparkle is back. She looked as if my hand was going to claw her when I offered to help her up after she fell out of the portal in the statue for a few moments…but she ended up taking it. I think she agrees with the others that I’m “different” now. Wish I could say the same… Everyone’s happy and enthused now. They’re sure we’ve got things in the bag, and I guess I should agree… So why do I get the feeling that things are going to get worse before they get better? I guess I have good reason to. There was supposed to be a pre-Battle of the Bands party in the gym today; another suggestion of our new students, I’ll bet. (Twilight confirmed what I thought all along, by the way… They are sirens, which means the school is in big trouble…although I’m still wondering why here and now…) It drives me nuts to see Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna agreeing with them and praising them for every little thing as if they’re trained monkeys… Even at my worst I could never make them do what I wanted. Anyway, getting sidetracked… The girls tried to unite and take them out right then and there…but nothing happened. If that wasn’t enough, those three (call themselves the “Dazzlings”) milked the opportunity to make everyone madder, especially at the Rainbooms. It would have been great to break their spell there when all the students were around…but we have an alternate plan. Twilight’s an alicorn and she can write spells of her own. So…all she has to do is write a spell in the form of a song. Since the girls can transform while they’re playing, all they have to do is perform that song at the finals when everyone is together and everything will be fine. So now it comes down to Twilight making that song… She was going to sleep in the library like she did last time, but luckily Pinkie had a better idea. We were all headed to a slumber party at her house anyway, and seems like there’s room for one more. P.S. Something else I noticed. The Dazzlings used the failure as a chance to get more people mad, but I also saw them looking at the girls not in their normal “maliciously grinning” selves and say something to each other... It’s been so long and I was blowing off class at that point…but I thought I remembered hearing something about how sirens love to devour magic more than anything else… And I was wondering why they’re showing up here and now of all times… They couldn’t… Addition Just real quick because I need to get to bed. I don’t really know what to say…just… I was hungry so I headed into the kitchen around midnight when everyone else was going to bed and I saw Princess Twilight Sparkle there looking frustrated. We got to talking a bit, and…and I was a little surprised at what I heard. I went ahead and told her that I was tired of how everyone expected me to become a monster again at the drop of a hat, that no matter what I do they always see me for who I used to be… Turns out she’s actually got kind of the same problem. She says everyone always expects her to “take care of everything”, “have all the answers”, and “make everything better”. That they just need to rely on her and she can always be good and perfect and flawless. You know, when she put it that way, I guess being an alicorn princess isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Even back when that’s all I wanted…all I ever thought about was the power and dominion I’d have. I didn’t think of the fact that if I’m looking out for everyone, it’s a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. And I never really thought about how I and everypony (heh, been a long time since I said that word) would always just think: “Everything’s going to be alright. Celestia will fix everything.” And that’s what I would have had if I had gone through the whole way… You know, it’s not really any better to get stereotyped for “being good” than “being evil”. It’s still a stereotype any way you look at it. I guess…we’re more like each other than just having our special talent be magic. Who would have thought I actually have something in common with the princess? Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 7 Ok, correction from yesterday. I am definitely afraid now in spite of the Princess of Friendship being here. Frankly, we could use a little more from her… I don’t know if that charm is having a “latent” effect on everyone or if it’s just our little nuances coming out, but things are beginning to seem a little…testy. It didn’t help out this morning. We practiced Twilight’s first draft of her spell, and…er…aside from driving off pigeons and breaking glass, I don’t think that “spell” is going to have much of an effect. But we’ve got worse than that. Rainbow Dash is getting a little overbearing… I know she’s Twilight’s friend but I could see the look on her face yesterday when we decided she should be lead singer for the spell. She wants to show off her band during this event even though we should focus more on just stopping the Dazzlings…and it’s starting to bleed over. She always seems to get Applejack’s goat, but I can tell the only reason she’s not arguing with Fluttershy for not using any of her songs is because she’s so timid. Pinkie’s getting sick of all the work we’re doing any not