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It was painful. It hurt. Who’d have thought the little guy would grow up to kick flanks like that?
Eh, had she known… Well, nothing, really. She wasn’t treating her friends differently whether they could beat her up or not. That had nothing to do with it.
Unlike others!
The thought flared with bitterness. She could still see the others turning their back on her, literally turn their back! Just upfront left her to deal with a rampaging dragon boy, with the admitted wish that it would kill her!
She’d show them! She’d make them understand just what it meant to betray her!
She swerved to the side, evading the furious blow with ease. Everything was almost telegraphed. Spike might have been rampaging, but he was also a kid with no experience or even idea on how to fight.
Ah! All power, no technique. He wasn’t a real threat to her, Rainbow Dash, self-proclaimed best pegasus in Equestria and soon-to-be dragon slayer. Oh yeah, ten minutes top, then there would be a lifetime supply of wallet material in Ponyville.
Then what? Relish in the pain that it would cause Twilight? Ah, that sounded pretty funny. Two birds with one stone and all that!
Two birds…
R-right! It would be awesome to just flatten Spike into a pancake and show Twilight how painful it was… to lose a friend…
(A grey gem flashed red.)
Nonsense! What was up with her?! Why was she acting all mushy?! They’d betrayed her! THEY HAD BEEN THE ONE THAT HAD BEEN DISLOYAL!
But the image that flashed before her eyes wasn’t that of a nerdy unicorn. The figure had talons and a beak, great wings that were even stronger than hers. The voice was rougher, with a sharp edge to it. The memory changed rapidly, from a younger to an older form, from their first meeting to their last. Another door, this one closed in her face.
‘No!’ she could not help but think.
And, as she vainly tried to forget those memories, she noticed that thinking about this loss left her with a hollow cavity within her guts.
It tasted bitter to remember, to see the parallels now. She didn’t want to go through that, not with her greatest friends, not again. Deep down, there still existed a flicker of hope that Gilda would come back, that she would apologize and that they’d be friends like nothing had ever happened! A lot of time may have passed, but that wasn’t enough to burst her bubbles.
She had faith that her friend would come back someday. It hadn’t been a lie. What they had had together? Had been real, no doubt about it. She’d seen her cry – once, but that was far more than anypony in the whole of Equestria could say about a griffon. They had been friends, real friends, for years, and they had had each other’s’ back for as long as she could remember.
One day…
And… hay… if she could keep hoping for Gilda, what stopped her from believing in the others? They’d… left her to die… DIE! How could she ever trust them after that?! She had never ever thought such a thing could ever happen, it just seemed so unbelievable, that was why it hurt so much. She hadn’t seen it coming, she’d trusted them!
But of course Fluttershy would just leave her alone in pain. It was just like Applejack to throw her in the mud so she can stay ahead. And Twilight could be such a stuck-up egghead!
A shadow started to cover her body again, and she knew why there was a hole in her chest where the warmth used to be.
Pinkie had left her!
(Yet she would not ditch her when it was just taking the fall for a prank.)
Huh…
(Cheers – lame cheers, she thought – for the biggest competition in her life.)
(A dragon… A red dragon, looking over her, then…)
Fluttershy.
(A tearful confession, the first time the madness had washed over Equestria and a group hug the very next second.)
She’d chosen, she had chosen Cloudsdale!
(“We understand, Rainbow. He tricked everypony.”)
How could her friends leave her like that? It just didn’t fit.
(The Element of Loyalty started to shine.)
How was it even possible?
And, with a chuckle, she remembered very eggheadish words. “Often the simplest solution is the right one.”
“WHAT’S SO FUNNY, RAINBOW TRASH?!”
That one hit her square in the back.
She thought she would pass out for a second. Everything around her had exploded in white pain. It had flashed in her eyes, then she came to meet the ground. The air was brutally knocked out of her.
Her head was swimming, thoughts happening in disorder. Her wings were sore, though thankfully not broken. She had no idea if the same could be said for her legs, or anything else inside. Nausea made her breathing shallow.
