When Discord woke up, he wasn’t sure what surprised him more. The fact that he had actually fallen back asleep after talking to Twilight, the fact that the window showed that the sun was actually up, meaning Pinkie had let him sleep in for once instead of waking him up with singing, or the fact that there was currently a toddler beating his little hooves against the draconequus’s stomach, and another one gnawing on his horn.
He decided that the final thing was actually the most surprising. Wasn’t Pinkie supposed to be watching these menaces today? She’d said something about a baking convention... honestly, he hadn’t paid much attention.
But why wasn’t she... well, watching them?
He winced as Pound drummed on his belly, squirming slightly, and tried to pry the colt off without harming him. The child babbled and have him a gummy grin, reaching for his nose. He kept Pound in one arm, then reached out for Pumpkin. The filly whined as she was separated from the horn she had been teething on.
Even after a few days of living with them, he wasn't sure how to feel about the babies. They were awfully energetic and got into quite a bit of trouble, which he found amusing. He also had the sneaking suspicion they might have absorbed a bit of his chaos magic the last time he was around- the timeline added up, after all, as Mrs. Cake would have been pregnant then.
And besides, how else could two Earth ponies have given birth to a unicorn and a pegasus? (Especially ones who were so potent with their abilities.)
Besides, and he found this the strangest, they really seemed to like him. Now, he never denied that he didn’t like children, (to an extent,) and never denied that children were generally better with him than their parents, but it still was strange to have ponies other than Pinkie Pie, Screwball and the CMC not looked completely terrified or angry at him.
His thoughts were interrupted by Pinkie’s frantic voice. “Pound? Pumpkin? Where’d you go?”
The little unicorn bubbled up into a tiny laugh, and the pegasus simply grinned, making no attempt to help Pinkie find them. Discord chuckled slightly as the colt shushed the filly, even though he was barely able to stop from giggling himself.
He knew that Pinkie was very serious about caring for these two- he’d heard many a horror story when he was still imprisoned of their near absurd ability to cause trouble and get away from the mare when she was supposed to be keeping an eye on them.
He really should tell her that they were just up in her room.
But then, on the other hoof...
“You two want to have a bit of fun?”
Pound and Pumpkin looked at him with wide eyes, blinking. The former squirmed in his arms and tried to smack his chest, while the latter took the opportunity to try and eat his beard.
He took that as a yes.
Was this the right thing to do? No. Was this mean spirited? Yeah, probably.
But it would be funny, and after the talk he had last night, he could really do with a laugh, and screw the consequences.
Pound bapped his nose, little wings fluttering and buzzing as hard as they could. Discord rolled his eyes but placed both kids onto his head. Pumpkin immediately latched onto his horn and started gnawing, so he sighed and removed his horn, turning it into a large, twirled stick of candy and re-growing a new horn. It was surprisingly easy to do.
Huh.
The child gasped in delight, licked the candy- and immediately went back to gnawing the horn on his head.
Why did he even try?
He got down on all fours and started climbing up the wall like a salamander, the twins shrieking in glee and holding on- it wasn’t as if they really had to, though, he wasn’t about to let them fall. He’d make sure of that.
So when a he reached the top and there was less weight on his head, he felt his heart drop. He reached down, hoping to snag whichever twin had fallen before they could hit the ground.
When he didn’t catch anything, he gulped, looking down at the ground, afraid of what he might see.
After all, he may have been a creature of chaos, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed physically harming ponies... not on purpose, at least.
He didn’t see anything.
He furrowed his brow, scanning the floor. He knew that one of the foals had fallen, he was certain...
So the last thing he needed was the other tumbling off, right?
Right.
So of course that was exactly what happened.
He whipped around when he heard a little giggle, watching in surprise as Pound purposely jumped off of the draconequus, beating his wings and joining his sister, who was-
No.
No, that wasn’t possible.
She was levitating herself.
That may have explained why she wasn’t on the floor, but that raised many more questions. A unicorn at that age shouldn’t be able to do anything close to that, she shouldn’t be nearly that advanced in her magic. Discord doubted if even Twilight Sparkle had been able to do this at her age.
