//------------------------------// // Monday // Story: Gummy's Secretive Life // by Vanilla Mocha //------------------------------// Dear Diary, I am Gummy. My full name is Gummy Paul Pterodactyl Long John Phillip Prescott Cornelius Melvin Egbert Pie the fourth. Gummy Paul Pterodactyl Long John Phillip Prescott Cornelius Melvin Egbert Pie the first was eaten by a big, green, hungry, dinosaur in the olden golden times. Gummy Paul Pterodactyl Long John Phillip Prescott Cornelius Melvin Egbert Pie the second was washed down a nasty, stinky, smelly, dark, old sewer in a rainstorm. Gummy Paul Pterodactyl Long John Phillip Prescott Cornelius Melvin Egbert Pie the third was squashed by an elephant stampede on his vacation to India. And now here I am. Some ponies say that I am a pet. Some ponies say I am brainless. Some ponies say I can't do anything. They say I am just a brainless green thing that sits around. But I am not. And this is to prove that. For breakfast I sometimes eat a frog. Or I eat some escargot. I actually want to try a Celestia, but until that day comes I will be stuck eating frogs and escargot. I live with my mom in her basement. My mom is Pinkie Pie. Her basement is my room, although I go everywhere with her. One time her purple friend Twilight Sparkle, who is now a pretty purple and pink princess but not as pretty as my marefriend, was in my bathtub. I was freaking awkward. But I am happy, because when she saw I was taking a bath she jumped out and tried to run away. But mom insisted that the guest got a bath. I got sad and began biting mom. But I have no teeth. The other day my marefriend dropped by. Her name is Trixie Lulamoon. She is the best marefriend I have ever had in my whole entire life of one and a half years. She can do magic tricks. She is my favourite color. And her breath always smells like pickles. I love pickles. Pickles are so green. And pickly. And green. Anyway, she brought me a present. She brought me chew bone. I can not ever bite anything, so if I can make my chew bone squeak I'll be so freaking proud of myself. Heck, I'll be the most proud of myself that I have ever been. I sit in the living room sometimes and think about Pinkie Pie. I think about her quiet yellow friend. I think about her redneck orange friend. I think about her sporty blue friend. I think about her diva white friend. I think about her royal purple friend. I begin to think of my friends, too. Like my friend Trixie. She is the most amazing mare that I, Gummy Paul Pterodactyl Long John Phillip Prescott Cornelius Melvin Egbert Pie the fourth, has ever seen. Sometimes for lunch I eat a fly. Or sometimes a pizza. Or sometimes a rhino. Or sometimes a piece of cardboard. I love lunch time. Lunch time is so amazing. After lunch I get ready and go to work. I am a secret agent, and I work for Trixie's spy service. (That's how I met my marefriend.) She tells me who I spy on, I do it, and then I report back to her what happens. She always tells me to spy on Princess Twilight Sparkle. I think that one day Trixie and I will overthrow Twilight and we will become the King and Queen of Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle is usually just sitting around not doing anything. She just sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. And sits. Who does that? I write down that she sits and sits and sits and sits and sits and sits. And sits. Then I go back to trixie, and I give her my work. I come back home, and I am always just in time to eat dinner. Pinkie Pie, err, mom, always cooks a lot of good meals. She says that desert should never come last, and that it should be first. Always. So, I eat my cookies first, and then my sandwich last. After dinner I eat a snack, which is usually a mosquito or a dead rat. I like eating things like that. After a while I get ready for bed. I curl up in a tiny ball. I sit down on a pillow. Gummy Paul Pterodactyl Long John Phillip Prescott Cornelius Melvin Egbert Pie the fourth finally falls asleep listening to the crickets and the bumble bees and the hamsters and the stray cats and the wild dogs and the happy birds and the chattering of ponies and the wubs of DJ Pon 3. Then I begin to snore. As I snore I dream about Trixie. If I only had a way to communicate. Then I could tell her my feelings. I can't write them; they won't be the same feeling. I dream about candy and chocolate and sweets and goodness and joy and enjoyment and goodness and fun and sugar and muffins and cupcakes and regular sized cakes and Mountain Dew and other sodas. Sometimes Shining Armor comes into my dreams. I don't know why. One time I had this awesome dream that it was could. I was wearing a jacket, and so was everypony else. There isn't a lot of pony population left. I was headed for an igloo (for reasons I honestly don't know why). Inside was Trixie. I waddled in and sat down next to her. Then Shining Armor comes in and demands that we eat some fried grass on a stick. My marefriend's all like 'ugh, noo! 'Dat's gross!' But I was determined. I opened my mouth as far as it could go. It began to hurt. A piece of fried grass fell inside. I closed my mouth. It did taste nasty, but I did it for... my marefriend? for Shining Armor? For myself? I began to ponder this question. I got a headache from it. I woke up and brushed my teeth. Then I began to write this. Yours Truly, Gummy