“Y-you know…” she slurred, staggering to her hooves. “I let my anger… get the better of me. I let my passion get the best of me. I’m hot-blooded, I know that, Spike. But I know other things too.”
She looked up, saw him on the verge of crushing her and ending this. She wasn’t that worried.
(There was warmth over her chest, warmth that upset the agony and soothed her mind.)
“Loyalty is a two-way street.” Her voice was kept light, even though she swore it should have trembled. “You don’t see it if there isn’t anyone there with you. Without anyone or anything there, you’ll just fly in a straight line.”
“AH!” The dragon bellowed in laughter. “I guess that explains why you never fly well. It’s always the crash and trash with you! Eh, if I knew, I would have gone out of my way just to make sure I was one more reason for you to faceplant.”
She ignored it, in part due to long time practice at no paying attention to mocking words. Her voice was stronger, and she looked at him in earnest. “Except, you know Spike, it was never an issue for me to fly ahead, I’ve always trust them to have my back. That’s why backstabs hurt.”
There was silence. This time, he could not bring himself to laugh. Neither could she. The memory was still much too raw.
“But, even now, when I think about it…” She heard the dragon snort, making an acidic comment under his breath, but she paid it no mind. “It doesn’t make sense. Why would they do this to me? To you?”
And with her question, Spike became immobile, any and all retort dying in his throat. He seemed hesitant, one paw risen but unmoving, with a haze over the emerald of his eyes.
“The truth, Spike? They wouldn’t. Our friends are not that kind of ponies. This whole thing? I don’t believe it, and if it is real, then I’ll do my earnest to change it.”
A thunderous rumble grew into the air, while the dragon’s jaws made a hateful snarl.
“Come at me, Spike,” she asked, gently, without bravado. It was no taunt or challenge, just a request, like one would ask their friends, and it sounded gentle. “I know you’re not that kind of dragon. You’re the little guy that Twilight raised. You’re the dragon that would bend over backward for Rarity because you like to help her. You’re the one that laughs without even a hint of bitterness when Pinkie and I play pranks on you. You’re our friend. And all of us ought to have treated you better than we did. So, let’s start over again.”
Her hoof was extended without a hint of doubt or hesitation.
His green eyes fell on it and flickered. Just for a moment, he seemed like he wanted nothing more than take it, and cry his eyes out to her. Then, he roared.
With staggering speed, Spike launched himself forward, his right paw falling over her body and pinning it to the ground. The left was high above his head, his claws reflected the sunlight.
She was at his mercy.
“Well, too late for that!” Spike thundered. “If you hadn’t noticed, they’re all gone! They all told you how little they cared about you! About ME!”
The dragon’s tears fell, and, for all his strength and height on her, Rainbow Dash could no longer see anything other than the nice little boy that had followed them around.
She waved it off, showed the concerns were misplaced. Lies, so to speak.
“I’m pretty sure they’ll come around. They won’t be able to live without our collective awesomeness. I know it.” Rainbow Dash grinned, cocky, confident, with all the courage that made her the number one candidate for the Wonderbolts. Every ounce of her faith was turned toward the rampaging friend that stared at her with anger. “Just like I know, Spike, that you’re not going to do this. We’re friends.”
It shook. In the air, above their heads, the paw shook, as did the boy’s resolve. His gaze held a question for her, one that he feared too much to ask himself. Could he? Could he actually do it?
She did not falter. Nor let up her confidence.
When the claws came down, she didn’t move.
--
She was still chasing her, she did not want to give up yet. Gray or not, she was still the Pink…ie Pie and that meant everypony was happy around her. E-even if that ‘everypony’ dwindled into just one pony that kept ignoring her again… and again… and again…
She wasn’t crying, Pinkie Swear! She had to help Twilight! That was number one priority!
It was why she had ran after her, in the middle of the town and stopped her at the town square.