having any fun while we’re at it, and all Rarity seems to think about is how our costumes…I mean, their costumes should look. We practically missed sign-ups for the Battle of the Bands this morning, and when we did get there, it seemed like we were everyone’s personal “band to beat”. Even to the point where they tried to sabotage the Rainbooms’ performance! Did they hate us that much after that failed spell yesterday? Or…does this have to do with the way they were looking at us? I don’t think they were that mad yesterday… The only thing making everything worse is that the girls are trying to “sing balanced”: enough to be good enough to get to the finals, but not good enough to where they show off their Equestrian forms early. But the Dazzlings have to already know about it. Everyone in school does… I tried to tell them that once or twice, but…I thought I’d just make some of the arguing worse… Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 8 This isn’t right…this can’t be right… We’re advancing through the competition, but…but honestly Twilight doesn’t look any closer to finishing the spell. The girls are getting worse. Whatever magic is protecting them isn’t impenetrable. I’ve kept my eyes open. (What else am I supposed to do as a roadie?) The Dazzlings are talking to everyone they can behind their backs. I don’t see the green smoke when they do…which means they have to be trying to get them against us. And I think it’s working. I thought Flash Sentry was all about Twilight…but even he’s turned against her now. Everyone just sees everyone else as an enemy now, but we’re the “worst of the worst”. I should say something… I should…but… But what does it matter? My little attempt to confront the Dazzlings today went horribly… I think they ended up forcing me in the same corner I forced Twilight less than a year ago…and they put out in the open what I’ve known all along: I’m no good to those girls. They don’t need me for anything. They can do the Equestrian magic without me…they can play the band without me…they don’t mess up enough to need me for anything… The only thing they’ve been doing for six months if pitying me and going out of their way to make me feel included… Giving and giving and giving… And what have I given back? What can I give back? The only thing I’ve ever given anyone is trouble. The only thing I’ve ever done for anyone is make them feel bad. I was a nobody before I had power over magic…and all these years later I’m still a nothing. With Princess Twilight around and the portal apparently open for good, I’m nothing but a “seventh wheel” to begin with… When this is all over everyone will love Twilight and the girls again…and I’ll be right back to being hated by everyone again. At least things can’t get any worse for me… Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 9 Me and my big mouth. This is what I get for trying to help my “friends” for a change… Even when I was “evil” I don’t think I was this hated… Semifinals were today. The Dazzlings beat the pants off of Flash Sentry’s band. That might be good(now he can be angry at them instead of Twilight…). It was up to us against Trixie’s group. (Sometimes I think that girl’s trying to take my old position…) But right before we went on, I saw it. Something got into Rainbow Dash. I don’t think they charmed her yet…but they did somehow bruise her ego and that’s just as bad. Before I knew it she was playing as hard as she could on stage trying to grandstand…enough to where she was starting to transform… I don’t know if the Dazzlings know about it yet, but if by some chance they didn’t, I couldn’t let everything be ruined… So…I panicked. I ran in and tackled her. A little too hard…I ended up ruining some instruments…not to mention almost everyone saw it. Soon everyone was staring at me as if they wanted to burn holes into me with their eyes. Flash…shouted something…that I don’t feel like writing down again… I keep telling myself he has every right when I used him…and that right now he’s just under their charm…but… Even the girls were mad at me. They said I should have done something else if I wanted to stop the performance. And they got at each other’s throats again…again over all that dumb stuff… It feels like I’m the only one who’s still 100% committed to stopping the Dazzlings…and if that’s the case we’re doomed. We’re playing into their “trap”. I know it… But…what can I do? When I tried doing something I just failed… Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 10 I got it. It all makes sense now… I guess I should start by saying where I’m writing this from…underneath the band stage. As for how we got here, it’s a long story but I’ll try to sum up. By all rights we should have lost yesterday to Trixie’s group after I messed the performance up, yet I saw the Dazzlings entice the Principal and Vice Principal again and when they did they declared us the winners. Naturally, this got everyone furious…especially Trixie. She vowed to get even right then and there. But I didn’t see why they hypnotized them anyway. What good would this do the sirens? Did they want more to feed on? How would it let them feed on us? The next day we set up to debut during the finals of the Battle