These two were absurdly powerful.
Wait.
These two were absurdly powerful.
Oh, this would be fun.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
It was interesting to just be able to observe chaos instead of directly causing it. All he had really done was put them on the ceiling and ushered them out of the bedroom, then sat back and watched, casting a simple invisibility spell.
Somehow, that was easier then cotton candy clouds.
Well, he’d learned not to question chaos magic long ago.
“Pound, you get down here, young colt!” Pinkie looked up at the foal, her mane even more frazzled and frizzed than normal. He simply drooled in response, and Pinkie ducked, so the stream of saliva wouldn’t touch her. This baby chase had been going on for about an hour now, but it hadn’t gotten any less amusing, as the twins seemingly had boundless energy, and Pinkie had limitless ideas of how to catch them. She had somehow pulled a cherrypicker out of somewhere- he had to appreciate the creativity that mare possessed, really- and was halfway to the ceiling when Pumpkin floated down, actually dissolving into the floor.
Discord had to contain his laughter as Pinkie’s eyes widened and she groaned, trying to decide whether to try and catch the filly or the colt. She realized that at this point, she was probably closer to Pound, and started towards him... only to have him divebomb to the floor.
He landed with a skid and a little tumble, looking at the mare in surprise, waiting for her to react. She looked at him in concern, making her way back down to the floor. “Aw, are you okay, Pound?”
The colt sniffled, wobbling back to his feet- and immediately took off again.
“Pound!”
She groaned again, galloping after him, stopping when she heard a shriek from downstairs. “Pumpkin?”
The draconequus couldn’t tell if the shriek was just a baby noise, or if the filly was in pain, so he slithered downstairs, grinning when he saw that the filly was not only fine, but had made her way into the supplies of buttercream frosting, and was currently eating all she could. It seemed that she had already guzzled down a piping bag’s worth of the stuff, and didn’t seem like she had any intention of stopping there.
A magically gifted unicorn filly with power fluctuations on a sugar high?
Perfect.
Pinkie dashed down the stairs, Pound buzzing behind, the tension leaving her body as she saw Pumpkin, even giving a little giggle.
“Alright, you- I’m not one to say no to frosting, but you already had breakfast, and you’ll get a tummyache if you-” she was interrupted as Pound dove to the ground again, landing, and jumping on the piping bags gleefully, spattering frosting everywhere.
Pinkie caught an impressive amount in her mouth, determined not to waste a drop of the sugary goop, but the walls were still covered in the stuff... and so was Discord. His long, snakelike body was now quite visible, dripping in a variety of colors.
Pinkie barely batted an eye at this. She looked at him, rose an eyebrow, and grabbed his tail in her teeth.
He yelped in pain as her teeth clamped on his tail, clawing at the ground. “Hey! Gentle- gentle, Pinkie Pie!” he stopped clawing at the floor, realizing it wasn’t really doing as much as he’d hoped. “Really, my dear, if you want something, you can just tell me. No need to be so forceful about it.”
She released him, then pointed at the twins. He took the opportunity to clean himself up a bit, turning the frosting to soda and shaking himself off like a dog. He was still a bit sticky, but infinitely cleaner. He turned his attention back to Pinkie and the twins, groaning when she went, “You’re helping.” Pumpkin was currently trying to eat a mixing spoon as Pound was busy smashing eggs under his itty bitty hooves.
“Now, whatever do you want me to do? They seem to be managing quite well on their own.”
She looked at him firmly. “Go upstairs, and start running a bath. They needed one before, but now they really need it.”
“But-”
“No buts! You helped them cause this mess, so you get to help clean it up!” to his surprise, she smiled. “You had your fun, right? And I think the twins did too! But it’s almost time for their nap, and we gotta clean everything up, and we gotta feed ‘em their bottles and give them a bath and calm them down. And since you didn’t help me get them under control when they were flying around, you get to help me now.”
He blinked. “You knew I was watching you?”