“Twilight… please…” she begged. “I-I just want to make you smile…”
“Damn it, Pinkie!” Twilight snarled, her face so uncharacteristically hostile. “Can’t you get a clue?! You’re making it worse!”
She was only trying to help…
“Just leave. You hear me? LEAVE!” And her horn glowed to grab a nearby fruit from the stalls to hurl at her.
It squished against her forehead, hitting her square between the eyes and splashing sticky juice all over her face. It didn’t really hurt… not physically. No, nothing could really compare to seeing one of her bestest friend pick up another object to throw at her.
Shaking, she offered a very flashy pink cupcake to the scowling mare that was her friend. “You’re closing up on everypony… Please come back to us…”
“I can’t believe how dense you are. Don’t you understand?! I don’t want to see you! All you ever do is play and make fun of others and act like nothing is ever important! You’ll never understand me! I don’t want you as a friend!”
‘I don’t want you as a friend…’ those words hurt so so much. It was like a tummy ache, except a lot stronger, as if her heart was deflating just like her party balloons. She almost started sniffling, right there, because she really didn’t want to lose her precious friends. Yet, there was a little something else she noticed, not much, but it was enough to pull the light bulb in her head and push it over her head.
With a confident smile, she pulled the trigger and the bulb shone bright.
“No, Twilight!” She pushed away the new source of light and stashed it away for a later emergency. This was another kind of emergency, one that required her to be a light in the dark. And shine she would! “YOU’RE the one that doesn’t understand!”
For a second, Twilight stared at her with a frown, though the corners of her mouth were starting to move downward. Oh she was angry, annoyed that this one Pinkie Pie was not giving up so easily, but being implied not to know something was a sour spot so obvious that it made her just curious enough to hold her tongue.
“Can’t you see, silly?” She giggled. “It’s never been about me and the funny things. Even if they’re fun and I like doing that, it’s not for me.”
The purple unicorn faltered, her prepared harsh words withering before even leaving her mouth.
“It’s about showing you a little something more to live for.” She poked Twilight in the chest, then grabbed her and pointed over the horizon, the sun rising in the brightening dawn. “It’s about showing you that even in the dark, even when you can’t find it in you to giggle at the ghostly, there’re friends that will do it for you! Even if it means learning ventriloquism and put on a Twilight mask.”
Then, there was one such lavender colored and flavored and perfumed mask over her face, and she adjusted her voice just like one would do to be as close to the original as possible.
“The link between a word and its reality is the accumulation of all a pony’s experience with the reality the word refers to,” she said very formally, with the tone Miss Cheerilee used in her classes. “Hay, we’ll go to the Mirror Pool together, then you’ll be able to listen to yourself reciting theories and have somepony understand it all, as an equal! That would be fun, right?”
“Stop, stop, stop!” her friend shouted. “I don’t need you! You’re a clown that doesn’t understand loss!”
She dropped the mask and slowly came to a halt, a long and saddened sigh leaving her chest.
“Twilight, I’m really super-duper sorry about what happened to your father, but you can’t let it dictate your life. When Granny Pie died, I thought not a single party in the world could ever make me happy…” She pawed at the ground, the precious memories flowing back in her mind and showing her all the best granny in Equestria did for her… “But I did mourn her and I did come back. You need courage to triumph over this hardship.”
The unicorn’s eyes flared up dangerously. “Pinkie, stop it! I told you I don’t want your help! WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!”
Pinkie’s eyes widened and couldn’t summon her voice.
But when the ‘grief’-stricken unicorn turned around, a satisfied smile on her lips, she came face-to-face with a pair of steely, determined, teary blue eyes. Before she had even made a gasping noise, a pink hoof covered her mouth and another moved to pull her closer.