of the Bands when Trixie got her revenge. She used the old trap door to get us stuck under the stage, where we are right now. The only door in must be barred from outside. And with everyone under their spell, no one’s going to break us out of here. Spike got free, but…he’s going to need more than paws to get us out… I had no idea what they were going for with this, but as the hours have passed and Trixie has set up above us and played in our place, I noticed tensions were getting high all around. Everyone was starting to drag up the same stupid stuff and got angrier and angrier. Then, finally, I've started to put it all together just a little while ago. We’re right here…under the stage…where the Dazzlings are going to perform. They’re sirens and they want Equestrian magic to “eat”. They want us here while they perform their “big finale” overhead…at the end of the Battle of the Bands…which has to be their “harvest time”. And here we are…hot…cramped…getting on each other’s nerves… They want us angry at each other… They want us to start fighting just like everyone else and No! I can see that same green mist coming from them! Leaking up through the floorboards… I might be the only one who can see it now... I’m the only one not arguing… I don’t care what they think…I’ve got to snap them out of this! Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 11 It’s past midnight, but…I’ve got to add this. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it… I guess…to start with…I just want to say I feel…good. A lot better than I've felt in a very long time. Maybe ever. The girls…the girls…no, I finally got them to stop fighting. I finally spoke up and said everything I’d been seeing. And when I confessed…to my surprise, Twilight admitted she was wrong about this, that she should have seen the goal was to feed on our friendship all along. There was a time I would have rubbed that in her face…but I didn’t want to. I really, honestly, truly didn’t want to. I just told her what I really felt: that she doesn’t have to have all the answers and that’s what we’re here for. At any rate, we all made up, got that green smoke to go away…(I said a prayer that the Dazzlings hadn’t gotten too big of a helping already…) and then Spike and the school DJ bailed us out. (Headphones… Why didn’t I think of that?) Again, I couldn’t do much as she set up some equipment for them, the girls “suited up”, and then got ready to sing. It was almost too late. The Dazzlings actually managed to turn into “half-sirens”…kind of like how the girls turned into half-ponies…and before I knew it this turned into a real “battle of the bands” as the girls transformed and began to fight it out with…well…I don’t know how else to say it besides "magic singing". They put their power together, and I thought I was going to see it as a “bystander” this time… But they did something bigger and better. They became even stronger forms and started using…I don’t know…something I can only call “rainbow power”… Even when the Dazzlings began to make little “magic sirens” of their own I thought they had this… And…then they lost. I didn’t know what to do or think. I could only stare. I thought Princess Twilight and the girls could do anything…that they were stronger and more powerful than anything or anybody… I didn’t want to think it was “over”, but I didn’t see anything else that could happen… Until I saw that mic land at my feet. I think somewhere in my head I thought of Pinkie saying the job of a roadie was to pick up the mic and get it back as soon as possible… Funny… First time I got to be a roadie, and I was only standing there staring, unable to do anything… Then the princess looked right at me. She said five words that I never thought I’d hear from anyone for the rest of my life… “Sunset Shimmer…we need you!” Someone needed me. I didn’t know what to do. I was more scared than any other time in my life combined. There I stood…a nobody…a monster…a demon…a failure in every sense of the word…someone getting by just on pity…someone who lived on the generosity of others and couldn’t do anything in return… But those words kept echoing through my head. Princess Twilight…who could do anything and beat anything…who got her power from her friends…was asking me for help. The only people she needed in her life were her friends…and she was saying she needed me. She needed her friend. My friend needed me. Then, suddenly…it was gone. I couldn’t see the demon in my mind anymore. I couldn’t feel heavy or small or cruel anymore…because I realize I didn’t care what happened to me. I didn’t care what I felt. I didn’t care what I was scared of. The only thing I could think of right then and there was that the school needed me. My friends needed me. Princess Twilight Sparkle needed me. And I wanted to stand and help them. And I knew that I wanted to stand and help them. Not because I wanted power…not because I was scared of myself…but because that’s what a friend does. I don’t even know where it came from. Was it magic? Was it a spell I tried to make myself at one point? Was it just my heart “making it up”? All I know is I took off my jacket, took up the mic, and I joined in. It wasn’t hard… Not at all…it felt like more than