Discord's jaw dropped as he stared down at the swirling vortex of black and gold magic that had formed around Celestia. "Oh dear. This won't end well." He paused, tilting his head. "Then again, so long as nopony actually tries to kill her..." He peered up at the moon, then snapped his talons. A clock face appeared on the moon's surface; the hands gave the time as 10:24. "An hour and a half until the spell ends...hmm..." Shrugging, he conjured some red rope licorice. "Let the third act commence!"
* * * * *
Silver Soarer glided to the ground next to Mare-Do-Well and Badgerella. "What has happened here?" she asked.
"Apparently, that psychotic freak didn't know she was an alicorn," Mare-Do-Well rasped. "Then this smelly idiot opened her trap, and..."
"I think I liked you better when you didn't talk," Badgerella said.
Soarer turned to Mare-Do-Well. "I'm sorry, I didn't get your name...?"
"They call me Mare-Do-Well," the masked alicorn replied.
"Right. Well...you're also an alicorn, can't you...?"
Mare-Do-Well nodded. "I'll do what I can." A deep violet nimbus of power surrounded her, and she marched up to the stage.
A cheerleader with a chainsaw joined the superheroes. "So, uhh...what in the world's going on here?" she asked.
"Big stuff," Badgerella grunted. She did a double-take at the cheerleader. "Wait, what? You're an alicorn too?" She shook her head. "Damn...how many freakin' alicorns're runnin' loose in this town, anyway?"
Another alicorn dropped out of the sky. "Oh my goodness," she said softly, eyes wide with horror. "What...what's going on here?"
A unicorn galloped up, sweating and panting. "I haven't...run like that...in ages..." She looked up at the stage. "Is...is that...is that Princess Celestia?" Then, she noticed who she was standing next to and did a double-take. "T-Twilight?!"
Twilight turned and smiled. "Oh! Hey! Uhh...do I know you? Oh, wait! You were on the basketball team, right?"
The unicorn raised an eyebrow at Twilight. "Sunset Shimmer," she said. "The girls back home are never gonna believe what I'm seeing right now." She turned to the yellow alicorn. "Boy, you weren't kidding, Fluttershy. This is completely nuts."
Fluttershy cleared her throat. "Excuse me? Everypony? Would you mind terribly explaining why that is happening?" She pointed a hoof at the stage, where a laughing Mane-iac had created giant, glowing golden hair tentacles and was attempting to capture and/or kill Mare-Do-Well, who was flying circles around her and strafing her with twinkling purple laser beams.
"Uhh...Bad Hair Day up there didn't know she was an alicorn," Badgerella said. "Then I, uhh...accidentally told her. In my defense, I wanted her to pitch in and help kill all those zombies."
"And you thought telling a psychotic supervillain she had alicorn magic was a good idea," Soarer said gravely. "I thought you were smarter than that, Badgerella."
"Bite your shiny metal flank," Badgerella growled.
"I'd be up there helping if you hadn't told me not to kill or maim that hairy mare," Twilight said to Fluttershy. "If you ask me, she could use a little bit of chainsaw time!"
"No!" Fluttershy said hastily. "I mean...thank you, but...I'd rather not see anypony hurt...or worse..."
"Actually, I'm with Twilight on this one," Flash said. "That mare has a god complex like you wouldn't believe. She needs to go down."
Sunset Shimmer stared at the talking head. "Flash?!"
"Hi there," Flash said. "Don't know you, but you're pretty hot."
Twilight slapped him with a wing.
Sunset Shimmer turned to Fluttershy. "So...uhh...have you maybe tried de-programming anypony?" she asked. "You're an alicorn...for now...don't you think maybe you could override Discord's spell?"
"Oh, I wouldn't waste time with that if I were you," a new voice intruded. Discord appeared in their midst, tipping his chocolate hat to Sunset Shimmer.
"Discord, I presume?" Sunset Shimmer asked.
"The one and only," Discord said. "You must be Sunset Shimmer. Charmed, I'm sure." He frowned, raising an eyebrow. "Something's missing..." He snapped his talons; a more Equestrian version of Sunset Shimmer's black leather jacket appeared on her. "Much better."
"Discord," Fluttershy said, "would you please end this?"
"Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that, Fluttershy," Discord said. He sounded sincere, and was casting the occasional worried glance at the two dueling princesses. "You see, I gave my little spell a sort of...life of its own. Until it ends at midnight—" He pointed up at the moon, which showed the time as 10:31, "—not even I can cancel the effects of this spell."
"So this crap's gonna keep going on for another hour and a half?" Sunset Shimmer said. "That's just great."
