“You have everything, Lady Sparkle?” said Mustikka.
“Everything I need now,” Twilight answered. “If, and only if, Ahto wants me to come with him and his bucks, then I'll get the saddlebags from Spike outside here.”
“He won't be suspicious of that?” said Dark Clouds. The Moon Guard pegasus hung ominously above them in the very narrow alley, and his dark coat made him almost invisible. Above them were dark wooden walls and rickety balconies that almost met in the middle. This was a residential area, but given that Klubb Niffelhel was allowed to blast loud music all night it obviously wasn't a very high-class one. In a high-class area in Sarvvik, laws and bylaws would have applied.
“Why should he? He thinks Spike is my servant, and if he thinks I'm idiot enough to come here without telling anyone, he deserves to be surprised,” said Twilight. “That's why it’s good if the guards outside that place see you and the other Moon Guards. Just a glimpse will be enough.”
“But we’ve been practicing our tailing!” said Shadows Gather, the other Lunafied pegasus.
“If they see you, they think they know who’s guarding me, and won't think of the Companions!” said Twilight through gritted teeth. “Do I have to mete out some punishments for insubordination?”
Her annoyance was only half feigned, though she and the Moon Guards had prepared for this. She and Luna wanted to make sure the Companions got the correct exposition. Both shadow pegasi had taken “pretend you are a bit dumb” to mean more or less look slackjawed and all but drool.
They need training in acting as well as tailing, she thought. The reindeer will end up thinking the batwings came with a lobotomy, and I don't want them to lose respect.
“Oh no, Lady Sparkle!” said the two pegasi in badly feigned horror. Luckily their faces were almost invisible and Mustikka was very, very impatient.
“If everything is set, I suggest we move out!” he said.
Twilight nodded.
“Let's move out!” she said. She straightened her dress, corrected her coiffure and trotted out of the alley.
“Good luck, Twilight – Mistress Sparkle, I mean!” Spike whispered after her.
Twilight's main reason not to facehoof was that she would have ruined her makeup. It wasn't caked on as fully on earlier occasions. She would have called in Saga again if she could. The fawn's tastes were grotesque but she knew the technical details better than Twilight herself. However, Saga had been away on some sort of couple-shopping with Vigg. Twilight had sighed with relief at that. Better for teens to behave like kids than to get involved in business like hers and Luna's.
Over the entrance to Klubb Niffelhel were three giant canine heads carved out of fir, snarling and grinning. They looked nothing like the real Cerberus, but not all people had Twilight's direct experience with the guardian of Tartarus, the Underworld. As Twilight walked up to the entrance she heard music seep out from the door as it was opened now and then to let in guests, rising and then quickly fading. It would rise for a second or a half, then fall again. She recognized the music and was sure it was an Equestrian song. She had no idea what it was called, only that it was loud and rhythmic. Twilight liked to dance, even if she wasn’t the best dancer, but tonight wasn't the time for that. Yet to soothe her nerves, she started to trot a bit in tune to the music, half consciously.
The result was that the guests in the short queue saw the infamous unicorn celebrity doing a power walk up to the stairs of Sarvvik's most macabre nightclub as the dramatic theme from a rather schlocky horror movie played. As a deer, they stepped aside and let the mephitic cloud of purple smoldering sin pass them in the queue, walking up the stairs to the entrance.
The two doorstags hadn't had time to become bored yet, although they knew that time would come later in the evening. Their eyes weren't tired, they hadn't become hoarse from shouting over music to intoxicated reindeer, and they hadn't broken the regulations out of desperation and had some of their hidden vodka.
“Is that...?” said one of them, the one to the right of the door, the big, beefy one.
“It is!” said the one to the left.
“Hello, gentlestags,” she said as she trotted up to the door. “Is this where I pay?”
“No...” said Mr Left, “that's by the wardrobe, Sir. Ma'am. Milady.”
“Well,” said the unicorn with a predatory, mocking smile, “what is it that you gentlestags want of me then?”
She looked at both of them, one at a time, with eyes of gleaming darkness, hollow voids that would devour souls.
“You're... supposed to show your ears... so we can check your age...” said Mr Left and indicated the identifying herdmarks and the like cut into his ears.