“Nope! Well, my right ear was itchier than usual and my tail felt floppy, meaning somepony was watching me, but somepony’s always watching me! Sometimes they’re not even ponies! So I ignored it,” she shrugged, then beamed. He couldn’t fathom why she was so happy. “I’m actually really glad you were watching! ‘Cause I was so worried that whenever I was chasing after Pound, Pumpkin wasn’t being looked after, and vice versa! But since you were watching all of us, I know they were safe and sound!”
Huh. He hadn’t thought of it that way... “So you’re thanking me for not stepping in?”
“Well, no. It woulda been really super of you if you’d helped me out, but I’ll bet it was funny to watch me run around after them, even if it wasn’t actually fun to do, so I don’t blame you!” she wiped some frosting from her muzzle and gulped it down happily. She trotted to the twins, pulling Discord behind her. “Now whatever you do, Dissy, don’t say the ‘B’ word!”
The draconequus blinked, and, without thinking, asked, “You mean bath?”
Pinkie Pie looked at him in horror as the twins stopped what they were doing, looked at the pair of adults, and bolted.
The mare whimpered, dashing after Pound. “You get Pumpkin!”
Discord started after the little unicorn, slithering and scrabbling around the kitchen, knocking things over and spilling flour and generally making a huge mess. He grinned when, after about fifteen minutes of this, he cornered the child- only for him to be nearly screaming in frustration when she teleported away.
It really wasn’t fun to be on the other end of this...
He groaned, deciding to start with Pinkie’s room- mostly because that was the least childproofed place in the house, thanks to his (and Screwball’s) modifications. Meaning that if she was in there, she needed to get out of there as soon as possible.
Fate seemed to have decided to give the draconequus a bit of a break, because he found the baby giggling to herself, bouncing on the mattress. He breathed a sigh of relief, tiptoeing over to the child and scooping her up. “I’ve got you!”
To his surprise, she giggled, batting at his beard. There was now frosting and flour and sugar all over the mattress, but, seeing as it was made of jello, it wasn’t too big of a deal. It was already edible, after all.
He hoisted the child over his shoulder. “Alright, let’s go,” he made his way into the bathroom, placing her in the tub. She looked up at him, hurt and betrayal in her eyes.
“Now, now, don’t look at me like that, my dear,” he held up a talon, then started to run the taps. She watched in wonder as liquids and soaps of all colors and textures and viscosities- and flavors, actually- bubbled through the taps, producing a rainbow of colors. “See? It’s not so bad.” she giggled, splashing the water with her little hooves. She reached for a bottle of shampoo and gummed on it, until Discord pulled it away. He was pretty sure that shampoo bottles weren’t good for foals. She looked at him, starting to get teary, so he poofed up a little rubber Celestia toy for her to chew on, beaming when she went straight for the alicorn’s squishy head.
How precious.
He so hoped she would bite it off.
“Discord?” Pinkie had entered the bathroom, Pound in tow, and looked at the pair in shock, her voice hoarse. “You actually got her in the bath?” Pound looked alarmed at that word, and tried to flitter away, but she had quite the grip on the squirming pegasus. She placed him in next to his sister, smiling, although she looked very tired. “She’s not even crying or anything! You’re really, really good with them, Dissy!”
He raised an eyebrow, pretending to be offended, despite the fact he hadn’t actually done much other then placing her in and turning on the faucets. “You sound surprised, Pinkie.”
She shrugged, changing the colors in the taps to distract Pound, who still seemed a bit upset. “Yeah, a little. I shouldn’t be though, huh? You already said you like kids!”
He was about to answer when Pound smacked the water, creating a large splash, completely soaking the draconequus. He spluttered slightly, as Pinkie tried to contain her laughter.
She couldn’t contain it for long, though, and soon enough she was in a fit of giggles. Discord looked at the mare in amusement, and did what any mature, ten thousand something year old deity would do in that situation.
He splashed her, so she was just as soaked as he was.
Blue eyes widened in shock, then sparkled mischieviously. She pulled out a huge water gun from... somewhere, and filled it up, spraying him in the face. The god grinned and pulled out a hose, spraying the mare. Pinkie, in return, pulled out a bucket and filled it up, swinging the water towards Discord, drenching him.
