//------------------------------// // Revenge is a Dish Best Served Wubs // Story: Of Wubs and Men // by MoltenXKid //------------------------------// “Tesla, I feel bad…” I spoke out loud to my house system. “Why, sir?” she responded. “Two days ago, Vinyl had a rough day with her story and heat.” I explained as rubbed the back of my neck, “You know what I did? I turned it into a joke.” You really need to get laid. “I don’t have a programmed response for that, sir.” “I bet she feels real bad…trapped in that room all alone. Hmm…Tesla…authorize Vinyl for administrative control.” “Are you sure, sir? She will have all the privileges you do.” “Yes I am. She needs to have some freedoms in that cage she calls a room.” “Vinyl Scratch now has administrative control over my system.” I tried to watch T.V, but it was the same old thing- murders, schemes, war, etc. Well one thing that caught my eye. Some dude married his pony helpmate. I only caught the end of the story, but the reporter said they were happy, so I guess it worked out. I also tried making more tunes for an album, yet everything sounded…terrible. Not like what I usually made; it was garbage. I just gave up and closed my laptop. I continued to sit in my empty house with nothing to do for more days as Vinyl stayed in her room longer than what I was told. I got so use to her being around filling the void that I forgot about how alone a person could get. I was stuck in my own cage of boredom with no one to free me. Chloe still hadn’t recovered from the mall, my bros were busy with their jobs, and Anastasia had her club to run. I had to resort to talking to my housing system. “Tesla, why did Derpy bite the shark?” “Why,sir?” “Because it had a muf-FIN!” I had to admit that it wasn’t my best joke, but the system could have responded instead of leaving the room silent, “You don’t talk much Tesla.” “My settings are not set to conversational. I’m set in standard mode. Plus, I haven’t been updated since I was installed, sir.” “How many updates have you missed?” “Twenty- five, sir. You never checked to turn on automatic updates." Oh…well, change settings to conversational, and update yourself.” “Yes, sir. The updates will cause me to go offline for a while. Do you need anything before I update?” “Order a pizza…Veggie pizza.” I told while readjusting Vinyl’s glasses, “Vinyl might come out, and she’ll be hungry.” “Pizza has been ordered from Marti’s Pizzeria. It’ll be here in two hours. They are busy.” I heard the sound Tesla shutting down then her standard voice talked, “This system will now shut off while being updated.” After that, I was completely alone. I didn’t want to leave the house and leave Vinyl alone. She would need someone when she came from her room. So, I did the only thing a guy does when he is alone- mess about. First, I filled up water gun, aimed it out my upstairs window, and doused my neighbor’s cat. When that got boring, I walked to my refrigerator. It was pretty empty except a few mismatched foodstuffs. I grabbed some marshmallows, chocolate, and pre-popped popcorn. I mixed the food together and put it in the microwave it. When my creation was heated, I topped it with whipped cream. I grabbed a handful and took a bite. It was good, but I quickly got tired of it. I walked to the living room filled up on my diabetes inducing treat. Passing by the hallway, I thought heard rustling from Vinyl’s door. I turned my head to see, yet I tripped over my own feet and fell. I laid there for a while thinking about my own failure. I wasn’t hurt, well except my pride. From my position on the floor, I saw a deck of cards underneath my sofa. Instantly, the idea of a card tower came into my mind. Slowly and carefully, I stacked the cards until my tower was five cards high. My mind was so focused on the cards and not tipping them over, I didn’t notice when Vinyl opened her door. “Careful…don’t breathe too hard…or else the cards will fall…” I whispered to myself. “Fall? Oh, you mean like this?” It was as if life was stuck in slow motion. A gust of air blew hard as if to disturb a peaceful journey of sailors. I saw the first of the cards blow into the middle; it tore a path through its layer of the tower. The shockwave flowed causing each card to fall from place. The aces, kings, queens, jacks, and even the joker had no power against the air. All fell to its mercy. I reached my hand out to grab them…I don’t know…somehow save the tower, but it was futile. As if water through my hands, the cards flowed. Soon, they all hit the table with a soft, agonizing pat. Hours of work lay before me. My heart broken just a little; I felt a tear forming at the corner of my eye. “Vinyl! You’re finally out!” I hollered, recovering quickly from the tower, “I just wanted to say that I’m insanely sorry.” I opened my arms wide for a hug leaving my torso open. Vinyl took full advantage of this. She took a stance, folded her hand into a fist, moved her arm back, and