“And just check so you're not drunk or... y'know... better'an drunk,” said Mr Right.
“Better?” she said and looked at Mr Right quizzically.
“Well... high?” he said and smiled sheepishly.
“Well, I am afraid my ears aren't... cut out for that,” said the unicorn. She turned her head sideways and wiggled her left hear in Mr Left’s face for emphasis, giving a good view of her small batwinged silver earrings. “But you can see my passport if you want.” She made as if to reach for a small hoofbag she somehow had inside her dress. “Or my visum, my license to work sorcery, my letters of recommendation from the Princesses of Equestria...”
“No, no, it's OK!” said Mr Left and smiled. “I... uh, if we already know somedeer is an adult we don't have to check those things.”
“Good!” said the unicorn and smiled. “Do you need to smell my breath or something then?”
She thrust her muzzle into the face of Mr Right and puffed at him a few times.
“S-sober as a newt!” he stammered. “Nothing wrong here!”
“Ah, good!” said the unicorn. “Can I enter then?”
The two reindeer nodded wordlessly. Then Mr Left opened then door and bowed. The unicorn marched in, and as the music rose again she found herself moving to its rhythm once more.
As the door shut the two doorstags took a few breaths to catch their breath, then turned to the guests, who had flocked beneath the stairs.
“What’cha lookin' at!?” Mr Right shouted. “Form a real queue, will ya! No shuffling!”
There was a wardrobe just inside where guests were supposed to leave their outer garments and pay a wardrobe fee. Since the outrageously high fee was also the entrance ticket to the club, you had to pay even if you hadn’t left anything there. Twilight gave them her cloak, however. It was obvious the attendant knew who she was, but she was less starstruck-cum-scared than the doorguards.
“And here’s your token, Lady Sparkle,” said the attendant. “Please show it when you wish to retrieve your cloak.” She was wearing the same sort of bandit-mask makeup as Saga, but it was a bit more effective since she was white-coated. She had also dyed the hair on top of her headjet black.
“Thank you, Miss,” said Twilight. She realised the music she had heard when she entered came from somewhere around here, but couldn’t see the loudspeakers. They must be hidden. There was a small gaggle of guests who had stopped just inside and weren’t going further. From their murmurs Twilight guessed they wanted to see what she did.
She passed the small crowd and descended down a steep stairway. The crimson walls were lit by thaumic lanterns and decorated with cheap reproductions of famous paintings on the themes of death, doom and the Underworld. As she neared the end she heard other, louder music. It met the recorded tune from above in a strange zone of overlapping noise and Twilight hurried through it.
The end of the stair opened onto a huge octagonal hall. In the center was a dance floor, which currently held no dancers. Around the dance floor was a broad shelf where there were tables and chairs. The actual ceiling was far above her. Twilight could see at least two levels of balconies over her, also filled with tables and chairs if the maps of the building had been correct. Two eighths of the octagonal shelf were not taken by places to sit, drink and talk. One of them was occupied by a long bar desk, currently manned by one bored reindeer. The other one held a space for a band to play. There was a piano but it was shuffled to the back. Instead, right now three reindeer played clarinet, drums and a zither-like instrument she had heard called a kantele. Twilight could again recognize the tune, but not name it. Some kind of Equestrian pop music, played in a bit tinny and off-key fashion.
The wood was visible everywhere in the pillars and rafters, and it was uniformly painted black, the same with the tables and chairs. The walls were hung with crimson wallpapers with grimy spots. Affixed to the walls and hanging from the ceiling on chains were idols and images of the monsters of Tartarus. They were mostly Equestrian-made in the cheapest plaster, more scary because of the low quality of their casting than of their subjects. Yet they did cast dramatic shadows over the dance floor as lights in red and yellow flashed back and forth.
To reinforce that Tartarus was a prison, rusty iron shackles hung from the rafters here and there, and Twilight watched a waiter almost getting his antlers stuck in one. In addition, among the squirming antediluvian plaster monsters hung a cage in which two go-go-does undulated in what was presumably a sensual fashion. Spotlights focused on the cage to give the interested a chance to get a crick in the neck. Their attire caused Twilight to break into laughter. Her normal one, not her sneering noblemare’s laugh. They were wearing black wooden masks. Zebra fetish masks. While such did look fearsome, Twilight had been schooled by an expert in what they actually meant, hence her joy. One of the does was now protected against vermin eating her root vegetables. The other one was protected against her suitors being poor. Twilight laughed so hard that she actually had tears in her eyes when she reached the bar disk.
