Six
“And we’re back ladies and gentlemen, after that last match I feel the need to let you relax a little with people who are smooth, cool, and in charge. In this match we’re going to be testing the abilities of three well known spies. Unfortunately James Bond himself was busy, so we’ll start our introductions with a man always known to hit his target Sterling Archer!” Spike yelled into the microphone, Twilight groaned at the pun but kept her eyes on one of the Arena floor. A man in a black turtleneck rose out of the ground on a small platform and looked over the audience with a raised eyebrow. “The other two contenders are both fairly young, but Pinkie and I feel that they have enough experience saving the world and stopping the threats of madmen to be considered for the honor of Best Spy, who isn’t named James. First allow me to introduce you to the girl responsible for saving her earth from multiple mad scientists and even an alien invasion, Kim Possible!” The next person to step on stage was a woman in what Twilight assumed to be her early twenties.
“Wait I have to fight a seventeen year old, you’ve got to be kidding me?” Archer asked Spike, Twilight winced; she still wasn’t very good at measuring age of humans.
“Oh please I fight better people then you every day.” Kim said apparently unfazed by his disrespect.
“You won’t be fighting each other until the last part of the match anyways, and trust me Archer she can pack a punch. On to our last contender…” Pinkie said turning to a third dais rising from the floor. A man who looked a little younger than Archer stepped off of it; he had blonde hair and a slight smile.
“He has taken on international terrorists and world destroying scientists since he was fourteen while he worked for MI6, Ladies and Gentlemen Alex Rider!” Spike said into the microphone, Alex waved to the crowd eliciting cries of support.
“Well this is going tons of fun; I didn’t even get a drink before this…” Archer said “Alright let me slaughter the two minors so I can go get a beer.” Alex and Kim exchanged glances; they knew who they’d be gunning for first.
“Well like Pinkie said your first two challenges won’t be fights in fact they’ll be fairly non-violent. Your first challenge is to get to the end of the hallway that has just appeared behind me in under ten minutes.” Spike said gesturing towards the now visible length of hallway. “The audience can see through the walls and ceiling, they can also see every one of the traps and that await you inside, death takes a point off of your overall score of course.” As Spike said it Twilight gasped, the interior of the hallway was filled with spike pits, rotating saw blades concealed behind false walls, and a grid of light beams that ran along the floor, the purpose of which Twilight couldn’t discern. Twilight noticed that another wall had appeared behind them effectively trapping them in the hallway
“Alright I’ll go first; my turtleneck will give me the edge.” Archer said stepping up to the line. He scanned the seemingly empty hallway with a cynical eye before reaching for the line launcher from his pocket. He looked for an appropriate spot to send the line and quickly found one, one end of the line shot into the opposite wall while the other end shot into the wall behind him. “Now this is going to be fun.” He murmured to himself as he pushed a button on the launcher and began to move rapidly down the hallway safely suspended from any dangers.
“Two minutes” Spike read “Although we were hoping to see more acrobatics in this round.” Archer shrugged; he figured no one could beat his time.
“I’m next then.” Kim said stepping up to the line; that was other part of Archer’s strategy; he’d managed not to trigger any traps so that his two competitors would have a much harder time. Kim crouched in an athletic position before moving forward with a quick initial bound. Twilight watched her heart in her throat as the girl ran, jumped, somersaulted, and flipped through the trapped filled hallway. She seemed to pick up on hidden clues along the way because she only sent off one trap which was a spike pit which she easily jumped over; she was barely out of breath when she crossed the finish line.
“Four minutes.” Spike told him after looking up from his watch. Archer raised his eyebrow at her and asked.
“You’re a cheerleader?” Kim nodded and replied.
“It helps me keep in form.” Archer nodded before turning his eyes to Alex
“Let’s see what the British kid can do.” Alex approached the line and sighed, he wasn’t great at time trials but he could do it when it counted. He stepped over the line and began the newest mad dash of his life; he also managed to set off every trap possible along the way. He ducked under saw blades, jumped over spike pits, and avoided the darts that shot out of the walls when he stepped into one of the beams of light at the end. Needless to say if he wasn’t essentially immortal here he never would have risked the path he chose, but time was of the essence.
“Six minutes, not bad for taking the suicide path.” Spike said marking something on a piece of paper. “The scores as of round one are Archer nine, Kim eight, and Alex six.” The room that they were standing in changed immediately. “For your next test we’ll assume that you were uncovered, you’ve been dragged into this room to be beaten to death by a gang of thugs. You will be blindfolded and gagged along being forced to your knees and having your hands handcuffed behind your back. Your goal is to escape the room, enemy causalities can be as high or as low as you would like, your only real condition is that you get it done in fifteen minutes. Archer because you had the best time on the last challenge you can go first.” Spike finished as the room around them filled with a black mist. When the mist cleared Spike, Pinkie, and the other two contestants were watching from behind sheet of a one way glass that offered a perfect view of the scene before them. Archer was indeed bound, gagged, and blindfolded with ten thugs standing around him, including one who held a baseball bat.