“Right now, you’re in that dark place where it’s hard to laugh. You’ve been there for months now and the others just leave you there because you ask! You’re in the hooves of that cold sadness that just sticks to the fur like a badly balanced baked goods batter! You’re sad, you can’t find it in you to get over the loss and you’re stuck in there, but I’m going to dive headfirst in it as if it was chocolate pudding. Chocolate, PUDDING! You hear me?!” she suddenly shouted, her face turning red and her eyes narrowing threateningly. “Your father would want you to move on, to pull through this sadness. And. We. Will. Pull. Through.”
Twilight’s eyes widened almost comically. AS swiftly as possible by the laws of physic, she nodded to placate the clearly mad mare advancing on her and punctuating her words with wild stomps.
“TOGETHER!”
The unicorn stumbled to keep her balance. No! She was losing control of the situation! She had to-!
She blinked and in the time she had done that, a cannon’s barrel had appeared to stare at her. A pastel blue cannon, manned by one very pink and very passionate earth pony. Who also seemed to be holding a trigger rope in her hooves.
“So get ready, Twilight Sparkle, ‘CAUSE HERE COMES PINKAMENA. DIANE. PIE!”
The Element of Laughter ignited and confetti flew.
--
“I’m so glad Discord is banished and his [censored] is dead. Those monsters deserved it.”
“Yeah!”
Fluttershy… Fluttershy had been the one to say it.
The others had quickly agreed. She had agreed to. That was a lie the truth after all. No need to get her tail in a twist about it. She was just happy to be with her friends. She was happy that the problems had been solved, that things were back t-to nor-… to normal.
She ignored the bile rising in her throat.
Rarity had grabbed her hoof and had demanded confirmation from her that she wished nothing more than to accompany her on a few weeks long trip to Canterlot and Fillydelphia, all to get royal treatment. No farming for a while, her true passion was in mane care.
Of course she agreed.
She loved frou-frouey stuff. It was the best.
Like this tea. Delicious. Simply delicious, a pleasant grace on her tongue, something that made alicorns sing gospels in her ears.
Ah… haha… Her mouth stretched into an unconvincing smile. The others all bought it.
And Twilight started talking about her project to join the hoofball team led by Rarity’s father. She had always dreamed of it.
There was insanity at play here. She knew that, or perhaps she simply had persuaded herself that there was. She could not tell the difference nowadays.
Or could she?
Consarnit! Why couldn’t she just have this much?! She wanted her family to be happy and safe! She wanted her friends to be the same, all Ponyville, and Equestria and even beyond that! That was the most important thing. The rest? Details.
She had it, right now. Everypony was happy. It just hinged on a little white lie.
Spike walked by the corner of her eyes, carrying a tray of tea cups for them to pick. When he gave one to Rarity personally, he received a quick peck on the cheek and a nice compliment that made him blush bashfully. His laugh was such a nice sound.
She had a soft spot for kids like Spike: hardworking, honest and with his heart on his foreleg. He really deserved the best, just like her friends did.
Deserved the best of herself.
She took one long shaky breath, then placed the cup back on the table.
“Sorry, Ah’m not really a fan of this one.”
Complete silence fell over the table.
Twilight eyed her curiously. “Surely you don’t mean that, Applejack. Don’t you love tea? You said you did just a minute ago.”
“You would not want to insult our dear Spikey-Wikey’s cooking, right?” Rarity added lovingly toward the little dragon.
(She heard a crystalline sound coming from around her neck.)
Her hoof returned to her chest. No, no, no! She couldn’t let herself be swayed, not anymore. It was like biting her tongue, swallowing a bitter remedy from Granny, but, albeit not fun at all, it was necessary!
She didn’t get to choose what was real or not.
“Bloom’s still gray, ain’t she?”
“Don’t worry, silly,” the Pinkie lookalike said while throwing her hooves in the air. “I saw all three crusaders looking really happy this morning. I have a feeling they are going to earn their cutie mark soon.”
The pink mare winked and giggled, nudging her sides as if to ask ‘That would be the best thing for them, right? RIGHT? Come on, you know that’s the bestest thing ever, don’t deny it!’
