Discord's Discount Disguises

by MythrilMoth


Chapter Eight: Stellactus Needs Food Badly

"Wh-wh-wh-what is THAT?!" Fluttershy squeaked, eyes wide and frightened.

"Stellactus, the Galactic Gourmet," Silver Soarer said. "He roams the cosmos searching for worlds that rouse his appetite. Then, his Herald prepares them for consumption."

"That...that sounds terrible," Derpy said.

"And his Herald would be...you," Badgerella growled at the Silver Soarer.

Soarer bowed her head. "Yes."

"Now I know where the Power Galactic sounds familiar from," Sunset Shimmer muttered. "So...exactly how screwed are we here?"

Soarer looked grave. "I'm sorry. This world is doomed."

"Yep, thought so."

"Not necessarily," Fluttershy said. "Umm..." She looked at the Soarer. "Is...is there any way to stall for time? Keep him busy for..." She glanced up at the moon. "Forty minutes?"

"It's possible," Soarer said. "Stellactus is impatient and dangerous, but also routinely succumbs to distraction and prevarication. Buying forty minutes more for this world should not be difficult. But I don't see—"

"All of this is going to go away at midnight," Fluttershy said. With a nervous swallow, she added, "At least...I hope it is."

"Yeah, if this is part of Discord's spell, the flying stomach monster'll go bye-bye at midnight," Sunset Shimmer nodded.

Soarer frowned. "You speak nonsense, but...if there is even a chance of sparing this world its grisly gastrointestinal demise..."

HERALD! HEED STELLACTUS!

Soarer peered up at Stellactus. "I must placate my master," she said. "If I do not, he will bathe your world in cosmic fire. Plan your distraction. Quickly." She flew off.

Derpy, Fluttershy, Twilight, and Sunset Shimmer looked at one another.

"So, uhh...any ideas?" Twilight asked.

* * * * *

Ink Blot and Zecorpheus had stood on the fringes of the crowd, watching the various superheroes battle the out-of-control supervillain. Neither of them had moved close enough to get involved, but both were present when the fighting ended...and when the apparent end of the world began.

"Hell's that?" Ink Blot asked, staring up at the impossibly massive stallion in the sky.

"I...I don't know," Zecorpheus said. "Nightmare Moon must have...must have lost control of the Moontrix..." She frowned. "Or...or..."

"There IS no Moontrix!" Ink Blot snarled. "Look around you! This is reality! This chaos is the real, living Equestria! Thought I was paranoid! Met you! You're insane! Wake up! We're ALL about to DIE!"

Zecorpheus took a deep breath. "Real or not...I can only believe what I know to be the truth."

"Fine. Then stay here and die." Ink Blot galloped off into the heart of town.

Zecorpheus stood still for a long moment, head bowed. "Dammit...!" She followed Ink Blot into certain death.

* * * * *

Sweetie Belle emerged from the boutique, fully regenerated.

She took a look at the sky.

She ducked back inside. "Nope."

* * * * *

Applejack rose from beside her latest conquest, staring up in wonder at the immense stallion hovering over Equestria.

She licked her lips.

"Big fella," she purred. "Yum yum."

* * * * *

Two mares looked up at the sky. "Big world-destroying horror?"

"Big world-destroying horror."

"Think we'll get blamed?"

"We always do."

"Let's go."

"Wait! ...fine."

* * * * *

"I've never...I've never dealt with an opponent that...big before," Derpy said, peering nervously up at Stellactus. "I don't think any Avatar has." She hovered in midair; her eyes and tattoos began glowing brightly. After a moment, they stopped, and she shook her head. "Nope. No Avatar's ever dealt with anything like this."

"He's got an ass," Badgerella growled. "I say we kick it."

"With what?!" Sunset Shimmer cried.

"With them," Badgerella said, pointing at the two unconscious alicorns in their midst.

Fluttershy frowned. "W-well...we can count on Princess Luna, but...if...if Princess Celestia wakes up before midnight..." She swallowed nervously. "We...we'll have two problems on our hooves..." She shook her head and sighed. "Discord...why did you do this?"

"Where IS that slippery snake?" Sunset Shimmer demanded. "He should be here helping us deal with this!"

Fluttershy sighed. "The only one who knows how to summon him at will is..." She glanced at Twilight.

Twilight blinked. "Huh?"

Sunset Shimmer groaned. "Perfect." She sighed. "Five years ago, I could've dealt with all of this, but...I'm so out of practice, I don't think I could..."

"Could what?" Fluttershy asked curiously. "If...if you know of a way to..."

Sunset Shimmer shook her head. "I used to know a couple of...pretty invasive spells. You could get into another unicorn's head, piggyback spells they know onto your own horn..."

"Princess Celestia taught you something like that?" Fluttershy gasped.

Sunset Shimmer snorted. "Of course not," she said. "That's one of the many things that got me expelled as her student."

"Oh," Fluttershy said quietly.

An orange streak passed overhead, headed directly for Stellactus.

"Who was that?" Twilight asked.

Sunset stared up into the sky. "Is...is that Applejack?"

"It is," Fluttershy gasped. "But what's she...?"