then struck. I felt the full force of Vinyl’s punch fill my torso as all the air left. I stood there trying to comprehend what happened, yet my body collapsed before I could. The pain was making want to cry, yet any movement brought me great pain. It took me a while to recover enough to speak, “May I ask why you did that?” It still hurt to speak. “I knocked over your cards as an act of revenge. You made a joke of me during my hard time.” Vinyl responded as she brushed of her knuckles. “Then why did you punch me?!” “No one wears my glasses, bro.” She reached down to me, pulled off her glasses, wiped the lenses, and put them on. I must say, they looked a lot better on her than me. “Well, now that everything is behind us, we can start fresh.” I stated while rising from the floor; Vinyl helped me to my feet and then looked me in the eyes through her shades. “It’s not behind us. Knocking over the card house was just the beginning.” She began walking away from until she reached the kitchen and took a bite of my food creation, “A mare’s heat is no laughing matter. That joke you made…won’t go unpunished.” “Come-on, mate. I apologized.” “And I accept you apology, but revenge must be had.” “It was a simple joke…” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She seemed more serious than I have ever seen her. “And this is too. You know those extra days I spent in my room? I was devising a plan. A full plan of revenge. Trust me; nothing too bad is going to happen. We’re friends and, I’m not that evil. But, I will get a couple of laughs from it.” “What did you do?” I asked becoming scared. “Hmm…I’ll tell you the biggest part…the extravaganza!” Vinyl reached in her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. She began unfolding it until it became a full size crudely drawn poster. I was on one side while she was on the other. “DJ Pon-3 vs. DJ Helix in an all out battle of systems!!” “Hey! I’m not that fat!” The picture of me was unbecoming. If I looked close enough, I think she gave me demon teeth and multiple chins. “Besides, where are you going to find a place to host this ‘battle’.” At that moment, my cell-phone went off. I answered it to hear a familiar voice on the other end. As the voice talked, I couldn’t help but stare at Vinyl in disbelief. That mare…was a force to reckon with, and my stupid self decided to mess with her. At that moment, I knew I fucked up. “How did you get Ana to host the event at her club? You don’t have her number.” “Remember, Mason…you gave me administrative access. All your contacts were open game.” “Jesus Christ…who else did you call??” The corner of her lips moved until her own devilish smile appeared, “Maybe you should go answer the door.” Almost as if God decided it would be a fun time to play the Coincidence Game, my doorbell rang. I told Tesla to open the door, but I forgot she was still updating. I manually had to open the door like they did back in the old days. The walk to the door was filled with anxiety since I didn’t know who was on the other side. The doorbell rang again, only fuelling the tension. My hand reached for the door knob; I could feel Vinyl’s eyes on me. With a deep breath, I opened the door. “My little love muffin! It’s been so long since we’ve seen you! Harold, look at your son! He’s grown so much since we last time! Oh my! Look at your eye! Who hit my little man?!” Vinyl, my parents, and I sat at the kitchen table. I put on my best face to look as if I was happy to see them, which I was, but my parents were…a drink that you need days to prepare for. My mother, overly cheerful, decided to show Vinyl photo albums filled with my awkward raisings. My father, seemingly not enjoying his situation, constantly checked his phone for stocks or looking for business to take him away. Ever since I could remember, he was always busy, yet would take any opportunity to rest. Vinyl…the devil Vinyl, looked over my baby photos with a smirk on her face. Her revenge plan set in motion. “This photo was taken on Mason’s seventh birthday…oh that was the day he decided he was old enough to carry his own cake. Little did he know that a four layered cake was too heavy for his wittle arms. He collapsed and got chocolate cake all over himself.” “…and the floor.” My father added not looking from his phone, “Took hours to clean up.” They all seemed to be enjoying the situation at my expense. Don’t get me wrong, I love going through memories, but when you know you have a conniving pony in the room, you don’t want anything crucial exposed. At every picture that piqued her interest, she would point at, and then my mother would explain the story behind it. “Oh that one! One of my favorites. Mason wasn’t always into music. In middle school, he loved the stage. Participated in almost every play. In this one, he played Romeo in Romeo and Juliet. You should have seen the kiss scene! So cute!” “Mom…please…” “You know you liked it. You could see the blush