Her heart squeezed. Oh, that was just unfair! She already had to see her little sister fail to get the point over and over again, with that sweet filly getting disappointed every time. It felt like a blow to the chest. But…
(An apple jewel turned orange. Ironically enough.)
She looked her most refined friend in the eyes. “Opal still can’t get along with mah brother, right?”
Rainbow Dash’s raspy voice joined the debate. “Opal is only the most loving cat in town, Applejack. It would never and NEVER did hurt your brother. In fact, your brother is spectacularly healthy and his work is so good the farm is not in any danger. That’s what we’re celebrating, remember?”
“Say an apple’s an orange, believe it or not, it’s still a lie.”
“What are you going on about, Applejack?” Rarity stood up, a frown of concern appearing on her face.
“Hay,” she snorted, struck by an amusing notion. “Ah might even say that mean ol’ snake will win, Ah might believe it with all mah heart, but that won’t ever make it true.”
Her friends froze. She, on the other hoof, stood with all her might, throwing her sitting cushion against the closest bookshelf. She ripped the tablecloth from her neck, pulled the pin away from her mane and let it loose. If there had been a puddle of mud around, she would have jumped in it just to prove the point.
She looked at each and every one of her friends in turns, glaring so hard that they were unable to even meet her gaze. Not even Rainbow Dash dared this time. “The Truth is, it hurts, it’s a darn’ root in the road yeh trip on, but it’s still there, even if yeh decide not to look at it!”
Her hoof collided with the table, threw off every empty cup off it while Fluttershy and Rarity scrambled to get them. Under their breaths, they were muttering about the delicious tea spilling.
She gritted her teeth harder. How could she ever let them do that to her?! She was even ashamed of letting them play the darn role.
“An’ the Truth, the one true thing here, it’s that none of y’all would ever say: ‘We killed somepony, who cares?’. It ain’t right, and if yeh think y’all can make me swallow THAT snake, yeh’ve got another thing comin’!”
“Hey! You were on board at the time, don’t blame it all on us!” Rainbow Dash shouted hotly.
“No! Ah won’t shut up, Rainbow! Just like y’all shouldn’t!”
Her heart was pounding so hard it made her head spin. This was nonsense! She’d given up for a whole fat load of nothing.
“Spare a lil’ feeling, hide a lil’ fault, just go the easier route, eh?” she asked with as biting an irony she could make. “There’s a sayin’ in mah family: ‘Tartarus is reached one step at a time’. An’ guess what? Ah’m not heading there, an’ yeh’d be a mighty fool thinkin’ Ah’ll let y’all walk down that path!”
She forced her hoof into Twilight’s mouth, who had looked just about ready to give a longwinded explanation on how she was delusional.
“Ah see the Truth, and Ah’m not looking away this time!” she declared with a tone that accepted no compromise.
(The Element on her chest became akin to a burning star.)
“This ain’t Ponyville!” She jumped on the table, startling all the fakes. “Yer not mah friends!” Her legs slammed against the wooden structure, shaking it to its foundation and beyond. The hit made her breath harder, but it did nothing to dim the light that had wrapped itself in her eyes and her Element of Harmony. Rearing, she shouted at the top of her lungs. “AN’ AH’VE GOT A RATTLESNAKE’S BUTT TO BUCK INTO NEXT TUESDAY!”
The world around her shattered.
Her hooves fell heavily onto the ground, onto the bed of rock she had been standing on all along.
The Element of Honesty was a bright light into the darkness, allowing her to see farther into the cave than she could even realize. It helped her understand at least one thing.
The others weren’t around. They had probably been taken somewhere, and it had been her hotheaded actions that had caused it. Nopony else could take the blame for it. It was all on her, so it was up to her now to own up to it. That was fine with her, she wanted the lesson she learned to stick.
Taking a deep breath, she allowed her mind to clear, to see the right path to take, not just the first one that she could see. Discord had played her like a fiddle again.
‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.’