Sunset glanced up at the moon, then snorted. "Okay, this is stupid," she said. She trotted up to the two sleeping alicorns and lowered her head. Her horn shimmered with a flickering teal aura. A spark leapt out from her horn, touching Mare-Do-Well. A second spark leapt out, striking Mane-iac. Both mares stirred groggily.

"Ugh...where..."

Sunset Shimmer stomped a hoof for attention. "Both of you. Listen up. Look at the sky. You see that enormous freaking horse hanging around up there? Make yourselves useful and blast the horseapples out of him."

Mane-iac growled. "You DARE to order QUEEN MANE-IAC to—"

"Shut it, hairpile," Mare-Do-Well rasped. "Look UP."

Mane-iac did so. Her jaw dropped. "Oh. Oh my."

Fluttershy cleared her throat. Everypony looked at her.

"Mane-iac? Could...could you maybe call a truce with the rest of us? Just long enough to save the world from being eaten by that scary monster?"

"You can't exactly take over a world that's being digested," Sunset Shimmer pointed out.

Mane-iac's muzzle trembled. "...alright, FINE," she decided. "Just for now, I'll..."

"Okay, let's get up there and save the world!" Avatar Derpy declared cheerfully, taking wing. Mare-Do-Well followed her, followed by a grumbling Mane-iac.

* * * * *

"And...what appetizers did you want again?" Soarer asked, holding a notepad and a pencil.

The moon, with tempura batter and cocktail sauce.

"Mm-hmm. And...I'm sorry, I don't think we have the first wine you asked for. What's your second choice on that?"

How can you not have Cianti? EVERY world has Cianti!

"Only if they have fava beans, Master. This world has no fava beans."

Of all the insufferable...fine. You select the wine.

"And...are you sure you want the yellow squash? I have it on good authority this world's yellow squash is nothing compared to its fried okra..."

Fried okra does not go with green beans!

"But it goes perfectly with buttered carrots."

Grrr...alright, I'll take the okra and the buttered carrots! Now prepare this planet for Stellactus!

"So let me just review..."

A blast of pure white stellar power struck Soarer, knocking her to the ground. MEDDLE NOT WITH THE APPETITES OF STELLACTUS, HERALD, FOR YOU ARE CRUNCHY AND GOOD WITH KETCHUP!

"Hey big fella! I've got some local flavor for you!"

Applejack flew up to Stellactus, batting her eyes seductively. "I know a perfect way to work up an appetite, tall dark and sexy."

My appetite is already well whet, mortal.

"LEAVE! THIS! PLANET!" Mane-iac bellowed as she zoomed into view, a whirling shell of gold and black magic blazing around her. Her horn glowed, and she fired a spiral beam of gold and black power straight at Stellactus' eyes.

AUGH! INSOLENT...YOU DARE STRIKE STELLACTUS?!

Mare-Do-Well rose above Mane-iac, blasting Stellactus in the horn. As the Galactic Gourmet roared, she intensified her fire, pumping so much raw magic into the blast that Stellactus' horn cracked, leaking raw stellar energy.

You have injured Stellactus...this is no small feat. But know this: I am as eternal as my hunger. In a flash of starlight, the damage to Stellactus' eyes and horn was repaired. With a single pulse of his vast horn, he sent Mane-iac and Mare-Do-Well rocketing to the ground.

Avatar Derpy shot into the air, trailing massive chunks of earth in her wake. Every cloud she passed became a ball of water that spun around her. "Being big doesn't give you the right to go around hurting anypony you want!" she cried. She lobbed chunks of earth, balls of water, blades of wind, and blasts of fire at Stellactus.

Stellactus stared calmly at her. You are spirited, but your power does not compare to mine. Begone.

With another pulse of the Power Galactic, Avatar Derpy fell.

"Nevermind," Applejack muttered, flying away into the dark forest below.

* * * * *

Fluttershy whimpered as she rushed around, straining her newfound magic to catch the falling ponies before any serious harm could come to them. Sunset Shimmer, Twilight, and Badgerella helped her, and within moments, the unconscious Avatar, Mane-iac, and Mare-Do-Well lay on a cushion conjured by Sunset Shimmer, blankets draped over them.

"Thank goodness...they don't seem to be hurt badly..." Fluttershy said, exhaling heavily.

"Yeah, but they're out of this fight for good," Badgerella grumbled. "So are the rest of us."

"Looks like it's up to you now," Sunset Shimmer said.

Fluttershy swallowed nervously. "I...I..."

"Fluttershy," Sunset Shimmer said softly, hugging the temporary alicorn. "I know you can do this. I believe in you. So would your friends...if they weren't all crazy right now."

"My friends are always crazy," Fluttershy said with a soft smile.

"I know they are," Sunset Shimmer said with a grin. "I have the exact same friends."

Fluttershy giggled. "Thank you, Sunset Shimmer." Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she took off for Stellactus.

"Awww, that was so sweet," Twilight said.

Sunset Shimmer glared at her. "Get your fat purple butt up there, Princess," she said.

"Uhh...uh-uh," Twilight said, wagging a wing. "Can't figure out how these work."

Sunset Shimmer facehoofed. "Great."