“Luna, how can they expect anypony to get out of that?” Twilight asked her marefriend who was sitting next to her, Luna held up a hoof for silence. Archer’s hands fiddled with the hand cuffs for around twenty seconds before he had them off, before any of the thugs knew what was happening he had the blindfold off as well. Three of the thugs charged him head on, Archer swayed to the side and broke the first one’s neck as he passed with a quick karate chop, the second pulled up in time for Archer to lash out with a savage kick to the man’s groin and as he fell to the ground gasping in pain Archer grabbed the last man’s arm as it shot towards his head and snapped it upward.
“I’m on a rampage!” he said calmly as two more mooks charged him, with a flick of his wrist he sent the man who’s arm he’d broken flying into the new threats before ducking under the blow of the man who he had kicked in the groin. “You know my day was going pretty well till now all things considered…” He said to one of the henchmen as he smashed his head into the floor “…I was surrounded by beautiful women…” another two henchmen went down as he punched the first in the mouth, and the second one in the nose “…and I was just about to get a drink, when I find out that I can’t compete unless I’m sober…” he kneed a mook in the face after he’d punched his fist deep into the mook’s stomach. Twilight heard the sound of teeth breaking, and almost looked away, but the action was so interesting she couldn’t help but watch. Soon the only mook left conscious or alive in the room was the one holding the baseball bat who approached Archer slowly holding the bat at the ready, before he could do anything however Archer shot him in the face with a gun that he’d pulled out of his pants. “I swear I had something for this” he said to himself the entire process had taken five minutes. He walked over to the thug with the baseball bat and searched his pocket’s quickly revealing the key to the door at the other end of the room. He pushed the key into the lock and stepped through the door.
“Five minutes thirty seconds, well done Archer, I especially liked the running commentary you added.” Spike said appearing in front of Archer “But where did you get the gun?”
“I never leave home without my underwear gun; you never know when the girls that you just hired will turn out to be double agents.” Archer said with a slight smile, Kim shivered visibly disgusted.
“Maybe after this is over…” Archer said fixing her with a smile.
“I’m already spoken for thanks.” Kim said crisply “And aren’t I a little young for you?”
“Are you legal?” Archer replied; Kim glared at him refusing to answer “I’ll take that as a yes, look me up if you’re ever in my dimension.”
“Ok moving on...” Spike said breaking it up before Kim could clock him. “Kim you’re up next.” Kim nodded and the mist returned before she too found herself on her knees surrounded by mooks. Thinking quickly Kim picked the lock of the cuffs with a hairpin that she’d been saving for the purpose and leaped to her feet. The mooks charged her all together now, weaving in and out of the random thugs Kim uppercuted a guard in the face before lashing out with her fists and bringing another to the floor. Moving quickly Kim knocked out the baseball bat wielder with a well timed sucker punch followed by a knee to the head; she then quickly grabbed the keys and made her escape from the room. “Wow Kim three minutes two seconds you beat Archer’s time by a lot!” Spike told her shaking her hand with his small clawed one, the crowd was staying silent for this match, Twilight didn’t know why, but a hush had descended upon them.
Alex stepped forward and yet again the room was filled with the mist, when it cleared Alex was in the same position the other two had started in. With the same ease that the others had managed Alex picked the lock on his handcuffs, Twilight assumed it was a spy thing. The guards looked at him before two smiled evilly and advanced slowly towards him their steps measured and solid. Without warning one of the henchmen swung his leg out violently towards Alex’s head, Alex dodged the blow and closed on his attacker rapidly. He swayed around a punch before slamming his own fist into the enemy’s chest sending him stumbling backwards. Alex followed up with a strong kick to the henchmen’s face, displacing several teeth; the other mook looked a bit more worried after this but came in swinging. Alex stopped the thug’s fist inches away from his face before he ducked underneath it and riddled the thug’s chest with punches. The rest of the fight went much quicker the mooks were apparently angry at Alex for taking down the first two and it showed, he slid around their fists and kicks with a calm grace, his mind calmly predicting each move as it was made against him and responding in kind. Kim was almost speechless and Archer let out a low whistle, even he admired fighting skills like that especially in someone so young. The final guard to fall was the baseball bat wielder whose head hit the ground with a thud. Alex exited the room in just under six minutes.
“The score for that round is Kim nine, Archer eight, and Alex seven and a half.” Spike announced to the crowd who were still oddly muted.
“Luna, should I still be holding my breath?” Twilight asked Luna quietly as she exhaled.
“No, but this is an interesting match, not as action packed as the last one, but it’s more subtle and thus just as engrossing.” Luna whispered back. The current arena floor disappeared and was replaced by a boxing ring lined off with thick ropes.
“For this final section of the match you will be required to fight without the assistance of any of your gadgets, weapons, or other assorted doodads. Any use of such items will have you booted, please empty whatever you’re equipped with into this plastic box, all will be returned once the match is over.” Spike told the three, they nodded and began the long process of relinquishing everything that they’d brought with them. All in all it took around fifteen minutes before they’d emptied their pockets completely of guns, gadgets, and other assorted items, throughout it those fifteen minutes the crowd somehow managed to remain silent. “Because they’ve both won their matches Kim and Archer have the right to choose who they want to fight first.” Spike said after clearing his throat.
