Why Pinkie Pie Isn't Allowed To Watch 'Star Wars' Anymore
I
Earth. Pinkie bounced out the back door of the Dashell home cheering wildly. "Most awesome movies ever!" She exclaimed. "...Note to self: Figure out how to build a lightsaber."
"You with a lightsaber!?" Applejack said as she followed Pinkie out the door. "Tarnation girl, that's a horrifyin' thought."
"Totally." Twilight agreed. "Though I have to admit, I agree the films were good."
"I just wish you all could've stayed awake for the whole marathon like I did!" Pinkie said.
"That was nine movies Pinkie! Extended editions too, it was like twenty two hours!"
Pinkie yawned. "Yeah. Now that you mention it I AM getting kind of tired."
Opening the enchanted door back to Equestria, Twilight said "Well go home and sleep it off. Just don't forget, we've all got to be in Canterlot tomorrow, to take the door to New York... There's some kind of reception dinner the Princesses want us to join them for."
Yawning as well, Rarity said "Don't worry dear, we'll be there." She walked through the door.
Fluttershy whispered "She seems almost as tired as Pinkie."
"That's because she's the only one of us who almost stayed awake with Pink's the entire time." Twilight said. "Apparently Princess Leia's cinnamon-bun hairstyle was so unstylish it gave her nightmares every time she drifted off."
II
New York City. Since the official first contact between worlds and establishment of the gateway doors between them, the city had been host to numerous meetings. None compared to the spectacle of all three Princesses and the Element-Bearers together. The meeting itself was only of marginal importance; dealings on minor trade questions mostly. But the state dinner afterwards was extravagant.
The ponies found themselves at a table near the head of the room, one table over from where Celestia, Luna, and Cadance sat with various Earth leaders. Waiters delivered menus, and they all looked over the offerings. "A bowl of borscht please!" Pinkie said, returning the menu to her waiter.
"Whoa, hang on." Rainbow interrupted. "Pinkie, do you even know what borscht is? It's really not your kind of thing..."
"Oh I know. I wanna try it anyway."
"Well, alright if you're sure."
Orders were made, and the food arrived. While everyone else ate, Pinkie sat staring at her bowl. Finally Applejack said "Pinks, you gonna eat that or stare at it all night?"
"I warned her." Rainbow said.
"I'm sure you could order something else Pinkie." Twilight said.
Pinkie kicked the table with a hind leg, just hard enough to make ripples pass through the soup. She looked up, a serious expression on her face. "There is a great disturbance in the Borscht." She said, "As if a million Bronies 'squee'd' in joy, and were suddenly silenced."
A round of face-hooves swept the table. "Pinkie, please tell me you didn't order that just so you could make that joke."
"Of course not silly! I plan to eat it too!" Picking up a spoon, she took one bite, turned visibly green, and added "Later. I'll eat it later. Oh waiter! Can I get a doggy bag and the desert menu?"
Despite the incongruence of being asked for a doggy bag at a state dinner, the waiters reacted without hesitation. Pinkie was soon seated with a large slice of cake and a styrofoam bowl of borscht. Luckily, the rest of the meal was uneventful.
As they returned to Ponyville and said their goodbyes for the night, Pinkie turned to Dash and said "Remember, The Borscht will be with you... ...Always." She ran as Dash started throwing things at her...
III
A few days later, Twilight Sparkle travelled to Canterlot to visit her parents. As she approached their home the unicorn noted that it was strangely quiet; ordinarily they would be waiting at the front door to greet her. She found the door closed but unlocked. Entering, calling out "Mom? Dad?" she took note of how dark it was. Carefully easing further in, looking for anything out of place, Twilight heard a sound behind her. Spinning around, she saw a creature in heavy red and black armor, breathing heavily.
"Who are you!?" Twilight demanded, "Where's my mother? Where's my father!?"
Through it's heavy breaths the entity answered "Twilight Sparkle... I AM YOUR FATHER!!"
Twilight's eyes narrowed. "PINKIE!!!"
Pinkie pulled her 'Darth Pie' helmet off. "Aww... How'd you know it was me?"
