“Snkkkkkkkkt—choo-choo-choo-choo-choo...” Pinkie Pie snored, her ears flopping in her sleep while her body slept up againt Maud like she was a pony-sized gray pillow. “Snkkkkkkkkt—choo-choo-choo-choo-choo. Snkkkkkkt...”
Rainbow Dash lay on her back several feet away from the cluster of slumbering mares. She stared dully past them with bloodshot eyes, gazing into the abyss beyond the nearest cliff. Behind her, the saddlebag shuffled around until a little stone statue poked out his little stone head.
“Yeesh!” Lancie murmured. “And I thought you snored loudly, Sparky.”
“Cut her a break,” Rainbow muttered. “She's a lot louder when she's awake.”
“Yes.” Lancie blinked. “I noticed.” His stone lips curved. “I rather like it, too.”
“You would.”
“And to think that you actually run in circles with ponies who actually enjoy life.”
Rainbow squinted back at him. “What's that supposed to mean?” her voice cracked raspily. “I enjoy life just fine!”
“Yeah, for the few spare moments you spend it with Duchess Frecklestanista.”
“Nnngh...” Rainbow curled her hooves over her ears. “Not this again...”
“What?” Lancie smirked. “I'm pretty sure our conversation on that never ended.”
“You and I are just one bigflank conversation that never ends,” Rainbow groaned. “With brief intermissions of explosions and butt kicking.”
“Would you have it any other way?”
“Meh.”
“I've got a question for you, Sherclop.” Lancie crawled over and perched on her shoulder. “What are you going to do now that the Living Pink knows all about your double life?”
“The hay are you going on about?”
“Ms. Fuzzhead herself!” He pointed across the way at Pinkie. “She now knows that you go out on long quests to fetch chaos shards!”
“Yeah, so?” Rainbow shrugged and turned over with a yawn. “Pinkie knows lots of things.”
“Oh really...”
“Yeah. She just... n-never lets on about 'em, really.”
“It must be really convenient to have friends whose intelligence you can take for granted.”
“Look, I never said that Pinkie Pie was dumb,” Rainbow muttered. “She's just... different.”
“How different?”
“Weird different!” Rainbow hissed, careful not to disturb the sleeping mares. “A lot of times, when she's hanging out with the girls and me, she's seeing stuff that isn't there... and yet it is. It just takes us all along time to notice it.”
“So, in other words—”
“If Pinkie was to zip her way into Twilight's treehouse tomorrow and tell her all about the shard, Romulus, Don Canter's stallions, you...”
Lancie smirked. “An ordinary lamp.”
“Whatever.” Rainbow cleared her throat. “Twilight totally wouldn't buy it at first. And, by extension, neither would the rest of the girls... at least not until much, m-much later.”
“Lemme guess.” Lancie folded his stone forelimbs. “Giving you ample time to head for the hills before your friends could wrangle you down?”
Rainbow frowned. “What? No! I wouldn't do such a stupid thing!”
“Wouldn't you?” Lancie raised a granite eyebrow. “Because you're rather proficient at stupidity.”
“Mrmmmmmff...”
“It's true!” He pointed with a grin. “When all you gotta do is confess your love to Freckle-Freckles, you run from it!” He crawled around to her other side, gesturing. “When you know that there's a cure to your noodly limbs, you run from it! And when there's a chance of the other Mane Sixers Eighty-Sixing your double life—”
“It won't come to that.”
“How do you know?” Lancie shrugged. “Hate to break it to ya, Sparky, but it's already in the pink! Soon enough it'll be in the stink!”
Rainbow's muzzle frowned. “You're really icky, y'know that?”
“And what about the other uninvited guests to our subterranean soiree?” He pointed. “The Sorceror's Apprentice. Ms. Ego-tude. The Rock Princess.” He cleared his throat and aimed a thumb at some nebulous spot beyond the rocky ceiling. “Need I mention the generic bad guys doing generic bad stuff with increasing proximity?”
“I'll find a way out of this mess,” Rainbow said. “I will! I... just have to get the shard first.”
“I don't need to slice off Daring Do's cutie mark to map where this is going.”
“Nnnngh, come on, Lancie...”
“You're gonna have me do something to make the bad guys disappear or turn into chickens or whatnot.”
“I just need a clean break to get the shard and get back to Ponyville,” Rainbow said. A sigh. “And Sweet Apple Acres...”
“You know, Sparky...” Lancie squatted low, staring close without stabbing her fuzzy blue brow with his antlers. “There'll come a time, you'll see, with no more shards, and this Lancie will not carry your flank.”
She squinted. “What, are you Mareford and Sons all of the sudden?”
“The point is, I can give you anything.” He waggled his gravel brow. “But I can't fix everything.” He backstepped to the saddlebag. “That mare, Daring, may be something of a punk, but at least she's courageous enough to do what she wants and get what she needs directly.”
“So you're saying I should be like Daring?”
“No, I'm saying you should be better than her.” He winked. “You should be awesome.” And with that, he did a little twirl and disappeared into her satchel.
Rainbow Dash bit her lip. Her eyes darted back and forth. At last, with a sigh, she curled her forelimbs to her chest and closed her moist eyes.