“Hi,” said the bartender to the grinning and chuckling unicorn. “What can I help you with?”
She met his eyes with her glittering lavender ones and chuckled again.
“What can’t you do?” she said. “I have to say - I have to say this is a lovely establishment. Classy. Very classy.”
“Erh, thanks,” he said nervously.
“I especially like the entertainment,” she said and nodded towards the dancers.
“Erh, thanks,” he repeated himself. “Anything specific I can help you with, Lady Sparkle?”
“I have an appointment,” she said, “and was instructed to come to the bar and announce myself.”
“Oh, sure,” he said. “Yeah. Uhm.”
There was an awkward silence.
“And... then I assumed I would be shown where the appointment was,” she said, waving her hoof to hurry him on.
“Uhm. Yeah,” the bartender said, sweating. “See, L-Lady Sparkle, your appointment was for nine o’ clock. It’s barely half past seven. The... deer you’re supposed to meet hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Oh,” said Twilight, deflated. “Darn.”
“But... I can show you to the table... where you’re to meet him,” he said hurriedly. “It is booked for all night. And you can wait there, Lady Sparkle, or... just relax and enjoy the... entertainment.” He swept with his hoof over the general interiors of the club.
Twilight cursed silently. Why, oh why do I have to be so punctual?! I was far too early!
“I’ll take my ‘entertainment’ at our table,” she said.
“Great!” said the relieved bartender. “I’ll get one of the waiters to show you up and unlock for you!”
Unlock? she thought. Of course - the maps said the uppermost balcony has small, private rooms for guests who pay extra. They have to be locked or guests would sneak in without paying.
“Excellent!” Twilight said.
“Do you want anything to drink when I get the waiter?” he said.
“A sarsaparilla,” said Twilight.
“What?” said the bartender.
“I have an important job and it’s a working night, sir,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “Will that be a problem?”
“No, no... I’m not sure we have much to choose from...” he said.
“Give me whatever,” Twilight said, “as long as it doesn’t have alcohol in it.”
“Lingonberry sarsaparilla,” Twilight muttered to herself as she looked at the empty bottle. “How on Earth did reindeer come up with this abomination.”
She had nursed her bottle slowly but it still only lasted for about half an hour. There wasn’t much to see through the wooden trellis that covered the window out to the dance floor, except that some more guests had arrived and now there were actually people dancing. She had gone through the possible escape routes in case things went south twice, adjusted for actually having seen the interior of the club. She started to do it once more, just to have something to occupy her mind.
“Those horrible decorations could probably be dropped magically to cause chaos, but I don’t want to harm any random clubgoers,” she muttered. “Bad taste is no crime. But they ought to be possible to use in some way...”
Someone knocked at the door. Twilight tensed up. Who could it be? Hopefully Ahto was early.
“Come in!” she shouted to be heard over the noise passing for music.
The door opened carefully and two does slunk in. They were wearing a little too much makeup (in the regular fashion, not in the Saga way) and thin silver anklets around all four legs. Their coats were streaked with sweat and flecked with cheap glitter. Most importantly, blackened wood masks hung around their necks. Twilight looked curiously at the two dancers. They looked rather reluctant. One of them cleared her throat.
“We were sent here to... entertain you, since you wanted the entertainment at your table,” she said with a thin voice.
Twilight gaped. Then she started to laugh. The does looked at each other.
“Look,” Twilight said when she had stopped laughing, “you can entertain me all right, but there isn’t much room for dancing in here. Come here. Sit down.”
They obeyed even more reluctantly. Twilight fished out a notebook and a pen from her hoofbag.
“Hangmane,” she said. “Tournament?”
It was almost, but not quite nine o’clock when someone knocked at the door. One of the does sprang up and opened it, giggling.
“Sorry, but this is a private booth, sir,” she said to a reindeer whose face was covered with a dark hood.