IV
Rarity awoke in the middle of the night. She wasn't sure what had disturbed her, but something just felt off. Rising from her bed, the fashionista trotted into her bathroom. And screamed as she saw herself in the mirror. Her mane had been restyled, into Leia hairbuns. "PINKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
V
Note:
Upon the request of numerous individuals involved in the incident, and with respect for their mental states, the precise record of what Pinkie did to Applejack has been redacted. Suffice to say, it involved one thousand remote-control life-size destroyer droids, one thousand mirror-pool Pinkie clones in clonetrooper armor, and significant damage to Sweet Apple Acres. Donations to the "Save Sweet Apple Acres Trust Fund" may be made at any branch of First Equestrian National Bank.
VI
Fluttershy was enjoying a calm quiet day to herself when there came a terrible rattling sound from outside her door. Rushing to the front window, she saw Pinkie run by, followed closely by an enraged Manticore. "Leave my friend alone!" She shouted, storming out her front door. The manticore turned to face Fluttershy, who flew up into it's face and gave it 'The Stare.'
Whimpering, the great beast backed down and stomped it's way back into the forest. Pinkie popped up beside her friend. "The force can have a strong influence on the weak minded." she said, then fell on her back laughing.
"Pinkie, please tell me you didn't create that situation just so you could make that joke." Fluttershy asked. Pinkie continued to roll about laughing, until Fluttershy raised her voice and demanded an answer. Pinkie fled, not wanting to get hit with the stare herself...
VII
Princess Celestia stood next to her sister as they worked together to close out the day and begin the night. While Luna faced east, the better to see her moon as it rose, Celestia faced west, enjoying the wonderful rainbow of colors her sun created as it dipped below the horizon. So it was that she didn't realize anything was amiss until she heard Luna gasp.
Turning to look, the day princess immediately saw what had disturbed her sister. The moon, the ENTIRE moon, had been painted to look exactly like the Death Star. "B...but... ...HOW!?!?" Luna demanded.
Celestia rested a wing over Luna's back. "Tis Pinkie Pie sister." She said, "Don't question it..."
VIII
In spite of her decision to keep living on Earth for the time being, Rainbow Dash had kept ownership of her cloud home, visiting on occassion to do whatever maintenence was needed to keep it livable. In this particular instance, she had gone longer than usual between visits, over a month. As she flew in her front door, the pegasus was hit by the most terrible stench she had even encountered.
"Ugh! What is that!?" She exclaimed. Searching her house from top to bottom, Rainbow was unable to discover the sounrce of the odor. "Which means it's hidden." she reasoned, "Which means somepony hid it on purpose... I'm being pranked. But where did the pranker find something this bad? I've never smelled anything like it before, except..."
A memory came to her: Saying good night to her friends a couple of weeks earlier... And Pinke had said "Remember, The Borscht will be with you... Always!"
"PINKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
XI
Celestia sat with a bemused expression as Luna, Twilight, and all of Twilight's friends complained to her about Pinkie's behavior.
"She's totally out of control!"
"She wrecked mah farm with those droid-things!"
"She did unspeakable things to my mane!"
"She hath sullied our moon!"
Celestia motioned for quiet. "Very well. I hereby issue a royal decree that Pinkie is not permitted to watch this 'Star Wars' for one year. Hopefully this will reign in her overexuberance."
"Thank you Princess!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Indeed. Now let us go and find her, and deliver this news." Luna said.
X
So the element-bearers returned to Ponyville along with Luna. But though they searched high and low, no trace could be found of Pinkie Pie. After two hours of searching, they decided to rest for a time. As they approached the Library, the door to Earth opened and Scootaloo trotted out along with Applebloom.
"Have either of you seen Pinkie?" Rainbow asked.
Scootaloo answered "Oh sure, she's at home watching movies."
Luna smacked one hoof into the other. "Huzzah! We shall cut short this "Star-Wars" even as she views it!"
"Beggin' yer pardon Princess, but she's not watchin' Star Wars." Applebloom said.
"Well this is good right?" Rarity asked, "I mean, if she watches something new perhaps it will lessen her mania for the old."
"Maybe..." Twilight agreed, "At least until she obsesses over the new thing... But even so, surely it can't be worse than what she's already pulled. So what is it she's watching?"
"Something called "The Lord of the Rings."
The door swung open, Pinkie stepping through, walking upright but hunched over, carrying a gold ring in one hoof, staring down at it mumbling "My Precious..."
Rainbow looked Twilight in the eyes."It's worse." She said.