Well, the twins could see where this was going. They looked at each other and grinned, turning on all the faucets on the tub and shrieking with glee as the bathroom dissolved into a full fledged water fight. Shampoo was flung through the air, soap bubbles floated in the sky, the tub very nearly flooded, and a bar of soap came very close to being digested... and they had just gotten started. This would go down as the most amazing water fight ever, and everypony in the room knew it.
Alas, fate had other plans, and the history books were robbed of a very amusing battle by the sound of a doorbell ringing.
Pinkie screwed up her face in annoyance, and stopped pumping the water gun, tossing it to the ground. “Dissy, you watch them, okay? I’ll be right back. Oh, and soap their manes, please?”
The draconequus waved a hand, already trying to show the foals how to squirt water out of their mouths.
She trotted downstairs and opened the door. “Hi, I’m super sorry, but we’re not open now- oh, hi Twilight! Never mind. I mean, not never mind that we’re not open, because we still aren’t, but never mind because I don’t think you came here for that! Or maybe you did, but-”
“Why are you all wet?” the unicorn cut her off, quirking an eyebrow at her friend’s appearance.
“Oh, bath time! The twins got really messy-”
“Did you just leave them in the bath? Alone?!” the mare looked alarmed at the prospect, and was about to rush in when Pinkie stopped her.
“Of course not, silly filly! Dissy’s watching them!”
Twilight looked even more alarmed. “He’s doing what?!”
Pinkie shrugged. “He’s actually really good with them! He even got Pumpkin in the bath without her crying!”
Twilight looked at her in disbelief- that was a big deal. A very big deal. Pinkie had told Twilight about the many losing battles she had had with the twins, usually ending in her covered with flour and the twins being messier than they had been before.
Discord getting even one of them in the bath without a fuss was... impressive, at least.
“And Pumpkin didn’t look... gray to you?”
All the good humor that had been on Pinkie’s face drained away as soon as she said that. “Discord didn’t manipulate Pumpkin. He didn’t discord a foal just to get her in a bath, Twilight.” she looked at Twilight, a little disgusted, to be frank. “And he didn’t discord me to say this either, before you ask.”
Luckily, Twilight had realized her mistake and was flushed with embarrassment. “I- I know. That was wrong of me to- no, he wouldn’t, I...” she looked at Pinkie, looking very small indeed. “I’m sorry.”
The mare nodded, and the normal smile returned to her face. The unicorn had to marvel at how quick the turnaround was, although she was grateful for it. “Apology accepted!” she laughed, then let her smile fade. “But you really shouldn’t say those sort of things.” then she perked up again. “So, why’d you some over anyway?”
“Oh!” she started, then opened her saddlebag, levitating a letter towards Pinkie. “It’s actually about Discord- he just has some mail, and I figured he’d want to read it. I know I would- I haven’t though, of course!” she assured Pinkie. “Not my business or my mail.” then she looked at Pinkie again, and cleared her throat. “I also wanted to tell him that...” she sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Pinkie Pie looked confused. “Well, I’m really glad you’re apologizing, but I don’t think he heard you-”
“No, it’s not about that. He’ll know what I mean. Tell him that... I still don’t trust him, and I don’t like him, but... I have a lot to think about. He gave me a lot to think about.”
Pinkie blinked, then nodded. “Okie dokie loki!”
Twilight looked at Pinkie again, then nodded. “Be sure to give that to him, alright?” then she turned on hoof and started on her way home.
Pinkie shrugged and popped the letter into her hair for safekeeping before hopping back up the stairs.
“-I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your abstract view of things, Pumpkin, but I really have to be frank- it’s really not that good. You need creativity, too, not just abstraction, otherwise it just ends up a jumbled mess. And honestly, my dear, that isn’t any fun.”
Pinkie giggled, making her way over to the tub. “Whatcha doin’?”
He motioned to the tub. “We were trying to make a model of Cloudsdale, but somepony doesn’t understand the difference between a beautiful, incomprehensible abstract view of the world and just a mess,” he glared down at the little unicorn as she moved the suds with her hooves.