“My lord is here to meet the unicorn, wench,” he said grouchily and tried to look over her shoulder. The doe shied back.
“Ask him the password,” said Twilight, looking up from her notebook.
“Password?” said the doe.
“P-password?” he flustered. “Uh, Lord Ahto,” he turned back, “I mean, password?”
A reindeer similarly attired but considerably bigger (or perhaps he just stood taller) dopeslapped his underling.
“Idiot! Keep your voice down!” he snarled. “I didn’t say there would be a password!”
“Let them in,” said Twilight. “Lord Ahto is right - he didn’t set a password. As he should have, but I guess that’s what happens when you deal with amateurs.”
Be a bit rude, at least as long as you can stay ahead of them. That’s what princess Luna said. Just a little bit rude. They needn’t like you, but they must respect you. Twilight tried to look a bit condescending. She didn’t know whether she succeeded, so she fell back on using her fan to cover her muzzle.
The reindeer in the hood entered, as did the other reindeer in a hood that must be Lord Ahto, as did a third reindeer in yet another hood... and a crimson-coated pegasus mare, who stopped to ogle the does and grin.
“They did a good job?” she said and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
“Oh, I am satisfied,” said Twilight and started to fish out some tips from her hoofbag, but gave up and just took out one of her purses with emergency bits.
“Take this, keep the change, and please leave us,” she said magnanimously as she levitated the purse over to one of the does whose eyes widened.
“Thanks, milady!” she shouted as she removed herself from the premises.
“Please come again!” the other one said as she followed, and they were heard to gasp and babble out in the corridor as they opened the purse and counted the money.
“Close the door, please,” Twilight told the pegasus. “Equestrian renegade, I assume?”
“I just had this little disagreement over the proper handling of the cargo with a superior officer, is all,” the pegasus sniffed haughtily.
The three reindeer sat down.
“Was that sufficient reason to knife him and throw him overboard?” Twilight said, genuine ice in her voice.
“Yeah, I mean - how did you know that?!” She turned and stared directly at Twilight.
“Sudden Gale, first mate on the Equestrian naval vessel Camaraderie, light mauve pegasus mare with brown mane and tail, cutiemark a face blowing a wind, dishonorably discharged for embezzlement, theft and striking an officer, wanted for attempted murder, goes by the name Crimson Coat, dyes her coat red and paints over her cutiemark, presumed to be the commander of the pirate vessel The Crimson Kraken. Did I miss anything?” Twilight said as she consulted her notes.
“Impressive,” said Jarl Ahto.
“Not really,” said Twilight. “There were reports of some non-reindeer vessels cooperating with the more traditional Vikings, and we tried to learn which they were.”
And I am just incredibly lucky that Sudden Gale chooses such an enormously conspicuous disguise. A grown-up blank-flank with that coat colour? Twilight thought.
“If I might be allowed to introduce my other followers,” Jarl Ahto said as he gave the pegasus an evil glare, “as well as myself.”
“This,” and he pointed to the reindeer which had entered first, “is Hakon, a faithful - if not always wise - housebuck. My other companion is known for her wisdom. This is Guthrun, who is my own kin.”
The reindeer removed their hoods. Hakon smiled sheepishly, while Guthrun scrutinized Twilight closely.
Obviously a seer - probably an empath, Twilight thought. Let’s just hope Paki did a good job.
Ahto himself not just pulled back his hood but removed it, as he obviously was rather sweaty. He had a rich coat, magnificent antlers and an impressive physique.
No wonder he dreams of being King - he has the sort of build Kings have, Twilight thought. In fairy tales. But there is something else about that attempt at a disguise.
“I see now that there are four reasons for us to meet here and nowhere else,” Twilight started. “That’s quite impressive.”
And now and then, don’t be rude. Flatter them. Make them suddenly appreciate you by telling them what they want to hear.
“What?” said Jarl Ahto. “Four reasons for what?”
“Well, first, this place is one used by the business partners of your current allies to launder money. They are having the poor owner under their hoof, as I have heard it. That means you can arrange certain security measures for the meeting,” Twilight said. “Like you know where all the exits are, and when and how they are guarded.”
“I won’t comment on that,” said the Jarl.