Fluttershy frowned at Discord. "Is...is that why you made me an alicorn?" she asked. "As an insurance policy against...against this?"
"Hmm..." Discord tapped a talon against his chin. "I guess that's part of it. Mostly, I just thought you'd make for an adorable princess. Oh, and because I wanted you to have fun tonight...but as yourself. This was the only way I could think of to make you part of the game, but...not do what I did to all these ponies."
"I'm not having fun, Discord," Fluttershy said. "I think I'm having a nervous breakdown, and I don't think we'll be having any more tea parties for a while."
Discord's head drooped. "I thought you'd enjoy having alicorn magic..." He kicked at the ground and disappeared.
Sunset Shimmer blinked. "Wow. The god of chaos has a hard-on for you?" She shook her head. "Equestria's gotten weird since I left."
Silver Soarer rustled her wings. "Are we all done standing around talking?" she asked. "We do still have a problem here..."
A massive flash of golden light illuminated the area. Mare-Do-Well crashed to the ground in front of them, plowing a trench in the dirt. Mane-iac hovered in midair, surrounded by a golden corona, laughing as her mane writhed. "Now...who else wishes to taste the power of Queen Mane-iac?"
Fluttershy swallowed heavily. "Oh boy."
"I'll take you on!" Twilight cried, flapping unsteadily and listing to the right as she hovered slightly off the ground.
A blast from Mane-iac's horn, and Twilight dropped like a sack of apples.
"NEXT!"
* * * * *
"Whew," Derpy said, wiping her brow with a wing. "Looks like that's the last of the zombies."
In the distance, she saw telltale flashes of magic—high-level magic—being bandied back and forth. Frowning, she sped off to investigate. As she neared the heart of town, she saw a costumed alicorn, surrounded by a whirling nimbus of black and gold magic. The alicorn was laughing maniacally as gold tendrils of magical "hair" snaked out among the gathered ponies, who seemed to be struggling just to stay out of her reach.
The yellow princess she'd met earlier was among them, as was the unicorn she'd run off with.
Grimly, she dove into the fray, hurling a series of air blasts ahead of her to announce her presence.
* * * * *
"Hrm. Out of zombies."
"Agents," Zecorpheus corrected.
"Zombies," Ink Blot insisted. "What now?"
"Now, we need a link to the real world," Zecorpheus said.
A huge ball of gold-and-black light rose from the heart of town.
"Or we find out what the hell THAT is," Ink Blot said, running off in the direction of the ominous light show.
* * * * *
As though a switch had been thrown, the zombies stopped coming.
"Whew...!" Apple Bloom wiped her brow with a hoof. "That's the end of that!"
"Yeah," Scootaloo said. "Now..." She looked up at Sweetie Belle. "We've got unfinished business."
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Sweetie Belle screeched. "I just helped you two idiots fight a bunch of zombies!"
"Yeah, but you're still a ghost, and we're still Spook Spankers," Apple Bloom said.
Two bolts of green magic blew the power coils off the Spook Spankers' capture packs. Their humming and whirring died off, the vacuum tubes going dark.
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at one another. "Run?" Scootaloo suggested.
"Run," Apple Bloom agreed. The two Spook Spankers took off at full gallop.
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Idiots."
*CHOMP*
"Seriously?"
Sweetie Belle's eyeballs floated back into the wrecked boutique to regenerate as Pac-Mule trotted off in search of another ghostly meal.
* * * * *
Several rocks bounced off Mane-iac's skull. "Who dares?!" she thundered.
Derpy flapped down in front of her, glaring sternly. "Enough is enough!" she said. "You've done enough damage here. Leave these ponies alone!"
"Or what?" Mane-iac challenged, firing a spiral beam of gold and black at Derpy.
Derpy's eyes and arrow tattoos glowed. A shell of rocks, water, wind, and fire surrounded her, spinning like an atom. Mane-iac's blast was deflected into the sky.
"What exactly is she supposed to be, anyway?" Sunset Shimmer asked as she watched the pegasus battle the Mane-iac.
"I don't know," Fluttershy said. "She's certainly developed some...very interesting powers. And...none of it is unicorn magic."
"It certainly isn't," Sunset Shimmer agreed.
Mane-iac's gold-and-black magic beams collided again and again with Derpy's elemental shield. The ground shook; tremors rocked Ponyville, sending many ponies staggering. "Get...out...of...my...HAIR...!"
Derpy scowled down at Mane-iac. A column of rock thrust straight up out of the ground, knocking Mane-iac into the air. She unleashed multiple wind blasts, which buffeted the supervillain in midair, then slammed her back to the ground with a powerful gust of air.