It wouldn’t happen again.
Tilting her Stetson over her eyes, Applejack let her face become a mask of calm fury. “Time to put mah money where mah mouth is.”
--
She stared at the empty spot her hoof had struck. She stared, not Stared, at the slithering killer that had taken her Angel away from her.
Her heart was beating like mad against her chest. Pulses of blood went in her temple and made them hurt. Her head felt like she’d been submerged in water, in dark bloody, muddy water, into a dark abyss from which she couldn’t see further.
But she knew, she already knew that the thing that was suffocating her was within. A demon, a monster, a cry of primal anger, all names for the same thing, for the one emotion she felt but didn’t want to acknowledge: hate.
Hate was a broken bowl. Pour the twisting darkness in your heart and pour again, but you never fill anything with hate. It only left empty husks behind.
Yet… that was all her treacherous heart felt in the wake of Angel’s… of his… his…
A miserable sob broke out of her lips.
Fluttershy’s eyes went back to the still body of her deceased friend. Slowly, she started trotting toward it, forcing her words through the knot that blocked her throat.
“It-t’s hard… b-b-being kind, Angel.” Another sob shook her. She couldn’t speak his name without crying, not so soon. But she needed to, to give her even a bit more strength for this. “Sometimes, I hear ponies talk about how I shouldn’t be a doormat, that I should stand up for myself…”
He had thrown things back at her face, and she had quickly scrambled to make things better for him, every time, without noticing how it seemed to make him angrier. The less she protested, the more impatient he got…
She knew what he was doing, but she didn’t want to get angry.
She knew her friends agreed with Angel on principle. But better her that suffers than others.
“They’re very kind, thinking about my feelings.” A little bit of warmth help pierce that deranged blackness that surrounded her. “It’s really the base of kindness, isn’t it? To think about the others first. It’s a little like generosity, maybe it’s why Rarity and I are such good friends.”
Her hoof moved away from the ground, just a little toward the snake that was still paralyzed.
“I hope, wherever you are now, you’re not angry that I did not do it. If you are, please, A-Angel, don’t hold onto that grudge.”
Despite the churn of her stomach, the fire blazing in her guts, she touched the animal that had killed her friend, and did so with as much gentleness as she would any other.
The darkness around her started to break apart.
“I know... Letting go of the anger is really hard. Anger… it’s easy. I know that.”
It whispered in her ears. It told her that it could not be forgiven, that this animal trying to eat and live was a monster that deserved no mercy. She listened to every word. She listened to the end, she listened until they had died out on their own.
“I tried using my anger to stand up for myself, but it was too easy. I became mean because I only listened to my anger.”
The rush... the strenght she had felt when she had allowed her anger to fester... It was still so tempting.
“New Fluttershy… is a pony I never want to be again,” she whispered, eyes closed. “I said things that could have destroyed one of the most beautiful things in my life. I hurt them in an almost unforgiveable way. I mocked what they were most passionate about as frivolous and meaningless pursuits. I laughed at it in their face. But they forgave me. There’s not a passing moment when I’m in Rarity or Pinkie’s presence and I feel thankful that they still talk to me.”
The jewelry over her neck shone, brighter than before, of a pure pink light.
Finally, she lifted her hoof and let the snake go. It slithered away in an instant, leaving her alone with the lifeless body that was just a few feet away. T-the body… of her friend…
Her eyes did not leave him, not for even one measly second. The anger still blazed in her, it still felt so unfair that her sweet Angel was gone, but she did not allow it to sway her. It had almost done so once, it was too much.
“They’ve proven to me what was better. They did not hold a grudge, even if I would have understood. They did not insult me back, even if they could have done so without problem. They were strong when I was weak.” She stopped just before the bloodied white rabbit. “Forgiveness is hard. Kindness is hard.”
She sobbed once more.
“But they’re worth it.”
And she looked back to the spot the rainbow snake had occupied, the place she had shown mercy, without a hint of regret.