“Him.” Said Archer pointing at Alex immediately, drawing shocked glances from Spike Alex and Kim.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why choose him?” Kim asked uncertainly, Alex looked just as confused.
“Because Princess he’s more dangerous then you are, I’d rather knock him out of this fight early on then take you on.” Archer said there was an odd note of respect that sounded slightly out of character for Archer as he looked at Alex.
“We have our first match” Spike said as the two men approached each other from opposite sides of the ring. Archer struck first, a strong right hook, Alex blocked it easily with his left hand before he kicked Archer in the chest. Archer took a step back, but came forward again no worse for wear; a small smile flickered across his face. Alex stepped forward and with a confidant smile on his face he started a short barrage of punches and kicks trying to break through Archer’s defenses. Archer blocked each and every punch before catching the final kick and sending Alex into the ropes along the edge of the ring. Alex got to his feat and rubbed a trickle of blood away from his nose.
“You’re good.” Alex told Archer evenly as he approached again.
“I’ve been doing this for a long time, speaking of which how old are you?” Archer asked Alex as he slipped through Alex’s guard and sent him flying backwards with an uppercut.
“I’m seventeen.” Alex said as he painfully got back to his feet, Alex feinted a right hook and followed up with a low kick with his left foot. Archer deflected the punch and took the full brunt of the kick effortlessly, he countered with a vicious punch to Alex’s jaw, and Twilight heard Alex’s teeth clack together, she winced.
“Luna is this necessary? He obviously can’t fight Archer!” Twilight asked Luna in a concerned whisper.
“Twilight once something like this is begun it cannot be ended by simply giving up, it would dishonor both Alex and Archer to do so now, this is a custom that I’m all too familiar with.” Luna whispered back to Twilight “Besides they’re men you can’t talk them out of something like this.” Alex rushed Archer all of his other plans had failed and he was out of other ideas. Archer sidestepped and tripped Alex as he was running fast before Alex could get up from the floor Archer slashed his foot out and brought it down hard on Alex’s neck. With a sickening crunch Alex’s body lay still at Archer’s feet.
“Winner Archer, prepare for the final match.” Spike intoned into the microphone as Alex rejoined the land of the living with a shocked jump.
“You’re going down hard Archer!” Kim told him with quite venom in her voice.
“I can’t take you seriously, so let’s just skip the prefight name calling ok?” Archer asked her as they circled each other wearily. Kim jumped forward and lashed at Archer’s head with her fist. Archer ducked under the blow before sucker punching Kim sending her staggering backwards. “I’m going to guess that you’ve never been trained to kill have you?” Archer asked her as he blocked another two punches.
“No I haven’t…” Kim responded as she spun sideways and kicked Archer’s legs out from under him “…Then again I don’t need to too take down guys like you!” Archer started laughing as he got easily to his feet.
“You really think so don’t you; you’re one of those little goody two shoes who think that you can stop any threat without killing, people like you always make my day.” Archer said as he caught her with a punch to the stomach.
“People with no respect for human life make me sick.” Kim responded punching Archer in the jaw and temporarily staggering him. “People like you are the reason that I became a spy in the first place.”
“I’m a spy to you idiot, I save lives all the time, I just happen to get laid more then you.” Archer replied while he broke through Kim’s guard with a fierce kick and flowed through with a headbutt and then a left hook to the face. Kim went down heavily, completely out cold. “This is why we get ants.” Archer said gesturing towards Kim’s prostrate body
“The winner is Archer!” Spike shouted, to Twilight’s amazement most of the arena erupted into applause. Archer held out his hand and a full wine glass appeared in it, he took a sip before vanishing back into the arena floor. From the other side of the room Twilight heard the blonde man who had come in quietly earlier crying softly.
“Are you ok?” Twilight asked the man compassionately, he looked up and met her look and his features softened.
“Yeah, that’s the first time KP’s ever really lost, and that man didn’t deserve to win!” he said passionately, from behind him Kim appeared and caught the man in a hug.
“Hey Ron, how bad did it look up here?” she asked him, her voice cracked a little in the middle.
“Up until the end you were amazing Kim, that stupid, arrogant son of a bitch had no right to beat you!”
“Ron I got beat, plain and simple, we just weren’t in the same league.” Kim shushed him.
“Yeah I know I still feel like you should have kicked his ass.” Ron sighed.
“Live and learn Ron live and learn, although if I ever see him again I’m going to slug him” Kim said shrugging.
“We will have a short intermission before our last event tonight, the Dragon Rider’s Challenge.” Spike said into the microphone.
AN
Sorry guys Archer is far more experienced and is absolutely ruthless. Also sorry for putting off the dragon riders fight which should hopefully be awesome enough to top the Chief vs. Samus