natural. It felt like it was the only thing in the world I could do at that point… And it fit in. Not too loud…not too soft…it just became “one” with the girls… There I was…singing right alongside them…giving my all…with them… And I realized something that almost made me want to break down again. I was one of them. It…felt wonderful. I thought it would be odd, but it wasn’t. It felt like I was becoming my “true self” when my hair started growing longer and I sprouted the same ears that they had. More than a unicorn…more than a human…more than anything I had ever been before or what I thought I had been… For the first time in my life, I was who I “should be”. They say there’s only six Elements of Harmony…but Princess Celestia said “it could have been either of us”. Maybe we “shared” the Magic Element for a moment…but I was one of them…and I could feel it. All of the love I had for them…all of the love they had for me…and for a moment we were all one. I felt it only a moment at the Fall Formal when it was strange and painful… Now it felt like we were “resonating” with each other and making each other stronger while we became stronger. I saw it…something totally new… A giant alicorn in the sky made of magic derived from friendship… My magic… Our magic. Princess Celestia…I think I finally understand why you always told me I’d never be anything if I didn’t learn friendship first and foremost… Well, needless to say…after that the spell was broken, the Dazzlings pendants were destroyed, and they were run out of town by the school. For a moment…I almost felt sorry for them. I mean, by all rights I should have been run out of town myself… But then I realized better. If there had been any “good” in them, then that spell would have brought it out like it did with me. Instead, the very first thing they tried to do was enslave the students again and feed off of them as soon as they had their power destroyed. That’s why Starswirl the Bearded banished them from Equestria in the first place. He knew that while most people in the world have the potential and even inclination to become good…there are a couple like them who’ll just keep hurting others. They may learn someday…but they can learn somewhere else. The rest of the night was a lot better. I mean…a lot better. I still can’t believe it. I’m trying not to tear up while I’m writing this…or just pass out from exhaustion. I thought there was such a difference between me and the girls that I couldn’t ever be anything like them no matter how hard I tried. That I’d always be an example of everything Princess Twilight Sparkle wasn’t. But…I guess that’s why I was protected from the Dazzlings all along too. I must have gotten the magic of friendship in me at some point. I still won’t say I’m anywhere close to the others and definitely miles from Princess Twilight…but…I think I took a ‘giant step’ tonight after months of ‘inching forward’. Year of Celestia 1004, Late Spring, 12 The princess is headed home again. Who would have thought…I’m as sad as the others to see her go and as happy as the others to know she can come and go whenever she needs to. I realize that also means I could “go home”…but I’ve learned something else by now. This is my home. I may have been the best at magic in Equestria but I’d trade that any day for the friendship I’ve found in this world. Besides…the princess doesn’t need another unicorn whose power is magic in that world. :) Things are looking up. Already, people aren’t giving me dark looks anymore…and I finally got a chance to show off my guitar playing. Heh…even Rainbow Dash had a hard time keeping her eyes in her head after my demo. Looks like I’m filling Twilight’s void in the Rainbooms. Seems I’m also going “back to school”. Not Canterlot High School…although I’m still in for now. I mean I’ve got another princess making me her personal “star pupil”. She tells me I must learn about friendship and report my findings back to her via that diary I have. She tells me the last student Princess Celestia gave that assignment to learned a ton from it, and I’ve got no reason to doubt her. But…that brings up one more thing. It’s been over five years now…but I’d like it if I had some closure. I left a door open in my life a long time ago…and I think it’s time I shut it now that I’m making a change. I already wrote it in my diary and asked if Princess Twilight could forward it to Princess Celestia. I’m sure she’ll get it…but I reprinted it here just so I could remember it all. Here it is: Dear Princess Celestia, I’m not really sure how to begin this. Trying to write to you as if this was like ‘old times’ is too much of a stretch. I know the last time we saw each other face-to-face, we didn’t exactly part on ‘friendly terms’…and it’s likely we’ll never see each other again… I don’t know if you’ll ever find it in your heart to forgive me, but even if I think you will I have no right to ‘presume’ it on writing you. But…here it goes… I wanted to say I’m sorry. I was wrong about everything…and you were right about everything. I had no right to be an alicorn princess. I didn’t even have a right to my own magic. You were trying to teach me what really mattered all along and I just threw it behind me. For years