Pinkie raised a brow. “Well, maybe that’s right, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that she’s actually only a year old and just wants to play with bubbles!”
Said child blew a little spit bubble in response.
Pound, feeling left out, took the chance to cover his sister in suds. The filly blabbered and splashed the colt back.
Discord grinned, reaching for his hose. So the water fight was back on, huh? Well, he’d-
“Alright, let’s get you two dried up!”
What.
“Dissy, can you grab the towels?”
He blinked, then furrowed his brow, holding up the hose.
Pinkie looked at him regretfully. “Yeah, I know, that would have been the most awesometacular fight scene ever! But it’s almost one, and if the twins aren’t in bed by one, then we won’t have time to clean up before the Cakes get home! And if I don’t clean up they’ll think I’m a bad babysitter, and they’ll never let me watch the foals again!”
He groaned, grabbing the towels, practically pouting.
“Hey, cheer up, Dissy! Next time, we can have a really really big fight- maybe with hot sauce instead of water! ... But then if it gets in your eyes that would hurt... Chocolate milk maybe, or apple juice. Oooh, or pudding! We can have a giant pudding fight!”
He scooped up Pound, thinking. That did sound better than a water fight. “Fine. But we play by my rules.”
“Okay! What kinda rules are those?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I suppose we’ll just improvise.”
“Oh, those are the best rules!” she laughed, rubbing Pumpkin down until she was dry and warm and fuzzy.
He smiled in agreement, wrapping the towel around the colt, drying him off. Pound giggled and squirmed, cooing. It was disgustingly adorable. Discord grimaced.
Pinkie laughed, rolled her eyes, took Pound and placed him on her back, carrying Pumpkin between her teeth. “Time for all good foals to go to bed!” she said, muffled. Pumpkin whined and Pound started to smack her back in annoyance, causing her to wince. “Pound, stoppit!” the foal didn’t stop, of course, making Pinkie ask, “Dissy? Lend me a hoof?”
Discord took the child in one talon, keeping a tight grip as he squirmed. He raised the pegasus so they were eye level, glaring at the boy. He prodded the child’s chest and spat out a simple, “No.”
The child laughed and let out a raspberry.
Again, Discord did what any mature god would do in that situation.
He blew one right back.
Feeling left out, Pumpkin joined them, and Pinkie laughed, shaking her head. “Okay you three,” she smiled, wrapping her tail around Discord’s slender form and pulling him behind her. “Let’s go!”
They made their way to the nursery, and Pinkie placed Pumpkin in her crib, latching it up and bundling in her covers, tucking the child in, singing softly. “There you all, safe and sound!” the filly whined, reaching for a large stuffed butterfly sticking out of her toybox. Pinkie smiled and went to go get the toy, leaving Discord to tend to Pound.
The chimera plopped the baby in the crib and tossed a blanket towards him. The child looked at him, confused, and babbled.
“You gotta tuck him in, Dissy,” Pinkie giggled, looking at the pair in amusement.
He looked at the foal. “... Right. Yes, of course.” her took the blanket and wrapped it around Pound loosely. It fell off almost immediately, and Pound looked up at him, very unimpressed.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “Discord, you know how to-”
“Of course I do! I am ten thousand years old, my dear, I’m relatively certain I can tuck a foal into bed.”
“Okie dokie!” she smiled. “Let’s see then!”
“I-... I beg your pardon?”
“If you don’t need my help, then I wanna see you do it!” she sat down, watching intently, that silly grin still on her face.
Discord glared at her, then turned his attention back to the colt. He took the blanket, frowning, and wrapped it around a little tighter. Pound squirmed uncomfortably, and whined. Pumpkin, who was already half asleep, amazingly enough, shifted at the noise, her little brow furrowing.
“You need to-”
“I know what I’m doing!” he snapped and adjusted the blanket, placing the foal down. He seemed tight enough, so he started to leave.
“Latch the crib,” Pinkie prompted. Discord groaned and went back to fix it, then started to leave, yet again.
“He looks unhappy.”
“And?”
“And you need to fix it! That’s a part of tucking somepony in!”