“Out of respect for your allies, of course,” said Twilight. “Then, if your enemies, or any allies I might have, have this place under surveillance, they won’t catch much. Reindeer Sight is limited by normal senses. Among other things that means that using farsight to look into a place which is pitch dark except for flashing lights is very hard.”
“That is correct,” said Guthrun.
But I bet not one of you thought about this before now, Twilight thought. At least not from the look of your faces.
“The third reason is that you heard about my reputation and assumed I would like the... ambience,” she said and smiled wickedly. “You get an ‘A’ for effort, at least.”
“That might be... true,” said Ahto and studied the roof. “It is not really my kind of establishment...”
“And the fourth reason is that there are few places in Sarvvik where you could have gotten away with that ridiculous outfit,” Twilight said.
“I make an effort to stay anonymous!” Ahto huffed.
“Yeah?” Twilight said. “You really think the common citizen recognizes your face immediately?”
He gave her a death glare.
He really does. He really thinks he is a household name. Poor, poor foal... But that... that is important! Is there anything to his fantasies?
“Those of your... followers?” she said. “Are they famous? Famous enough to draw attention to the whole group by dressing like that? Who uses hoods like that outside a snowstorm?”
Jarl Ahto looked a bit nervous this time. Hakon looked even more nervous.
So now I know whose idea that was. So you have soaring thoughts about yourself, but they are shaped by your followers, because you don’t have much of an imagination, do you?
“And finally, Miss Blood Red Murder here,” she said and pointed to the pegasus. “An obvious foreigner, with a very special appearance, following you? At least tell me she flew here herself, separately?”
Jarl Ahto looked even more worried, while Sudden Gale started to protest.
“Hey, are you saying it is my fault that...”
“Seriously if... if my... colleagues and I had carried out a mission in Canterlot wearing clown costumes accompanied by a buffalo herd in full regalia, we would have been less visible!” Twilight exaggerated in feigned anger.
“It is not as if you are inconspicuous, Lady Sparkle,” said Guthrun.
Twilight smiled amiably.
“Oh, but I am just visiting a decadent nightclub that fits my infamous and eclectic tastes,” she said and waved her fan. “Whose staff are all threatened or bribed by your compatriots in Sarvvik to lie about what I did. Really, it will be easy for them to come up with horrible stories, and the clientele will willingly lie to corroborate them just to make themselves seem daring and ‘cool’. Why, I am sure the bartender already has a tale of how I wanted dancers sent to my table to perform lurid sexual acts and disgusting services.”
“You mean you didn’t?” said Sudden Gale. Twilight ignored her.
“But I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you brought Captain Gale for a reason,” Twilight said. “I just mean to say that while you might be a daring warleader and skilled sailor, Jarl Ahto, you know little of intrigue. Your experience with the sail and sword didn’t really prepare you for the cloak and the dagger, did it?”
Jarl Ahto stretched himself. “It certainly didn’t!”
Criticize by flattery... yeah, that’s the way... and lead the conversation the right way...
“It is perfectly excusable that you fell for the machinations of the amateur Lord Eminence,” she cooed.
“Well, if you stopped him, why are you helping us now?” said Hakon a bit miffed.
“He was trying to kill the King with a balefire bomb, you genius!” said Sudden Gale. “There would have been nothing left of Sarvvik but a smoking crater, and that wasn’t in the deal!”
“THAT WAS NO BALEFIRE BOMB!” Twilight shouted, perfectly sincere in her anger.
The table grew silent.
“Why can’t people keep their incendiaries straight!?” she growled. “That was a straight alchemical incinerator bomb!”
Everyone stared at her.
“I mean, terrorists these days, cannot keep their bombs apart!” she huffed nervously.
“I’m no terrorist!” Sudden Gale pouted. Twilight ignored her.
“Well, his plot was idiotic, depending on his ability to magically conceal himself which doesn’t work in a city primarily populated by reindeer,” she said, calmer now. “That’s why it failed and would have failed even if I didn’t step in to stop it.”
“So why did you step in?” said Jarl Ahto.