Derpy floated to the ground, the glow in her eyes and arrows fading and the bizarre spinning corona of elements dissipating.
Mane-iac groaned as she shakily pushed herself to her hooves. "What...what are you?" she gasped out.
"I'm the Avatar," Derpy said firmly.
"Well...Avatar..." Mane-iac growled, lowering her head. "Take...THIS!" Her horn began to flare brilliantly, and a column of pure solar fire erupted.
A gleaming silver barrier appeared between the burning strike and Avatar Derpy.
Silver Soarer rose into the air. "I will no longer allow this," she said.
"Bout time you used some of that Power Galactic," Badgerella muttered.
"Power Galactic?" Sunset Shimmer asked. "That sounds familiar..."
"I have...been unable to bring forth the Power Galactic until this moment..." Soarer shook her head. "It matters not." Her eyes glowed, and a shimmer of force enveloped Mane-iac. "Begone."
"You won't displace a HAIR! on my head!" Mane-iac shouted. Her gold-and-black aura flared again, and the Soarer was knocked ass-over-teakettle, plowing into Lucha Mayor. Mane-iac rose into the air, shining like the sun. "HEAR ME, HEROES!" she bellowed. "I AM THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING! ALL WHO OPPOSE ME WILL BURN IN THE FIRES OF MY WRATH!"
Mare-Do-Well charged forward, surrounded in a pitch-black nimbus that glimmered with starlight. Spreading her wings, she charged Mane-iac in a flying tackle. Their auras entwined one another as they crashed to the ground in a tangle of legs and wings.
A shell of solid rock encased both alicorns. The rock shell turned silver as Soarer added her power to the Avatar's earthbending.
"That oughtta hold 'er," Badgerella said.
"Do you think...do you think they'll be alright in there until midnight?" Sunset Shimmer asked.
Fluttershy looked up at the moon. "We still have forty-five minutes until midnight," she said. "I...I don't know if..."
The rock shell exploded, and the two alicorns rose into the sky, spiralling around one another. Mane-iac's golden aura mane wrapped itself around Mare-Do-Well, who wove crazily in the air as she fired midnight blasts at the crazed villain.
"They're gonna kill each other if this keeps up!" Sunset Shimmer cried. "This has to stop!"
"You're right," Fluttershy said. Steeling herself, she took wing and flew after the two alicorns. "I hope...I really hope...I can do what I need to do..." She focused on the cursed princesses, her horn glowing a soothing blue-green. The strain of following their erratic flight showed on her face, but she gained on them as the aura surrounding her horn intensified.
"Princess Celestia...Princess Luna..." she whispered, "both of you need to...go...to...SLEEP!" She fired a broad beam of magic at the two alicorns; it surrounded them in gentle, soothing waves. Their auras fizzled out, and they dropped out of the sky. Avatar Derpy swooped in and caught them on a cushion of air, gently carrying them to the ground.
Panting heavily, Fluttershy weakly glided to the ground, landing next to Sunset Shimmer and Twilight.
"Really? A sleep spell? That's all it took?" Twilight asked. "Laaaame!"
"Shut up, Twilight," Sunset Shimmer said. She trotted over and placed a hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder. "Not bad for your first night having magic."
"Th-thank you..." Fluttershy panted, smiling. "Now, all we have to do is—"
A terrifying rumbling, like prolonged thunder, thudded across Equestria. The already-dark night grew darker, as though an immense shadow spread across the land. Fluttershy looked around nervously. "Oh, what now?" she whimpered.
"He comes," Silver Soarer said.
Fluttershy was about to ask who Soarer was talking about, but that quickly became a moot point.
A massive form separated itself from the night sky. An immense alicorn stallion, easily twice the size of Canterlot, descended from the heavens. His coat seemed to be literally made of the night sky. Galaxies spun and exploded all across his muscular body. Comets and quasars and nebulas roamed the vastness of his flank. A billowing purple cape was fastened around his neck. Immense purple horseshoes, each the size of a castle, shod his hooves.
In comparison to his impressive size and imposing appearance, his choice of headgear was patently absurd: he wore a tiny purple domino mask over his eyes, and a tall, cylindrical purple helmet atop his head. Two "horns" stuck out of the sides of this helmet at odd angles: the right horn was a giant fork, and the left horn was a giant table knife.
Herald, he rumbled impressively. It is Stellactus' dinnertime. Prepare this world that I might devour it. Preferably pan-fried with basil and herb olive oil. And I'll have green beans and yellow squash on the side.