from the back of the audience.” “Could I ask who he kissed?” Vinyl asked. “Some girl…uh…hmm…” “Anastasia?” “Oh no…she didn’t get to act, that poor child. She studied her part for weeks, yet came down with a cold. Couldn’t do it.” They continued talking and examining photos. I only sat there in thought. My parents came all the way from Atlanta to California to see me. Vinyl apparently told them I missed them dearly and needed to see them. Smart pony since my mother would rush to my aid in an instant. My father would have told me to man up. Though, it wasn’t their visit that surprised me the most. It was how easily they accepted Vinyl. No questions. No awkward stares. No nothings. They accepted her as if she was just part of the family. Well, my parents were always a weird bunch. My mother a new age hippie and my father a devote business. Opposites attract, I guess. “Please…tell me about this picture!” Vinyl pleaded , pointing to a picture of me in a tub. “That’s when Mason and Ana were wee babies. When taking a bath together wasn’t sexually awkward. I think I have a picture of Mason’s light brown, baby butt cheeks. Wanna see?” After I saw Vinyl nod, I moved to close the book, but before I could, I felt my father’s dark hand grab me. I looked towards him as he motioned towards the living room. I didn’t want to go; I wanted to stop them from finding the photo, but I was taught not to disobey your father unless necessary. I hesitantly followed him to the front door. He stepped outside, and I followed. He let out a sigh as he sat down on the stairs. “Sit down, son.” His deep voice commanded, “We have to talk.” “It’s about Vinyl, isn’t it?” I stated in a low voice. I sat down beside him. “Yes, but don’t fret, boy. It isn’t bad at all.” My father wrapped his arms around me in the first real embrace we had in years. “You…have to tell me…where did you found Vinyl Scratch?!” “….Uh…” I was dumbfounded. He somehow knew her name seemed excited. “I ordered her…from this place called Vogon Biotech.” “So she’s a helpmate?” My father took his arm from around me, twisted it; and with a click, he took it off, “That’s better…these things get annoying sometimes, especially when it is running low on power. I can barely move it.” That’s a sign I noticed on my father. When he became really relaxed, he would take off his prosthetic arm. It was subtle, but when he did, all the business related items on his mind drifted off and he truly was at peace. “I thought she was, but…she’s more than a helpmate. Dad, she’s the Vinyl Scratch! Not some cheap rip-off. There’s no wires…no electronics…she’s flesh and blood. And she’s not the only one. I don’t know, but I think the Main Six may be here too. If I got a background pony, some guys in the world probably ordered them.” “This is great! Ponies in reality! We always knew this would happen!” “We?” “Oh …well…yes son We. As in Bronies.” My father opened his wallet and handed me a picture of him and my mother in their younger days. They, both dressed as ponies, were at some convention. “ Your mother and I never told you, but we were avid watchers of My little Pony. We met at Bronycon. When you came along a couple of months later, we decided to straighten up our acts. In hindsight, it was a stupid decision to keep you away from something so amazing. Though, it seems we couldn’t. It found you anyway. Perhaps, it’s genetic.” “You learn something new every day…” “Yeah…those were good times.” My father began reminiscing, yet quickly came back, “So…are you and Vinyl…” “No, dad. We’re only friends.” “Damn. I was thinking you broke up with Chloe. Why son, why? Why don’t you just go with Anastasia? Instead of wasting time, just ask her out. We both know it’s coming.” “Why does everyone think that?” I jokingly pushed him. “Ya know we aren’t getting any younger. We need our grandchildren.” “Come on, old man. I bet the ladies are missing us.” I stated as I stood up. My father did as well and put his arm back on. “You know…you never told me how you lost your arm.” “I'll tell you once you tell me who gave you that shiner." I rubbed once he questioned it. Even though it had been a couple of days since the fight, my eye was still tender to the touch. "It was just a random bar fight. I don't really remember the guy." "Well that's not worthy of my tale, son, but I will say that you shouldn’t rock climb without the correct equipment.” As we walked back into the house, we heard a car pull in front of the house. Out of it came a teen holding some pizza boxes. He double checked the address then quickly ran to us. He explained why it took so long, among other problems, and then said our pizza was complementary. My father, being ever so generous, opened his wallet, handed the teen a fifty as a tip. The kid seemed to be elated and had a slight pep in his step as he walked to the car and drove off. As a habit, I always made sure to check everything I ordered. “Dammit! They gave us Meat Lovers!”