//------------------------------// // How's That for a Fall Formal? // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “WheeeEEEEeeels,” Trixie drooled. “Yeah, we get it already!” Daring grunted. She looked up to see another wheel levitating at a distance, directly overhead. “Yeesh. How many of these freakin' milk saucers are there?!” “...thirteen... fourteen...” Rainbow Dash murmured. “I count forty-two wheels exactly,” Maud said. “Judging from the acoustic resonance of this cavern, there are at least twelve more hidden from view.” “Wow...” Rainbow blinked. “You're certain you're not a sorter yourself?” “I don't have the horn for it,” Maud said. “I'm not a unicorn.” Wheeeeeeeeeeeels...” “I'm almost scared to see the bicycles that they belong to!” Pinkie Pie said. “Or unicycles.” She blinked, then gasped. Spinning to face the others, she clapped her hooves with a big grin. “Maybe there are giant rodeo clowns down here?!” “Please...” Rainbow shuddered. “I think we're all freaked out enough as it is.” “I'm not,” Maud said. “I find this quite stimulating.” “Okay then. Those of us with souls,” Daring said. “Hey!” Pinkie stuck her tongue out. “Don't be a meanie! Maud does too have a soul!” Maud nodded. “It's made of rocks.” “Wheeeeeeee—Ulp!” Trixie was silenced by a blue hoof. With a sigh, Rainbow gazed at the others. “Sooooooo... anypony have a good guess as to what the heck we're looking at?” “It's against vehicular regulation,” Daring said. “Judging from the size of them hubcaps.” “How about... y'know... a serious idea?” Rainbow glared. “You're the friggin' archaeologist.” “Ha! Archaeology?! 'Serious?!'” Daring smirked. “As soon as my mother found out I chose that over law school, she added a letter to her last name and disowned me.” “Well, for some odd reason, Noir chose you, so you gotta be good for something!” “Look... my knowledge of Dredgemane is foggy, but...” Daring tapped her chin in thought, her eyes nevertheless following the tranquil twirl of the multiple stone wheels high above. “Isn't it supposed to be built into the grave of some long-fallen dead horse god or something?” “Consus, the father of modern alicorns,” Maud said. “He perished due to atrophy and madness after being exposed to pure chaos.” “Ooooh! I know this one!” Pinkie grinned. “So right before his death Consus made a deal with the demon shadow lord of the Crystal Empire and had a bunch of metal basement floors built deep underground to house the spirit of a miscarried alicorn foal!” Maud blinked over the course of six seconds. “I believe Pinkie is mixing up her cosmologies.” “Is it really that hard for somepony to explain to me what I'm looking at?!” Rainbow grunted. “Mmrfffeeeehllffss” Trixie moaned into her hoof. “I mean besides that!” “I'm going with what Michigan said,” uttered Daring. “This is just the sort of bucked-up stuff you'd find in a dead alicorn's grave. Maybe there was something enchanted about Consus' bones that made all of these stone structures come to life.” “But, like... who built the wheels? Much less animated them?” “The world's really friggin' old, Champ. Odds are some arcane cult or another set up shop here and built these effigies in Consus honor.” “And then they what?!” Rainbow blinked. “They animated them into spinning tops in order to spread the misery of the old god's death?” “You're wrong! You're. All. Wrong!” Crackled a voice from above. “Gah!” Rainbow winced, instinctively hugging Trixie's limp body like a fuzzy blue throw pillow. “Who in the heck just shouted that?!” Daring asked. “I dunno!” Pinkie pointed high up. “Why don't you ask the mare flying above us?!” “Huh?!” Daring and Rainbow both looked up. One wheel in particular was levitating lower than the rest. As it spun slower and slower, a cloaked figure could be seen standing on the rotating surface. At last, the wheel came to a hovering stop, and the mare lowered her hood, tossing loose a fiery mane of red and yellow hair. “Mwahahahahaha!” The young unicorn cackled. “At last! Test subjects! You were foolish to follow my diabolical trail, but I'm sure I can make use of your otherwise worthless husks!” “Okay...” Rainbow groaned. “Is she for real? 'Worthless husks?'” “Oooh!” Pinkie bounced. “Can my husk be filled with candy?! Huh huh huh?!” Maud blinked. “Mine is filled with—” “We know!” Rainbow frowned, then craned her neck. “Lady?! What the hay is going on?!” “Welcome, my little ponies!” The mare cackled, waving her cloaked forelimbs. “Welcome to my LAIR OF DOO—” “And would you come down from there, please?” Rainbow frowned. “You look really stupid.” “Hmmmm-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!” The mare's eyes rolled back, then she grinned sadistically. “You must be new here. You see, I deliver the evil monologue, then you all try to defy me in vain, and then I make mince meat of your little pony bodies by grinding you to a pulp with my almighty DEATH WHEELS!” “Wow, you've got everything planned out already!” Daring grinned. “It's like I've already got an outline for my book's antagonist!” “Will you just...” Rainbow tossed her hooves. “Rrrrrrghhh—!” “WheeeEEEEeeeeeEEEEeeels!” “You are right about one thing!” The mare grinned as her platform loomed overhead, swaying left and right along with her diabolical grin. “I have planned for this! I've planned long and hard! For, you see, I once thought harmony and peace were the only divine truths that Equestria had to offer! But I refused to believe that life was so simple, and I left my foolish mentor to waste away in the Palace along with all of her vanglorious ideas! Lo and behold, within years I discovered this place, deep and hidden. I was actually in search of the enchanted means to dig my way into the well-guarded basement of Canterlot Castle, but instead... the most fortuitous thing chanced my way.” She levitated a granite dragon's tail from beneath her cloak. The thing resonated with bright, strobing energy. Rainbow twitched. She reached a hoof back to her saddlebag, though she didn't say a word. “I found this on the black market! And with it now empowering me, I've commanded these wheels to life! They shall be my soldiers... my acolytes of evil! I will unleash chaos and destruction upon the surface world, the likes of which have never before been witnessed!” She stood up on her hind quarters, bellowing to the cavern's ceiling. “And soon all of Equestria will know the name of its one true ruler, Sunset Shimmer!” The unicorn cackled and roared for a good ten seconds. Her voice echoed, and then all was silent. Rainbow blinked. “... ... ...Who?”