I thought the only way to respect and love was to be powerful. But all I was doing was being a coward…thinking the way to feeling good about myself and “safe” was in grinding other ponies into the dirt, both verbally and emotionally as well as physically. I only saw the reflection of an alicorn princess in that mirror…not seeing what was really behind it: a miserable, ugly demon. You saw all along what I was becoming, but…I was too afraid and too selfish to see it. You were right: Twilight and me may have “started out similar”, but it was always Twilight Sparkle who deserved to be the Princess of Friendship. I want to thank you for being more patient with me than I deserved. And I want to promise you I won’t cause any more trouble in this world. I won’t come back to Equestria. I have ‘real magic’ in this world…the only type of magic I never mastered on my own: friendship. I’m through boasting about my talents now, princess…but I’ll boast one more thing. I may never become a shadow of a pony like Princess Twilight, but I will “ace” the last exam you gave me. I’ll “master” friendship…and one of these days I hope you won’t think of me as a failed student but as one who had to “go overseas” to learn her last lesson. Someday I hope I’ll be someone you’re proud of. Your once-and-future faithful student, Sunset Shimmer It felt good to get that out. I don’t know if I’ll ever get a response, but…I feel I’m moving on a bit more because of it. I feel I’ve really shut the door to my old life, and to the mare I used to be. I guess a part of me really does want to go back to Equestria and a part always will, but like I said, I actually feel like this is “home” now. I guess wherever your friends are is where you can call home. Heh…I guess that can be what I learned about friendship for the next upcoming les There’s a response being written in the diary. I’ll transcribe… Dear Sunset Shimmer, Don’t think because I gave the diary to Princess Twilight Sparkle that I “gave up” on ever getting a response from you. After hearing what happened the first time she went through the Crystal Mirror, I thought she would need it more than me, which is why I gave it to her following her becoming the Princess of Friendship. You’re not the only one who is “still learning” after all these years. I’ve come to believe in Twilight the same way you have…that there is nothing she and her friends cannot do. That where even I cannot succeed, she will. I knew that as soon as she came back and told me how you had changed. And after returning to me a second time, I’m all the more convinced that giving her the diary was the best thing to be done. You could not have asked for a better “teacher” or a better friend. I am confident that she will succeed where I failed. And yes, Sunset…I did fail with you. Part of what you became is my fault. I thought that things like humility, compassion, and friendship were concepts to be “taught” like any other spell. But I was wrong. Twilight had to learn them for herself. I was able to give her a “nudge in the right direction” from time to time, but some things in this world cannot be learned from a classroom or a book. My biggest regret is that I had to fail you in order to master how to go about teaching Twilight correctly. That is where I fell short…and the reason I couldn’t stand to go into the mirror after you myself like I should have. If I confronted you…I would have had to face how I “messed up” with you as a “trial run” and then “refined my technique” with Twilight Sparkle. That was my greatest disappointment and my greatest crime. I hope you will forgive me for that one day. As to the rest of your letter… You saw a demon in that mirror, yes. You saw what was in your heart…what had the potential to come out of it. But never forget what you saw first. There was the possibility there that you would become a demon…and perhaps it’s still there to a much smaller degree…but do not ignore the fact that there was also the possibility that you would become an alicorn princess. And I assure you if you were to look in the mirror now you’d see an alicorn looking back at you. My guess is you’d see one who looks a lot less like a prideful, cruel despot and more of one who is kind, warm, compassionate, and devoted to others. After everything that has happened and everything I’ve heard from Twilight, I must also tell you that you’re incorrect telling me that I was right about everything. I once said that of the two of you, the only one destined to become a princess was Twilight Sparkle. You remember me saying that all too well, I’m sure. I was wrong. There was always the possibility that it could have been you…or both for that matter. And that possibility is more strong today than it ever was. I’ll close this letter with my final lesson to you that I hope you always remember – No one is a failure who has friends. Eternally yours, Princess Celestia I...guess I’ll have to ask Twilight to pass on a thank you next…but…maybe the princess already knows… She always did seem to have a way of “knowing things”. It’s getting late, so I’m going to call it a night and wrap this up. For the first time in a really long while, I’m actually looking forward to waking up tomorrow.