“Because I benefited from stopping it,” she said and shrugged. “His plot, had it succeeded, would have meant no end of trouble for Equestria and wouldn’t have stopped the acts of piracy. Reindeer would have associated your attempt to rule by violent acts from a foreign superpower and resented it, meaning you would have had no ability to rule efficiently. The economic crises and lawless turmoil would have continued, and you couldn’t have stopped the attacks on Equestria. We would have had to make a military intervention which would have just ended in an inefficient mess. My faction at court would have been massively damaged.”
At least nothing of this is a lie... she thought.
“I... see,” said Jarl Ahto. “But now you want to ally with me?”
“Yes, because if we play this right the plot can work,” Twilight said.
“And what do you mean by ‘play it right’?” Jarl Ahto said cautiously.
“Well, first there is what I just told you,” she said and fanned herself. “Equestria doesn’t care who rules Tarandroland. We only care that you stop the massive crimewave that comes from here.”
“I... think I can do that,” Jarl Ahto said. “I am certain I can do that.”
“See, that requires not just your goodwill, Jarl Ahto, but also that Tarandroland is a stable country,” Twilight said. “It isn’t now because of a climate crisis and Ukko’s politics. The Winter war is one thing, politics is another. To make it clear: if you try to get into power through a coup, this won’t be a stable country. We need a stable succession. If your plan for becoming King of Tarandroland includes marching on the capital with your forces, please tell me now. I’ll be downstairs dancing, because we have nothing more to talk about.”
“No! I mean... no,” Jarl Ahto said. “Only in an... emergency! I am certain the people of Poatsula will choose me as the new king if they get the chance. It was just a... fluke, an accident that they didn’t choose my father instead of that accursed Ukko The Piercer! My father should have been the next king! They will know that, and recognize me if I get the chance!”
“King Ukko has chosen a successor, though,” said Twilight.
“Who is just a little kid!” Jarl Ahto laughed. “He would need a guardian to rule in his stead, and who would that be? Ukko’s old drinking cronies, who he put in high places when he was chosen as king? We are in the greatest crisis in recent history, on all fronts! They will need a stronger, younger, charismatic leader with the blood of old kings! Who has proven himself a ruler of deer! Who can in one stroke solve our foreign problems! Who can give the kingdom its needed army!”
Twilight smiled.
He has an ego the size of the Everfree Forest. I believe this is where I laugh.
“Ohohohoho!” she chortled and waved her fan. “I see. So all we need to do is remove Ukko from the stage, and you think all the pieces will fall into place?”
Jarl Ahto nodded.
“I don’t like... the underhanded ways... you seem to suggest, Lady Sparkle... But...” he said.
“Well, that shan’t be difficult,” said Twilight. “My sources tell me that the King is marshaling his forces against Winter soon. He is sure to make a personal appearance in the field. There are a lot of ways he could happen to die there. An old sarv fighting giant monsters under horrible weather conditions. Think about it. No one will suspect a thing. There is a succession crisis. You step in.”
The reindeer looked at each other. Sudden Gale grinned wickedly.
“Fancy lady, you are my kind of scum!” she said. Twilight ignored her.
“If it soothes your conscience, he can even die heroically,” Twilight suggested. “I don’t know, saving an orphanage from a tursu or something.”
“Where would you get an orphanage?” said Hakon.
“You just get the tursu near it,” said Twilight and tried to look nonchalant. “It involves dark magic and things, nothing you would understand.”
Jarl Ahto cleared his throat. “I... I would still need to see what resources you have... gain assurances of support, and so on...”
Twilight smiled.
“I am glad you brought that up, Jarl Ahto,” she said, “because I have similar concerns. I don’t doubt that you mean what you say, and I don’t doubt your personal qualities as a leader, per se. But I still know very little of your deer, and what they really think. I don’t know what forces you actually have. Are you controlling the pirate fleet, or just a few ships of deer loyal to you since your time as an Admiral? Are you spread all over the coast, or do you have useful bases? Can you actually make that effort against Winter the population craves, or not?”
“You realise revealing such things put my deer into jeopardy?” said Jarl Ahto.
“Yes,” said Twilight and smiled. “Which also means that if you do so, you show that you trust me. And trust, I believe, is essential when you are working with traitors!”
And as usual, thanks to my pre-readers LadyMoondancer and Wheelwright!