He looked at the foal blankly. The baby stared right back, wings buzzing in irritation. The only things he could really think of doing to cheer him up would excite him, and if he was trying to nap, that was the last thing he needed.
Pinkie watched Discord think, before laughing softly. She briefly wondered why he didn’t know what being tucked in was like, but shook it off. He was pretty old, he probably just couldn’t recall it. “Here, watch me!” she trotted over to the crib, taking Pound in her arms, cooing and singing. The foal smiled softly and gave a tiny yawn, reaching out to play with her hair. Pinkie giggled, rocking him gently, watching as he squeaked. His eyes started to droop and he snuggled deeper into her chest.
She smiled, putting him into his crib and latching it up quietly. She started to trot away as Discord looked at the crib, impressed. He quickly shook his head, following her outside. “I could have done that.”
She rolled her eyes, smiling knowingly. “I’m sure you could have.” before he could argue she reached into her mane. “Here, this is for you. Twilight came over with it. She also says she’s sorry. I don’t know why she’d be sorry, but she says you would, so there you go!”
Sorry? Twilight Sparkle was sorry? He grinned. That was too rich! He took the letter with interest, opening it and scanning it over.
Discord,
I have to say, although this request doesn’t come as a surprise to me, your reasoning does.
I must admit, when I drained your powers, I thought I considered all the possible consequences of doing so. Apparently I did not.
I’m thrilled to see that you are at least attempting to take some responsibility.
Therefore, I have increased your power supply from ten to thirty percent. Hopefully this is enough to train your daughter. You may have noticed a difference already.
Come to think of it... he hadn’t had a headache since he’d woken up.
I also feel I need to tell you something.
The decision to drain your power was not an easy one by any means, and it is still something I’m not entirely comfortable with, considering what happened the last time Luna and I attempted such a thing. I feel I have left you with enough power to remain stable, especially now, but I still have to ask something of you.
Of course she did.
If you feel any symptoms, any weakness or pains that seem above normal for the spell I’ve cast, I urge you to tell me immediately. I understand if you don’t believe me, but Luna and I do not want to lose you, Discord.
She was right. He didn’t believe her.
All that was left in the note was her signature, and a small P.S, that said that Luna said hi. He smiled a bit at that.
He looked at the note, hardly believing it. She had given him more of his powers back? And so willingly?
“So, what’s it say? Is it from the Princess?”
He chuckled. “It appears I’ve been given some more of my powers back, so I can train Screwball.”
“Really?” she asked. “Lemme see that!” the mare hopped up and took the letter, looking it over. She frowned. “... Last time? What happened last time?”
He snatched the letter back and shook his head, not about to tell the story for a second time in twenty four hours. “That’s another story for another time, my dear. Or you can ask Twilight if you’d prefer, I suppose.”
She shook her head, a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. “No, I’ll just ask later, I think I should hear it from you.” Then she smiled, and grabbed his tail. “Now c’mon, the kitchen isn’t gonna clean itself!”
He groaned. “But that’s boring!”
She stopped suddenly. “Now, Discord, I’m surprised at you! You really think I’d let it be boring?” She pulled out two sets of scrub-brush shoes- one set with four shoes, the other with two. “It’ll be just like the soap roads!” she giggled, pulling him along downstairs.
Alright, so that might be fun.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
When the Cakes came home from their convention, they were surprised, and a bit amused, to find the bright pink pony and and the god of chaos gliding around their soapy kitchen, performing lifts, twists, turns, jumps, and other impressive feats.
Both were surprisingly skilled skaters, and the couple simply watched for a moment as Discord lifted Pinkie in the air to reach a bit of frosting that had been flung there, adding an unnecessary spin to the whole routine.
“Dissy, quit it!” Pinkie laughed as the draconequus tossed her into the air, beaming when he caught her again. Discord was just about to respond when Pinkie took his hand and spun him around, giggling as she proceeded to dip him. Discord looked at her in surprise and burst out laughing.
They watched the display a little longer, Carrot growing more and more confused as he watched. In fact, he was about to interrupt them, but Cup shook her head gently, ushering him away to check on the twins, a knowing smile on her face.